A/N: To all my Italian readers, I apologize in advance for my horrible Italian.

Joseph Goes Fishing

"Caesarinooooooo!" a muffled voice called, jolting Caesar Antonio Zeppeli out of his peaceful sleep. "Bungorno!"

"It's buongiorno, buffoon!" Caesar snapped back. "All of you Americani have no…class, stumbling through words like ungainly albatrosses trying to land! Buongiorno, idiota!" He scowled at the wilting JoJo and sat up, throwing his blanket in Joseph's direction and stalking over to the mirror.

"Bonjorno?" Joseph tried.

"Buon-giorno…" Caesar said slowly, enunciating every sound. "Good Lord…" he sighed, shaking his head as he ran a comb through his pale blond hair. "You were given a tongue, but you seem incapable of using it!"

"Aha! But I can, Caesarino! I most certainly can!" Absolutely nothing deterred Joseph. "You, on the other hand, speak English with the most horrible accent ever!"

A sharp rap on the door signaled the arrival of their teacher, Lisa Lisa. "Caesar! Joseph! Are you awake yet?"

Both boys froze. "Yes, ma'am!" Joseph yelled. "Caesar's just wasting time doing his hair!" He smirked at Caesar.

"I'll have you know," Caesar said acidly, "that this hairstyle brings in the girls. Yours, on the other hand, looks like a rat lived in it. It is no wonder that you don't have a girlfriend."

"Caesar, Joseph, manners!" Lisa Lisa barked, opening the door of the room. "Let me remind you two that we have fourteen days to prepare to battle the pillarmen, and if you spend those fourteen days bickering like ill-mannered toddlers, you will be sorry."

"Mistress Lisa Lisa, breakfast is ready!" Susie Q's bright, cheerful voice rang out. At the mention of breakfast, Joseph pushed past Lisa Lisa and pounded down the hall, leaving Caesar to finish primping.

Joseph devoured his breakfast in at least four seconds. By the time Caesar had reached the breakfast table, Joseph had already been gone for five minutes. He burst out of the building and ran along the cobbled pathway, eager to start another day of training in Hamon. But when he reached the training pavilion beside the water, he was surprised. Messina was standing on the surface of the water, and he was holding two fishing poles.

"Good morning, Joseph Joestar." Messina tossed him one of the fishing poles. Joseph barely managed to catch it by reflex.

"Why fishing poles?" Joesph looked at the fishing pole quizzically. "Seems weird to me."

Messina sighed. "…You have a one-track mind, don't you? Now I see what Signora Lisa Lisa meant when she told me to give you this lesson. She's noticed that your Hamon seems to waver when you're distracted, meaning that you must concentrate constantly to breathe correctly. Today we will focus on making Hamon breathing second nature. So, come out on the water with me." The man beckoned to Joseph. "Bring your fishing pole."

"Eh?" Joseph sucked in a deep breath. "Well, here goes!" He confidently stepped onto the surface of the water – only to fall straight in. "What the heck?!" he yelped as he pulled himself out of the water. "This is harder than it was before!" His socks squelched inside his waterlogged shoes, and he pulled them off along with this drenched jacket and shirt. "Stupid, aaaaargh!"

"Master Joseph," Messina sighed.
"Yeah, yeah, next you'll say I need to focus, right?" Joseph tried to wring out his socks, water dripping onto the pavement. "Ugh, I've got water in my eyeees!" He scrubbed at his eyes with his knuckles.

"You need to fo- how did you even know that?" Messina asked.

Joseph grinned. "Practice!" He focused his breathing, falling into the natural rhythm the mask provided. Hesitantly, he tapped a toe onto the water, channeling Hamon into his feet. Joseph shifted his weight onto that foot. It held. He took a wobbly step, trying to bring his other foot onto the water, but as soon as that foot left the solid ground, Joseph overbalanced and KERSPLASH! He was in the water again.

"Phwah!" He spat water out of his mouth. "This is hard…I think I'm just going to take a break." Joseph rolled out of the water and onto the flagstones. He stared up at the clouds. "I hate working hard… You know, I was able to do this before when this mask wasn't on my face, but yeah, yeah, can't take it off, Lisa Lisa's orders yada yada whatever." He yawned.

"JoJo!" Caesar approached, rubbing a bar of soap on his arms. "What are you doing lying on the ground like that?!" The blond boy tugged on his headband, tossing the soap aside and casually stepping onto the water. "Sei pigro, JoJo." Loggins strode up behind him, carrying another pair of fishing poles; Caesar accepted one. He calmly flicked his wrist, casting the line easily and gracefully.

Joseph snorted, leaping to his feet. "Show-off!" He jumped onto the water, making a wobbly landing on his toes. "Hah! See! I can do it too!"

"Shut up, Joseph." Caesar flicked a bubble at him.

"Ow! Caesar – WAAUGH!" Splash! Joseph was in the water again. "Geez!" He quickly regained his place on the water's surface, making a face. A fish that was swimming under his feet stared at him oddly. Joseph slowly bent to the side and grabbed his fishing pole. He carefully cast, making sure to steady his breathing. "Yeah! Hey, Caesarino!"

"What is it, Joseph?" Caesar shot him a disgusted look.

"I'm going to catch a fish before you do!" Joseph shouted.

"Fat chance," Caesar muttered. The tip of his line bobbed, and he smirked. "Looks like I've got a bite." He calmly reeled in the line, watching the hook streak through the water. "Feels big." Bending down, he seized the line to lift his catch only to discover that he'd hooked something that was not a fish.

"What in the name of all things holy is this?" he spat. The unidentifiable object was covered in weeds and muck. It was vaguely shaped like a shoe. "Hamon!" Joseph heard the air resonate as Caesar channeled sunlight energy through the soap on his skin, creating a morass of bubbles that engulfed the thing. Globs of mud sloughed off it to reveal a sparkling clean leather boot snagged on Caesar's hook. "Madre di Dio!" Caesar threw the boot over his shoulder.

Joseph sniggered, only to disrupt his breathing and sink a few inches into the water. He indulged in several colorful oaths as he pulled his feet out with a sucking noise reminiscent of swamp mud. "You should have known it wasn't a fish, Caesarino. Fish fight to escape the hook, they don't come straight to you."

"Pah. Like you know a thing about fishing." Caesar snorted.

"I do too – whoa!" Joseph pitched forward as something huge yanked on his line. He hurriedly cranked the reel as the animal he'd hooked struggled valiantly. "See, Caesar!" The fishing pole bent into an alarming curve. "I got one!" The end of the line zigzagged back and forth as Joseph reeled his catch in. He could hear the steel pole groaning; it was about to snap.

"Overdrive!" Joseph shouted. Hamon zipped down the fishing line into the water and killed the creature. Instantly, the line drooped, and Joseph let out a huge sigh. Then he realized that he was sinking again.

"Sighing disrupts your Hamon breathing, idiot!" Caesar yelled.

"Shut up, Caesar!" Joseph yelled back at him. The catch broke the water. It was some odd, blobby, fleshy thing with…tentacles! What is this thing? Hesitantly, Joseph reached out to touch it. It felt squishy and jelly-like, but that was irrelevant. "Nyah! I beat you, see? I got a fish!"

"JoJo." Caesar stared at him with a disgusted look. "That is a squid."

"So?"

"Squid are not fish, JoJo. They are seafood, but they are not fish," Caesar corrected him. "Squid belong to the group of cephalopods, which are marine mollusks, not fish."

"Seffalopeds yourself." Joesph made a face, dropping the squid on the ground with a squelch. "Fine. I'll get another one." He cast again, trying to keep his breathing steady despite his irritation.

In the end, neither Joseph nor Caesar caught a single fish, despite staying out on the lagoon all day. They had forgotten to use bait. The poor squid had simply been drifting by when its tentacle snagged on Joseph's hook. Messina and Loggins, however, brought in a great catch of mackerel and sea bass.