Chapter 22. Looking at You

It had been almost three months since Bucky left Natalie. Every attempt to find him had resulted in a dead end. A couple of times they thought they had a sighting but by the time one of them would get there he would be long gone and the trail would go cold. Natalie did get pregnant from that final time they were together and had suffered from morning sickness that had been extreme. She stayed in the warehouse apartment, ordering her own food through Majel and only going out to see the doctor or up to the roof top patio to sit in the fresh air and think about how she had destroyed the best relationship she had ever had.

As soon as she had voiced her reasons to Bucky for leaving him she knew how ridiculous they were and that it was her PTSD that was doing the talking. But by then she had hurt him so deeply that his only reaction could be the one he expressed. So she sat in the apartment going through all of his movies and watching them, except for Casablanca, or she sat on the rooftop and talked to him. Always, she would start out by apologizing to him.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong," she would say to the air. "I know you can't hear me but I hope this reaches you somehow. I miss you, and I want you back. Please come home."

Then she would look at her cell phone and try to will a text message from him but nothing was ever sent nor answered when she texted him. She would curl up on the patio furniture and cry, until Majel would mention she was alone on the roof crying and one of the others would come up and sit with her. Nick phoned Bucky's mother to ask if she or her husband had heard from him but they hadn't. He asked if that was the truth or if that's what Bucky told them to say but they wouldn't answer that question. The only positive thing that anyone could take from it was that no divorce papers had been served. It was the one thing that Natalie held onto and the only thing that led her to hope their marriage could be salvaged.

At twelve weeks of pregnancy Natalie had her first ultrasound to see the baby. Laying on the exam table in the ultrasound room in the dark she looked at the image on the screen and watched the technician point out the head, the face and the heart, then another separate baby growing in its own amniotic sac. It was too early to determine the sex but every indication were the babies were healthy and growing as they should. She hadn't told anyone about there being two but soon she would have to. As she came out of the doctor's office to the car where Barton was waiting for her she caught sight of a face across the street just as a bus passed between them. When the bus was gone so was the face but she was sure it was Bucky and she mentioned it to Barton. He looked but of course saw nothing. When they returned to the warehouse and Natalie returned to her apartment he went to the common room.

"Majel, access street cams and security cams outside the office building of Natalie's obstetrician," he said. "Look for Bucky Barnes."

She came up with a hit right away and he asked Majel to track him from that. As he watched Majel brought up image after image of Bucky walking on the sidewalk. He went into an apartment building and Barton noted the address. Then he asked Majel for a list of male tenants. On the third floor was a tenant named Rick Blaine.

"Son of a bitch," said Barton out loud. "He wanted me to find him. Majel, keep the results of this search private for now. I'm going out for a bit."

Half an hour later, after he had parked the car, Barton went to the apartment building and pressed the button of the apartment for Rick Blaine. Bucky's voice came over the intercom.

"We need to talk ... Rick," said Barton.

The buzzer sounded and he went up the elevator to the third floor, then to the door of the apartment which was already open waiting for him to enter. He walked inside the sparsely furnished apartment and found Bucky standing in front of the window that overlooked the street. He could feel the anger rising in him but before he made his move Bucky raised his hand.

"I know you want to hit me," he said. "You have every right to be angry with me. I've punished myself a lot since I left her. I realize it was her PTSD that was talking but it was my PTSD that answered. We were both wrong and I want to make it right. Does she?"

"Fuck you," said Barton, then he stepped right up to Bucky. "Do you know how many times one of us has had to sit with her while she cried herself to sleep? She's had terrible morning sickness that has sent her to the hospital a couple of times because she became so dehydrated. Today was her ultrasound where she saw the baby for the first time and you ... weren't ... there."

He jabbed Bucky in the chest with his finger for each of the final three words of his sentence. Bucky took it impassively.

"Will she take me back?" he asked plaintively.

Barton sighed. "Of course she will," he replied. "She knew as soon as she said those words to you that she had made a terrible mistake. She sits on the rooftop patio every day and asks the sky for you to come back. What she doesn't realize is that most of us don't want you back. You didn't just blow it with her, you blew it with us, the team."

"So, I can't come back," said Bucky. "You won't let me."

"I didn't say that," said Barton. "It's just going to take some major grovelling on your part for everyone to accept you back."

Bucky ran his hand through his hair and looked out the window at the traffic. Even though the windows were triple glazed it was still quite loud and the sounds of horns, squeaky brakes and loud car audio systems were noticeable. For a guy who liked peace and quiet this was a loud place to live.

"Do you own this place?" asked Barton.

Bucky shook his head. "I sublet it for four months," he said. "It's noisy but it was away from everything and it gave me ... perspective."

"Which was?"

"I'm miserable without her," said Bucky turning to him.

Barton could see it was true. Bucky looked terrible. His face was drawn, there were bags under his eyes and his body looked gaunt, as if he wasn't eating right. Barton felt his righteous anger subside and be replaced by something else, sympathy for the hell that his friend had obviously gone through, even if it was mostly self imposed.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

"I have a plan to woo her," said Bucky. "I need a rooftop. It can't be the warehouse because I want it to be a surprise. I know that Coulson owns his office building so I was hoping we could use his. I need Peter to set up one of those big outdoor movie screens and a projection unit for it to play Casablanca. With one of those pieces of outdoor furniture that's like a round chaise lounge for two to curl up in. Then I'll find someone to set up a café table for two with dinner and a dance floor and romantic lighting."

"Casablanca?" asked Barton. "You want to watch Casablanca on the rooftop but have a romantic dinner and dancing as well."

Bucky nodded his head. "There's a dress that I want her to wear," he said. "I've already bought it. It resembles the dress Ingrid Bergman wears on the cover of the DVD. I'll wear a white tuxedo jacket, white shirt, bow tie and black pants."

"Are you sure you're not overthinking this?" asked Barton.

Bucky smiled. "I'm sure," he said. "You know we never had a proper date. We went for walks, or sat in front of the fire but we never went to a movie or dinner or dancing. I promised her several times we would do something special. This is it, this is my shot. Will you help me?"

It was Barton's turn to run his hand through his hair. He breathed heavily a couple of times then he stuck his hand out. "I'll help you," he said. "She's miserable without you and a baby needs its father. But you better promise me right now that this is the last bit of bullshit you pull on her. I like her and I care about her. I care about you too, it's why I spent so much time recruiting you."

"I've been doing a lot of video meetings with Dr. Singh in B.C. She's the PTSD specialist that helped us before," replied Bucky as he shook Barton's hand. "She pretty much said the same thing."

With Barton agreeing to help him the two men began putting Bucky's plan into motion. First, Bucky went to see Phil Coulson. He tried to time it for when Maria Hill wasn't there but she was such a workaholic that he ended up going to their office unannounced and seeing them both. Maria punched him in the stomach which he took without complaint. When he told them what he wanted to do they both thought it was a grand gesture and he swore them to secrecy. Phil took him up on the roof and admitted he had already started installing a roof top patio up there for his tenants to use. He agreed to make it happen sooner rather than later, with Bucky footing the bill.

The next people Bucky met with were Torres, Peter and Stark. Torres almost turned around and walked back out when they entered Bucky's apartment door but Barton blocked the way and told him to give the man a chance. After taking his lumps from all three men then explaining his plan he won them over and they promised to keep it secret. Peter said he would research the right equipment and order it if Bucky would pay for it.

The next two people that Barton brought to the apartment were Nick Fury and Thor. Bucky was a bit worried about both men but surprisingly Nick admitted he had known where Bucky was for some time but wanted to give him the opportunity to make it right without pressure from him. Thor was a little harder to convince. Like Torres and Barton he had become rather fond of Natalie, even to the point of offering to be her birth coach if Bucky never came back. Like Barton, once he took a very good look at Bucky he saw the physical toll the previous few months had taken on him. He too, made Bucky promise not to pull any more bull shit like this again.

There were eight more people that Bucky felt he had to make amends to and he chose the hardest ones first. Natalie's parents. He came to their house, driving his new SUV that he had purchased, and they refused him entry so he sat on their porch all evening and well into the night. The next morning he was there before dawn sitting in his vehicle while it rained when the paper boy dropped off the paper. When Ted Thompkins stepped outside to pick it up Bucky stepped out of his SUV and said one word. "Please."

With a sigh Natalie's father stepped aside for him to enter the house, poured him a coffee and waited for his wife to get up. After she slapped him across the face he looked at them both.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I know my PTSD doesn't really give me an excuse but that's what was speaking out of my mouth when I told her it was over. I regretted it immediately and have spent the last three months trying to work out how to get her back. She's my wife, I love her and I want to be a father to our child. You don't have to like me but I do want your support to fix what I helped break."

"She told us how she triggered you," said Ted, "so she's not blameless in this. How can we believe that you won't do this again?"

"All I have is my word, as damaged as it is," said Bucky. "I've been miserable since I left and I never want to feel like this again. I've had therapy since that night and I'm sure I'm on the right path. I want her with me and I will spend my life making it up to her."

Ted and Rita went to their bedroom, closing the door behind them. Occasionally Bucky could hear their raised voices as they argued a point then they both came out together.

"When we were married about 8 months Ted and I had a big fight," said Rita. "I left him. While he was at work I packed my bags and went to my parent's house. My mom took one look at me and told me to get the hell back home to my husband and work it out. We did and we never fought about that subject again. This is your one time get the hell back home moment. You make it work for Natalie's sake and our grandchild's sake. If it's a girl you better name her Amber."

Bucky smiled. "That's a given," he said, hugging Rita.

After swearing them to secrecy he left and made the long drive to his parent's house. He had been in touch with them by phone so it wasn't as emotional with them as it had been with everyone else. His dad told him to man up which made him bristle a little but he said nothing inflammatory in response and left the next morning feeling pretty good about his parent's support. His next stop was his ex-wife Natasha and her husband Bruce. She scared him more than Bruce did, with good reason. She reacted the same way Maria did, punching him in the stomach. He took it, getting a sympathetic pat on the back from Bruce after. Over dinner he apologized to them both and promised to make this marriage work. As he watched them interact with their four kids Natasha mentioned that this was a preview of what he could have and he agreed it was something he aspired to. After spending the night on their living room couch he left with a hug and a kiss from Natasha, hugs from all the kids and a handshake from Bruce.

His final drive was back to New York to see Steve and Peggy. He hadn't spoken to either of them since he walked out on Natalie and he was unsure how they would take it when he showed up at their house. A discreet phone call asking for Captain Rogers at the precinct had informed him that Steve was off that day. As he pulled up in the driveway he saw that Steve was mowing the lawn. Although he nodded at Bucky the mowing continued so Bucky sat on the front steps waiting for him. When he did finish and turned off the mower Steve looked at him in exasperation.

"What's your plan, Bucky?" he asked. "It better be a good one. Go on in the house. We heard you were making the rounds and Peggy wants to give you a piece of her mind before you stay for supper."

He went in the front door and was tackled by both Jimmy and Sarah. He picked them both up and went into the kitchen where Peggy was making supper. She had her hands full but she still stuck her cheek out and he kissed her on it before sitting at the table with a child on each knee. Neither said anything although Bucky talked to the kids until they both became bored with him and ran to play in their rooms. After making sure they were out of hearing range Peggy turned to him.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she asked, her British accent sounding much stronger in her anger. "Walking out on her after she had been abducted, almost raped, and terrorized by that man?"

"Did she tell you everything?" responded Bucky.

Peggy's response was more muted. "Yes, she told us she seduced you to make a baby with the plan of leaving you after," she replied. "You were both idiots and I told her so as well. What are you going to do to make it right?"

"I'd like to hear that as well but I have to shower," said Steve, who had just entered the kitchen. "So hold your answer until I get back here."

Peggy asked Bucky to set the dining room table while they waited. He complied and came back to the kitchen. A couple of minutes later Steve appeared and sat with Bucky at the kitchen table. As he laid out his plan both of them listened then offered comments.

"What if she says no?" asked Steve. "I don't think it's likely but you should plan for it."

Bucky took a deep breath. "I've already worried about it," he admitted. "If she says no and there's no hope then I'll let her go. I'll make sure she and the baby are set up for life and I'll ask to co-parent. Really, I don't have much choice, do I?"

They both agreed and that was the last they spoke about the plan. Supper with Jimmy and Sarah was as much fun as it always was. When the kids were put to bed the good scotch and three glasses were brought out. Steve told Bucky about the new Police Commissioner who had actually started out his police career on foot patrol in Harlem, rising through the ranks before getting his law degree at the age of 50. Then Peggy said goodnight and the two men picked out a movie, The Marrying Kind with Judy Holliday and Aldo Ray. Unlike previous times Bucky sipped his scotch, savouring the taste and when the movie ended he had only had two partially full glasses. He was up at the same time as Steve was and left at the same time as him, arriving at his 3rd floor apartment shortly after 9 am. After checking with Phil Coulson on the status of the roof top patio Bucky contacted Peter and told him to set the movie up for Saturday night, three nights away. A phone call to the caterer confirmed that Coulson had kept in touch with them for when they could set up the meal. He went to pick up his suit then stopped at Tiffany's and bought a necklace for Natalie. He had already given her dress to Barton who promised to give it to her on Saturday before he drove her over to Coulson's office.

On Saturday afternoon Bucky went for a trim and a hot shave. He changed into his suit, picked up some flowers, and drove over to Coulson's office, parking in the underground space after Coulson gave him the code for the garage. He met Coulson in his office and together they went up to the rooftop where Peter was still setting up. It was exactly as Bucky had envisioned it. The flowers were arranged then Coulson said he had a surprise. He took Bucky back down the stairs and into an apartment on the top floor.

"I got planning permission to install an apartment for my personal use," he said, "given that I sometimes work 18 hour days. I want you and Natalie to stay here tonight. The decorators just finished last week. You're testing out the layout, atmosphere and the furniture. It's all new but it's all retro in nature, 1950s modern. Let me know what works and what doesn't ... with the apartment that is. I want your honest opinion. It's my gift to you both."

"Phil, you're the best," said Bucky, shaking his hand. "I can't thank you enough. How are you getting her here?"

"We told Natalie that tonight is the party celebrating the completion of the roof top patio," he replied. "Barton is going to tell her that everyone is coming dressed in 1940s or 1950s clothes and that I sent the dress over for her. He's going to be in a suit when he drives her. We're actually going to be in the bar on the ground floor but we'll hide when he gets here."

He checked the time and said he had to let in the caterers. Bucky returned to the roof and went over to where Peter was.

"It's all done," he said. "Music one for dinner is this button that says music1, Music two for dancing is this button that says music2 and Movie is this button that says movie. I can't make it any easier than that. Just make sure you don't leave the remote out all night. Take it with you. The power switch is just inside the door at the top of the stairs. It will turn all the power off and on up here. Good luck. I'm going to run down to Phil's office and change for the party."

Peter shook Bucky's hand, packed up his work box and went down the stairs at the same time Phil brought up the caterers. They had everything ready to go in two coolers, one for hot food and one for cold, including the drinks which had a non-alcoholic one for Natalie. All he had to do was take it out when he was ready to serve. They would pick up the coolers the next day. When they left the sun was just about to go down. Bucky walked around looking at the views from Coulson's building. It was pretty nice, with Manhattan in full display across the East River. The nearest buildings on this side of the river were several blocks away so they would have privacy. Half an hour after sunset he got a text on his phone that Natalie was on her way up in the elevator.

He turned on the lights and the music then stood where he could see her but she couldn't see him. When she stepped through the doorway and saw she was alone she was confused.

"Hello?" she called out. "Where is everyone?"

She stepped forward towards where the table was set up and didn't see anyone. Then she turned around and saw Bucky. He looked at her with what he hoped was humbleness.

"I had that line from Casablanca about all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world but then I saw you in that dress and all I can say is you look beautiful," he said softly. "There's no party, except for me and you and our date. I hope you'll stay."

She said nothing at first, just looked at him and he saw the play of emotions on her face. There was nothing he wanted more than to hold her in his arms but he knew the next move had to come from her.

"I've thought a lot about what I would say to you if you appeared in front of me," she finally said, "but all I can think of is what the hell took you so long?"

She ran to him and they threw their arms around each other, kissing each other passionately. He lifted her off of her feet, holding her tightly before lowering her to the ground then pulled away and looked carefully at her.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I've been miserable without you and regretting every harsh word I said to you. I had no right."

"No!" she replied, interrupting him. "I triggered you, almost deliberately. I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth but I couldn't stop. It was like I was watching this bitch trying to chase you away. Bucky I'm so sorry. Of course, I want to be married to you, live with you and have you be the father to our children. Our children, Bucky. Here. It's actually twins, there are two babies."

She grabbed his hand and he felt the significant mound of her abdomen under her dress. Twins, she was having twins and he had left her. He hyperventilated a bit at first then as she comforted him he smiled a sweet smile and kissed her again, tenderly this time and he held her close stroking her hair. Then he took a deep breath and escorted her to the table. Going over to the cold cooler he took out her non-alcoholic drink and poured it into her champagne flute then took the wine and poured out a glass for him. Reaching back in he pulled out two Caesar salads, unwrapping them and placing them on the table. After spreading her napkin on her lap and sitting down he picked up his wine glass.

"Here's to rectifying mistakes and learning from them so that we never do anything that stupid again," he said with a smile. "Here's also to the best thing that ever happened to me, meeting Natalie."

"Meeting Bucky," she added, before they clinked their glasses together and sipped their drinks.

They took turns serving the other, talking about what both had been doing while they were apart. When it came to dessert there was chocolate cake and cheese cake with a cherry topping. They both looked so good that Bucky suggested they share with each other and he began by taking a forkful of the chocolate cake and offering it to Natalie. Giggling slightly she took it and did the same for him. Then they each tried the cheese cake, feeding each other. Over coffee Bucky became serious again.

"I haven't slept very well without your arm on my chest and your head on my shoulder," he admitted. "It's been lonely."

"I know," she replied. "I put some of your dirty clothes on the pillows so that I could smell your scent. It was a long time before I had no choice but to wash them. Are you coming home with me tonight?"

"No," he said, then seeing her disappointed face he clarified. "Phil set something up here for us. We just have to go down the stairs to the top floor. But the date isn't over yet. I have a gift for you."

He reached inside his jacket and pulled out the Tiffany box. Her eyes grew big when she saw it. Then he opened it and she saw the turquoise and diamond pendant on a white gold chain. As he put it on around her neck he saw another chain and asked her about it. Quickly she pulled it off and hid it in her hand while he fastened her Tiffany necklace on.

"What is it?" he asked. "What were you wearing on your neck?"

Taking his hand she transferred what was hidden in her hand to his. It was his wedding band on a chain.

"I've worn it ever since you left," she said. "I didn't want to lose it."

Taking it off the chain he slid it onto his ring finger then with his voice breaking he took her left hand in his. "I promise never to take this off again," he said solemnly. "I love you so much and I don't ever want to be parted from you again."

"Me neither," she said, standing up and sitting on his lap so that she could kiss him and hold him at the same time.

They kissed gently for several minutes then he told her to stand up. Reaching inside his jacket pocket he pulled out the remote and pressed the second music button. Beautiful slow romantic music began playing and he led her to an open space. Putting one arm around her back and under her shoulder blade and taking her other hand in his he began swaying in time to the music.

"I haven't danced in a long time," he said. "I hope I'm not too rusty."

"This is perfect," she replied. "Dining, dancing, I see a movie screen and we have a place to stay for the night. Considering what we're wearing am I right in thinking we're watching Casablanca?"

"You're right," he replied, putting his cheek close to hers. "I was told you watched all the other movies in my collection but you didn't watch this. Why not?"

"Because you promised me a date watching Casablanca," she replied. "I took you at your word."

"That's my girl," he said, kissing the side of her head.

They danced for about a half hour then he asked if she was ready for the movie. She nodded and he showed her the circular lounge chair with pillows and a blanket that was positioned right in front of the screen. Just as he was about to push the movie button a drone appeared in front of them, with a camera.

"It looks like the main feature is about to start," said a strange male British voice from the camera.

"Who is that?" Bucky asked. "It's familiar but I don't quite remember it."

"Mr. Barnes, I'm hurt that our brief encounter wasn't more memorable," said the voice. "Of course, you were mesmerized by the then Mrs. Madison who has since become your wife. Congratulations on the baby, by the way."

"Damien Vison?" said Bucky. "I don't understand."

"After much reflection he retired from his profession and made the phone call," said Fury's voice. "We're happy to have a man of his varied experience. There's a whole group of people here who either haven't seen Casablanca or want to see it again. Are you two comfortable with a bunch of your friends joining you to watch it? Mr. Coulson assures me there is more than enough soft seating to accommodate all of us although the round unit is reserved for you and your wife."

Bucky looked at Natalie and she smiled at him nodding.

"Sure, come on up," said Bucky. "We still have exclusive use of the apartment though, right?"

There was no answer but a minute later a stream of people came through the door, some stopping to see if there were any leftovers from their meal that they could scavenge. Coulson excused himself for several minutes and came back up with several popped bags of microwaved popcorn, distributing them around. They had all brought up their drinks from the bar as well, although when Natasha and Maria saw there was white wine left they asked if they could have it. Bucky waved his hand with a smile then asked if everyone was ready. He pressed the movie button and nothing happened.

"Peter!" everyone yelled and he ran to the unit to check the connection.

"Sorry!" he exclaimed. "Try it now."

Bucky pressed the movie button on the remote from his semi-reclined position and this time the opening credits began and everyone settled in to watch. He looked at Natalie, then at everyone gathered around and she looked back at him.

"They do care about us," she whispered.

"I know," he whispered back. "Feels kind of nice."

"SHHH," said Natasha loudly. "I'm trying to watch this."

They laughed quietly then Natalie put her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her drawing her close. It felt right and as the movie played there was no conversation from anyone just rapt attention on the screen. For this night at least everything and everyone was wonderful. Bucky knew without a doubt that he was part of a team, this team, who had just helped him woo his wife back. They were a family and he knew he wouldn't be isolated from society again if everyone who was watching that movie had anything to say about it. The long nights of bad sleep, nightmares, and loneliness were definitely gone. Bucky felt completely satisfied with his life as of this night.

"Here's looking at you kid," he whispered in Natalie's ear, then he kissed her tenderly and turned back to his favourite movie, playing on a screen, on the rooftop of an office building in Brooklyn, on a warm summer's night.

(Almost) The End