A/N: So, I had a couple more chapter ideas that did not make it into the official story, but they also wouldn't stop poking at me until I wrote them. Here's the first of them. The next might be a while as I am about to start working on the sequel to covered in frost.
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sick day
.
Nienna was standing behind her sofa, her shirt misbuttoned, and she was attempting to pull her hair back into a bun, but failing miserably as he entered her apartment, closed the door, and typed his code into the alarm system. She looked awful, dead pale except for her cheeks, a bright pink shade he'd never seen on her before. He suspected it was not makeup given the lack of any on her eyes or lips.
He set the bag down on the island counter, just some goodies he'd picked up for the late breakfast they had planned. "Doll, are you okay?"
"Um, I've been better," she admitted. Her fingers seemed to become tangled either in her hair or in the ponytail holder, he couldn't tell which from his angle, and she cursed under her breath and then let her hands drop, her hair falling back down to her shoulders. "Fuck it," she muttered.
Bucky did his best not to chuckle, usually, she didn't give up quite so easily. "Let me help."
He walked over to her, took the ponytail holder from her, and shifted behind to efficiently and neatly pull her hair back and away from her face. He frowned as he did so, a noticeable heat radiating from her. When done, her hair in a neat ponytail, he set the back of a hand to her cheek and sucked in a surprised breath at how hot she felt. "Ni, you're burning up."
She spun about to face him, too fast based on how her skin took on an undertone of green for a moment. "I'm fine... ish." Then she visibly shivered from head to toe.
"No, you're not." He'd nursed one Steve Rogers back to health more than a few times during their younger years to know when someone had come down with something. Based on the obvious symptoms, probably viral, possibly the flu. Not all that common during the summer months but not unheard of either. "You're running one hell of a fever."
She sighed heavily. "That would explain why I feel like utter shit." Then she stepped away from him. "I have a meeting in ten minutes that I can't really miss."
Buck could hear the stubbornness in her voice. "In person or virtual?"
She narrowed her eyes, sneezed three times, the last nearly hard enough to knock her over, sniffled, then responded, "Virtual. I only need to be functional for a couple of hours, then I can die."
He walked over to her and set gentle hands on her shoulders. "You need to go to bed. Now."
She shook her head, stopped when it clearly made her dizzy and growled. "I have bills to pay."
Bucky knew that, but he also knew she was in no shape to do any real work with any success in her current state. "New clients?"
"No. Just an update on a current project," when she saw him open his mouth to argue she quickly added, "who are in three different time zones so meeting together can be tricky. They were all available today."
"Nienna, if they are reasonable clients who trust you they will understand. Do they have all the files they need?"
She nodded. "Of course."
Then I'll join the meeting for you, explain that you are unwell, and reschedule. If they have questions they can email and you can get back to them in a few days. After you're better."
He could tell she wanted to argue, to stubborn it out, but after a moment her shoulders slumped and she nodded. "I haven't felt this bad since I caught the flu my first year in college. I want to sleep for a decade or three. Please give them my sincerest apologies."
"I will, doll." He kissed her lightly on the forehead, which was even warmer than expected. "Go change and crawl into bed. I'll check in on you after I take care of your clients."
She nodded then dragged herself back towards her bedroom, already unbuttoning the shirt in a sure to be vain effort to cool off.
He walked over to her thermostat and adjusted the temp a few degrees cooler, hoping to help her body fight whatever infection she'd been hit with, put away the groceries, and then headed for the office to play the part of her assistant and handle her clients.
As he had expected her clients had been more than understanding when informed Nienna had taken ill. He set up a new meeting time in ten days and assured them that if they had any questions prior, to simply email her, and she would get back to them as soon as she was feeling better. Thankfully the meeting had simply been an update, going over where she was on the programming and if there had been any issues on their end.
He'd been mostly honest, claiming to simply be her assistant with no real knowledge of the work she had been contracted to do and therefore unable to do the review they'd been expecting. They had all thanked him for his time and wished for her quick recovery.
He did not give them a time frame as he had absolutely no clue how long it would take for whatever bug she'd caught to run its course.
He'd closed the meeting program, made certain the office door had been locked, and headed back to the main apartment with the intent to check on her.
She was dead to the world. Face mashed into her pillow at such an odd angle he wondered how she could even breathe. She'd changed into her usual sleepwear of a tank top and shorts, this time with a sports bra for comfort.
He shifted her slightly, so that more of her face was visible, noting that her skin temperature remained far too warm. He could only guess how high the fever was and realized with more than a touch of dismay that he had no real idea what to do.
Oh, he knew he needed to keep her temperature down and could use cold towels and ice to help with that, but it had been an exceedingly long time since he'd dealt with an illness of this type. He knew he should do some research and figure it out, but decided to ask instead.
He sent a text to Sarah.
Are you busy right now?
He sat down in the overstuffed oversized chair Ni liked to curl up and read in while he waited for a response.
Not really. Is everything okay?
Can I call?
Of course
Bucky quickly hit the button and Sarah picked up on the second ring.
"Are you okay?" she asked again, the worry obvious.
"I'm fine, Ni not so much." He ran a hand along her arm then walked out of the room, staying a few steps outside the door where he could keep an eye on her. "She's caught something, the flu maybe, but her fever feels too high. I haven't dealt with this kind of thing in decades. Any advice would be appreciated."
Sarah sucked in an audible breath and blew it out slowly. "And you don't get sick."
"Right."
"Okay, her symptoms?"
"Fever, some sneezing, but she doesn't appear to have a stuffy nose, no coughing that I've observed, but there's something in her breathing I just don't like. A... hitch for lack of a better term."
"Is she cognizant?"
"She tried to be. Had a meeting that I convinced her to reschedule. She was running on sheer stubbornness."
"Okay. Is she asleep now?"
"Yeah, I sent her back to bed. I'm just... how do I help? Can I help?"
Sarah chuckled. "Yes. First, find her medicine cabinet and see what she has on hand."
Bucky realized he should have figured that out on his own, but chose to not berate himself. This is exactly why he had called Sarah. He made his way through her bedroom, noting she hadn't moved at all and still breathed, and into her bathroom. It took a few minutes but he located her stash of over-the-counter drugs. "A couple of different versions of basic painkillers, some Nyquil pills, and some decongestants. Oh and a thermometer."
"Mouth, ear, or thermal?" Sarah asked.
"Uh, mouth."
She huffed out a breath. "All right, none of that is going to be of help. Whatever this is, her body is going to need to burn it off, which means she's going to sleep a lot. You're going to need medications in liquid form."
"I'm sensing the need to make a list."
Sarah laughed softly. "Yes indeed."
Bucky made his way out of the en suite and back to the kitchen where she kept a board and markers for just that purpose. "All right, hit me."
"Tylenol or similar in liquid form, which means children's. Buy the one for older kids and just double the dosage. Same for any cold meds, Nyquil, Sudafed, make certain it is in liquid form. And a thermal thermometer. It takes the temp through the skin and you won't have to wake her up to stick it under her tongue. Also electrolyte drinks, lots of them. If she can keep liquids down, start with those, move on to broth later, once she's actually up and moving again."
"Got it." He underlined the electrolyte. "And if none of the drugs help?" The fever worried him. He knew that if it got too high it could do serious damage to that amazing brain of hers.
"Your number one goal is to keep the fever down. That means ice packs, cold showers or baths, whatever you have to do. The tylenol will help, but without knowing what she has it can only do so much. And only if you can get it into her."
He wrote 'fever down' on the board in all caps. "What about... food, uh, bathroom breaks and such?" If he had been able to do such things for Steve he could definitely manage it for Nienna.
"If you can wake her, encourage her to eat, drink and pit stop. Try every four hours or so. If her temp hits 105 and will not come down no matter what you do, take her to the hospital. I mean this Bucky, at one hundred and seven her brain will start to cook."
"Fuck," Bucky muttered. "This was not how the day was supposed to go."
"Maybe not, but it's probably a good thing you are there." Sarah sounded far more certain that he felt about the situation. "She's lucky to have you."
"I'm still not convinced about that, but I'll do what I can."
There was a crash in the background. "AJ, what the devil are you doing? Bucky, I have to go."
"Thank you, Sarah. Say hi to the boys for me."
"I will. Let me know how she is, please."
"Of course. You have no idea how much I appreciate this."
"Bucky-" Whatever she had planned to say, she clearly changed her mind. "Go take care of your girl."
"Yes, ma'am," Bucky responded with a wry chuckle then disconnected the call.
He realized this was not going to be over in an afternoon and had to plan accordingly. While he had a few clothes here, random shirts and such, he would need more than that if he were to stay here for the few days he suspected would be needed. He had a go bag at his apartment that had three days worth of clothes that he used when heading out on jobs, especially those out of country. He could grab that, stop by a pharmacy and pick up the list and be back here in a couple of hours.
But did he risk leaving her alone?
He strode back to her room to check on her, suspecting he would be doing this obsessively over the next few days, and set the back of his hand against her forehead. She'd flopped onto her back, having kicked the covers off one of her legs. She was covered in a light sheen of sweat even in the comfortable temp of the room. He decided to turn up the fan to keep the air moving and went to her freezer to see what she had for ice in there. He lucked out and found a couple of reusable ice packs, he grabbed one, wrapped a clean kitchen towel around it, and carried it back to her. She hadn't moved and he tucked it underneath her neck. She didn't even flinch, which caused his worry to up another notch.
He leaned down and kissed her gently on her overheated cheek. "I'll be back soon, doll, just hang on."
. . .
After only thirty minutes away he broke his one cardinal rule and accessed her security system via his phone to keep an eye on her. Yes, she had given him codes for emergencies, but he had promised himself to never use it. This seemed to be one of those exceptions to the rule given his surprisingly strong concern for her.
Once she was better he would have her change the access codes to lock him out again. Though knowing her she wouldn't, citing the fact that she had given him said codes for situations just like this. She seemed certain he wouldn't abuse her trust in him and he appreciated that trust and knew he would never do anything to lose it.
He'd hit his apartment first, grabbing his go bag plus a couple extra days worth of clothes knowing he could use her washer and dryer should he end up having to be there longer. Then he hit the nearest chain pharmacy figuring they would have a better selection than the grocery store. He got everything Sarah had suggested and a few items the associate who had seen him fumbling about recommended, then rushed back to her place wanting to check the feed every few seconds just to make certain she still breathed as she hadn't seemed to have moved an inch since he'd left.
Anything else he might need he would have delivered as he intended to remain in the apartment until she was up and moving again.
Her place was eerily silent when he entered, the AC not currently running adding that quiet background susurrus of sound. Even the street noise that often drifted up seemed to have been noticeably muted. He set his duffle on the floor, bags on the counter, then locked the door and armed the system. He dug through the bags and retrieved the thermometer, the liquid ibuprofen, and a bottle of adult electrolyte drink the strode quickly into the bedroom.
Ni remained in the same position she'd been in when he'd left some ninety minutes ago. He took a moment to watch and could see the rise and fall of her chest proving she still lived. He set the items down on the bedside table and tore into the packaging for the thermometer. It was one of the USB charged ones, but it had about fifty percent battery. Good enough to check her right now, he'd set up the charging stand in a few minutes.
He skimmed the instructions, tested it on himself getting a pretty normal ninety-seven point two, cleared it then ran it across her forehead back to her ear. He blinked at the number on the digital screen figuring it surely had to be wrong. He did it again only to get the same scary number one-hundred and three point four.
"Fuck," he muttered. He debated letting her continue to sleep versus waking her long enough to get some medication and liquid into her so that she didn't dehydrate on top of everything else her body was going through. People, normal people anyway, regularly went eight hours without water while sleeping. But... but they weren't cooking themselves from the inside.
That made the decision simple.
"Doll, I need you to wake up for a few."
She didn't react.
He sighed heavily and set a hand on her burning hot shoulder and shook her gently. "C'mon, sleepyhead, you need to take some meds."
Her breathing changed, sounding almost like a wheeze even though she still showed no signs of a cough or stuffiness.
"Mmmrpg?" Her eyes cracked open, blearily gazing about the room. The green dominant hazel eyes oddly shiny in the light of the room. "B...Bucky?"
"Yeah, doll. Can you sit up?"
She shook her head. "No. Wanna sleep." The words slurred badly and her eyes attempted to drift back shut and drag her back into unconsciousness.
"You can after. Promise."
She grumbled something he could in no way translate, then made a valiant effort to push herself into a somewhat upright position.
Realizing she had no strength, Bucky assisted in getting her into a sitting position, which seemed to make that almost but not quite wheezing more pronounced. It worried him, but all he could do at this point was monitor it and hope it didn't get any worse.
He got the liquid fever reducer open and didn't bother measuring, just had her take a couple good swigs from the bottle.
She made a face. "Bubble gum?"
"I figured all the flavors would taste bad so..." He shrugged and got a weak chuckle as a reward. "The electrolyte drink is mixed berry. Maybe that'll be better."
More indecipherable grumbling occurred, but she took hold of the drink and chugged about half, much to his surprise. When she finished, she handed the bottle back and mumbled, "Sleep now."
"Yes, doll. You can sleep now." He helped her lay back down, not doing her usual shifting until comfortable and was out mere seconds after her head had hit the pillow.
He spent a few moments doing nothing more than watching her as her body relaxed and her breathing evened out. That something was still there in the background, but he had no clue what to do about it. He knew it would take at least thirty minutes for the drugs to kick in so he got the thermometer charging and set a timer on his smartwatch to check on her when it went off. If her temp hadn't come down, he would break out the ice packs and do what he could to help her body fight this.
Knowing he couldn't do anything else right now, he kissed her on the forehead, hating how warm the skin was against his lips then headed out into the living area to take care of the items he'd brought.
He tossed the bag of clothes into the spare bedroom, which she always kept ready for guests not that she'd had any since they'd begun dating. She'd finally boxed up the few clothes and items Sabine had left behind and shipped them to her, leaving no sign of the former occupant except a faint hint of the woman's perfume lingering on the wood and decorative pillows on the bed. The room had never been overtly feminine, the furniture and bed clothes neutrally colored, reminding him of an upscale hotel room more than anything. Sabine had only been here a few weeks after the Blip and had not left much of a mark. Sometimes he wondered if Nienna missed her previous lover and if he was an adequate replacement.
He wasn't jealous per se, but he still occasionally had doubts as to why she was with him. Yes, they got along fabulously, she seemed to fit within crevices of his soul that he hadn't realized were even empty and he could only hope he somehow did the same for her. They both still had their secrets; such as her violent dislike of hospitals, but he kept his share of secrets as well.
The thing was he found himself wanting to share them with her. To reveal more of who he was in an effort to figure out who he wanted to be. And he felt certain she would travel beside him on that journey.
He wandered back out to the kitchen and unloaded all the bags, including those he'd brought earlier. He glanced at the clock realizing it was just after noon. Had it only been a few hours since he'd arrived to find her looking like death warmed over? As he put the items away or organized them on the counter for easy access he realized it was going to be a long night.
. . .
Twenty-four hours had passed and the fever hadn't lessened one whit. Oh he could get it back down a bit with ice packs tucked behind her neck and on her forehead, held in place with one of her headbands that she sometimes wore to keep her hair out of her face, but it never dropped below one-hundred and one. Even with triple the amount of fever reducers it just dipped for a short time then came back worse than ever. She would shiver at first when he refreshed the ice, but the reusable packs warmed quickly, which meant he had to resort to double-bagged ice cubes wrapped in hand towels to catch the worst of the condensation. Her poor pillows would need to be replaced after his abuse of them.
He woke her every four hours to drink and hit the bathroom. There'd been no vomiting yet, but he also hadn't tried to force anything resembling solid food on her. Plus, she hadn't been overly coherent during any of those semi-conscious moments. They never lasted longer than ten or fifteen minutes and once permitted she fell back to sleep almost instantly. Her body doing everything to fight off whatever bug she had caught.
It terrified him.
Not that he hadn't dealt with sick friends before. He'd nursed pre-serum Steve through any number of colds, flu, and even a couple more serious bouts of pneumonia back in the day. Shit, Steve had been lucky as hell to have not caught tuberculosis back then, especially considering his mom had died of it. Almost as if the universe had known the scrawny kid from Brooklyn had been destined for greater things.
Which, of course, he had.
Nienna, on the other hand, had probably fulfilled her destiny given what she'd done during the Snap years. Could she have more to do? Of course, but she had already made herself famous in her own way. She might only get a mention in the history books, but she would be there.
The timer beeped and he pulled the food out of the oven and shut it off. Food for himself. He could go a while without sleeping, the cost being the need to eat more. Ni batch-cooked food, portioned it then froze it so all she had to do was grab one, heat it up, and be good to go, especially on weeks when she had an excess of work and meetings. She had taken to cooking more portions simply so he could steal some from her. While they spent a lot of time together, as much as they could manage as two grown adults with jobs, they still had days where all they did was text, but he appreciated her willingness to pretend he couldn't cook in his tiny kitchen, which he could, but why bother when her meals were so much better.
He set the tray with the food on the hot pad intending to let it cool a bit before digging in, when a crash came from the bedroom.
He didn't hesitate and, for an instant debated hopping over her extra-wide island to get there mere seconds faster, but went around, his bare feet making almost no sound on the warm wood of her floors. He skidded to a halt in the doorway to assess the situation. A bedside lamp that doubled as a charger for a few of her devices lay on the floor along with one of her pillows. She had shifted position, somehow snagging the pillow and sending it and the lamp to the floor.
Ni lay twisted in her sheets, her breath a dry rattle that upped his concern another three notches. She muttered something he couldn't make out and tried to roll to the left only the sheets already wrapped about her prevented her from doing so.
Bucky moved to her side, not certain how conscious she might be and he didn't want to startle her on top of everything else. "Doll, you okay?"
She didn't respond. He moved next to the bed, setting a hand on her forearm, and quietly hissed at her warmth. "Shit," he muttered. "Let's get you comfortable." She grumbled a bit as he straightened the sheets and pillows, propping her up in the hopes of improving her breathing. He set the lamp back on the table, he searched for anything that might have been charging on it but didn't see anything. Her phone was on the other side and still had plenty of charge. Not that she'd be needing it any time soon.
While he'd been in here less than two hours ago he decided to go ahead and take her temperature again. He ran the fancy device across her forehead and back towards her ear and waited for the beep.
He stared at the number in disbelief.
Hoping to any god that might listen, including Thor, he reset it and tried again only to see the exact same result.
One hundred and four point nine.
"Shit," he muttered.
He'd helped her drink nearly half a bottle of liquid Tylenol the last time he'd woken her and it most certainly should have kicked in by now, which meant...
"Fuck."
He set the thermometer back on its charger and left the room. He needed to bring her temp down. He returned to the kitchen and opened her freezer where he'd placed several reusable ice packs of varying sizes for just this purpose. He grabbed two, one of which had an adjustable band, really designed for knees or shoulder, but would work just as well for this.
She hadn't moved, but she seemed to be frowning in her illness-induced slumber. He sat on the edge of the bed and with all due care shifted her to drape the larger ice pack behind her neck and over her shoulders.
She grumbled, eyes fluttering, but she didn't fully awaken. Though part of him really wished she would. The second she placed against her forehead. It was large enough to cover most of the crown even though it kept slipping down toward her eyes. He adjusted the strap, taking care to not catch her hair in it, and settled her as comfortably as possible back on the pillows.
He set a mental timer for twenty minutes, knowing the lifespan of the ice packs wasn't much longer than that. He didn't care that his food was swiftly cooling on the counter, he could reheat it or eat it cold if necessary, being here to make certain she was okay far outweighed the hunger that had mysteriously fled when he'd read that digital screen.
Ni's face scrunched up in unhappiness and her eyes cracked open.
"Bucky?"
"Yeah, doll."
"My head hurts," she mumbled, her voice harsh and raw sounding.
He was not the least bit surprised at that. "I bet it does," he said as he ran his fingers along her flushed cheek. She still wasn't sweating which concerned him as it was the typical side effect of most fevers. At least as far as he could recall. He would need to do some more research, maybe it would give him some better treatment options. "Your fever is... impressive."
"Oh." her eyes drifted shut for a moment. "Sorry."
Bucky blinked wondering what the hell she could be sorry about. "Ni-" he shook his head mostly at himself as there was a fair chance she would have no memory of this conversation. "Thirsty?"
She managed a nod.
When she attempted to sit up, he held her in place with a hand on her shoulder. He grabbed the bottle of electrolyte drink, cracked it open, and dropped in the silicone straw he grabbed expressly for this purpose. It was more than bendy enough that she could easily drink while in her current propped-up position with assistance.
When she'd finished off about a quarter of the bottle she nodded that she'd had all she wanted for now. He set it aside. He took her hand in both his own as she settled deeper into the pillows, eyes blinking blearily up at him. "Worst date ever, huh?"
He shrugged, attempting to look serious. "I've had worse," he told her, which was both the truth and a lie. The worst ones that he remembered had not technically not been him and usually ended with someone dead or dying depending on the mission requirements at the time. But Nienna didn't need to know the specifics.
She gave him a wan smile, eyes already drifting shut. "You'll have to tell me about them someday."
"Maybe," he told her. "Go to sleep. I'll be nearby."
She grumbled something unintelligible but let her body's needs win. Her eyes slid shut and stayed that way, her body going boneless. He touched the ice pack on her shoulder noting it had nearly reached uselessness already, and got up to get replacements.
When he returned with the new ones in hand she had curled up on her side and he did his best to not disturb her slumber as he changed them out. A hand on her arm seemed to confirm that her temperature had gone down somewhat, but also that the fever still raged within her.
Bucky leaned over to kiss her gently on her cheek before heading back to the kitchen where his meal awaited. He updated the timer to check on her every two hours now. If the fever didn't break soon he would need to call someone for real assistance as he was swiftly reaching the limits of his abilities. Ni had already come far too close to that top temp than he liked and while he knew of her dislike of hospitals he would rather beg forgiveness than ask permission should the time come and he had no choice but to make the decision for her.
She may have been reasonably coherent this time, but the next, especially if the fever went higher?
Yeah. Better she was alive and angry at him than dead because he waited too long and her brain boiled.
Now that was an unsettling image.
He tossed the ice packs back into the freezer then took his lukewarm dinner to the dining table and ate it even though his appetite had fled. He needed to keep his energy up to deal with whatever might come next.
. . .
Bucky woke up.
It took several long seconds for him to realize exactly where he was, which was more than a touch disconcerting.
He'd been watching something on Netflix while doing some research on the spare laptop she kept around for him to abuse, attempting to pinpoint the location of a Hydra research facility that had recently come back on his radar. He had spent several unpleasant months there having his brain played with and had decided that now might be the time to visit and make certain it no longer existed in any form. Sadly, those memories remained a jumbled mess of pain, confusion, and anguish so trying to piece together any relevant information had taken more time than he preferred given the odd nagging need to resolve the situation now.
He scrubbed a hand across his face and sat up. The TV had gone to a screensaver leaving the room eerily quiet, the hum of the AC missing and he wondered for a moment if the power had gone out and reset the devices. It was summer after all and, with the increased load on the systems after five years of far less usage, brown-outs had been occurring with annoying regularity. Nienna's building had backup power to keep items like refrigerators and medical devices on along with some emergency lighting, but he didn't think that's what had happened. A glance at the clock told him it was well after oh-two-hundred and he'd been out for several hours.
He had been nearing exhaustion having been awake for over forty-eight hours, little wonder once he had sat down for too long he'd drifted off into a much-needed slumber, but that didn't explain the ribbon of unease that curled deep within his belly.
He stood and walked over to the bedroom to check on Nienna. She lay on her left side, hands tucked underneath her chin. She looked especially pale in the soft white glow of the turtle she kept on the bedside table. It was normally set to shift through various colors, but he'd locked it on the white to provide some ambient light in the room without disturbing her slumber.
He settled onto the bed next to her, removed the long warmed ice-packs, and set a hand against her forehead.
"Shit," he muttered at the heat emanating from her. He grabbed the thermometer and felt the blood drain from his face at the number revealed. He didn't bother to recheck, it had been unfailingly accurate for the last two and a half days, why would it fail now?
One hundred and five point three.
Without hesitating he rose and walked into the bathroom stripping down to his skivvies as he went. He opened the shower door and turned it on, twisting the knobs all the way to the left, praying for the coldest water the pipes could manage as he was not going to waste time getting ice from the freezer.
He returned to the bedroom, tossed back the covers, and scooped her up in his arms.
She didn't react at all.
In fact, if it wasn't for the undeniable reality that she breathed and he could hear her slow if slightly unsteady heartbeat he would have sworn she had become dead weight.
Before stepping under the cold spray he adjusted her so that her head, which currently dangled limply down the side of his arm, rested against his shoulder, her forehead pressed hotly against the side of his neck.
"I got you, Ni," he assured her, not caring that she probably didn't hear him and hating the tremor of doubt that could be heard in his voice.
If this didn't work, and rather quickly a trip to the nearest hospital would be happening.
He stood under the water, the fancy oversized head falling straight down as if they stood outside in the rain. He made certain her body took the majority of the cold water but also kept her face angled so that her breathing would not be impacted.
He stood there with seemingly infinite patience while trying to ignore the abject terror that threatened to drown him far more easily than the water hitting his face ever could.
When had this happened?
When had he fallen so far to care enough to stay and nurse this woman back to health?
Less than a year ago he'd been a broken shell of a man lucky enough to be granted a second chance at living among the general population.
Mere months ago he'd finally begun to forgive himself for past actions that both were and were not his. He'd only just begun to heal, truly heal, when he had swiped right and been brave enough to have coffee with the beautiful woman who now might be dying in his arms.
When had their lives become so intertwined that in this moment he actively feared losing her forever?
And more importantly; why had he let it happen?
He wanted to blame Sam but truthfully could not. He'd been on this path since discovering that he was indeed more than just the Fist of Hydra. The path on the journey to rediscover who he was had been a long and winding one. Hell, he'd even died, for lack of a better term, in the middle of it, but his hope to have a chance at a real life, one of his own choosing, had never wavered. While he remained uncertain if he could accomplish that while playing superhero he ultimately still pushed towards that goal.
He just hadn't planned on this.
On finding a single person he became so strongly attracted to that he had no choice but swing into orbit about them. He cared about Nienna as a friend, but also so much more. He had steadfastly refused to put a word to his feelings, but that didn't make said feelings any less real.
He'd fallen in love with this woman and had no clue if she shared that sentiment.
And he could never ask her.
Being with him... it put her in danger. It made her even more of a target than she already had become. In truth, he still worried that the odd happenings she'd experienced since they'd been met had been caused by outside forces trying to hurt him. No matter that all the research he'd done pointed elsewhere.
It seemed that because of all the pain he'd caused in the past that he couldn't accept that he couldn't be the cause of more.
Of course it had become easier to blame himself even though he knew ... knew it had nothing to do with him. He just happened to enter her life the same time they'd begun their campaign against her.
A true coincidence.
"Fuck," he muttered.
He hadn't planned on this. Falling for literally the second person he'd dated since being freed from... well everything.
But he had.
And now he stood stoically while cold water sprayed down on them. She had yet to react and she still felt like dead weight, but he could feel her heated breath on the side of his neck; the only real sign that she still lived.
Ten minutes went by. Twenty.
Her skin cooled, but never really got cold. He debated carefully sitting on the floor of her shower and shifting her so the water could get to more of her skin. He debated calling 911 and getting her to a hospital.
Instead he turned his head, mouth by her ear and began to talk to her. Telling her everything that was going through his mind, his fear, his plans for them, his desperate need for her to make it through this unscathed.
How he felt.
About her.
About them.
He pretended that tears were not creating tracks of warmth down his cheeks countering the effects of the much cooler water.
The last time he had cried, really cried, was when Okoye had confirmed the Hydra programming had been broken. That he no longer had to fear that anyone with the list of words could take control of him and make him do whatever they wished. That he could never be used like that again.
That emotional release had been a long time coming.
Perhaps this one had as well.
Finally, in a hoarse whisper full of desperation he pleaded, "Nienna, please, wake up for me."
She shifted.
It was slight, but her head moved against his neck, and she took in a much deeper breath than those which had come before. Her right hand, which had dangled limply until now, moved, coming up until it rested against his chest, fingers grasping the dog tags he still wore and holding on as if for dear life.
She mumbled something unintelligible.
The relief that washed through Bucky astonished him. He hadn't been this worried when she'd been stabbed, which sounded strange, but he'd had some control of that situation. This... he really had no way to help her. Her body had to win this fight, he could only stand guard over her as the battle continued. Even Steve, who always seemed to catch everything, had never been this bad.
"Ni, I need you to keep fighting this. I'll help all I can but you need to fight."
She grumbled again. "Everything hurts," she managed, voice sounding both dry and soggy at the same time.
Bucky could just imagine the muscle aches the fever and probable dehydration were causing at this point. She'd been keeping the electrolyte solution down, she just hadn't been waking up enough to keep fully hydrated.
"I know. A few more minutes and you can drink something. Need to get your temp down first. You need to try to stay awake for now." If she was awake and at least somewhat coherent then her brain was working. At least that was the logic he would be following for now.
She grunted in agreement.
It took another twenty minutes, but she began to shiver, her skin actually feeling cool to the touch. Her fingers had played with his tags the entire time, letting him know that she was doing her best to not fall back into the arms of Nod. Not necessarily fully conscious, but not that terrifying bonelessness of when he'd carried her in here.
He shifted to turn off the water then carried her out, taking care to not slip on the floor. He set her down on the stool before the vanity and quickly wrapped her in as many towels as he could find. She managed to stay upright on her own, though her eyes never opened. "Will you be okay for a moment?" He didn't want to be dripping all over her floors and needed to grab a bottle of water for her. Maybe some more meds. Anything to assist her body's fight.
She shivered and nodded, holding the towels tighter about herself. "Yeah. I'll be okay for a few."
He wrapped a towel about his waist and rushed from the room. He would dress after he had her taken care of. He grabbed the drinks, the medicine, the thermometer, and some dry clothes for her and was back in the bathroom in less than five minutes.
He opened the water and handed it to her. "Drink all you can, it should help with the headache."
She finally cracked her eyes open, the color dull and washed out, not the bright glow of a high fever, which while good, probably wouldn't last. He'd gotten it to back down, but it still hadn't broken. She untangled her hands and took the bottle, sipping at first as if afraid it might come back up unexpectedly. When it didn't she chugged half of it quickly.
Bucky swiped at the water dripping down his face from his hair and grabbed the thermometer. Her temp had backed down to a far more reasonable one hundred and one. Not great, but better. When she stopped to breathe from drinking he handed her the open liquid tylenol.
"Drink all you can." Dosing didn't matter at this point. Keeping her temp down did.
She didn't argue, drank half the bottle, made a face, then drank some more.
While Bucky worked on getting her dry she drank the rest of the water. He wrapped her hair in a towel, knowing it would take longer to dry, his mind a whirl of emotions and words that he simply could not voice. Not now anyway.
Nienna reached out and cupped his cheek, the skin wrinkled and pruned from being in the water for so long. "Bucky."
"It's okay, doll. I've got you." He raised an eyebrow. "Trust me?"
Tears welled in her eyes though he didn't quite understand why. It could have been due to the exhaustion and pain she was currently feeling. "Always," she told him. "Go get dressed, I'll stagger back to bed when I'm done."
"Are you sure?" he questioned, he didn't want to risk her falling if she couldn't stand on her own yet.
She levered herself to her feet. "I'm sure."
Her hand had not moved from his cheek, so he turned his head and kissed her palm and stood. "I'll be nearby if you need me."
She attempted a smile. It was crooked and did not reach her eyes, which had begun to turn glassy again. "Go, I'll flop on my bed momentarily."
He didn't argue, picked up his clothes from where he'd flung them and left her alone in the bathroom. He didn't close the door completely and therefore heard when she groaned in misery the moment she could no longer see him.
He ignored the tears that quickly followed, realizing she'd made him leave so that he would not have to deal with her sudden emotional outburst. He seriously debated turning around and holding her through it, but respected her wishes to vent in private.
Still, he wasted no time getting dry and dressed, prepared to rush back in at the slightest hint she needed assistance and waited impatiently for what seemed like an hour though only ten minutes went by, her tears having dried up by the six minute mark, when she swung open the door, nearly empty water bottle in one hand. Her hair was still damp but that could not be helped, and he doubted she cared as she looked ready to collapse.
"Sorry, I'm sleeping so much."
He went to her, gentle hand on her bicep for support if she needed it. He hated that she already felt warmer than just a few minutes ago even as she shivered in the cool air of the room. He decided to fill her tub, not full, just enough for her body to be mostly immersed, which would make it easy for him to add ice if needed. It was a fancy soaking tub so she would have to put in effort to drown in it if left alone for a few minutes. Hell, he'd climb in with her if needed. But it would probably be more effective in getting her temp down quickly should it be needed.
He suspected it would be needed.
"Ni..." He shook his head, not certain what he could say to convince her that he didn't care so long as she came out the other side of this whole and healthy. "Sleep. It's what you need right now."
He plucked the nearly empty water bottle from her hand and set it on the bedside table, helped her into the bed, pulled up the covers as she shifted in what looked like a vain effort to get comfortable.
"Bucky-"
"Sleep," he mock-ordered. He kissed her on the forehead, a soft sigh escaping from her as he did so. "I'll check on you in a couple of hours."
"M'kay," she agreed, eyes already drifting shut, the little energy she had already burned through.
He sat on the edge of her bed for nearly an hour before convincing himself it was safe to leave her side. He cleaned up all the towels, carried them to the washer, then filled the tub with six inches of water. He then bagged most of the ice so that the machine would produce more and then made coffee. He suspected it was going to be an exceedingly long night.
Her fever finally broke.
He'd been forced to put her in the tub twice, clothes and all, bags of ice dumped in around her in an effort to reduce the fever ravaging her body.
The first time she hadn't woken up at all, her body limp and unresponsive even when she began to shiver which he had ignored until her temp had come down to a far more reasonable one hundred and stayed there for a full five minutes. Only then had he scooped her out and dried her off before putting her back to bed; a dry towel on the pillow for her wet hair.
He had tried in vain to wake her in an effort to get her to at least drink some water, but she had simply slumbered on.
He had parked himself in the chair near her bed, refusing to leave her alone and fearing the return of the high fever. He had debated calling on Sarah for more of her sage advice, but knew she would tell him to take Ni to the hospital and Bucky wanted to avoid that if at all possible. He didn't want her out of his sight right now. Besides, aside from antibiotics, which may or may not have any effect, there was little doctors could do for her that Bucky couldn't. Yes, they could use an IV to feed her chilled saline which would help reduce the fever from the inside, but otherwise that would be doing pretty much the same, wrapping her in chilled blankets and possibly using an ice bath.
He had considered arranging an IV just to keep her hydrated, he had contacts that could get him that equipment easily and quickly, but had decided to wait on that as well.
She'd awoken the second time, grouchy and unhappy and trying to get up and away from the icy cold water about her. Bucky had ended up climbing in with her and she had fought him as well. Weakly struggling to get out of his gentle but firm hold that he felt deep in his bones was the last chance to break the fever.
He spoke quietly and calmly hoping to ease her building panic even as she kicked her legs and thrashed, forcing him to wrap his legs about hers in an effort to keep her still. She'd given up after a few minutes, the last of her strength melting away, her skin hot against his even in the ice filled tub, the depth significantly higher with him in it with her.
She had panted in his hold, the raspy dry sound painful to his ears, but she breathed, she reacted to his words and when he released her she didn't try to scramble away. He got her to drink most of a bottle of electrolytes, though she refused the liquid aspirin and on this occasion he didn't fight her on it. He just held her and prayed to a god he'd long since stopped believing in that her fever would break and she would come through this undamaged in body and soul. She could hate him for what he'd done in the moment, he didn't care, her being alive, hale and whole were all that mattered right now.
Eventually she'd drifted off in his arms, but he waited until the ice had melted and her temp had come down enough for him to no longer feel that churning of panic deep in his soul.
Once it had he'd gotten her dried off - he'd used and dried all of her towels twice now - and back into bed, he'd stood over her, his own hair still wet and dripping down on his shoulders and chest, and realized he would probably shatter into pieces if he were to lose her.
And that scared him.
Deeply.
Profoundly.
He hadn't planned on falling for the brilliant woman possibly dying on the bed just a few steps away, but he had.
He'd realized the night she'd been stabbed and she had not been taken aback by his violence against her attacker, that she could be someone he could spend his life, as much of it as he could share, given he might live decades longer than she ever could, with.
Bucky had no clue if she felt the same.
He wouldn't ask.
She had shared enough of her life with him, he would not presume to take more.
No matter how much in this moment he wanted to.
He could wait.
They had time.
He'd stayed by her side for hours, but after the last few days he was exhausted more mentally than physically in some ways and had dozed off in the comfortable chair he sat in. Even his enhanced body demanding rest and recovery, if only for a few hours.
When he jerked awake, heart pounding at the sudden silence in the room, he'd scooted forward fearing the worst. Ni's breathing had lost that odd raspy tone and the skin under his right hand, while still warmer than normal, no longer had that overheated dryness to it.
Bucky's sigh of relief had an edge to it that surprised even him. He moved to kneel beside the bed and rested his forehead against her arm, a shudder running through him as he sent a silent thank you to whatever god had listened to his plea of earlier.
He didn't try to wake her, simply stayed beside her as she lay there in a far more normal seeming slumber, that terrifying heaviness to her body seemingly gone. She grumbled something, rolled and curled up about his hand, tucking it up under her chin and making him smile in unexpected joy at the simple unconscious contact.
Maybe. Just maybe.
. . .
He was standing in the kitchen making some coffee and munching on some fruit when he heard the shower kick on. Her shower. He resisted the need to rush in and make certain she was okay, rationalizing that if she had gotten up and to her bathroom on her own she was probably at least better. He waited a beat then walked into her bedroom, efficiently stripping the bed, taking them to the washing machine. He stuffed the sheets in, setting the comforter aside, away from the pile of clean towels, making certain to add extra sanitizer to the little dispenser, and set it for the longest wash cycle. He wanted no chance in hell for any lingering germs to survive. He feared that if she caught that damn bug again she wouldn't.
He went back to her room once he'd started the machine and hosed down her mattress with spray sanitizer, then opened the windows, the air not cool by any means, but with more than enough of a breeze that the room should air out before the AC became too unhappy with the situation. Yes, the AC system had filters and such built in but they weren't really designed for a sickness like this. So fresh, as fresh as late summer Brooklyn air could be, air circulated through the room would have to do.
He opened a couple more windows in the main area and heard the AC kick on, already responding to the slight increase of temperature. He'd give it twenty minutes then close them back up. Once the sun went fully down and the temperature moderated a bit he'd do it again.
Bucky was back in the kitchen when Nienna shuffled out of the bedroom, wearing sweats and a tank top, drying her hair in a towel. She was still pale, though her cheeks were ruddy from the warmth of the shower. Her eyes were no longer shiny and bright with fever, she looked a hundred times better than mere hours ago.
She stopped dead when she saw him and confusion skittered across her features.
"Bucky?" Her voice sounded raw and about an octave deeper than normal.
"Yes, doll?" he responded, turning on the electric kettle then rotating to meet her mystified gaze. "Tea?"
"Uh, sure." She made her way to the big island and sat on one of the stools watching him as he got her favorite tea cup out the cabinet. "Jasmine? Chai? Regular?" Not that she kept regular on hand. Even her black tea was a fancy blend that tasted amazing hot or cold. He grabbed the tea ball that was shaped like a dragon that would sit on the edge of the mug with the head just peeking over the rim and the honey while awaiting her answer.
"Jasmine sounds lovely," she said with a soft sigh.
He opened the jar, and scooped out just the right amount to fill the tea ball.
"Why are you still here?" she asked. "I mean I appreciate it and all, but you didn't have to waste your time babysitting me. Over a little cold. You have work, don't you?"
He poured the hot water into the mug, added the honey and set it in front of her to steep. "I let them know." He shrugged. "They're used to me being called away on short notice." True enough and his boss at Urban Refurb probably thought he'd been called away for another jaunt with Captain America and he hadn't bothered to disabuse him of that notion. Yes, Bucky could make some jobs go faster, like demo, but that was just a bonus for him. He got paid by the hour just like the rest of the team.
"Bucky, it was one day, I-" The look that must have shown on his face stopped her words cold. "It's been one day, right?"
He shook his head and slid his phone over to her.
She looked down at the screen, the date and time on it and she frowned, her brow scrunching in a far too adorable manner as she stared at it. "I...it... it's been four days?" she asked incredulously.
Bucky frowned. "What do you remember?"
She closed her eyes, hands wrapping about the mug, absorbing the warmth. She tipped her head slightly, clearly digging through her recent past for any relevant information. "Not much," she finally answered, meeting his eyes with concern and worry buried in hers. "You holding me in the rain?"
The first time he'd needed to bring her temp down.
"Shower," he explained, trying to keep his tone neutral, not yet ready for her to know how terrifying and eye-opening it had been for him. He shrugged. "Best way to get your fever down quickly."
She slid the phone across the counter towards him then picked up the cup, blew the steam, then took a cautious sip. She relaxed visibly as she swallowed then drank again, sighing softly. "Do I want to know how bad it was?"
Bucky's shoulders tensed for a moment as he easily recalled exactly how sick she had been just hours ago, before answering, "Bad, doll. I probably should have taken you to the hospital, but I didn't want you to hate me later."
Ni managed a wan smile. "Only a little, provided I survived."
Feeling almost helpless he walked around the counter to stand beside her and she turned to meet his concerned gaze. He took one of her hands into both of his. "Ni-" His words choked off, part of him wanting to admit everything; how scared he'd been, how much he cared for her, how he wanted this to be more than just some summer fling, not that it had ever been that even before they'd become more than friends. How much he wasn't ready or willing to lose another person he cared about. No matter how many new people he gained in his life he had still lost so many more.
He wanted the chance to live and be his own person... finally.
And he had begun to believe it to be possible with her. With Nienna.
But he couldn't tell her that. Not now. Possibly not ever.
"I am very glad you did." He raised her hand and kissed her fingers. "Though I would prefer to not have to go through it again."
Nienna must have seen something on his face, in his eyes, as she set her other hand, warm from the cup of tea against his cheek. "Thank you, James. I appreciate everything you did for me, it was above and beyond considering..."
He looked her in the eyes, seeing something there he couldn't quite interpret. "Considering what?"
She rubbed her thumb along his stubbled cheek. "We've only known each other a few months, this... this, what you did for me goes beyond what is usually expected in a new relationship."
Bucky shrugged. "You'd do the same for me."
She nodded. "I would," she assured him, running her fingers back into his hair. "But right now I'm tired, which seems stupid since I apparently slept most of the last four days."
"Not stupid. Recovering. Which I am going to make certain you continue to do." He wanted to pull her in close, wrap his arms about her and never let go. Instead he kissed her on the forehead and stepped away, going back around the counter. "How do you feel about some food?"
She sipped the tea as she thought about it. "Mmm, I don't think solid food would be a good idea yet."
"Soup. Broth. Calories and protein. Then a nap." he told her.
"Will... can you stay a bit longer?" she asked hesitantly.
"Yes, doll, as long as you need."
Part of him hoped that would be a long time indeed.
.
.
fin
