The Wall 2 Wall Mart corporate suits all sat around the meeting table, waiting in nail biting anticipation for their boss to show up. Nobody knew what he would say, what he would do, and who would be walking out of the meeting room still holding their job. Sweat beads on foreheads, nervous glances exchanged, the tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a steak knife.
Then finally, the double doors at the back of the room opened, and in the man walked. He wore a full white suit, including white shoes, with a purple button up shirt and golden yellow necktie underneath. His red hair slicked back with copious gel, and large gold framed sunglasses on his face. His mouth curled down in an all business frown. The Wall 2 Wall Mart CEO, Dev Dimmadome.
Dev Dimmadome may have only been 25 years old, but he held an iron fist over corporate Wall 2 Wall Mart. When he was 21, having just graduated from business college, his father Dale had purchased the mega chain and gifted it to his son.
In his four years as Wall 2 Wall Mart CEO, Dev had reinstated minimum wage rates from 1990, not adjusted for inflation. He also hired delegates to lobby for larger stores, the largest of which currently taking up over 20% of Detroit. All in all his reign as CEO had been a successful one, in his eyes at least.
Dev slowly strolled through the meeting room, none of the suits sure where he was looking due to his sunglasses obscuring his eyes. Upon reaching the front of the room, Dev sat down at the head of the table, folded his hands in front of him, and took a long pause before speaking.
Nobody dared make any noise or take their eyes off the boss.
"Good morning team." Dev greeted coldly.
"Good morning sir." the suits echoed.
Dev turned to face the front wall and clapped his hands twice. A projector hanging from the ceiling turned on and displayed a series of charts. "After thoroughly examining all of our numbers, as I do every morning before work, I noticed that sales are up, demand for our products is up, yet somehow…" The executive spun around to face his employees. "Profits are down!" he boomed.
The suits all jumped in their seats.
"Does anybody have an explanation for why this might be?" Dev swiftly pulled his sunglasses off his face. His eyes pierced through each of his employees with the white hot intensity of one thousand suns. "Well?"
A silence loomed over the room as the suits looked between each other, hoping someone else would muster the courage to speak up. Dev slowly panned his eyes back and forth across the room, the rest of his face still as a statue.
Then, one brave employee in a white button up shirt and purple blazer raised his hand. "I-I have an idea sir."
"Let's hear it." scowled Dev.
"I believe the reason profits are down is due to the recent increase in labor costs overseas."
"So then how are we supposed to combat that?"
"Well uh-" he paused, tugging at his collar.
"How do we combat it?" Dev repeated louder.
"We…? We could create all of our products in house?"
"In house products? That'd better be a joke! Do you have any idea how much more that would cost?"
"I-I'm sorry sir. I panicked. I failed to realize the immediate flaw in my-"
"Save it!" snapped Dev. "That is perhaps the worst idea I have heard since mind control through milk! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fire you right now!"
"I-I-I-"
"Pathetic. What's your name?"
"Ch-Chad, sir."
"Well Chaz, you're gonna be the first to test out Dimmadome Empire's newest method for getting rid of unwanted employees." Dev reached into his pocket and pulled out a small remote with one red button in the middle. "You might want to cross your arms in front of your chest."
"Deeev!" called out a sweet female voice as the meeting room doors burst open. The suits all turned to see a woman walking in, approximately Dev's age with thick curly dark hair, and wearing a blue and pink striped business dress.
"Hazel! Sweetie!" Dev exclaimed, quickly hiding his hands behind his back. The CEO's expression changed from one of malice to one of jubilation instantaneously. "What brings you here?"
"You left your lunch on the kitchen counter, so I decided to drop it off for you on my way to work." said Hazel, pulling a brown paper bag out of her purse. "We both know how cranky you get whenever you miss lunch."
Dev's face turned a shade of pink in embarrassment. The suits all exchanged glossy eyed glances and held in a few giggles. Sweetie? Mr. Dimmadome has a significant other? Who knew he even had a heart.
"I also packed you a soy pudding cup." smiled Hazel, holding out the brown paper bag.
"Thanks Hazel. You're the best."
Those were three words all of the suits had collectively agreed they would never hear come out of Mr. Dimmadome's mouth.
"Hope I'm not interrupting anything important." Hazel said, followed by a bashful laugh.
"Nope. Nothing important at all." proclaimed Dev, grabbing the brown paper bag with the same hand still wielding the small remote.
Hazel's smile then changed to a confused frown. "Devin, what is that?"
"What is what?" Dev asked innocently, hastily trying to re-hide the small remote behind his back.
Hazel's eyes narrowed. "Did you invest in the remote controlled trap door?"
"What? Of course not." Dev replied, a wide smile spreading across his face, making it painfully obvious to everyone in the room he was lying.
"Don't lie to me." said Hazel, crossing her arms.
Dev bowed his head. "Okay yes. I did invest in the remote controlled trap door."
"Hand over the remote." Hazel held out her hand.
A small puppy-like whimper escaped Dev's mouth as he relinquished the small remote.
"Is this the only remote?"
Dev then reached into his other pocket, pulled out a second identical remote and handed it to his partner.
"You've been watching too many cartoons again." Hazel sighed, shaking her head.
"Sorry, Pookie." moaned Dev, genuine remorse in his voice.
Hazel's stern glare melted back into a smile. "Aw, you know I can't stay mad at you, Stallion." She leaned over and pecked Dev on the cheek, causing his smile to return. Hazel then checked her smart watch. "I have to get going." She turned and began walking toward the doors. "See you after work."
"See you after work." repeated Dev, his demeanor oozing happiness unlike anything his employees had ever seen from him. But as soon as the doors closed, his smile dropped, he adjusted his tie, reapplied his sunglasses, and sat back down at the head of the meeting table.
"Moving on," said Dev. Then he paused, noticing the looks of mixed confusion and hilarity across all of the suits' faces. "What?"
"Um, sir?" said Chad, apprehensively raising his hand. "Am I still-?"
"No Chap, you're not fired."
