"She's..."
...reborn.
"She's...what?"
I'm stuck.
"...I don't know how to...say this..."
I don't have any control.
"She's not...breathing."
I...everything I remember is slowly fading...
"Wh...wha...no...doctor, that's not..."
This is the price I have to repay?
"I-Is there nothin' else you can do?!"
So be it.
"Wait...doctor..."
I guess I don't have a choice.
"Th-there's a heartbeat."
What can I use?
"But, Mrs.-"
No...I don't...Isn't there anything else?
"I heard it! I know what I heard!"
I don't want to use this person.
"Doctor! Please! Do something!"
I'm tired of this repeated cycle!
"Keep her alive! Do whatever you need to do to keep my daughter alive!"
I didn't want to be reborn like this!
"Please! I'll be okay, just take her and receissitate her!"
It always comes down to the choice between two lives...
"I'll stay with my wife and tend to her the best way I can! Keep our daughter alive!"
Mine and hers.
"I...I'll do my best..."
I'm sorry...mother.
Back and forth I went. Back and forth I go.
Back and forth the "copycat" went. Back and forth the "copycat" goes.
I never understood what those things were nor did I care to. They were an eyesore. I hated them because I was seemingly the only one who could see them.
For the first 12 years of my life, I would make outbursts at seeing the "monster" peak from my closet, I would have panic attacks on the way home from school with friends because of the "stalker" following us, I would stare in shock and fear at the "stranger" mocking my teacher by trying to teach me in the classroom.
It was only at the age of 12 that I realized that if I don't acknowledge their presence, they'll leave me alone. I learned my lesson over the years.
The consequences? Well...a "fanatical" child spewing "impossible" occurrences cost me keeping friends, and extended family visiting, and my mental health...
I've been told by these so-called family and friends that I've been cursed, I've overheard conversations that my dad should've never married my mom or have me not only because she's from America, but because of her skin color, I've seen my sibling being beaten on my behalf when I was younger and unable to do anything.
I had to learn how to fight, how to stand up for myself and the last two people who care about me, I had to sacrifice my social life just for a sense of normalcy and suffer in silence as these beings keep surrounding me. They're more of a nuisance than a fear now that I'm older...
"I thought you were going to the party."
My focus zeroed in on the person standing some meters from my left. The silhouette I caught was the one of two family members who still associate with me. The others treat me as if I'm an omen.
"...changed my mind."
My half-brother, older than me by just 2 years, sat on the unoccupied swing next to me. "Just give our classmates a chance," he sighed.
"I've given everyone a chance, bro...and no one is willing to give me a chance. Why should I keep wasting my time, energy, and kindness on those who view me as a freak?"
"I know...but you can't just give up, sis. There are people out there who may not understand you well, but that doesn't mean everyone won't. Whatever you see, you seem to not see it anymore so everything should be fine...right?"
Wrong. I only pretend not to see them so as not to bring any more attention to myself. I don't want our neighbors or classmates to make him and my father victims of scrutiny because of me, but I feel like the damage has already been done. It's been eight years since I've been "quiet" amongst those I'm unfamiliar with and those I befriended in the past.
"Yeah...you're right," I lied to give him a form of comfort.
He leaned into my space reassuringly, "Well, there should be no reason why you shouldn't go, right?"
"...If you count anthrophobia, then yes."
"Going to a party would be the first step to getting rid of that..." he suggested with a lilting tone of help.
"I think getting some professional help is more of my speed..." I sarcastically remarked. "Ya know? To become reacquainted to people and how they act and react."
"You know what dad said about that, sis. He doesn't want to take you to see a therapist because that would just prove everyone right about you being "crazy". He doesn't want to feed our neighbors the lies they spew."
"I don't care about that...I need help and you know it. All three of us do. As soon as I turn 20 in a few days, I'm seeking help, whether it makes him disappointed or not."
My brother didn't immediately reply, processing my words. He looked bothered by my claim...or maybe something else. Hadn't he slid his glasses back on his face, they would've fallen to the ground.
"You need to get those tightened...or get new ones."
"Yeah, I know... Say, putting the party topic aside, you're almost done with your major in technical school thanks to dual enrollment in high school. What will you do?"
"There's a study abroad program coming up in a couple of weeks. I've saved enough to travel across seas to the Middle East, and I still am as long as I keep this part-time job."
"The Middle East? Why not the States? It's...a little more radical over there, but a little more safe-"
My gaze snapped to him, harshening with a glare, "Don't...be that way."
"Sorry...it's just that I want what's best for you. I want you to be as safe as you can be... Me and dad won't be there for you. Are you sure you'll be fine on your own?"
"Much better off than here," I huffed. "Thanks for the concern, though I feel I just need to leave Japan for a while. Something draws me to the Middle East, maybe the culture, history, I don't really know. Leaving here for a few months or a year would give me some clarity."
"Well...you're almost of legal age so I can't stop you nor do I want to stop you from going on your journey of mental clarity or do what you need to do." My brother gave me a genuine smile, "I wish you the best of luck, Rin."
I returned his gesture, "And I, the same for you, Jin. Hey, I'm a little hungry. Let's get something to eat."
"Sure. Whatcha wanna eat?"
Once everyone was asleep, I took my usual late-night stroll through the neighborhood. It's the only time I feel like I can go outside and walk around without receiving the judgemental and disdaining stares.
I escaped the quiet neighborhood, teetering on the edge of heading toward the train station.
Looking back at the neighborhood, I scoffed and shrugged. 'I'll be back before sunrise,' I thought, gripping the train ticket in my skirt's pocket.
I crossed the barrier holding me back from exploring into the distant lands known as Tokyo.
Along my stroll to the station, I marveled at the quiet accompanied by the moonlight. It's rare when I can go on a night walk because
'I hope I find a place to get a quick snack. Dinner wasn't enough for me so I'm still hungry. There's nothing wrong with sneaking out for a late-night snack and a little exploring. Besides, a little experience should won't hurt in the long run...'
The irony of how I call it "experience"...
It's courteous and policy to be quiet on a train during the day and night.
What makes this experience all the better is that there's hardly anyone on the trains late at night which means there are fewer people, who mind their business.
'What'd I give for this solitude and non-attention setting every day...' I thought, lifting my head from the back of the train seat to across the train.
Unfortunately, my vision was blocked by one of those invisible demons. My immediate reaction is to make myself appear to be looking past it, to make it seem like I didn't acknowledge its presence because as soon as I do give a pinch of my attention, they latch onto me and follow me around everywhere.
I've learned to punch them off of me whenever I am alone. When I was younger, I used to do it a lot in public and other parents would keep their children, my "friends", away from me. My "friends" thought I still played with my "imaginary friend".
The demon is the most grotesque I've come across so far. It didn't have any defining human facial features, but it did have 2 arms and 2 legs, and its height reached the roof of the train. Despite the lack of facial features, I knew it was staring down at me, but I ignored it.
["Good evening. The next stop will be in the next five minutes at 11:36 PM. Please, prepare to exit on the next stop safely. Thank you."]
"Welp...here we go..." I mumbled to myself, leaning up on the edge of my seat.
It was only until I looked around the train that I noticed the only two present were me...and this thing that hadn't moved an inch. It had its "sight" on me as if I were prey...as if it had been stalking me for a while.
I pretended to look at my nails and a muffled chuckle escaped me, "Wouldn't be the first time..."
Shifting my body to the right, I looked back into the night through the train's windows to see the transport closing in on the train station.
'I've never been into the city, I don't know where to even go...but what I do know is that it's best if I scope a good place to live once I return to Japan after my studies are completed in the Middle East. I need to leave Sendai as soon as possible.'
It's better if I weren't involved in my dad and brother's lives. They've suffered enough. Now that I'll be legal age, Dad doesn't have to go through with the neighbors shaming him for keeping me and not sending me off to foster care. Jin doesn't have to be bullied anymore; me getting into physical altercations with guys that attend our college doesn't make it any better, and winning those fights gives those bullies reason to hold him hostage for them to corner me.
I don't like starting drama and fights, but when someone gets my family involved, I have no choice but to finish it.
'It should've been me, mom. I should've been a stillborn, you should've lived. I've been cursed since I was born. Dad should've sent me to a foster home as soon as I told him about everything I've been seeing, I've been nothing but trouble for him and Jin. I'm not normal.'
"My existence is..."
"An obstacle for my master."
Well, fuck my life...I got caught lacking. Never once had I heard one of the things talk before, and because this was the first time, my attention returned to where its face was supposed to be.
I don't understand what happened in that split second. That thing had raised its hand, then it had disappeared...but the blood that splattered across my cheek hadn't. It was the only reason why I knew that what just happened was real.
The train doors had opened and only one person had entered. I don't know what was more discombobulating, the traditionally dressed child who took a seat across from me or the mauled monster that disintegrated at the end of the train.
I couldn't move. I felt like I couldn't even breathe. Was I afraid? Was I in a state of shock? Was I fearing for my life? I don't know. I didn't know what to do. My first instinct was to run, yet seeing the unaware child sit across from me made me stay.
My eyes moved between the disintegrating monster and the...unnaturally charming child. Hadn't I witnessed something so terrifying, I would've been captivated by his beauty.
That child had his eyes closed the entire time and he didn't seem to notice anything that just happened. I straightened my posture, keeping a calm composure on the outside despite the skipping beats of my heart.
"Little boy...?"
Immediately, he opened his eyes to stare directly at me. His eyes were like blue diamonds, sharp and sharp like glass. I felt like with just one wrong move, he could read my next movement and make a move before I could. I didn't know how to explain it, I just felt more intimidated by him than the monster that's now nowhere to be seen...but I felt the blood sliding down my left cheek.
I touched my cheek, feeling the warm liquid smear, 'Can he see it?'
"A-...Are you..." I shuddered, realizing my breaths were short and difficult. "Are you okay? Why are you by yourself?"
["Please exit and enter safely. The next stop will be at 12:06 PM."]
His expression was unreadable as he opened his mouth to respond, "Are you by okay? Why are you by yourself?"
"...Why..."
'Wait...why am I here again?'
The irony of how I call it "experience"...when I should call it "escape". I hate living in Sendai. I hate the mundane. I hated my ability to see things that others couldn't I was jealous of those who couldn't see these monsters. I hate causing trouble for my relatives. I hate being an outcast. I hate not being like other normal people. I hate being stronger than a normal human girl. I hate...I hate...I hate...
For some reason, I felt something that felt akin to...familiarity. It felt right in the moment...but it didn't feel nice. Hatred is an emotion I feel all the time, only when it comes to those beings. What was this?
I shook my head away from the thought, focusing on the current situation.
"Look, kid. I'm tryin' to help you. Stop with the reverse psy-..." My tense expression fell. "I don't expect someone your age to understand what that means, but anyways...where are your parents? Did you get lost? If you're trying to find your way back home, what do you remember so I can help you-"
"Look...lady," he imitated with no change in expression. "Ever thought that maybe I chose to be on this train by myself? I'm a kid, but I'm not clueless and vulnerable."
A vein popped in my forehead, 'Smart ass mouth, the nerve of this kid. I'm tryna help him out and he bein' rude as shit. Fine. I'll mind my damn business from now on every time I see a kid alone in public.'
I sighed looking back outside the train window, "...whatever."
"..."
Despite me minding my business, I could feel the boy's focus on me still. His gaze was unwaveringly intense and it was somewhat difficult to ignore. I honestly dislike children who stare at me like I'm an anomaly. Not only can I see things that aren't there and it makes me unapproachable, but for the year 1995, my skin color was not exactly common in Japan.
"Did you see it?"
My eyes caught the reflection of the boy in the window, "...See what?"
"...You don't have to lie. I saw it, too..."
My head snapped to him, staring at him in disbelief, "What are you..."
"...because I "killed" it," he finished his sentence, finally revealing an emotion, apparently smitten, almost mischievous. "Are you afraid?"
'Well, of course, I'm afraid! It was the first time I've seen one of the things speak, much less getting close to attack me, and then it was laying in a pile of what I assume is its own weird colored blood. Why wouldn't I be afraid...? Or at least...I was.'
My eyebrows creased in frustration at this kid's playful nature, "...Not anymore...now that I know there's someone else like me."
By the raise of his eyebrows, he looked intrigued. "...So you thought you were the only one would could see them? You thought you were special?"
I scoffed at this kid's arrogance, "And based on my answer, you assume I thought I was special? Absolutely not. I didn't ask to see...whatever the heck those things are. The only reason why I think I've made it this far in life is by ignoring them."
He...looked me over with a thoughtful expression, "Hmm...so you are special."
"What?"
"You must be. You see cursed spirits...but have no cursed energy. You're an interesting case."
That term piqued my interest, "Cursed...spirits? What is that?"
"It'd take too long to explain to a newbie so just think of them like...evil dolls made by humans."
"...alright," I accepted the concept. "It's nice to put a name to what I see now. Just one question, kid. If I continue to ignore them, will they leave me alone?"
["Good evening. The next stop will be in the next five minutes at 12:06 PM. Please, prepare to exit on the next stop safely. Thank you."]
"I don't believe in giving false comfort so...it depends. Based on what I heard earlier...probably not. That cursed spirit seemed sentient. You better watch your back. Someone might have a hit on your head, lady."
The train made another stop and as if expecting to stop here, the boy stood up, dusting off whatever microscopic dirt that touched his expensive kimono.
["Please exit and enter safely. The next stop will be at 12:06 PM."]
"You're more special than I thought you were so..." He looked over his shoulder to give me one last look, "stay alive."
With that last exchange, the boy moved forward and exited the train. Naturally, any logical adult would go after the child and try to help them find their way back home...
But something told me that the boy wasn't lost at all.
'What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm more special than he thought I was? I didn't even do anything specific. All I got out of this whole trip was a name for these creatures, blood splatterin' on my face, and an egocentric ass child talkin' back to me like I'm stupid. If this is what all city folk is like, I'm goin' to go live in the mountains.'
My stomach made an uncomfortable churning and emitted a growl. I placed my right hand on my stomach, rubbing circles on it.
'But first...food. I'm so damn hungry...'
I got back home just before sunrise, just before Dad would leave for work, and Jin would leave for morning classes at our college.
I slept in, giving them the excuse that I was sick and felt too weak to attend classes. Dad insisted on Jin staying home to watch over me, but I convinced the two I would be fine. I'd be nothing but a burden to their occupations...
I'm nothing but a burden...and with whatever the hell happened last night, I'm aware that I might be more than just that for my family.
"You better watch your back. Someone might have a hit on your head, lady."
'I didn't even ask him for his name. Now that I think about it...I don't think I had to. With that white hair and blue eyes, the boy stands out so I'm pretty sure pointing him out in a crowd would be easy...so long as he doesn't dye it or wear contacts. Also, he entered and exited the train within the Tokyo area so he might live around there.'
I looked down at the palms of my hands, "I can see "cursed spirits", but I don't have any "cursed energy", huh?"
Getting up from my bed, I went to my closet dressed in jeans, a white crop top shirt, and black socks paired with white leather high tops. I grabbed my black tote bag, then rushed down the stairs, grabbed the spare house key, and rushed outside.
'Sitting in the house all day, driving myself insane isn't gonna help me get any answers...so...'
It's not the place I think I should be going for some information; however, it's not like I have access to a government office or a classified research facility so this is going to have to do...
'In I go the public library...'
This is a place I hardly frequented due to having easier access to my college's library. I did visit a lot when I was younger...until my library card was taken away by staff for "intentionally scaring children with talk of shadows in corners". I was hurt by the accusation and moped at first, but I learned to get over it. I never returned to this library with my dad or my brother...
Not until today.
I didn't care if the staff from all those years ago was still here, it's not like they put a restraining order against me nor did they ban me or my family so I still have full access to this place.
Remembering where my favorite section was, I headed straight to that area. Luckily, the layout of the library hadn't changed. I noticed there was only one person on the aisle, but they were busy reading a book so I took the initiative to look for books with "curse" in them and other related words like, "witchcraft", "hex", "spirits", and "homonculi".
Within ten minutes, I only found one book related to what I saw last night and the words the kid used. Assuming this isn't a known topic amongst regular humans, I figured there wouldn't be much information about this different world so I settled for the one book I found, hoping I'd find answers in it.
'If this doesn't give me the answers I need...where else would I turn to? It's not like I can find that kid again...that would look creepy, this isn't a concept any normal person would know, and I don't want to make myself seem like a "insane threat". It wouldn't be good for Jin...and dad's getting older, it'd be bad for his heart.'
Sighing at the potential dread I'd feel if I wasn't satisfied with the contents of this book, I closed the book after flipping through a couple of pages and left the aisle to go find a spot to sit and read.
I ended up sitting at a lone table in the corner of the library, far away from other people, near a window to soak in some natural light.
The World You Can't See was the title of the book and the author was someone I've never heard of before, Noritoshi Kamo.
I flipped to the first page of the first chapter, Normal. I began to read the first sentence on the page...
"If you're a normal person, reading this, take what I tell you as all pure speculation...however..."
My eyebrows furrowed as I pressed on with the reading...
"If you're a person...who happens to know what "cursed energy" is or a "cursed spirit"...then I should advise you...to do yourself a favor...Why not give yourself the most honorable death?"
As if on a tall carnival ride, my stomach dropped and I felt sick enough to puke. It didn't help that I had forgotten to eat breakfast this morning, but I held the water and acid down.
"Life is miserable, isn't it...Miss Roma?"
I pushed myself away from the book, terrified of the ink-blotted words on the page that didn't match the fine print I read before. I pushed myself up from the chair only to be sat back down with a pair of hands on my shoulders.
"Where ya goin', shadow girl?"
I looked up in front of me to see a girl from my college, Sumire. She regularly bothered Jin, constantly pressuring him to go out with her. I looked behind me to see her best friend, Ayaka. On each side of the table were Ayaka's boyfriend and Sumire's brother, Itsuki and Yamato.
They all had mischievous expressions. They weren't up to any good. On occasion, they'd find a way to bother me through Jin, but they'd never approached me before.
My eyes returned to the conniving bad hair-dyed blond across the table, 'Why the sudden change...? What's this bullshit about?'
"Roma. It's so good to see you, girl. What brings you here?"
I stared at her for a while, unmoving and unresponsive because what else would I be doing at a library? I just wanted her to realize how stupid of a question she asked and for her to cut the shit.
"..."
"Quiet as ever," Ayaka sighed, squeezing my shoulders but I didn't react.
"We saw you rushing into the library earlier and couldn't but follow after you to make sure you were okay. You looked a little panicked. Are you okay?" Itsuki asked, the fraudulent concern in his voice.
"...I'm fine. There was a book I really wanted to read is all," I gave a simple answer.
Yamato put his palm on the book and slid it in front of him to face, reading the words on the page. I hoped he would see what was written and give the same reaction
"If you're a normal person, reading this, take what I tell you as all pure speculation...however...If you're a person...who happens to know what "cursed energy" is or a "cursed spirit"...then I should advise you...to do yourself a favor. Why not give yourself the most honorable death? Life is miserable, isn't it...human?"
His brows furrowed at the beginning paragraph and then gave me a judgemental
The first person to look at me was Ayaka. Her disgust was quickly replaced by with a disapproving frown, "Roma, you poor soul. Why are you reading a book like that? You're not thinking about...suicide, are you?"
"...I would think of no such thing. I have too much to live for."
'...I just want to make sure my brother is set to live life and for dad to be properly taken care of as he gets older.'
"Too much to live for?" Sumire questioned. "I'm relieved you feel that way, Roma, but...don't you think you have your hopes a little too high? Don't you think you're causing more trouble than good?"
I turned my head a little to the left, but I didn't look over my shoulder to make eye contact with her, "Excuse me?"
"I'm sorry to say this, Roma, but Sumire may have a point. You...see these things that other people don't. Just reading this book...kinda proves it," Ayaka "remorsefully" informed.
"..."
"I agree. Every time we see you, you look so depressing, so afraid, so...unalive. You seemingly only live to make sure your family is okay. Isn't that just a waste? Don't you think they're an burden rather than yourself?" Itsuki tried to convince me.
"..."
"Maybe you should do yourself a favor...?" Yamato suggested with lifted eyebrows and a hinting smile.
"...Do I dare ask what that may be?" I broke my silence, keeping a straight face.
Ayaka smiled, seeming happy to oblige, "Of course."
I closed my eyes, "...And what is the favor I should do myself?"
"Why not ki-..."give yourself the most honorable death"?"
Her smile was unmoving, the light in her eyes didn't leave, her posture was upbeat, and she had her hands clasped together over her heart.
"..."
"Don't worry, Roma. There are many ways to make it quick, you won't feel a thing!" Yamato encouraged.
"..."
"And you also don't have to worry about Jin. I'll take care of him. He needs to stop being pampered and have a real woman in his life," Sumire giggled, digging her manicured nails into my shoulders. "He looks like a virgin...I'd bet he's a premature-"
"Hey, I know you're a slut, but don't be a slut in front of me," Yamato groaned at her.
"..."
"As for your dad, you don't have to worry about him either. My dad's a politician here in Sendai and he knows some good homes for him. He'll be in a great place," Itsuki "reassured". "Yeah...he'll soon be in the same great place as you."
"..."
Ayaka leaned forward over the table, "So? What do you say?" she asked with that sick smile.
I fluttered my eyes open, looking into her eyes, "...I have one last request before I go through with this."
"I'm home."
I closed the door behind me and took my shoes off before walking to the first place I thought I'd find my family, but...
"Dad? Roma?"
There was no response from either in the dark living room so I tried the kitchen to see if I found either of the two.
"Hello?"
Again, there was no one response. I was about to leave when I heard a swish in the darkness and I flinched out of fear. The flash of lightning outlined a silhouette standing somewhere in the kitchen Flicking the light switch up, my eyes zeroed in on my younger sister standing at the sink, she was facing away from me.
I could hear bumps and clinks against the interior of the sink and her hand was moving up and down. I assumed she was washing dishes I'm glad she was home, safe and sound, but I was disturbed about how she hadn't responded to my calls from earlier.
"Roma...?"
She stopped her subtle movements and her back straightened. She didn't immediately respond to me calling out to her. It was...a little unnerving. Sis is usually not this quiet around me or Dad. Roma used to be outspoken when we were younger but since the..."sightings" had increased, she became more reserved to the point others would think she was timid.
I shook my head away from that thought, 'That's not what's important here right now.'
It had begun to rain now. I don't recall there being any thunderstorms in the forecast this morning...unless there was a change in weather.
"Welcome home, Jin," she broke the uncomfortable silence with a gentle voice. "How were classes today?"
I wasn't surprised by how she didn't jump at the sound of the thunder that followed the flash of lightning earlier. Roma was never afraid of thunderstorms, bugs, or the dark. She's always been like that even before she became a recluse as she grew.
"...Thanks and...classes went fine. Hey, why were you just sitting in the-"
"Good...good. Did you get all the notes for the class we shared?"
"Uh, yeah...of course I did. You can copy them tonight or tomorrow morning. Hey, you didn't respond when I called. Is everything okay?"
"Hm? Everything is fine. I just wanted to sit in and enjoy the silence. Anyway...is everything okay with you? You said, "Classes went fine". That may be so, but...were you fine?"
My eyes scrunched up in confusion, "Huh? What do you mean?"
"You know how those bullies are when I'm not around. I know you try to hide when they do so don't even think about trying," she spoke with unwavering persistence.
I sighed, "Well...I tried. They have bothered me in the past, but they haven't today! I promise! I'll try to be better at standing up for myself. I'll never get anywhere in life if I keep relying on you to get people off my back. Hell, I'm in college and-"
"Oh, I know..." she cut me off. "I know they haven't messed with you today."
I was confused again, "Huh? You...knew? How...? I thought you didn't feel well this morning. You stayed home today, right?"
She nodded, "I did...after I visited the public library. They saw me and tried to get me to do something I didn't want to do...so I had a nice talk with them and they agreed to never bother you again."
My mouth became dry at the possibilities of whatever agreement they made with Roma. She's not violent...not unless someone bothers me or Dad with violence. I don't think she's done anything wrong nor would I ever accuse her of anything bad because I know who she is beneath that thick skin.
Roma is a kind and smart young woman. She's gentle, and caring, and she wouldn't hurt a fly unless provoked into defense. That's how any human should act, right? Roma just...needs room and understanding people to see her for who she is, not what she sees.
"Really? What did you talk about?"
Roma resumed washing the dishes, "I promised them I wouldn't speak to anyone about our agreement. I'm sorry, big bro. I can tell you that the agreement isn't life-threatening though" She turned her a little way over her right shoulder, but I couldn't see her face due to her bangs, "I fixed a warm bath for you because I saw on the news that it'd be raining this evening. I also put your dinner in the fridge for when you're done bathing. Dad has to work the graveyard shift so he won't be home until tomorrow morning. Oh, I'm not hungry right now so I'll eat my portion later."
I sighed out of relief, "I'm glad. Thanks for preparing a bath and dinner. It's like you the mom of the house. Where would Dad and I be without you?" I rhetorically remarked, moving toward her to hug her.
She held up her right hand, "Aht...no hugging me...not until you get that rainwater off of you."
I chuckled at her dismissal, "Alright, alright, I'll go."
"Good," she huffed, returning to her task.
'So there's nothing to worry about...? If she says everything is okay and is acting how she normally does, then everything is fine. There's no reason to doubt Roma, she'd never lie to me, and she'd never do anything to hurt me or herself. She's too good of a person.'
Turning away from her, I exited the kitchen. I entered the hallway, heading towards the bathroom when I heard "Out, damned spot," through the rain and thunder.
I shrugged my shoulders, 'That's right. She's learning about a play in her English class...I guess she's memorizing the lines.'
Tonight was the night.
It was time for me to be seen on the scene.
And of course...I didn't like it. Honestly, I hated it. I didn't want to be here. I'm uninterested in drinking and smoking, I don't like listening to this kind of music, and I'm indifferent to conversations that would either lead to fighting or fucking.
I don't have any business here, but since Jin practically begged, or encouraged in his words, me to come here with him, I couldn't resist. Even though he's my older brother, I was worried that some asshole would pick on him while he was here to enjoy himself and loosen up.
I was his security and drove home should he get too wasted. Also, if Dad found out Jin went to a party, got wasted, and I wasn't here to surveillance him, I'd never hear the end of it.
'Now that I think about it, I've never seen Jin drink...or smoke. If he does indulge, I don't want him to make it an unhealthy habit even if he is a grown, legal adult. He's got such a promising future, I don't want him to become like any of degenerates in here,' I thought in novelty and disgust.
Just the thought of it made my stomach churn to the point I was getting a little hungry. I regret not eating anything before I came to this party. Do I dare eat anything from the snack bar...?
I groaned at the possible options, 'I think not. The heated food looks uncooked, the brownies might be drugged, and the punch is definitely spiked. I'll wait 'til we get home.'
"Hey!"
I directed my attention to an approaching girl with dyed blond hair. She looked like she just got off the dance floor from the way she was panting. He was quick to catch his breath so he could speak to me.
"I've been looking for you, Miss Roma."
I kept a poker face, "Why? Who are you?"
"I'm Ayana Asahina. I'm Ayaka's twin sister. I heard you share a class with her and I heard she talks with you from time to time."
I lifted a brow, "Yeah...so?"
I could tell she was the complete opposite of her twin, innocent and unassuming. She looked a little sad about whatever she was thinking about, I almost felt sorry for her.
"Well...she was reported missing a couple of days ago. I was wondering if you had seen her, her boyfriend, or her friends she normally hangs around?"
Almost.
"Missing...? Are you serious? I just saw her a couple of days ago. We spoke in the public library," I told her.
She nodded, "Yeah. No one has seen her, no one even knows where she was last spotted. Ayaka may be stubborn and sassy, but she'd never leave home without telling me or our mom where she wasoing. I'm worried about her," she sulked. "Hey, since you were so close to her, could you help me and a search party my mom organized to find her?"
At first, I wanted to outright refuse her request...but so I wouldn't look suspicious, I would appease her. I don't need to cause any more trouble for my family than I already have.
"Um, we weren't exactly that close, just acquaintances, but sure. I'll help," I awkwardly agreed. "How many people know if she has gone missing?"
She grabbed my left arm with her ring-covered hand, pulling me along with her to wherever this search party was.
"Only a handful. We don't want her missing notice put out just yet so as not to cause panic in Sendai. A lot of hysteria can rise from a simple missing persons case, ya know?"
I narrowed my eyes at her explanation, 'No. I don't know. Ayaka is the daughter of one of the members from the city council. Her being MIA would be in newspapers and on local news stations in a heartbeat. I'm sure Mrs. Asahina doesn't know about her daughter's behavior, but that wouldn't give her a reason to not quickly search for her child.'
Becoming suspicious and cautious of her, I kept my eyes on the back of her head as she led me out of the party. Thinking quickly, I came up with a remark that would cut our time short.
"Hey, I almost forgot. My brother is at the party and I came with him to make sure he doesn't get wasted. If he does, I'm his drive home. Can we make this quick, please?"
"Oh? Sorry, I should've been more considerate. Well, you don't have to come out to search right now. I'll just take you to my mom to let her know you'll join us in future searches." She looked back at me with a grateful smile, "Besides, the police department might need a report from you and all the people who my sister interacted with."
I shrugged, reluctant to agree but I had no choice "...I guess."
She led me into a quiet neighborhood, "I won't keep you for long, I promise," she swore with a sparkle in her eyes.
Despite her innocence...I was a little uneasy. It might be the anthrophobia, anxiety, or distrust clouding this person's honesty, but I legitimately have a bad feeling about her. I've never felt this way before towards anyone who had bad intentions towards me or my family.
This felt different.
This felt abnormal.
This felt...dangerous.
It was only when we entered a dark alleyway that I realized the uncertainty and risk of this situation. If I panicked, I would alert her and she'd try to say or do something to subdue me so I remained calm. I decided on a safer path.
"Hey, why are we taking this alleyway?"
"Trust me, it's a quicker way to get to my mom's office in the city council office," she reassured.
Lie. Run.
Listening to my first mind, I sunk my right hand's fingernails into the one that firmly held my left arm. She hissed and instantly let go. Ayana spun on her, face filled with hurt and worry at my forceful response.
"Trust you? I think not. Where the hell are you taking me, huh?"
"Wha...what? I-I told you already, I'm taking you to my mom's office at the city council building. Did I say something wrong? Why did you..." She looked at her arm, surveying the red spilling from the deep crescents in her fair skin.
I frowned, dropping my fists by my side, ready to swing if she tried anything, "Yeah, I heard you the first time...but then I started thinking...the city council building is closed on the weekends."
She looked dumbfounded by the information, "Wh...huh? B-But my mom-"
"Not only that, but Representative Asahina is out of town on important business in Tokyo. She won't return until she settles on agreement in the Ibaraki Prefecture."
"H-How do you...?"
"How do I know that?" I chuckled, placing my hands on my chest as I smiled sinisterly at her, "Of course I know that! Why wouldn't the murderer keep tabs on the family member who is likely to find out about her?!"
Tears welled up in Ayana's eyes. She looked like she was in despair, it's as if she was staring death in the eyes...and in a way, depending on what she turns out to be, she might be.
The crocodile tears began to spill, "Why...why would you? How could you?! Y-You and Aya...she w-was your friend! Sh-She was...my sister! You murderer! I'll rat you out! I-I'll have you put on death row!" She hiccuped, "I trusted you!"
I pouted, mocking her with a fake sadness, "And I trusted you, too, Ayana. I really did...until I found out that you're just a better version of them, you fucking fake."
That distraught face turned into outrage, "What the hell are you talking about? You're fucking crazy! I didn't believe my sister when she said it because I didn't know you, but now I see why!"
I tilted my head at her confusing statement, putting my hands in my denim jeans' pockets, "I'm crazy for not knowing that Ayaka Asahina is the only child?"
She went silent, "..."
I smirked, "So I was right. You are what they call a "cu-"
It all happened so quickly. The abomination that transformed into what it is happened in the blink of an eye and I found whatever monster was looming over me like the one did in the bullet train.
The "cursed spirit" didn't say anything. It only stared as if playing with me, making the anticipation of its attack build in the silence and darkness of this alleyway. If it were to kill me now, no one would know, no one would probably even hear me scream for help.
My smirk fell into a somber smile, "...Well..."
What did it matter? If I were gone, Dad and Jin would be better off. I didn't want the time to come so soon, but I didn't have any way of escaping this situation. There was no point in struggling. It wouldn't make my death go by any faster...and if I were to go out, I wanted it to be quick and painless.
I closed my eyes, bracing for the impact I hoped I would never feel, 'I'm sorry, dad, Jin...mother.'
There it goes again, my stomach growled and rumbled at such an inconvenient time. Not only am I about to die, but I'm gonna die on an empty stomach.
"I hope there's food in paradise..." I spoke aloud, internally snickering at how that would be my last sentence.
"Forgive me. He's making me do it. I had no choice."
"Nice doin' business with ya, boy," the old man gave his gratitude, waving his hand off at me.
I sighed at the scoundrel, walking away with the disgusting contents in the bag. Groaning at the soreness in my muscles, I ignored the guy and walked off from the deserted street.
I took the pouch out of my sleeve, shaking the hefty gratitude inside. At the weight of what I felt, I hoped the guy was right about the worth of how much 500 of these things are.
'Whatever the amount, it's not necessary at the moment. If I keep this up, I'll be able to determine if I'm good at this or not before I start taking on more than what I can handle.'
The moonlight peeked from behind the clouds in the night sky. I lifted my head and right hand up to the moon, angling my hand at a certain degree to get the right estimate...I'm not exactly good at getting the approximate time just yet.
I groaned, "2 in the morning? Already? Guess it's time I go back before I don't hear the end of it from that old geezer."
Taking a shortcut in the quiet neighborhood through an alleyway, I bemoaned the idea of returning to that hell hole called "home". If I didn't need wanting to get this knack I picked up under my belt to make it a habit, I wouldn't return at all. There's nothing I want from them and there's nothing they can get out of me.
"Family"...what a careless word..." I huffed.
Hearing a bunch of smacking sounds in my blind spot, I turned my head in the direction of where it was coming from. I stopped in my steps once I saw that they emitted from a dark corner of an alleyway.
I thought it best to wait for the moonlight to reach what or who was making those sounds that were soon joined by grotesque rips and crunches. Whatever it was, I didn't want to disturb it and pass by. I opened my mouth just in case reasons.
"...hungry..."
I blinked at someone mumbling the word. They sounded like a human, there was no distortion in their voice nor any howling in pain. A homeless person maybe? Or a drunk?
About to brush off the situation with a sigh at the false danger, I planned on continuing my walk through the alleyway until the moonlight had shunned down on the struggler.
Blood was splattered on the cement and the brick walls. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the thing beneath the figure was an unrecognizable monster who's...flesh was torn, bones broken, and internal organs missing. It looked like an incomplete experiment, a mix of a human and a cursed spirit. It didn't even disappear. They're supposed to right after it's exorcised...but I guess this can't be called an exorcism. It's a meal.
If the shredded thing lying lifelessly on the ground was a new breed of curses, then just what the hell was that on top of it, feasting on all of its contents like a bottomless pit?
It sounded human. It looked like a girl. Is that a completed version of whatever new breed this is? She isn't a sorcerer... Does it matter? This has nothing to do with me. She's clearly too busy feasting like a glutton to notice my presence. I should just leave and leave her to it.
The smacks, rips, and crunches came to an abrupt stop and so did I. I don't know if she...or it recognized me with just the slightest step. I was ready to regurgitate-
"What...? Huh? What happened...?"
My eyes returned to the now innocent and confused "girl". She had an intense look in her eyes as she looked around, observing her surroundings until her eyes caught me.
I gritted my teeth, 'Shit.'
"Hm...? Uh, excuse me...Mister? Wh-Where am I? Where's papa...and big brother? I...I was just with them." She looked up at the night sky, "Huh? Wait...it's night? Why am I out here? I-I should be at home." Her eyes snapped to me with a suspicious shine, "Did you...kidnap me?"
I scoffed at her assumption, "As if I'd take on the responsibility of having a brat under my wing. I just stumbled across you feasting on that thing. You wondered out here by yourself, yokai."
"I...did? I don't remember...? I was just with-" The "girl" finally let her gaze fall to the mess she was hunched over.
For a moment, she stayed quiet, trying to comprehend what she was looking at. For the age, she appears to be and if she is human, there's no understanding of what she is looking at.
The "girl" raised her hands, opening them to let the flesh slide from her small fingers, followed by the purple blood as began to tremble. It sounded like she was attempting to keep her composure, but that failed miserably. I admired her attempt though.
The screams and cries soon let loose from her mouth and eyes. It was only a matter of time for her to realize she had killed and eaten someone. That someone could be her "papa" or "big brother".
I looked on in silence at her breakdown, 'Who am I to break the news to her when I'm not even sure myself...? I almost feel bad for her, but this is just the other side of the world she'll have to face. I guess she isn't aware of what lurks in the shadows of what normal human can see.'
Her crying and sobs began to get on my nerves. I was going to say something to try to shut her up and not bring any attention if anyone heard, but she instantly stopped once she looked closer at the body, holding up the remains of the head.
"This...this isn't papa...or big brother..."
The way apathy rested on her face was unsettling. She dropped the head from her palm, appearing unbothered by the situation as if she didn't just realize she murdered "someone" and proceeded with a panic attack.
"What are you, yokai?" I asked, curious as to what answer I'd receive.
She frowned at me, "My name is not Yokai and I am not a pretty monster."
I sucked my teeth to express my annoyance, "That's why I'm asking, smartass."
The "girl" looked a little lost for words at my question. I groaned again, 'Don't tell me the brat doesn't remember her name? She went beyond insane for a meal that she forgot her name? If she hadn't mentioned her family, I thought she would've been left on the streets to die...'
"There's a name that keeps coming to mind...but that's not who I am," she mumbled lowly, yet I heard her. "My name is Roma Itadori. What about you, Mister?"
I grew wary of her again and decided to take the safer route.
"That's not important right now. What's important is that you're sitting on top of a "corpse" that's not decaying. Again, what are you?"
"Itadori" looked between me and the cursed spirit. She soon got up off the lifeless body and took a couple of steps back. She looked afraid, but not at the curse, afraid to answer the question.
"So you are a cursed spirit," I assumed due to her lack of answering. I let my mouth stay open and readied myself to move aside my gag reflex.
"I don't know...what that is, I'm sorry. I want to say I'm human...but seeing what I've done, I'm not sure anymore." She clasped her hands together, anxiety written all over her. "Are you going to punish me because I did something bad?"
"..."
"I swear, I don't remember anything before meeting you! I didn't mean to kill...whatever this was. It doesn't look any more human than I do so...is it bad that I killed it?"
"It's not because it doesn't look human...You wouldn't think that if it was a dog, would you?"
"Itadori" rapidly shook her head from left to right, long pink bloodstained curls swaying in each direction. It was just then that I took notice of her appearance. She had unruly pink hair that reached the ground and surrounded her body in a pool of pink. I couldn't see her clothing, but I could tell it was baggy and nearly falling off her body. Her cheeks weren't hollow, she didn't have bags under her visible left hazel eye, her hair was unruly but clean, and her nails were clipped and clean. The only problem was the blood clinging to her clothes, hands, and around her mouth. There was also something about her eye, not only was hazel surrounding her pupil, but there was an outer shell of white. It was unnatural; I chalked it up to being a recessive trait or defect, or something...
There was a sparkle in her whitish-hazel eye that wasn't covered by her hair, "I love puppies..."
'She's human alright,' I concluded.
"...Good. I guess you're a rare case then. I'm not sure if you're surrounded with cursed energy or if you're some kind of rogue jujutsu sorcerer, but I guess we're going to find that out if you come with me."
She took a step back as a means of defense, "Come with you? But Mister, I don't know you. What if my Papa and big brother are searching for me? I have to get home so they know I'm okay."
"With the state you're in, I think they'd have me arrested when I didn't do anything to you. You might be effected by something and it could effect your family, too, if you return. Also, I don't know what other repercussions the situation would have on me if I returned you. Do you even know where you live? Or recognize where you are?"
She looked around again before shaking her head again in response.
"I rest my case. Any more qualms you have?"
"I have so many questions about the words you used. While you take me to get some help, could you explain to me what "cursed spirits" and a "jujutsu sorcerers" is?"
I shrugged, "Sure. Whatever. But mind you...the world you're about to enter isn't kind children and you may never be able to escape it. I'm giving you a chance to leave and find your way back home."
She shook her head, "Mm-mm...I don't wanna go back home now...not right now. I want to know what those things are so I don't cause anymore trouble for my family..."
"Things?" I questioned in interest.
"Yeah, they look like this," she pointed at the cursed corpse that still hadn't disappeared. "I've been seeing these ever since...I don't know when I was a baby. Papa said I was a crybaby so I must've seen these beings since then. There are three kinds I've noticed, the "copycat", "monster", "stalker", and "stranger"." She poked the curse with her right foot, "This must be a copycat."
I understood her situation now, 'She's a curse user, but she's unaware, it doesn't make her a definable evil sorcerer because doesn't know how to control her cursed energy...if she has any. Is eating cursed spirits something you can even call a cursed technique? Since the thing she killed and ate is a curse, she shouldn't get in trouble with the higher-ups should the old geezer want to indoctrinate her.'
"Fine. Suit yourself. Let's go."
I thought she might be a little weak and slow from eating so much and using cursed energy, but she was quick on her feet. Jumping over the curse, she took strides to me on her bare feet, holding up the long purple shirt with red writing on the back that I'm surprised she didn't trip over.
My eyes narrowed at the long cloth, moving to the trail where I noticed there were denim blue jeans and red sneakers too big for a child to wear.
"Since I'll be going with you, I should know your name now. What should I call you, Mister?" she asked, approaching me with a gleam of interest in her eyes. "I don't want to keep calling you "Mister". You're the only person I know right now so it'd make me comfortable to know your name."
'...this isn't a child.'
I lifted a brow at her, "Ah? Why do you wanna know my name? You won't ever see me again once this all blows over."
'Something did happen to her, she most likely doesn't remember. I won't bring that up to her so as not to cause any more confusion and questions. It's no wonder why she acts maturely...unless she's always been like this, though I doubt it.'
She puffed out her cheeks as if she was upset, "You don't know that for sure. Besides, why don't you want me to know your name?"
I didn't answer her immediately, scrutinizing the girl one more time. Despite the baggy shirt, I could tell she was a little chubby due to her plump cheeks.
She put her hands on her hips, making a frown again as if to make her point. Despite what I saw earlier, she isn't all that intimidating when she acts childishly...or maybe I only think that because I wasn't the one dead on the ground having my blood and organs feasted on.
Annoyed, I squatted down to her level and pulled the excess cloth off the ground, tying an intricate knot behind her back so it wouldn't cause her to trip and accidentally kill herself.
She gasped, trying to look behind her to see and probably admire the bundle sitting behind her back. I tied the cloth in a way that was similar to an obi on a kimono.
I stood to my full height, my shadow overcast her like a cloud, "Getting to know someone's name is the start to forming a bond...so don't make me regret this."
She tilted her head, her eyes were scrutinizing me now, "Huh...?"
I grinned at her innocence and gullibility, "Welcome to Hell. Name's Toji. Make my remaining time interesting, yokai."
A/N
"Out, damned spot" references Lady Macbeth's quote from "The Scottish Play" or "The Tragedy of Macbeth".
"I didn't want to be here. I'm uninterested in drinking and smoking, I don't like listening to this kind of music, and I'm indifferent to conversations that would either lead to fighting or fucking. I don't have any business here, but since Jin practically begged" references Alessia Cara's "Here".
"Yokai" is a Japanese word that refers to a broad range of supernatural beings and mysterious phenomena, including ghosts, demons, monsters, shapeshifters, and tricksters. The word is derived from two kanji characters: yō, which can mean "attractive," "bewitching," or "calamity," and kai, which can mean "mystery" or "wonder".
Hello, hello, hellooo! This is something I wanted to make to cope with what's happened in the manga and to get a fresh start on a new project so I'd give Kitsunebi a break. I'm not sure where I'm going to take this story, how long it will be, or what will be the end goal. There will be spoilers in this so if you don't want to be spoiled, do not continue with reading.
When first thinking of this story, I was so indecisive with the title and the name of the character. Normally, I have details and characteristics like that already planned out, but I wanted to jump on the JJK bandwagon as soon as possible. Get it? Jump? Because curses are getting jumped on by sorcerers? No...? Okay. Anywho, I was going to use "Rin" at first because it would tie into another name my OC would've gone by and it rhymed with Jin. But I liked Roma more because the name made me remember a character that goes by the same name as an unsuspecting character in another anime/manga. Readers will soon find out who that character is and the other name I would've had Roma gone by later in the story. I feel like it'd be too much of a spoiler for what I have planned.
By the by, this is a secret between me and you...*looks around*...
He's good-looking, but I'm not a Toji stand, lol.
