Chapter 9. The Miserable Monster
After Alucard left Intergas room and spoke to Pip, he went straight to his room. The helpless feeling he had stuck with him. He spent hours pacing back and forth thinking about many things. Alucard clenched his fists, the memory of the danger Interga snd Seras had been in was becoming too much for him. Alucard knew they could take care of themselves, but the near death experience tonight served as a harsh reminder of the vampires absence. Something Alucard thought he had forgotten long ago was rising to the surface.
"Vhat iz the matter Alucard?"
Alucards' expression darkened as he heard Shodingers voice in his mind.
"Damn it Shodinger, this isn't the time for your nonsense."
The vampire was slowly losing control of himself.
"Oh my! Vhat are all theze tazty things floating around your mind?"
Alucards eyes narrow in irritation.
"Stay out of it!" He growls in a low menacing tone, but that didn't stop the cat boy.
The vampire struggled to hold back the urge to lash out in fustration from Shordinger interference. He could feel the cat boys presence prodding at the edges of his consciousness, trying to gain access to his thoughts.
"You definitely have zomething eating away at you. But vhat iz it?"
Alucard slumped down into his chair his expression dark and sullen. He knew Shordinger was right. There was something gnawing at him. A weight he couldn't shake.
"It's none of your damn business. Of all the souls I killed, it had to be you who somehow stayed. I absorbed you. You should have been completely destroyed. " The sound of pure hatred pours out of every word. Shordinger seemed unphased by Alucard.
"Mmmm letz zee."
An image of Mina Harker flashed through his mind like a sharp stabbing pain. The memories of their time together. Her smile, her laugh...her touch.
"I vonder how long it's been zince you've been that close to zomeone."
"Stop it!" Alucard growls out.
He could almost feel the emotions from those times all over again. Then another image flashed of a little girl, younger then Seras.
"Ahhh who'z thiz zweet little thing?"
Alucard frowned, his eyes grew sombre. The memories felt like a knife being twisted in his heart. Their departure ended in such a tragic loss. He didn't want to remember, the pain was too much.
"Why are you doing this?"
"To zee what is bothering you. Or will you zwallow your pride and tell me?"
Alucard rolls his eyes and keep silent.
"OK if you won't talk to me. What about them?"
Figures of Seras and Integra came into view infront of him. Alucards eyes widened at the sight of the 2 ladies clear as day.
"How are you doing this?"
"I am juzt projecting vhat you care about, zo go on, tell them."
Alucard knew they weren't really there but it didn't make it easy seeing their faces.
"They aren't real." He muttered, half to himself and half to Shordinger.
"Vine. How about you talk to zomeone more perzonal."
Alucard growls as the forms of Seras and Integra form into the figure of himself. The f6.5 illusion towered over Alucard.
"Look at you, pathetic. You and I are both monsters. We'd never let feelings get in the way of anything. " The fake Alucard mocks himself with a chuckle.
"It's nothing." The real Alucard muttered stubbornly, his voice betraying the truth.
"It clearly is otherwise you wouldn't be like this. Is it your 2 ladies? That old hag of a master who will probably die in 10 years and your fledgling who you can't decide to laugh at or grow fond of."
Alucards eyes flashed in anger at his own words. His expression turned harsh.
"Do not insult them! They are strong, resillent women. Integra is a smart and fair leader who I am proud to call my master. She's seen true darkness and yet manages to rise above it. Seras has made me proud of how far she's come along. I train her to show her that one day, she'll be capable of great things. Things you wouldn't understand because you're not me!"
"Oh really? Maybe I should go upstairs and talk to them. You can stay here and sulk like a child."
The true vampires eyes flare in anger and protectiveness at his own words.
"You touch them, and I will tear you apart. You will not harm or take them from me."
The fake Alucard laughs lightly.
"Oh? And why is that?"
The real Alucard frowned. It infuriated him that his other self was trying to expose the layers within him. What he was truly feeling.
"Stop it..." Alucard growls out.
"Care to tell me how you really feel about them?"
"STOP IT! They are both MINE!" Alucard roars out to himself, his copied image fades away and shordingers voice returns in Alucards mind.
"Yez Alucard. They are yourz. But there iz ztill layerz vithin you that are hidden. But no matter. I'm zure all vill be revealed in time."
Alucards vision soon becomes distorted and darkness takes over him.
2 weeks later. Despite the recommendation for Integras rib fractured recovery to be 6 weeks, she was stubborn enough to get back to work a lot sooner.
Integra spent her first day back on the job going through unopened letters. The Hellsing heir had her tea and cigar to help calm her through the busy day, occasionally she'd have a glass of whiskey. However, since Alucards return, Integra has managed to drink a lot less of the stuff. Despite Alucard being a tease and nuisance, she did find comfort from their previous discussion. Interga soon hears a knock at the door that makes her sigh and takes the cigar out of her mouth.
"Come in."
Seras phased her head through the door.
"Hey Integra, how are you?"
"I'm doing fine Seras. I don't need you checking up on me when it's only the first day..."
Integra glanced at the window, noticing the suns gone down. She had been working so hard she lost track of time.
"...evening. That I've been back on the job."
"Well Sir there was something I wanted to discuss."
Integra takes a breath not wanting to snap at Seras, but she was getting tired.
"Seras, could it wait till tomorrow. I still have a decent amount of letters to finish before I go to bed."
"I understand that Sir, it's just...well." Seras eyes lowered as she hesitates.
Integra raised an eyebrow at the vampires change of mood and put down her papers, giving Seras her full attention.
"What's wrong," Integra asked with a soft, concerned voice.
Seras takes a breath before.
"It's...about the recent crime drop that's been happening."
Integras stares at seras blankly for a second.
"Seriously?"
"It's true. There's been a lot less vampire attacks, and general crime on the street is at a 30% low rate."
"But that's good news. From the look on your face, it seemed as if you were going to give me bad news. Besides, despite the crime rate drop, we still need to find out who tried to attack us and the King."
Seras looks away and hesitates again. Integras fustration was beginning to rise, she pitched the bridge of her nose to stop a headache forming.
"Seras I'm not in the mood for this. what is it!" Her voice becoming more impatient.
"It's...master."
Integra's body language immediately calmed down and she leans back in her chair.
"What about him?"
"I feel he's been avoiding me these past couple of weeks. Has he acted odd around you?"
Interga paused. She didn't see Alucard during her recovery time.
"No, has he been on any missions?"
"No, I've literally had to pick up his slack. He won't answer the phone we gave him. when I came to the basement...I've heard him talking but as though someone else is in the room with him."
Integra thinks for a moment, she remembers Seras mentioning Schrodinger and what the voice in the blood ritual said about Alucard not being "whole", not in full existence. With everything happening recently, it slipped her mind. It was rather unusual for him to be anti-social, especially when it came to an opportunity for a mission.
"I see your point. This is out of character for him. Did you manage to find out if schrodinger is really within Alucard?"
"Not really Sir. It was more of a hunch then anything else."
"Mmmm? What makes you say that then?"
"Haven't you noticed his eyes look different when he returned?"
Interga paused in thought again before speaking.
"Yes, that's correct. They are different. But Alucard hasn't always been a sane individual. He has done some questionable things in the past."
Integra leans onto her desk, her head resting on her crossed hands. Looking at Seras intensely.
"Sir come on! Are you bringing that up again?"
"He's said it himself, he's unsure why he turned you, "whimsy" i think he put it. And then he proceeds to use you as the excuse about it being your decision, even though he gave you the choice to begin with, correct?"
Integra sees Seras gently places her fingers on Alucard teeth marks embedded in the little Draculinas neck.
"Yes... I am unsure why he let me make the choice. But that's all in the past, right?"
"All i am saying is this isn't the first time he's done something odd. It's one of the reasons my father locked Alucard away. He wasn't fully confident in Alucards' actions."
Intergas eyes soften as she continues to look at Seras
"Seras... you're not the first fledgling he's turned while under Hellsing. There was one before you."
Seras eyes widened, and a little gasp escaped her lips.
"Sir... you've known all this time and never told me? After everything we've been through together?"
"I didn't think I'd ever need to. I wasn't sure Alucard would return to us." A small knott formed in Integras stomach thinking back to the early days of coping with loosing Alucard.
"I need to know, please, who is she?"
Integra sighed as she mentally kicked herself for spilling the information to Seras this late.
"I'll let Alucard fill you in with most of the details...if he chooses to. But know this, she isn't alive. I only know certain details through my fathers notes and Abrahams diaries."
Before Seras could get a word in, Interga immediately shuts her down, raising her hand up.
"I'm sorry Seras, it's not my place to say. Go check on Alucard. If he gives you any hassle, tell him I sent you."
Seras nodded and exited the room.
A letter with the royal insignia catches Integras eye. She sighs in fustration, knowing she told Seras to inform her immediately if they get any letters from the king. Thankfully, from the date it was sent, it's recent.
Integra starts to open the strange weighted letter. Her eyes widened when she looked inside.
"What the..."
-‐-
Seras was on her way to the basement, using her shadowed wing to glide down with ease. She still couldn't believe the news she received about the other vampire fledgling in the hellsing organisation. Seras took note of Integras' words not to push for information. The little Draculina was still a little concerned for her master. She wasn't sure how his mood would be after 2 weeks of no contact. It was a strange amount of time for him to lock himself away. However, she brought a blood packet to help him be more at ease.
"STOP IT! ... They are both MINE!" Alucards roaring voice echoed through the long stairwell.
Seras froze hearing her masters voice like that, it sent a chill down her spine. His voice filled with anger and sorrow.
"Oh boy... so much for hoping he was in a good mood."
A few minutes had passed before she managed to eventually arrive at his door. Seras pressed her ear against the door to check if there was anyone in the room with him. For a few minutes, things were quiet, it only peaked Seras curiosity to find out who he's been talking to. Seras takes a breath before opening the door.
"Master I wanted to check up on you and bring some..."
She silently gasped. Alucards body is slumped against his chair, his raven hair covering most of his face. His eyes were shut with a single tear running down his face.
Seras carefully approached him. She is sure the voice she heard was his. She briefly looked around the room, there was no other presence except for a camera in the far corner of the room. This was odd as she didn't remember one being installed in the dungeon.
"Master?" She softly called for him.
He didn't respond, Seras put the blood packet on the table and reached out to try wake him. Before she could do this, his eyes snapped open, his hand quickly grabs her wrist, squeezing it tightly. Seras yelped in alarm and pain.
"Master...stop it...it's me."
Alucards eyes narrowed slightly at her. He looked her up and down for a moment, as if he was making sure it was really her. The young Draculina was very confused about her masters actions. She wanted to make sure he had calmed down before she spoke. She saw his eyes soften slightly after some time.
"You know it's me, right?" She asks.
His grip on her wrist loosened slightly at her words. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he gathered himself. Knowing seras was safe was a relief for him, he knew she could take care of herself. So...why did he feel relieved to know of her safety?
"Yes, I know it's you." His voice is very gravelly, and his throat feels dry. He lets go of her.
Seras looked at her master, confused and concerned.
"Are you ok?"
Alucard had such a troubled look about him. The memories of what his other self said were still fresh in his mind. He had to struggle to keep himself composed.
"I'm fine, just a strange dream, that's all."
"Integra and I are worried about you, you've been very distant lately."
Alucard was caught off guard by seras admission. He wasn't sure how to respond surely it wasn't that long ago he spoke with Integra. He dismisses her worry with a nuteral toned response.
"You both don't need to worry about me. I am fine. Besides, it wasn't long ago I spoke with integra."
Seras raises an eyebrow at his reply.
"Master, I just came from integras office. She's not seen you these past 2 weeks."
Alucards eyes widened, not able to hide his shock.
'2 weeks? Impossible, I had only been asleep for a few hours at most he thought to himself.
His eyes flicker with guilt and irritation at her words. He clears his throat.
"I...I just needed some time to myself. I suppose I lost track of time as I wouldn't have purposely avoided my duties." He lied, trying to sound convincing.
"You don't need to keep us in the dark Master. With your return, things have felt stable again."
Alucard looks away from her.
"I dont need anyone's help." He said, his voice ringing through her hears.
Seras sighs and placed a blood packet on his table.
"Here, I thought you'd be hungry. I suppose I better let integra know you're OK."
Alucard catches some disappointment in Seras' eyes before she turns away from him. He knew he was pushing her away. He didn't want the walls he built to crumble. However, Alucard didn't want Seras to leave him to his own thoughts. His fists clenched as he watched Seras walk away from him. He leans forward from his chair.
"Seras, wait!"
At the mention of her name, she stopped and turned around to face him. She could see there was definitely something wrong. Something's off. Seras walks back towards him. Alucard let's out a breath he didn't know he has holding. He began to tell seras about Shordinger and Seras reassured him that she and Integra already know about him. Alucard looked surprised at his fledgings' perspectiveness.
"Yes, Shrodingers back, trapped in my mind. I don't know how to get rid of him." He swept his hair back and sighed, how long was this cat going to fustrate him? After centuries of trying to remain cold and calculated, his eyes gave it all away. Was he like this for 2 whole weeks?
"Master... did Shordinger do something to you?"
Alucards eyes look away from seras
"I was simply reminded of what I am and what I've lost."
Seras frowned at his words.
"Is that why you're so sad."
Everything was silent for a moment.
"Why should it matter how i feel?"
Seras knew her master was capable of evil, she's seen him slaughter men who were just following orders without mercy or a hint of regret. But she also saw the other side of him.
"Why did you give me the choice to be saved? If you truly think you're a monster, you'd have turned and walked away. Instead, you held my hand as I was dying."
Alucard raised an eyebrow at her words and saw her walking towards him. His breath hitched as he felt seras wipe a tear from his eye. Her touch was so gentle.
"Monsters don't cry." Seras tries to smile sweetly at him as she shows the tear drop. Alucard tries desperately to keep himself together, but his body so exhausted it was hard not to let his guard down. He still can't believe 2 weeks had passed.
"You're right." he admitted surprising himself.
"You're right, a monster wouldn't have given you a choice, a monster... wouldn't have cared." His mind replaying the thought of how he saw her, reaching to him. Begging for survival. He snapped out of his thought as he felt her softly put her hand on top his. She looked at him with a deep sense of gratitude.
"I...I didn't think you'd actually say that, but I appreciate it. Thank you master. I can't imagine what shordinger put you through."
He gazed into her eyes as she spoke. A small, genuine smile forms on his lips.
"I should go and tell Integra -"
Integra rushed in the room immediately.
"IM RICH AGAIN!" She shouts in happiness.
The two vampires stare at her blankly.
To be continued.
Authors note - i'd love to find out what you all think of the story so far, don't be afraid to leave a review. It helps inspire me to keep writing and drawing knowing people read this. Also don't forget to check my hellsing fanart in instagram- Miss_seras_victoria and Facebook - Ice Diamond
