Me and Cappie are laying next to each other in his bed now. I was wearing a pink ZBZ tank top and some pajama shorts and he was in his boxers and a grey t shirt.
"Can't sleep?", Cappie turns over on his side to look at me after we've been laying here for what feels like years.
"No… can you?"
"Nope", Cappie sighs out.
"Well… at least we can spiral together", I say sarcastically.
"Yeah", Cap scoffs. "I'm… I'm really happy you're here though Case".
He meets my eyes when he says that, looking at me so genuinely.
I feel my heart swell in my body then and my expression softens.
"Me too Cap", I say quietly, giving him a nod, my dimples showing as I can't help but smile.
He grins in response to me, giving me a sheepish nod.
"So… when do you wanna tell people? You want to wait a bit?", He asks.
"Yeah I mean, I'll get it confirmed tomorrow and then… well then I feel like we could tell close friends I guess… and our families. But everyone else I feel like we should wait until I'm farther along, sometimes pregnancies don't stick", I explain to him and he looks at me slightly confused.
"Miscarriages Cap", I explain. "It could happen".
I shrug then.
"Oh okay yeah", Cappie nods, taking this in.
"Which, if it happened... would mean you'd be off the hook but… I have a feeling it won't since I'm young and healthy I think", I shrug.
"I… I don't wanna be off the hook Case", Cappie looks at me seriously.
"You don't?", I raise my eyebrow.
"Well no… I don't want you to miscarriage if that's what you're thinking", He gives me a look like I'm crazy. "If you're for sure pregnant, which it seems like you are… I'm gonna just try and embrace it".
He nods nervously, looking like he's partially just trying to convince himself.
"Yeah?", I question him, a little surprised.
"Yeah I've already thought about whether it's a girl or a boy", He gives me a slight smirk. "The guys would probably love a KT legacy baby".
"Well too bad because there's a fifty percent chance there's a ZBZ legacy in here Cap", I cross my arms sassily, playing along with him as I lift up the covers to point to my still completely flat belly.
Cap gives me a smirk and then I feel his eyes travel down to my stomach, looking at it like it's something to be scared of, like it's a bomb about to go off.
I can't help but watch him, watch the wheels turning in his head as he looks over my body.
"I'm gonna get huge Cap", I say with a whine, interrupting his stare.
"Yeah that you will", Cappie laughs.
"It's not funny!", I giggle, crossing my arms at him. "I'm not gonna be able to wear any of my favorite clothes, I'm probably gonna get stretch marks, and I'm eventually gonna have to give up my heels and then I'll look like a midget next to you! Not to mention soon I'll probably start to go so insane because of the baby hormones that you won't even want to get back together with me by the end of this Cap".
I give him a look then, joking around slightly, but still panicking out of my mind.
Cap acts like he's thinking to himself and then he shakes his head.
"Me not wanting to be with you? Nope, not possible", He gives me a smile and I feel butterflies afoot in my belly, reminding me that he can still seem to always make that happen to me.
"Well…", I say awkwardly, feeling the need to change the subject. "You'll just have to deal with the mood swings then… since it's your stupid sperm's fault we're in this mess".
"Hey!", Cappie laughs then, putting up his hands. "I'm pretty sure your egg thingy just hanging around in there waiting to be fertilized didn't help!"
Cappie gestures down to my belly with a laugh.
"Actually…", I think to myself then. "You know whose fault this actually is?! Rebecca's!"
Cappie gives me a quizzical look.
"She's the one that got me drunk!", I can't help but be annoyed. "If I wasn't drunk I wouldn't have pounced on you, wouldn't have taken your pants off and gotten on top of you like-"
"Like I was a one of those mechanical bulls that you ride at a bar?", Cappie grins and I give him a glare.
"Yes. Like that", I settle on with an embarrassed groan. "Anyway it's totally Rebecca's fault! Or… or maybe it's Ashleigh's fault since fighting with her is what led me to drinking!"
"Sure yeah, let's blame us having unprotected sex and getting pregnant on your two best friends", Cappie scoffs at me sarcastically.
"Or!", I exclaim. "If we want to really go back, this whole thing is actually Joel's fault! Stupid Joel!"
"Wait why is this Joel's fault?", Cap laughs, amused with me right now.
"Because! Because he wrote me a bad letter of recommendation and that's why I didn't get into CRU law at first!", I explain, still annoyed with Joel. "And if he'd never done that then I would've gotten in, me and you wouldn't have broken up, I never would've gone off the pill, and that egg you're talking about wouldn't have been waiting there to be fertilized!"
I ramble on frustratingly, hating Joel's guts right now even more than I already did.
"Damn, that's horrible, why would Joel do that to you?", Cap looks at me seriously now, annoyed for me.
"Because he came onto me last year and I turned him down and… because he's an ass!", I groan.
"Wow…", Cappie takes this in. "I guess… things could've really been different then… if he hadn't have done that".
"Yeah we could've still been together, spent the summer together… And then we wouldn't have had a drunken hookup and I wouldn't currently have your DNA fused with mine and attaching into my uterine lining right now", I sigh.
Cappie gives me a confused look then.
"Right you probably didn't pay attention in your high school health class, did you?", I give him a playful roll of my eyes and a glare.
"Biology was only my major for a week. I never got to the reproductive system lesson part", He gives me a smirk and I can't help but scoff. "I only know the basics of the whole… baby making process".
"Really? Because I'm pretty sure you're well versed in the 'baby making process'", I give him a cross of my arms, speaking sarcastically. "Since I don't know anyone else on this campus who's done it as much as you have".
He can't help but break out into a smirk then.
"Right", He nods, licking his lips. "But… I was talking about the whole… pregnancy and baby inside you thing".
"Well basically it's just a cluster of cells right now Cap", I explain to him. "I don't think it even looks like a baby".
"Well… maybe we'll get to see it tomorrow", Cappie looks to me, looking worried I think, but a small smile crosses his face nonetheless, I notice it.
"Maybe…", I feel my heat start to pound then. "Which scares the hell out of me…"
I sigh, thoughts racing through my mind.
"Once I actually… see it", I explain. "Then… this whole thing becomes real".
"I know", Cap speaks quietly, nodding and reaching out to take my hand in his, I think knowing how panicked I was right now.
"Cap do you... do you think… I'm making a mistake by wanting to have it?", I look to him worriedly, stuttering a little bit.
He thinks to himself for a moment and then shakes his head.
"No", He lands on a response. "I mean, I want you to do whatever you want, whatever you think is best for you because it's your body. But… I think that if your first instinct was to have it, it probably was for a reason. Right?"
I nod up and down, still nervous about it, but knowing he's right.
"Well I think that says all you need to know", Cappie says with a small shrug.
"I know…", I sigh deeply. "I… I don't want to have an abortion and… and I don't want to give it up for adoption. I know once I see it I wouldn't be able to anyways".
"Me neither", Cappie nods. "Besides… a little person that's half you half me…"
He scoffs to himself then.
"They'll be a type A slacker, it'll be amazing", He laughs.
"Lord help me if the baby is like you Cap", I can't help but laugh, giving him a roll of my eyes.
"Oh c'mon!", He gives me a look, his blue eyes getting that glint of mischief in them that I knew all too well. "You like me!"
I purse my lips then, biting down on my bottom lip, trying to keep from smiling but it's not exactly working out. I try to avoid his gaze for a moment, knowing that if his eyes meet mine I'm just going to give in.
"Fine…", I say, looking over at him slowly. "I… wouldn't mind having a baby with some of your characteristics".
"Mmm", He grins then. "Well hopefully it'll at least get your looks and not mine".
I can't help but blush then.
"This is crazy… us talking about what our baby is going to be like…", I shake my head in disbelief. "I just… I never thought that I'd be pregnant right now, it's still hard to wrap my head around".
"I know", Cappie sighs out. "You and me have… been in this room so many times together and now we're here… you with a cluster of cells, or whatever it currently is, in you".
He looks down to my flat belly again, still looking scared.
I put my hand on my belly then, a little bit hesitantly.
Cappie watches as I rest my palm against my lower stomach.
"It feels really weird", I sigh. "If I wasn't so sick and so tired this past week and if my boobs didn't hurt so much then I wouldn't even be able to believe it".
"Why do you boobs hurt?", Cap scoffs slightly.
"Hormones from the baby… hormones do a lot of weird stuff to your body when you're a girl", I explain.
"Well…", Cappie gets a joking smirk on his face then. "I will do the valiant thing and massage them if need be. It'll be rough but… I'm up for it".
"I think I'll be okay Prince Charming", I give him a joking glare and then laugh. "But nice to know chivalry is still alive and well".
"I know right", he plays along as I can't help but giggle to myself, Cappie always somehow making me laugh even when I was on the verge of a panic attack tonight.
We come down from laughing and then look to each other and it's hard not to feel it again. That tension that we always had. I'd felt it since the night I met him. It's why, even at 18, I had grabbed his hand that first night, had wanted to dance with him. Not Evan. Evan seemed like a nice guy that night... but then I met Cappie and instantly felt that tension with him, that lightning in a bottle type chemistry. I had never felt that with anyone until him.
I can feel my heart rate going up as he smiles at me, his blue eyes finding mine and holding my gaze, making me want to do much for than just sleep beside him in a platonic way tonight.
"Well uh…", Cap seems to snap out of the trance we're in. "You should probably get some sleep Case. I know it's hard but… we have that appointment tomorrow and you should at least get a bit of rest".
"I know", I sigh. "It's just hard to sleep when you're anxious".
"I know", he nods sympathetically. "But… try not to be. Maybe this was… fate?"
Cappie shrugs and I think this over.
"Yeah…", I say meekly, not really believing it. "Or karmic synergy?"
I give him a laugh.
"Yeah, or that", He smirks.
"Okay Cap", I nod even though I'm still not convinced in any way that this will be easy, that this will even be something I can handle.
But I know there's nothing I can do to feel more secure tonight. Being here with him was at least way better than being back at ZBZ and panicking all alone.
"Goodnight. Thanks for… being here", I give him a quick smile.
"Yeah", he nods, speaking like it's obvious. "Of course Case… goodnight".
He gives me a smile and then I turn onto my side, cozying into his bed.
All I really wanted right now was for us to sleep like we used to, to feel his body against mine spooning me. To feel his warmth, his safety.
And obviously I knew I could have that in seconds if I just asked him. But tonight I wasn't drunk like I was the other night that this… cluster of cells was made. So I didn't have that liquid courage to get close to him again.
So for now I would just lay here, at least knowing he's here with me, and try to get some sleep. If I was going to get through tomorrow I was going to need it.
I dream of that night. I think because it had been on my mind so much when I was falling asleep. Being next to Cappie again made me think about it. Made me think about how just three weeks prior his hands were all over me, his lips too. How just three weeks prior I'd felt so close to him again, so safe in his arms, so in love with him.
And at least in my dreams I can relive that night over and over again. Even if I can't have the real thing anytime soon. If ever again.
October 14th 2010. Friday Night of Homecoming at CRU.
"What are we doing? What is this?", He looks at me so confused, so desperate for me to just tell him what's going on.
And it dawns on me, even in my slightly drunk state, how much Cappie has actually grown up. In junior year he wouldn't have even questioned this, he would've just had sex with me, no questions asked. I mean… that's basically what happened between us during rush junior year.
But now I could tell he was feeling trepidation around this, around me and him. Around the way I was unbuttoning his shirt, around the way I refused to leave his lips. And maybe it's because we were drunk, me more than him, or maybe it's because I've hurt him too many times to count now and he didn't want this to just be a hookup.
Either way, this was one time I wish he would just be like his usual self and not think so much. I just wanted him to do this with me. I'd wanted it since me and Ash had run into him at Doblers yesterday. I didn't know if it was because now that I was off the pill I started ovulating again the past few months and I'd forgotten how much that changed my libido during that week every month. The past two days I'd been really feeling it. But I'd pushed it down of course. I was busy, I was in law school, I had Ash sleeping right next to my bed. Not to mention, the only person on this campus, actually... the only person on this planet, that I wanted to have sex with… came with way too much baggage.
So I was fated to just go without, to just be a little on edge, a little irritable and… horny. At least until this ovulation or whatever it was that was making me want sex passed. I would just wait it out.
But that was easy to say when I was sober me. That me was put together, responsible, knew how to control myself.
But get me drunk and alone with Cappie and things were pretty well out of my control, I knew where things were gonna end up. Or where I wanted them to end up at least.
I knew that his hands felt way too good on me as he helped me home, that his scent was too familiar, his smile too charming to me. His whole presence felt overwhelmingly safe and homey to me. And I didn't want to go another day without taking advantage of the fact that I had gotten to stay at CRU, of the fact that me and Cappie were both here, we were both single, and we were both still in love with each other. At least… I assumed we were. I was. And I knew that he wanted to get back together with me so I figured he was too.
That was the worst part about our breakup, the fact that we didn't end things because we didn't love each other.
So all the feelings were still there.
Of course they were. I can feel it when I look at him now.
Say something Casey!, I think to myself.
I'm a little out of it, but I know I have to say something to get him to do this with me, to get him to just give in to me.
I think about me and Ashleigh's fight earlier. How she said I'm holding out for some delusional fairytale life where in which me and Cappie end up happily ever after.
So what if I was?
"It's a fairytale", I say to Cappie then.
Because that is what it was with him. Maybe it was delusional, maybe it was naive, stupid to think that he could ever change. That after two failed attempts at a relationship that we could ever make it work for real.
Cappie just stares back at me in awe, taking my words in.
I just needed to kiss him. I just needed to show him that I want this, and that he wants it too. Because it was me and him, I knew he would want this.
I lean up to kiss him then, taking his bottom lip in both of mine, kissing him as he stands frozen for a moment, I think still trying to decide what to do.
But I just keep kissing him, keeping undoing the buttons on his flannel shirt until eventually it's fully undone, shirt open to reveal his black tank top.
Suddenly he kisses me back intently, kisses me back like he means it.
I moan out then in surprise, in delight, knowing that now I've got him on board with me. Thank god.
He's kissing me hungrily now, us both slipping our tongues into the equation as he starts to move me backwards towards my bed.
This is really happening!, I think to myself, feeling excitement all over my body, tingling with goosebumps already.
I hadn't even so much as kissed someone in 5 months now.
But I'd rather kiss no one if I couldn't kiss him.
I rip off my scarf then as we make our way back to my bed, Cappie putting his arms under me to throw me down on it gently as I let out a slight whimper. I plop down on the bed and not even seconds later he's on top of me, moving in to kiss my neck. Then he pulls back and I pray he doesn't decide to stop but luckily all he's doing is just pulling off his flannel button up top that I'd unbuttoned.
I grin and follow his lead, pulling my top off as well to reveal my white lace bra.
He stares down at me then, eyes trailing down my body for a quick moment as he looks in up at my face awe and then leans in again to kiss me.
I have my legs wrapped around him, him holding my head in his hands as we make out. I can tell how hungry we both are for this, he's kissing me like it's our last night on earth. And I know that he must feel the way I do, feel the relief to be with him like this again after waiting all this time.
I start to pull at the straps of my bra, pulling one down my shoulder and then going to work on his black tank top. Finding the hem of it while my lips are still intermingled with his, trying to taking it off without even being able to see.
He realizes what I'm doing and pulls away from my lips for a moment, giving me a smirk as he pulls his tank over his head quickly and tosses it to the side.
"Is that what you wanted?", He raises his eyebrow at me as he smirks his usual grin that makes my stomach flip flop.
I nod up and down ravenously, not knowing what to say but wanting to keep taking articles of his clothing off so badly.
I pull at his belt then, getting that off too, much to his amusement.
"Casey…", He trails off as he shakes his head at me in disbelief, looking down at me, I think still wrapping his head around the fact that this is actually happening right now.
"What?", I whine, hoping he's not going to stop this.
"Nothing I just… you're sure you want this right? You're not just doing this because you're drunk?", He looks at me seriously.
"I want this", I put my one hand on his cheek, feeling the stubble underneath, looking at him like I'm practically pleading. I make my green eyes into a doe eyed look then. I knew he hard a time refusing me in any circumstance, but especially if we're talking about sex.
"Okay", he nods up and down and then smiles, unable to conceal the way this makes him excited to no end. "Well let me catch up on you then. Let's get these pants off".
He looks down at me with one of those seductive grins of his and I can feel my heart race at that, at the way he travels down my body, his focus going to unzipping my jeans. He pulls them down my legs, revealing my matching white lace underwear.
He tosses my jeans to the side and comes back to hover over me.
"Wow…", he takes his time looking down my body. "You are just…"
He scoffs then, shaking his head, his sentence trailing off for a moment until he eventually finishes it.
"The most beautiful girl… ever Case", He grins, his gaze coming back up to my face now as I blush, putting my hands over my face, feeling a little sheepish now at his sweet compliment.
"Don't hide", He whispers, taking my hands off gently. "I'm gonna need to see your face for this".
He grins suggestively then, making me start to shake underneath him in anticipation as he lifts me up slightly, bringing my forward to him. His hands weave around my back to easily undo my bra, bringing it down my arms and throwing it to the side of my bed.
He grins at me and then looks down at my chest. Of course. Cappie was always really into my boobs.
He leans in to kiss down my neck as I lay back against my pillows again, him travelling down my collarbone until he reaches his destination. He kisses across both my breasts, bringing his mouth to focus on my right nipple, circling it with his tongue as I feel myself moan out. Goosebumps travel all over my body at the way I feel his warm breath on my breasts, at the way I feel my nipple get hard between his lips.
"Cappie….", I moan out and pull him in closer to me.
He pulls his lips away with a popping sound, using his mouth instead now to smirk up at me, truly looking like a devil right now.
He doesn't keep my gaze for long because he doesn't waste time not using his lips to explore down my body. He kisses down my ribs, then down my stomach, onto my hips, then overtop my underwear. That last part makes my breathing start to become jagged.
"Wait…", He stops for a moment, looking up from his spot in between my legs, his fingers woven into the sides of my white lace underwear.
I sit up a bit, propping myself up on my elbows. I really hope he's not going to choose today to be responsible. Because I needed this so badly. Especially now that we'd started.
We lock eyes, his full of trepidation, staring down my mostly naked body.
"You're one hundred percent sure about this right?", He gives me a careful look, resting his large hands on each side of my hips. I feel goosebumps underneath his warm touch and I knew I needed more of it. More of his body all over mine, whatever it took. I wanted him inside me tonight. "Because once I take these off…"
"I'm sure, I promise", I say sternly. "I want you Cap, I want this…. Please".
"Okay", he nods, looking a little confused but his eyes light up nonetheless, a smile he can't possibly wipe off gracing his lips.
"Here", I get an idea, trying to move things along, trying to show him at any cost that I was sure about this.
I take his hand in mine and guide it into my panties, letting his long fingers find their way to what I'm trying to show him.
When he realizes what I'm doing he looks up at me with a smirk on his face.
"See how much I want this with you", I lock eyes with him, my hand on top of his as he explores down where I'm aching for him, down where I'm already slick with wanting.
He scoffs slightly, biting his lip as he's completely unable to hide his sheer amusement at what's happening right now between us. Especially when I'm not sure if he knew if this would ever happen again. Not after I'd been the one who told him I wasn't sure if we should try again.
But now here I was, laying here dripping wet for him and just begging him to give in to me.
"Fuck… I haven't even touched you here yet…", He laughs slightly.
"I know", I say breathily, grinning.
He slowly slips a finger inside of me then, making me buck my hips up as I moan out, taking a sharp breath in.
I hadn't so much as kissed anyone since we'd broken up in April, much less had anyone touch me like this.
I lean up then to take his lips into mine as we kiss, me moving my hips back and forth, grinding against his hand, feeling his finger move in and out of me. If this felt this good right now I couldn't imagine how good the real thing was going to be after all this time.
He pulls away from my lips then, giving me a devilish grin before taking his finger out of me slowly, bringing it up to his face and putting it into his mouth, then pulling it out clean.
I just watch him as my heart pounds in anticipation, not having expected it.
I feel my face getting hot underneath him. Honestly, the things he could do to me…
"I just needed to remember what you taste like", He grins his usual smirk as he licks his lips and I can't help but scoff, my body frozen, turned on and waiting for him to make the next move.
He leans down to kiss me again, softly, not as desperate and hungry as our earlier kisses, this one's much slower. He's drawing it out, slipping his tongue in to play against mine, making me taste everything possible too.
When we part I'm out of breath, partly because his mouth had been on mine so long and partly because I'm so incredibly worked up at this point.
I grin up at him, sure I'm blushing like crazy right now. I try to shimmy out of my panties, wanting them off of me so I can get him to finally relieve the aching between my legs. I'm drunk though and can't see down there with him on top of me so I'm not exactly getting them off easily. Cappie just looks me over, amusement on his face.
"I've got it Case", He smirks, taking my hands away and doing it himself, pulling the white lace fabric down my legs and off my feet so there isn't a square inch of clothing left on me. He discards them onto the floor somewhere I would find later.
He grins at me and then looks down to focus his attention on where I'd brought his hand to earlier. He licks his lips and then looks back up at me with a smirk, gently parting my legs open.
I start to moan as I feel his breath on my inner thigh, placing soft kisses up and down them as his hand goes to work trailing up and down my opening.
I'm sure he knows he doesn't have to warm me up. He knew my body well enough at this point, I was obviously ready to go. He was just drawing it out, teasing me like he so often does. Even back in freshman year when I had barely known what sex even entailed he always surprised me with all the other things he would do before the main event. Many of which were things just exclusive to him, things that sex with Evan or Max never had.
One of those things is the way he's rubbing slow gentle circles on that one spot that he knows drives me crazy right now. His mouth is at work on the inside of my thigh, sucking and biting. His hand rests across my lower belly, putting down pressure as his thumb is using my wetness to create circular motions on my clit.
"Oh my god", I whine as I start to squirm underneath him. "Cappie!"
In response he just snickers against my thigh, getting a kick out of my moaning, I'm sure.
He keeps my legs apart with his free hand even with my squirming, even with the way they start to shake uncontrollably.
I realize I haven't even gotten to him yet. Haven't even gotten his boxers off, haven't run my hand along him, haven't used my mouth. But that was pretty typical with Cappie, he got to me first, sometimes spent eternities just stimulating every inch of my body. Usually it was my favorite thing about being with him like this, one of the reasons no one has measured up to him after losing my virginity to him. But tonight it just won't do, not when I had gone without sex for months.
"Cappie", I groan out.
"Mmm hmm?", He lazily replies, moving his mouth up now to lick down my center, forcing me to let out an involuntary whimper.
"I'm going crazy", I whine. "I can't do this, I need you inside me right now okay?"
I'm practically begging, panting and in a pleasure induced haze right now.
He looks up, moving his hands so he's gripping me on each of my hips.
"Sorry, what was that?", He smirks, playing around with me.
"Ugh!", I roll my eyes. "You're driving me insane, just come up here already!"
"Okay", he grins, that glint he gets in his blue eyes showing, him full well knowing I'm physically aching for him at this point.
"Here! I wanna go on top", I sit up now with a smile, the fact that I'm drunk is giving me confidence I don't usually have in the bedroom.
I watch the way his face turns into a surprised expression. Surprised but definitely happy.
"Well I certainly have no objections to that idea", He jokes as I sit up, the two of us shuffling around as he lays back against my pillows.
I pull his boxers down now as I lock eyes with him and give him a giggle.
"You're insane right now", Cappie can't help but laugh, but he looks so incredibly amused by. His cheeks are slightly blushed, his eyes mischievous, his lips pink from being kissed out.
"No I'm not!", I laugh in response. "I just… want you".
His joking expression goes a bit more serious then, eyes searing into mine.
"Well… you have me", He gives me a nod. "You know that".
This new air of seriousness scares me slightly so I just give him a quick grin and then move myself over him, straddling him, trying to get in position. He's staring up and down my completely naked body now as I watch him bite his lip, trying to conceal a smile I think. I'm running my hand up and down his length trying to get him even more turned on. Not that he needed to be, I'm pretty sure he couldn't get any harder if he tried.
"Fuck", he lets out breathily and then looks up at me and I grin at him, happy to drive him crazy for a change.
I move myself onto him slowly, getting back to my task at hand; having him inside me.
He helps me out, each of his hands holding onto my hips as he watches me rub up against him, using him to run along my most delicate parts. It certainly felt good but I didn't want to waste too much time, he'd already touched me enough down there.
I start to guide him into me, moving myself down onto him further little by little as I adjust to him.
I wasn't used to this anymore, wasn't used to having something this big in me. I hadn't had sex for months and I didn't use toys or anything when I'm on my own. I was way too scared to do that.
I think Cappie can sense the way I'm almost having a little trouble getting him more than halfway into me.
"You okay?", He runs his one hand up and down on my waist comfortingly.
I look to meet his eyes, seeing the worlds sweetest expression on his face.
"Yeah don't worry," I give him a shy smile and then let out a slight whimper as I move down further into him. My legs are right against his body, the outside of my core against him if I start to grind, him fully inside me now. "I'm just… not used to this anymore".
I sigh out then, a pleasure filled smile making its way across my face as I breathe in and out in a slight panting.
"Wow", I let out the one word breathily as I feel completely full now, the pressure easing a bit.
"Feel better now?", He smirks his usual smirk as he looks up, licking his lips, looking amused as ever with me. He knew this is what I wanted.
"Yeah", is all I feel I can really get out as I nod up and down. Actual sentences seemed like too much right now, I just wanted to bask in this for awhile, feeling him like this again.
"I… I forgot how good this feels Cap", I moan out then, my whole pelvis feeling like it's on fire now that he's inside me. In a good way of course.
Cappie can't help but smile, licking his lips, loving this I'm sure.
"Case you haven't even moved yet", Cap laughs.
I can't help but go red then, my cheeks hot as I put my two hands over my face in embarrassment.
"It's been a really long time okay?", I giggle, defending myself. "So this…"
I give him a seductive look then, being a bit drunk giving me more confidence. I smirk at him half jokingly and then start to move back and forth, grinding against him with him inside me.
"Feels really really good", I sigh out then, finishing my sentence, closing my eyes in pleasure. "Ughhh".
"Good, I'm definitely enjoying the show", He grins and I can't help but open my eyes again just to roll them at him.
He just smirks at me in response, his blue eyes shining, looking so incredibly happy right now. He's leaning against my pillows, sitting just back from 90 degrees, holding me in his lap.
He leans forward then to pull me in closer to him, his one hand on my cheek as he pulls me in to kiss me. I keep up my movements as we kiss, moving back and forth in a rhythm that's currently making me feel like I'm going out of my mind.
It was hard not to feel close to him like this, really hard. His one hand in my hair now, the other on my bare back, his tongue finding it's way to play against mine, the feeling of being completely full of him making me go crazy.
When he pulls away from my lips I just grin at him, moving my hand behind him to grip onto my headboard, needing something to hold onto so I can start to move up and down on him now. This leads my breasts to fall closer in front of his face as they bob up and down with my movements, seem to amuse him to no end.
"What?", I question him with a smirk, a bit out of breath as I move up and down, moving my hand from my headboard to now rest on his chest.
"Nothing… just watching you ride me is like… top 3 experiences of my entire life", He grins devilishly.
"Well…", I giggle as I move back and forth again now, alternating between going up and down and grinding back and forth. "It is for me too. Only if it's with you though".
"Mmm really?", He smirks as I feel his hands move from the sides of my hips to grip onto his ass.
"Mmm hmm", I nod up and down with a giggle. "Always has been my favorite, you know that".
He gives me a devilish smile then, licking his lips as he swears under his breath in pleasure and I can see the wheels turning in his head, making a decision.
He turns us over then, surprising me and making me giggle in the process.
"Cap!", I let out with a laugh as he's now flipped me over onto my back, on top of me now as he's pinning me down.
I can't help but feel my heart pound in excitement.
He's hovering over me, looking down at me with a smile.
"You really mean that?", He looks at me like he's searching for an answer.
"Mean what?"
"The only with you thing…?", He questions.
I pause for a moment, my heart pounding just by the way that his blue eyes search through mine.
"You know I mean it Cap", I say. "Why do you think I always come back to you no matter what happens between us?"
He grins then, his usual Cappie grin.
This is something I probably wouldn't admit to him if I was sober, but there was a reason I hadn't had sex since we broke up. I had already come to realize over the past four years that if I couldn't have sex with him then there wasn't really any point in doing it. With Evan our relationship was all about the Greek system, which worked for me at the time, but sex hadn't ever come that easy to us. It was always sort of awkward and I felt insecure with him sometimes, like I couldn't trust him fully. Which only proved harder when he cheated on me with Rebecca. After that I truly was never able to have sex with him without it feeling like I was forcing myself to.
That's why I had chosen Cappie for that night during rush to get back at Evan. Even if I didn't think I should be with Cappie at the time because of his party animal ways, and the fact that Frannie hated him for ZBZ's image, I still was a little happy to get a pass to be with him again for a night. And that's why it happened more than once that night. Because I hadn't been with anyone like that since me and him had broken up. Hadn't really had sex like this.
And then with Max I really thought that things would work out. But when he came back from England I was already feeling like my feelings for Cappie were coming back up. And then we'd had sex for the first time the day Max came back and I'd laid there after, knowing that it wasn't anything like how it would've been like if it was with Cappie.
I'd pretty much just accepted my fate that I wouldn't be able to match what me and Cappie had with any other guy. And maybe it was just a coincidence, maybe it's because Cappie had a lot of practice at the whole sex thing, or maybe it was because I lost my virginity to him. I don't know, but it was probably always going to be this way. Even if I didn't know whether to get back together with him or not I couldn't help myself from wanting to do this. And being drunk just allowed me to let my inhibitions down and do it.
Cappie leans down to kiss me then, bringing me out of my thoughts. I can feel him smiling through our kiss, I think just happy that I'd actually told him that, that I'm being so honest with him tonight.
Maybe it had only been 5 months since we'd slept together but it felt like a million years to me. And I know it probably did to him too because we were both hungry for each other. I could feel it.
While his lips are on mine he surprises me by plunging into me again. I breathe in sharply, moaning out, somehow in this position feeling like he's able to find his way even deeper into me.
"Cap…", I let out his name in a deep breath, looking up at him above me to meet his eyes as he looks down at me.
He smiles softly, holding my one leg up slightly as it's keeping me open wide so he can find his way into me further.
He leans down to kiss me again, slow and gentle, taking his time with it.
I'd be content to do this all day, to just feel him like this again after it had been so long. I would never admit it but I missed him more than I could even explain over the summer.
He seems content to do this too, when he pulls away from my lips he's just smiling down at me, watching me try to regain my breathing right.
"I missed you so much Case", He whispers as he shakes his head as if he's in disbelief, looking fully serious as he rests his hand on my cheek. "You have no idea".
He's looking at me so incredibly genuinely right now, so sincerely that it just about makes me cry.
"I missed you too Cappie", I let out in a soft voice, my voice almost cracking because I'm so emotional. I meet his eyes fully, making sure to look at him the same way he was looking at me. I wanted him to know I meant it. Because I did. Even if I was the one out of the two of us who was holding back at the idea of getting back together. Even if I was the one who said nothing had changed between us, that we still had the same roadblocks in front of us.
It didn't mean that I didn't want to be with him. Of course I did. Why else would I try so hard to stay here at CRU? Why else would I spend the whole summer avoiding any other guys? Why else had I basically vowed to myself that I wasn't having sex again unless it was with him. I'd already gone down that road, already tried to date other guys like I did with Max last year when I knew deep down I really wanted to be with Cappie. So I wasn't going to do it anymore. Not when I knew it would just end with me in bed with Cappie like always.
He looks at me shyly after I declare I missed him too, I'm sure relishing in it.
He leans down to kiss me then and I feel him begin to move more intently inside me, finding a certain rhythm as I start to move with him too.
I'm feeling a storm of things right now in my body. First off, all the emotion that came with this, knowing how much I missed him, knowing how much I loved him. Second, I feel our lips exploring each other, his tongue weaving in as he kisses me hungrily. And third, I feel him moving into me, fairly gently right now, but it's the prominent thought taking up my mind. How good it feels, how it feels like I'm being stretched in all directions by him right now.
I start to moan against his lips as we kiss, the sensation almost becoming too much as I move away from kissing him to let out a few soft whimpers.
"Is this okay?", He whispers against my lips, checking on me as he starts to move faster.
I nod up and down as I start to contract around him down there.
"Yeah it feels so good", I assure him, taking my hand to rest against his stubbly jaw above me.
I let out whines against him as I breathe in shallow breaths, moving my hips back and forth with him in the same rhythm as his thrusts.
I can tell he feels it too, he's biting his lip as he tries to keep in the groans that occasionally escape his mouth. He picks up his movements even more, knowing that I'm handling it okay.
"Ughhh", I sigh out in what's almost a squeal, feeling so much right now that it's getting entirely overwhelming and I know I won't be able to handle it for much longer. But I want to hang onto this feeling with him for as long as I can. I want this night to last forever.
He looks pleased with the fact that I'm making so much noise right now, at the fact that I can't help the way my muscles are starting to contract in and out like crazy in response to him. I'm sure he can feel it, he'd always told me it was one of his favorite things, feeling my legs shake for him, feeling my walls tighten and release around him.
My eyes are closed in pleasure but I open them when I feel his hand grab onto mine. I look up to see him staring down at me, looking all kinds of serious that wasn't fairly typical of Cappie. He intertwines his fingers with mine gently, holding my hand in his against my sheets as he starts to drive into me even deeper.
His other hand rests on the side of my waist keeping me in place.
"You feel so good inside me", I whisper up to him, looking up at him as I lift my head off the pillow to kiss him again. I'm barely able to move my lips much I'm so distracted with the sensations further down my body. So I let him take control of kissing me since he's a little more with it right now.
We part our lips in a slight smacking motion as he looks at me happily, loving what I'm saying to him right now. Loving that it's real, completely unfiltered, me actually giving into my feelings for him for once.
"Good", He nods and if the light wasn't so dim in my room I could probably see better but I'm almost sure he's blushing. "I love being able to see you like this".
He really did too. Ever since he'd realized he could bring out this side of me back in freshman year, he'd wanted to do it every chance he could get. And I'm also pretty sure he knew he was the only person on earth that could bring it out of me. The only person that could somehow quiet the more serious, type A side of me. I'd come to just expect that when I was having sex with him I was probably going to do things I'd never do with anyone else. And there was never going to be any way to move on to someone new when that was still true.
He kisses me again and I feel like my insides are on fire, like my whole body is building up to an explosion. Like I'm going to have no choice soon but to submit to him and go over the edge.
But I feel like there's something I need to do before I do.
"I love you", I whisper up to him emotionally as our lips part. I'm not thinking straight so it just comes out. If I wasn't drunk, if I wasn't so worked up like this, I'm sure I wouldn't be so honest.
He looks at me with a little bit of trepidation, like he's not sure if he's just heard what I've said right. He stops moving now and we're just frozen for awhile as I begin to hear my heartbeat in my ears. Maybe I just crossed a major line by saying it. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do. Saying it completely out in the open like this, saying it while we were fully embedded like this again. But I felt it, I always feel it.
And I'd said it earlier tonight when we first started kissing. I'd said it against his lips when he pulled away from kissing me because he argued that we were drunk. It was quiet and breathy and I hadn't been thinking straight, but I was pretty sure he heard it because it's what made him kiss me back again.
But now I've said it more consciously, with more impact. And I don't think he expected it at all. In fact, it was probably the last thing he expected to come out of my mouth tonight.
I must give him a slightly scared look then when he fails to say anything back because he immediately reacts by taking his one hand away from holding mine and instead bringing it up to my face. He tucks my hair behind my ear, looking at me so lovingly, eyes so full of hope.
"I love you too", He affirms, looking so elated at this, like this is the best day of his life.
I give him a smile back and start to move my hips back and forth again, trying to get movement started, trying to give him the cue to keep going. He knows me well enough to know what I want, getting our groove back again so that we're moving together at a rhythmic pace again.
"Casey… you know you squeezing me into you like that drives me insane", He practically growls into my ear, making me feel even hotter, referring to the way my muscles are pulling him into me.
"I'm not trying to, it's just happening, I swear", I let out in a laugh to which I can feel him smirk against my cheek as he places a kiss down and then moves on to trail them down my neck.
He's not stupid. I'd always told everyone that. In fact he was one of the smartest people I've ever met. And he was smart enough by now to know exactly how to get me off. I mean… he should know, he'd been doing it for years now.
It consisted of a few things. One, hitting this certain spot inside me over and over again without stopping. Two, kissing down my neck, preferably with his tongue involved. Three, feeling some sort of stimulation on the outside of me down there, even if I was doing it myself. In fact sometimes it was even hotter if I was doing it myself, because I know he liked watching. And a bonus fourth thing that he'd sometimes throw in, saying something in my ear he knew would get me feeling especially naughty just for him.
When I put it that way it was actually pretty easy to elicit an orgasm out of me but somehow other guys I've been with haven't been able to crack that code. Well, that or I just learned how to do it with Cappie when I was 18 and I didn't want to change it to fit with any other guy.
Either way it didn't really matter, because he was doing all three things right now to me and he knew what he was doing.
"Fuck fuck fuck!", I let out loudly and I'm just happy that all the girls are at the KT's homecoming party right now. Thank god.
I can feel him smirking against my neck, can tell he's absolutely loving this.
"I love that the only time you've ever sworn in your life is when I fuck you like this", He says in my ear and I can hear that usual hint of mischief in his voice. It would usually make me roll my eyes at him, but my eyes are a little busy right now trying not to roll into the back of my head with what he's doing to me.
"I'm only like this with you", I let out a breathy laugh, a hazy smile I can't keep off my face.
"I know", he smiles back winningly and then goes back to kissing down my neck, intensifying his movements, rubbing that exact spot faster and faster.
"Oh my god!", I cry out finally, no longer able to take all the stimulation at once. I'm closing my eyes, my core spasming with him inside me, my walls becoming tighter and tighter around him. My face is hot, warmth travelling all through my body as I hold onto him for dear life.
"There we go", he looks down to me with a whisper and I only catch a small glimpse of him because I'm shaking and closing my eyes in pleasure but he looks pretty damned pleased with himself.
I hadn't felt like this in months. Sure, I occasionally touched myself when the mood struck but I definitely couldn't replicate what he did to me, it wasn't possible.
So this orgasm was really hitting me hard right now.
I'd feel my release waning if he weren't still thrusting into me, keeping me coming over and over again as I grip onto his shoulder hard, my nails digging into him.
His movements start to pick up even more when I feel him pulsing inside me, getting even harder in me if it's even possible.
I hear him let out a loud moan then in my ear, him against my neck as he releases within me and then he lets himself relax against my body. Our skin is hot and slick as we breathe against each other.
I'm trying to catch my breath still but he's already moved on to lazily kissing up my neck and to my jaw, breathing heavily against me.
"You're amazing", He breathes out against me heavily and I can't help but smile, my eyes still closed, feeling good feelings all over my body. "I love you Case".
"Cap…", I let out when I can finally speak again.
Then I turn my head so he can kiss my lips. We kiss slowly and a bit uncoordinatedly, swapping whatever is on our tongues with each other, making me feel like I've truly shared everything I can possibly share with him tonight.
He moves to kiss my cheek and then moves back from me, propping himself up a bit to hover above me, grinning.
I can't help but giggle then as I cover my face slightly, turning red.
"What?", he laughs at me.
"I don't know it's just…", I sigh then, realizing he's still inside me and we haven't moved. "That just felt so good".
"Yeah I know", he nods, moving away from my face to just look back at me with a smirk. "That's why… I don't want to do this again if it's not with you".
"What do you mean?", I look at him quizzically.
"I mean… I'm not sleeping around anymore. I haven't been since you told me you were staying here. If I can't have sex like this… with you… then I don't want to bother", He looks at me seriously.
I give him a look, scoffing and then rolling my eyes playfully.
"Oh c'mon, I know how you are Cap", I shake my head.
"I'm serious", He reiterates, putting a hand on my cheek gently.
I look at him then, unsure how to respond to this, still a little out of it. Not only because I'm drunk, but also because my whole body was just on a high I was still coming down from.
He pulls out of me then and I feel the difference, noticeably feeling empty now as I lay here trying to come up with something to say to him when my mind feels jumbled and hazy.
"You don't have to say anything", He looks at me as he moves off of me to lay beside me now. "But, if it's not already clear, I'm in love with you. And… I think we should be together and I'll wait as long as it takes to for that to happen again".
"Cappie…", I trail off as I look at him.
I'm still a little distracted by my heartbeat trying to return to normal, by the wetness now trailing down my legs, by the fact that I'm sure the girls are gonna come home soon if they weren't already. Not to mention the fact that my whole body felt tired, like I couldn't barely stay awake if I tried.
"I still love you too, okay?", I tell him. "I'm just… I'm just really tired right now".
I let out a yawn then and he looks over at me, seeming to accept this, smiling sheepishly with a nod.
He pulls his boxers back on and then gets up off my bed and I'm half worried he's going to leave. Which, I didn't want to tell him, but I really didn't want him to. I wanted him to stay here with me tonight. Even if I was the house mother now, even if it was totally, completely irresponsible.
"Where are your pajamas?", He asks me and I give him a confused look for a moment, the question kind of the last thing I thought would come out of his mouth right now.
"They're um… they're in the middle drawer of my dresser", I tell him tiredly and he goes over to get me a pink nightgown out, bringing it over to me.
"Here", He hands it to me as I sit up, giving him an appreciative smile. "What about towels, where do you keep those?"
"My closet", I point and Cappie goes over to grab a pink hand towel from my closet and then shuts it quietly, coming back over to me.
"Here, let's get you cleaned up here and then you can go to bed", He looks at me with a sweet look on his face so I just let him do his thing.
Once he has the towel under me I move my hips, trying to get the warm liquid inside me from him to ooze out of me.
"Thanks Cap", I can't help but look at him shyly. This could be awkward I suppose, but it's not because it's him. Because we've done this a million times. I just usually am not drunk and this sleepy when I'm trying to clean up after.
I pull the pink nightgown he's gotten me over my head then, getting it straight on my body.
He throws the towel in my hamper and then comes back over to me.
"Will you get in trouble if I stay here with you tonight?", He speaks quietly.
"I don't know", I look at him with my eyes half shut. "But I don't care".
I take my own initiative then, make my own move of some type of romance, leaning up to pull him into me to kiss him softly.
"I don't want you to go", I tell him, looking up into his eyes desperately.
"Okay", he nods, unable to hide the way he's smiling. "I'll stay then".
He gets in the other side of my bed then and I turn off the lamp beside me.
"Goodnight Case".
"Goodnight Cap".
