"Happy birthday Bella!" Mike called across the store as Bella entered.
She winced. "Thanks, Mike."
Charlie had already left for work by the time Bella woke up, so she could only hope he respected her no-presents ban this year. Jacob had reluctantly agreed not to celebrate, because he'd seen Bella wrap her arms around her chest at the mention of her birthday. Since she and Jacob started dating in March, Jacob had happily pulled her along the slow road of life without the Cullens. She'd graduated from high school, and gone back to work at Newton's for the tourist season. Her friendships flourished over the summer break, though Angela, Jessica, and Ben had all left for college now. Charlie had grumbled and bugged her endlessly about her decision to wait. He reluctantly accepted her explanation that she wasn't sure what she wanted to study yet, and didn't want to waste time and money to figure it out. Really, she just couldn't think of anything that interested her enough. Literature had always been the plan, maybe teaching, but that held far too many stinging memories now.
Bella's jaw cracked with a yawn as she punched in for work. Her nightmares had returned over the last several days, as her nineteenth birthday approached. Thankfully, the screaming herself awake had not, so Charlie had not resumed his nightly ritual of trudging into her room to comfort her.
"There's some deliveries that need unpacking, Bella," Mrs. Newton called from the office.
"Sure, sure," Bella replied.
Bella pulled on her vest and straightened her nametag, then started on the boxes accumulated in the back of the store. Most of their autumn/winter stock had arrived. Snow boots, heavy wool jackets, below-freezing sleeping bags and tents, hats, gloves, scarves, and ice-pick shoes. The process took most of the morning. Then she and Mike started on the long task of relabeling all of the summer merchandise with end-of-season sale prices.
On her lunch break, Bella sat in the office across from Mrs. Newton and picked at her peanut butter sandwich. Mike's mother was used to her sullen moods, and clicked around on the desktop computer as if Bella wasn't sitting in the same room, staring blankly at the wall as she pretended to eat. The phone rang, Bella took a sip of her soda. Mrs. Newton's voice droned at the edge of her mind, she plucked at the aluminum tab on the top of her can until it came off.
"Oh, yea, she's right here," Mrs. Newton finally caught Bella's attention. "Bella? It's your mother."
Bella stood and walked over to the desk. Mrs. Newton handed over the phone and stood up to leave the room, her hot pink lips spread in a smile. She collected her catalogs and whispered, "I'll let you talk. You didn't tell me today was your birthday!"
The edges of the slowly shrinking hole in Bella's chest flared with pain. "Thank you."
Mrs. Newton left, Bella put the phone to her ear. "Hi, mom."
"Bella! Happy birthday!" Renee exclaimed. Her brightness made Bella uncomfortable, like staring at a lightbulb. She'd been the same when Bella was in the hospital in Phoenix, and when she'd come to Forks after Edward's departure, and when Bella visited her after graduation. "How are you? Any fun plans today?"
"Just working," Bella said. She wrapped the phone cord around her finger.
"Oh, Bella," Renee chided, "Why don't you do something fun? With Jacob or your friends?"
Because I've never liked my birthday anyway, and now it reminds me of the time my world fell apart because of a paper cut. Bella said, "Maybe I'll get Jake to take me to the movies."
"You could come visit me!"
Bella forced a chuckle. "Yea, maybe."
Going to Jacksonville for a week in the summer had been a strange inversion of her childhood custody arrangement. The sunny beaches and heat had felt like another world. In the small guest room of her mother's house, Bella had laid awake and tried to remind herself of all the reasons that she stayed in Forks, despite the constant reminders. For Charlie, her friends, and job. The stumbling, but comfortable romance with Jacob. Certainly not because it would be so easy to forget the Cullens in sunny paradise. It'll be like I never existed, Edward had said. Well, not if Bella had any say in things.
"Oh, Bella, I just don't know how you stand it up there. So wet and cold and boring," Renee groaned for emphasis.
"It's alright," Bella said for the thousandth time, then, to distract her mother, asked, "How's Jacksonville? Is Phil's leg healed?"
Renee launched into a full account of her life since Bella's visit in May. They spoke only rarely these days, which was much easier for Bella. "He's training again, with the PT. I go to his appointments with him, you know. His coach and agent say he should be able to restart in the spring, even though he missed this whole season."
"That's good," Bella said.
Renee barely seemed to hear her. She barrelled forth, "For now he got a job coaching little league soccer. Did you know he played soccer too? In high school, at least. We won't be able to travel so much, but I love it here in Jacksonville. Did I tell you I joined a running group? You should do something like that, Bella, fitness is important as you get older."
Bella swallowed. "Jake and I have been going hiking a lot."
"Hiking?" Renee questioned, "Really?"
"Yep." Bella had abandoned the search for the meadow when she decided to date Jacob. But they often walked the beaches. They drove into the park to hike along the jagged ridgelines or through the mossy rainforest. She'd completed the three-mile vertical trek to Lake Angeles and clung to Jacob's warm body as he waded in the frigid snow-melt water.
"Well, that's good," Renee moved on, "I might sign up for a half-marathon. A couple of the girls in my group are doing one in November down in St. Augustine. Oh, Bella! Maybe you could come to see me run!"
"Sure, sure," Bella said agreeably, knowing this running phase probably wouldn't last the month. She looked at the clock. "Mom, aren't you working today?"
"No!" Renee laughed, "I'm just subbing this year at school. I was getting so bored with teaching every day. Now I have so much more time for my hobbies. I watched this horrible documentary the other night about sweatshops in China, it was awful. Maybe I'll try sewing, I don't want to buy from them anymore."
"Good idea." She pushed away the memory of nimble, pale fingers pulling a needle through pink silk.
Renee hummed. "My mom used to sew. Do you think it's unfeminist of me to learn?"
"Um, no," Bella fumbled, "it's a practical skill." Not that such things as sewing, baking, cooking, driving, cleaning, laundry, and childcare had ever much held Renee's interest.
"Good point," Bella heard her mother's decisive nod, "Oh! Phil just pulled into the driveway, I gotta go! We're going to a concert with some friends tonight!"
"Okay, I love you," Bella said.
"I love you too, honey!"
"Bye, mo–" the line went dead.
Two years earlier, it would've been unthinkable for such distance to exist between her and Renee, but now it felt normal. Bella barely felt a sense of loss, she was content knowing Renee was happy with her life. With Phil, who had a trust fund to support her endless hobbies and travels, and a youthful enough spirit to be happy taking her to a concert on a Wednesday night.
Bella returned the phone to its cradle, untangled the cord, and returned to her lunch. The food held no appeal, but she finished her can of Coke and tossed it in the recycling bin. Even if she wouldn't eat it, Bella felt guilty for wasting the food, so she took the remaining peanut butter sandwich and chips out the store's back door. The delivery parking lot backed up to a line of trees, the forest's constant encroachment on the town of Forks. She pulled the bread apart and crushed the crackers in her hand, then threw the pieces into the bushes. Within moments, a squirrel and flurry of little sparrows descended upon the feast. Bella brushed off her hands and went back inside.
The afternoon passed with enough activity to keep Bella comfortably distracted. Working in the store had been agonizing at first, with all the reminders of Edward's endless visits the previous summer. But Bella had adjusted. She no longer flinched when she stocked the items he'd bought. The door opened to admit people who weren't him all throughout her days, and her chest barely stung at all. Jacob stopped by occasionally, which was painful, but his sunshine demeanor soothed the aches quickly enough.
Mike found her in the office as she was preparing to leave. "Fun plans for your birthday?"
"Not really," Bella said. Mike and Jessica had continued their on-again-off-again situationship for nearly the entire time Bella had lived in Forks. They were on-again at the moment, with both of them commuting to Port Angeles for classes at Peninsula College, so Bella didn't anticipate any attempts at flirting.
"Jacob's not taking you out?" Mike asked. His face twisted triumphantly, he didn't get along with Jacob any better than he had with Edward. The embarrassment of his stomach flu eruption at the movie theater had not faded.
"We'll probably just hang out at my house," Bella said, shoving her vest into her cubby.
Mike's nose scrunched in distaste, but he nodded intentionally. "Well, enjoy yourself."
"Thanks," Bella gave him a small smile that seemed to placate him, though she was intensely squeamish at the idea of him assuming she and Jacob were having sex that night.
She gathered her things and fled to her truck. Jacob had fixed the gaping hole in the dashboard so it wasn't such a mess of loose wires and sharp plastic, but Bella had refused a new stereo. They were expensive, and though she'd begun to tolerate some genres of music, she was not yet to the point of craving it during the short drives around town.
Her wristwatch told her it was nearly five, and on the way home Bella began to worry. Charlie would be home, and he would wonder why Bella wasn't seeing her boyfriend on her birthday. When she thought about it, she started to wonder if maybe Jacob was disappointed about her birthday embargo. He loved her, and she tried to love him in return, but that love often took a lot of careful consideration. Jacob kept her from falling apart again, and Bella did whatever she could to be a good girlfriend, despite all the ways she was broken. A good girlfriend would want to spend her birthday with her boyfriend, Bella decided, though it sent a flare through her chest.
When she got home, Bella sat at the kitchen table and flipped through the Port Angeles movie listings in the newspaper. Only three things were playing that evening, a kids' cartoon, a rom-com, and a superhero movie.
Bella dialed Billy's number and waited for three rings. The man's familiar, rough voice answered, "Hello?"
"Hey, Billy," Bella said, "is Jacob there?"
He should be there, Bella knew. Because Harry gave him Wednesday afternoons off from work at the garage on weeks when he did both Saturday and Sunday. And Sam only occasionally required the wolves to run patrols.
"Yea, he's here," Billy answered. There was a scratchy sound, then a muffled shout, "Jake! Bella's on the phone!"
Bella didn't hear any reply, but Billy came back on the line and said, "he's coming. Happy birthday, by the way."
"Thanks," Bella grumbled.
The phone exchanged hands with a rustle, and Jacob said, "Hey!"
"Hey," she said, his voice brought a little smile to her lips, "You know how it's my birthday?"
"Um, yea, Bella," Jacob chuckled, "I remember the no-presents lecture."
"That still applies," Bella stumbled for the words, "but do you maybe wanna go see a movie? Tonight?"
"Sure! Gimme 30 minutes, I'll come pick you up."
"Okay, see you soon," Bella breathed. Committing to something brought a sense of relief.
While she waited, Bella cooked some dinner for Charlie. She chopped peppers and onions that made her eyes sting and cooked ground beef with southwest spice. Charlie came through the door as she was assembling the tacos in their crunchy shells. She made them with plenty of cheese and sourcream to cut the spice that scared her small-town father.
"Smells good, Bells!" He announced as he entered the kitchen. He untucked his shirt and got a can of beer from the fridge as she set his plate on the table. When he was settled, Bella started on the dishes. "You not eating?"
"Jacob and I are gonna go see a movie," Bella said, "we'll grab something there."
"Oh, nice," Charlie said. Bella looked back and caught him grinning into the top of his beer can. Hopefully spending time with Jacob would help her sleep better tonight.
Bella had her hands wrist-deep in soapy water when a car honked from outside. The pressure in her chest eased when she looked out the window and saw Jacob's Rabbit.
Charlie stood from the table and went to the front door. As Jacob stepped out of the car, Charlie shouted, "Hey! You think you can honk at my daughter?! Punk!"
Bella chuckled. By the time Charlie and Jacob walked into the kitchen, she'd started drying the dishes. The two of them were laughing about something, and Charlie said, "I thought you got the no-presents talk too."
Jacob was holding a bunch of flowers, grinning like a little kid who'd gotten away with stealing a stick of bubblegum. In three strides of his long legs, he crossed the kitchen and offered them to Bella. She took them, glaring at him.
"They're not a gift, I picked them on the side of the road." He bent over to kiss her cheek, and Bella rolled her eyes.
There was a rarely used vase in the cabinet above the refrigerator. Bella rinsed out the dust, then set the flowers on the center of the kitchen table. The little burst of pink and yellow brightened the room nicely, Bella admitted.
Jacob drove to Port Angeles with the radio silent, but his reliably happy chatter filled the time. He'd started working in Harry's auto shop on the reservation after graduation, and the work supplied him with endless anecdotes. Bella chuckled in all the right places as he told the story of an oil change he'd done for a couple of tourists. They'd been completely nice and the service easy enough, except for the reek of marijuana coming from the car and the used condom on the floor of the passenger's seat.
"What?" Bella gasped.
"It scared the shit out of me when I got in to drive around to the front, thought it was a dead snake or something for a second."
"Gross," Bella laughed. The hole in her chest was barely noticeable, with Jacob next to her. "What'd you do?"
Jacob shrugged. "Pretended I didn't notice, obviously."
Both of them giggled, and Jacob launched into his next story: Billy and Rachel's Attempts To Sort Through The Storage Boxes In The Attic, Part 3. They'd found Jacob's collection of plastic dinosaurs from his obsessive phase in first grade. Rachel wanted to donate them. Billy wanted to save them for his grandchildren. At that, Bella huffed in amusement and ignored the twinge of anxiety in her stomach.
Jacob's hand slid across the seat to rest on Bella's knees. But his palm was so hot, she had to remove it before the skin beneath her jeans started to sweat. She held his hand on the center console instead.
"I'm hungry," Jacob announced as they approached Port Angeles, "what time's the movie start?"
"7:30."
Jacob checked the clock on the dashboard and pulled into the next drive-thru they passed. "Whatcha want?"
"I made dinner at home," Bella said, "I'll be good with some popcorn."
"I am not sharing my fries," Jacob warned as they approached the window. Bella grinned and shook her head.
Jacob ordered a Big Mac, then drove to the movie theater. He scarfed it down in the parking lot, as Bella turned the dial on the radio until she found something besides music. A Seattle-based pair of hosts told her all about the messy divorce between two celebrities she'd never heard of, Jacob chuckled occasionally, between mouthfuls.
The streets of Port Angeles were calm as they walked to the movie theater. Noise spilled onto the road from the patio section of a bar and grill. A sports game blared on several large TVs, patrons alternatively cheered and groaned. From the other side of the buildings, the sounds of the waterfront. A ship's horn blasted, momentarily drowning out the constant call of the seagulls. When they crossed an intersection, Bella looked to the left and saw down to the harbor. Sunlight glistened bright white on the water, all the way to the mountains of Vancouver Island. To their right, the Olympic mountains shot straight upwards into the clear-blue sky.
Bella let Jacob buy the tickets and snacks, gritting her teeth against any complaint. It seemed like the normal girlfriend thing to do.
The movie was suitably action-packed. Bella took a few handfuls of Jacob's extra large bucket of popcorn, and a few sips of his cherry-Coke slushie. They laughed at the hero's one-liners and gasped with the rest of the audience when the villain took over the city. At the end, when the hero rescued his generically beautiful love interest and kissed her deeply, Bella didn't even feel the need to look away.
"That was cool," Jacob declared as the credits rolled.
Bella agreed, "yea, I liked it."
When they stepped outside again, the sky was nearly dark. Street lamps illuminated the path back to the car in little patches of orange light. Outside one of the bars, a group of men stood around their motorcycles in a cloud of cigarette smoke. None of them looked twice at Bella, with 6 foot 7 inches Jacob walking beside her. But she felt a flush of shame for the impulsive ride with a stranger that had driven her to Jacob in the first place.
Bella swallowed, and said, "I'm working Saturday, probably the last big rush of the season. But I have Sunday off. Wanna ride bikes if the weather is nice?"
"Hell, yea," Jacob agreed, "might not get much chance once fall starts."
Bella nodded in agreement, though she had little recollection of her previous autumn in Forks. "I'll make a picnic, we can go up to Neah Bay."
They never rode in Forks or the populated areas of La Push, for fear of Charlie spotting them or someone taking it upon themselves to snitch on the Chief of Police's daughter. The apparitions of Edward had faded around the time Bella stopped hurting herself riding, but she'd given up that chase when she decided to date Jacob anyway. Now they rode side-by-side along the winding cliff-top roads, or through the dense forests of the peninsula's interior. It was an easily enjoyable activity. No unpleasant reminders of the past. Plenty of new, happy memories with Jacob and fresh air whipping through her hair.
For the drive back, Jacob chattered about the movie. Apparently, it was based on a comic book, which he'd read with Quil and Embry years earlier. He wondered if the action figures he'd gotten for his eighth birthday would be in one of the storage boxes, Bella said she hoped they were. Jacob speculated about a possible sequel, Bella offered some contribution, though she could barely remember the plot of the movie by the time they reached Forks. The porch light was on at Charlie's house, but the windows were all dark.
Jacob put his car in park and turned towards me. The bashful expression on his face was a bit out of place for someone so huge. "Was it a decent birthday?"
Better than the last one, at least. Bella said, "yea, thanks, Jake."
Jacob grinned. He lifted a hand to the side of Bella's face, leaned forward, and pressed their lips together. Bella closed her eyes and kissed him back. It always felt nice to kiss Jacob, like holding his hand or being pulled into one of his warm hugs. She tilted her head when he moved his, put her hand against his t-shirt when he pressed in further.
Jacob pulled away first, then landed a little peck on the tip of Bella's nose. His warm breath fanned across her face, popcorn butter and slushie. Bella's cheeks went a bit pink, and Jacob smiled again. "I'll call you tomorrow."
"Alright," Bella shifted out of his grasp and fumbled to release herself from the car. "Goodnight, get home safe."
They waved goodbye after she'd shut the car door. As she walked away, Bella heard him turn on the car radio and crank up the music. He stayed parked on the street until she'd closed the front door and turned off the porch light. Bella fumbled her way into her room in the dark, closed the door, and turned on the lamp. She sat on her neatly made bed and removed her shoes, then placed them in the line of shoes on her closet floor. Her hanging clothes were organized by color, and when Bella opened a dresser drawer for pajamas, they were all stored in tight rolls.
Bella got ready for bed, slipped under the blankets, turned out the lamp, and stared up at the ceiling. The window was closed, but she kept the curtains open. The faint moonlight shone through the tree outside, throwing spidery shadows across her room. They shifted with the gentle breeze, moving like jagged fingers. Another version of Bella would've turned the lamp back on and picked up a book. But all of old Bella's novels were shoved to the back of her closet, on top of the stereo-shaped trash bag. So she followed the swaying of the shadows above her, and thought of Jacob, because she did not want to think about her last birthday or the agony that followed.
Their transition from friendship to romance had been so easy, once Bella accepted it. The only blip in their entire relationship had been between his first transformation to a wolf and her learning of their existence. That seemed entirely insignificant, nearly five months later. The other boys teased Paul occasionally, about how he used to be so bad at controlling his temper. It was laughable now, with how mellow he'd become since imprinting on Rachel; the others called him a neutered wolf. Bella didn't want to think about imprinting either, so she planned out her next day. Charlie's house was probably the cleanest in town these days, but she would find something to scrub after work. Rachel and Billy's mission inspired her. Charlie's attic was probably stocked full of stuff dating back to his purchase of the house twenty years earlier, and probably a lifetime of things inherited from his parents. The idea helped Bella relax enough that her eyes started to drift shut. She could spend her empty, daunting afternoons for several weeks going through everything up there.
Even in her unconsciousness, Bella felt the relief to find herself somewhere besides the forest of her nightmares. Instead, she was floating in a warm, calm ocean. When she broke through the surface, there was nothing but water in every direction. She felt no panic, just an admiration for the dolphins leaping from the waves in the distance. Sunlight glinted off their slick bodies as they weaved up and down. Bella took a big inhale and dove beneath the waves, though she did not struggle for oxygen. Something in the depths caught her attention, a glimmer of light. She swam down and down, but it grew no closer.
Bella woke to the blaring of her alarm clock, a rarity of the last few days. Yesterday's good weather had not continued, the usual foggy drizzle resettling Forks overnight. The vase of flowers on the kitchen table made Bella smile between mouthfuls of cereal. She made herself a peanut butter sandwich, and told herself she would actually eat it today.
On the short drive to work, Bella got stopped behind a minivan from California. Her eyes followed the father's pointed finger into the treeline, where a herd of deer gazed just beside the road. She cracked her window and just barely made out the excited shrieks of the children in the backseat. A couple of the adult deer stared up at the road suspiciously, but none of them fled. The driver ahead waved at Bella, she waved back, and they all proceeded along the wet road.
When she arrived in the office, Mike was on the phone with Jessica. He gave her an awkward half-smile in greeting, but they were obviously in the midst of an argument. Bella punched in and went to the shop floor. There was a steady trickle of customers throughout the day, none of them required any assistance from Bella. She helped Mike with the rest of the seasonal turnover and managed to finish half of her lunch. By the end of the day, she felt exhausted despite the good night's sleep.
Bella stopped by the grocery store on the way home, so Charlie's cruiser was already in the driveway when she arrived. He jumped up from the couch when she came through the door, her arms full of paper bags. "Stopped by the store?"
"Yep," Bella answered.
He followed her into the kitchen and helped her unload everything. When he found the still-full "food money" jar, he held it between them and raised an eyebrow. Bella shrugged, "I paid for it."
"Bells," Charlie sighed.
"Dad, it's fine," Bella focused intently on the arrangement of cans in the cabinet, "I forgot and didn't want to come all the way home."
"You're supposed to be saving. For college, remember?" Charlie put a hand on his hip, like he was settling in for a long discussion.
"I am," Bella promised, "I just forgot the money here."
Charlie grumbled something about parents and kids. He twisted the lid off the jar and took out a few bills, then opened Bella's purse, took out her wallet, and shoved them inside. Bella rolled her eyes, she really had just forgotten the money that morning. No college-dodging intentions whatsoever. Charlie hovered for one second too long, and Bella grabbed him by the arm and shoved him out of the kitchen. "Go away, I'm making risotto."
The recipe was long and complicated, her favorite kind. Bella had to pay constant attention to the pan, and by the time it was finished, she was starting to sweat from the heat of the stove. Charlie returned when she called for him. He made all his usual declarations about the food smelling and looking wonderful, then sat at his spot. The kitchen was uncomfortably warm, so he opened the window halfway. There was a soft drizzle outside, but none of the raindrops blew past the screen. Charlie praised the food and returned for seconds, Bella mostly finished her plate, which made her chest swell with pride. Her jeans would not start to slide off her hips again, if she could help it.
They had never felt the need to fill a silence, but Charlie asked about the movie with Jacob. Bella gave him a vague reply, because she barely remembered it. When they finished, Bella gathered up all the dishes and started the washing before he could offer. Charlie took out the trash and came back into the kitchen for a beer before settling in front of the TV. The drone of whatever weekly drama he was watching filled the downstairs.
Bella put away all the dishes and cleaned the countertops. When all of that was done, it was only 7:43, so she wiped down the cabinet doors. From there, she scrubbed the range from top to bottom, then the sink, then the table and chairs and windowsills. She opened the window all the way to let in the cool evening air, it rustled the flowers in the vase. When she'd done everything she could think to do, Bella stood in the middle of the kitchen and looked around for anything else that needed cleaning.
The phone rang, and Bella rushed to answer. It was Jacob, with a stream of gleeful chatter that eased the squeeze around Bella's chest considerably. Bella would've liked him to talk all night, but Billy's muffled voice interrupted, telling Jacob to hang up before he racked up a bill. Charlie was already headed upstairs anyway, so they said goodnight, and Bella braced herself for the usual sting of going up to her room.
Bella dreamed of the ocean again, with the same anesthetic sense of calm. Storm clouds churned above her, but the water was perfectly calm.
The pattern of surprisingly decent sleep, work, and frantic attempts to keep herself busy continued uninterrupted until Saturday. At the store, Mike described the elaborate date he was planning for Jessica that night, to make up for whatever argument had darkened his mood the last few days. His eyes kept flicking over to her, and she made her excuses to get to work. The morning passed in the expected blur of customers, local parents dragging melodramatic children around for school sports equipment. People trying to return things they'd bought in May and never used. Backpackers replenishing their supplies of dehydrated food.
As Bella gathered her things to leave, Mrs. Newton walked into the office, her high heels clacking against the linoleum. She went to sit behind the desk, and said, "Bella, can you chat for a minute?"
"Sure," Bella said. She walked over to stand in front of the desk.
"Pull up a chair," Mrs. Newton gestured to the little table where the staff ate lunch.
Bella swallowed and pulled a chair across the room, the legs shrieking as they scraped the floor. Mrs. Newton put her folded hands on the desk and gave Bella a sympathetic expression that made her stomach flip. She leaned forward and said, "Bella, you've been a great worker here. Really, we appreciate you so much."
"Th-Thank you," Bella stuttered.
Mrs. Newton's painted lips lifted into a pitying sort of smile. "But I'm afraid we aren't able to keep you on after the season ends, there's just not enough work."
Bella's heart pounded against her ribs, she sucked in a breath and said, "Oh, um, okay."
"We'd love to have you back next summer!" Mrs. Newton gushed, "It's just, with Mike working nearly every day now…you understand?"
"Yes," Bella breathed. Her throat felt tight with anxiety. "I understand."
All the familiar tactics she'd employed against Charlie's concern surfaced out of instinct. She bit her lip to stop tears from coming to her eyes. Took deep breaths to her stomach to prevent any sobs. Forced her hands to unclench from the tight fists. Fought the compulsion to wrap an arm around her chest. Bella did understand the reasoning, and she understood that this reaction was abnormal. Normal, whole-person, unbroken teenagers living with financially stable parents did not fly into panicked breakdowns when they were kindly let go from seasonal retail jobs.
Mrs. Newton fiddled with some papers, gracefully allowing Bella a moment to right herself. "You can work through next week, of course."
"Thank you," Bella said flatly, "that's very helpful."
Bella stood and calmly collected all of her things. She told Mike goodnight, enjoy the date. She stood by the side of her truck and picked some fallen leaves out of the windshield wipers. Then Bella drove all the way home, her sternum slowly cracking. She tried not to think about the hole in the dashboard, or the vacant mansion in the forest, or the convenient drizzle. Charlie wasn't home yet, which was a relief. As Bella trudged inside, she took deep breaths against the flares of pain in her chest.
"Nothing new is happening," she whispered to herself, fumbling with her key in the lock, "nothing new is happening. I can find something else to do. It's fine."
Bella dropped her things on the stairs and hurried to the phone. Dread rose in her chest with each ring.
"Hee-llo?" Jacob said, in two distinct syllables.
"Jake," Bella sighed.
"Bella, hey!" He said cheerily. Then, when Bella didn't reply, anxiously, "Everything okay?"
"I got fired," Bella blurted. Her stupid eyes were already watering, she scrubbed at them with the hand not clutching the phone.
"What?!"
"Yea," she choked.
"Did that Mike kid mess with you? I'll beat his ass, Bella, just say the word!"
Bella's panic wavered. She gave a wet chuckle. "No." She sniffed. "They just don't need me now that tourist season is over."
Jacob paused, "well, that's fine."
And it was, Bella realized. The fissures in her chest were stinging, but not reopening. The prospect of free time with nothing to fill it, was terrifying. But it would not break her if all the other stuff couldn't. She wiped her nose and said, "just not sure what I'll do now."
"Don't worry," Jacob said, "we'll figure something out."
The we made Bella's chest return to its usual, unremarkable ache. She sniffled again and blinked to clear her eyes. "Yea…how's the weather tomorrow.?"
"Perfect for bikes," Jacob said, and Bella could hear his smile.
Charlie's reaction to Bella's impending unemployment was midway between Jacob's nonchalance and Bella's meltdown. He asked for the details of the conversation, as if contemplating an unlawful termination lawsuit. But seemed to decide everything was above board. When he put down his utensils and leaned back in his chair, Bella sensed he was about to attempt a 'serious conversation'. She could have guessed the topic, because he brought it up at every opportunity. Feeling buoyed by her lack of regression into misery, Bella got ahead of the situation.
"I think I might look at classes at Peninsula College," she said.
"Oh," Charlie blustered, "really?"
Bella pushed her gnocchi around her plate. "Yea, it's past the cutoff for this semester, but I might be able to start in January. Maybe business or office management."
"Not English? I thought that was your plan?"
"Hmm." Bella shrugged to hide her flinch. "I think something practical would be better."
"That's very responsible," Charlie said. He didn't sound entirely happy about it.
Bella finished three-quarters of her dinner and cleaned the kitchen. The plans with Jacob the following day dampened the panicked boredom that usually came over her in the evenings. She followed Charlie into the living room, where his usual Saturday sports game flashed across the plasma screen. On the coffee table, there was a pile of magazines and newspapers, with a Peninsula College course catalog right on top.
The booklet had been sent to her in the mail over the summer. Addressed to Bella, as one of the highest-achieving students in her high school. She'd thrown it away, yet there it was. Charlie intentionally ignored her as she picked it up and sat on the couch under the lamp. The cover picture showed a diverse group of well-staged young people laughing on a bright green lawn: Fall 2006 Course Offerings. Bella flipped through the introduction. She read about their associate degree programs, 4-year university transfer programs, career-skills programs, multicultural student life programs, financial assistance programs. None of it particularly excited her, but Charlie squirmed in his seat with every page she turned.
She skipped right over the pages on Literature and Writing. The history classes were similarly ignored when she saw an elective class titled: American Society from 1865-1920 (Reconstruction, Mass Immigration, Industrialization, the Gilded Age, Edwardian culture, WWI, the Spanish Influenza, Jim Crow). Music, art, math, computer science, biology, chemistry, and foreign language received similar treatments. The business and economics offerings did not make Bella's chest ache, which she figured was the best she could realistically hope for.
When she'd read the entire magazine, excluding the unbearable pages, Bella closed it and tossed it back onto the coffee table.
"Well?" Charlie asked, before the paper even hit the surface.
Bella took a breath. "I'll look online for their next prospective student day, maybe go visit."
"Great!"
He was so happy just by the idea, it made Bella's stomach roil uncomfortably. "Um, I might just start part-time. So I could still live here and have a job."
Charlie nodded. "Sure, sure. You live here as long as you want, Bells."
She offered him a small smile, and he looked back to the TV, grinning under his mustache. The commitment to a plan in the future helped Bella achieve some sense of relaxation. She would not spiral again. Jacob and Charlie and school and whatever new job she found would keep her occupied. In the meantime, she would clear out the attic, sit around the shop while Jacob worked, try new recipes, fill the days however she had to.
A new nightmare came to Bella that night, though she did not remember it when she woke. She walked in a world of bright white emptiness, her hair and clothes soaking wet and freezing against her skin. Points of light shimmered in the distance, she covered her eyes. The little stars vanished, and massive trees began to rise from the ground. They were so tall, their canopies so thick, the white light was gone. The dream finally faded when Bella collapsed onto the familiar moss of the forest floor.
NOTES: Okay so, a year has passed, cause I didn't feel like completely rewriting the middle of New Moon. Basically, for Bella and Jacob, everything happens in their relationship as in canon, up to the point in New Moon after she finds out about the wolves. So, Edward hallucinations, bike riding, slow friendship turning to something deeper, etc. However, Laurent and Victoria have not (yet) made an appearance, so the wolfpack aren't being super active. Basically, the year passed as I guess it would have if Laurent and Victoria's presence hadn't taken up Jacob's time, driving Bella to jump off the cliff.
To everyone who's been leaving reviews, thank you so much! They really keep me motivated to keep dealing with this monster of a fic lol. I hope to see you back next week!