The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters is out for coffee again. Takes place shortly after The Polterguest.

Ghost Coffee Club

Thorfinn, Sasappis, Isaac, Hetty, Alberta and Trevor were sitting at the kitchen table. There were mugs of coffee on the table and the Ipad was on a stand showing a beachside café playing smooth jazz. They were catching up on what had happened that weekend.

"Let me see if I get this straight," Trevor remarked. "A poltergeist is a ghost that can travel with a living and attach himself on and off onto any living he wants? And go anywhere the living goes?"

"That's right," Alberta nodded. "Saul couldn't jerk off onto another guy without being in a lot of pain."

"Yeah, but it's worth it to go anywhere," Trevor told her. "And Saul jerked off on Jay to be with you. But then you didn't want him anymore?"

"He got too clingy," Alberta told him. "Pete clingy. I'm not saying he wasn't great in the sack. He was great all five times. It's just…A girl needs her space."

"That's funny," Trevor snickered. "You were getting it while neither Jay or Sam were."

"You were cod blocking Jay," Thorfinn explained. "And Sam."

"Oh," Alberta blinked. "Okay. That explains why Sam was a little cranky with me. Okay I see her point. It would have been weird if she and Jay did it with Saul. Yeah. I get it now."

Sasappis blinked. "No wonder Sam didn't object to us getting a stripper."

Trevor smirked. "She did seem to enjoy watching Dinosaur Dundee. A lot."

"Ironically, that was the least depraved thing going on in the house at that moment," Hetty remarked.

"I wouldn't call being with Saul depraved," Alberta scoffed.

Sasappis remarked. "You had sex with Saul several times while another person was in the room."

"Okay when you put it like that it does sound a little depraved," Alberta winced. "But it's not like Gene knew what was going on."

"Jay did," Trevor pointed out. "Eventually."

Alberta winced. "Wow that doesn't sound good any way you spin that. Anyway, Saul is gone. It's over. I had my fun and some sweet memories."

"So did I with my bachelor party," Isaac sighed. He then had a faraway look in his eyes and made clicking noises.

Trevor blinked. "Just when I think you guys couldn't get any weirder…"

"Odin's beard," Thorfinn groaned. "Isaac thinks he's dinosaur now."

"I just think it's fascinating that's all," Isaac came back to Earth. "The clicking is so…primal."

"You're still daydreaming about that stripper, aren't you?" Sasappis groaned.

"Thorfinn admits," Thorfinn remarked. "He was impressive specimen."

"He was, wasn't he?" Isaac grinned. "And so knowledgeable…He wasn't just a pretty…face."

"Oy gevalt," Trevor groaned. "I've seen this before. This is David at the Purple Tiger all over again."

"I didn't know men's bodies could look like that," Isaac added. "Or move like that."

"Isaac," Trevor sighed. "Take it from me. Don't get stuck on a stripper. It rarely ends well. And by rarely, I mean never. Look at David. He was obsessed with them."

"And he ended up dying in a strip club," Sasappis added.

"I'm not saying he didn't luck out in that scenario," Trevor shrugged. "But during his life he spent thousands of dollars on strippers. He'd blow almost his entire paycheck on whatever hot shiksa who would grind against him. He gave them expensive items when they were just stringing him along. Jewelry, clothes…One time he gave a stripper a teapot. Just because she said she liked tea."

"Not my antique silver teapot?" Hetty gasped. "I remember seeing David take that! It had an engraving on it with a wolf's head in a crest."

"That's the one," Trevor told her.

"That degenerate!" Hetty bristled. "That was a family heirloom! My great-great grandfather stole that teapot from one of his rivals fair and square! If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him!"

"My point is," Trevor told Isaac. "Don't confuse a fantasy with real love. Trust me, what you and Nigel have…Again, you two are made for each other."

"That's actually good advice," Sasappis remarked. "How did you think of it?"

"I've seen a lot of guys throw away a lot of money and in some cases their dignity because of a stripper," Trevor explained.

"A man with no pants is lecturing me on dignity," Isaac remarked. "Gadzooks."

Trevor went on. "I'm not saying I didn't pay my fair share but at least I wasn't stupid enough to marry one. Which a lot of guys did. And a lot of guys lost nearly everything! It's nice to have a memory, just don't live in it."

"Which is ironic because as ghosts we constantly relive our memories," Sasappis added. "But Trevor's right. Don't let some weird encounter with a random stranger who literally doesn't know you exist ruin what you have with Nigel."

"I know a story about a guy who made that mistake getting involved with a stripper," Alberta spoke up. "His name was J.J. Jimbo. He was a saxophone player by trade. That man could make sweet music with those lips and his instrument. Well, J.J. worked at this burlesque joint and he fell head over heels for the head stripper Mazy 'My My' Malone. She was pretty well developed if you get my drift. One look at her and all the boys said my, my…"

"I see why that particular moniker stuck," Isaac remarked. "I take it Ms. Malone didn't completely return Mr. Jimbo's affections?"

"Only when he paid up," Alberta remarked. "He gave her money, clothes and jewelry and she just strung him along. That man ended up trying to rob a bank so he could buy Mazy a fur coat. Ended up getting shot before he could step one foot out of the bank."

"I take it Mazy was not exactly bereft with grief," Hetty remarked.

"That hussy didn't even go to the funeral," Alberta shook her head. "She went on a date with this other cat who had money. Turned out the guy also had a thing for strippers. Specifically strangling them."

"Dear lord," Isaac gasped.

Alberta added. "They found what was left of Mazy in the guy's icebox. Along with a few other missing women. Which was a shock to the cops because they raided the guy's house on a bootlegging tip. He was a supplier to some of the gangsters. They didn't find booze. But they found Mazy's head. In a jar."

"Are you serious?" Trevor gasped.

"As the judge who sentenced that guy to the chair," Alberta told him. "Of course, Mazy's murderer lucked out. He didn't get electrocuted. He got shot by the guards during a prison riot the following week."

Thorfinn blinked. "And you think Thorfinn's stories too dark?"

Isaac sighed. "All of you are right of course. My future is with Nigel. What am I doing? Fantasizing about a stranger…With really tight muscles."

"How tight are we talking about?" Alberta asked.

"Very tight," Isaac told her. "So tight you could bounce a wooden nickel off of them."

"Ooh," Hetty remarked.

"And he knows a lot about dinosaurs," Isaac grinned. "That's quite a combination."

Trevor groaned. "Some guys have a thing for leather. Some have a thing for fur. You have a thing for dinosaur lectures. That's weird even by my standards."

"Maybe we should ask Sam if that stripper could come back?" Alberta suggested.

"Let's change the subject, shall we?" Hetty sighed. "Oh, has anyone seen Carol this week?"

"Uh uh," Alberta shook her head. "After what happened with Thorfinn and Pete's blowup she's laying low. Don't know where she goes. Don't care."

"I talked to Crash," Trevor spoke up. "He says Carol has been spending a lot of time taking walks outside by the lake."

"Wish she could jump in the lake," Alberta grumbled.

"It's just as well she's staying out the way," Hetty remarked. "Any time she and Pete are in the same room now they fight. Like when Alberta and I had that terrible fight."

"No," Sasappis thought for a moment. "Not exactly the same."

"Yeah, this situation with Carol doesn't cause as much friction within our group as that incident did," Isaac admitted.

"It's actually kind of fun watching Pete go at Carol," Sasappis grinned.

"Very proud of Pete," Thorfinn nodded. "Pete hits well too! Thorfinn thinks he's rubbing off on Pete!"

"Oh, dear lord," Isaac sighed. "Just what we need. A scoutmaster Viking."

"What's Crash been doing lately?" Alberta realized. "I haven't seen him around."

"Oh, you know Crash," Trevor waved. "His head falls off. It takes him a week or two to put it back on unless someone is there. Same old, same old. We really should hang out with the guy more often."

"I definitely prefer Crash to Carol," Alberta remarked.

"As do I," Hetty nodded. "Well, that's settled. Next time we meet for coffee, we should invite Crash! As long as we can find his head."

"Agreed," Isaac nodded. "Next order of business…"

"It's a coffee klatch Isaac, not the board of directors at Lehman Brothers," Trevor groaned. "Oh! I have some news about my brother! Jeremy went back to working with my dad! They made up and he's going to take over the lighting business. Sam e-mailed him and told me."

"Oh, that's lovely," Hetty twittered.

"Good for him," Sasappis nodded.

"I admit it," Trevor sighed. "I was getting a bit worried about J-Dog. I mean my bro is in his fifties and only just starting to come into his own."

"My father was in his fifties when he died of old age," Hetty remarked.

Trevor was stunned. "How is fifty considered old age?"

Sasappis explained. "He also drank heavily, did drugs, smoked like a chimney and never ate a vegetable in his life."

Isaac added. "And his idea of exercise was either having sex or flogging a servant. He had more stamina in flogging the servants."

"Okay that would do it," Trevor admitted.

"In my day if you survived childhood, it was a huge thing," Isaac admitted. "Living past sixty was extremely rare. Because of you know?"

"Dysentery?" Sasappis quipped.

"I was going to say disease and lack of doctors," Isaac coughed. "But yes."

"And not washing your hands," Sasappis added.

"It was a new practice back then, okay?" Isaac snapped. "Four out of five barbers didn't recommend it!"

"And ironically you were one of those four that didn't," Sasappis added.

Thorfinn spoke up. "In my village sometimes, elders would challenge each other and fight to death just so they could say they died in battle. Sometimes it worked. Of course, fights would last for hours because they were old and not fast. Some died of pure exhaustion during fights. Still counted."

"Just saying dying in your fifties," Trevor shrugged. "Kind of short."

"This from a guy who died in his thirties," Sasappis looked at him.

"This from a guy who died in his twenties," Trevor looked at Sasappis.

"Point taken," Sasappis shrugged. "This has been a weird week. Even more than usual."

"I have to admit I was against turning my beloved Woodstone Mansion into a mere hotel," Hetty spoke up. "Where all the hoi polloi would tromp onto the expensive carpet. But now that we're in our third year…I can see the benefits of such an establishment. It's certainly given us a lot to talk about."

"We've had more gossip these past three years than the past three decades," Alberta smirked. "It's nice having some ghosts visit too."

"Some nicer than others, right Alberta?" Trevor grinned.

"You bet," Alberta laughed.

"Uh hello?" Sasappis looked at them. "Remember my girlfriend? Jessica? The car ghost?"

"Who?" Thorfinn asked.

"OH, COME ON!" Sasappis shouted. "I know you remember her!"

"Not really," Thorfinn remarked.

"Is she the one that had a lot of paramours in other garages?" Isaac asked innocently.

"COME ON!" Sasappis shouted as he stormed out. "YOU PEOPLE ARE UNBELIEVABLE!"

Trevor snickered. "That is never going to get old."

"No, it is not," Isaac grinned.

Thorfinn agreed. "Thorfinn can get at least three decades' worth of fun out of that!"

"I think we can stretch it out to four," Isaac remarked.