Maybe I will never be

All the things that I wanna be

Now is not the time to cry

Now's the time to find out why

I think you're the same as me

We see things they'll never see

You and I are gonna live forever

"Live Forever"

Oasis

December 8, 2012

Montreux, Switzerland

The room slowly manifested, shadows to substance, colored blurs to solid objects.

She was lying, not standing.

Ciel's face was inches away, her pale blue eyes shining with concern and her cheeks flushed. The doctor's face stayed calm but her tone as she spoke was intense.

"Easy," Ciel soothed, taking Sarah's hand. "Your name…your real name…is Sarah. Sarah."

The world was blurry and shaking. A cloud of confusion surrounded Sarah. But the word, the name, cut through it all like a bolt of lightning.

Sarah! Instantly her mind flooded with disconnected images and the echoes of the name, her name, in voices she knew but couldn't match with faces. Not intact memories, nor stories with a beginning and ending, but snippets, fragments. It made her feel more than it made her think.

Somehow, she knew that was the opposite of how she had always been. She thought and acted, never felt. So long…but to feel what she felt now…it was right. How she should have always been.

Sarah (Sarah!) reassessed her situation. In the bed. Because she had…fainted? Instinctually, she flexed her hand. A gun…but it was gone now.

Agunpointedatthemanwhoseface—

Sarah sat up suddenly, grasping Ciel by her arms and leaning past the doctor to see…

The world blinked off, then on again.

…the man, standing cautiously behind Ciel, almost shrinking down to hide himself behind the much smaller woman.

A hurricane blew its way through the center of her. Sarah held herself upright in her overwhelming shock.

"Chuck…" It was barely a whisper, almost inaudible, a loud thought more than a word. Sarah didn't know how she knew, only that she was sure. The man before her was Chuck. Her husband.

She looked at him…and saw her daughter's face. His jaw, his nose, the shape of his eyes, the color of his hair.

Sarah watched him, pale and trembling, as he gazed at her expectantly, full of anticipation.

The images flashed through her mind blindingly, a staggering collage of pictures Sarah was sure were memories streaming like a speeding slideshow. The entire panorama scrolling by was Chuck's face. Sarah remembered him happy, scared, sad, angry, loving…The pictures were accompanied by the memories of his voice, the tones like a haunting melody.

Without understanding how she knew, Sarah was sure however long her past with this man reached, she had never seen him look the way he looked now. The knowledge went through her like a hot poker.

Disheveled, destroyed…endless agony, bottomless sorrow…

"Chuck," she said again, louder, though her voice broke.

"Do you recognize him?" Ciel asked hurriedly, her eyes darting to Chuck and seeing him about to collapse.

Sarah kept her eyes on Chuck, her heart aching for him with each beat. "I…remembered his name." He looked at her, soft hazel eyes full of pain. "I remembered your name." She spoke to him, her voice weak and trembling again.

"She…looks just like you," Sarah sobbed, covering her mouth.

Out of context, the revelation was strange, but somehow he knew exactly what she meant. She watched as the meaning of her words penetrated the heart of him. Sarah didn't know what he knew, what was fact or just conjecture. But he knew what she meant– the child she had given birth to was his.

He smiled radiantly even as his eyes overflowed with tears. How could just a smile, such a beautiful smile, cure every pain inside her?

Her tears began to fall. She didn't think, she just moved, rising to her feet and gently brushing past Ciel. Like it was the most natural thing to do, Sarah wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tightly. He was slow to respond, standing numbly with his arms at his sides, eventually resting his hands tentatively around her waist. She heard him stifle a sob.

"It's alright," she whispered. She had to comfort him, hold him, touch him. His pain had seeped into her blood…and the only way to ease it was this. The warmth of his body against hers, the gentleness in his hands, the soughing of his breath…nothing had definition in her mind, but it was all familiar, comfortable and safe. Right. Relief from the desperation of restless torture she had endured the past weeks. His arms were a cathedral built around her, sheltering her.

"Sarah…" His trembling whisper against her hair sent a shiver down her spine. He reached, lifting her head, holding her face in his hands. "I thought you were dead. I thought you were dead."

His eyes…so beautifully dusty green and amber…the same as her daughter, even though hers were blue. She was lost in their depths, floating, sure she had seen pain like this before, knowing the only way to alleviate it was to love him.

Love. The word both frightened and soothed her at the same time. He was her husband; of course, she loved him, even if the layers inside her between knowing and feeling were missing. The feeling persisted, indestructible, indomitable.

The full vista of the fresco, slowly uncovering inch by inch, was known. Anything else she would see when the surface was revealed was no longer a mystery, only confirmation of what she already knew. It was a portrait of her life with him, her husband, who held her face in his hands with his eyes closed as if he was humbled in the face of divinity.

She knew that it was true–he loved her that much. And the mysterious stirrings inside her heart told her she felt the same.

She placed both hands on his cheeks, smoothing his tears with her fingers. Her heart plummeted as she struggled for the words. "I don't…I don't remember…so much…I…"

"I know, Sarah, I know." Sarah watched his jaw trembling as he grappled with the reality of the situation. "It's going to be alright."

She had no reason to believe him, but she did. His words, his confidence were instantly soothing.

He kept his hands on her cheeks, but he turned over his shoulder to address Ciel. "You said…she almost bled to death. The room…" He gulped. "Was that from…the birth?"

"It would make sense. There was evidence the birth was…traumatic," Ciel added in a whisper.

The room changed shape around Sarah again.

The same dark room, a wall of blinking colored lights…her wrists and ankles bound…

Pain, unbearable pain like her body was being torn in half…believing death was imminent…

A cool cloth on her forehead, a cool hand gripped tightly in her own…

Push, Sarah. Push…a British woman's voice…

Sarah sagged against Chuck and his arms tightened around her, supporting her so she didn't fall. Sarah heard him saying her name, worried, but her mind was dredging up the other part of what she had learned in the hospital.

Baby…Vienna…

David's words, rising to the surface, breaking the spell in the moment.

David!

Gasping, Sarah pulled herself away from Chuck. "Ciel! Oh…I came back here to warn you!" At Ciel's confused face, she added rapidly, "I was in Zurich. I found David, in the hospital there…he was hit by a car, intentionally. Ciel, he's badly hurt. But he told me you were in danger. And that the baby was in Vienna!"

Ciel shrieked, covering her mouth as she muttered under her breath in Spanish. A prayer, Sarah knew.

"Quinn." Sarah said the name, turning to address Chuck, feeling the same sickness in her stomach that she had once she had remembered.

Chuck was suddenly focused, his eyes almost glowing with rage. "In Zurich?"

"Yes," Sarah replied to Chuck before she turned back to Ciel. "Your friend Otto sent me to Bern. The man in Bern sent me to Zurich. To a…place I know I'd been before, but I couldn't remember when or why."

"Blaser." Chuck was focused, no longer scattered. "The violin shop. Your contact is part of the same network." Sarah nodded. "I went there when I arrived. I had his information from you. He…" Chuck winced, swallowed, unable to continue.

"I have to go, right now!" Ciel shouted, turning and darting out of the room.

Sarah ran after Ciel and Chuck followed. "David said you were in danger! Quinn tried to kill him. He's after you!"

She spun, her dark hair fanning around her tear-streaked face. "And he said your baby is in Vienna. You need to go." Ciel sobbed, quickly wiping the tears away with her hand. "I can't leave him alone in the hospital. You don't understand."

"Yes, I do," Chuck said gently. "You love him."

Ciel sobbed harder, her shoulders shaking as she cried. "I kept denying it. And…he doesn't even know. I…"

Sarah watched in awe as Chuck took complete control. He strode to Ciel, gripping her shoulders and pulling her forward to face him. "You saved my life. You saved Sarah's life. Your blood is in both of our veins. Let us help you, please."

"But your baby…"

"We need to talk to David," Sarah interjected. "We're all going to Zurich."

Chuck looked at Sarah and nodded. "We can…talk…on the way."

December 8, 2012

Zurich, Switzerland

Casey and Morgan walked into the violin shop, the bell ringing gently as the door shut behind him. The tall white-haired man behind the counter looked up from what he was reading to acknowledge them.

He started to speak in German, but Casey raised his hand. Casey didn't know any of the code words or contact information. All he had on his side was the truth. He was hoping for a lead, something. It was worth a shot.

"My name is John Casey. I work for the NSA. We came here because we need your help."

"I sell violins. Unless you need a violin, I don't think–"

"Sarah Walker told me who you were, without the proper codes. You know who she is, right?"

Blaser's eyes narrowed. "If what you say is true, why wouldn't she tell you the proper way to contact me?"

"Because she's dead."

Casey saw the pain flash across the old man's face. That brief commiseration of grief cost Casey a precious second. In a flash, Blaser was pointing a gun at them.

"How do I know you didn't kill her?"

Casey and Morgan both raised their hands in surrender.

"I can't offer you any proof of anything. All I can say is that she was my friend. She was a good person, despite the awful world that she lived in. She came to you for help when she was running from the CIA with an infant that she saved. She trusted you. That's why we're here. She deserves justice."

Blaser considered Casey's words for a long time. "And you…you are seeking….justice?" The gun stayed trained on them.

"We're looking for her husband. He's here in Zurich, trying to get justice for her, but he's risking too much. Sarah would want us to help him. He might have come to see you." Casey moved slowly, holding out his hands in defense, as he reached into his inner pocket to pull out the photo. Casey turned the picture for Blaser to see. "Have you seen him?"

Casey saw the recognition on Blaser's face. He hesitated, but he lowered the gun. "Three days ago. He was here three days ago."

Morgan grinned, relief on his face that the space between them was closing.

"Do you know where he is now?" Casey asked.

"I do not, I swear. He was injured and I got him help. Please understand, that's all I can tell you."

There was more, but Blaser couldn't compromise his sources to tell them any more. Casey did understand, even if it was frustrating. "Thank you for your help." Casey tilted his head to Morgan and they exited.

"I have a gut feeling that whatever Gertrude was talking about, that Samaritan network, he's a part of it. If he is, and he did what he said he did, we're running out of time. He'll send the information through the channels that we're here in Zurich looking for Chuck." Gertrude had been correct; Chuck's cause would most certainly appeal to them.

"Injured, Casey?" Morgan asked urgently. "What the hell happened?"

"Parsons was his last known contact."

"Parsons was found with a bullet shot through the back of his head," Morgan emphasized.

"Right," Casey said. "Not usually how a struggle ends."

Casey watched the knowledge dawn on Morgan, a hesitant smile replacing his dismay. "Chuck didn't kill him."

"Bingo."

"I knew that, Casey, and so did you," Morgan reminded him.

Casey grunted.

"Where to now?" Morgan asked as he quickened his pace to keep up with Casey, who was charging down the sidewalk.

"The hospital. We have to start somewhere. The kind of 'help' Blaser was talking about is back channel, real doctors who, for whatever reason, can't practice legitimate medicine. But their supplies have to come from somewhere."

It still felt like a scavenger hunt, but at least Casey knew where to start.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

The full two-hour ride from Montreux, Sarah and Chuck talked, and Ciel listened. Sarah told him everything she remembered, scattered pieces that Chuck helped to weave into a chronological structure. Then he filled in everything from their past, essentially telling Sarah their entire story. Amazingly, he even went back to Sarah's life before he had met her and told her her own story. It boggled her mind how much detail Sarah's husband knew about her life before him. Ciel had felt strange, listening to the intimate details of their relationship from inception to the current moment, but he had no hesitation to speak of it all in front of her. She took it as a gift, heart warmed by the touching story.

Even as he was speaking, Sarah recovered more memories. As troubled as Ciel had been by Sarah's amnesia, it was comforting to see that it could be overcome. While she may not be able to retrieve every memory she had lost, there was hope, so much more hope than she had when she had woken up, rambling in foreign tongues. It would just take time.

The connection between the two was undeniable and tangible though there were obvious barriers. Sarah's helplessness, her desperate restlessness was gone. The closer Sarah was to Chuck, the calmer she became. Nothing was assured, the world still upside down, but a simple sentence from him, his belief that everything would be alright, was enough for her.

Ciel was less familiar with Chuck, having spent less time taking care of him than she had Sarah. The doctor had watched the change in him in real time, a living witness to the metamorphosis. She barely knew him, yet had felt compelled to tell him about her past, something she shared with no one. She barely knew him and yet, she was certain that, despite overwhelming joy upon learning his wife lived, something dark still lurked beneath the surface of his skin. Darkness he was hiding from Sarah.

After his initial reaction, angry and threatening to her, Ciel wondered what had really happened during the altercation that ended with him shot. What had he done? What was he capable of doing?

Now those thoughts were forgotten as the trio made their way into the hospital. Because she had been there before, Sarah took the lead, directing them to the elevator. Once inside, Sarah explained.

"He's in the ICU. I told the nurse he has no family, that I was a close friend so she would let me in. We all can't just go straight into his room."

Ciel swallowed her sorrow, speaking softly. "He doesn't have family. His closest friend is the head of the network." She paused, debating, realizing she could trust them. "I know him as Halmstad."

Chuck was deep in thought. "The man who brought me to you. You called him 'Rome.' Halmstad is in Sweden." He was stating facts only, whatever connections he was making in his thoughts unshared.

"David is Dresden. The woman who saved your wife is Marseille."

"Is it the location? Or…"

"First name," Sarah interjected confidently. Chuck looked at her. "You sent me to Otto, but he's Oslo. Andros was Amsterdam. David, Dresden. D."

Sarah was correct; Ciel told her so. That information seemed to affect Chuck, pulling his attention inward.

The elevator door opened and they stepped out. Ciel breathed a sigh of relief that the nurses' station was empty. Whispering, she turned to Sarah. "You know his room?" Sarah nodded. "You and Chuck go down that corridor, unseen, and hide. I'll let you in with me."

Chuck was distracted, but Sarah pulled him by his arm, confident in her movements, no doubt that she could do what Ciel asked, and no doubt Ciel would succeed. She really was a spy.

Ciel walked to the nurses' station and waited. Each moment she waited, she knew Chuck and Sarah had longer to find a place to hide. After about five minutes, a nurse approached, asking in German if she could help. Ciel used her French, just as Sarah had.

"Excusez-moi, mais je cherche David Travailleur?"

"Es-tu un membre de la famille?"

Ciel remembered what Sarah had explained before. She decided to continue to embellish.

"Il n'en a pas. Mais je m'occupe de son chat. La femme qui etait ici plus tot m'a parle de l'accident."

Ciel showed the nurse a picture of Blanche from her phone. Mixing the truth into the lie.

"Chambre 117."

Ciel both rejoiced at her success and worried at the lack of security. The nurse believed everything she was told.

Ciel walked into the corridor, seeing Sarah crack the door of the janitor's closet. She checked to make sure no one was looking, and then held the door as they entered David's room.

Ciel had braced herself for how he would appear, but still, the shock of his condition overwhelmed her. She knew she had to be strong for him, but she was struggling. She felt a hand, firm, on her elbow. Chuck propelled her forward, supporting her weight.

As she approached David, she saw the mass of purple and blue hematomas that covered his arms. Anticoagulants, Ciel thought, her medical training kicking in. If his pelvis was crushed, fragments of bone marrow could enter his bloodstream. They were giving him oxygen as a precaution.

She touched his forehead, alarmed at how warm he felt. His eyes fluttered drowsily until he became aware of her presence. He tried to sit up, shifting.

She moved quickly, pushing on his shoulder to hold him still. "No, please. You can't move. It's dangerous."

He listened, his muscles going slack. His eyes filled with tears.

"Save your strength. Sarah told me you were here, what happened."

His breath fogged the mask as he tried to speak. She lifted the mask gently.

"Quinn…knows…everything. You're…not safe."

"I won't let him hurt her, David. I promise," Chuck swore.

"Carmichael," David rasped, then closed his eyes.

Ciel felt like the bottom fell out of her stomach. She spun, wide-eyed, to look at Chuck.

"He said Carmichael. You're Charles Carmichael?"

"I was…I mean, I am. I didn't realize I was…um…" His voice trailed off, his cheeks flaming red.

Embarrassed? An A-list spy, who had defeated The Ring and Alexei Volkoff…and he was standing here, blushing?

Everything he had said to her, and then to Sarah as they drove, turned her view three-dimensional. She stood in awe of him, more so knowing how…she thought him soft, but knew it was wrong. Un-hard. Or un-hardened.

The darkness he hid…those parts that had started to turn to stone when he believed his wife was dead.

"Key. Only one piece…left," David gasped, the words muffled under the mask.

He's exhausted, Ciel fretted, knowing they needed so much more information, but they were wearing him out.

"Where is Halmstad?" Ciel asked.

He shook his head, his eyes pinched closed. "Quinn…after key. After…baby. Halm…Halmstad…Marseille…"

"Ssh, it's alright," Ciel soothed, her hand on his cheek. "You have to rest. You can't get better unless you rest." She blinked the tears from her eyes and leaned forward, pressing her lips against his cheek. "I can't get better unless you're alright," she whispered.

She felt his tears, streaming salty under her lips.

"Je t'aime," he whispered, then closed his eyes.

Chuck cleared his throat, respectfully interrupting. "Is this Marseille?" he asked, showing David his phone.

He nodded once.

Ciel lifted her face.

"She's my mother."