As the week drew to a close, I felt the weight of my decision pressing down on me. Yet, with a surge of courage, I made up my mind. I was going to tell Tom yes.
"Because if I don't, I'll be more upset with myself than he would be," I muttered. I marched right up to Tom in his usual seat in the library and stared at him until he noticed me. It took him about a minute to notice.
"Just who I wanted to see," Tom said as he stood up and dragged me away, leaving his book behind. He brought me to an abandoned room and pushed me up against the wall. "You better tell me what you truly want, Layla." I frowned.
"You," I said.
"Is that an incomplete sentence, or are you saying you want me?" Tom asked, "I don't know how to read minds."
"I want you," I said, "And I can teach you how to read minds." Because you taught me first.
"Oh?" Tom asked. He seemed pleased.
"It's just a matter of putting your mind to it," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. Tom chuckled, a sign that my attempt at humor was successful.
"You're being funny again," Tom said, "I'm glad. You were so upset last time we talked that I was worried about you."
"I'm sorry to worry you, Tom," I said. Tom kissed me, and we ended up sleeping together.
~*The Blood on My Hands*~
I couldn't believe my luckâmy terrible luck. I ended up sick on the day of the N.E.W.T.s, so I had to retake them when I got better. Except it was morning sickness, not a stomach bug, and I didn't know until someone told me I was getting fat. I went straight to Tom when I realized it.
"Tom, there's something you need to know," I said, my voice trembling with the weight of my revelation, "I'm pregnant."
"We must get married as soon as possible," Tom said, his voice carrying the weight of his decision.
"Our wedding is in less than two weeks," I said, my heart pounding with uncertainty, "I don't think we can do it any sooner." Tom kissed me, and my mind went blank.
"You're sweeter than honey, dear Layla," Tom said. That was the oddest thing he had ever said in the 53 time loops.
"I have to go take those exams," I said, "But I'll see you as soon as possible afterward." Tom nodded.
I informed the professors that I was just pregnant, not sick. They all eyed me with suspicion.
"She's been dating Tom Riddle for years now," Professor Slughorn said, "It was bound to happen, but they are getting married in a few weeks. I was personally invited to their wedding. Who knew that two of my best students would be getting married after being together for such a long time? I certainly didn't."
"Now, let's get these N.E.W.T.s over with," I said. After 53 loops, I would be disappointed if I didn't get all O's. After I finished every exam possible, the professors had to talk amongst themselves. I went to find Tom to tell him that I was done with exams for the rest of my life because I was done with caring about results.
"What's wrong, Layla?" Tom asked.
"I just want all of this to be over with," I said, "I took every single test there was." Tom frowned.
"Even I'm not that ambitious," Tom said, "Why did you decide to do that, Layla?"
"Because I wanted to," I said, "But I know that I'm not going to pass everything, or at least I'd be surprised if I did pass. It was as easy as training to be an Animagus on a bad day." I learned to be an Animagus last time loop when I was still Rebecca O'Brien.
"You're an Animagus?" Tom asked.
"I..." I started.
"You never told me you were training to become one," Tom said, "When did you learn or have the time to learn? Only your Mum is not a muggle."
"I didn't tell you because I thought you would think it's silly that I wanted to do that," I said.
"You're not silly in that aspect," Tom said, "An overachiever maybe, but not silly for wanting to do as much as you can do."
"And I can't show you while I'm pregnant," I said.
"I'll wait until you're ready," Tom said, "I'm quite excited about more than just your Animagus form. There's our wedding, your N.E.W.T.s' score, our child, and most importantly, our future."
"But what if there's no future?" I thought aloud, not realizing that my bad habit came back. Tom's face contorted in anger like I had knocked the pretty picture he had in mind down the drain.
"What do you mean by that?" Tom asked angrily.
"I'm sorry, Tom. I'm still stuck in my pessimistic ways, I guess." I said.
"Layla, please stop acting like you're the only one who gets affected when you say things like that," Tom said, "I know it was probably one of your thoughts, but I get so scared that you're going to disappear forever when you say things like that."
"But what if it does happen, and you're left alone with a small child?" I asked, "What would you do then?"
"What do you mean?" Tom asked.
"You're seventeen, Tom," I said, "You have no idea how to raise a child; even if you've lived in an orphanage all your life, you don't. I didn't my first time either, and I was seventeen also at the time. I was supposed to know everything because I was the mother. I was supposed to know how to love someone unconditionally, but I felt I didn't have that then. Tom, this is my second child and my 53rd time as your partner. My first child probably doesn't even know I exist, but her name is Abigail. This is my first and possibly last time as Layla. I just wanted to tell you I love you, but I'm sick of all the secrets and regrets. My name is Rebecca O'Brien, and I'm much older than you."
~*The Blood on My Hands*~
I awoke from what felt like a very long dream.
"Mama," Abigail said.
"I'm Sorry, Becca. " My husband, Isaac, said, "She wanted to see you as soon as she woke up." I smiled and sat up.
"Thanks," I said, "I'll take over from here. Go rest."
"Yeah, the night shift sucks, but it's good money," Isaac said. I felt like something happened in my dream, but I wasn't sure what it was. Oh, whatever, it's not like not knowing will kill me.