Despite her resolve to read only one diary a day, Tabitha had lost that control as she read about her mother's time in college, and the way her friendship with Alex Miller had deepened into the first blushes of love. There had been something so tender about the way her mother wrote about Alex, clearly besotted with the woman. A part of Tabitha wished that she had access to any diaries that this Alex had written, because she was desperate to know if the other woman had loved her mother as dearly as her mother had loved Alex. She knew that that could probably never happen, since she still had no clue with Alex was in the present day, just who she had been, and that one picture of her that her father had included in the picture box.

Letting out a deep sigh, she picked up the sixth diary, the one that would detail the start of their last year of grad school. The start of the diary picked up shortly after the start of the winter semester, and her mother had written of all the things that she and Alex did together, how happy they were. Tabitha raced through the entries, hating how short some of them were, even though she imagined that was a result of having too much schoolwork to focus on.

And then, she reached Christmas break of that final year, and she hoped to read about another happy Christmas between her mother and Alex. In the back of her mind, she knew that there would come a point where they split up, because her mother had married her father and had her and her siblings. Still, she wasn't prepared for the series of entries to come.

Lexie told me that she couldn't spend Christmas with me this year, that her parents wanted her back in Kansas City, since she hadn't gone back the previous year, and they missed her. I knew that she didn't want to go, since she loved spending time with Mom and Alan last year. I did ask if I could go with her, but she told me no, since she knows how much Mom misses me when I'm away. It scares me, sometimes, with how much I love her. I've been so lucky that Mom's accepted us, since I know that two women together isn't something society likes to see. I think that Mom just wants me to be happy, since she was so happy with Daddy. And Alan has been such a great outlet for me, he listens to everything I tell him about me and Lexie, and gives the best advice. He, he even helped me pick out a ring for her. I was going to give it to her Christmas morning, before we went to church, but I guess I'll have to hold off until Valentine's Day. We've been together for five years now, so what's a few more months of waiting to ask for this to be permanent? God, I hope she likes sapphires.

Tabitha sighed at the wish her mother had penned, wondering if she would ever find a love like that. She hoped so, but she also knew that she wasn't quite ready to be in a deep relationship like that, not while she was still mourning her mother. Needing to see what happened next at the end of that year, Tabitha turned the page and found her eyes caught by the sight of tear stains that wrinkled the right-hand page. Skipping what was written on the left page, she drew in a deep breath and tried to brace herself for what had changed in the space on four days.

Mrs Miller called a few minutes ago. She only had a few words for me, but I found out why Alex wasn't able to stay with us for Christmas this year. I guess her mother was not aware of the depth of our feelings for each other, but Alex let something slip, and, and, and she's told Alex that there's no place for her in the Miller family if she continues our dalliance. She told me the same thing, because she knows how stubborn Alex is when told to do something. She's asked me to break my heart so that Alex still has a family. But Alex is my family. How do I let the other half of my heart go, when all I want to do is hold on to her as tightly as I can? I love her, she loves me. Why can't it be as simple as that?

Tabitha felt herself tear up, and she licked her lips absently as she glanced up over at the clock on her nightstand. It wasn't too late, so she knew her father would still be awake, most likely working on the latest case he was handling in court. She slipped out of bed and pushed her feet into her slippers before padding out into the hall and making her way downstairs to his study. Knocking softly, Tabitha cracked the door open and peeked her head inside, knowing that he would see that she was crying, and be concerned, but not able to stop the flow of tears down her face. "Princess? What's wrong?"

He got up from his desk and came over to her side, guiding her over to the sofa and helping her to sit down. "You were Mum's best friend during her relationship with Alex. Did she show you the ring?"

Her father's face fell as he pursed his lips together, drawing in a deep breath through his nose as he nodded. "So, you've made it to that year in our lives. Yes, I went with Erin to pick out that ring with her. She wanted something elegant and beautiful for her love. It's also why I never gave her sapphires, because the memory was too painful."

Tabitha nodded. "What happened to the ring?"

"I don't know," he replied as Tabitha sighed and let her head thump down on his chest. Her father curled his arm around her shoulders, holding her close as they breathed in together, and she buried her face in the soft fabric of his shirt. "If I had possession of it, I would have given it to you, when you read about that year. It was the worst year of her life, up until that point."

She sniffled as she nodded. "I would have loved to have seen it. Why was Mrs Miller so mean? What's wrong with loving someone?"

"I hate to say it, but it was a different time then, and there were expectations to fulfill."

There was a long pause before Tabitha spoke once more. "How long would it be before you and Mum got together?"

"It will happen by the end of those first diaries I gave you, but you also need to keep reading. There are a few more spots of joy before the first end comes between your mother and Alex, and we get together."

"Okay. And when can I have the rest of the diaries?"

He chuckled as he patted her arm gently. "I thought you were going to try and space them out over the next few weeks? What happened to one a day?"

She knew that her father was teasing her, trying to get her to feel better, and she shrugged. "I've loved getting to know Mum better through her words, and I feel like I can't stop until I know everything about her! I'm glad that she had you, and that we were born, but I still feel heartbroken that she couldn't be with her first love." Tabitha began to worry a piece of his shirt between her fingers as she thought about how to ask the question in her heart without hurting him. "How did you feel about that? About not being her first choice?"

"Not well, by the end. I think that if we had really talked about why she went running to me after Alex chose James, then we might have avoided the cancer that grew in the dark recesses in our hearts. I thought that I could, eventually, get past the sting of knowing I was second best in her heart. I was so wrong, and I wish that…"

His voice trailed off, and Tabitha knew that she couldn't press for my answers from him, since it sounded like he was already close to tears, and she didn't want to see him emotional because of her. "I get it, I think. So, about those other diaries?"

"I'll leave them on the counter before I leave for work tomorrow. Do try to space them out, though. Sometimes it's better to just find things out slowly."

"You're probably right, Daddy, but in this case, I just want to know everything all at once. Because I'll never get more time with Mum, so this is all that I have."

"I know, princess. All right, I still have about an hour of research left to do so that I'm prepared for court tomorrow. Continue getting to know your mother through her words." He kissed her temple lightly before pushing her away, and Tabitha got to her feet and left the study, knowing that she'd probably get through another diary before she was tired enough to sleep that evening.