Chapter 249 – Dee and Doug Share (short)
As Jack disappeared upstairs, Doug turned to Dee.
"So what is going on?" Doug asked.
"You said you were injured." Dee said. "As you were recovering or anytime after, did you struggle with getting excited?"
"Can I safely assume this would be around the ladies?" Doug asked.
Dee nodded as he blushed a deep red. Doug thought for a moment. Then stood up and motioned for Dee to follow him.
"I think there is something that you need to see to fully understand what I went through." Doug said as he walked the short distance to the bedroom.
"Okay." Dee said. "All you mentioned was that you knew the pain that Jack went through and you had been severely beaten. I also saw a few scars on your lower back one time, but I didn't feel I could ask you about them. I figured if you wanted me to know what happened, you would tell me."
Doug shut the door and quickly striped his clothes off. Dee gasped and sank back into the bed as the extent of Doug's scars became visible. They went from his shoulder blades all the way down to his knees. There were scars that looked like they wrapped around to the front and when Doug turned around, Dee's thoughts were confirmed.
"I was beaten every day over the course of a month." Doug said. "When I finally got away, the wounds were infected and it took weeks for me to recover and several more months for me to move without pain. As you can see I was also beat about the genital area."
Doug pulled his pants back up and then slipped his henley back on. He then opened the door, took the chair and straddled it looking at Dee.
"I take it that something similar happened to you when you were beaten in Cape Fullerton." Doug said.
Dee nodded.
"The doctors flat out told me I would never function normally again." Doug said. "I was devastated. The one thing that I had wanted while growing up was to be a husband and father. I had a hard time even using the water closet for months and that excited feeling you are talking about. Well I didn't even think about that. I was a teenager when this happened to me, so it was even more devastating. Before I had been beaten, I would wake up hard most mornings, which I have since learned is quite normal of young men.
My point being it was two years of nothing and then one day, I saw a beautiful young woman swimming in a lake when I was out riding. She wasn't wearing a bathing costume and without warning, that excited feeling returned. I spoke to the doctor that I had been seeing and who I trusted. He said he had no explanation for it. All he could say was that my body obviously healed itself and to enjoy it. For me, I think it was as much mental as it was physical, since the beating of the genital region was to humiliate me when the ranch foreman caught me looking at his daughter."
"And you haven't had a problem since?" Dee asked.
"No." Doug said. "Not that I have been with a woman, but that doesn't mean I haven't been excited as you said."
"So there is hope that things will get better for me." Dee said.
"There is always hope." Doug said. "From what you said, it hasn't even been a year."
"True." Dee said.
"So, my question is why is it a problem now?" Doug asked.
"There had been some comments made about me settling down." Dee said. "Or I bet he has a string of young ladies."
"But there is a young lady." Doug said.
"Yes." Dee said. "Annie. I want to marry her, but I had thought it was unfair if I couldn't be with her that way and potentially not give her children. I have pulled back since my return to Hamilton because there was no excitement when I saw her when I first returned. Before we left this time, she asked me to think about what I wanted and to let her know when I returned. I know that she wants to be with me, but I wasn't sure it was fair."
"Let me ask you this." Doug said. "Do you love her?"
"Yes, but." Dee said.
"No but." Doug said. "Do you love her and imagine a future with her?"
"Yes." Dee said.
"Then you need to talk to her." Doug said. "Explain what happened and you don't know what the future holds, but you still love her and want a future with her if she is still willing."
"Frank pretty much said the same thing." Dee said. "He had suggested that I try to encourage that excited feeling and I couldn't even do that."
"I know exactly what he was talking about." Doug said. "That was suggested to me as well, and it still took over a year after I was physically healed before I even had the slightest reaction."
"When I was out at the hunters cabin this afternoon." Dee said. "After almost an hour, I felt the first twinges of excitement, but nothing more."
Dee hung his head as he felt ashamed to admit what he had done. Doug reached out and put his hand on Dee's shoulder.
"That is better than I was able to do." Doug said. "Cut yourself some slack. If you can get that at this point, I have faith that the rest will come with time."
"Really?" Dee asked.
"Of course." Doug said. "Give yourself some time. I wouldn't be concerned as you aren't even a year out. I also think based on what I saw last night that it might be as much mental with you as well. So relax and when you get back, find a time and place to speak to Annie. I have a feeling that she might be more understanding than you give her credit for. She obviously loves you and just remember, there are other ways to have a family."
"Alright." Dee said. "I will try to quit stressing about it."
"So do you have a ring?" Doug asked.
"Yes." Dee said. "Want to see it?"
"You have it here?" Doug asked.
"It has been hidden in a pouch I sewed into my messenger bag for months." Dee said. "I had it before I was attacked and it was in my room but my mother almost found it and I didn't want them to know."
"Yes, I want to see it." Doug said.
Dee stood up and grabbed his messenger bag and then sat back down. He worked to undo the lacing that held the pouch closed and then he pulled out a small velvet bag and handed it Doug. Doug opened and dumped the ring into his hand.
"It is amazing." Doug said.
"She was telling me about this ring that her grandmother had and how her father had to sell it." Dee said. "I went to a jeweler I knew and described the ring to him and showed him the drawings that I had done based on what Annie had told me. I had shown Annie the drawing and said if you can't have the ring, maybe a drawing of it would make you feel better. She said that the drawing was so real that it looked exactly like what her grandmother's ring looked like. So I had my jeweler friend recreate the ring. He nailed it and I want to give this to Annie and ask her to be my wife. I just thought it was unfair given what happened."
"No matter what." Doug said. "You need to give this ring to her. This must have cost a fortune to have made."
"She is worth it." Dee said, smiling.
"Then give yourself a break." Doug said. "Focus on what needs to be done here and when you get back to Hamilton then you need to sit down and talk to her. But I will tell you that you might surprise yourself. If you work through some of the things that triggered that panic attack last night you might find that excitement returns without you doing anything."
"I will try." Dee said.
Doug put the ring back in the pouch and handed it back to Dee.
"I suggest that you put that back and keep it safe." Doug said. "Maybe have a conversation with your parents on the way back to Hamilton as well. You don't have to tell them about the ring, but I think that they know that you like this Annie. So it might be nice to let them know that you have been struggling and plan to talk to Annie and see if there is a way forward. I bet that they would be happy for you."
"You think?" Doug said.
"Your mother seems like a wonderful person and I am sure that she just wants her little boy to be happy." Doug said in a teasing tone.
"I am not little." Dee retorted.
"To her you will always be her little boy." Doug said. "At least that is what my mother says."
Dee just shook his head.
"So, do you want to crash or go over more paperwork?" Doug asked.
"If you want to look at more paperwork." Dee said. "Feel free. There are a couple stacks in my messenger bag. I was physically and emotionally spent before I stepped foot in the house this evening."
"Then get some sleep." Doug said. "I am not tired."
"I will." Dee said. "Don't stay up all night."
Doug stuck his tongue out at Dee, grabbed the messenger back and headed back to the kitchen. Dee closed the door and got ready for bed. He prayed and then crawled on his cot, promptly falling asleep.
