The following day, Ryona, Juniper and I spent the afternoon wandering through Nos Vega's vibrant street market, a much needed break from my tangled love life. "Juniper" is the name that Ayame helped our newest crew member pick out. I keep repeating it in my head, an attempt to sear it into my memory. I haven't been the best with names, calling Calderon "Calcifer," and poor Ryona, I kept mispronoucing her name as Rye-ohn-ah instead of REE-ohn-ah. I think Bash's name was the only one that stuck with me, at first.

Juniper's reserved nature is a delightful contrast to Ryona's carefree spirit. We're here on a crucial mission — Getting clothes for Juinper that actually fit him. Whenever he "hulks out," as Calderon says, he has a tendency to shred whatever he's wearing. I can only imagine it's quite the view based on what I can make out through his much-too-tight shirt, even now.

Ryona playfully teases Juniper, her hands finding themselves wrapped around his massive bicep. "You know, Juniper, shopping for you is like searching for a tent for giants." His reserved smile hints at amusement, but he doesn't respond.

He's not the only one who needs clothes. I've managed to save a little bit through my meager Junior Medic salary, so I decide to indulge in two outfits and a sumptuous velvet chemise. I really haggled on that last one, well, actually Ryona did. I couldn't bring myself to even ask, but Ryona gets a high from a good bargain. Her eyes set ablaze as she effortlessly coaxes the vendor into a better deal.

Meanwhile, I watch fondly as Juniper makes his way down the food stalls. Three vendors down, and the rest have wisened up, realizing he has no intent to actually purchase anything.

"Junie, want something? I'm buying," I offer with a laugh. His eyes light up with childlike wonder, my account balance is trembling in fear. His gaze darts from stall to stall, I can tell he is starting to get overwhelmed with all of the choices laid out before him. "We can always come back for more later," I tell him. "Do you want something meaty or a dessert or something to drink?"

"Yes, thank you," he pipes up, looking relieved. Oh, Juniper, this is not how choices work. I guess it's on me now to decide.

"I'll take the, uh, Glutton's D-LIte, extra fries? Um. A Nos Vega Starlight Sundae, aaaand, ooh! Junie, would you split a Emerald Whisper with me?" I purred. I've always wanted one, but I've never dared to order one. The Emerald Whisper is infamous, the drink to get after a long day in Nos Vega. It's an enchating elixir, of frozen carbonated kiwi pulp, Lizard's Tongue syrup, with a nice cocktail of herbs, or so the sign says. It doesn't sound like much, but people from all over go crazy for these. It's garnished with a flaming citrus wheel and shimmer dust of crushed emeralds. After one lick, I've determined it's not really emeralds, just colored sugar. I feel silly.

As we sipped, Juniper's eyes widen. "This is really good." I agree, savoring the complex flavors, but as we chatted, I notice a subtle shift in his demeanor. His laughter grows louder, he has become much more talkative. I initially thought he was mute when we first found him on Orion, but this version of Juniper is talking a mile a minute. I feel goofy all of a sudden. Has he always been this funny? I have to sit down, I actually think I might throw up from laughing if I don't calm down? Where's Ryona?

"Where's Ryona?" I say, barely able to get out both words through my laughing. Wait, is that two words or three? Where's is teqnially two? Teqnically. Technically. Techila. What the fuck is in this drink? "Junie, are you okay?"

"Raina, I feel… amazing."

Suddenly, the drink's popularity makes sense. I want to go ask what's in it, but I'm a little embarrassed. It can't be that bad.. if.. oh fuck. Why would I trust anything on Nos Vega to be, oh, what's the word. Sterile? No. Standard? Held to a standard? Words tumbling out of my mind but I can't latch onto anything. My whole body feels light. I just ate, but, I don't feel full. I can't feel my stomach. It's weird. I have to find Ryona.

"Come on Juniper." We weave through the crowd, determined to find Ryona. The minutes tick by like hours, anxiety sets in.

"Raina! Juniper!" I hear her voice behind us, a melody enraptures the galaxy at her call. I stand still. I gotta play this cool. My eyebrows betray me, both raised so high on my forehead that I can't beckon them down. Just maintain a neutral expression, oh my god.

"What's so funny?" she looks me over, raising an eyebrow. I've been laughing, this whole time? I look over at Juniper, who shrugs at me as if to say "iunno." "Ahh," Ryona's lips quirk into that all-knowing smile as she leans closer. "Which one?" she prods.

"Which one what?" my voice squeaks out, bordering on hysteria.

"Which drink did you get?" She sounds so stern right now. I might be about to cry.

"I'm sorry Ryona, I didn't know."

"No, hey, it's okay, I just need to know which one."

"Um, the green one. It has real rocks in it."

"The Emerald Whisper!" she chimes. "Okay, so, that's just medicinal herbs, marijuana, aethon, and lythari. Just some mild psychoactives. Mostly harmless." To Juniper, this remark was the height of comedy, his deep laughter transforming into piggish snorts. He is… so fucking cute.

Marijuana, as well as aethon and lythari, is illegal in Silta Vie. My brother Noa's past indulgences come to mind. He used to smoke with some of the guards. Vexx, as straight-laced as ever, was invited once, but his hacking cough earned him ridicule and a swift dismissal. He snuck into my room with a couple of joints, but I can't recall if we smoked them right then.

Ryona leads us back to the ship. At one point, I fall over and demand to be carried. I don't care by whom, but of course, it is Juniper who volunteers. We find ourselves in Ryona's room. It's much bigger than mine, but that's to be expected. She locks the door behind us — Hey! Why does she have a locking door — and turns on a the fan, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"I don't think I have to tell you this, but let's keep tonight a secret from Calderon. Time to unwind," she breathes, producing a slender, hand-rolled blunt from her pocket. "For medicinal purposes, of course." She lights the joint, the sweet aroma of zylorin and marijuana filling the air. June and I playfully fight over the last of our drink, racing to the finish with our straws. As we settle in, Ryona pulls down a holographic projector. "Movie night!" We snuggle up on her plush but small couch, Juniper sandwiched tightly in between us. I lean back, letting the warmth of my high spread as I melt into him. As we watch the movie, I notice Ryona's fingers entwining with Juniper's. She leans into him every time she laughs. Three's a crowd.

"I think I'm gonna head to my room now," I announce, a little slurred. My exiting speech falls on deaf ears, as I notice Juniper's eyes are fixed on Ryona. She leans in, her lips locking with his as she unbuttons his shirt. I have to remind myself it's impolite to stare as I quietly slip out. I can faintly hear the sound of their whispers and soft laughter as the door closes shut. I can't help but to smile. They deserve this happiness.

My thoughts drift to Vexx as I make my way to my room. I settle in quickly, the faint twinkling of the stars outside of my window comforting me. Out of nowhere, I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of paranoia. My mind races with doubts as I fumble for my holopad. Please pick up please pick up please pick up.

What did Vexx truly see in me? Was it just my appearance? As I remember more and more of my past, I don't like the girl whose eyes I see things through. She was selfish and shallow. I was a clone of Celest, someone I had previously looked down on through the eyes of nostalgia. I remember we grew apart, not because I couldn't participate in her petty drama anymore, but because she saw me as a threat. I am no more than just a pretty face. I thought she was so full of herself, but so I am. I'm going to die alone. When my looks fade, no one will ever want to be with me. Vexx will find someone else.

"Hey, Princess," a sleepy voice greets me.

"Vexx, what do you like about me?" I ask in a damn near whimper.

"What?" Amusement dances through his tone, but I dare not repeat myself. "I love everything about you, Raina. Your resilience, your determination, your quirks. Like how you tuck your hair behind one ear when you're nervous." My hand instinctively goes to my ear after he said that. I'm warmed by my own smile. "And your compassion," Vexx continues. You care deeply about others, even when you try to hide it." Tears prick at the corner of my eyes.

"That doesn't sound like me, like the old me, I mean," I confess.

Vexx's tone softens. "You were a little less self-aware back then, but even so, you weren't that different from who you are now. You were funny, empathetic. You cared about your silbings, no matter what. You made the best of every situation. I thought I would be so bored being a guard in the palace, but you had a way of making everything fun."

"I guess I just don't remember myself that way, but, thank you, Vexx." I end the call, feeling sheepish for having woken him up over this. I don't regret it, I needed to know. For the first time, I see myself through his eyes - a person worthy of love, someone worth continuing to work on. I want to become the girl of my dreams.