WARNING: This story Was originally completed back in 2016 before everything went down with Ryan Haywood. Posting of this story does not mean I condone his actions. He is scum and deserved what he got and then some. However as a form of closure now that Rooster Teeth and Achievement Hunter are gone, I have decided to post this.

Summary: Gavin's selfies have the crew wondering why they are letting Gavin run a heist. In the mean time, they learn that no one looks good in yellow and the Los Santos fire department is not very helpful.

Chapter 6

"All right lads," Gavin said excitedly. "It's Heist time."

Gavin now held the floor in the conference room two weeks later. To start, he dubbed the room the "Heist Room." For reasons best known to himself, he had his aviator sunglasses on while they were inside. He was also bouncing eagerly from foot to foot as he prepared to present his magnificent, super awesome plan.

"Last heist was shit."

"The heist wasn't shit," Geoff's said immediately. "The team was shit. We were in the clear. It would have worked in Ryan hadn't fucking murdered me!"

"Tried," Ryan corrected Geoff. "Tried to fucking murder you. And failed, don't forget. Anyway you broke my nose!"

"Oh my God, shut up!" Michael roared. "Let's let this idiot talk. We'll be here all god damn day pointing fingers."

"I'm just saying Alpha team won," Ryan said, holding his hands up defensively.

Everyone groaned and Gavin talked over them "Yeah, no code names on this one, we're just going to put 'secret' in front of everyone's name. So like you're secret Ryan."

The crew looked at him like he was insane and Geoff had to control the urge to just kill Gavin where he stood. This was already a disaster and they were only five minutes into it.

"So!" Gavin said brightly to break up the awkward silence. "You all may be wondering why I would plan a Heist, what skills do I have—"

"Beside the giant nose and stupid accent?" Michael asked.

Gavin glared but kept going. "I have confusion and disorientation."

"There's medicine for that," Ryan said.

Gavin ignored him and turned to the map, where he circled a little dot not too far from Michael's apartment. "The place we're hitting is over here, this gas little gas station. And I have pre-prepared some sweet selfies to show you what we're doing."

Sure enough, Gavin held up a small stack of papers. On the top was a black and white photo of Gavin taken in front of the gas station, smiling like an idiot in his aviators. It was bad enough that he had taken the picture and made a hard copy, but he had even taken a selfie. He was IN the picture of the place they were going to rob.

"Why would you put yourself in the picture?" Ray finally shouted as the stupidity sank in fully. "That's evidence."

Gavin's face fell and his face went blank as he looked at Ray in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Remember last time when I said "Don't take a picture that's evidence, I'll have to blow you up?" Michael asked.

Gavin squinted at him for a minute longer before comprehension dawned. "Oooooh."

"Idiot," Jack said shaking his head.

"We're going to pull off a Heist and we don't even have a color printer," Ray grumbled, pointing out their inadequacies nicely with one off-hand comment.

Geoff rolled his eyes. "We'll buy one with the heist money. Now shut up!"

"Cheers Geoff," Gavin said gratefully. "Ok now, here's the plan. Geoff, Ryan, Ray and me, secret Gavin, we're all going to dress in yellow. Then we are each going to call 911 and steal fire trucks. Four fire trucks that we are then going to park—" Gavin grabbed another selfie off of his stack and stuck it on the board next to the map. "—right here." It was a picture of a ramp leading down to some kind of maintenance area and Gavin was off to the side, leaning into the selfie with his mouth open in another dopey grin.

Michael threw his hands up in vexation. "There is a god damn front facing camera on your phone! Why didn't you just take the picture? Why did you put yourself in it?"

"I dunnno," Gavin said obliviously. "Look how good I look though."

"Hi mom! Wish you were here!" Ray said. Everyone laughed at that even Gavin.

"All right lads, shut it," Gavin said, trying to get control of the room. "So we're going to have four fire trucks there."

"Why are we're wearing yellow?" Geoff asked tremulously. He was sure he wasn't going to like the answer.

"We're pretending to be firemen!" Gavin chirped excitedly.

Everybody face palmed at the moment and Geoff once again reflected on the risks of asking questions he did not want the answer to.

Gavin circled another spot on the map, ignoring the looks of doubt, and in Ryan's case, derision, on his gang mates' faces. "We will also have a tanker round the bend at this construction site. That's gonna be our base of operations—it's where we'll pull all the vehicles after stealing them before me move on to the roof."

Gavin pointed back at the map to the construction site. "Now, everyone has sticky bombs right?" Everyone nodded. "Good. We absolutely litter this thing we sticky bombs. Five each, I want twenty-five sticky bombs on this thing."

"Thirty you idiot," Geoff corrected him.

"Right, thirty," Gavin agreed, unfazed by Geoff annoyance. "Now Geoff—"

"Secret Geoff," Geoff corrected him again, throwing his hands up and rubbing his eyes tiredly. Gavin was lying when he said he had disorientation down. He also had stupidity and idiocy down too. If they got out of this alive it would be a miracle.

"Secret Geoff," Gavin amended. "You'll be the lead fire truck. You're in charge of detonation and you'll ride in first." Gavin then turned to Michael. "Michael you'll be driving the tanker to the gas station and pulling it in between the pumps. You'll go in when I give the signal, you'll be in charge of robbing the place."

"Consider it done," Michael said, relived that he had a low risk job, though what did it say about the plan when driving a bomb and robbing the store seemed safer than everything else that Gavin had planned? Maybe it was simply being far away from Gavin that seemed low risk.

Gavin grabbed another selfie and slapped it on the board, showing an alley set about one story above the gas station, blocked off by a fence. There was also Gavin's stupid face in the picture too. "Jack, you'll be in this alley with a motorcycle."

"One motorcycle for six people?" Jack asked doubtfully.

"No, just for you and Michael," Gavin said. He pointed at Geoff. "So Secret Geoff you detonate. We came barreling out of the ramp, sirens all the way. Michael when you see the explosions, you run in, rob the place. Use the explosions as a distraction."

"So we're not there when the explosions happens," Geoff asked. "We come after."

"Exactly," Gavin said. "Michael will give us the signal and we roll up. We extinguish flames, we extinguish policemen. Nobody goes in or out, that's important. Nobody in or out. Michael, you leg it out on foot—"

Michael threw his hands up again. "'Nobody in or out. Michael you come out.' What the fuck Gavin?"

"Secret Gavin!" Gavin snaps. "Just leg it out best you can." He pointed at the selfie showing Jacks' location. "You'll run out of the store, Michael, do a cheeky little u-turn, and hop this fence right here. You and Jack then escape with the money." He grabbed yet another selfie, this time of him on the beach with four jet skis behind him in red, white, black and yellow. "Everyone heads for the pier and we meet on the RWBY colored jet skis."

"Well Burnie will like the added publicity for Rooster Teeth's web anime," Geoff said dryly. "Between that and the selfies, no one will doubt it was us robbing the fucking gas station."

Gavin shrugged. "You said our cred was shite. This will fix it." Gavin gestured back at the jet skis. "Except for Ryan, everyone takes off on the jet skis. Ryan, you'll get your cargobob and fly over us in the ocean. Do you have a cargobob?"

"I can get one," Ryan said with a disturbing grin. "But you're actually trusting me not to leave y'all in the ocean."

"I'm giving it a go," Gavin said cheerfully. "You wanted some trust, here it is. You fly over, we hop in and you fly us to Maze Bank." Gavin grabbed his last selfie and slapped it cheerfully onto the board. "Then, bevs on the roof!"

"So instead of escaping, you want us to return to the city with the money so we can have a drink on the roof?" Geoff asked slowly.

Gavin nodded enthusiastically. "A cinematic ending to what is going to be the best heist ever! No one will say we're lame after this."

"They might say we're dead," Ray muttered. The others silently greed with him.

As usual, they met at Michael's centrally located apartment. Everyone hit the booze, except for Ray who did his customary bong hit, to settle their nerves. Unlike last time however, they did not feel the pressure to do things right, they felt the pressure to stay alive, which in a lot of ways made them all more nervous than before. While Gavin's plan at face value seemed decent, they also knew that Gavin plans had a way of falling apart in extreme ways. This would either be a huge success or the biggest of their failures.

I should really think before I speak,Geoff thought, ruminating yet again on his accidental promise to let the crew plan their own heists. His self-loathing was cut short as Gavin took his place in the center of the room and prepared to lead them all into this twisted plan.

"Al right," Gavin said lowering is sunglasses onto his face and shoving his gun into his pocket. "Everyone know the plan?" The Fake AH Crew nodded, looking apprehensive. "Excellent. All right, if everyone wants to go outside, Michael you can pull the AH mobile around and we'll do a little looky-loo at where we're gonna be."

OH!" Ryan yelled as they stepped out into the sunlight. "Let's take Optimus Prime!" He ran into the street towards a truck that did indeed look like Optimus Prime. He grabbed his gun and went for the driver side door.

"Ryan no!" Geoff shouted. "We won't all fit."

The truck driver turned at Geoff shouts and saw Ryan's attempted carjacking. His response was to floor the gas and nearly wrench Ryan's arm off as he tried to get away. Ryan stumbled but retained his balance and watched as Optimus Prime escaped.

Geoff rolled his eyes, "Let's just save time and not get in the car with Ryan. We'll all end up in prison or dead."

"I'm getting the car now," Michael called through the earpieces they had already put on.

"Gavin!" Jack shouted. "Look out!"

A car came screeching into the street where Gavin stood next to Michael's chrome car. Gavin reacted with surprising reflexes, leaping aside before Jack even finished his shout. However, the car slammed on the breaks and swung inward and a big bald guy in a green track jacket stepped out looking pissed. Before Gavin could move, the guy grabbed him by the front of his button up shirt.

"Simeon sends his regards!" the guy shouted before slamming Gavin to the ground. He went to kick Gavin in the ribs, but Gavin rolled away, squawking and wailing as he dodged the blows.

"Who the fuck is this?" Geoff shouted, backing away and drawing his gun. "Gavin!"

Gavin tried to run, but the man in the track suit was right behind him, slamming his fist into the back of Gavin's head, knocking him to the ground.

"Gavin! I'm coming boy!" Michael shouted.

"Fuck this!" Ryan yelled, pulling his gun too. "Fuck him up!"

"Ryan—!" Geoff didn't even get to finish before Ryan unloaded an entire clip into the man, who crumpled into the gutter, his jacket a cruel parody of Christmas colors as the red shone against the green of his jacket.

"Fuck you," Ryan said, spitting on the guy's body before holding a hand out for Gavin.

Gavin looked at Ryan apprehensively for a moment before accepting the hand up. "Did you murder him for fun or murder him for messing with me?" Gavin asked.

Ryan grinned. "Can't it be both? Nobody fucks with the Fake AH Crew! And yes, it was a nice opportunity for murder."

"What the fuck was that?" Jack asked. "Why would Simeon fuck with us? We're nothing."

"Maybe we're being noticed now?" Ray suggested. "After the last job. I mean, nobody but us knows it failed."

Geoff frowned for a moment, thinking. They had never really be involved in much gang warfare since they were such shit as a gang. But maybe Ray had a point—maybe that was changing. Maybe they were a small step about shit now. "I'll have Kerry put some feelers out," Geoff said finally, naming one of their other on again, off again Crew members, "See if we can find out what's up. You ok Gavin?"

"I'm top, let's go," Gavin said, smiling through a bloody nose.

"MICHAEL'S HERE!"

"JESUS!"

The street was suddenly filled with Fake AH Crew members as they dove off of the sidewalk and out of the way of the AH mobile, which chose that moment to reverse at full speed through a cluster of cars and people.

"Get in losers," Michael said, rolling down his window. "We're going shopping!"

So this is our lovely base of operations!" Gavin chirped as the Fake AH Crew pulled into a construction site not too far from Michael's apartment. Parked in the corner behind the wall so passersby could not see it was a large oil tank truck.

"All right let's take a look—" CRUNCH!

"Michael why?!"

Michael had almost come to a stop when he pulled into the construction site, thinking that they could ark anywhere, but then he noticed the tanker on the other end of the area. He sped up again, thinking to pull alongside of it.

Unfortunately, Gavin thought slow and stop were the same thing so he had opened the back passenger door and stepped out. Michael hit the gas again and Gavin found himself clinging onto the car door for dear life as his feet were knocked out from under him. This lasted exactly three seconds before there was a loud metallic ripping noise and Gavin and the door fell away from the car. Gavin yelped as he fell and managed somehow to avoid getting crushed by the heavy door.

And since everyone in the Fake AH Crew was an asshole, his desperate cry was met with gales of laughter.

"You all suck," Gavin grumbled, getting to his feet and kicking the car door in vexation.

"You broke my car," Michael said as he and the others exited the vehicle. "Try to remember not to exit vehicles until they stop."

Gavin flipped him off and led the other to ythe tank. "All right gents and lads, this is our lovely bomb. After we get the trucks, we'll come back here and litter this with sticky bombs. Michael you will then drive it to the gas station and Geoff will detonate on my signal. Everyone got it?"

"So Michael doesn't need to do anything from here right?" Geoff asked trying to fully wrap his head around the plan.

"Nope, Gavin replied. "He can stay with the truck while Secret Ryan, Geoff, Ray and Gavin can all go get clothes and fire trucks now and we'll bring them back here."

"I'll get the bike," Jack said.

"Spruce it up and make it sweet," Gavin instructed as Jack ran off to do his job.

"I guess I'll work on turning this damn thing around," Michael complained shooting Gavin a look. "Let's see if I can do it without blowing the fuck up."

"Good luck, boy," Gavin said with a cheeky grin. "All right, lads, there's a Binco around the corner. Let's go get our bink on!"

"We're doomed," Geoff said tiredly. "I should get that tattooed on my fucking forehead."

"I wear your granddad's clothes, I look incredible."

"SHUT UP!" everyone roared through their earpieces at Ryan.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Whatever, y'all are just mad at how good I look."

Ray eyed Ryan's eye smarting yellow jacket over and orange shirt paired with pale yellow shorts, banana colored flip flops, and a Rastafarian hat. Mix that with Ryan's red and white creepy face paint and well...

"Good isn't exactly the word I would use," Ray muttered. "For any of us."

It was true. Ray himself was dressed in a yellow track jacket with a pale yellow t-shirt and yellow track pants and shoes. He had managed to find some yellow framed sunglasses and a yellow beret like hat. He looked good, or as good as he could in bright yellow. Gavin was in a yellow shirt ants and shoes with a snazzy fedora perched over his sunglasses. Geoff was still in the store primping.

"Geoff, good Lord hurry up!" Gavin shouted in the direction of the store.

Jack pulled up on his motorcycle and laughed uproariously at his friends' get ups. "Oh my God, I need a picture of this," he said between giggles, getting off his bike and fumbling for hi phone. "Hey guys smile-!"

CRUNCH!

Jack stumbled forward as a car's rear view mirror struck him in the back. That was bad, but worse was the crunching metal noise of his brand new motorcycle being eaten alive by the underside of the car.

"You son of a bitch!" Jack yelled, dropping his phone and pulling out his gun.

"Jack no!" Gavin pleaded.

Too late. Jack unloaded into the skinny mini teenager that stepped out of the car without a care in the world. She immediately had a care in the world as she died a sad death in the gutter of a convenience store.

"God damn it," Gavin swore. "Geoff come on, we gotta get outta here. Jack pulled a Ryan."

"Fuck that," Jack argued, extracting his relatively undamaged motorcycle out from under the car. "She ran over my bike, she was in the wrong. Fucking bitch."

Geoff ran out of the store looking furious. The entire crew stopped bickering as they took in his outfit: a yellow track jacket, a yellow shirt with the word "Stank" on it, yellow dress shoes, a hat to match Gavin's and the world smallest pair of neon yellow shorts.

"Shut the fuck up," Geoff said through gritted teeth. "This was all they fucking had in my fucking size."

The crew didn't say a word, too scared to laugh when Geoff has his mean leader face on. Instead, Gavin snapped a quick selfie of all of them while Jack rode off to repair his bike. "All right guys, let's spread out and dial 911. Everyone needs a fire truck. Ryan try not to blow anything up unless you have to."

Ryan contemplated actually blowing something up just because Gavin said that, but there was no guarantee that he would escape getting arrested before the heist began. "Last ditch effort, I'll blow something up, ok?"

"Fine," Gavin sighed.

"I thought Ryan's first ditch effort was always to blow something up," Geoff said.

"Fuck off," Ryan said, dialing 911. It rang for a few minutes before the world's most bored-sounding lady answered. "911, what's your emergency."

Ryan developed a high, falsetto voice. "Oh my god, it's on fire!" he screeched. "Oh my god come quick!" He hung up, feeling rather pleased with himself.

"Why did you have to pretend to be a woman," Michael asked in his ear.

"Uh…" Ryan said, not really sure what had possessed him to do a girl voice. "Well you know…hot flashes?"

"Booooooooo!" Ray said as the others laughed. "Oh look here comes my fire truck!"

Sure enough a bright red fire truck turned onto Ray's street and came barreling down the road, sirens blazing. Ray stepped off the sidewalk in the direction of the fire truck, waving his hands over his head to flag them down. He was in the middle of the street before he realized that they were not slowing down.

"Ah shit!" Ray dove out the way, landing face first on the grassy medium and staining his yellow clothes green. He got to his feet spitting out a mouthful of grass and dirt. "I don't think that was my fire truck.

"It's mine," Gavin said, a few block ahead of Ray. He stepped out I the middle of the street trying to flag down the truck. After a moment Gavin realized they still weren't slowing down."Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, AHHHH!"

"Yeah they don't really stop for people," Michael said wisely over his ear piece as Gavin hit the pavement and rolled to avoid being run over.

"You'd think they'd recognize one of their own," Ryan said dryly.

"Shut up," Gavin snapped, straightening his hat as he got to his feet. The truck had indeed stopped and four firefighters now stood in the street staring around, looking for the supposed fire that had called them here. Gavin took advantage of their confusion and sprinted for the open driver side door. "Cheers lads!" Gavin cried before throwing the trick into drive and speeding off.

Ray watched as the fire truck he thought was his sped off with a bunch of howling and cursing firemen chasing it down. "Well shit."

Ryan saw a fire truck pull to a stop at the corner nearest his location. "Wait, don't leave!" he shouted, running to the truck, waving his hands like a maniac. Apparently, every member of the Fake AH Crew thought waving your hands was the universal sign for "stop moving so I can steal your truck and use it to commit the weirdest robbery of all time."

However, as Ryan drew level, the firemen who had exited the vehicle started shouted and the fire truck pulled away. For a moment Ryan was confused until the fire truck went past him. He looked at the driver and was treated to Geoff presenting him with the finger fucking hand sign.

"Fuck you Geoff!" Ryan shouted. He pulled out his phone and attempted to call the fire department again, listening as Ray did the same. Not only did the lady sound skeptical of their calls this time, but after twenty minutes, there was not a truck to be seen. Ray and Ryan walked around for another hour, trying to move their location in hopes that the 911 dispatcher would think they were different callers.

"I feel like I'm driving around looking for reception," Ryan complained. "Can you burn me now?"

"Dude, do you think that Verizon guy killed himself?" Michael asked.

Ryan snorted. "What, by drowning himself in all the money he made?"

Michael shook his head before remembering no one could see him. "I seriously doubt he made that much fucking money."

"I read that that fucking bitch at Progressive is a fucking millionaire," Geoff said bitterly.

"Flow!" Ray said excitedly. He loved those commercials.

"Would not shock me at all," Jack said wearily. Must be nice to have that kind of money. Or at least work with people who aren't such fuck ups.

"Do you think other robbers talk about this kind of thing before they rob?" Gavin asked with genuine curiosity which made everyone laugh.

"Two hours in and we're talking about Flo from Progressive," Jack said over the laughs. "Gavin this is a waste of time."

"Time to blow shit up," Ryan said, pulling out a grenade. "They'll never suspect the Rasta-fireman!"

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Gavin shouted. "Hang on Ryan. "Let's just do it with two. Ray you ride with me, Ryan you ride with Geoff. Let's meet back at the base and we'll get in position."

"Fine" Ryan said stowing his grenade. He turned around and stopped in his tracks. There in the parking lot, completely unattended sat a vehicle perfect for their purposes.

"Oooh," Ryan said walking up to it reverently. "Shiny…"