Chapter 2

Waking up before Bucky, Sophia turned on her side to watch him. His soft features were still so boyish on his handsome face. A rare sight to see.

She had missed waking up beside him. She had been away on missions or he had and she stayed at her place most nights. They were rarely here at the same time these days.

Well, that would be her fault. She told Steve she refused to work with Bucky until he could figure out how to keep his eye on the target and not on her. While Bucky told her to get over it because he was not-not going to watch her back in hostile territory. She had huffed and started looking up apartments in the city.

"Morning." She muttered, seeing the moment he tensed slightly and his breath changed.

Bucky frowned for a moment, clearly no longer used to waking up beside her. Confused by her voice so close to him.

"Morning," He supplied turning his head to look at her. "How's your head?"

"Fine." She flopped to her back.

The sleep had done her good, the bruises on her side were another matter. She had woken up in the middle of the night and took some more Tylonal for the pain. The IV medications having more than left her system.

Sophia wondered if Bruce would let her walk around with an IV pole at her side. He would not, he would however probably force her back into a hospital bed for more rest.

It was his turn to roll onto his side. "You can be honest with me."

"I am."

Bucky licked his bottom lip, biting back a comment that would do nothing but shatter this early morning softness between them.

"What are you going to do with all your free time this week?"

"Since I'm limited I might just stay in bed, make you bring me waffles?"

Bucky smiled softly at her. His finger runs over her bare shoulder righting the little gold necklace she never takes off. It always gets twisted around when she sleeps.

"That sounds like a husbandly duty." He teased.

She hummed, "Did Steve get around to tell you about all the stuff before I got my ass kicked?"

He had not. Sitting up Sophia cleared her throat and started playing with her fingers.

"Sam and I were originally going into the gala as a couple. But when we realized Lance was there we needed to change things up. So, I went in alone, with Sam watching my back, and I wined and dined him, if you will. And he did kiss me before I was able to politely excuse myself."

Bucky sat up too, "Is that all he did?"

"His hands wondered, but we were in public, so. It was for a mission and I know it wasn't technically cheating, but with me asking for space and everything, I just didn't want you to see a picture of us in the papers or something and get the wrong idea."

Bucky's jaw ticked, "Are you ok?"

He knew what the red room had trained her to do at a young age. How to use her body as a weapon. It was a game to Natasha, almost fun, Sophia would rather snort sand. Sophia had flirted and gotten her way a couple of times during missions when it was necessary, but Bucky noticed whenever she did, she always took extra long showers when they got home.

Shrugging Sophia met his gaze. "We got what we needed."

Bucky whipped her lips with his thumb as if he could remove the memory of that guy from her lips.

He did not fail to notice the way Sophia's breath hitched when he did or the way her eyes fluttered.

"Soph-"

She rocked forward placing her forehead on his. She breathed in deeply.

"I should. have stayed in the infirmary. I'm not being fair to you." I'm a bad wife.

Bucky reached out and slid his hands over her bare thighs that had been uncovered from the blanket.

"Sweetheart, you're going through something and I am more than happy to sit here with you while you figure it out. I love you, I- please stop pushing me away."

"I don't-" She smacked her lips, "I don't know how to be here and figure this out at the same time."

"Because you've never been allowed to be messy with anyone. God, please tell me you know you are safe with me." She nodded against him, "You can be messy with me, you don't need to be on guard and a hundred percent all the time. I want you, the good and the bad, remember?"

"I just." She whimpered.

She had been hit for being weak, and almost killed the first time she tried to save one of her friends from being murdered. Emotions were dangerous and never had a good outcome, emotional was the opposite of what she needed to be. Had needed to be. She was not a child anymore and this was not the red room... She needed to change, and allow herself to adapt.

She played with her wedding ring, the diamond sparkling in the early morning sunlight.

"I don't want you with one of the new agents instead of me."

"I know."

"I didn't really want space I just didn't want you to see-" me fall apart, "me break."

He tisked, pulling her into his lap, hugging her to him. His grip tightens on her, bracing for her reaction to his next words.

"That breaks my heart."

Sophia tried to climb from his lap, "No see, that's not what I want."

"That is the cost of loving someone, baby."

She shook her head against his shoulder. "That is very 40s of you. Hook-up culture is very in right now."

"Oh is it?"

Bucky tipped forward to bring Sophia's back to the mattress, he hovered over her.

"No broken hearts, just orgasms." She teased but was also a little serious.

Bucky played with the helm of her oversized t-shirt. The morning air swept in along her bare skin.

"Is that what you want?" He teased back, going along with her game.

"You ruined that, we're already married."

He grazed his fingers up and down her thigh, "It may be 'very 40s of me', but I'd much rather make love to my wife than have her body for only a couple minutes a couple of times a month."

"I don't know, could be fun. We could get divorced, try it out?"

Bucky sobered, even though he knew she was kidding. "You try to take this ring off your finger and you won't like what happens next."

"A string of hot sex all over town?"

"Me breaking the fingers of anyone who thinks they have a chance with you."

Frowning she muttered, "That's a little excessive and I meant hot sex with you. "

"Move back in." He muttered back.

Licking her lips Sophia readjusted under him, "I'm already stuck here for at least a week."

"And when the week is done, stay. I don't like you out there alone."

She nodded slowly, she could not keep hiding for the person who loved her.

"I thought I was pregnant, the day you were shot. I took a couple of tests because I had been sick and then still feeling crappy. But we got called away before I could look at them, so when you went down all I could think about the future I had dreamed for us. Me and you and in a second I thought it was all gone. Because I was distracted on that mission."

"I blamed you because I felt so guilty, and I should not have, but you are my safe space to spazz out. So I did. I was not paying attention and you almost died for my incompetence. I sat by your side until you were healed. When Bruce said you were good to go home. All I could think about was you walking in and finding those tests laid out in the bathroom."

"But you're not?"

They had not been trying for a baby. Both of them in too dangerous a profession for that, at least right at the moment.

"No. I double-checked with Bruce that my implant was still working. It was just a bad flu. And I felt terrible when I took those tests and I was begging the universe for them to be negative. And for how relieved I was when I finally looked and they were negative. Not because our kids wouldn't be beautiful, and not because I don't want to have them. This isn't the time."

Bucky kissed her cheeks and then her lips.

"That's why you left?"

"No. I am mad with how things went in the field. But, you getting fatally shot, brought back a lot of things I pushed down so deep. Something I repressed so hard that I forgot about. Things I'm not ready to share."

"But you know you can, if you're ever ready." She nodded.

Hands sliding up his chest Sophia grabbed his shirt and pulled his lips down on hers. It had been two months since she'd had him. Fuck did she want him.

"You wanna hook up with me?" She teased.

He scoffed leaning back to pull her spandex shorts from her body.

"You want a five-minute hook up go find someone else."

Sophia smirked, "Any good agents in training I should call?"

"You keep talking that mouth is going to get you in trouble." He warned.

He commanded her body, his mouth on her neck. Pushing her shirt up her body, he followed the fabric with his mouth, careful over her bruises.

Pulling back to get his shirt Bucky saw how far the dark bruise went and he froze.

"What?"

His fingers ghosted down the battered train along her flesh.

"Baby... Did you show this to Banner?"

"You wanna bring up Banner while I'm wet for you?"

Bucky shook his head to clear it of the image she just put there.

"Maybe we should wait a couple of days to be sure."

Pushing him back Sophia got to her knees and climbed on top of him.

"I promise you, I'm good. I want you." Leaning over him she took his mouth.

His hands were careful, not wanting to skim her bruises. He sruck to her thighs and back, running his hands heavily over her.

Giving in with the silent promise to himself to end this if he saw even a second of pain on her face. Bucky pulled his lounge pants down far enough to slip his cock out. With full hips in his hands, Bucky slid Sophia's slick wet pussy along himself.

He grinned as her breath hitched each time his tip bumped against her clit, her hips would jerk in his grasp. Her fingers teased the skin of his lower stomach and played within the dips of his abs.

Taking his time he admired his wife. They had not been this intimate in a while, and when she first asked for separation he was worried to push her further away. it killed him every day he forced himself not to reach for her.

Now here she was, wet and needy in his lap. Her eyes followed the trace of her fingers, her face soft and open.

Her hips started a rougher more intentional pace, her forehead frowned as she started to work herself up.

Tapping her unbruised hip, Sophia rose to her knees so he could line himself up with her. He made a noise in his throat as she started to lower, he wanted her eyes on him as she took him.

Said eyes fluttered but she worked to keep them open like he silently requested. She rotated her hips around his head, working on opening herself up to take more of him.

"James." She fumbled to grab his hands in hers for support.

Her hands were soft in his, except for the little burn at the edge of her palm, it looked raw and angry.

She could take him deep at his angel and he knew how sensitive she was. God did he love the fact that he could get her off multiple times because of it.

"God you're so sexy taking my cock like this."

Licking her lips Sophia kept her shallow thrusts working his inches inside her. It was always a little harder for her to take him when she had not come once already. He had made it a habit to get her off once or twice before they had sex but sometimes he wanted her to feel every inch of him as she slowly took him.

They were both mostly wearing their night clothes, which hid her body from his view but also the nasty bruise pattern. As much as he loved watching every part of her body react to their coupling, he was ok keeping the bruises out of sight out of mind for now.

Bucky flexed his hips upward relishing as Sophia choked on air as he pushed another inch inside her. Her walls fluttered around him and he took in the flush of her cheeks.

Holy fuck, she was already close. Softly taking one of his hands from hers Bucky played with her clit gently following her lead as she rolled her hips chasing his finger. Her eyes slammed shit and her head fell back as she spasmed around him. Gasping and squeezing the fuck outta his hand that was still clasped with hers.

He fucked up into her as she struggled to keep her rhythm. Basking in the whimpers and moans that poured out of her as she came undone. Her soft giggle as she came down and leaned over him to kiss his neck and shoulder.

Sophia sighed into his skin when Bucky wrapped his large secure arms around her, hugging her body to his. She cupped his face softly, finding his lips once she had caught her breath.

While they had been apart she had tried to pleasure herself a few times but could never get into it and always ended up stopping.

"You have any idea how much you mean to me?"

"Enough to put a ring on my finger." Bucky smiled at her joke.

"I'm not letting you go off alone again, I shouldn't have let you go in the first place."

Sophia scoffed, thrusting down in a hard rhythm, "You didn't, I waited till you were in Italy."

Bucky rolled them gently, "I should have tied you to this bed," He pulled out of her, kissing down her body until he was between her legs. "Forced this gorgeous body to come undone until you saw reason."

He dragged his tongue up her slit, flat and heavy. Pulling a filthy moan from her. Her fingers slid into his hair, nails running over his scalp sending a shiver down his spine.

"Don't stop." Her walls clenched around nothing.

His middle and ring finger slipped inside of her so he could work his tongue over her clit.

"You going to be good and come for me?" She nodded. "Yea?"

"I wanna come." She whimpered. "Bucky."

He knew what she needed, as much as he wanted to taste her, he was not going to deny her, not tonight. Sitting up on his knees he pulled her body down the bed and sank back into her, setting a quick easy pace.

"Touch yourself and make a mess on my cock, Baby."

Grinding, thrusting and rolling her hips Sophia frantically slid one of her hands to her clit while the other played with her breasts under her shirt.

Within seconds her eyes rolled back as she snapped. Bucky's hand pushed hers out of the way so he could prolong her orgasm by flicking his thumb back and forth over her clit.

"Fuck," He grunted as her back bowed off the bed and her body seized up, her squeeze around him almost painful. "That's it, keep fuckin coming."

Sophia sobbed body unable to twist away with Bucky's body solid between her legs. A second orgasm slammed into the first sending her vision white and her ears could hear nothing but her own blood rushing in them.

Bucky's hands were caressing her sides, his lips at her neck as she came to. His cock slowly pumped away inside her as she trembled.

"You with me?" He whispered.

She nodded, "Mmhm."

His hand tightened on her non-bruised hip, mouth claiming hers, he snapped his hips into her over and over again. His pelvic hair rubbed roughly against her over-sensitive clit.

"Oh shit." She cried, one hand grabbing his shoulder, the other cupping his face. Their foreheads pressed together as they panted into each other's air space.

"Are you gonna come with me?" She whined, "Cause I think this sweet little pussy is going to come with me."

"Fuck yes. Yes, yes, yes." Fuck the way he talked to her and the way he lit her body up. "I wanna come with you, I wanna feel you come inside me."

"Be good and cum, that's it cum for me." He panted, grinding down hard on her clit. "Soak me, baby. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Give it to me."

"God, fuck, I- I- uh." She fucking shattered, he gave her five quick painfully sweet rough thrusts before soaking her walls with his cum.

They were both shaky messes as they separated settling on their backs. Both shining with sweat and overheated after two months of not being together.

Fucking hell was Sophia mad if she thought Bucky would ever let her walk out on them again. They fell back into a light slumber until Bucky's alarm went off an hour later.

.

"You going crazy yet?"

Sophia jumped as Sam snuck up on her.

"It's only been two days."

"Any you're ready to bolt."

She laughed, she was feeling restless. It's why she left her and Bucky's room to come down to the lounge.

"Maybe a little. But I promised Bucky I'd actually take it easy. I'm pretty sure he told Jarvis to rat me out if I did anything other than walk around."

Plus she owed him for the separation and luke warm shoulder she had been giving him.

"Want to walk around outside together? It's pretty nice out."

She smiled and nodded.

"You guys are leaving tomorrow right?"

"Yea, Just Steve, Bucky and I. It won't take more than a couple of hours."

"Is it just me or are you guys way busier than normal?"

Sam looked at her out of the corner of his eye, "We are all way busier than usual but it comes and goes. You know that, you've been a part of the team for a while."

"I'm a contract agent, I'm not a part of the team."

"How long are you going to keep telling yourself that and keep pretending like you aren't one of us."

"I don't lay down roots, it's not what I do."

"You married Bucky."

"And it was the easiest and hardest decision of my life. tying myself to someone, no matter how amazing he is or how much I love him. I feel like I'm two people, who I've always been at my core and who I am with James. My heart and head are constantly at battle, sometimes it's simple and quiet and sometimes my instincts rip my heart out."

"These last few years of my life have been so confusing and out of control and I guess I'm still trying to figure it all out."

Sam smiled kindly at her, "We all are, anyone who says they have it all figured out is willfully ignorant or lying. Even if you can't say it to yourself right now. You are an important part of this team and in this family."

"How's your sister?"

Sam went off telling her about his nephews and sister. He had gone to visit them these last few days. Sophia had been invited to a couple cook outs and loved Sara, she was very sweet and so were the boys.

"You should come visit them with me next time we both have a couple of days off."

"I would like that."

There was a loud whistle behind them, Steve was standing near the training gym waving them over.

"Looks like we'll have to cut our walk short."

Sophia shrugged. "The sun is harsh on the eyes, I'm going to go back to my dark cave and listen to a move."

"Now that's just sad." She giggled.

"No screen time for at least four days."

"I'll come by later and play some cards."

"Sure, sounds fun. I still have the deck from the last time we played."

Sam ran to catch up with Steve while she took her time. The agents in training would be running obstacle courses at this time of day. Bucky had stepped in for Steve on training for a couple of weeks so the blonde could focus on other issues.

Sophia thought it was so he would be left on sight to keep an eye on her.

She followed the sidewalk around the building until she got to their training ground. The Avengers had their private space, well earned. Bucky was running sparing drills at the end of the obstacle course. She watched him for a couple of minutes until he looked over at her, probably feeling her gaze.

He gave her a worried glance but she smiled to assure him she was fine. "Just on a walk." She said, knowing he would hear her across the lawn. With a nod he returned to work, focusing on correcting techniques and giving tips.

Watching for a couple more minutes Sophia decided some Tylonal and a nap would be good. Her head was starting to kill her and she felt a wave of tiredness sweep through her body.

When she was feeling better should would have to go grab some things from her apartment. Which she still planned to keep, god, she did not want to have that conversation with Bucky. If he took it the wrong way it would cause another fight, or it would hurt him, either way, she lost.

It was not about having an escape from him. It was about the security it brought her. living here, nothing was hers, Tony owned and bought everything. Sure they decorated their places but other than that, nothing. Who's to say that at some point she won't mess up or they would grow tired of her and then where would she be? Out on her ass with nowhere to go.

She would save that conversation with Bucky until after this headache was gone. But walking upstairs and slipping into their bed, felt really nice. To know he was going to come check on her as soon as he was free, their bed smelled like them. Unlike at her apartment where it only smelled like her. Well, she stole one of Bucky's shirts from the laundry when he had been gone on a mission and had been sleeping with that.

Three hours went by before she gave up on the idea of a nap, no matter how tired she felt. All she could see over and over again was little Sara covered in blood gurgling and crying and - and- god she could not bring herself to go over it in her head, it was too much. Her brain automatically suppresses it and shoves Sara back. A horrible, but less mentally damaging image.

Her heart raced and Sophia flung her blankets off her and ran to the kitchen, finding the candle lighter she pressed on the valve and held her palm over the flame. The warmth then immediate pain grounded her. She sighed revelling in the distraction, at least until she heard a door slam.

"What the hell are you doing? Stop!"

His words did not break through fast enough, Bucky physically grabbed the lighter from her.

Blinking Sophia looked up at him, confused to find him so angry staring down at her.

"What was that?" He demanded taking her hand to look at the damage.

"Nothing." She muttered turning to run her hand under cold water. "An accident."

"It didn't look like an accident, it looked like you were burning yourself."

He remembered feeling a roughness on her palm last night while they were having sex. This was not the first time she had burned herself, the idea that she had been harming herself burned him.

"I was using it to ground myself, it's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is!" He insisted.

Sophia looked at the clock, "You're only on a forty-minute lunch break, you want to spend it like this?"

"I wanted to come to check on you, you looked a little pale earlier." He held up the lighter, "How long have you been doing this?"

Her migraine flared as her mind buried that memory she could not stand to think about deeper and deeper.

"I don't do it all the time."

"When did it start." He was not letting this go.

"I was six, ok?"

Bucky pocketed the lighter, no way was he leaving it here for her to use as soon as he walked out the door.

"No, not ok."

He could tell her how she should have had parents to hug her tight when she was sad, or let her yell without punishment when she was mad. Not repress everything until she needs to burn herself or where else she's done to ground back into reality. She knew what was wrong with her upbringing, he did not need to beat her over the head with that.

He did, however, need her to know she could not do stuff like this.

"Come 'ere."

He turned off the sink and brought her into their bathroom, patting the counter to signal he wanted her to hop up. She did, reluctantly. Bucky rutted around in the med kit until he found the burn cream.

"I don't need that." He silenced her with a look.

"Hold your hand out."

Sophia had half an idea to hold out the hand that did not have the burn on it.

She wanted to kick herself for not going with an ice shower or at least going into the bathroom before she lit the flame, but she was circling and her mind had not been working at full capacity to realize what time it was.

"I don't want you doing this anymore." He spread the cream over the sensitive reddened flesh.

The burn was only as big around as a dime. She used the same spot on her palm, not wanting to damage too much of the flesh. At six she would just hold her hand over lit candles, then she swiped a lighter from one of the red room guys. Then when she was old enough she bought her own.

"Do you have more lighters?" She did.

"Seriously?" His hands stilled to look at her with his full attention. "I'm sure there are other lighters in this building Bucky."

"In our apartment?"

"No that was it." That had been her last one, she brought the others to her apartment when she left.

He grabbed a clean bandage and cut it into a smaller size before using medical tape to keep the wound clean.

JARVIS "Sargent Barnes, some of the trainees dared each other to a battle on top of the obstacle course. One of them took a bad fall and is being escorted to the infirmary. Doctor Banner thinks he needs a brain MRI."

"Fuck." He put the first aid bag back under their sink.

"Go, that sounds bad."

"This is bad." He held her hand up between them.

"First-degree burn or life-threatening head injury." She laid out the facts for him.

"JARVIS, tell Bruce to call me when he gets results. I need to go talk to the others, and find out what happened."

Walking away from her was not what he wanted to do right now, but those kids were his responsibility for the week. With a lingering look between them Bucky stormed from the room, he was going to go yell at some trainees.