It had been another month of useless prattling, but I did go on a few dates with Tamlin. On one of them, I got what I really wanted. I would read as he laid in my lap, but he did not smile, and I felt the worry in his power as I laid a hand on his chest. He did not want to be there, and that bit pained me.

I did not have him, not really. It was feeling like I had no one anymore. I felt closer to a doll in crowed house. forced to stay behind the glass windows as i watch all the others come and go as they pleased.

I began carrying the egg with me everywhere I went, hoping it would jump start the hatching process. The pains I had were increasing tenfold. I had to keep it safe, using a continuous warming shield around it, protecting it from the ice that formed in my veins.

I learned that the shadows talked, that you could use them to move things or hide them. It was how I played music, hid my things like the books I wrote. I finished the page in my book and took it to the library. Caring my wine bottle with me. When I heard them talking inside, I waited. Caressing the egg I carried, I listened.

"What is this?"

"I think that's Cali's, looks like notes."

I must have been drunk enough to leave it behind last night. I entered, Tamlin flipping through the pages. I have a couple of them now. Mostly other worldly things, and then things about this world. I picked the two on the table up and reached for the one Tamlin had but he pulled it back.

"Explain what this writing is."

"It's my memories, I tell you time and again, I am not of this world. These notes are things I remember, I write them down. I do not wish to forget them." I shadowed the book from his hands to mine. "On this page, it's music." I tuned the pages. "Food, culture, politics and Anna…" I felt the tears well, she would want me. She would be hugging me and telling me it was alright. "They are personal, so I write in a way not even the greatest code cracker could figure out."

I took the three books and walked away to my favorite room. I had found the key, locking myself in a bit better. I flicked the window open, viewing the midday sky. I wanted to leave, be somewhere else. The eye has been closed for some time, I tugged on the bond, and it opened.

"Rhyse." I purred. "If you stay long enough, I can play you some music. I keep wondering when you'll call this silly bargain in. Four different walls would sure be nice. Your choice, you did set those terms."

I sat down on the bench, feeling the music flow in my heart as I cradled the egg. The keys moved to it, and I grinned, letting it wash away all the negative feelings.

I had gotten much better at this, and it felt good to be able to do something. I spent hours in here. Sometimes the whole day. When I did, I did not drink nearly as much. I could lay anywhere in the room, and so long as I concentrated, the music flowed. Sometimes I would sing, and dance.

Power rippled through the whole house; ice filled my bones. I looked up, I knew that power. I looked at my hand, the feline eye looked sharp, and it seemed to be staring right at me, watching, not so much the distance or just a small alertness, but taking me in.

I checked my shield, reinforcing it.

The doors flung open. "Hello Cali. Did you miss me that much?"

I pressed mind to keys as I stood, a small smirk on my face. "I knew you would, you were gonna come for me." He eyed what I cradle in the small carrier. "What brings you here? Collecting on a bargain." I held my hand up, twisting it as I smiled.

Tamlin was behind him. "Rhysand, it has not been that long, let her have some peace."

"But I've waited two full months, by the rights of the bargain, I could have had her a month ago. Besides hard to ignore someone who summons."

"What?! You called him here?"

"Yep, I want four other walls to look at." I collected my books and held them to my side. As I walked up to him. "Don't tear anything apart while I'm gone. Think of it as a break, I need this. Four new walls sound nice." I stood close, not bothering to give more than a slight glance.

"Cali." My eyes darted to Tamlin. "I love you."

Rhysand held around my shoulder; the world shifted before I could open my mouth to speak. Before I knew it, I was in a wide-open room with a couch, coffee table and a piano in the corner. I felt sick, dropping the books on the couch, I held my stomach, leaning on the back.

"You smell like a downtown tavern."

I set the egg down. "Do I? No one has said a thing." My mouth watered. "Bathroom, I'm gonna…." His hand graced my back, the world shifted, my stomach turned violently. I saw the bowl and let it loose. Hands were grabbing my hair, pulling it from my face. I had only touched a half bottle, but the shifting.

"What did you eat for breakfast?"

"Eggs, fruit and toast."

His hand tightened around my hair. "Your lying, your voice changes when you lie." I felt the claws on my mind, and I shoved a second shield down. "Shielding already? I wondered why it was so hard to hear after a week. Except for the taunts you threw down the bond behind."

I chuckled. "You sound annoyed. By the way, you left in the middle of our conversation. So yes, I was mad."

"You gave me a task; I thought it took priority. Again, have you eaten?"

"No, I'm not hungry either." The venom in my voice rising with the tendrils of fire.

I rose from the throne, wrapping my hair up in a ribbon. "So do tell, was that final invite enough to bring you to me? It is not like I know where you are other than halfway a crossed this land mass." I glared out the sides of my eyes as I wiped my mouth.

He held up a book, my book. "It was, I also want to know what language this is. You have such a curious way of writing."

I smirked. "That's where it went, I was about to run under the mountain and fight the Naga for it. You, so much easier to take."

"Take me where, here or there?" He smirked. "I know all kinds of places I can take you."

I bit my lip and flicked it out. "Oh, well. if that is the case. You have to put a ring on it first, that is if I accept. I am quite the Shade Queen these days."

"I dwell in the dark of night."

I clicked my tongue. "No."

His lips pressed. "What's in this one."

"Give me a glass of wine and I'll tell you."

"No." I shrugged. Pushing past him, he grabbed my bare arm. He recoiled, looking at his hand. "Damnit, Cali."

"Not so fun getting burned, is it, High Lord."

I left the room, I pictured the piano in my mind, letting those shadows tell me where the keys were. They moved, a song playing in the background. I followed that sound, sang low as ice followed behind me, rounding the corner, I saw him.

Rhysand lifted the lid, and I pulled back. He looked back at me, those eyes capturing me like they had done so many times before. "Suppose I don't need to put someone in their place today."

I smirked. "What kind of place?"

"Wouldn't you like to know. I'm curious, what else can you do?"

I merely pointed to the hallway of ice behind me. "There's that, tends to happen daily." I held a hand over the egg. "I can make shields of warm heat and protection."

"What is that?"

"A wyrm egg, it was the only one left. Behemoth told me how to find it before he died. You left before I could tell you about it. In fact, I'm pissed you left the way you did. I was asking you if you had a library here in the court of Nightmares. Then I was going to proceed to ask when you would pick me up. Then after, if you wouldn't mind climbing in the pit so I wouldn't have to do it alone. So, fuck you." I crossed my arms. "Yeah, I think that's everything I wished to say to your face."

"You baited me out for that? Tired of telling the bond when I let it be open?"

I nodded. "And I knew you would come eventually. Don't delay next time."

He clicked his tongue, "I have a feeling this will be two very interesting weeks with you."

"I'm sure I'll burn down your pretty little mountain to the ground." I let little flames rise from my hand before I snatched them back as I moved closer.

He turned ever so slightly. "How much dose Tamlin and Lucian know."

"I bated you for four different walls to look at. So, what do I need to do, to get you, to leave me the hell alone so I can take my little vacation in your home."

"Start with this." He held up the book. "Even if it's not information from here, I'd still like to know. You know so much about me and what's going on, but we know so little about you."

"You, a high lord, wish to know what pathetic human life I lived before I became another pathetic human turned Fae." His feline smile was back, i found it hard to tell him no. "Fine. Pick a page."

"Start at page one." I reached for it, but he pulled it back. "Ah, Ah. You see, I know I won't get it back. Read it from here." I stared long and hard. This was as I was developing the system I have now.

"The key that I… played was the drop I neded…. Needed to see the ocean of memories that hid behind it. Her vice…voice spoke, 'what will you play today…." I could feel my face getting hot, not in embarrassment, but for who I remembered. "A small spark turned… uh, into a symphony. A breathless, harmonious symphony, my heart brimmed with joy. Her smile, I wanted to see it again, I wanted to see her." I turned. "Satisfied?"

"Who is she?"

"I don't know." The insides felt like ice again, ice that I could not contain.

I held my arms close, squeezing my eyes shut. It was happening again, when these memories come up, it pours like river. Uncontrolled, like a wild stampede of many different animals. Not just the ones from home, but the worst ones from here. With the fraction of control I had, I steeled a barrier on the egg.

My world was crashing like heavy rain and hail. Thunder rumbled, and lights flashed. Ping, ting, ping, ting. Rain dropped in buckets as I curled in. Protecting the egg, protecting myself. Trying to reel in this weight.

"Cali." I was shaken by the shoulders, a hand caressing my face. "Cali, it's okay. Forget I asked. Damn." His hands dropped, I felt him trying to get in, but I held tighter. No one must see.

Warm arms embraced me, not big, but slender, more feminine. I hand stocked my hair. "There, there, Cali bear, it's okay. Let it all out." Cali bear, I broke, sobbing loudly as I hugged whoever this was. Rain poured; wind whipped my hair.

"It's okay." She spoke softly, like a mother might do to a child. Her voice was soothing. "It's okay, I got you. Everything will be okay."

"I miss her."

"And It's… ok.. kay to m.. miss her."

"I miss my light in the darkness."

"Shh, shh." I felt her head on mine.

I held the fabric on her back and took a deep breath. Her perfume hinted of warm days and something sweet I could not depict. I took another breath, my cries lowering. I had to pull myself back, reign in my power. The rain calmed; the wind died. The ice was no longer cold.

But I cried softly on her shoulder. "I miss Anna."

"Would you like to go see her?"

"I wish I could. If she were here."

"She would want you to keep living, to find a happiness for yourself." I just nodded. "How about we sit, I'll make us some tea." I nodded again, loosening my grip.

She pulled back, holding my shoulders before one hand cupped my face, blinding me from the room. "Give Rhys a minute to fix the room. You have absolutely nothing to worry about here." I went to look, but she held my face, bringing it up to her eyes, keeping me there.

I looked to her soul, seeing her name. This view was one reason I did not like looking at people. "Morrigan".

"He's told you about me already?" She laughed a little as she smiled brightly"

I stood still, the wet muggy air became fresh and comfortable. She let go, then rubbed my head. "She's positively adorable Rhys. This is Cali, the girl who freed all the High lords at once? I like her already."

"Yes, remember when I said I received good intel, it was from her. She knows things, we keep that knowledge contained. Oh, and I never told her anything about anyone."

She blinked, tilting her head slightly. "I see. Go ahead and sit sweetie." She gestured to the couch where my three books sit. I scooped them up, hugged them to my chest. Sitting in the far corner of the couch, I crossed my legs. Embracing the Egg, still safe, still warm.

They had been quiet, no doubt talking about me, my power, how broken it was. I sifted through them, adding this little experience in. It was a pattern, sad things brought on the ice, and anytime I felt deep sorrow, thunderstorms.

"Cali." I jumped, tucking my book in. Morrigan was holding out a coffee mug of tea, and a small plate of cookies. "I found Rhys's Stash. He has had this odd thing of keeping these around, but I never see him eat them." I looked around, but I didn't see him. "He had to take care of some things below. Don't worry, it's not your fault."

I took the cup, taking a sip. "I'm sorry."

She leaned her head on a fist, "for what?" She was being gentle, too kind. I did not deserve this. "For having feelings? Never feel bad about it. Be glad you do; some do not feel at all, and it is sad to watch. If you'd like, you can talk about it, getting it off your chest might make you feel better."

I looked down, staring at the dark liquid that smelled of fragrant flowers and tea leaves. I took a cookie from the plate, my eyes softening. "Huh." A cholate like cookie with cream in the middle. It was pretty close to an Oreo.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing." I ate the cookie as I debated how I should go about it.

I took a deep breath and I let it all out at once. "Anna was my wife, we were friends first, worked together, lived together. One night, we both got drunk, and we confessed feelings." I smiled. "I loved her so much; she gave so much purpose to my life. I never wanted to see her hurt, or in pain, her smile alone was always enough to make my worst days bearable, worth living to the next sunrise. I can't see her… because she in in another world."

I took a few gulps of tea. "I lived more than one life with her, how many is still coming back to me. Every memory I have is within these books. In my world, this place was a book to read. It was how I navigated things, but I did not read past the first one, and I never finished either. I was brought here. The bits I do recall are either major turn points, or events."

"And it's been hard on you, not being able too or feeling like you had no one to talk to."

I nodded. "Rhys was the first person I told I was from another world, first one I completely laid it all out too. He left without even saying goodbye. Maybe I thought too much, but I saw him as a friend. Regardless of how many hateful things I said. I was mad, frustrated. That place… It was so much to see, so much happened in such a short time. When he healed me for these two weeks a month. I knew I had someone to trust, someone I thought wanted me to live. I wanted one person to know the truth, to call me by my name, not hers. That's what I made him. That one, because I didn't want to pretend to be Feyre anymore. Like I was ever good at it." I propped a fist on my chin as i looked out to the window.

"And you're not, you are Cali, and nothing will change that."

My eyes watered. "Thank you. I do not know why, but the name bothers me. Like I don't deserve that name. Just when I think I have the answer for it, it slips."

"If I may, what is that world like?"

"Um, the world of politics sucked economy was trash, but." I raised an eye. "The food, off the charts. There was bars and dance clubs, you could fly in a plane. Cars helped you travel faster than a carriage, no animal needed. There was sky diving, amusement parks with roller coasters that went fast. Every life I lived I had seen a different state of society. I have been the poorest of soles to the noblest of ones."

"How did you know my name?"

"Trade secret."

She held a hand up. "Alright, keep your secrets. Your power and range are vast, have you been practicing?"

I sifted through my hand made journals, holding one up. "This one has all my discoveries. I have been looking into the powers of all the High lords. Fire and ice come easy, especially through emotion. While shifting is harder, that is more will than anything. I turned to a mouse when I wished to be unseen, unnoticed."

I set the egg on the coffee table and cocooned it in the wrap to keep it from rolling. I closed my eyes, thinking of that mouse as Morrigan got up. I wanted to be the cat hunting the mouse. Maybe take a nap, I yawned. This much power coming out at once was taxing. I would nap after these things happened, and it would be a restful one.

I laid there, wishing it would hatch. Eyes to heavy to pay attention.

"If you'd like, I can get a bath started for you. Let you change."

I felt so tired, I just wanted to sleep and be as lazy as a cat laying in the sun. I stretched like a cat. I could do those things later. I curled up snug, tucking my face.

"Where's Cali?" Rhysand asked.

"She was on the couch."

"I'm here." I stretched out my back. My joints felt different, but it still felt good.

"Mor, we agreed no pets. Take that cat back to wherever you found it."

"I did not bring a cat in here, Rhys. I don't know what prank the others might…"

I rolled over, yawning. "I haven't seen any cats." I rubbed my eyes, realizing I was the cat. The tattoo imprinted on my fur, just like the mouse form.

Rhys scooped me up. "Cali?"

I covered my eyes with my paws. I could smell him being this close. Like citrus and the Sea. "Yes?"

"How?"

"I don't know, I'm still figuring it out." This was embarrassing.

He fumbled a little. "I got you." Arms held my legs and back up, as my fingers covered my eyes. I split them to look at him. "How eventful. Is this why you lock yourself away throughout the day?" My head dipped back; I fought my eyes not to close as fatigue took hold. "Cali?" The world went black.