Summary: If a determined goddess can't hatch a plot for world domination while chilling in a heated pool, maybe that's why she was given the heated pool in the first place.
FGO: Tales from the Second Archive
An FGO Fanfic by
Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)
Chapter 4: Ride or Spa Chicks
Medusa had never minded the meetings, despite their often unpredictable outcomes, depending on the Servants involved and the current mood of their Master. She considered it the highest honor, to represent her fellow Riders in that way. Only two Servants of any class were allowed to attend under normal circumstances: a spokesperson and their second. The spokesperson's role was obvious, but the second could serve any purpose, from secretary to bodyguard, as needed. That Medusa had served as the Rider second from the team's creation was a sign of both her dependability, and their Master's often questionable luck: Team Rider had changed very little with time.
"And the last item on our agenda is for Team Rider," Mash announced, looking up from her clipboard. "Effective at the next reset, we'll be doubling the daily QP runs. Will that cause any issues?"
It was not Medusa's place to speak, so she didn't. Even so, she knew precisely what the Rider spokesperson would say, and completely agreed with it.
"No issues," Ushiwakamaru responded calmly. "We welcome the increased duties."
That was true enough for most of Team Rider, although Medusa could very clearly picture how a certain member would react to the news, and it would be far from favorable. Fortunately, taking information back to their respective teams was also among the spokesperson's duties. Meaning it was largely Ushiwakamaru's problem, instead of Medusa's. But they had been comrades long enough where Medusa felt it would be improper to abandon Ushiwakamaru, particularly during such an unpleasant task.
"That concludes today's meeting, then," Mash said. "Great work, everyone. Previous event team, please be sure to hand over any QP boosting Craft Essences to Team Rider on your way out."
The hand-off went fairly quickly and with few complications. There was a tense moment when Beowulf seemed reluctant to hand over his Craft Essence, which depicted Mash in a swimsuit, but some patience (and a whack on the arm from Mash's clipboard) convinced him to cooperate.
Their business done (for the moment), Medusa and Ushiwakamaru entered the large elevator, and breathed a shared sigh of relief.
"Scale of one to ten," Ushiwakamaru said, after she'd pressed the button marked "R" on the elevator's main panel. "How mad do you think she'll be about the new orders?"
"With ten being the highest?" Medusa asked. "Fifty-seven."
"You're not funny at all, you know that?"
"I never claimed to be."
"That's true."
Once the elevator came to a full stop, the doors slid open. Ushiwakamaru exited first, and immediately began shedding her clothing. Medusa did the same, thankful there were no security cameras in the building. Even so, she made sure to wave at the single window, and was almost positive she saw the enormous Mecha Elly-chan outside wave back. Or possibly it was only readjusting its aim for a missile launch, it was hard to be certain.
The next room was less a room, and more a giant steam room with a heated pool that had overtaken the rest of the assigned floor. Various Riders were relaxing in various states of undress with various umbrella drinks. The only real exception was the sole animal present: a small, black, pig-shaped creature that was dog-paddling through the steamy water. Someone had provided it with a golden collar that declared the creature's name to be "Gu-chan". Medusa had never called it that, and so most likely wouldn't be blamed for the offense, if there was any, and she was almost certain there would be, when the collar was finally noticed.
Ushiwakamaru entered the water right away, but Medusa found an empty beach chair to sit on, and tried very hard not to be noticed. It worked for all of three seconds, and then a shadow fell over her.
"Medusa-chan, surely you're not going to sit there without taking a soak?"
Medusa stared up at the imposing form of Anne Bonny, who was both naked and smiling.
"I was looking for a towel," Medusa lied, only to have Anne drop a fresh one in her lap.
"No more excuses. Even Mary decided to go for a swim."
Sure enough, Mary Read was doing laps in the pool, with "Gu-chan" keeping pace beside her.
It was not exactly a rule that everyone had to get in the pool upon arrival, but it was a firm suggestion all the same, and really, there was little else to do in such a room. So Medusa slid into the water, and was soon followed by Anne.
Ushiwakamaru had made her way to the far end of the pool, where Marie Antoinette was seated next to Ishtar. Both were only dipping their legs in the water, because Ishtar had a complex about anyone being more comfortable than her while they held a conversation. Otherwise, Marie would certainly have been in the pool already.
"How did the meeting go, Ushi-chan?" Marie asked.
Ushiwakamaru glanced hesitantly at Ishtar. "Master wants to double the daily QP runs."
Marie only blinked.
Ishtar nearly spilled her umbrella drink into the pool. "WHAT!" she squawked.
"Gu-chan" immediately swam away from Mary, who had come to abrupt stop, and made its way over to Ishtar. Indeed, all the Riders seemed slightly on edge now, either in response to Ishtar's mood, or simply not wanting to get caught up in it.
"He can't do that!" Ishtar cried. "That's more work for me! That's less time for me to... relax!"
"Ishtar-sama, it won't be so bad. We only do one run per day as it is. Two will hardly-"
"And who do you think is going to be leading all of those runs, huh?!" Ishtar demanded angrily.
Everyone saw the wisdom in not mentioning that Ishtar had declared herself their goddess and leader upon arrival. They had been happily following Marie until then, who had less appointed herself and more gradually assumed the role when others suggested it. And it was hard not to like a leader who insisted on cake and weekly spa days for all Riders. So much so that even Ishtar had been happy to appoint Marie as her sub-commander, although the welcoming party and enormous jeweled cake that Marie had arranged probably had something to do with it.
"But, who else could we possibly follow into battle, Ishtar-sama?" Marie asked gently. "I certainly can't do it any longer. It has to be you."
"You're our Boss," Mary chimed in gravely as she stared at Ishtar. And Mary so rarely said anything, so she clearly meant it.
Ishtar flinched. "Well, that's all true. But still!"
"And, of course," Anne added knowingly, "if the actual QP totals were slightly... different from what we then reported to Mash, that's none of our business. Because you're our Boss, Ishtar-sama."
Ishtar frowned at her. "What exactly are you implying, Anne?"
"Did you think we didn't notice?" Marie reached down and lightly petted "Gu-chan", who neither encouraged nor discouraged the attention. "We never said anything, because it would only benefit all of us, for your goals to be realized. If that means being your accomplices, then we are all in agreement."
"You're our Boss," Mary repeated firmly.
Not a single Servant present mistook what it meant, when "Gu-chan" swam over to Mary and nuzzled against her hand. Only someone with unquestionable loyalty to Ishtar could provoke such a reaction.
"Sometimes we must sacrifice to gain the things we desire most," Medusa said softly.
Ishtar grimaced. How many times had she complained about Master's insistence on pairing her "twin" with Gilgamesh, simply because they were both powerful Archers? The absolute nerve to even suggest that would be acceptable... neither Ishtar could barely stand it. In fact, the only way Rider Ishtar had been pacified was a long soak in the pool. It was really Marie who loved bathing that much, but she had subtly, and personally, introduced Ishtar to the pleasures of massage. And on that subject...
"I'm sure that our increased duties will no doubt earn us increased spa privileges, Ishtar-sama," Marie mused aloud. "Perhaps we can even gain special permission for your 'twin' to join us occasionally. I suspect that would greatly reduce her stress levels, and give you two more chances to chat privately."
"Have you noticed that the Ishtars have been really chummy lately?" Mash asked. "They're always putting their heads together and whispering."
"I would think it's better for all of us that they get along," Shirou noted. "Their personalities can be extreme when displeased. Not to mention that coordination between the Archers and Riders has improved."
"True, but even the three Gilgamesh don't get along this well. And virtually all they do is compare treasure hoards. I don't know, it worries me, a little."
"Well, 'Gu-chan' hasn't gotten any bigger. Although I suspect it is personally keeping their spa heated at all hours of the day. Which, if true, is less a gross abuse of its divine power, and more the least violent thing I've ever seen it do. But if you're concerned, we can have the Berser-girls keep a closer eye on them. Chacha has been itching to try out their spa, and no one would question why she was there."
Mash nodded. "Do it. I don't like being suspicious of our teammates, but given their history, I'd rather be prepared."
Ishtar's current source of annoyance was Chacha, who was floating peacefully in the pool on a bright red inner tube, snoring softly, and with an empty umbrella drink glass hanging limply from her hand. And the only reason Ishtar did not scream at her to wake up and leave? "Gu-chan" was snuggled comfortably next to Chacha, indicating that no matter how much a disturbance Chacha was, she was at least firmly loyal to Ishtar... but only because that gave her unrestricted access to the pool.
"She's really the best spy the Berserkers could come up with?" Ishtar demanded heatedly.
Marie shrugged. "You have to admit that she was both obvious, and, all things considered, presented the smallest amount of disturbance to our routine. And before you disagree, I would remind you that they could have sent someone who actively tried to get in our way, rather than someone who indirectly does it. At least Chacha is asleep so much from pigging out that she only gets in our way the few hours in which she's awake."
"But now she's taking up valuable pool space!"
"Is that what's really bothering you, Ishtar-sama? Or do you simply not like that she was sent, rather than being recruited by you?"
Ishtar blushed. "What? No, that's silly!"
"I see." Marie smiled. "Well, you seem tense. Why don't I give you a massage? Anne and Mary got their hands on some new oils that I think you'll like."
Ishtar seemed willing, but smirked. "You mean they stole them."
Marie looked shocked. "Of course not! Anne and Mary are lovely girls! I'm sure they came across an opportune sale, is all."
Ishtar rolled her eyes. "Because pirates do that often, I'm sure."
Next Chapter: Boil the Lance-r
An unfortunate Lancer struggles with self-worth after being outranked.
Endnotes:
Apologies to Alexander, a male Rider who helped out immensely when I was starting out, but now I tend to overlook him.
Servant Spotlight!
Name: Marie Antoinette
Nicknames: Mid-Boss Marie, Rider Queen
Class: Swimsuits (sub-commander of Team Rider)
Equipment:
Crown: A sign of obvious royalty. Gives a slight boost in Charisma.
Bathing Suit: An enhancer of obvious beauty. Reduces Endurance slightly. But only in others.
Class Skills:
Follow Me to the Cake: B
Has a knack for obtaining delicious sweets. Inspires loyalty in others.
Personal Skills:
Squeaky Clean: A
Always smells of soap. Combined with her overall soothing, cheerful presence, she can either be an excellent companion, or impossible to argue effectively with.
Noble Phantasm:
Spa Day: C
Contrary to popular belief, the owner of the spa-containing Reality Marble is not "Gu-chan", but instead Marie. She firmly believes that frequent spa trips promote wellness, so living in one is best of all. However, the storm creation ability of "Gu-chan" does provide constant energy, thus greatly reducing the burden on Marie.
Preferences:
Favorite Servant: Rider Ishtar.
Least Favorite Servant: Anyone who does not like bathing.
Partner in Crime: Anne Bonny and Mary Read, her personal bodyguards.
Hobbies: Bathing, eating cake, making friends, giving massages.
Personal Quote: Let them eat cake. But not directly before swimming.
Name: Anne Bonny and Mary Read
Nicknames: Maryanne, Rum Riders, Marie's Heavies
Class: Swimsuits (self-declared personal bodyguards for Marie Antoinette)
Equipment:
Bare Hands: They aren't allowed weapons during downtime. Not that they need any.
Booty: Of the spilling out of chests variety. Though with Anne's figure and style of dress, that could be confusing.
Class Skills:
Ride or Die: B+
They don't normally kill, but only because hiding bodies takes longer on land.
Personal Skills:
Twenty-Finger Discount: A
Even if it's nailed down, it's still fair game.
She's the Boss: A
When paired with a worthy commander, their Strength and Endurance is greatly boosted.
Noble Phantasm:
A Pirate's Life for Us: A++
They fight. They drink. They fight. They steal. They fight. And then they fight some more, only dirtier. Even some Berserkers would hesitate to fight them, because crazy doesn't mean stupid.
Preferences:
Favorite Servant: Marie Antoinette, she has complete faith in them.
Least Favorite Servant: Anyone who upsets Rider Ishtar.
Partner in Crime: Each other.
Hobbies: Stealing, fighting, drinking, swimming.
Personal Quote: All hail Ishtar-sama! She's our Boss.