First, I would like to say thank you for the follows and comments. SOA is still near and dear to my heart, even though the show ended years ago. I appreciate the fellow fans that continue to appreciate new FF about our beloved characters. I just want to note that I will be taking some liberties with the timeline as the story progresses. Please don't be offended. These changes are in no way intended to disrespect KS's art. Again, thank you all!
I watched as Emma ran into Anya's arms but it didn't do anything to settle my nerves or lessen my anger. It didn't make sense why the Russians targeted Anya. Not only was she hours away from Charming but I had also spent years keeping her at a safe distance. Emma told Anya all about her day as I thought about what this meant for our future. If their relationship to me and the club was no longer a secret, was there a point in keeping them away?
"I'm not going to pull Anya away from who I'm assuming is my niece but I need answers, brother." Juice said, appearing at my side. He had hung back outside to make sure the gate was closed. We weren't on full lock-down since the Russians weren't trying anything locally but I felt better having my family where I could see them. I peeled my eyes away from Anya and Emma and looked at Juice. He was staring at Emma with a confused look on his face.
"You probably want a beer or something." I said, leading the way to the bar. It was barely noon but if I wasn't going to rip some Russian heads off, I needed a drink. Juice walked around the bar and grabbed two beers. He sat one down in front of me and took the stool to my right. I noticed he didn't get between me and the girls and I appreciated it. Not that I would tell him. "Emma is my daughter."
"So, you knocked my sister up and bounced?" Juice snapped. I gave him a glare and shook my head. "Did you know she was my sister?"
"You were just a hang-around when we met. Didn't even know you back then." I remembered Anya telling me her brother was working towards prospecting for the Charming charter shortly after we met. I was a fairly new full patch and hadn't gotten around to meet many people with the other charters. "I found out after we met."
"Why didn't you tell me you had a kid with my sister?" Juice sounded somewhere between sad and angry. I nodded. It was a valid question but the answer was complicated. "Emma has to be what, six?"
"She's four. She's just smart and tall for her age." I corrected him before taking a drink. I wasn't sure how much Anya wanted me to tell him but I wasn't going to bother her and ask. "I did everything I could to keep her away from the club and out of the crosshairs. Clearly it doesn't matter anymore."
"You never told anyone?" Juice was trying to put the pieces together but it wasn't some jigsaw puzzle. It was six years of our lives that we'd kept almost everyone out of. Only a handful of people knew about Anya and even fewer knew about Emma. I was about to answer when Kozik walked into the clubhouse. I saw him smile goofily when he saw Anya. Their friendship had never bothered me but I knew Juice wasn't going to like Kozik knowing more about his sister than he did.
"Anya! It's about time you came south for the winter!" Kozik bellowed. Juice grimaced and I turned to watch Kozik and Anya hug. Emma hid behind her mother's legs. Kozik took a step back and smiled. "This must be Emma."
"It's good to see you, Koz. This is Emma but she's a little overwhelmed right now. Aren't you, Em?" I watched Emma nod. Kozik gave her a little wave before backing off and walking over to join Juice and I. Emma relaxed and went back to reading a book on Anya's lap.
"She looks the same as the first day you walked into Tacoma with her." Kozik laughed, grabbing his own beer. Juice shook his head. "Sorry, did I interrupt something?"
"No, go ahead. I was just asking Hap if I was the only one he hid my sister from." Juice's sadness left his voice. He was just pissed. Kozik looked at me for directions and I just shrugged. There wasn't much of a point in hiding anything now. I wasn't the one who decided to keep it from Juice in the first place. "How long ago did you meet her, Kozik."
"Um, what, Hap? Six years? Your patch was still shiny and new." Kozik laughed. I nodded, remembering explaining the significance of the rockers and colors to Anya. "Hap had gone up to Seattle for court and three days later he came back with Anya on the back of his bike."
"She just finished her first year of law school. It was summer, so she had some time to hang out." I added. Kozik nodded.
"Yeah, she was a pistol. She spent most of the summer in Tacoma when Killa wasn't on the road." Kozik said. The sheriff walked into the clubhouse and everyone stopped talking immediately. Anya and I both stood up.
"Bar is closed for a family event. What do you want?" Jax asked, stepping towards him. Roosevelt pointed at Anya and I tensed. She walked up with Emma in one arm and her free hand on her hip. I had a feeling this had something to do with where she went with Juice earlier that morning. He looked like he was going to be sick but I trusted her. If I needed to know what they'd dealt with, she would have told me.
"Daddy!" Emma reached towards me and I took her from Anya. Roosevelt's brow shot up. I moved Emma up to my shoulders and followed Anya outside to speak to Roosevelt away from everyone. I didn't mind giving them some privacy but I needed to keep her within view, so I took Emma to the playground as Anya walked towards the patrol car.
"What?" I snapped a little harsher than intended. I hated that the sheriff had chosen to show up to the clubhouse. It made keeping Juice's issue with him harder to keep under wraps.
"I didn't realize you were so intertwined with the Sons." Roosevelt was clearly judging me and trying to figure out the family tree. I put both of my hands on my hips, refusing to explain my personal life. "I just came to tell you that the file we spoke about this morning has been taken off the table. I made some inquiries and lodged an official complaint against the source. I never would have used the information if I thought it was a lie."
"Forgive me if I don't believe you." I said, glancing back to see Emma going down the slide with a smile. "You couldn't have told me this on the phone?"
"I prefer to apologize in person, especially when a hot shot lawyer from Seattle throws around lawsuit threats." Roosevelt said. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't surprised he'd looked me up but I couldn't see the relevance to what he'd done with Juice. "As a man of color, I can tell you that it never felt right to hold that over Juan Carlos' head."
"If you're looking for moral redemption, you'd be better off finding a priest. Does this mean you're done harassing my brother?" I asked, ready to end the conversation. Roosevelt nodded and opened his car door. I nodded and took a step back. One issue put to rest.
"A word of advice?" Roosevelt said. I shook my head and walked away. I didn't need or want his advice. I already knew he was going to suggest putting distance between the club and my family. Happy and I had tried that. It wasn't working.
"Everything good?" Happy asked, kissing my temple as I joined he and Emma on the playset. I nodded and leaned into him. He didn't ask for any details and I appreciated it. From what Juice had told me, I was called in before he gave the cops anything on the club so there wasn't anything to tell or fix. "We need to figure out what we're doing."
"I know." I was surprised that he was the one to bring it up. For years he had shut down any conversation that even came close to me moving or getting closer to the club side of his life.
"What was that?" Jax asked, leaning over the fence surrounding the playground. Happy put Emma back in the swing and turned to his vice president.
"Just keeping my brother out of prison." I explained. It was the truth he needed. "I'm a defense attorney in Seattle."
"Damn. So you got all of the brains in the family." Jax laughed. He looked from me to Happy before continuing. "If you're planning on sticking around, we could use an attorney with a family discount."
"I'll let you know," I was looking at Happy while I responded to Jax, watching for some kind of reaction. I had offered something similar before the guys went to prison last year and Happy was strongly against it. Jax patted the fence and nodded before joining Tara closer to the garage. "Were you and Juice talking about us?"
"Yeah. Didn't want to pull you away from Em." He said. I nodded, somewhat thankful that he had started the conversation. "The Russians broke into your place in Seattle."
"The same Russians the club double crossed before you went in?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Happy nodded. "So, I guess the cat is out of the bag?"
"I want a cat." Emma declared, running up to us and smiling brightly. I laughed as Happy picked her up.
"A cat, huh? A stuffed cat?" Happy teased. Emma giggled and shook her head. "How about your momma and I talk about it and you take a nap?"
"Promise?" Emma asked sweetly.
"I promise that we'll talk about it. I don't know if you'll get one right now or not." I said, following she and Happy towards the clubhouse. Emma rambled about what color cat she would want as we walked inside.
"Josie, change the sheets in my room." Happy barked. I bit my tongue, displeased that this random woman was going to be in Happy's room. She raised her brow at Happy but didn't ask any questions before she disappeared down the hall. I had been around the Tacoma clubhouse enough to know that the sweet-butts and croweaters were there to service the men, not ask questions. They kept the clubhouse running in more ways than one. I paused and realized that to them, I was the random woman, not the other way around. The thought felt like a blow to my gut. "What's wrong?"
"Just out of place…" I said, feeling small. Happy frowned and pulled me to him. I knew that as soon as Emma and I returned to Seattle, I would just be a distant memory around the clubhouse.
"You're with me, mama. You're not out of place." He said, kissing the top of my head. I nodded, only feeling slightly better. Everything felt temporary. "Do you want to go put her down or do you want me to?"
"I will." I needed to step away and gather my thoughts. Happy nodded and gave me directions to his room that he kept at the clubhouse. As I walked down the hall with Emma, I prayed it wouldn't smell like stale sex. I walked in and looked around. It was a simple room that reminded me of my dorm in undergrad. Emma yawned as I laid her down on the freshly made bed.
"Can I sleep in one of daddy's shirts?" Emma asked sleepily. It was something she did off and on at home. I hesitated and opened the top drawer of the tall short dresser. I noticed a couple shirts had faded blood stains, so I dug around hoping to find a newer shirt. Something about putting our daughter in a shirt with someone else's blood on it didn't sit right with me. My hands stopped when I came across a picture that I recognized. It was a copy of the framed photo on my nightstand. Happy was sitting beside me on the hospital bed the night that Emma had been born. She was barely visible over the pink swaddling. I was looking down at our baby with a smile and Happy was looking at me with a similar smile. The happy memory was cut short when I noticed an open box of condoms in the opposite corner of the drawer. I gritted my teeth and pulled a black shirt out of the drawer before roughly closing it.
"Have a good nap, honey. I'll be right outside where we were reading, okay?" I helped Emma change and gave her a kiss before tucking her in for a nap. She was already asleep before I turned the light off.
"Oh, she looks pissed." Kozik said, standing up from the bar stool quickly. I looked up to see Anya storming towards me. He was right. She looked ready for a fight and Kozik had been around for enough to know that he didn't want to be anywhere nearby.
"Let it out, Anya." We were overdue for a fight and I knew she had plenty to get off her chest. She slammed a half empty box of condoms into my chest.
"You keep these two feet away from the first picture of our daughter?" She snapped loudly. I knew she wasn't done, so I didn't bother answering her rhetorical question. "It's one thing knowing about your theoretical escapades but now I have to see these women that don't even know I exist?"
"Anya, there's not a single woman that matters to me besides you and my ma." I knew she wasn't in the mood for me to touch her, so I resisted the urge to reach out and hold her. "I told you that…"
"I told YOU that I wasn't interested in seeing other men or hooking up with anyone. Don't turn this around on me." She said loudly. I nodded and let her continue to rant about not wanting anyone else to touch her. I waited until she took a breath.
"If you're done. I was going to say that I told you that they're just human socks." I couldn't help but smile a little at the memory of the first time I had told her that. It was during a similar fight but she was a little less heated. I wasn't sure if she'd find it nearly as funny this time.
"Yeah, and I'm your fucking wife." She yelled. I stopped smiling and watched as Juice threw a bottle of beer against the wall behind the bar.
"I didn't get to that part of the story with him." I explained as Anya hurried to follow Juice into the parking lot. "Don't leave this lot."
"I'm not. Don't fuck anyone while I'm outside." She called back. I rolled my eyes and let her slam the door. I knew she had every reason to be angry. My ma had been telling me since we found out she was pregnant that I needed to do right by her.
"That went well." Kozik said, sitting down on his bar stool again. I lit a cigarette and nodded. We'd had worse fights before. We got lucky that Emma only got half of our collective tempers. "You going to move her down this way now?"
"If she wants to." It was the first time I'd admitted it out loud since seeing the picture of her wrecked living room on her phone. I knew that Charming wasn't any safer than Seattle but at least I could protect her and Emma if they were closer.
"You probably could have ended that fight by just telling her that." Kozik suggested. I cut my eyes over at him, not appreciating how he was interjecting himself into my relationship.
"I'm not using that as a way to win a fight. We'll talk about it later." I said, standing up and essentially ending the conversation. I was tired of the drama. I walked down the hall and quietly entered my room to find my daughter sound asleep in the middle of the bed. She looked tiny in my shirt. I toed my boots off and hung my kutte on the back of the door before laying down beside her.
"Does he know about your first husband?" Juice asked. He had stopped yelling and finally calmed down enough to have a normal conversation. I nodded but didn't expound on the answer. "Is he good to you?"
"He's never hurt me more than I hurt him." I knew it wasn't a straight answer but it was true. "He'd never hit me or anything, Juice. After Emma was born, things got really bad between us. I moved back to Seattle and threatened to sue him for full custody."
"Why are you still with him if he's down here?" It was a fair question and my friends that didn't even know Happy or the exact circumstances of our relationship had asked me the same thing.
"I wasn't in a good place when we met, Juice. I was still with Carl and struggling in law school. I felt like my life was spiraling and the fiery crash was just over the horizon." I swallowed hard, thinking about how low I had felt at that point in my life. "I met Happy in a bar across the street from the courthouse. I was day drinking and he just came in for a beer before he hit the road."
I remembered looking up, hating the way the sun hit my face when Happy had opened the bar door. At that moment, I wasn't sure if it was the tequila or the leather kutte but I remembered planning on taking Happy to some hotel and fucking my feelings away. He sat down a few stools away and ordered a domestic beer. I took another shot and waited until he was served to invite myself over. He looked me up and down when I slid onto the stool next to him. I openly and unashamedly flirted with him as he sipped on his beer. He was quiet but he seemed interested, so I kept going. A couple hours later, I was stumbling off the back of his bike and following him into a seedy, roadside motel.
"He refused to have sex with me. I was too drunk." I explained. Juice looked half sick and half relieved as I recounted our first night together. "Instead of fucking my feelings away, I talked to him for hours until I passed out."
"I'm sure he loved that." Juice laughed as he lit a joint. I shook my head, knowing it was just short of a miracle that I ever saw Happy again after that. He always let me get my feelings out but on that particular evening I was just some sloppy, sad stranger.
"I woke up around midnight and had no idea where I was or what I had done with the stranger asleep beside me. I didn't feel guilty about Carl. I was just disgusted that I had gotten that drunk and hooked up with a stranger. At that moment, it felt like I'd finally reached that fiery crash." I took a deep breath and reminded myself that my past couldn't hurt me anymore. "I heard traffic passing by outside the hotel, so I assumed we were close to the freeway. I put my dress back on and headed outside. I didn't realize I had a plan until I was standing on the edge of the freeway."
"Anya," Juice's voice was almost a whisper. I felt guilty for judging him about trying to end his life when I'd been so close that night. I shook my head, begging him not to interrupt so I could finish the story.
"I stepped into the slow lane but then Happy yanked me back. If he was there five seconds later, I would have ruined an innocent truck driver's life and ended mine." I explained. "We spent the next forty-eight hours together and then I went to Tacoma with him that Friday."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know." Juice pulled me into a hug and held me to him. I nodded, letting a few tears roll down my cheeks. My life wasn't perfect but it was exponentially better than it had been that night or the years before. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"You didn't know, Juice. It isn't your fault." I explained. I didn't blame him. Juice and I had lost touch after I married Carl. Part of it was Carl's fault but I could have tried harder to stay in touch with him. "Can we finish this later? I'm emotionally exhausted."
"I know the feeling," Juice said with a nod. "Yeah, we can talk more later. Thank you for being here, Anya."
"Thank you for being here." I brought my eyes up to his with a small smile. I couldn't help but notice the dark ligature marks around his neck. He nodded and squeezed me tightly before letting me go. All of the anger I had felt about the other women Happy had been with was on the back burner. I didn't want to fight anymore. Not then at least. I wandered down the hall and found Happy sound asleep beside our daughter. More tears fell down my cheeks but instead of a broken heart, my heart felt fuller than it had in months.
"Hey," I whispered. Anya's eyes opened slowly. She had joined Emma and I for our nap at some point but when I woke up, I didn't have the heart to bother her. She looked peaceful and I knew she didn't get much sleep the night before. So, instead I took Emma and watched cartoons with her out front. I noticed how shy she was when members of the club introduced themselves to her and I realized that I was probably one of the only men in her life. That realization made me feel guilty for not being there for her more consistently. Even before I got locked up, I had been out of her life more than I was in it. I was determined to end that cycle. "Let's head home mama."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sleep that long." Anya said as we stepped out into the cool night air. I shook my head and opened the passenger door for her. "I still need to make dinner."
"It can wait, Anya. We can get a pizza on the way home and you can cook tomorrow. We need to have that talk after the squirt goes to bed." I suggested. Anya nodded and climbed into the passenger seat of the truck. The short drive home was fairly quiet aside from Emma asking if we'd decided on getting her a cat. "Jury is still out on that, princess."
"Okayyyy." Emma sighed. I knew she understood what that meant. Anya had told me how proud she was to learn about her mother's job and understand what a jury did, at least on a four-year old level. It was one of the best conversations we'd had while I was locked up.
We ate dinner and talked about Emma's time playing with Abel until bedtime. She was excited to make a new friend, even if he was a boy. I took some pride in her not being boy crazy but Anya reminded me that we had a few years to go before we knew if she was going to be boy crazy or not. I was going to take every win I could get in the meantime. When Anya took Emma down the hall for a bath, I made a call to Jones, the Tacoma Sgt at Arms.
"Yeah, if you can make it up there and make sure everything is locked up, I'd appreciate it, brother. I don't know what our next step is but we'll have to come up there and fix everything before Emma goes back in the house no matter what Anya decides." I explained after filling Jones in on what had happened at Anya's house. He was more than happy to help with checking on things and was already planning on going up to Seattle at the end of the week. Anya joined me on the couch and stretched her legs across my lap. I ended the call, thanking him again.
"I'm sorry about yelling at you earlier, Happy. I just felt like I was out of place and those women are the ones that belong here with you." Anya said quietly. I tossed my phone on the coffee table and turned my attention toward my wife.
"I only see you, Anya." She shook her head. "No, listen. I barely remember their faces. I don't pay attention. They're pressure relief valves. You're my home."
"We need to renegotiate our agreement, Happy. It's not working for me anymore." Anya said nervously with tears in her eyes. I nodded. It wasn't working for me anymore either. She scooted closer to me and I pulled her onto my lap. "I don't want to have a part-time marriage anymore, Hap. I need you and Emma needs her father."
"No, Emma needs her mother and father together." I agreed. Anya nodded. "What about your career?"
"There are criminals everywhere. I can find another practice or start my own." She smiled slyly as I rolled my eyes at the jab. "When I move here, there's no more hall passes, Happy. Not here and not on the road. I know that's not really club-"
"Stop. When it comes to us, what the club does don't matter. I'm done with all the extra shit. I just want my family together, Anya. I thought I was doing the right thing keeping y'all away. I thought it was keeping you safe." I explained, regretting the wasted time.
"It did, then. Things change, Happy. Someone was going to find out eventually. I'm just glad we were here with you when it happened." Anya shuddered and I knew she was imagining a different reality where she and Emma had been in town or home when the Russians hit her house. I felt sick and angry. Her hand on my face brought my thoughts back to the present. "You really ready for this?"
"Yeah. We're gonna fight sometimes because you're so damn hard headed but I'm ready to have our family together." She smacked my chest playfully.
"I'm hard headed? Is that the defense you're going with, Lowman?" She laughed. I nodded and kissed the fingers of the hand that had smacked me. "I guess that needs to change too."
"Yeah, it does. Immediately." I agreed. We had agreed for her to keep her mother's maiden name that she had taken on in undergrad but now that we weren't trying to keep our relationship under wraps, I wanted her and Emma both to have my last name. "There's one more thing."
"What?" Anya asked, raising her brow.
"We might as well get the squirt a kitten." I conceded. Anya laughed and rested her head on my shoulder. "At least get a black one and don't give it some sissy name."