The college park was quieter than usual, a soft breeze rustling through the trees as I sat cross-legged on the grass, papers scattered around me. The late afternoon sun filtered through the branches, casting soft shadows on the ground. It should've been peaceful. In a way, it was. But with Jade sitting beside me, leaning back against a tree, one booted foot resting lazily on the ground while the other leg stretched out, it was anything but calming. I felt hyper-aware of everything: the faint leather scent of her jacket, the way her black-painted nails tapped idly against her knee. My heart fluttered every time she shifted, every time her eyes flicked in my direction.
Daniel was across from us, oblivious as always, adjusting his glasses and flipping through his notes. We had wrapped up one project this morning and had already been handed something else to tackle, but instead of stressing, I felt oddly content. Sure, the workload was heavy, but sitting here, so close to Jade… well, it made it all seem manageable.
Okay, if I was being honest, sitting this close to Jade was more than awesome. It was electrifying. My insides twisted in knots every time she glanced my way. And she was looking at me. A lot. Lingering gazes that set my nerves on edge. High school Tori was practically cartwheeling in my head at the attention. It was ridiculous how a simple glance from her could reduce me to a giggling mess inside. I tried not to show it, tried to play it cool, but it was impossible to ignore the way her gaze burned into me, a steady, smouldering heat that made it hard to focus.
"So, I'm thinking we divide the presentation into three parts," Daniel suggested, looking between us. His voice cut through my thoughts, and I forced myself to nod, though I barely registered what he was saying. All I could think about was Jade's stare. I could feel it, as if her eyes were branding me, making my skin tingle and my heart race. My fingers fiddled nervously with the sleeve of my hoodie, twisting the fabric as I tried to concentrate.
"That works for me," I managed to say, my voice a little too bright, too eager, as I scribbled a note on my page. I didn't even know if what I wrote made sense, but I needed something to do with my hands. Jade's stare hadn't wavered, and I was starting to feel the weight of it. Why was she staring so much? What was going on behind those unreadable green eyes of hers?
Daniel, blissfully unaware of the silent storm brewing between Jade and me, smiled and gave a thumbs up. "Great! I think we're on track then."
Just as Daniel finished speaking, the familiar sound of excited chatter floated over from behind us. I turned my head and saw Andre, Robbie, and Cat making their way toward us, waving eagerly. Cat was practically bouncing as she sprinted ahead of the others, her bright red hair shining in the sun.
"Hey, guys!" Cat squealed as she plopped down onto my lap without hesitation, her bubbly energy instantly distracting me from my nerves. "What are you doing? Group project?" Her wide eyes scanned the scattered notes around us as she leaned back against me.
"Yep," I said, smiling as I wrapped an arms around her stomach, grateful for the distraction. Leaning into her warmth, I let out a small sigh of relief. "Just trying to get everything organised for Friday."
Andre flopped down on the grass next to us, adjusting his guitar and flashing us his usual easy-going grin. "More like stressing out about it," he teased, giving a playful nudge. Robbie hovered awkwardly near Jade, glancing at the empty space next to her like it was a landmine. Jade, unsurprisingly, didn't make it any easier. She shot him a glare so sharp it could cut steel, her dark eyeliner only adding to the intensity. Robbie stumbled a bit as he sat, nearly falling flat on his face.
"Chiz, Jade, cool off!" he whined, rubbing his elbow.
Jade rolled her eyes but said nothing, her posture still rigid, like she was ready to pounce at any moment. I felt the tension rise again, thick like the air before a storm, and I swallowed nervously.
"Oooh, fun!" Cat chirped, completely ignoring the tension as she peered down at the notes. "Can I help? I love helping!" She bounced excitedly in my lap, her energy almost contagious. I smiled, but internally, I hesitated. As much as I adored Cat, her "help" usually ended in trouble.
Andre smirked. "More like you love distracting people."
Exactly what I was thinking. I grinned and opened my mouth to respond, but Daniel suddenly stood up, brushing off his jeans. "I'd love to stay and finish this, but I've actually got to head out. I've got a date," he announced casually, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.
"A date? With who?" Robbie asked, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
"Just someone from my economics class," Daniel replied with a shrug, as if it were no big deal. "We're grabbing lunch."
Andre raised a brow. "Nice. Good luck, man."
Jade, who had been unusually quiet up to this point, finally spoke, her voice low and sharp. "Have fun on your little date, Daniel." There was a bite to her tone, and for a second, I wondered if I was imagining the hint of sarcasm. Daniel didn't seem to notice, though. He just smiled and waved before heading off, leaving the rest of us in the heavy silence of his departure.
As soon as Daniel was gone, it felt like the air shifted. Jade's mood darkened, though I wasn't sure why. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. Her expression was still unreadable, but something about her felt different now. More tense. Her eyes met mine again, and for a moment, they softened. My heart skipped a beat.
"So, what were you guys talking about?" Cat asked, oblivious to the sudden shift in atmosphere as she twirled a strand of her red hair around her finger.
"Just project stuff," I replied quickly, trying to steer the conversation away from the awkwardness that was bubbling between Jade and me. But it wasn't easy when every glance from her felt like a tug on my heartstrings.
Andre picked up one of the scattered pages, scanning it with a thoughtful expression. "If you need help with the analysis part, I'm your guy. I'm a certified genius at overthinking things."
I laughed, relieved for the change in tone. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."
But Jade wasn't letting go so easily. She leaned forward and plucked the paper from Andre's hands, her eyes skimming over it critically. "We've got it covered," she said coolly. There was something territorial in her voice, though I wasn't sure if anyone else picked up on it. But I did. My heart thudded painfully in my chest as her eyes locked onto mine once more, holding my gaze just a second too long.
In that moment, the noise of our friends faded into the background, and it was like we were in our own little bubble again. A bubble that was getting harder and harder to ignore. I wanted to reach out, to close the gap between us, but I didn't know how. It was Jade, after all. And with everything out in the open now- feelings I hadn't fully processed, moments that hung in the air between us –I wasn't sure what came next.
Her hand rested idly in her lap, and my fingers twitched. I wanted so badly to reach over, to intertwine my fingers with hers, to feel that connection I craved. But I didn't. I couldn't. We weren't… anything. Not yet, at least. And reaching for her hand now felt like too much, too soon. Instead, I gripped the grass beside me, trying to ground myself.
It would do for now.
The tension around me was almost suffocating, even though the group kept chatting like nothing was out of the ordinary. Andre was animated, gesturing wildly as he described some new movie, and Robbie was chiming in with his usual awkward comments. Cat bounced in place, her high-pitched giggles cutting through the air. Yet, it all felt distant, muffled, like I was under ten feet of thick impenetrable snow. The only thing I could focus on was Jade and her presence overwhelming, her energy magnetic.
I could feel her watching me. Every time I dared to sneak a glance in her direction, her eyes were already on me- dark, intense, and unreadable. What was going on behind those piercing eyes? What did she know that I didn't? It was maddening, like being trapped in a puzzle I couldn't solve. I wished I could crack open her mind, just for a second, to see what she was thinking. Jade's thoughts had to be a labyrinth of sharp edges and twisted paths, and a part of me - against my better judgement - wanted to dig through them. Tearing apart the microscopic parts to see for myself what thoughts are swirling.
God. I'm starting to sound like her.
The realisation hit me like a bucket of cold water. Jade was rubbing off on me, infiltrating my thoughts in ways I hadn't fully grasped until now. But then again, how could she not? Everything about her was so intense, so consuming. Even in a group, surrounded by our friends, she somehow managed to be the only thing I could focus on.
It was infuriating, although not entirely unwanted.
As I sat there, staring blankly at the grass beneath me, my mind drifted back to last night. The walk we had taken together. Jade had been different then. Not entirely soft, but there were moments I relished in. She had opened up, just a little, and that vulnerability was still stuck in my head, looping like a broken record. It felt like... a turning point. A glimpse into a side of Jade she didn't let people see, at least not since Beck. If she was ever truly open with him, I wouldn't know. And now, it was impossible to shake those feelings that there was more between us than just tension, more than just sharp words and lingering glances.
But Sam... Sam had been easy. Simple. Light. Being with Sam was like taking a breath of fresh air- motorbike rides, gallery visits, lingering touches, soft kisses and endless laughter. It was carefree and uncomplicated in a way that my situation with Jade could never be. Sam was the opposite of this storm that seemed to always converge around Jade and me. But with Jade, even in the mess, there was something deeper, something strong that kept pulling me back, no matter how much I wanted to resist. And the truth was, I wasn't sure I could handle it, but I couldn't walk away either.
"Tori?" Andre's voice broke through my thoughts, yanking me back to reality. I blinked, realising I'd been quiet for way too long.
"Yeah?" I forced a smile, though it felt like it was made of glass, fragile and ready to shatter. "I'm good... distracted."
I could feel Jade's eyes on me again, and when I glanced over, her pierced eyebrow was arched in that signature way she had. She knew. Of course, she knew. Jade always knew when something was up. The silence between us was charged.
It felt like a tightrope, and I was teetering on the edge, afraid of what would happen if one of us made the first move. I'd topple over undoubtedly, but would she catch me or would I free fall?
But Jade's smirk wasn't there this time. Instead, her face was a mask, like she had slipped back behind that wall she always kept up. And then, just as suddenly, she stood up, brushing off her pants with a quick, jerky motion. The abruptness of it made my stomach lurch to my throat.
"I'm out," Jade said, her voice clipped, the words cutting through the air like a knife. "I'll finish the conclusion on my own."
My heart sank. Was she leaving because of me? Did I say something wrong? The knot of confusion and frustration tightened in my chest, making it hard to breathe. I wanted to call out to her, to say something, but the words were stuck in my throat. Before I could find my voice, Jade was already walking away, her dark coat swishing behind her like the trailing end of a storm cloud. Each step was deliberate, purposeful, and final.
I watched her go, helpless.
"What's going on with her?" Cat leaned in close, her wide, curious eyes studying me. "You guys seemed... I don't know, weird. And that's coming from me."
Weird was an understatement. I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair, trying to ease the tightness in my temples. "It's... nothing. I'll figure it out.."
Andre, always the perceptive one, tilted his head, his gaze flicking between me and the direction Jade had gone. "You can talk to us, girl. We're here for you" He said softly, his tone gentle but probing, like he knew there was more going on beneath the surface.
I hesitated, my throat tightening. How could I explain this tangled mess I was in? Not just with Jade, but with Sam too. The two of them felt like opposite sides of a coin - one light, the other dark. One easy, the other intense. And here I was, stuck in the middle, torn between two people that couldn't be more different. I didn't know which one I belonged to, or if I belonged to either of them at all.
"Thank you, you guys are great, but I think I need to deal with this on my own." I admitted finally, my voice small, defeated.
But as the words left my mouth, they felt hollow. Because deep down, I wasn't sure if I believed them. Not when Jade was always just out of reach, pulling me in and pushing me away all at once. And not when Sam represented everything I thought I wanted, yet somehow felt... incomplete. I had no idea what I was doing or how to fix any of it. All I knew was that Jade was walking away, and I wasn't sure I could let her go.
I needed space. My head was a jumbled mess, and the tension clung to me like a heavy fog, thick and suffocating.
Sitting here with them wasn't helping. I know they mean well. Hell, they've been through so much with me the past few years and they could help. But I don't even know what's going on yet. I wouldn't even be able to form the words. I sigh.
Cat casts me a look then flops down next to Robbie, resting her head on his lap. He brushes his fingers through her hair while she giggles and stares up at him.
Everything was tangled—Jade, Sam, my own feelings—and I couldn't make sense of any of it. It was like trying to untangle a knot, and the more I pulled at it, the tighter it seemed to get.
So I said goodbye to the guys and little red, and headed to my next class, Composition Theory, hoping it would give me a reprieve from the chaos swirling inside me. Usually, that class was my safe space. Somewhere I could immerse myself in something I enjoyed and forget about everything else, even if just for a while. Today, though, I wasn't so sure.
I slipped into the room quietly, arriving a little earlier than usual. I chose a seat in the back corner, away from everyone else, needing to be alone. The classroom slowly began to fill with students, their chatter a low hum in the background, but I barely registered it. My thoughts were spinning too fast, replaying the last few days in an endless, dizzying loop.
Sam. I thought about Sam first. Things with him had been so... simple. Light. There was no drama, no overthinking, just laughter and fun. They were accepting of me, understanding, they didn't push or cross boundaries ever. They'd stopped when I didn't want to continue and it felt safe. Like nothing could have hurt me. It felt good being with them, like we fit together easily, like the pieces were falling into place without effort. I smiled a little, remembering the way we'd laughed on their bike, wind in our hair, the city lights around us. With Sam, I could breathe. I could breathe so evenly, so deeply, nothing catching in my throat.
But then there was Jade.
Jade was the opposite of simple. Everything about her was intense, from her sharp gaze to the way she could make me feel a hundred things at once. Yes, she was blunt, had a bit of a mean streak, and yes she also bullied me and was never really there for me. Also there were several times where she had actually put me in danger, she'd pushed me off a fake building onto a mat once, she drove me out to the desert to try and kill me also, well not really, I don't think. But besides that She confused things, stirred something in me that was messy and unpredictable, but also... real. So real. Everything that drew me to ehr was raw. She was unpredictable, adventurous, a little dangerous and knew how to push every single hidden button I had.
I leaned back in my chair, staring at the blank page in front of me. My notebook was open, pen in hand, but I hadn't written a single word. The professor had started talking, but his voice was distant, barely registering as I got lost in my thoughts again. All I could hear was Jade's voice from the night before, her words echoing in my mind: "I wouldn't be here if I didn't care."
Why did those words matter so much to me? Why did they carry so much?
I sighed, shifting in my seat, tapping my pen absently against the paper. Was that what this all boiled down to? Did I want something easy, something light and fun like I had with Sam? Or did I crave the intensity that came with Jade, the depth of feeling, even if it was complicated and messy? I didn't know. And not knowing scared me.
Maybe it wasn't about choosing one over the other. Maybe it was about figuring out what I wanted, for myself. But the answer didn't seem to be anywhere within my grasp, and the more I thought about it, the more lost I felt.
The sound of the professor's voice broke into my thoughts, pulling me back to reality. "Alright, everyone, let's break into pairs for the next exercise."
I blinked, realising I hadn't heard a single thing he said. My notes were still blank, the page staring back at me as if mocking how little attention I had been paying. I looked around, watching as my classmates started moving around the room, pairing off and pulling their chairs together. I knew I should join in, get back into the rhythm of class, but I couldn't shake the fog clouding my mind.
I stared at my notebook again, hoping that maybe, if I focused hard enough, the answer I was looking for would somehow magically appear on the page in front of me. But all I felt was the same confusion, the same uncertainty. Jade, Sam, me... I wasn't ready to make any decisions, but it felt like something was pressing down on me, demanding that I choose.
The ball in my chest tightened, and as my classmates continued to chat and shuffle their papers, I knew, deep down, that no amount of music theory was going to help me escape the decisions I needed to make.
And I had no idea where to start.
I barely registered the shuffling of chairs, the murmur of voices around me as my classmates moved into groups. I was too caught up in my own thoughts, lost in the maze of emotions that had been twisting inside me since earlier. I didn't even notice who I'd been paired with until a familiar voice broke through the haze.
"Tori? You okay?"
I blinked, snapping back to the present and looked up to see Liv sitting across from me. I tried to shake off the fog in my head, forcing a half-hearted smile which didn't reach my eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I replied quickly, but even to my own ears, it didn't sound convincing.
Liv raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. She set her notebook down and leaned in slightly, her voice softer this time, her ever present energy drink already sitting beside her. "You've seemed a little... distant today. Did something happen?"
My first instinct was to brush it off, to throw out some casual excuse and move on. But Liv had a way of making you feel comfortable enough to open up, without ever pushing too hard. Even if she was on Cat's level of enthusiasm and energy. I glanced around the room- students chatting in pairs, the professor scribbling something on the board. No one was paying attention to us. It was just me and Liv, and maybe I needed this.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I have a lot of stuff going on right now."
Liv nodded, giving me the space to continue without any pressure. She had this calm, steady presence right now that made it easier to form the words. Thankfully.
I hesitated, tapping my pen against the edge of my notebook. "I'm just... confused about some things. People. Relationships. Everything feels all over the place."
Liv's expression softened, and she tilted her head slightly. "Like, relationship relationships? Or...?"
I nodded, feeling a knot tighten in my chest again. "Yeah, that kind. There's just... too much happening all at once, and I don't know how to deal with it."
There was a moment of silence between us, but it didn't feel awkward. Liv just sat there, watching me thoughtfully, her brow furrowed like she was trying to figure out how best to respond. I could tell she wasn't going to push me for details, but at the same time, she wasn't going to let me brush it off either.
"Well," she said eventually, her tone soft, "if you ever want to talk it through, I'm here. Sometimes saying it out loud helps, you know?"
I felt a little weight lift off my shoulders at her words. Liv wasn't asking for specifics, and wasn't demanding an explanation. She was just... there, offering a lifeline if I needed one. It was a relief. And even though I wasn't quite ready to spill everything I appreciated the offer more than I could say.
"Thanks," I said quietly, giving her a small, grateful smile.
Liv returned the smile, then glanced down at the scattered notes between us, cursing to herself and sipping her battery acid. "Alright, let's focus on this for now. Maybe diving into music theory will give you a break from whatever's going on in your head."
I chuckled softly, appreciating her attempt to lighten the mood. "Maybe. It's worth a shot, right?"
For the rest of the class, we dove into our project, bouncing ideas back and forth about chord structures and harmonic progressions. It felt good to focus on something concrete, something with clear rules and answers.
And at least, for that hour, I wasn't completely alone in my thoughts. Liv's steady presence beside me, even without knowing all the details, was enough to help me breathe a little easier. It didn't solve anything, but maybe I didn't need to have everything figured out just yet. Maybe just having someone there, ready to listen, was enough for now.
After class, I needed space. The torrent of emotions and the conversations that had been swirling in my mind for days weighed heavily on me.
I wandered across campus, not really thinking about where I was going- just walking aimlessly. Placing one shoe in front of the other.
The college was quieter now, with most students either in class or holed up studying. The wind was gentle, and the trees lining the paths cast dappled shadows on the ground. I barely noticed my surroundings as I crossed the quad, my thoughts too tangled to focus on anything but the need to clear my head.
Before I realised it, I found myself outside one of the campus libraries, pausing to glance up at the large brick building. For some reason, I felt drawn to it. Maybe it was the quiet atmosphere or the promise of solitude that beckoned me. Either way, I pushed open the heavy door and made my way up the winding stairs, passing rows of bookshelves without even glancing at the titles.
Soon, I emerged onto the library's rooftop. The door creaked as I opened it, revealing an open-air space where students sometimes came to study or escape the hustle of campus life. Today, it was empty- except for one person.
Beck.
He leaned against the low stone wall that bordered the rooftop, looking out over the campus with a thoughtful expression. His hair was tousled by the wind, and he had that calm, collected air about him that always made me feel at ease.
I hesitated for a moment, not sure if I wanted company, or if he did, but Beck noticed me before I could turn away.
"Hey," he said, his voice easy and familiar, though he looked broken. "Didn't think anyone else knew about this spot."
I shrugged and offered him a small smile as I walked over cautiously. "I needed some air. Didn't really plan on ending up here."
Beck nodded, understanding, and gestured to the space next to him. "Well, you're welcome to share the view. I won't bother you if you need some space."
I appreciated the offer. Beck had always been easy to be around - no pressure, no need for forced conversation. I slid down to sit against the wall, stretching out my legs in front of me as I leaned back, looking up at the sky.
For a few minutes, we sat in comfortable silence. The sun began to dip lower, casting a soft, golden light over the campus. The quiet was soothing, the breeze gentle against my skin. I closed my eyes, letting myself relax for the first time that day.
"You seem... off," Beck said after a while, his voice casual, but I could hear the concern in it.
I sighed, keeping my eyes closed. "Yeah, just... stuff on my mind. Too much of it."
"Jade?" Beck asked, his tone knowing but not prying. He decided to sit down next to me, and he lean against the same wall, peering up at the sky.
I opened my eyes and glanced at him. He wasn't looking at me, just staring, his expression calm as always. I didn't answer right away, but I didn't have to. Beck had always been perceptive, especially when it came to Jade.
"That obvious, huh?" I finally said, letting out a small, humourless laugh.
Beck shrugged, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You could say that. I know how she can be."
I nodded, biting my lip. "Yeah... I'm sorry it ended like that. I should have reached out sooner, Beck I-"
He chuckled bitterly and nudged me to cut me off.
"I knew it was over for a while. She stopped opening up to me, never looked at me the same, and she couldn't stop mentioning you."
My face flushes in embarrassment.
"There was something off for a while. I just couldn't piece it together, but now. Looking back. It was obvious." His eyes sparkled as he though back on her fondly.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered, trying to hold back tears of my own.
Beck didn't push me to explain. He just nodded, offering silent acknowledgement. That was one of the things I appreciated most about him—he didn't need to have all the answers. Sometimes, he just let things be.
"So I broke up with her," Beck said quietly after a moment, his voice softer than before. "It wasn't healthy in the end. She knows that, even if she won't admit it."
I glanced at him, surprised he'd opened up so easily.
"She'll be okay," he added, as if sensing my unspoken concern. "Jade's tough. But... don't get too caught up in it, Tori. Just... do what feels right for you."
I looked at him, meeting his steady gaze, and for a moment, I felt a little lighter. Beck always had a way of putting things into perspective without making it feel like he was lecturing.
"Thanks," I said softly, giving him a small, genuine smile.
We fell into silence again, the golden light fading into soft evening hues, and for once, I felt like maybe—just maybe—I could figure things out. Eventually.
"So anyways, I'll be off Tori, and I wish you luck." He walks off, wiping a hand across his face before leaving me alone to contemplate.
I thought back to that morning, how Jade had shown up outside my dorm room with coffee in hand, like it was the most natural thing in the world. We didn't talk much as we walked together, but we didn't need to. There was something about the way we had fallen into step with each other- no biting remarks, no sarcasm dripping from her words, just... quiet. Soft. Like for once, Jade wasn't trying to be anything other than herself, no games, no walls.
That scared me more than I wanted to admit.
Because if Jade was being real with me, even for a fleeting moment, it meant something deeper was happening between us. It made me realise just how much she had come to mean to me. I wasn't sure when it happened, maybe it had been gradual, like the way the sun rises so slowly you barely notice until the whole sky is lit up.
Jade's usual defences, the way she always pushed people away with her sharp tongue and her hard exterior, hadn't been enough to keep me from caring. In fact, I had come to love those things about her. The biting remarks? They were a challenge. The teasing? It made me laugh, even when it cut a little too close to the bone. And the way she toyed with my emotions? That was Jade's way of protecting herself, of testing how much I could handle before I gave up.
But I hadn't given up. I couldn't, because underneath it all, I adored her. I loved the complicated, messy person she was, even when it was hard. Especially when it was hard. She was real in a way that no one else was, and being around her made me feel alive in ways I hadn't felt before.
And maybe, just maybe, Jade felt the same way. Maybe all those times she pushed me away, all the barbs she threw at me, were her way of trying to protect herself from feeling the same things I was feeling. Maybe, beneath the layers of sarcasm and the tough-girl act, Jade wanted to be in my life just as much as I wanted her in mine.
The thought made my heart race. It was terrifying. The idea of letting her in, of really allowing myself to love her, felt like walking toward the edge of a cliff. But it was exhilarating, too, because for the first time, I wasn't trying to run from it. I wasn't trying to convince myself that Jade was too complicated, too difficult to deal with.
As I stood there, I finally let myself accept what I'd known deep down for a while now. I was falling in love with Jade West.
And no matter how complicated or messy it was, I was done running from that.
This one was so late guys omg, I'm sorry! Been busy with college :)
Lushcoltrane ; It was definitely the start of something between Jade and Tori, and Sam? Well they'll have to adjust heh. And I was thinking more the buffy the vampire slayer campus? (Maybe because I've started watching but who knows)
Alex02: They're adorable aren't they? :)
Thanks for reading, leave any thoughts in the reviews.
As always, sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language and I'm really trying to learn :)