Anna checks her phone again. Still no wifi. And her mobile data's all screwed up from the move to Arendelle College. It used to work in California. She'd be able to call her mother whenever she wanted and message her friends and post pictures of the sunrise on Instagram. And yet, days after that five hour flight, every little task still feels mired in jelly. Like she's held down by a swathe of blankets. Or she is. Oh, get out of bed, you - what time is it?

A ray of sunshine lights her dorm room when she shifts the curtain. There're students already streaming off to class. Little ants criss-crossing the lime-green quadrangle of a colony she voluntarily signed up to lose herself in. Anna clambers out of bed and marches off the five paces to her bedroom door. She makes an about-turn on her heels and notes the straight line to the window. If a fire ever breaks out, or some deranged school shooter starts killing people. There's always a path of egress she can count on. A latch she can undo in a hurry. A single storey leap she probably won't break her legs on.

Her heart gives a little jump when a door creaks. She edges her head into the two-bedroom dorm and breathes again at Belle in the kitchen - microwaving a bowl of oatmeal.

"I hope you're not planning on sleeping in throughout the semester," Belle quips - not looking over her shoulder, "Or do I have to get in there and shake your ass awake everyday?"

A shudder goes through Anna at the thought of someone storming into her room and yanking her awake each morning.

"No - I mean, much appreciated, but I-I don't think that's going to be a thing," Anna shakes the sleep from her head, "I'm still getting used to the time difference."

Belle turns and sneers at her through the gap, "What, like three hours? We're still in the same country y'know-"

"Did you manage to get the-"

"Yup!" Belle points at the paper slip on the table, "They activated the goddamned wifi."

"Oh finally!" Anna cheers. She grabs the password and washes her face. Connecting each one of her devices to the college network. Without a second to spare, Anna dials her mother. Realizing a moment too late that her door's wide open. Leave it, god - Belle's not gonna kill you.

A scarf lies on her pillow. Faded lilac cross-hatch pattern. She brings it to her nose and inhales deeply - filling her lungs with her mother's fragrance. The scent of home. A dial tone rings. The scarf bunches within her fingers as she pulls it close to her chest. Right before the call connects, Anna notices her reflection in the mirror and turns away before she can recognise that forlorn look.

"Mom!" Anna chirps, "I'm sorry for taking so long to call you back. Oh shit! I forgot you're three hours behind, what time is-"

"No, no!" Iduna's voice sounds raspy with sleep, "I've to get going for work anyway - are you settling down well at college?"

No I'm not.

"I am! Classes don't start until next week though, but they've assigned our rooms and I'm staying with a girl called Belle from Arizona and she's a total blast."

Anna looks over her shoulder at Belle flashing a thumbs-up before leaving for class. She waits for the door to click shut.

"That sounds great, sweetie - how's the school? Do you feel safe? Are you making friends?"

The words tick by in Anna's head before she mouths out an inconsequential, "Yea everything's just rosy, don't worry about me."

A moment of silence goes by so thick with dread that she can hear Iduna holding her breath. See her grind her forehead into her palm.

"I know you'll do great," the raspy voice comes back, "this is a new beginning for you."

Like hell it is.

"I know."

"Did you check out that counsellor? I passed you the contact-"

"Mom-"

"Anna," the voice seethes back, "I want you to get better. I want us to get better. You deserve this."

She looks down at the quadrangle. At the little ants marching to and fro. Trails of humans she could get lost in. How many of them have counsellors? How many of them have gone through what she has?

"Ok. I will."

"Promise me."

"Yes, mom, I promise."

"That's my girl."

A little well of longing builds within her chest and she shuts her eyes against the feeling before it spills. It's useless. A single tear leaks down her cheek and she's glad it's not a video call. Anna sucks in another breath laced with the scent of her mother's warm hands, trying not to let it show in her voice.

"God, mom, I just-" Anna wipes the tear away, "I could really use a hug right now."

"Oh, Anna," Iduna whispers back - and she can hear the snivel, "I love you more than anything in the world."

Anna stays still and silent. Before she whispers it back.

"Now get outta here," Iduna chuckles, "I gotta get the car to the workshop."

A huge breath leaves her lungs when she hangs up. She accidentally catches sight of her reddened eyes again in the mirror. The frustration boils over and Anna yanks the shoulder-width dressing table mirror off its brackets and sets it against the wall facing away. Slumping back into the chair and feeling her heart settle when she stares back at a white brick wall. No reflections. Just a plain, unthreatening whitewashed wall. A new beginning.

And yet, the next thing she does with the college wifi is enter a single location into Google Maps.

San Quentin State Prison

The address reads back: 100 Main St, San Quentin, California 94964

She keys in directions to "Arendelle College". It'd take a person 50 hours to get here by road. Two days, effectively.

An academic calendar pinned to a corkboard shows 445 days left until graduation.

Anna looks at the five paces between her bedroom door and the window. And suddenly the room appears smaller than it ought to be.


A flash of colours greets her when she comes across that hive of letterboxes at the dorm reception. Annoyance bristles through Anna's skin when she notices her letterbox has ANNA MILLER labeled next to BELLE MONTREUX. Bright rainbow colours. Flowers and butterflies adorn her name. The blasted RA must've done this. Anna grits her teeth and scrapes off her surname with the point of a key. Just ANNA remains in red lettering. The ugly scratch marks next to her name piss her off even more, and she keys away the rest. Leaving Belle with a nameless roommate. Unknown and invisible.

She nearly makes it out the front door when it slams in her face. Missing her nose by inches. A rancorous chorus of shouting flattens her against the wall - and her eyes shoot wide open at two burly guys bundling through. They're huge. Shoulders spanning the doorway. Faces reddened in horseplay as one leaps on the back of the other.

"Woah, woah, easy there guys - you nearly killed me-"

Her lungs strain. Before she realises she's forgotten to breathe. Forgotten about the binder dropped to the floor. The dread settles in her stomach like a lead weight when she picks it up and dusts herself off. Eyes fixed on the guys as they trundle up the stairway out of sight. How long are you going to live like this?

The rest of the day passes in a blur as she tries her best to do what she came here for: getting herself hopelessly lost in College. Her to-do list ticks off one task at a time. She picks up textbooks at the bookstore, before realising she should've left that for last. The books wear down on her petite frame as she explores the sprawling campus. She imagines the weight fraying away at her backpack. And soon she wonders whether her shoulders are fraying away too. There's a glimmer of hope when she hits up the various student clubs luring freshmen to join. Sororities and sports clubs and musical groups. Colourful banners on the quadrangle and excited conversations and for the first time in forever, she feels her spirit lift. Everyone appears eager to talk to her, even if it's just for a pasing moment.

Her hope proves short-lived. The marching band ran out of trombone slots. Drama doesn't even take in freshmen anymore (they just want to sell tickets to their play). Even the Acapella group only has space for guys. Isn't it safer if she doesn't engage in all these extra-curriculars? Bury her head in books and achieve grades worthy enough for a mother to be proud of? Then again, she knows her mother was never a stickler for grades. Iduna wouldn't be half as proud of her being on the Dean's list as she would be if she managed to move on from what's happened in her life. And yet here she is, walking around with a bag full of books and still feeling so hopelessly stuck.

The thought of disappointing her mother puts one last reminder into her head. With no other reason to put this off, Anna reaches into the pocket of her skinny jeans and retrieves that card that's been burning a hole in her soul the whole time. She swallows the rest of her meagre hotdog lunch, and dials the counsellor's number.


Her whitened hands won't go warmer no matter how much she rubs them. Is it the thermostat? Or the fact she's staring down an impending freight train with horns blaring and about to run her flat? Standing on rails she voluntarily walked onto. Anna tries not to look at the counsellor's receptionist in her white tank top and shorts. Guess they take casual Fridays seriously in New York.

"Ms Miller? Dr Robinson will see you now."

Robinson.

Anna pauses on the doorknob. The knot tightens around her chest. A new beginning. She resists the urge to sigh too loudly in relief when Dr Robinson turns out to be a woman. Curly brown hair threaded with silver. Eyes with pools of wisdom swimming behind dark-rimmed glasses. She motions for the girl to sit. A warmth glows behind her hand when she shakes it, with a smile that reminds her of her mother's when she was a kid. And the couch feels like an infinitely warm and deep cushion of softness she could sink into forever.

This freight train, so far, looks about as threatening as a dead locomotive parked in a rail yard.

"Ms Miller, we've checked through your records," Robinson's voice sounds feather-light, drifting through the room's silence, "and you've paid for this session with a grant transfer from another State Government, but it doesn't say which agency. Would you mind telling us the name of the organisation disbursing this grant, for our records?"

Anna looks at her interlaced fingers. A shiver passes through her hands again, and her eyes wander to Dr Robinson's feet in flipflops. She sucks in a deep breath.

"California Department of Public Health," Anna looks at the carpet and forces the words out her tangled throat, "Blue Shield Domestic Violence Prevention Fund."

Dr Robinson scribbles the information down, before shifting closer.

"It's ok, Anna," her voice goes marshmallow soft, "you're safe here. With me. I'm here to help you."

Anna realises it's her first time revealing this to another human being. It comforts her. It terrifies her. It spreads a burning heat behind her face that she fights off with teeth pinching into her lips. She wonders if Robinson can pick out the shaking in her chest. Her questions are answered when she changes the topic with a light, cheery tone.

"So! First week of college, new town, new friends. I hope. How's all that working out for you?"

She allows a smile to creep onto her face. Lowering that armor defending her vulnerabilities. Her soft, tender heart left beating on the table. Anna knows she'll pay the price for it later. But for now, goddamn - is she just happy to talk to another human being without putting on a front.

It could be better.

I've made a few friends, less than I hoped.

My roommate seems to hate me.

I couldn't get into the extracurriculars I wanted.

Yes, it's bothering me, I was hoping to have something to get lost in, to take my mind off stuff.

And Dr Robinson responds with everything Anna expects she'd say to a Freshman

Take your time.

The best friendships are grown over years, not days.

A new beginning means an opportunity to try something you've never done in high school.

Get plenty of fresh air and exercise.

At the last piece of advice, Anna recalls her sore shoulders and wheezing lungs hauling her textbooks upstairs. Yea I probably need to start working out.

"So, Anna - what made you choose Arendelle College?"

She looks up at Robinson. The freight train's started up now, diesel exhaust flooding the air.

"I wanted to go to a college that was the absolute furthest from my home."

"College is a time for discovering yourself, so I can see why you've made this decision," Robinson tells her, "were you ever worried about how the distance might affect your relationship with your parents?"

Her heart's thumping so hard now. A clock ticks behind her. Anna wonders if she can time her heartbeat to match the ticking. Too fast.

"My mother supports my decision, heck, she encouraged me to move as far as possible - I still called her this morning, it's only a three hour difference."

"That's great to hear! How about your father?"

A train whistles. Choo-choo motherfucker. Bright lights glare down on her. She freezes, eyes wide open at the impending destruction.

"I'm not really close to him. So it's fine."

"Why aren't you close to him?"

Anna digs her nails into the couch. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Her eyes flutter shut. The right side of her face goes numb.

"He's, um, in prison."

"What is he in prison for?"

In the back of her mind, Anna hears a scream. She doesn't know who's voice it is. She sees red and blue flashing lights and feels the cold breeze of pouring rain. An ambulance siren wails. Her eyes barely register Dr Robinson reaching for something behind her - and it's not until she opens it again when she sees a box of tissues held under her eyes. And the damp spot of tears she's left on the carpet.

The realisation seeps into her like her mother's words from this morning. New beginning. The train runs her over flat. Blood spills from all the pores on her limbs as she seethes out the words.

"Do you even want to know what my father did to me?"


It's only a few sobby tears she shed. And yet the sensation drains all the life out of her - leaving an empty, hollow husk with nothing left inside. Spilling her memories to Dr Robinson hadn't proved to be as cathartic as she thought it would. Like eating spoiled sushi and dry-retching into the concrete sidewalk. The poison's still there. And now you've to contend with the sputtery threads of saliva dangling from your mouth and a dozen passerbys staring at you. Likewise, she avoids the other students' glares into her reddened eyes and heads straight back to her dorm room. Fully intending to eat some ramen noodles and watch Netflix. At least she'd get that part of college life right.

Belle's not around when she returns. A dark, empty apartment welcomes her - with only the sunset's gold streaks streaming through her window. It illuminates the reversed mirror she'd yanked off this morning. Her laptop still tethers her all the way back to California and its damaged memories. The pile of textbooks she'd huffed and puffed to haul up the stairs. A cabinet full of clothes and yet failing to fill this emptiness inside her. A sense of dissatisfaction brims within Anna's soul and she walks out the apartment. Not knowing what she's looking for until she reaches the Arendelle Sports Centre.

Get some fresh air. Get some exercise.

Student ID in hand, she purses her lips and enters the five-storey concrete building. Maybe there'd be a gym she could use over the weekend. Or a pool that could drown her every hang-up and fear. Maybe they serve healthy food that isn't some permutation of burgers, pizza, hotdogs and nachos. Squeaking basketball shoes echo in her ears as she walks past five games going on at once. All laughing and having a great time and not taunting her for being the only girl alone. There's a pool in the basement at least. Olympic-sized. Complete with coaches and loudhailers hurling insults at the College team. The students all appear twice their usual size here, lugging around sports bags and smelling like sweat and deodorant. She backs herself against the walls more than once to let them pass through the narrow corridors. The annoyance leads her to the stairwell and she cranes her head at the directory, looking for a gym she could visit.

GYM: LEVEL 3

No elevators.

Even with nothing but a hoodie on her back, Anna still manages to be out of breath when she reaches the third floor. Only to be confronted by the Gym.

Two guys punching each other in a boxing ring. Another pair of gruff-looking dudes whale away at the heavy bags. A timer on the wall beeps incessantly. The hair on her arms stand on end as she sees each punch thrown. Each grunt. Each spray of sweat and squeak of their shoes. And mirrors. Flanking the entire gym. It's a boxing gym.

She shudders a step back. As though she's stumbled upon a lair with a sleeping dragon just waking up. Until she bumps into one right behind her. Her heart lurches into her mouth at the light-haired guy, at least a head taller. He smells of leather and Axe body spray. His brown eyes light up with a smile. And it does nothing to stop her heart still pounding in her jaw.

"Yo, I'm Kristoff, you must be looking to join the boxing programme-"

"No, no," Anna mouths back, shifting away from his presence but finding the door blocked by the sheer size of his shoulders, "I-I mean, I'm looking for the gym."

"You found it!" he chirps, pointing over her shoulder, "The boxing gym!"

"Well, actually, I meant a real gym, like a fitness centre-"

"This is a real gym. What're you looking to do? Lift weights? Run on a treadmill?" Kristoff points at the equipment lumped in the corner, "We've got all these things here-"

"Yea, no, I mean yes - but not-"

Her hand jerks in a violent shudder when he lifts her student ID towards his gentle gaze.

"Look, Anna Miller," Kristoff's voice softens, "I gotta be honest with you - I'm really trying to get as many Freshmen to join the boxing programme, and so far it's been a complete dud. If I don't get at least one by the end of this week, I might lose my coaching position here and it's already Friday."

"That sounds awful, um, Mr Kristoff, but you know what? I'm not actually looking to join - I mean I really was looking for-"

A sudden flash of gold passes between them. The faint scent of vanilla shuts her up. Anna looks at the source - a blonde girl. Teeth gritted. Wearing the same Arendelle College hoodie as her. She dumps her duffel bag in the corner and gives a couple of cursory fist bumps to the guys. There's scarcely a trace of emotion on her perfect features as she takes a skipping rope and heads off to the corner of the mirrored gym. And starts skipping. No pauses. No looking over her shoulder. Unfazed and unchallenged.

Anna couldn't stare harder if she tried.

Two blonde reflections glare back at the girl. Two copies of that gorgeous face, stoic with grim determination. And she stares at them like she's going to kill them both.

Kristoff starts talking again, but only a faint mumble enters her ears. Something about Elsa Williams. Freshman like you. Boxer from high school. The only words that make sense to Anna right now are Beautiful. Strong. Fearless. The way she doesn't give a fuck about anything. Or anyone.

She's still skipping in the corner when Anna's senses swim back around her. The rope's ticking in time with the thumping in her chest.

Each tick sends her closer to the realisation that she wants to be like her.

Kristoff's voice floats into her ear once more, "So, would you be interested in joining the Arendelle College Boxing Programme? It's one of the most-"

"Yes," Anna nods, swallowing the last trace of apprehension in her throat, "I think I'll give it a shot."