(Primitive Planet: Planet Elementia)

In the vast and wide galaxy, a planet found on the fringes of the Terminus system lay. A primitive planet with its species being predominantly warriors able to manipulate an energy unique to the people on the planet.

Chakra. The manipulation of a spiritual energy and the physical body in order to create feats of extraordinary power. Be it from walking on water to creating flames from their mouths. This ability was inherent in all humans on this planet

Until The Reapers came. Harvesting and slaughtering the primitive race. Not because of the race itself advancing technologically but because if it had The Reapers would foresee their defeat.

And their endless cycle would never allow such a thing. And so the monstrous machines set out and caused a complete, unadulterated genocide of the primitive planet. Slaughtering man, woman, and child alike until only ash and dust remained.

Caught unawares, the elementian forces fought to the last person. But they were overwhelmed. Killed. Slaughtered like cattle.

In the last days of the war, the surviving forces found a way using their chakra to freeze some of the younger generation so they could fight off the reapers one day.

One was an 18 year old blonde boy named Naruto Uzumaki. A shinobi and warrior. Born to a warrior who sacrificed himself in battle to kill off a reaper alone and a woman who had been the head of the freezing process.

"You sure this will work mom?" Naruto asked the red haired woman as the underground bunker shook from the battle waging above.

"It's the best option we have son. You are stronger than me. Stronger than your father. I have faith that if anyone can kill these things you'll be the one to do it." The redheaded woman named Kushina said firmly

"I understand. Just don't forget to freeze some of the others who deserve it. I don't want to be alone after all when I'm unfrozen." Naruto said with a sad smile

Kushina poked Naruto in the forehead "none of that brat even if you're the last of our race I'm sure you will find comrades you can call friends." Kushina told him with a smile

"... Thank You mom" Naruto said after a moment before hugging her.

"No problem. Now get in the pod" Kushina said gesturing to one of many pods they had prepared

Naruto nodded at this as he got into the pod which closed him in. Slowly becoming colder and colder as he could see his breath.

"Cryo freeze finishing in 3-2-on-" Kushina said before the room shook once more as the ceiling broke open and fell on of top her. Crushing her legs.

Naruto looked at his fallen mom who was looking at him from outside the pod with tears in her eyes before she smiled at him one last time. His vision fading just as a metallic tentacle came into view and he knew no more.

(around 10,000 years later)

The Terminus System was always home to many dangerous races and creatures amongst all of space. A human survivalist and paramilitary group known as Cerberus had a tendency to 'find' and 'retrieve' important items, artifacts, anything really no matter where it was that could potentially bring humanity greater power in the large galaxy.

This was no different in a Cerberus space base that was orbiting over a planet as Pandora. This planet was known as a wretched hive of scum, villainy, raiders, and just overwhelming destruction and chaos. Many who landed on the planet never came back. Either cause they found a reason to stay or because they were murdered violently by the various twisted people or snarling beasts who live there.

Which made a space base orbiting near it the perfect hiding spot. No one without reason was ever gonna go to the god forsaken planet

Inside the base several scientists and security personnel milled about the station. Going about their day to day as they studied technology and artifacts. One scientist in particular was investigating a pod that several cerberus soldiers had found during an excavation on a planet in the Terminus System.

A pod that just so happened to contain Naruto.

The reason they had Naruto's pod still frozen was because they wanted to study him and see if any of his people's traits could be genetically grafted onto regular humans. After all, such power could bring about an age of dominance in the galaxy for all humans.

However they weren't making much progress. Suddenly the room started to shake as a explosion was heard

"What the hell was that?" a scientist asked one of the armored men in the room

Probably an attack by some vault hunters. I'll go check it out" the soldier said as he hoisted his gun up ready to go investigate this.

"Mayday! we have an escaped sub- agggghhh!" a man outside the room yelled before he screamed as a crunching sound was herd

"Shit its subject zero!" the soldier said making the scientist next to him pale

"take cover doc!" the soldier ordered as he readied his gun aiming it at the door

Which didn't work so well when the door was suddenly sent flying off its hinges directly into the soldier. Crushing him and splattering his blood all over the paling scientist.

"Ah!" The scientist screamed in fright and panic before he was sent flying across the room

The scientist tried to get up before a foot stomped on his leg. Snapping it and making him cry out in pain as he looked up at a young, bald woman. Wearing a torn open straight jacket as if it were a shirt. Cuffs that had been shattered wrapped around one wrist and one ankle. she had DD cup breasts a toned body and a plump ass

Her body was covered in tattoos

"You idiots should've locked me up better" she said before she stomped her boot again on the other leg of the scientist. Making him scream in agony.

She smirked hearing this before she looked at the pod "who's the popsicle?" she asked

"I won't tell you anything subject zero" the scientist said defiantly while wincing in pain

The woman's hands then glowed blue at this making the scientist flinch in fear

"Call me that again and see what happens. Now tell me who this is or I'll pull out your intestines from your ass and feed them back down your throat" she threatened

He's a frozen pod we found on elementia" the scientist sang like a canary

"Should that mean something? Never heard of that planet" the woman said with a raised eyebrow

"It's a planet that had a humanoid species that was more naturally gifted then us. They had powers inherently that didn't require biotics!" The scientist explained fearing for his life

The woman raised an eyebrow at this as she looked at the pod "and I'm guessing you Cerberus fucks want to find a way to use that power right?" She asked

The scientist nodded at this

The woman then smirked at this "and say I let him go and he escaped. I bet that would piss off your bosses huh?" she asked with a condescending tone

"What?! No! You can't do That!" The scientist yelled

"Like fuck I can't" the woman said before her hand started to glow again and ripped open the pod door containing Naruto

"No!" The scientist yelled as he tried to reach up to the pod. As if he could try and undo this.

Naruto soon opened his eyes and fell out of the pod gasping for air as he slowly warmed up

"Fuck thats cold. How long was I in there?" He asked before looking around and seeing his current surroundings "where am I? Where are the reapers?" He asked

"Sup whiskers names jack and you're in a Cerberus space base which is hovering over….hey you quack where is this base anyway?" Jack asked the scientist

"Months of my life! Wasted now that the pod is open!" The scientist cried out

"Focus or I'll peel your tiny dick like a banana!" Jack yelled

"Ah! Pandora! We're over Pandora!" The terrified scientist yelled

Jack paused at this before she smiled savagely "oh hell yes" she grinned

"What's a Pandora?" Naruto asked as he slowly stood up leaning on a lab table

"It's a cesspool of bounty hunters, freaks, and monsters." Jack explained

"And you're happy about that?" Naruto asked curiously seeing Jack's smile

"It's better than being a experiment for these pro human shit stains" Jack said. Emphasizing this by kicking the scientist in his ribs.

"…..good point what's the plan miss jack?" Naruto asked as he stood up

"Easy. Kill anyone here that moves, steal a ship, head down to Pandora, and grab a drink" Jack said as she picked up the dead soldiers rifle and threw it to Naruto "you a good shot whiskers?" She asked

"I'm better with my fists and blades. But I'll improvise" Naruto said looking at the gun

"There's your first target" Jack said gesturing to the scientist on the floor

"What?! No wait-" he was saying till Naruto pulled the trigger

"Sights a bit off." Naruto said

"Huh surprised you did it whiskers I had you pegged as a wuss" Jack said with raised eyebrow at Naruto

"don't get it twisted I only kill if threatened and that guy had a bad aura. Besides you said they were experimenting on people"

"And you believed me? for all you know I'm a liar" Jack said wondering what made Naruto trust her

"You freed me didn't you? Why lie then if you freed me. Plus while you may look scary I can see in your eyes you don't lie." Naruto said as he inspected the plasma gun.

Jack paused at this, surprised that Naruto could read people like this before she shrugged "ok follow me whiskers." Jack said as the two went on to tear through the base like a hot knife through butter.

Naruto followed Jack into a hallway and followed her down it and soon they were in a docking bay which was full of armored men

"Stop right there Subject zero and subject 309!" A soldier yelled

Jack growled at this and in a surge of blue energy she sent a biotic wave at the soldiers. Launching them away.

As they flew time started to slow down for Naruto as he took aim at them and fired. Sending a round each towards where the soldiers would be judging by how slow they seemed to move. Each plasma blast nailing them in their helmed heads.

Soon time went back to normal and the now headless soldiers fell to the ground dead

Jack blinked at this as she didn't expect Naruto to be such a good shot "what was that whiskers?' she asked

"No idea. Never done that before. Do you always launch things that slowly?" He asked

Slowly? Whiskers they were barley in the air before you blasted all their heads off" Jack told him

"Really? Huh. Maybe something with being frozen with chakra." He muttered

"Figure it out later follow me whiskers" Jack said as she walked towards some of the ships

"Let's take the red one" Naruto said with a grin

"... that's a forklift, how advanced was your species? " Jack deadpanned

"What's a forklift?" Naruto asked confused

"Ugh, a caveman That can fire a gun better than most marines?" She groaned as she opened a door to an escape ship "get in here" she ordered as the two entered the ship.

"Little snug isn't it?" Naruto groaned as Jack was against his chest as she activated the ship

"Just watch the hands and we'll be good" Jack said feeling his hands brush against her hips

"Uh sorry" Naruto said sheepishly before the ship took off for the planet below.

(Pandora)

On the planet below. A young blonde woman wearing bunny ears on her head looked up into the night sky of Pandora. Bored out of her mind. Surrounded by 16 raider corpses. She had D cup breasts, a curvy body,and a thicc, heart shaped ass, this was Tiny Tina or Tina to her friends…if she had any.

"Oh god the pain!" one of the bodies groaned

Bang!

Ok now it was 16 raider corpses.

The girl twirled her pistol before she holstered it As she stargazed she saw something hurtling from the sky towards her direction.

A small white ship with some type of yellow logo. She couldn't really make it out as the ship flew over her head and crashed about 20 feet away. Slamming into the dirt.

"Ooh lootin time!" The girl giggled as she got up and skipped towards the downed ship. Figuring she'd find something amongst the wreckage from whoever crashed that ship. Only to be surprised to see two people exiting the ship alive.

"I told you to watch the hands whiskers!" Jack groaned out

"And I told you it was a snug fit!" Naruto yelled as he shook his head

"Ooooo hi newbies! Welcome to Pandora!" Tina greeted waving enthusiastically with a crazed smile

"Great not even 5 minutes and we meet one of the locals and it's a brat" Jack said with a scowl

"Hey I'm 18 good sir!" Tina yelled at Jack

"I'm a woman" Jack deadpanned at this

"Really? I thought you were a pre op transvestite" Tina said surprised

"grrrr" Jack growled as she raised a growing hand

"Oooooo a biotic. You won't last long here. You guys are always cocky and die within a day maybe two" Tina said with a crazed giggle

"I think we're all getting off on the wrong foot here." Naruto said before looking at Tina "I'm Naruto Uzumaki. What's your name?" Naruto asked

"Hiya whiskers! I'm Tiny Tina or Tina to my friends, if I had any! No happy back! Tina yelled upset before she quickly composed herself and went back to happy

"You're not that tiny" Jack said with a scoff

"Well I called myself that when I was nine. So sue me sir scowly for becoming a stacked woman" Tina said with a smirk

They then herd some yelling and what looked like some armored cars approaching them

"Look boys! New meat toboggans!" a crazed voice yelled as the jumped out of the car. Not even opening the door or anything. Just straight up leapt over the door from the seat

"Oh goodie more locals. These friends of yours Tiny?" Jack asked with an eyeroll

"Nah they are all baby dicked losers" Tina said boredly as if talking about the weather.

"Let's kill the guys and sell off the bitch!" One raider cheered

"... I'm gonna tear out that one's spine and choke him with it" Jack said calmly with a vein throbbing in her forehead

"Yeahbok let's do this. Tina you want in?" Naruto asked as he readied his rifle

"Fuck Yeah! Let's slaughter these dickbags!" Tina cheered as she took out her pistol and a grenade.

Naruto started to lay down a blaze of plasma fire on the raiders via his assault rifle. Blasting nearly every raider to death as hot plasma shot into their chests.

Jack roared and lifted her hands up. Glowing with biotic energy as she lifted one of the raiders' cars and brought it down upon 5 raiders that had managed to avoid Naruto's opening salvo. Crushing them into the dirt.

Tina shot several of the raiders in the chest as she danced around happily and when there was one left she shot him in the crotch making himself scream in pain before she shoved her grenade in his mouth and pulled the pin

"You get to learn what death tastes like. Enjoy!" She cheered before skipping away. Leaving the raider to explode in a shower of gore and blood. Littering the dirt in red liquid and even burnt organs.

"Woo! That was fun! Let's go kill something else!" Tina cheered. Giggling like a lunatic

"A little too perky but you get results" Jack said with a chuckle at Tina. The crazy blonde was starting to rub off on her now.

Naruto nodded at this before he looked at a vehicle with a rail gun on top of it "Hey Tina you know how to start that?" He asked

"A car? You don't know what a car is? Where the hell are you from?" Tina asked bewildered

"Cryo pod. Found him on a space station" Jack said blankly before Naruto could answer

"Ooh a walking talking popsicle! Haven't seen one of them before. Except that dream I had where Popsicles enslaved humanity to build igloo pyramids" Tina said looking at Naruto

"You know how to start it or not?" Naruto asked

"Aye aye captain whiskers!" Tina said as she skipped over to the vehicle

"I'm driving" Jack said firmly knowing she was the best option to drive

"Hey I'm not a bad driver! I'm perfectly calm when driving" Tina yelled looking up from the driver's seat

"Any accidents on your record?" Jack asked with a raised eyebrow

"Not to your knowledge" Tina said happily before the vehicle started

"... just tell me where to go me. I want a place I can get a damn drink" Jack sighed as she wasn't risking it.

"My place it is! I'll make waffles!" Tina cheered as Jack took the driver seat Naruto the passenger and Tina took the back seat with the rail gun above her

"What are waffles?" Naruto asked having never heard of it

"... your planet must've sucked whiskers" Tina said as of she had just been slapped in the face

Jack shook her head as she drove the truck away through the vast wastes. A beautiful friendship starting from that moment on.

And by beautiful I mean chaotic.

(an hour later)

The group were now in an underground bunker. Naruto and Jack sitting at a little table on small chairs as Tina got them food and drinks. By which I mean beer and waffles.

"Huh this isn't too bad not ramen but I like it" Naruto said as he ate some waffles

"So now that you're both stuck on this rock What's your plan?" Tina asked curiously

"No idea. I was literally frozen about 3 hours ago so I've got nothing" Naruto admitted. He had no idea how far into the future he even was

"I say we find a ship and get out of here that vault hunters crap is a dead end" Jack said as she drank her beer

"... you wanted to come here in the first place" Naruto deadpanned

"Yeah to get away from cerberus and hope they follow and get killed. I was expecting a planet with lots of bars and bar fighting. Not wastelands of dickless shitstains driving around like they're hot shit cause they have vehicles with wheels" Jack said blandly

"Well I got bad news then. We don't really have any ships off world. We have lots of guns and booze though on this planet" Tina said

"There has to be a ship we can use" Naruto said

"Well there is an old ship that a group of psychos use as a base. All we need is to clear them all out" Tina said

"And we would need someone to actually fly the ship. Unless you want to try and fly it caveman" Jack deadpanned

"... know any pilots?" Naruto asked Tina curiously

"Nope. But I know a lady who may know one" Tina chirped up with a grin

"Well let's get going then. The less time we spend here the better" Jack said as she downed her beer and stood up from the table

"Aww but I just put in a cake" Tina pouted

"I'm sure we can stay for cake before we go" Naruto said with a smile

Tina smiled at this and hugged Naruto before she skipped off to the kitchen area of her home

"This better be some good cake" Jack sighed as she sat back down only for her eyes to widen when Tina came back in with the cake.

"Cakes aren't normally green when not frosted right?" Naruto whispered

"Not to my knowledge" Jack said as she hadn't had cake before but she was really sure

"Well it's ready. Dig in." Tina grinned as she cut a slice. Which then oozed out green slime

"... nope! No fucking way am I trying it" Jack said freaked the hell out

Tina then pouted at this before she threw the slice of cake at Jack and started to scream throwing a tantrum

Jack ducked letting the cake hit the wall…..and it started to melt the wall

"... huh it took more time to melt it this time" Tina said stopping to look at the wall before she went back to throwing her tantrum

"Look I'm sure you can get it right sometime Tina but for now maybe we should focus on the task at hand" Naruto said as he tried to calm Tina down as she pulled out a pistol and shot at the roof

Tina then perked up at this "so I can go with you?" she asked with a excited smile as she got in Naruto's face

Naruto said nothing to this and looked at Jack who was behind Tina making a killing gesture over her neck

"Sure. If you want to" Naruto said after a thought.

Jack slapped her face at this while Tina cheered excitedly and hugged Naruto into her chest

"You won't regret it, whiskers! Ooh, so many space things to blow up!" Tina cheered excitedly as she kept hugging Naruto to her chest.

"She's your problem I hope you know that" Jack said to the slowly asphyxiating Naruto who was waving his hands trying to get loose

(Later in the wasteland)

The trio was driving the truck following Tina's directions and soon they drove up to what seemed like a run down shack.

"This is where your friend is?" Jack asked unimpressed as she parked the truck

"Yup. The nicest bar in all of Pandora. Welcome to Moxxi's!" Tina grinned

Naruto looked at the bar and saw a sign that said 'attack at your own risk'. "This Moxxi get a lot of trouble?" he asked also seeing a pile of dead bodies nearby

"Not a lot. She sometimes has to splatter some deadbeat for starting something in her place. Or when some customers get handsy without her permission" Tina shrugged before the door to the ramshackled bar opened and what looked like a raider corpse missing half his face fell through the doorway.

"You think you're all hot shit?! I'll kill all of you dickless shits!" A female voice yelled before the sounds of gunfire sounded

Naruto without thinking grabbed his assault rifle and rushed in. Seeing a woman behind the bar dual wielding shotguns while 10 raiders stood in front of the bar guns loaded.

the woman had pale white face paint on her face that made her look like a mime, she had brown hair that reaches her neck and she was wearing what looked like a purple ringmaster like outfit with a matching tophat, her outfit showed off her E cups, curvy body, and heart-shaped ass

Naruto immediately fired at the raiders. Sending a rain of assault rifle fire into 5 of them. Burning them with plasma fire and getting the attention of the other 5 raiders.

The woman behind the bar took this opportunity to fire her shotguns into the faces of 2 of the raiders. Sending splatters of blood across the walls as their bodies fell back to the floor. Before ducking under return fire from one of the last 3 raiders.

Meanwhile the other two raiders fired at Naruto who combat rolled under their Bullets activating his slowdown ability again

After a moment the 3 raiders ran out of ammo but before they could reload they were grabbed by Jack's biotics and slammed against the wall

"Hey! That's cheating you bitch!" one of the raiders yelled at Jack as she came into the bar with Tina close behind

"Ah Tina. These two friends of yours?" the woman asked as she lowered her shotguns

"Yup meet whiskers and dyke!" Tina grinned as she introduced Naruto who stood up and jerked a thumb at Jack

"... I hate you. So very much right now" Jack glared at the blonde whIle keeping her hold on the 3 living raiders.

"Naruto Uzumaki and that's Jack miss" Naruto said as he held out his hand to the woman who he assumed was Moxxi

"Name's Moxxi handsome. Most call me Mad Moxxi. You can call me… anytime" she purred out looking him up and down

"Little young for you isn't he?" Jack asked with a raised eyebrow at Moxxi

"He's 18?" Moxxi asked as she looked at Naruto

"Um yes miss" Naruto said with a nervous chuckle

"Good he's perfect Then" Moxxi said licking her lips

"Oi! Get your own!" Tina yelled as she pulled Naruto to her and hugged him like he was a toy she didn't want to share

"Oh don't worry Tina I'll let you join in if you want" Moxxi said her gaze turning to Tina with a grin

"No! He's mine!" Tina yelled as she shook her head and pouted like a child

"I feel like I should have a say in this" Naruto said muffled by Tina's chest

"Can we do what we came here to do? We're not here to whore whiskers out!" Jack yelled clenching her fists and crushing the captured raiders and killing them sending blood flying

"You have a temper there huh" Moxxi said observing the blood on the wall and floor where the raiders once stood alive

"Ooooo you like whiskers too" Tina said with a teasing grin at Jack

"I've known him for 4 hours" Jack deadpanned at the crazed blonde.

"So if I decided to pants him and make him a very happy man you wouldn't-" Tina was saying before Naruto got loose from her

"Ok hang the hell on everyone! I literally have been unfrozen for 4 hours! I am not ready for this kind of commitment!" Naruto said as he gasped for breath

"Ah, a frozen popsicle. I assume you're that experiment cerberus was trying to hide in that base above the planet" Moxxi said as she sat down at a table

"Yes and I have so many questions about this time period. For instance what happened to the reapers? Did someone take them out?" Naruto asked desperately wishing to know

"Reapers? What's that?" Tina asked curiously as she sat down next to Naruto who scooted away from her making her pout

"The reapers are a race of sentient machines that wiped out my entire race. They just appeared out of nowhere and slaughtered us

"You sure you don't mean the Geth? Jack asked curiously as she sat down at the table while Moxxi passed her a drink

"The hell's a Geth?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow

"AI accidently created by quarians that formed a hivemind." Tina said simply

"What's a quarian? And are these geth giant squids the size of buildings?" Naruto asked still confused

"You have a lot to learn whiskers but for now tell me what brings you all here? Food? Drinks? Taking a sexy bartender on her bartop and ravishing her?" Moxxi asked with a smirk at Naruto

"We're here to ask you for some help getting some help getting a ship so we can get off the planet." Jack

"Hmmmm I suppose you're thinking of taking that ship the sanctuary III from those psychos and raiders right?" Moxxi asked

"That's the name of the ship?" Jack asked as she drank her beer with a raised eyebrow

"It used to be a ship for a group of bounty hunters or cowboys or space strippers or something. I don't know honestly" Moxxi shrugged

"Space cowboy? Heh I kinda like the sound of that" Naruto said with a grin

Moxxi smirked at this and nodded "well if you wanting a chance to take on those psychos and their numbers you will need some help. Just the three of you won't get the job done plus I'm guessing neither of you two can drive a ship?" she asked Naruto and Jack

"We only crashed here cause he got handsy" Jack said simply

"I could drive!" Tina yelled as she held up her hand and smiled

"No" Jack said firmly as she shook her head

"But-"

"no" moxxi said agreeing with Jack

"Whiskers you'll let me drive right?" She asked with a puppy dog pout

"Um you're more a demolition expert Tina so I can see you as a gunner or lab tech making weapons." Naruto said kindly

"Aw shucks you're making me blush whiskers" Tina said with a smile

"Anyways if you want I know a few people that want to get off world. One of them is a pilot." Moxxi explained

"How good are they?" Naruto asked curiously

"Ones a good shot with guns and the other is his muscle can't understand him worth a damn but he's a gentle soul. Surprised he's still alive on this hellhole but hey goes to show their skill since they've been on this planet for a month" Moxxi shrugged

"So two bounty hunters that also want to get off this world. Better than nothing I guess" Jack shrugged

"I'll take you to them. And if you guys take the ship you can repay me with a little favor" Moxxi said with a grin

"No! Bad cougar!" Tina yelled as she took out a spray bottle and sprayed at Moxxi

"Ah! Is this Bullymong piss?! Why do you have a bottle of bullymong piss?!" Moxxi yelled in disgust

"Don't ask questions!" Tina yelled lowering her spray bottle

"I didn't mean that anyway! I just wanted a ride off this hellhole too! This bar sucks and if I can bum a ride I'll be your ship's bartender!" Moxxi yelled

"Hmmm if you want to be a bounty hunter having her around as a Intel gatherer would help you a lot whiskers" Jack said as she finished her drink

"It's true. I have a few contacts on other planets." Moxxi said as she nodded

"Some of them exes" Tina said with a giggle

"Least I can get a man. Though I'm more interested in my next husband" Moxxi said with a smirk and licking her lips at Naruto who shivered. Feeling like prey

"Before you scare whiskers into being asexual let's go find these bounty hunters of yours" Jack said after crushing her beer bottle

"I'll drive!" Tina yelled running out to the car

"Like hell you will!" Jack yelled as she ran after Tina

"Interesting group you have whiskers" Moxxi said with a chuckle as her and Naruto followed them outside

"Yeah I'm hoping these two bounty hunters are men and more sane" Naruto said with a sigh

"Men, yes, well one of them. Sane…. Debatable" Moxxi snickered

"I'll take it" Naruto said as he got into the passenger seat

"Where am I gonna sit?" Moxxi asked curiously seeing there was no room

"Oh!" Tina said with a smile before she jumped into Naruto's lap there you can take the gunners seat while I take the best seat on the planet" Tina grinned as she rubbed her ass on Naruto's crotch

"Aww I was hoping for that seat" Moxxi sighed

"You snooze, you lose Moxxi. Oh and FYI I feel something poking me and it's very big" Tina said with a mad grin as she started to giggle at Naruto's face which was steaming and red

"I swear to the gods I don't believe in if you three fuck in that backseat I will pull this car over so help me" Jack warned as she started the truck and drove off

(later)

The group soon arrived at what looked like a abandoned base with what looked like a pile of mangled bodies by the entrance which the group drove past

"We're here!" Moxxi grinned as she stepped out of the gunners seat

"And I thought what you did to those psychos as we drove was brutal" Jack said surveying the carnage. Moxxi may have started shooting at a bunch of psychos. Laughing like a lunatic as she aimed for their crotches

"Is that a bunch of psychos impaled on tree branches? Cool!" Tina yelled as she jumped out of Naruto's lap and ran over to said psycho bodies which were indeed impaled on some tree branches

"Indeed" Moxxi said with a nod as she looked at the bodies

"Your buddies watching us?" Jack asked as she pointed out a camera hanging over the closed gate

"Yeah. Hey Rocket open the fucking door!" Moxxi yelled at the camera

"Is that you Moxxi? I told you I will pay you for that stool once we get that bounty!" A male voice yelled over an intercom

"I am Groot" a voice said over the intercom

I know I owe her for the destroyed wall too!" Rocket yelled out angerly

"I have a business proposition for you two that will clear your debt with me and get us all off planet" Moxxi said "Are you interested?" Moxxi asked with a grin at the camera

There was silence until the base door opened up for them automatically.

"Alright get your sexy asses in there and we can get started on this meeting" Moxxi grinned at her three cohorts

Naruto nodded at this as he and the others followed Moxxi inside, the doors closing behind them. They soon arrived in a big room where the walls were covered in all kinds of weapons

"Hello! It must be my birthday!" Tina yelled as she ran to a big rocket launcher hanging on the wall

"Hey! Hey! Don't touch that! I stole- I mean bought that fair and square!" A male voice yelled from a nearby chair

Everyone looked at where the voice came from and saw what looked like a racoon sitting in front of a wall of security screens

Next to the raccoon was what looked like a tall tree man who was looking at Naruto's group curiously

"A raccoon and a tree man…please tell me this is a joke" Jack said to Moxxi with a annoyed look on her face

nope meet Rocket and Groot Moxxi said as she pointed at the racoon and tree man

"Ah! It's so cute and fluffy!" Tina yelled before she tackled the raccoon into a hug. Nuzzling her face against the Raccoon's face.

"Hey! Let me go! I do not consent to this!" The raccoon named Rocket yelled

"I am groot" Groot said with a smile at this

"This is not better than being attacked for being different!" Rocket yelled out trying to get out of Tina's iron grip.

"Who picks on you?! I'll vaporize their intestines!" Tina yelled out as she pulled out her pistol "no wait I'll strangle them with their intestines! No wait, I'll skip rope with their intestines!" Tina exclaimed crazily

"Tina drop him he's obviously not used to being hugged" Naruto said as he approached

"Okie dokie whiskers!" Tina said before she dropped Rocket who landed on his ass groaning.

"That was horrible" Rocket groaned

"Sorry about Tina she's….special" Naruto said with a sheepish chuckle

"You mean fucking Psycho. Yeah I can tell. Anyways Who are you all and what do you want? If your with the hag I gotta assume you're here for something" Rocket asked as he dusted his off

"Hag?!" Moxxi glared before Naruto held up his hand stopping her

"We're a group that wants off this planet and moxxi said you could help us take a ship from a camp of psychos" Naruto said

"Ahhh you're looking to take the Sanctuary III for yourselfs eh? You lot bounty hunters?" Rocket asked curiously

"Well now that I'm unfrozen I could use a job and bounty hunter sounds good to me. I need to learn about the galaxy after all." Naruto said with a grin

"I am groot?" Groot asked curiously hearing this

"I don't know either. What do you mean frozen?" Rocket asked

"Oh uh yeah I was frozen by my people from… I don't actually know how long I was frozen for" Naruto asked

"We can find out later hey racoon if you're gonna help us can I borrow a weapon?" Jack asked as she looked at the wall of weapons

"I call the Major Kong!" Tina yelled as she ran to what looked like a golden rocket launcher

"... should we be concerned?" Naruto asked Moxxi

"For the enemy" Moxxi said with a grin as Jack grabbed a shotgun.

"the butcher oh hell yes" Jack said with a grin at her shotgun

"Well if you're looking to get off planet whiskers then I'm in. I've lost out on bounties being stuck here and I want some payback on the asshole who shot us down on this shithole" Rocket said "now grab a weapon and some shields and let's go kick some psycho ass" Rocket said as he approached the wall

Naruto shrugged as he took a look at Some of the weapons lining the wall. Truthfully he was fine with his assault rifle but hey free gun. Mom always told him to accept free guns

As he looked at the wall he stopped as he spotted a pair of twin pistols that hung over a sword. Naruto walked over to the pistols and held them in his hands aiming them and liking the feel of these guns in his hands.

"Ah the element guns not a bad choice whiskers those are legendary weapons that can fire flames, ice, lightning, and earth" Rocket said as he grabbed a disk and put it on his chest which made what looked like a jetpack appear on his back

"Oi! Why do you get a jetpack? I want a jetpack!" Tina yelled stomping her foot seeing this

"Hey I got this thing fair and square so too bad" Rocket told her before seeing Naruto holster the guns and grab the sword. "That's a little something I made. I call it the Vorpal. It's a single edged sword with buttons to have energy coat the blade itself. It can heat up and make the blade white hot, another can freeze the blade, or the last mode can send electricity through the blade to make it a taser sword." Rocket said with a smirk

Naruto nodded at this as he put on two holsters and put the twin element guns in them on his belt to holster them. Then he grabbed the sword and strapped it's sheath to his back.

"Don't forget this whiskers. It's a shield that can take a few shots before it has to recharge" Jack said as she put a device on Naruto's side which started to glow blue and cover Naruto in an unseen shield.

"Huh we never had these back on my planet. Technology really has advanced a lot" Naruto mused aloud before he spotted a pair of boots that looked his size "what do they do?" he asked Rocket pointing at the black boots

"Those boost your jumps and let you hover for a bit. Not as good as my jetpack but could be useful in combat." Rocket explained making Naruto grin as he walked over to them.

"Should probably change your clothes as well, whiskers. That get up ain't really working after being unfrozen" Jack said pointing at his orange and black jumpsuit that offered little to no protection.

Naruto looked at his outfit and nodded knowing shields would only get hims so far and unlike the others he was the least experience with current fighting and battles in this time period.

"I have a few options for outfits in that room. Just stuff I lifted off some raiders here and there. Take a look and change in there" Rocket said as he gestured to a nearby doorway. Naruto nodded appreciatively before entering said room to pick out some clothes and armor to change into.

"... Moxxi stay where you are" Naruto said after poking his head back through the door

Moxxi chuckled at this before she nodded

Tina smiled at this as she snuck after Naruto before Jack grabbed her by the back of her Hoodie

"No! I wanna see how big it is!" Tina yelled as she struggled in Jack's grip

"You should already know from you sitting in his lap" Moxxi said with a smile

"Don't use logic on me, cougar!" Tina yelled as she tried to get loose

"I mean I definitely am one. One who wants a piece of some prime, young meat" Moxxi grinned lickimg her lips lokking at the door Naruto went through

"I am Groot" Groot said to Rocket

"Uh uh. No way in hell. I'll help the kid fight raiders to get off this dunghill of a world but no fucking way am I getting between Moxxi and her prey" Rocket said quickly "the kid's on his own"

"Alright I'm armored up" Naruto's voice said as he came out wearing a set of red and black light armor (light mercenary armor) with a black leather trench coat worn over his shoulders. His guns now holstered away on the belt of the armor while his blade lay sheathed across the back of his trench coat.

"Not bad whiskers." Jack smirked, approving of the armor choice. Now he looked like a threat to be taken seriously.

"Good now let's go lick some ass!" Tina grinned

"I may have been frozen but even I know it's kick some ass Tina" Naruto said with a chuckle

"Mines better" Tina said as they all left armed and ready to kill some bitches.

(Sanctuary III)

"Who let this crazy bitch drive?!" Rocket yelled as the vehicle currently had all 6 people crammed into it. Groot was in the gunner seat with Rocket on his shoulders holding on for dear life. Naruto sat in the back seat with Moxxi and Jack on his lap as Tina drove the vehicle cackling like a lunatic.

"I am Grooooooot!" Groot was saying as their vehicle hit a ramp and soared through the air.

"Why did you give her the keys?!" Rocket yelled

"It was her or Moxxi! Hey! Who's groping me?!" Naruto was yelling at Rocket before he felt someone's hands groping him

"Ooh Tina was right you are big." Moxxi said with a grin and licking her lips

"Are we there yet? I can't see shit!" Jack yelled. The only reason she wasn't driving is Groot gave Tina the keys to drive and before she could say anything Tina took off

"We're almost there! I'm gonna crash into these bitches!" Tina cackled crazily

"Tina stop the car and I'll get you a gun! Two guns even!" Naruto yelled

Tina slammed the breaks at this making them stop and sending Rocket flying off Groot into the dirt. Jack was sent out of the car as well. Landing on her ass in the dirt. Groot managed to hold onto the gun to keep his balance. And Naruto…..

He was currently buried face first in Moxxi's cleavage

"Such a bold one" Moxxi grinned

Naruto quickly pulled away from Moxxi and jumped out of the car to help Jack up.

"If we're gonna work together I demand it's a rule she is not allowed to drive!" Rocket yelled as he walked back to them and pointing at Tina who got out of the truck

"Seconded!" Jack groaned as Naruto helped her up

"I am Groot!" Groot nodded

"Ok everyone quiet let's try and scout ahead from that cliff over there" Naruto said as he pointed out a cliff nearby

"Who died and made you the leader kid?" Rocket said as he climbed back on Groot's shoulder

"I did" Moxxi said with a smile that promised pain

"Yes ma'am! Rocket said with a nervous chuckle

"... I think I need an adult" Naruto said as he saw Moxxi looking at him like prey after terrifying Rocket

"I am an adult" Moxxi giggled at this

"Let's go whiskers" Jack said as she led the way to the cliff he pointed out

"Right behind you" Naruto said following the biotic to the cliff

Soon everyone was kneeling on the cliff overlooking what looked like a camp by a giant downed spaceship of some kind.

"What do you see?" Naruto asked Tina who was looking through some binoculars

"I see lots of people who have a death wish, Some vehicles in need of serious repairs, lots and lots of junk, and two raiders that are clearly doing a will they won't they relationship that would probably go on for 5 seasons if they weren't about to be killed by us" Tina said

"Why are they firing in the air?" Naruto asked Tina pointing at several psychos that were firing at what looked like a giant magnet hanging over them

Tina looked at where the psychos were firing and smiled madly "so that's where Claptrap went" she said before she started to giggle

"Oh god dammit" Rocket groaned as he held his forehead

"Someone you know?" Naruto whispered to him

"Unfortunately" Rocket groaned out

"He's a robot that is mostly a scavenger and a scout for whoever pays him attention. He can be really annoying however" Moxxi said

"Did anyone pack a sniper? I kind of want in on this game" Tina grinned as she'd love to fire at Claptrap while he's magnetically trapped

"How good of a scout and scavenger is he?" Naruto asked Moxxi

"Pretty good. He used to bring me and Rocket things for fuel cells to keep himself going" Moxxi said

"... no you cannot be seriously thinking what I think you're thinking" Rocket said as he realized what Naruto wanted to do

"What? He sounds like he'd be useful to help us at least repair the ship if nothing else. Besides you guys liked him enough to buy stuff from him" Naruto pointed out

"Like is a strong word. So's tolerate. Hate actually feels pretty weak" Rocket said deadpand

"Well if you want to free him you may want to take out the power source keeping the magnet going." Jack said as she pointed out a giant battery near a group of guards down in the camp

Naruto nodded before he took a few steps back and pulled out his new sword. "Alright time to test this thing out" he said as he held the blade in his right hand and pulled out one of his pistols in his left

"Me first!" Tina yelled as she pulled out her major Kong bazooka and took aim at the battery

"Tina, wait, I have a plan!" Naruto yelled out as he held out his hand

"Too late! This is more fun!" Tina yelled as she fired her weapon which fired a Rocket which hit the battery which caused it to explode violently and kill at least half a dozen psychos around it. Including the two will they won't they raiders

This caused the magnet above the camp to power down and drop Claptrap

"AAAAHHHH! So this is how it ends!" Claptrap yelled as he waved his arms in a panic

Naruto quickly ran and jumped off the cliffs edge and activated his Rocket boots and caught Claptrap before he floated down to the ground behind some cover

"To war my fellow bitches! And our pet and plant!" Tina yelled before she fired her Rocket launcher again this time destroying a vehicle. Cackling crazily as she unleashed rocket after Rocket into the camp.

"I am not a pet!" Rocket yelled as he pulled out his large blaster and started to fire down as Groot began to move them down the cliff

"And I am Naruto's bitch!" Moxxi yelled dual wielding shotguns as she slid down the cliff

"Be a thirsty slut later!" Jack yelled as she unleashed her biotic attack on the psychos

Naruto who was hiding behind an overturned vehicle was firing at the psychos with his blasters "You ok? Claptrap right?" he asked the robot by his feet

"Yup! Thanks for the save meatbag! I thought I was a goner till you showed up!" Claptrap thanked

"No problem Moxxi said you were somewhat useful now watch my back and alert me if someone is sneaking up on us" Naruto said before he shot a psycho melting his face off with a flaming bullet

"Aww that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me. If I were programmed to feel happiness I would." Claptrap said before he saw a psycho running at them with a machete. To which Claptrap responded by screaming like a girl.

Naruto turned and swung his sword at the psycho making him scream as he was shocked from the inside by the electricity coating Naruto's sword

"... oh I love this thing" Naruto grinned seeing the damage his new blade did before seeing another psycho leap onto the overturned vehicle behind him.

Before he was sent flying by Jack's biotics

"Thanks for the help good sir!" Claptrap yelled as he saluted Jack

"... I'm a woman, you piece of scrap!" Jack yelled

Claptrap's eyes cracked at this from his shock at this information

Naruto snorted at this before he fired his pistols at some psychos rushing at them. The team slowly took them all out The final psycho running at Naruto claiming he'd become his new meat bicycle before Moxxi shot him in the face with her shotgun

"The only one riding that hunk is me!" Moxxi yelled

"Aw no more?" Tina asked as she jumped down off the cliff and Naruto caught her in his arms "there's usually always a big guy that comes after we kill a bunch of pussies like this. Like an alpha bullymong or a giant centipede. Or a dude with a massive sledgehammer

They then heard a roar as what looked like a four-armed, ape-like creature burst out of the ship and roared at them

"You had to tempt fate didn't you ya psycho bitch?!" Rocket yelled as he fired at the creature

"Woohoo! More skulls for my skull throne!" Tina giggled before the creature rushed at her and Naruto. Naruto threw Tina up into the air and dodged a punch from the ape-like creature before Naruto shot a fire bullet into the creature's face. Unfortunately it barely burned the creature before Naruto lepat over it's next punch and caught Tina as she depended back down to the ground.

"Don't just stand there you idiot!" Jack yelled at Naruto who ran from the ape creature while carrying Tina

"Miss baldy! Throw these at him!" Claptrap yelled as he pointed at some green barrels that had a warning label and said toxic acid

"The name's Jack you tin can!" Jack growled at Claptrap

"... but you said you were a woman. Are you a pre op transvestite?" Claptrap asked

"grrrrr" Jack growled as she glowed with her biotic powers

"Jack kill Claptrap later! Throw the barrels at the bullymong!" Moxxi said as she reloaded her shotguns after having unloaded her shotguns into the beast.

Jack raised her hands grabbing the barrels and threw them at the Bullymong and Moxxi and Rocket fired at the barrels destroying them covering the Bullymong in what looked like highly toxic acid.

The bullymong howled in pain and anguish as the acid started to melt it's flesh from his body. It's movement slowing down from its overwhelming pain.

Groot then charged at the Bullymong and grabbed him by his neck and started to slam him into the ground

"I am Grooooooot!" Groot yelled as he slammed the mutant creature repeatedly slowly destroying him and sending limbs flying with each slam

"Holy shit" Jack said wide eyed not expecting the gentle tree to suddenly bludgeon a beast to death

Groot smiled at Jack happy he impressed her before he dropped the Bullymong's corpse to the ground and walking away

"Well that was fun. We should celebrate. Who wants an orgy?" Moxxi asked holstering her shotguns and looking at Naruto

"I get first crack!" Tina yelled as she hugged Naruto who was still carrying her

Naruto rolled his eyes at this before he dropped her "let's just get into the ship and see if Rocket can fix it" he said

"Good plan whiskers" Rocket said before he walked into the ship to survey what would need to be fixed.

"I'll help you out for saving me" Claptrap ssid following after Rocket

"Oh goody" Rocket grumbled as Claptrap followed him

"Man the galaxy has changed alot from my time" Naruto chuckled seeing this

"C'mon let's go make sure Rocket doesn't kill your new robot friend. Mostly cause I wanna kill him" Jack said as she scowled

"Don't let him get to ya Jack at least your friends know you're a girl" Naruto said with a smile as they all went inside the ship

(inside the ship)

Naruto was in the engine room after everyone had split up to check the ship out and Naruto was talking to Rocket who was looking over the engines

"So can it be fixed?" Naruto asked curiously

"Please these psychos are all useless.I can get this flying in an hour. Two if I have my eyes closed." Rocket said with a grin

"Perfect. I'll leave it to you since I'd just get in the way. In the meantime I'm gonna loot stuff" Naruto smirked

"I'll announce it over the PA system when we are ready. And good luck. Claptrap and Tina probably beat you to it" Rocket said with a snicker

"That can't have found everything yet" Naruto said as he left the engine room

"Avoid the bar! Moxxi is in there! Last thing you want is a roofie Colada!" Rocket said before laughing

"Ha ha ha" Naruto said with a roll of his eyes as he left.

Naruto walked along the halls of the ship to see if there was anything useful to loot. Be it weapons, ammo, whatever pasees for money in this galaxy. Anything really.

And just when his search was becoming troublesome from not finding anything he found a bunch of lockers across from Moxxi's bar.

"... I'll be quick and not go into the bar. Should be fine." Naruto muttered after weighing his options before he opened a locker door.

He found what looked like some credits which he recalled Jack talking about before and before he could close the locker he paused and saw a picture hanging on the back wall of the locker.

A picture of Mad Moxxi herself wearing a black and white striped bikini striking a sexy pose on a poker table and holding up some poker cards.

"Wow" Naruto said as he took the photo to look it over with a closer eye.

"Yeah that picture is a collectors item," Moxxi said, announcing her presence behind Naruto. Making him quickly turn around to face her.

"Um Moxxi! I was Um uh" Naruto stammered trying to find a defense

"Oh don't worry you can keep that picture but if you ever want to have some fun just say the word. There's two things you should know in that case. I sleep with my door unlocked and this just happened" Moxxi said before she pulled down her shirt. Flashing Naruto her nude breasts before walking back to her bar

Naruto's eyes widened at this as Moxxi walked away chuckling and swaying her hips

"Damn she got you good if those were guns you would be dead" Tina said announcing her presence next to Naruto

"Gah! Damn it Tina I'm putting a bell on you!" Naruto yelled as he patted his chest to calm himself

"Ooh Kinky" Tina grinned at Naruto as she got in his face

"I'm not getting kink- you know what Nevermind. I give up" Naruto sighed

"Hey! The ships is all set! So ifSo if you want to suggest a destination, get to the bridge!" Rocket's voice yelled over the PA

"Where do you want to go anyways?" Tina asked Naruto as they both started walk towards the Bridge

"Moxxi said she wanted to head somewhere. Someplace called Omega." Naruto said as he had no better ideas. While he'd love to visit his old planet he was afraid of what he'd find since he seemed to be the last elementian alive.

"Sweet! I'm up for anything. I have never even been off Pandora! I'm excited to see space!" Tina said with a grin as they entered the bridge where everyone else was waiting

"Well then let's make that a reality for you. Next stop Omega" Naruto announced

"Ah Moxxi wants to show you some Asami dancers eh?" Rocket asked with a snicker as he messed with the controls of the ship

Jack rolled her eyes at this while she sat in a seat

"What's an asari?" Naruto asked confused

"You'll find out when we get there" Moxxi said grinning as the ship suddenly shook and launched into the sky.

"Off to adventure!" Claptrap yelled from his seat which he was tied to with chains. Everyone watched as the ship exited Pandora's atmosphere before shooting into a star laden galaxy. Their next stop, Omega.

Hey everyone Kfbanime87 here

hope you all enjoyed this first chapter of my newest fic

this is gonna be a combination of Sci fi franchises the main base for this world being mass effect

no Star wars or DC universe

just so we can keep things from going to crazy

Thanks everyone, I hope to get support on P-A-T-R-E-O-N, the link is on my profile bio remove spaces to use the full link.