Anxious

Pauline was 'tidying up' her workspace, meaning she was putting a second coat of nail polish onto her nails, when the back door banged open. The Doc was out, called out to a backwater farm almost as far away as Delabole, so holding her fingers far apart she swished into the kitchen.

Louisa stood just inside the open door, and as Pauline watched she stiffly put her handbag, hobo bag, and laptop case onto the kitchen table.

Pauline started to say, "Surgery is closed. The Doc is out on a…"

Louisa sobbed once, then dropped to the floor, shaking with wracking sobs.

"Oh my God. Louisa!" Pauline bent down, putting her arm around Louisa's shoulders. "What's wrong?"

Louisa felt the dam break, as she knelt on the floor and hugging her belly, kept crying.

Pauline snagged the kitchen roll and tearing off some towels handed them to the crying woman. "Are you hurt?"

Louisa shook her head, no.

"The baby?"

That question set her off even more, writhing and moaning, awash in tears.

Pauline ran to her desk, got her mobile and dialed Joan Norton.

"Yep?" Joan answered on the fifth ring.

"Joan? Pauline Lamb. Louisa just came into the house and she's a mess, wailing and crying. Can't get a word out of her! And I don't know what to do!"

"Where's Martin?"

"Out on a call. Up at the Shepard place. That farm is in the biggest black spot of all 'round here – no chance of him answering my ring."

"Lord. Miles away. Look, I'm on Gravelcourse Road and I just had a puncture. Changing it." She grunted. "I can be there in half hour."

Pauline went back to the kitchen, listening to Joan as she made sounds of great physical effort.

Joan went on, "Bloody lug nuts are stuck. Rusted… ah…. there's one free. Maybe an hour at this rate. Wait… Ruth! My sister Ruth is in the village! She told me she'd be going to the co-op market. Call her! Maybe she can help? Here's her number. Take this down."

Pauline scuttled back to the desk and scribbled the number. "Thanks Joan! Got it!" As she punched the numbers on her phone, she chipped the unhardened polish. "Oh, damn," she muttered, just as the Doc's very cerebral aunt (and slightly scary old woman Pauline had been told) answered the call.

A slightly gravelly voice muttered in the ear, "Well, I've had worse greetings. Hello to you as well."

"Wait, Ruth. Uhm, this is Pauline Lamb, you see the Doc… I'm the Doc's receptionist and I tried to call Joan, but she has a puncture, so she told me to call you!"

Ruth shook her head at the near frantic response. "I see. Now, calm down dear. How can I help?"

"It's Louisa! She come in the door all upset and now she's laying on the floor in the kitchen crying and she won't tell me what's wrong!"

"Where's Martin?"

"Emergency call. Out."

Ruth lowered her basket of veg and fruit. "Right. I'm just two minutes away."

"But what should I do?"

"Put the kettle on girl."

True to her word, Ruth arrived, anxious, and wondering what this was all about? She was pleased to see that yes the kettle on, Pauline (Ruth assumed the traveler-inspired-and-garbed young woman was Pauline) had draped a soft rug around Martin's wife who crouched huddled on the floor, looking horribly upset.

"Right," Ruth announced. She took off her coat, set her handbag on the counter, then squatted down by the stricken woman. "Louisa, are you hurt?"

Louisa looked up briefly at Martin's aunt and shook her head.

"Good. Baby okay? Do you have any abdominal cramps or bleeding?" Ruth asked, for at this stage of pregnancy things could still happen. Joanie told her Louisa still had eight weeks to go.

"No," Louisa managed to choke out. "But…" That was followed by intense blubbering.

Ruth knelt down, feeling one stocking at the knee tear on the slate. Oh well. "Louisa. Louisa… look at me, girl. I need you to look at me." She was glad to see that the girl looked up at her, stopped her sobbing and looked – really looked back at her – but her eyes were pools of sadness.

Ruth said flatly, "Something's happened."

Louisa nodded, then sniffling asked, "Tissue?"

Pauline handed over a box, and Louisa blew her nose, wiped her eyes, then sighing deeply sat up a bit straighter.

Ruth began, "So, let's see… Louisa, you say you're not hurt, had no accident, and the baby is fine, so why all the waterworks?"

Louisa grabbed Ruth's hand, and her aged fingers squeezed hers calmly and comfortingly. "I had this OB appointment…"

"Go on."

"Really, uhm, I guess it started when I saw dad, my dad, on Saturday. He's… well… my dad is..."

Ruth nodded. "Yes, I know about your father. Joan told me."

Louisa took a deep breath. "Made me so sad… to see him… there. That place."

Ruth smiled ruefully. "I always feel a bit down after a session with my, clients call them, in a place like that."

Louisa sighed. "Yeah."

Ruth rubbed her arms. "It can be so cold in prison and I do not mean the temperature. Now, Louisa, go on." Ruth looked up at Pauline and mouthed the word go away.

Taking the hint, Pauline retreated to the corridor, but halted just around the corner because she just had to hear this.

"So," Louisa blew her nose with a loud honk, "I guess… I was, am, a little sad about him, right? I mean he didn't have to do… those things? Bad things."

"But he did," prompted Ruth.

"Yeah, he sure did."

"Maybe he liked doing them."

That stopped Louisa; made her think. "Maybe… well… uhm, so, I've been," she sniffed. "Sad – a bit down."

Ruth grunted, "Understandable." She shifted herself for the slate was killing her knees. "Louisa, do you think we might get off this horribly hard floor?"

"Sorry," Louisa said so she stood up, offering a hand to the older woman.

Ruth busied herself getting the tea going, then sat next to Martin's wife and examined her. My she was such a beauty, and the glow of pregnancy was still working. Hard to believe that her nephew found this girl here – Portwenn. Well, as they say, Ruth mused, even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. Putting her more professional persona on, Ruth began. "So, tell me what's happened."

Louisa sighed. "I was at my doctor's for a checkup. Everything, with me and the baby is okay. Thankfully. Of course the usual aches and discomfort at this stage." Louisa rubbed her belly. "Kicking, give me a minute."

Ruth waited until Louisa reached whatever accommodation she was used to carrying that baby around inside her. Must be a weird sensation.

Louisa felt a strange sense of calm start to come over her. Was it from Ruth? The woman was not exactly smiling at her, but her calm disposition did help and the heavy presence of her baby inside her made her feel better; almost happy.

Ruth nodded when Louisa smiled. "Go on. When you are ready. Take your time."

Taking a deep breath, Louisa started, "At my OB office, you know you're surrounded by babies. Babies already born, those about to be, those just started… anyway, women talk. Deliveries, number of kids, stretch marks, husbands or partners, blood pressure, swollen ankles. Comparing things, right?"

"I can imagine."

"Anyway, I was sitting there thinking about my dad and the baby and how we needed to get a cot on order and a changing table, and all that…"

Ruth waited for the determining moment to arrive, and she sensed that it was close.

Louisa went on, "And then another patient came out of the back. She was about 30, I think, not pregnant that I could see, not carrying a baby and the horrible bereft look on her face spoke volumes."

"And this woman was?" Ruth prodded gently.

Louisa sighed deeply. "She'd lost her baby; the nurse told me as much when I got called back to see Dr. Roberts. That woman had been pregnant, a lot I guess, and then her baby died. Oh my God, Ruth to go thru more than half of this – a pregnancy – and then your baby dies?" Louia buried her face in her hands, long hair hanging down, and Ruth heard sniffling.

Craning her neck, Ruth got a hint that Pauline was hiding around the corner, listening to every word, so Ruth poured out the tea, and Louisa took a sip. "Better?" Ruth asked.

Louisa used another tissue. "I… didn't believe it at first when I found out I was pregnant. Unexpected."

"Well, reproductive sex can be very different than just sex," Ruth said dryly. "Speaking entirely hypothetically about the former and not the latter." But there was a twinge in her heart. Izzy would have wanted children with her. But the man already had a wife and a young son; not fair to break up his family for her happiness. She found herself staring at Louisa's pregnant belly. Well, she sighed inside, that was a path not taken, but there was no doubt to her at the time of her dalliance with Izzy that the Ellingham's could be, or perhaps were, damaged goods. Rejecting Izzy's desire to leave his then family and start one with her seemed to be out of sorts. Perhaps even frightening to Ruth.

She looked around the kitchen. There was a damp spot over there, a window seal was going she could tell, and the house needed some work. She considered her nephew. Martin did find this woman, married, started a family so quickly. Ruth hoped that their relationship would last and would go well even in this biscuit tin village. But the future is unwritten and past events may or may not govern them. Who knew?

"So, you felt sorrow for that woman," Ruth told Louisa. "As you say…"

Louisa stared at her levelly "So, on the way home, I was thinking about it and just when I got to the house, I guess it all, my dad, me, that woman who lost her baby, it sort of all added up. And what if? I mean? What if something bad – really bad – happens?"

Ruth shrugged. "Louisa, I don't know what will happen tomorrow or in the next five minutes. Neither do you. You are anxious about what ifs. Out of a million, million things you might imagine; good or bad; nearly all will not happen." She took Louisa's hand gently. "Drink your tea my dear, and then fix your face. I doubt Martin would want you to see you so upset, or the aftermath."

Louisa did feel better. "Okay. I just had to just let it out. Thank you, Ruth. I just needed someone to listen to me. You are a good listener."

Ruth smiled a crooked smile. "It's what I do, mostly." She drank her tea quickly, then put on her coat, got her bag and addressed Pauline who was still in hiding. "Girl, I hope you heard everything?"

"Oh my God! She's bloody psychic!" Pauline squealed as she bolted.