Hey there,
this chapter is mostly aobut miscarriage and pain. If you don't feel comfortable to read this, you might wanna skip some scenes.
TW: Miscarriage, grieving and loss
"Donna!" He kneels beside her, placing a hand gently on her back. "Donna, what's wrong?" he asks, visibly disturbed.
"My—my sto—stomach, my baby," she sobs, clutching her belly even tighter.
"Okay, we're going to the hospital," he says quickly, trying to remain composed for her sake. He helps her onto her knees, but she doubles over in pain, her legs giving way. Without hesitation, he scoops her up and carries her to the car.
"Don't worry, it's going to be okay. I'm right here," he whispers soothingly as she buries her face in his neck. "Everything will be fine," he continues, and though she's overwhelmed with pain and fear, his presence calms her. She wants to believe him—she really does—but deep down, she knows how bad things might be. Clinging to him tightly, she sobs, "I can't lose it again. I can't."
His arms tighten around her. "You won't. It's going to be okay, I promise." As the words leave his mouth, he regrets making a promise he's not sure he can keep, but how else can he reassure her?
Harvey drives in a trance, barely aware of the red lights he's running. His heart aches seeing her in such pain. He wishes more than anything he could take it away from her. Despite everything that's happened, he loves her, and watching her suffer is pure agony. He talks the entire way to the hospital, unsure if his words are comforting or just filling the silence. But he can't bear the quiet.
When they arrive at the hospital, Harvey shouts for help. A young doctor approaches, and he quickly explains what happened—the collapse, her history of miscarriage, and the recent stress. He's unsure what's relevant, but he doesn't want to leave anything out.
"We'll take care of her," the doctor assures him gently, calling for a stretcher. Donna doesn't want to let go of him.
"I'll be right here," he whispers into her ear. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise." Only then does she let go, terrified, as they wheel her away.
Harvey immediately tries calling Ian and Tanner but can't reach them. As he waits, doctors pass by, none of them offering him any information.
"Please, I just need to know if she's okay," he pleads.
The young doctor, who's likely still an associate, gives him a sympathetic look. "I'm really sorry, Mr. Specter," she says softly, "but you're not family."
"But I brought her here."
She shakes her head. "I know, and I hate the rules, but…"
Harvey nods, turning away from her in frustration.
The doctor, Wilson, hesitates for a moment before taking a deep breath. "Mr. Specter," she calls gently, and he turns back toward her. "She's still being treated, but from what you told us—and what we can gather—it doesn't look good." Her voice is barely above a whisper.
Harvey swallows hard. "Thank you," he says with a weak smile that never reaches his eyes.
A few minutes later, Ian arrives.
"Harvey?" he rushes over, panic in his voice. "What happened? How is she?"
"She came to my condo. We—we had a fight, and I threw her out… then she collapsed."
Ian closes his eyes, trying to keep calm. He doesn't want to lash out, knowing the fight had its reasons, but the situation is unbearable.
"How is she?" he asks quietly.
"I don't know… They won't tell me anything, but it doesn't look good, given her history."
Ian searches for someone to give them more information but comes up empty, leaving them with no choice but to wait.
A few moments later, Tanner arrives, followed closely by Mike. They had been in a meeting when they got the news.
"What the hell happened!?" Tanner demands as he storms into the waiting room.
"She just collapsed," Harvey answers, still shaken.
"Just collapsed, huh?" Tanner spits sarcastically, advancing toward Harvey. "What did you do!?" he yells, pushing him against the wall. Harvey, caught off guard, doesn't respond.
"I asked you a question!" Tanner shouts again.
"Tanner!" / "Travis!" Mike and Ian intervene at the same time, pulling him back.
"It's his fault," Tanner rages. "Why was she with you in the first place?"
"She came to my condo," Harvey responds quietly. "She wanted to say goodbye… I'm sorry." The apology only enrages Tanner further.
"Don't you dare say that, you damn asshole!" Tanner lunges at him again, but Ian holds him back.
"Travis, stop," Ian insists, keeping his grip firm. "Now is not the time."
"Why are you defending him? This is your sister—your niece or nephew! If it weren't for him, she wouldn't be here right now!"
"I'm sorry," Harvey repeats, his voice barely audible.
"Yeah, I bet you're happy about this," Tanner shouts, his words cutting deep.
Harvey swallows hard, the accusation hitting him harder than he expected.
"That's enough, Travis," Mike snaps angrily.
"Do you think she'll come back to you? Is that what you're hoping for?" he accuses Harvey approaching him sep by step, ignoring Ian trying to hold him back.
"I swear to god if something happens to my baby, you'll regret it. I'll destroy everything and everyone you care about!" he promises.
"Travis!" Ian snaps "That's enough!"
Harvey can't take it anymore. He rushes outside, needing air. Mike hesitates before running after him.
"Harvey, wait!" Mike calls out, finally catching up.
"Don't listen to him. He's just upset."
"He's right, though. It's my fault," Harvey says, his voice filled with guilt.
"No, it's not," Mike insists. "These things happen."
"No, I should've been calmer. I shouldn't have been so hard on her. I knew she needed rest, but I still—" Harvey stops, his voice breaking.
"Harvey, stop," Mike pleads, meeting his gaze. "Don't do this to yourself. You had every right to throw her out… after everything that happened—"
"No, I didn't. I knew how much she wanted that baby. I could see how much it hurt her too, with us. And I still…" He trails off, unable to continue, turning away from Mike in shame.
"Harvey, Tanner didn't mean it. He's scared, and he needs someone to blame."
"What if he's right?" Harvey turns back to Mike, desperation in his teary eyes. "What if I wanted this deep down and I'm just too much of a coward to admit it?"
"Harvey," Mike says softly, stepping closer and placing his hands on Harvey's shoulders.
"That's not true." he urges to tell him
"How d'you wanna know that?" he asks sadly.
"Becaue, I know you. Because everyone who does knows you'd never want that. Because you wouldn't be this devastated right now if you wanted it. I could go on with hundred other reasons" Mike squeezes his shoulders reassuringly.
"Let's just wait and hope for the best, okay?" Harvey nods, walking over to a nearby bench.
"Do you want to be alone?" Mike asks, but Harvey shakes his head. "No," he whispers, and Mike sits down beside him.
"That wasn't fair," Ian finally speaks up after a long silence in the waiting room.
"It was the truth," Tanner mutters.
"No, it wasn't. We all knew this could happen, and I love Donna more than anything, but Harvey had every right to kick her out."
"He should've been more careful with her. Gentler. And now… I could lose my child," Tanner says, his voice breaking.
"I understand you're scared, so am I, but you need to get a grip. He's worried too."
"I don't care how he feels. That's my wife in there, my child. He's no one." Tanner's voice is laced with anger. "I always knew you didn't like me. I tried, but I never thought you'd side with a man who's responsible for something like this!"
"You better stop, Travis, because—"
"Excuse me," Dr. Wilson approaches, and they both fall silent. "How is she?" Ian asks anxiously.
"She's alright. We've given her something to help her relax, and she's still asleep, but she should wake up soon."
"And the baby?" Tanner's voice wavers with fear.
Dr. Wilson looks at him sadly and shakes her head. "I'm so sorry, but Mrs. Pausen has miscarried."
Tanner swallows hard, tears streaming down his face. "No…"
"It was due to chromosomal abnormalities. This is common in the first trimester, and there's nothing anyone could have done to prevent it."
"She had too much stress," Tanner murmurs.
"Rest is important, but this wasn't caused by stress," Dr. Wilson assures him gently. "She should take it easy for the next few days, especially given her history. It's important she has time to process this."
"Of course," Tanner replies quietly. "Can I see her?"
"Yes, but please, keep things calm."
Tanner nods. "Does she know yet?"
"Yes, that's why we gave her something to help her relax," the doctor explains softly.
Mike and Harvey sit silently on the bench, barely speaking, but Harvey feels deeply grateful for his friend's presence. Though Mike can't change the situation, just having him there makes it easier to face.
"Thank you," Harvey finally says.
"For what?"
"For being here. You don't have to. It's cold, and I know Lucy was waiting for you."
"You don't need to thank me… ever. We're friends and this goes without saying." he tells him softly. "And Lucy, she understands you're not feeling well. She even asked if she could come with me."
Harvey smiles. "She's the best thing that's happened to us."
"You're saying it," Mike replies with a smile. Just then, Harvey's phone rings.
"It's Ian," Harvey says, hesitating as a flood of questions fills his mind: 'Did she lose it?'; 'Is she okay?'; 'Is she mad at me?'; 'Does she blame me?'; 'Does she hate me?'
"Should I answer?" Mike asks, noticing his hesitation.
"No," Harvey shakes his head, clearing his thoughts before accepting the call.
"Ian?"
Mike doesn't need to hear Ian's words—Harvey's expression says it all.
"Thank you," Harvey mutters before hanging up. Even though Mike already knows, Harvey feels the need to say it.
"She lost it," Harvey says, swallowing hard, his eyes welling with tears.
"I'm so sorry," Mike places a hand on his back.
"She'll hate me," Harvey says quietly and shaking.
"No, she won't. She could never hate you."
"I'm the reason she lost the baby, Mike. How could she not hate me?"
"Because she loves you, because she knows she messed up, and you had every right to pull back—though you didn't. And she knows you never wanted this to happen."
"How can you be so sure?" he asks not understing his friends certainity.
"Because I know," Mike says gently. "Now, let's go check on her."
"Yeah, okay."
When they reach Donna's door, Travis steps out.
"What are you doing here?" he shouts.
"How is she?" Harvey asks, ignoring the outburst.
"None of your business. Now, leave."
"Tanner, I—"
"I don't care what you have to say. She's my wife. Leave, or I'll make you."
"Enough, Tanner!" Mike snaps. "I get that this is terrible, and I'm sorry for what happened, but you have no right to speak to him like that."
Ian emerges. "What's going on here? My sister just lost her baby, and she's grieving. She needs rest, not idiots fighting over nothing. Get your act together—for her!"
"I don't want him here, and it's important to me. It's about my wife and my child," Travis insists.
"You know how I meant it," Ian retorts. He turns to Harvey. "You can stay." he says looking at Harvey.
"No, it's fine," Harvey says sadly. "You're right. She needs rest, and I'm not family. I'll visit another time." He leaves, and though Mike wants to follow, Harvey asks to be left alone.
When Travis enters Donna's room, she wakes up.
"Hey," he says softly, sitting on the edge of her bed. "How are you feeling?" he asks, stroking her cheek.
She immediately starts crying. "I lost it again, Travis," she sobs, pulling him into a hug.
"I'm so sorry," he whispers, holding her tight as his own tears fall. "I know how much you wanted this."
"We," she corrects him. "How much we wanted this. It's my fault. I should have been more careful."
"No, Donna, don't do that," he says, cupping her face. "It's not your fault. Dr. Wilson said this happens often in the first trimester."
"I was too stressed, too careless—"
"You were, but losing the baby isn't because of that," he assures her, though deep down, he's not entirely convinced. Still, he doesn't want to upset her further. If it's anyone's fault, it's Harvey's.
"You're not mad at me?"
"Of course not," he lies, though a small part of him does blame her. Maybe if she hadn't started something with Harvey, things would have been different. He tries to push the thought away.
"Is Harvey here?" she asks.
"No," Travis answers coldly. 'Why is she asking about him now?'
"Travis, I chose you. But Harvey was there, he brought me here. I'm pretty sure he's going to lose his license because of it," she explains, noticing his confusion.
"Yeah, sure. I told him to leave."
"What? Why?"
"Because you're my wife, and he doesn't belong in our lives anymore."
"He's…" she starts but pauses. 'What is Harvey now? A friend? Someone who saved her life?'
"He's what?" Travis presses.
"A friend," she finishes, though Travis remains unconvinced.
"I don't care."
Donna looks at him. "Please tell me you didn't blame him."
"What if I did?"
"I thought we agreed it wasn't anyone's fault."
"Donna, just let it go. I don't want to fight about him. He's caused enough damage, don't you think?"
"It's not his fault," she insists. "He just… fell in love with the wrong person."
"You sound sad about that."
"I'm sad because I hurt someone who didn't deserve it. That's what I regret. Now, let's not talk about this anymore."
"Fine."
Harvey sits in his office, staring at his phone. He opens the message screen with Donna's name, typing "Are you okay?" only to delete it over and over again. He's afraid to send it, afraid she won't reply. 'Do I even have the right to text her? Does she want to hear from me?' As he goes to delete it one last time, his thumb accidentally hits 'send.'
"No," he mutters aloud, but it's too late.
Donna lies in bed, crying quietly as she recalls the loss. Her hand rests on her stomach, knowing the little miracle is gone. "You'll always have a place in my heart," she whispers. Her thoughts are interrupted by a buzz—Harvey.
"Are you okay?" she reads, a small smile forming despite everything. How much she wishes he were there, to lean on, to feel his warmth. "Get a grip, Donna," she scolds herself. "You're with Travis." She gathers herself and types, "Yeah, I'm fine… as fine as I can be." She sends the message.
Both Harvey and Donna call each other at the same time, only to get each other's voicemail. For some reason, they both feel a strange sense of relief. Harvey tries again.
"Hey," she answers.
"Hey," he responds softly. Silence lingers for a moment.
"How are you?" he asks.
"I'm hurt and sad and…" she trails off.
"I'm sorry," he says gently, his voice affecting her more than she expected.
"It's not your fault, Harvey," she says with a shaky voice. "I knew this could happen."
"Yeah, but it doesn't make it any easier."
"No, it doesn't," she agrees.
"Harvey, I know I don't deserve it, but… would you stay on the line for a bit?"
"Of course," he says, staying until she falls asleep.
"Good night, Donna," he whispers before hanging up.
The next day Tanner goes to pick Donna up, since she's free to go.
"You talked to him? Why?" Tanner snaps.
"Because he's worried, and I needed to tell him not to blame himself," Donna replies.
"It's his fault! Why are you defending him?" Tanner shouts.
"It's not," Donna retorts. "He trusted me; he wanted to be with me, and I hurt him—more than once. You have no idea how painful it is to know that the one person you trusted most in the world betrayed you."
"So you keep saying, but you haven't forgiven me, have you?"
"I have… but I know how it feels. I begged him to forgive me, and when he did, I hurt him again."
"If it weren't for him, our child would still be here," he snaps.
"So you're blaming me for this," she states.
"No, not you—him."
"There's no difference. I hid our marriage; I didn't tell him. He thought—"
"I don't care what he thought."
"You think if I hadn't started something with him, this wouldn't have happened?"
"That's not what I said."
"Goddamn it, just admit it!" Donna shouts.
"Yeah, Donna, this is exactly what I think. You want to hear it that badly? Here it is: Yeah, maybe we'd still have our baby if you hadn't had all that stress. If you hadn't been so involved with him. If you had just done what you told me you would do when you headed toward New York: think about us."
"Get the hell out of here!" Ian yells, entering the room.
"Ian, no," Donna pleads.
"Yes!" he fires back. "Out!" He points to the door angrily, and Tanner leaves.
"Goddamn idiot," Tanner mutters. "First Harvey, and now you. If he hadn't betrayed you, you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place."
"Ian," Donna says softly. "I forgave him; this is over."
"Maybe you have, but I haven't."
"What about Harvey?" she changes the subject. "Is he okay?"
"No, he's not. And after what Travis threw at his head... probably even worse."
"I want to see him."
"Donna, you should rest."
"Please, is he at the firm?"
"Look, he just called. He's been here the whole time yesterday, but this idiot didn't want to let him in, and then he left. Dr. Wilson just said you can leave but emphasized how important it is for you to rest. You can see him another time… please," he adds, seeing the concern in his sister's eyes.
"Okay," she agrees, seeing the worry etched on her brother's face.
Ian calls Harvey to ask him to come over.
"Yeah, sure, Ian." Harvey agrees to visit her "And she really doesn't blame me?" he asks, still unsure if he can believe him.
"She doesn't," he confirms softly "No one does... at least no one whose opinion counts" he adds.
"Thank you, Ian" Harvey says before hanging up.
"Hey," Harvey smiles at Donna as he enters her bedroom.
"Harvey," she replies, surprised. "You came."
"Yeah, Ian said you wanted to see me."
She nods. "Thank you for coming."
"Are you okay?" he asks worriedly.
"No," she shakes her head and starts crying on the spot.
"Hey, hey," he immediately sits on the bed, pulling her into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry,"
"I wanted it so bad" she sobs, snuggling closer to him.
"I know, I know," he whispers, holding her tightly. They stay like that for a while, allowing her to let it all out.
"Hey," he gently pulls her back. His heart aches as he sees her expression; there's nothing left but sorrow.
"One day you'll have your baby, and you'll be the best mom in the world. I know how painful this is for you, and I know you don't believe me right now, but you'll see," he smiles at her. "It'll come just like that."
She doesn't believe it, though. Her mind won't allow that thought to take root; it hurts too much. Each time she hoped, it ended in pain. But still, a part of her wants to believe him, wants to feel that flicker of hope. She never imagined she would meet someone who could make her feel—if only a little—and give her hope like he does. She keeps looking at him, this bond between them, almost unbearable and she leans in for a kiss. Before her lips can touch his, he pulls back and then she remembers Tanner.
"I am sorry" Donna apologizes "Thanks for coming"
He quickly gets up. "Yeah, sure," he replies, turning to leave.
"Harvey," she calls after him. She hasn't told him everything she meant to.
"Ian told me what happened between Travis and you."
"It's okay, Donna. He was right. Don't worry about it."
"He wasn't," she counters firmly. "It was bullshit. He blames both of us because he thinks if we hadn't… he thinks it was also because of the stress. He snapped at you because he's hurt and he needs someone to blame... he'll calm down again.
"Yeah, I get him. I'd react the same way"
"You're too good for this world," she responds. "I just want you to know that I don't think that. I don't blame you—not for a second. In fact, I'm grateful you were there, that you brought me to the hospital, that you calmed me down. I know it didn't seem like it, but your presence and your words during the drive meant more to me than you'll ever know."
"Your flight, do you already know when..."
Donna nods "in two days" she tells him and he nods.
"Harvey I- I can't leave him.. not after..."
He shakes his head "No need for explanation Donna, you made your choice days ago. It's over"
"Will I see you again?" She asks, she can't bear the of never seeing him ever again, she wants to ask him to meet one more time, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after, but she has no right to.
"No, I don't think so" he tells her and she nods.
"okay" she tells him sadly. "I understand, I am grateful you came at all... after everything. I just needed to tell you that I don't blame you. And you should blaming yourself" she tells him softly but firmly.
"I thought you might hate me," he admits, and she looks shocked.
"Hate you?" she shakes her head. "I could never hate you. I lo—" She stops short. They hold each other's gaze for a few moments. And she speaks up again, acting like nothing happened.
"I just wanted to say that the doctors said it was chromosomal abnormalities, which you probably already know."
"Yeah, Ian told me,"
Donna smiles softly. "He doesn't like Travis; he never did."
Harvey chuckles. "I feel like no one but you does."
She chuckles in response. "Yeah, I know. But he's not as bad as everyone thinks. Ian never liked him for some reason. He didn't want me to go back to him… he was Team Harvey." As she realizes what she just said, her expression turns into shock, looking at him, immediately regrets saying it. 'Why did I say that?' she thinks angrily to herself. 'Haven't you hurt him enough?!" she yells to herself madly in thoughs. 'God, I can't think clearly when he's around.'
"I'm sorry; I shouldn't—"
"No need to be sorry, Donna. it's your right to choose with whom you wanna be" he tells her lovely. I just- I wish you would've been Team Harvey, too." he says and Donna's breath cuts in her through. "Goodbye Donna" He tells her and then turns to leave.
Hey there,
I know how sad this one was and that story is sad in general and I can't promise it'll change next time. I hope you'll enjoying it anyway.
I hope the topic about Donna's miscarriage was written gentle and I didn't hurt anyone with it.
Would love to know what you think.
Have a nice time
