Hello, again, after far too long. Picking up where Edward and Jasper reunite after seven years apart…
Disclaimer: This is Slash. You must be 18.
EPOV
I'm nervous. So fucking nervous. I wish I wasn't this nervous. I wish I was confident in what I'm about to do.
Yet, beneath the nerves, excitement buzzes loud and strong.
I'm almost home. And I've not been in impossibly long. But tonight I will finally be.
Jasper is so close, on the other side of the hotel room door I've been staring at for the past fifteen minutes. If only I could find it within myself to raise my hand and knock.
I will.
Soon.
Any minute.
I just need another minute. Then I will finally do what I've been needing to do since he left Forks. Since he left me. Since I let him leave. Since I didn't follow.
I'm surprised, to say the least, to have so easily found him tonight… his hotel, his room, him. Especially, considering his initial reaction to seeing me after all of this time was to run in the opposite direction as fast as his legs could carry him.
How was that just earlier today?
Shit, it seems like so much longer ago than that. Today has been one long ass day.
None of that matters now. Not his reaction. Not why he ran. Not how many years it's been or what has transpired in the mean-time. Not the mere inches of wood currently barely separating us.
No longer distance.
No longer my stupidity and fear.
None of it matters because nothing else matters besides Jasper and me, face to face.
Finally, again.
Whatever transpires from our reunion tonight will be.
Let the chips fall as they may.
I will accept the outcome, whatever it is, as long as I've said everything I mean to say. As long as I'm sure he understands how sorry I am and how incredibly much I still love him. And I do, so fucking much… love him, need him, want him. Time and distance have done nothing to quell the emotion he invokes within me.
And now, tonight, Jasper is close. I won't leave here without telling him. I just hope I'm not too late.
After witnessing him perform at his show earlier this evening, my overwhelming, ever enduring need for Jasper is stronger than ever. My love for him pulses through me, culminating in my heart, until I fear it will surely burst from pounding for him.
My resolve to get him back is mighty and fierce, strengthened by his nearness, by hearing him sing our songs. He still sings our songs. I stayed in the shadows due to the hit my nerve took when he literally ran from me earlier today. Though I had the strength to follow through with my plan to attend his concert. There, I stood mesmerized, listening and witnessing the young Jasper I loved merged with the man he's become whom I still do. Now a stranger to me in many ways, though he remains my soulmate. My destiny.
I know this to be true.
I listened to him pour his heart out like he used to. In his soulful voice, within his reverie, I did not hear him telling me to stay away. Quite the opposite. He seemed to continually search the crowd, squinting into the stage lights, looking for someone.
For me?
I dare to believe what my gut is telling me, to hope, he was telling me he still loves me too and will give me a second chance.
For me it will always be him. I can admit that now. There was a time when I was it for him, when he was barely a man, still a kid in so many ways. Maybe the man he's so perfectly grown into still feels the same. Or maybe he can feel that way for me again.
A man and woman pass by, me still standing here staring at his hotel room door. The door I hope will lead me to a future with him. They send strange looks my way.
Taking a deep breath, I finally knock.
Maybe too timidly, I barely hear it myself, so work up the nerve to knock, again. But before I do, the door swings open and I'm met with an awful sight. My breath escapes me and my stomach drops.
I think I'll surely throw up.
Peter Fucking Carlson.
Fucking hell.
Not again.
Not this time.
He's practically naked, fucking mostly naked! Well… he's shirtless but he might as well be naked.
His shirt is off, his wavy dark hair is hanging in his chocolate brown eyes, yet I can see them glaring at me with disgust and fury.
"Edward. What the fuck do you want?" He spits the words at me, each dripping with disdain.
He's seething, and if looks could kill, I'd be dead right here and now.
My voice sounds angry right back at him because he will not stop me from seeing Jasper again.
"Jasper... I want to talk to Jasper. Right now, Peter. Please tell him I'm here."
Peter snickers at me, holding his arms across the doorway like the gate to my heaven he is. He gestures with his head indicating behind him. Because Jasper is inside the room behind him and Peter dares to believe he won't be letting me through.
"It's not good to see you, Edward. Jasper is indisposed at the moment. He does not wish to talk to you or see you, to have anything to do with you, ever. Do you understand?"
Peter attempts to exude authority with stern words that don't quite reach his eyes. It's as if he hopes I'll disappear before Jasper knows I'm here.
"Tell him I'm here, Peter."
"How the hell'd you get his room number? Whatever you did, it's an invasion of privacy! Leave immediately or I'll have you arrested."
Taking a deep breath, I calmly state matter-of-factly, gaining confidence with each word, "The front desk gave me this room number once I gave them my name."
The color drains from Peter's face which causes the hope in my chest to multiply tenfold.
If instructions were left to let me through, it's clear Peter was unaware.
He attempts to regain his composure, to reestablish himself as Jasper's keeper. But I can see past him into the empty sitting area. I don't see Jasper in the front room of the suite. He might not have heard me knock… he might not even know I'm here.
But a sickening thought takes root due to the state of Peter's undress. He and Jasper might be in the middle of something. They've just been intimate or they're about to be?
I interrupted their fucking?
Oh God, no! What if I interrupted their fucking?
I feel nauseas yet simultaneously seriously consider punching Peter in the fucking face. Damn, how I'd love to do just that.
My new found courage wavers. My resolve to see Jasper, too. Maybe Jasper doesn't want to see me. He seems to be taken care of just fine, and happy without me. Maybe he was so easy to find on purpose, so I would find him just like this? With Peter.
I don't know if I can bear this. How can I fight for him if he is here with someone else and does not still want me as I want him?
But I have to hear those words from him. He can tell me himself if he wants, if that's the case. I am not leaving until he talks to me. Until he knows I'm here for him, and he's heard me out.
Peter is watching me warily, witnessing me obviously warring with myself.
"I'm not leaving until I talk to Jasper. If he wants me to leave, if he doesn't want to see me again, he can tell me himself." I say this with much more confidence than I currently feel.
Peter visibly flinches at my words, as if I did indeed punch him. He proceeds to begin loosing his shit when as he realizes he will not be getting rid of me like he did last year. He's trying to keep his cool, but failing, trying to keep his voice quiet, almost to a whisper, while yelling. And his whisper yelling ends up coming across really fucking loudly.
"What the fuck, Edward! He does not want to see you!"
That's it. I've had enough. He will not keep me from seeing Jasper this time.
I attempt to push past him, looking behind him into the living room of the suite. Peter is strong and unmoving and I can't see Jasper anywhere, but if he's in another room entirely, he might not even know I'm here. So what if he's naked and in the middle of being fucked?
I yell for him, calling out his name, desperation apparent in my voice and I don't give a shit, I just need him to hear me.
"Jasper!"
Please hear me and don't turn me away, baby. Please don't run from me, again.
And then there he is, across the room, peering out from the bedroom. He's wet, a towel draped around his waist, obviously just out of the shower. Was Peter about to join him in the shower? Oh fuck, again with the bile at the back of my throat.
But what did I expect? I know them to be lovers.
And what the fuck does it matter?
It doesn't.
He sees me and I see him and he's going to hear me out, God dammit.
"Jasper!" I call out to him again.
It takes about a second for him to register the scene before him, and then he's behind Peter in two seconds flat.
"Peter, what the fuck? Let him in! Let Edward in!"
Peter stiffens at Jasper's voice directly behind him. I see it on his face; he considers not moving before his shoulders slump in defeat. He begrudgingly steps to the side.
Now, with the three of us standing here, Jasper's and my eyes lock in a stare, so many things being silently said between us, all jumbled up together. I don't know exactly what those things are, but relief washes through me in waves. The man who ran from me earlier today is not the man currently returning my eager gaze. Neither is the boy who left me seven years ago.
Jasper is different, and close enough I could reach out and touch him.
Embrace. I long to fall into his embrace. Or him into mine. We can fall into each other's. I see it. Us here, holding on to one another for dear life.
I need it to be.
The world has been spinning slightly off its track for what feels like forever, maybe always. But in this moment, Jasper and I are standing here together, so close, in the same room, in the same space, within the same atmosphere… it's as if the world has already righted itself.
Immediately.
My world falls into place.
I'm ready to start anew and make up for my mistakes, ride off into the sunset and start our happily ever after. And If the emotions and relief I'd swear I witness mirroring my own in his gorgeous blue depths are any indication, I think Jasper just might feel the same way.
So, yes… in his arms is the perfect place to start.
Every cell in my body and soul scream to touch him. But first I must find the words to tell him.
Words must come first.
But his come before mine, before I can think clearly enough to form the words I've rehearsed so many times.
He says one word. My name. It sounds desperate and lovely, so quietly rolling off his tongue like he's not gone a day without saying in the years we've been apart.
"Edward."
Practically whispered, like a promise. The most beautiful sound on earth, and God, how I've missed hearing him say my name. Especially like this.
Peter visibly stiffens beside us. He's mere feet away, but could be on an entirely different planet for all I care. He heard the way Edward said my name and what my name whispered like that possibly, hopefully, dare I say probably means. Good things for me, not so good for Peter.
"Jasper," Peter begs. "Please don't do this. I'm right here and have been the entire time he has not."
Jasper can barely take his gaze from mine, but he does. He tears his eyes from mine and it's physically painful to lose that connection.
When he looks at Peter, I witness the love he has for the man who has been his companion since right after he left me. He does love Peter. Seeing them standing in front of me holding a silent, private conversation of their own, I see that now, for sure. There's no question in my mind. Of course he does. But hopefully not enough to send me away. Not enough to choose Peter. Because more than love for the man, he is radiating sorrow and remorse. Guilt.
I stand perfectly still, waiting for their silent conversation to run its course. Not another word is spoken aloud between them, but they are working this out, working me and my arrival out. The repercussions are too huge to even begin to attempt to imagine.
Eventually, Jasper drops his sad gaze to the floor. Standing there with a towel barely wrapped around his sexy hips. Water droplets still drip down his chest from his wet brown hair, curly again now that it's wet. His arms are down by his sides, fingers twitching slightly, for this to end I'm sure. And though I should feel guilty in this moment doing so, I take notice of the perfect, heart stopping gorgeous man Jasper is. He's absolutely stunning, even more so than before. I attempt to force myself to stop drinking his physical form in because if I don't I'll surely be standing here, an even more awkward part of this awkward situation with an awkward hard-on.
There will be time for that, finally, so much time.
A tear runs down Peter's cheek. Just one, but the first of many, I suspect. And my heart goes out to him. He's taken good care of my Jasper when I could not and for that I will always be grateful.
Finally, Peter moves. He slowly crosses the living room to a desk in the far corner of the room. He picks up a button-down shirt he'd neatly draped over a chair and slowly puts it on, then his shoes, all the while Jasper remains perfectly still, with his back to Peter. His eyes are on me, imploring me to wait, to give him a moment to say goodbye to Peter.
I smile at him, telling him to take as long as he needs because I'm here now and I'm never leaving him again, unless he sends me away. I beg him not to send me away.
When Peter approaches, he stops just past Jasper, turning to face him.
All I can do is to stand here and pray this goes my way.
"Pete... What were you thinking? You weren't planning on telling me Edward is here? Sending him away when you know I want to see him?" He lowers his voice and continues "When you know how I still feel about him?"
Even though he said the last part much quieter than the rest, he definitely said it and I surely heard it. I swear I feel as high as the hope that's been growing inside explodes at what those words could mean. For me, and Jasper, for our future.
Peter speaks quietly, with pain lacing each word. He truly loves Jasper. That much is obvious.
"I really thought we might have a chance to make a real go at it, Jasper. I've been waiting for so long. I thought you'd eventually get over him. How can you choose him over me when he was stupid enough to let you go, and I've been here for you in ways he never was?"
Peter's pain is mirrored in Jasper's voice when he answers Peter the best he can. They continue their should be private conversation with me awkwardly listening in. An intruder in this moment, I feel out of place, but I have so often in my life, one would think I'd be used to it. Though I can't help but feel happy for myself. I will finally get my chance to make things right with Jasper. He's sending Peter away, not me.
"Peter, I am sorry. You know that. You're my best friend and I don't want to hurt you. You know why I can't give you more. I can't because I'm not in possession of it myself. My heart belongs to someone else."
I attempt to stand here without making a move or a sound. It's very difficult to not grab Jasper and carry him to the other room immediately.
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
He just said his heart belongs to someone else. To me?
With a heavy sigh, Peter kisses Jasper on the cheek. "I'll be in my room if you need me."
His tone changes when he turns his attention to me as he leaves the hotel room. Sternly, he warns me with a menacing glare and a growl, "Don't hurt him again."
With that, he's gone. And it's only Jasper and me standing here, facing one another in more ways than one.
Without further thought, I step forward to close the final distance between us. I hug him, if it can simply be described as such. My arms wrap protectively around him and I draw his body against mine. The physical contact of Edward's body against mine from cheek to knees overwhelms me and I feel as if I might pass out. Jasper's arms are already around mine, matching my urgency and the tightness of my grip. He supports us both until I feel my strength return.
No, not simply a hug.
We both let out a deep breath and we stand like this, holding onto one another for who knows how long. I don't know and I don't care because it's as if time stands still with Jasper finally in my arms again.
My arms stay around him, hands holding on to the back of his shoulders. His arms stay around me, grasping at the middle of my back. I can't help but bury my face in his neck and breathe him in. His same familiar scent of the boy I loved mingles with what can only be described as all man.
We hold one another and it's the most natural thing I've felt since the last time I felt him. The last time I could breathe easily. The last time I could feel more than loss and pain.
When we finally let go, I don't know why or how but we do, we take matching steps back, finding one another's gaze and holding onto that instead.
I feel the warmness of his body against mine leave, my bones bereft from the loss of his physical contact.
It's not a feeling I intend to tolerate any more than absolutely necessary.
Not tonight.
Not tomorrow.
Not ever, again.
AN - FYI… There's a lot more to come of their story. It won't be wrapped up in a simple, easy bow. Or without in depth detail of them rediscovering one another... mmmmmmmm.