Life was absolutely fantastic, I decided, opening my eyes from a night of sleep and finding a familiar weight on top of me. I'm pretty sure that Hestia had started cuddled up next to me, so she must have moved at some point during the night. Not that I was complaining. Despite the woman/goddess on top of me, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. For the first time in I didn't know in how long, I felt like I was waking up on the right side of the bed.
It would seem that Hestia had beaten me to waking up this morning, because her eyelids opened, revealing her bright blue eyes. She offered me a lazy smile, her breath tickling my skin. "You kept your hair," she noted, sounding sleepy. I shifted, getting myself a little more comfortable in a bed that I've only slept in only once, and that was last night.
"I figured you would want to do something else with it when I got back to you," I told her. I didn't think I could pull off a man bun, but I had been determined to keep it until I got back to Hestia. It happened sooner than I could have imagined. I never thought that Hestia would be the one to find me.
Hestia's smile gained a dopey quality to it before she laid her head down on my chest, making herself comfortable at my expense. Her soft skin pressed against mine, both of us sticky thanks to our reunion. "I'll clean it up later. I think it looks good on you," she decided, and I guess I was stuck with a man bun for the foreseeable future.
"You'd know better than me," I conceded. I wasn't going to argue. She could shave my head for all I cared. Right now, anything she wanted, I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure she received.
Hestia let out a content breath, "What happened, Jericho?" She asked a question that we had avoided last night.
"Opening the Elder Scroll let Alduin out early. We weren't ready. I managed to get him, but…" I trailed off and Hestia gave me a squeeze. "That's when I woke up with Aqua, that goddess you suplexed. She made me a deal that if I helped kill the Demon King, then she would send me back to before the battle. Kazuma came after me, so I decided to have him defeat the Demon King while I prepared for round two with Alduin." I explained, a note of an apology in my voice.
Hestia cuddled into me, "Kazuma said that you were doing fine… but when I was asking for directions to get here, a lot of people warned me away. It took me forever to find where you lived."
To that, I chuckled, "Yeah, the city doesn't like me much."
Hestia shifted to give me a dull look, "They really don't like you, Jericho. Everyone thinks that you're a secret Demon King general or something. What did you do?" She questioned, earning a shrug from me.
"I don't really know. I decided to be a craftsman instead of a warrior, and that pissed a lot of people off. And… well… I was already pissed off, so I didn't exactly do myself any favors. The rest is just the rumor mill doing what it does." I still didn't care about what they were saying. The people of Axel were useless - at this point, the dislike was mutual and I wasn't motivated to undo my poor reputation with them.
Hestia cocked an eyebrow, "So, you aren't a homophobic pedophile that's working for the Demon King to destroy Axel?" She questioned, earning a slow blink from me. Where did that first bit come from? When had I ever given the impression that I was homophobic?
"Nope. I'm planning the destruction of Axel all on my own," I corrected, earning a laugh from Hestia as she detected the lie.
Then she sighed, "I wish the others were here." She said, a pang of sadness in her voice. I felt the same. The plan was to bring Lili, Lydia, and Serana here, but Kazuma's blitz to come back to life screwed up that plan. They were still in Skyrim - temporarily living out a timeline where I had died killing Alduin and Hestia followed me, after leaving a note to explain the situation. When the Demon King was dead, Akatosh would have a seizure and that timeline would be overwritten when I killed Alduin for the second time.
So, a Dragonbreak.
"We'll get back to them soon," I reassured her. The situation wasn't ideal, but it was vastly better than the reality I had been dealing with. Hestia was here. I would make it up to Serana and Lili after we got back. But, for right now, Hestia was here-
My train of thought was cut off by the sound of a door slamming.
I rolled my eyes, guessing that it was Aqua and Kazuma again. Those two really went at it like cats and dogs.
"I guess we should get up," Hestia noted, making no effort to do so.
"Probably," I agreed. "We could take you to the Guildhall and get you an Adventurer Card today. Aqua has one. Her stats are locked in, but being a god gives you access to the best classes-" I began, only to have Hestia push off of me with no warning, pushing our blanket back as she displayed her body without a hint of modesty.
I've seen her naked countless times, but it never got any less incredible. Her sizable breasts stood at attention, perked up with rosy pink nipples serving as their peaks. Her nipples were almost comically small compared to how large her pale breasts were. Or her breasts were almost comically huge compared to the size of her short and petite frame. Her stomach was flat, her hips wide - she gave me an eye full when she bent over to snag her dress that I had all but ripped off of her.
"Let's go!" She decided, intent on heading there now. Her patience bottomed out whenever she got excited. "I want to go right now!"
I guess I should have seen this coming. In Skyrim, Hestia had been… saying that she had been sidelined felt wrong. The trap that she had built for Alduin was the only reason we had managed to kill him, but I know it wasn't the role that she had wanted. Hestia wanted to travel with us, not for the sake of adventure and loot, but to be with her familia. She couldn't grant a falna to herself, but anyone could have an Adventurer Card.
Knowing the fleeting moment was at an end, I pushed the covers back and swung my legs out of bed. Cracking my neck, I stood up - I didn't need to sleep, but it was nice every once and a while.
Hestia paused before leaving the room, and and her nose wrinkled as she smelled herself, "I'm going to take a bath first, but we're leaving right after, okay?!" She decided, grabbing a towel I didn't know I had before running out of the bedroom to the bath. It would be fine for her, but it would barely come up to my waist if I sat down in it.
"Okay," I agreed even though she was long out of earshot. Might as well have breakfast. I hadn't been in the mood to eat in the past week, but I was feeling it again. Plus, it would be nice to have a meal with Hestia again. It might have only been a little over a week, but how we parted made it feel so much longer. In Skyrim, I was always just a sprint home away. In Konosuba, I was across the multiverse. The fact that I couldn't see her whenever I wanted made the time that much more unbearable.
Putting on some pants and a shirt, I stepped out of the bedroom. I took a moment to consult my map to figure out where the kitchen was before I began making my way down there. As I strode through the halls, I heard another door slamming shut - I was going to chew out both Aqua and Kazuma. Didn't they know better than to slam doors for the sake of it?
Turning the corner, I saw a door left open. I swallowed an annoyed sigh, walking towards it and closing it, ignoring a small chill I felt as I walked by. Did those idiots leave a window open too? I swear to fuck. I didn't care about the mansion, but that didn't excuse them not taking care of it. It was a matter of principle.
Heading down a winding staircase, I reached the kitchen. And it would seem that someone had beaten me to it, I noted based on the sounds of someone inhaling good at an inhuman pace. Pushing the door open, I was unsurprised to see that it was Megumin rather than the rabid animal it had sounded like.
She whipped around, a loaf of bread shoved in her mouth as she instinctively held out her arms to protectively shield the pantry she was emptying out. Our eyes met for a moment, and she didn't back down. I think that she was forever stuck in 'survival mode when it came to food.
"I need some eggs, flour, yeast, sugar, salt, butter, and the syrup," I told her, choosing not to comment on the crumbs that covered her red dress while I prepared the wood stove. That would be an experience working with, but I'm sure I could handle it. I made yeast pancakes from scratch before. It shouldn't be any trouble.
Megumin's eyes lit up, "Are you making breakfast? I want some!" She informed like she hadn't just been stuffing her face. Or eaten half of the pantry as a midnight snack. The girl was a glutton.
But I was in a good mood. "Sure. Ever had pancakes before?" I asked, grabbing a pan and setting it on the stove. Megumin confirmed that she hadn't as she brought over the supplies, hovering nearby to watch me cook. I grabbed a bowl and started dumping in the ingredients, tripling the amount that I used last time to feed three people.
"And when you see Kazuma or Aqua, tell them to stop slamming doors," I said, grabbing a bottle of milk. I could never tell if it smelled spoiled or not, but it passed the taste test.
"I thought that was you or Darkness? Aqua was complaining that you were doing it to punish her for being hungover," Megumin questioned, earning a look from me.
That was weird. "She's hungover? How?" I muttered - how many times would I have to remind her that she could heal hangovers? And where did she get the booze?
Megumin shrugged, "She was pretty upset that you replaced her so easily as your goddess."
I swear… "She was never my goddess," I muttered, ignoring Megumin's intense stare as her eyes bored into the side of my head. "You should ask those questions you have. If you keep them bottled up, you'll explode."
"Ah-HA! My love is for explosion magic, and explosion magic alone! Ordinary and mundane explosions don't do anything for me!" Megumin delightfully informed. "You and Hestia seem pretty close~!" She teased, giggling to herself.
"Yeah? We're lovers," I told her, and somehow she seemed to have missed that memo.
"Wha? But what about Darkness?" She questioned, looking scandalized.
I blinked, "What about Darkness?" Despite the extreme lengths that she had gone to, I hadn't had sex with her. Or anyone since I arrived in Konosuba.
Megumin's scandalized expression grew tenfold. "What do you mean, what do I mean?! You can't toy with a lady's heart like that! What if Hestia finds out! I'll… I'll tell her! I don't care if you take away my food!" She protested and I could only imagine what was going through her mind.
I spared her a look at Megumin, who looked like she was trying very hard to treat whatever she was talking about with utmost focus, but her eyes constantly strayed to the pancakes cooking in the pan. "Feel free. I haven't slept with anyone. But Hestia doesn't care so long as she approves of the girl."
"Huh?" Megumin uttered, looking surprised..
"If Hestia approves of the girl, then we can have sex," I repeated, flipping the pancake over. It looked like it was turning out alright.
"You...what… so, if a girl wants to join this familia thing, they have to have s-sex with you?!" Megumin blurted, her shock undercut by the fact that she was eying the pancake like a dog would a bone.
I had no idea where she got that from, but… I'm betting Aqua. She was just the safe bet for saying something stupid. "No, that…" I began to argue before I thought about it. Technically speaking, I've slept with half of the female potential familia members. "It's not a requirement or anything. It just kind of happens." Lydia showed interest, but Serana was a no-go on account of her past with the god of rape and torture.
"So, this familia thing is just a front for you to have a harem!" She accused me, jabbing a finger in my face. "No wonder you were so brazen."
What was with this conversation? "Sure, let's go with that. How many pancakes do you want?"
"Can I have three? No, four!"
"Sure," I agreed, flipping the first of the bunch onto the plate and… fuck. They were a little burnt on one side. That one was going to Aqua. "And the familia is not my harem, it's…" I trailed off, pursing my lips to think about it for a moment.
Was the familia basically just a harem? I mean, I hadn't set out for that to happen, but it was shaping up to be more or less that. It wasn't like I was intending to exclude guys or anything - Farkas and Vilkas were both potential members, but… wouldn't it be a little awkward to have guys in the familia when I was sleeping with a number of women and our goddess?
It wasn't exactly a fair thought. If I could sleep with multiple women, then it was only fair that they could sleep around too, but in my heart of hearts, I could admit to being a hypocrite. I didn't like the idea of Lili with someone else. Or Aela. Or Lydia. Especially not Hestia.
Even if they were members of the familia. It was a complete double standard that wasn't okay, but it was the truth. I didn't want to share.
"You trailed off. You trailed off, you know? What does that thoughtful silence mean, Jericho? Huh? What does it mean?" Megumin questioned, her tone flat like she already knew the answer. And, well…
I shrugged, "It means I'm going to talk to Hestia about the recruitment policy." I wanted to get her thoughts on it before I said anything too incriminating. I flipped a pancake, "Why, were you wanting to join the familia?"
I cracked a smile when Megumin flushed bright red, "I thought I already was?" She questioned, adopting a hesitant tone as she gave me some serious stink eye.
"You're in the party, but being in the familia is different. You'll receive a divine blessing from Hestia, like this one, " I said, pulling up my shirt and showing her my back. Willing the falna to appear, the black ink revealed itself. It was written in the language of the gods, but it displayed my stats and skills.
Megumin made a noise of absolute delight and amazement. "A back tattoo?! I want to join! I want to join the familia!" Megumin decided, grabbing me as if I could give her mine. I ignored her easily enough - I should have guessed she would want to join for no greater reason than that tattoos were cool. She was chunni down to her core.
"Go talk to Hestia then. She should be in the bath," I told her and the Crimson Demon hopped off of the counter she had perched herself on, heading to the door, only to double back to grab Aqua's shitty plate of pancakes before running off.
I shook my head - that was going to be interesting. And just like that the familia had probably gained another member. Today was off to a pretty great start for the Hestia Familia.. Even the second batch of pancakes turned out pretty well when I finally got the hang of the wood stove. I made a giant plate stacked high with them that I brought to the dining room, before setting them on the table and grabbing the plates. One for me, Hestia, Aqua, Kazuma, Megumin… and Darkness…
"Oh, shit," I cursed to myself, realizing I had just made a horrible mistake. I pushed through a set of doors and started heading to the library. Heading down the hall, I went to a set of stairs, only to pause midstep when I could have sworn that I saw a reflection in the windows that lined the hallway. I glanced through them, going back into my perfect memory to see what it was, but all I recalled was a vague shape.
It must have come from outside, or something. I didn't have time to figure it out because of more pressing concerns.
Reaching the library, I quickly made my way down into the sex dungeon, where I was hit with what felt like a wall of sweat and arousal. My lips thinned, preparing myself for the worst as I descended the stairs. I saw that I might be dealing with the worst-case scenario - Darkness had taken off her armor, wearing nothing but the skin-tight undersuit beneath it, as she rode a horse.
Not a living one, but a wedge that came up between her legs, forcing her to press her entire body weight on a dull point that drive up into her currently very prominent cameltoe. Lines of arousal dripped down the horse's surface. Her undersuit should have soaked it up, but it had it was soaked through. Her arms were bound behind her back - something I didn't do and based on the lack of a knot in the rope that I could see, something she did to herself - her face flushed and covered in a blindfold.
"Jericho~? Is that you~? This… this denial play… is on a whole new level~." She panted, sounding absolutely delighted. Ah, shit, this was not good. With Hestia's arrival, I had completely forgotten about what I did to Darkness.
Since she found the sex dungeon, she had badgered me incessantly about it. So, I found ways to make her leave me alone for a couple of hours. I put on a blindfold, put her in the dungeon, then called it a denial play when I walked off. Normally, when I came back, she was fiddling around with one of the contraptions. But… honestly, what level of kink did you have to have to willingly put yourself on a horse and spend all night on top of it?
"Yeah… yeah," I said, rubbing my eyes. Darkness was a freak like no other. That much I could give her credit for. "Let's get you down from there. Are you thirsty?" I questioned, going ahead and grabbing a glass and filling it with water.
Darkness scoffed, "It'll take more than this to make me break and give in. You've probably… done all matters of things to that water~!" She said, her resolute tone quickly giving in to horny panting.
I looked down at the glass of water. Then at her. I swallowed a sigh before I spat on the floor. Darkness let out a moan that sounded like she was dangerously close to an orgasm. "Drink up," I told her, resignation in my tone before I brought the glass to her lips.
"Well, I-I suppose I have no choice in the matter! Hydration is important..." she muttered before she greedily began to gulp down the water she thought I spat in.
She really was in a class of her own. Once she was done, I put the glass aside and got her down from the horse, only to find that her legs couldn't support her. Darkness collapsed on the floor, still not taking off the blindfold. "It would seem you have me completely car your mercy, but I won't give in-!"
I looked down at Darkness. The situation had changed a great deal in the past twelve hours. Hestia was here. Darkness and everyone else had been hands-off because it would break Hestia's rule, and now I no longer was determined to be miserable for the sake of being miserable.
Hestia still had to give approval, but I'm confident that she would.
"Darkness, I want to make something clear," I told her before I pulled down my pants to reveal my cock at half-mast. I gave it a few strokes to harden it up and continued speaking. "I'm not who you keep claiming I am. I'm not forcing myself on anyone and I will never do anything unless I have express consent."
Darkness looked a bit troubled, right up until I smacked my cock directly into her face. She sucked in a sharp, disbelieving breath before letting it out in the form of a shuddering moan. "So, if you want this? Then you have to do two things. There's a woman named Hestia in the mansion - convince her you are worthy to join her familia. And secondly…"
I pulled my cock back the moment I saw that Darkness was going to try to lick it, "You have to stop hiding behind excuses. If you want me to fuck you, Darkness? Then admit it. Until you do both of those things, I'm not going to lay a finger on you." I told her, stuffing my dick back in my pants with some difficulty. How's that for denial play?
Darkness swallowed thickly, licking her lips, but she said nothing. Yet. Shrugging my shoulders, I started heading up the stairs and back to the dining room. Darkness would come around. I was certain of it.
"Today is a great day," I decided. I was reunited with Hestia. Megumin was likely joining the familia. Darkness might as well. And to top it all off, I was about to have pancakes. Honestly speaking, I wasn't sure how much better this day could get. I headed back up to the dining hall, feeling light as a feather with a smile on my face.
Only to have it abruptly fall when I reached the dining room to find an empty plate. The same plate that once had a solid foot of pancakes on it.
What the fuck, Megumin? Did she not understand moderation? She could have at least saved some for everyone else.
"Jericho! Jericho!" I heard the culprit in question shout out before she blasted through the doors, a wide smile on her face. She turned around and pulled her red tunic that served as a dress, completely uncaring that she flashed her black panty-clad butt at me to show off her falna. It looked much like my own - a brazier that carried a fire, lines of text along with stats. It looked like it was based on the Adventurer Card, much like mine had been based on my gamer ability.
I opened my mouth, only to catch myself. Megumin had been receiving her falna. So, there's no way it could have been her. Couldn't be Hestia for the same reason. Darkness had been with me. So… Aqua or Kazuma. So Aqua then.
"Looks good, welcome to the Hestia familia," I welcomed her. Megumin dropped her dress to turn around to beam at me, Hestia entering the dining room a second later, appearing every bit as happy.
She looked at me and gave me a fond look, "Megumin said you made breakfast?" She said, earning a shake of my head.
"No, either Aqua or Kazuma ate it all," I said, earning a puzzled look from Megumin.
"Aqua and Kazuma aren't here," she informed me, earning a slow blink in response. "They left early this morning, I think. Aqua challenged Kazuma to a duel to see who was the better Adventurer by seeing who could complete the most quests."
Okay. That was… weird, but we had a pressing issue.
"Does Kazuma not remember that he was brought back from the dead last night?" I asked, more to myself than either of them, while I dragged a hand down my face. Did he really think that no one would have questions about that? The entire city, for days, had mourned him. Women were crying in the streets, and some men too. Babies were being named after him. I'm pretty sure they were building a monument of him.
And he was just going to roll up like he hadn't been dead for three days?
"We'll get breakfast in the city. Let's go grab them before something terrible happens," I sighed. So much for my good day. But, it was salvageable. Nothing could have happened yet. I shouldn't just assume that they would screw things up somehow.
Hestia nodded while Megumin practically skipped out of the door. Darkness… honestly, Darkness was probably tearing through the house looking for Hestia, but she didn't find her in time. I loaded Hestia and Megumin into the carriage and began to push it to Axel. Making sure to close the gates behind me, I dug my feet in and sped forward.
I was a level 3 now. It was a little difficult to properly gauge how strong I was, but there was no comparison to my strength now compared to when I was a level 2. Just like there was no comparing being a level 2 to being level 1. I'm sure if I tried, I could outrun a car. Something like 150 mph? Maybe 200? I couldn't tell.
I made quick work of the distance between the mansion and Axel. We worryingly hadn't passed by neither Aqua nor Kazuma on the road. Meaning that they had beat us to Axel. So, despite knowing I should have a little faith in them, I began to prepare myself for the worst-case scenario.
The situation with Axel was worse than anything I could have possibly imagined.
The wagon rolled into town and I was greeted by the sound of laughter, shouts of joy, cheering… a man sprinting up to me with a wild look in his eyes that scared the absolute shit out of me. "It's a miracle! A true miracle! Kazuma the Terrific has risen from the dead through the power of our goddess Aqua! Have you accepted her into your heart? If you join the Axis church now, you get a commemorative basket of hand sanitizer and dish soap!"
I looked at the guy before my gaze slid outward, sweeping over the people in the city. Every single one of them was wearing blue. People were decorating their homes and shops with blue. I saw a guy getting a tattoo of Aqua on his face - not like a small Aqua on his cheek or anything, but full-on tattooing Aqua's face over his own.
"I… already… accepted her into my heart…" I trailed off, pushing the wagon forward as I looked on in growing horror. The guy waved me off with a great big smile on his face.
"Excellent, my brother! Remember - Eris pads her chest!" He shouted before wandering off.
Hestia peeked out from the wagon, "She does." She confirmed, eyeing the city with degrees of unease. "Jericho? I don't like this place. It scares me."
"The Axis cult has spread? This… I'd rather the Demon King invade…" Megumin muttered, sounding similarly frightened.
I blew out a slow breath. This city just became a complete write-off as far as I was concerned. And I was getting eerie reminders of Markarth, based on the passed-out drunks in the street as we neared the Guildhall. It seemed Aqua had followed through on her plan to make alcohol an offering.
"I don't think this world can be saved," I muttered to myself, spotting a statue of Kazuma and Aqua holding hands. The Demon King wasn't the real threat, it would seem. It was the idiots who lived here.
Looking away, I came to a stop in front of the Guildhall, which sounded like there was an absolute rager going on inside. Above all else, I heard Aqua's name being chanted. I had no clue if she was inside, and frankly, I didn't want to know. Hestia and Megumin got out, joining me inside.
The first thing I noticed was a very stressed-out-looking Luna trying to get things under control. She wasn't doing a very good job based on the chair that crashed through the window. Stepping inside, she looked at me with despair that blossomed into hope.
"Jericho? I… what… the Aqua you traveled with was the real goddess Aqua?" She questioned, her eyes flickering to Hestia.
I guess that cat is out the bag, "Yeah, she's a bit of an idiot." I offered, much to the chagrin of some random no-name Adventurer that thought he'd act tough. I grabbed him by the face and squeezed, not breaking eye contact with Luna, "This is Hestia, my goddess. She's here for an Adventurer Card."
Luna looked a bit taken back, her eyes flickering to the party that was tearing up the Guildhall.
I shrugged, "I couldn't care less about this city." I told her, making her lips thin, but her expression was more sad than condemning.
"I suppose I can't blame you. And… would you please let go of him?" She questioned, prompting me to fling the Adventurer back into the crowd. They thought he was a crowd surfer so they started pushing him around as they cheered. Luna looked to Hestia, clearly having questions, but choosing to swallow them down.
This was a disaster, I thought to myself. Gods really do dick everything up. It's honestly incredible.
"I want to be… a Divine Cleric!" Hestia decided, announcing her class. I looked over at her to see her wearing a proud smile on her face as Luna and Megumin gaped at her. I had no clue what that meant beyond that Hestia chose to be a White Mage. I think it suited her perfectly.
Others seemed to disagree.
Aqua strode into the building, her hands on her hips with a pouty expression on her face. "You can't have a Divine Class! That's not fair! I couldn't pick any Divine classes!" She pouted, looking to Luna, who looked like she would rather be anywhere else on the planet than where she was.
Luna looked away, "Your… Intelligence Stat… too low…" she mumbled in response, her words nearly lost in the commotion.
Aqua looked to Hestia, looking on the verge of an absolute meltdown.
Hestia smirked.
"You aren't the better goodness! Can you do… this?!" She demanded, pulling out two fans from her sleeves with a look of absolute smugness on her face. My jaw dropped, an expression of pure horror finding its way on my face.
No. She couldn't have. She wouldn't…
She did.
"Aqua, you-!" I started to yell, knowing it was too late, but I was immediately cut off when jets of water began to spurt up from her hand fans when she unfolded them. The water cast a small rainbow for a few seconds, the water spread out into a fine mist.
Ah… pretty.
Wait, what? Did that just overcome my Mind Defense? Something that Sheogorath failed to do? Did Aqua… did she… did that absolute moron dump all of her skill points into a party trick?!
Aqua did an amazing toss, a fan landing on her nose while she balanced on one leg.
Amazing-
No. No. I was supposed to be pissed-.
Aqua twirled, her skirt lifting up to reveal that she had no panties on, as she struck a pose with her two fans balancing on the tip of a finger.
Absolutely phenomenal-
I sighed, giving up as Hestia rose to the challenge. A smile tugged at my lips as I began to cheer for Hestia… and beat the absolute shit out of anyone that was talking trash about her.
I couldn't beat them, so might as well join them.
...
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