JENNIE

..

I wanted so badly to let lisa know how much I loved the necklace. Though Kai had given me plenty of jewelry, none of it reflected me as much as the charm hanging around my neck did. Which was exactly why I was falling apart.

The absence of my family made the holiday celebrations overwhelming. Add to that the ever-heightening awareness of my feelings for Lisa, and I was a ticking time bomb. The anxiety made it hard to think, so I just climbed into her lap and fused my mouth to hers.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she ignored it, but when mine went off a few seconds later, she sighed and pulled away. "That'll be Rosé calling to see if we've left yet."

"What happens if I don't answer it?"

"She'll call until you do."

She was right. My phone stopped ringing and Lisa's started up again. She moved me over to the cushion beside her and dug around in her pocket.

"We're leaving in five minutes," she said by way of greeting.

I couldn't hear Rosé's response, but Lisa's frown told me some admonishing might have been going on. I checked the time. We were supposed to be at Cassie's already. Lisa was rarely late for anything; I'd been the one to procrastinate.

We had fallen into old habits over the past few days, isolating ourselves, blowing off offers to get together for drinks in lieu of spending time alone. Mostly in her bed. Not sleeping. The physical connection helped keep me out of my head.

"We'll get there when we get there," Lisa said a little more forcefully. "Yeah. . . . No. . . . Fine. I won't forget the salad. . . . No, it's not from a bag. I'm offended. See you in a bit." She hung up the phone with an irritated sigh.

"We should probably get going, huh?" I felt bad that people were waiting on us.

"Cassie doesn't serve dinner until five. We have plenty of time. Rosé just wants us to get there so she can start on the cocktails."

"And she can't do that until we arrive?"

"She can. She's just being a pain in the ass." Lisa lifted the box propped against the coffee table into her lap. "I'm opening this before we go."

Lisa was careful as she slid her finger under the taped edge. She managed to remove it without tearing the paper. I fidgeted impatiently as she lifted the lid from the box and removed the foam padding that buffered the edges. Then she turned over the canvas print.

"Holy mother of fuck."

Her eyes moved over the black-and-white image that started at my neck and ended at my hip. The body was angled slightly so the swell of my breast was visible, but the focus was my unfinished tattoo. Rosé would do another shoot in full color when it was completed.

"This is you."

"Do you like it?" I asked, worried about her dark expression.

"I'm going to ask you something, and I don't want you to get upset with me." When I didn't say anything, she continued. "Who took this?"

"Rosé took all of them."

"Them?"

"There are three."

"Are you naked in all of them?"

"In two, yes."

She wet her bottom lip. "When do I get to see the rest?"

"You get one at Cassie's, and one tomorrow morning. The one at Cassie's is the least revealing."

"Will I want to gouge out someone's eyes if they see it?"

"No."

"Maybe we should leave it here. Just in case," Lisa suggested.

"It's sensual, not pornographic. Like the ones in your bedroom."

She pried her eyes away from the image. "Hm. It looks like those will have to come down, won't they?"

"Looks like." I dropped my head, hiding my smile of triumph.

..

It was almost three in the afternoon by the time we arrived at Cassie's. I was jittery, despite taking meds before we left. Lisa suggested I bring extra, just in case.

The meds made me loopy, and I'd been quiet on the trip to Cassie and Nate's, fiddling constantly with the charm around my neck. Lisa pulled into the driveway, parking beside Rosé's Beetle. I took a deep breath as I unlatched my seat belt.

Before I could reach for the door handle Lisa put her hand on my arm. "If it gets to be too much, say the word and we can go home."

"I'm not going to take you away from your family on the holidays, Lisa. I'll be fine."

"They're your family, too." When I shook my head, she said, "Maybe not in the usual sense, but all of them understand this is hard on you. No one expects you to power through, okay?"

I nodded, unable to speak through the sudden flood of emotion. They were like a family. Rosé and Eunwoo and Jackson were just as much a part of Cassie's life as Lisa was. They were like surrogate adult children to her.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," I said, leaning across the console to kiss her.

"You don't have to. You have me and I'm not going anywhere."

She spoke with such conviction, as if any other option weren't possible. Truly, there was no other way to get through this, not for me. That I had walked away from her in the first place to sort through a past full of ghosts seemed untenable now. Rogue tears leaked out and I brushed them away, but more followed.

"I'm so sorry I left you."

"What?" Lisa asked, confused.

"I shouldn't have gone back to Arden Hills without explaining. I shouldn't have done that to you, and I'm so, so sorry. I wanted to stay here. I wanted to be with you but I didn't think I could, and I wish it had been different." I could feel my hysteria rising.

"Hey." Lisa held my face between her hands, forcing me to look at her. "Calm down, kitten. It's all right. Everything is okay now. You're back with me where you belong, and that's all that matters." Her thumbs swept away the tears beneath my eyes. "We'll get through this together. You and me. Just remember, you've survived worse things than this. Whatever's going on in your head right now, you've made it through worse."

"Sometimes I feel guilty for having you," I whispered.

"I get that. And I wish I could make that feeling go away for you. You know your family wouldn't want you to be alone, right? They'd want you to have people in your life to love you and take care of you. I don't know that they would have chosen me to be that person, but I want to be if you'll let me."

I would never understand why I had to lose so much to find her. "I don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't met you."

"Well, you'll never have to know."

She kissed me, her lips soft and lingering. In that moment I knew there was never going to be another person like her in my life. No one who would make me feel the way she did.

Lisa pulled away and looked at me with determined intent. "I want to tell you something important."

In my peripheral vision, the front door swung open. I tried to ignore it, but Jackson's loud voice boomed out across the driveway, his crass comment barely muffled by the rumble of the engine.

Lisa sighed. "Ruin my fucking moment, why don't you."

"If you close your eyes, you can pretend he's not there."

"I can hear him though, so it's pointless."

"I thought you had something important to tell me."

"It can wait until later. We should go in." She planted a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth and turned off the car.

My stomach knotted as we approached the entourage waiting for us at the door. Cassie pushed her way to the front, her arm came around my shoulder, and she ushered me into the foyer. "I'm so glad you came."

"Me, too."

There was a burst of chatter as Lisa helped me out of my coat, then she went back to the car to retrieve the presents and the food. The foyer was a large, open space with hardwood floors and modern décor. In front of me a staircase led to the second floor, and to the right was a living room with a wood-burning fireplace.

The air of excitement overwhelmed me, and I excused myself to the bathroom. I locked the door and turned on the tap, rooting around in my bag for my bottle of meds. I rolled it between my palms, reluctant to take more, even though the artificial calm would help.

I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. Eventually the rapid beat of my heart slowed. Although that anxiety attack had been thwarted, I didn't want to risk being unprepared for another. I shook a couple of pills out of the bottle and stuffed them in the hidden pocket in my dress, in case I couldn't get to my purse later.

Lisa was waiting in the hall when I came out, her arms crossed over her chest. She pushed away from the wall and ran her hands down my bare arms. I didn't want her to know how much I was already struggling. She'd internalize it as a failure on her part, as unreasonable as that might be.

"Everything all right?" she asked, her hands sifting through my hair, fanning it out over my shoulders.

"I just needed a minute to collect myself."

She put a finger under my chin and tilted my head up to kiss me tenderly. "I could show you around the house before they bombard you again, if you'd like."

"That would be good."

She took my hand and led me away from the laughter filtering down the hall. Nate's office had a therapist's vibe. A massive cherry desk was at the back of the room, and the shelves against the wall matched. In the middle of the room were two comfy-looking chairs with footstools set on a lush carpet. Each chair had a side table with a coaster perched on it.

"Does Nate work from home?"

"Occasionally. His patients come through that side entrance." Lisa pointed across the room to a door nestled between two bookshelves. "He does some work for the hospital's inpatient unit, too. He's got some big title."

"He's a busy man."

"Yeah. He's a lot like my dad in that respect." A hint of disapproval was in Lisa's tone. "Nate's a bit of a workaholic. It's why Cassie opened up Serendipity. She wanted something meaningful to do with her time."

I'd wondered about that. Cassie drove a Mercedes and was always impeccably dressed. She almost looked out of place in Serendipity, like polished silver among tarnished brass.

"She doesn't have to work?"

Lisa shook her head. "Nope. Nate's got more than enough assets and equity. It probably costs them money to run that store, but she loves it and that's all Nate cares about. Cassie hates being idle as much as I do. If she had to sit around this house all day, she'd go nuts."

"How old is she?"

"Midthirties. There was a big age gap between her and my mom, like fifteen years. They were tight, though. Cassie was always around when I was a kid. It was almost like having an older sister, but she didn't annoy me, which I thought was cool back then. She even lived with us for a bit before my teens."

"She did?" Lisa's life hadn't been much different from mine. She'd had loving parents, a solid family, although from the sound of it, Lisa's father hadn't been around much.

"Yeah, I was like her shadow. I think it's part of the reason she took me in when my parents died. She wanted to return the favor or whatever." She tugged on my hand. "Come on, let me show you the rest of the house."

I didn't press for more information, aware she was sharing these pieces of herself to distract me. We stopped in several more rooms on the main floor. The equipment in the home gym looked as if it was frequently used, and the game room was complete with a pool table and a dartboard.

We took a set of stairs at the back of the house to the second floor. The five bedrooms were decorated in various modern themes. One was being refurbished. Drop cloths covered the furniture and cans of paint were stacked in the center of the room.

"This was my room." Lisa opened the door closest to the stairs. "It's been redecorated, though."

I went in, taking in the elegant lines of the space. The cream and black and raspberry color scheme was a fusion of masculine and feminine energies.

"Cassie painted it dark blue for me. It was a waste, though, since I didn't stay very long."

"How long were you here?" I asked, running my hand over the raspberry comforter, gorgeous against the black bed frame. Though the room looked different, I imagined the memories would still be difficult. The love and care from Cassie and Nate would have been overshadowed by the trauma she'd been through.

"Only a couple of months. I was too self-destructive. Nate had this savior-complex thing going on. He wanted me to talk to someone. I refused. Cassie didn't think he should push it right away, and I was a hard kid to handle. I would have fucked up their marriage if I'd stayed."

"Why do you say that?"

Lisa shrugged. "Cassie and Nate hadn't been married long when my parents died. It shook her up, and I was just too much to deal with. I didn't follow rules. I snuck out at night all the time; came home all fucked up on drugs because I couldn't cope. Cassie didn't know what to do with me; she was just as lost as I was. I could see the strain I was putting on them. I'd seen what the crap I pulled did to my parents. I figured it would be better for everyone if I lost my shit without Cassie watching it happen."

"That's pretty selfless, for someone so young and in such a bad place."

She shook her head. "I left because dealing was too hard."

"We can agree to disagree, then. You were just a girl."

It was at the core of her makeup to save people from pain, even if it meant distancing herself from them. So it made sense that she'd want to be with me, because as close as we'd become, walls were still between us. Thinner than before, but still there.

She said, "I used to wonder what my life would've been like if my parents weren't dead, how it would've been different. But I don't do that as much anymore."

"What changed?"

"I met you. I figured all the shit had to be for a reason, right? If I hadn't gone through it, I'd never get where you're coming from, and this thing we have." She traced the line of my jaw with a fingertip. "It wouldn't be the same."

Lisa was right. Without our pasts, our connection might have been very different.

..

Everyone was in the kitchen when we came back downstairs. A glass of wine was put in my hand. Lisa grabbed a beer and Nate tossed an apron at her. Lisa grumbled as she pulled it over her head.

"That's what you get for being late, sis," Jack said, running his hand over the front of his apron, which showcased the ripped abs of a tattooed male body.

Nate's was a tuxedo print, Eunwoo's a cowboy. Lisa wasn't so lucky; hers had pink and white flowers with ruffles around the edges. I giggled as she fumbled with the strings. She was too broad to be able to tie a bow.

She grabbed a whisk and pointed it at me. "What are you laughing at? I can totally pull off this look."

I raised my hands. "I'm not arguing with you. I think you look pretty."

She smacked her palm with the whisk. "Don't think for a second I'll forget you said that."

I played with the chain around my neck and grinned. If the rest of the day could be like this, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Holiday dinners at Cassie's weren't like they'd been in Arden Hills. My home experience was of women rushing around the kitchen while the men sat and drank. At Kai's, someone was hired to cook while the family congregated in the formal sitting room to sip expensive wine and liquor.

Here, the men and Lisa took over the kitchen. Well, most of them. According to Jisoo, Jackson couldn't even manage a Kraft dinner without making it inedible. He was allowed to mash the potatoes, but Lisa hovered and gave directions on how much of what went into the bowl.

I was fascinated by how natural the domestic routine seemed to be for Lisa. She'd been on her own for the past seven years and wasn't a huge fan of takeout, so she'd learned to cook. Aside from her fixation with cupcakes and her love of beer and scotch, she had healthy eating habits. Sometimes it made her a buzz kill when we went grocery shopping.

Jisoo let out a low whistle, bringing my attention back to the conversation. She motioned to my chest. "Is that new?"

I looked down at the charm I was playing with. "It's an early present from Lisa."

Ever since I'd put it on, I couldn't stop touching it. It was like a talisman, the only thing beside Lisa that kept me grounded enough to get through the day.

"Wow! Nice job, Lisa," Jisoo said.

Jack punched Lisa in the shoulder. "I guess we know why you two were late. Someone was looking to get laid."

"Ow!" Lisa punched him back. "That wasn't my motive at all."

"You two, hands to yourself. We're not having an MMA match in the kitchen this year." Nate pointed the handle of his bread knife at Lisa and Jackson.

"MMA match?" I asked.

"Last year Jack and Lisa got into the sauce a little too early. There was an issue with the potatoes. The cleanup was a bitch," Eunwoo supplied.

"Particularly since those two were so messed up, they had their heads in the toilet before dinner was even served." Rosé shot an irritated glare at them.

"That was the worst hangover I ever had." Jackson went back to pulverizing potatoes.

"You let them get away with that?" I asked Cassie.

"I wasn't involved. Rosé and I were on an emergency run to get fresh cranberries. Jackson brought canned ones and Lisa refused to serve them." Cassie smiled at Lisa.

"Who the hell eats canned cranberry sauce?" she asked, as if it were unheard of.

I raised my hand. "I like canned cranberry sauce."

"You would, Miss Let's Eat Popcorn and Reese's Pieces for Dinner," she shot back.

"Don't knock it. The Reese's Pieces are awesome when they're all melty."

"It's true," Jisoo said. "It really is good."

Lisa rolled her eyes and went back to stirring the cranberry sauce. Which she'd made from scratch.

"So what happened when you got back?" Jisoo asked.

"Lisa and Jackson were engaged in a wrestling match on the floor," Cassie replied.

"And Nate and Eunwoo were busy placing bets on who was going to win," Rosé said with a laugh.

"I stood to make good money if Lisa won, considering she was the underdog," Eunwoo said.

"Hardly," Lisa scoffed. "Jack was way more hammered than I was."

"Yeah, but you're all lanky and shit, you Gumby-looking mother-fucker. I'm the one with the brawn," Jackson goaded, flexing his thick biceps.

"Should I be worried?" I asked Cassie, who was watching them with an amused smile.

"No. This is pretty normal," she said.

"Fuck that Gumby shit." Lisa tossed her wooden spoon on the counter and went chest to chest with Jackson. "You're a freak of nature. You were probably the size of a fucking toddler when you were born."

They looked frighteningly dangerous as they glared at each other, chins raised in defiance. Eunwoo gave a bark of laughter.

Jackson fought back a grin and Lisa poked him in the chest. "I am not lanky. Right, kitten?"

"Of course not." All those hard-cut muscles? "I think you have the perfect body." It came out almost breathless.

Lisa smirked and leaned across the counter to plant a kiss on my lips. "It goes both ways, beautiful." Even in the ridiculous apron, she swaggered back to her post at the stove.

Everyone stared at Lisa with expressions that verged on disbelief; I got the distinct impression none of them had ever seen her like this before.

Cassie put an arm around my shoulder. "We're all very glad you're here, Jennie."

"So am I." I leaned into her embrace. "I'm very fortunate to have found her."

"As is she," she said.

While Lisa and the men prepared dinner, Cassie, Rosé, Jisoo, and I sat around the kitchen island and chatted. I tried my best to stay in the moment. The banter between Lisa and the boys kept us entertained, and the constant flow of wine helped, too. Rosé topped up my glass so frequently, it was impossible to keep track of how much I consumed.

When dinner was ready, we transferred the food into serving bowls and carried them to the dining room. Lisa sat to my right, with her arm around the back of my chair throughout dinner. Every so often she leaned in to kiss my temple or play with a lock of my hair and tell me how glad she was that I was with her.

After the main course, the plates were cleared. New dishes were brought out in preparation for dessert. Since no one was ready for it yet, we relaxed in our chairs, blissed out in a turkey coma. Everyone was sipping drinks except for Lisa, who had switched to soda water. Conversation was easy, and while I was quiet, it wasn't because I was stuck in the past. I loved listening to this new family I'd become part of.

After a while Lisa and Eunwoo started asking about dessert, so I brought it out while Cassie poured coffees.

"What's going on? I thought you brought cupcakes," Lisa said as I set the dessert platter on the table.

"They are cupcakes."

"Really? All incognito, huh?" She inspected the wreath. White-chocolate leaves covered the layer of fluffy buttercream icing, and fresh-cut strawberries adorned the top for a splash of color.

"It's almost too pretty to eat," Cassie said.

"Almost," Lisa agreed, and took the first one. "But not quite."

She didn't bother to wait for everyone else before she peeled away the wrapper and shoved half of it in her mouth. Only when she was eating cupcakes did her table manners disappear. "Is this angel food cake?" she asked between bites.

"I thought it would be lighter. Did they turn out okay?"

She groaned an affirmative and helped herself to seconds. I peeled the wrapper from my own and began slowly disassembling the cake: eating the berries first, followed by the white-chocolate leaves, then finally the icing-covered cake. Lisa pulled me closer, until I was almost in her lap. She reached over and helped herself to a third.

"You don't have to make yourself sick. There are extras at my apartment."

"Good to know." She tucked my hair behind my ear and leaned in to whisper, "Watching you eat cupcakes is better than porn."

"You think so?" I batted my eyelashes at her, then sucked icing off my finger.

Her hand disappeared below the tablecloth and she shifted in her chair. Her nose brushed my cheek. "Much better. Infinitely better."

"It's a dinner table, not a bedroom. Put your hands where I can see them, Manoban," Eunwoo said.

At the round of snickering, my cheeks warmed. Lisa's hand reappeared, her middle finger directed at Eunwoo, but her hand stayed above the table after that.

Rosé asked, "Anyone have any ideas for New Year's? We need a plan."

Lisa had mentioned New Year's once in passing, but hadn't brought it up again. For me, it was yet another holiday I would be celebrating without my family.

"I thought we were going to chill this year." She stroked her thumb along my bare shoulder.

"That's one option," Rosé said. "Are you offering to host?"

Lisa snorted. "I only have one spare bedroom."

"That's all you need. Jackson and Jisoo can stumble across the street," Eunwoo pointed out.

"Forget Lisa's. I say we hop a plane to Vegas for the weekend," Jackson cut in.

Jisoo rolled her eyes. "Only you would suggest something like that."

"He's had worse ideas," Rosé said. "Maybe Eunwoo and I could get hitched while we're at it! It would save me from this business of planning a wedding."

Good-natured laughter followed.

I felt Lisa's arm tighten around my shoulder. Her lips moved against my temple, but whatever the words were, I didn't hear them. My mind was stuck, skipping like a record. The static in my head became a screaming siren, drowning out everything else.

I couldn't feel my body as I lifted my wineglass to my lips. I tipped it back; the cool liquid tasted like vinegar as I drained the glass. The world went out of focus as panic took over. I knew it wasn't rational. People got on planes every day and made it to their destinations without so much as a blip of turbulence.

"Jennie?" Lisa's hand was on the back of my neck, fingers kneading gently. "Are you okay?" she sounded so far away, as if she were talking to me from underwater.

"Excuse me for a moment," I said, finding it hard to breathe. I pushed my chair back. "I just need to use the bathroom." I prayed she'd let me go before I cracked and wrecked the evening.

I placed my napkin on the table and headed for the closest powder room, then locked myself in before my legs gave out.

I sank to the floor, working to push through the panic. I wanted to turn back time. To have a normal reaction to an impromptu trip to Vegas. To be excited. But I couldn't be. Blinding panic radiated through me, seizing my chest.

I squeezed my eyes shut and clutched the cupcake charm, wishing it had the power to prevent me from breaking down. The memories came anyway—vivid and violent. They began and ended with Kai's shattered face and broken body. Always. Here I was, on Christmas Eve, barely a year after the crash, celebrating the holiday with someone else. Someone I loved infinitely more. I felt as if I were wronging Kai in some way.

I lurched forward, grasping the edge of the toilet as dinner reappeared. My eyes teared as I heaved again. When it was finally over, I braced myself on the edge of the vanity. I ran my hands under the cold water and pressed my palms against my neck. I needed to get it together. I didn't want Lisa to see me falling apart like this.

With my stomach no longer revolting, I reached into the pocket in my dress. I debated whether I had the strength to make it through the rest of the evening without the pills. But I couldn't risk another panic attack. The doorknob rattled, and I almost dropped them in the sink.

"Jennie? Can I come in?" Lisa asked from the other side, concerned.

"I need a second." I popped the pills, then cupped my hand under the tap and washed down the chemical taste.

As soon as I unlocked the door, Lisa came in and closed it behind her. She pulled me into her arms. "I'm so sorry. Rosé wasn't thinking."

"It's fine. I just needed a minute." I sighed into her chest, letting the salve of her touch ease the ache.

"A minute?" She rubbed slow circles on my back, lulling me to semi-calm. "You've been in here for almost twenty. I knocked a couple of times but you didn't answer, so I figured you needed space. Then I got worried."

I thought I'd only been in the bathroom a short time. "I'm so sorry. I didn't expect that. Just the idea of getting on a plane—"

"It's okay. Don't think about it. You're all right." Her hands settled on my waist and she lifted me easily onto the vanity.

Once I was sitting, I realized how much I had been relying on her to keep me upright. I was still shaking. "I'll never be able to fly again."

"It's only been a year. You can't know that for sure." Her palms moved down my arms, and she clasped my hands in hers.

"You don't understand." I shook my head, all the words stuck.

"Jack meant it as a joke, and Rosé doesn't want to get married next week. And even if we did go to Vegas at some point, we could make a road trip out of it. Take as long as we want to get there."

The warm buffer of medication had yet to set in, allowing fear to spill over. Joke or not, so much about the situation was too hard to manage.

"Jennie?"

Lost in my fears, I wrapped her tie around my hand, staring at the pin-up girl as she slipped over my fist. "What if Rosé's serious?"

"She's not. At least not for New Year's. A Vegas wedding is right up Rosé's alley, but it's not going to happen right away."

Driving might seem like a good solution, but everyone else would still get on a plane. What if we arrived in Vegas only to find they hadn't made it?

"Talk to me, Jennie."

I looked up, pleading with her to understand. "I can't go through that again. Losing all these people? It would kill me."

"I know. That's why we'd drive."

"But everyone else would fly!" I gripped Lisa's hand tighter to keep my shaking under control. "I can't ask them to put their lives on hold just because I can't get on a plane. I don't know if I'll ever get past this fear." I shuddered. "I only lost consciousness briefly after the plane went down."

"You— What? I don't understand."

"When I came to, the plane had crashed and it was on fire. I found Kai when I was trying to escape. He was dead. Half of his face was crushed. It's the last memory I have of him—and it still haunts my nightmares. You're asking me to entertain the same scenario. Tell me how I'm supposed to deal with that."

The color drained from Lisa's face. I still hadn't told her some things because talking about it hurt too much. "Shit. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take those memories away for you."

Enveloped in her protective embrace, I sagged against her, drained of energy. I locked my arms around her neck and my legs around her waist, desperate for the closeness, the connection. She held me for the longest time and I absorbed the comfort like a sponge.

Her chin rested on top of my head. I felt the periodic bob of her throat as she swallowed, the rise and fall of her chest, the constant, rhythmic beat of her heart. I pressed my lips to her neck. Lisa dropped her head and kissed me. Fear had a way of inspiring need. My lips parted, welcoming her in.

A quiet knock at the door broke the spell. Rosé's apprehensive voice came from the other side: "Jennie? Lisa?"

Lisa pressed her forehead against mine. "Give us a minute," she called out, and then dropped to a whisper. "I'm taking you home soon."

"Please? I need you tonight."

She pressed one final kiss to my lips and helped me down from the vanity. When I had my bearings, she opened the door.

Rosé threw her arms around me. "I'm so sorry. I was caught up in the excitement. I didn't think."

I held on to her, feeling the burden of her sadness, hating that I couldn't enjoy her spontaneity. "You don't have to apologize. I overreacted."

Lisa took my hand and we walked through the dining room. The table had been cleared and everything returned to order. We went into the living room, where everyone had congregated. No one made a fuss, and Lisa pulled me into her lap in an oversize reading chair.

..

"Ready to go?" Lisa whispered after gifts had been exchanged.

"Please," I said, draining what was left of the tea I'd been drinking. Everything was an uncomplicated haze, now that the medication had set in. When we got home, I could lose myself in her. She dropped a lingering kiss on my shoulder, following with her teeth, the promise of intimacy an undeniable lure.

"Jennie and I are gonna roll out."

"You're not staying the night?" Cassie asked, clearly disappointed.

"TK's by herself," Lisa said, her hands on my waist as I stood. The room shifted with the movement, the medication making me feel weightless.

Lisa packed all the gifts into the box we'd brought. She helped me into my coat, and I used the bench as a seat to put on my shoes, since I was too unsteady to stand. I didn't track the hugs and good-byes because my mind was elsewhere.

Lisa led me to the car and unlocked the door. "I'm sorry today wasn't easier." The words spiraled out in ghostly tendrils, disappearing in the cold air.

"You were with me. That made it better." I grabbed the lapels of her jacket and pulled her close.

Her body came flush against mine as her lips parted, and we took up where we'd left off in the bathroom. Her hands went to my hips, her erection insistent against my stomach. "I need to get you home."

"I want to be home," I said, feeling for the door handle.

Lisa helped me in and shut me inside the frigid car. She adjusted herself as she strode around the front, her intentions as clear as mine. The presents were unceremoniously tossed in the backseat.

"I should have warmed up the car first," she said as she turned the engine over.

"It gets warm fast enough." I pulled my legs up and rubbed them through the thin nylon.

She shifted the car into gear, gunning it as soon as she was on the street. Unable to keep my hands off her, I put my palm on her knee. She glanced down but didn't say anything. I moved higher, up along her thigh. The muscles in her leg tensed.

Lisa sucked in a breath as I grazed her erection. "What are you doing?"

"Touching you." I reached for her belt, sliding the leather through the buckle, unclasping it, and flicking the button open.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Can't you multitask?"

"That depends on the tasks involved."

I slipped my hand into her pants, fingering the warm steel ball at the head. Lisa gripped the steering wheel tightly.

She whispered a low "Fuck." Her eyes flicked to me. "We should have left earlier."

The blinker came on and she made several turns, taking us deeper into a subdivision while I freed her from her pants and continued stroking.

"Hold on," Lisa gritted through clenched teeth as she wrenched the wheel and the car turned sharply. She eased off the gas and pulled into a short driveway before hitting the brakes with a jolt. Her labored breathing was drowned out by the loud whir of a garage door opening.

"Where are we?"

"This is the place I'm working on with Nate."

"No one lives here?"

"Not at the moment, no."

She pulled into the garage. Once the car was inside, the door closed.

Lisa cut the engine and the headlights died, submerging us in darkness. We groped blindly in the inky black, hands searching each other out, mouths connecting. Her tongue pushed past my lips, and I hastily unfastened my seat belt so I could get closer. We were a mass of tangled limbs, pulling and pushing as we tried to bridge the space between us.

I was pressed against the passenger door, legs spread out, one hand on the dash, the other gripping the headrest. Lisa hovered over me, halfway across the center console, contorted in an uncomfortable position she didn't seem to mind. She sought the edge of my dress, her hand snaking up my thigh, reaching the lace edge of my thigh highs.

Then she stopped. Her hand slapped at the ceiling and the interior light came on. I blinked, adjusting to the sudden brightness.

"How the fuck did I miss these?"

"I put them on just before we left, while you were getting the presents together."

"Sneaky, sexy woman."

She ran her finger under the pink strap of the garter, all the way up to the satin between my legs. Her knuckle grazed my clit. I arched into the touch and threw my head back, slamming it against the window.

"Shit. Are you okay?" Her hand stayed between my legs, but she looked conflicted as she scanned my body and her eyes rose to mine. "Maybe we shouldn't do this here. I don't have my key to get in the house. I should take you home."

The day had been too heavy and I wanted Lisa to erase it. "I don't want to wait until we get home. I want you to fuck me now."

After a moment's hesitation she fumbled with the lever on my seat and I went crashing back. The box of presents behind me toppled over, spilling its contents onto the floor.

"Dammit." she reached out to try to stop them.

"Leave it." I gripped her chin in my hand, my need gaining urgency.

She sucked on my bottom lip and tried to straddle me, but she couldn't fit her legs in the space between the seat and the dash. She grunted when she smacked her head on the ceiling.

"There's not enough room," she lamented, shoving the skirt of my dress up to my waist.

"Maybe we should use the hood."

She froze. "Excuse me?"

"There's plenty of space there." I gestured toward the broad expanse of black metal, remembering the time she mentioned using the location, before I'd gone back to Arden Hills.

"I was kind of joking about that," she rasped.

"No, you weren't."

She was out of the car before I could react and wrenched opened my door. The interior light cast her face in shadow, making her smile almost sinister as she leaned on the frame.

"Get out of the car, kitten."

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