Chapter Summary: MHXX isn't happy about being stuck with the other Extras... until she learns about their side hustle.
FGO: Tales from the Second Archive
An FGO Fanfic by
Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)
Chapter 6: Extra Friends, with Benefits
"And this is where you'll be staying, XX-san!" Arturia Lily said as she opened the apartment door.
For her part, Mysterious Heroine XX had no complaints. She was honestly more concerned about the food than the furnishings, but the accommodations seemed fine. More importantly, Arturia Lily seemed to be permanently stuck at Level 50, which meant that XX would not have to kill her.
Today, anyway.
"So this is Team Foreigner's crash pad?" XX asked.
"Um, not exactly. There is no Team Foreigner right now. You're the only Foreigner, so in the interest of saving space, you've been grouped with the rest of the Extra classes."
XX frowned. "You mean I have to share with a bunch-"
"Oh, it's not a bunch. There's only Amakusa and Salieri here. Avenger of Shinjuku prefers to live outdoors, and Mash doesn't sleep, so you really only have two roommates. And Amakusa doesn't spend much time here at all."
"Being the only Ruler around here must keep him busy."
"Actually, he hasn't been in demand lately. It must be that new job taking up all of his time."
XX's eyes lit up. "Really? You think he might need any help?"
"You'd have to ask him. But, if you're looking for work, I could really use a trainer-"
"No can do," XX replied at once. "You couldn't afford my price. If you got any stronger, then you'd have to pay... with your LIFE."
Arturia Lily frowned. "What if I wanted to be your apprentice?"
"What sense would that make? Then I'd have to pay for me and you to eat. I'm trying to make money so I can buy food, not spend it on another mouth."
"Then... what if I cooked for you?"
XX blinked. "Can you cook, though?"
"I can learn!" Arturia Lily said, blushing.
"And while you learn, I'll have to eat your failed experiments? I'll pass. But if you really want a favor from me, let me know if any super strong Sabers show up."
One week later, Arturia Lily found herself sitting in the parking lot, waiting for the Extra roommates to return from their latest job. It was well after midnight, and her only even semi-constant companion was Avenger of Shinjuku, who occasionally wandered out of the darkness, but only long enough for her to throw him some doggie treats.
Soon enough, a cherry red sports car zoomed into the parking lot, spinning recklessly, and came to an abrupt stop inches away from Arturia Lily. She noticed that the car was stretched rather rudely across three parking spots, and saw with dismay that the occupants were indeed the Extra roommates. Also, they were laughing loudly, and certainly disturbing the peace of the late hour.
Shirou emerged from the driver's seat, noticed Arturia Lily frowning at him, and smiled.
For her part, Arturia Lily suddenly became uncomfortable. She knew very well that Shirou had no charm skills. Not officially, anyway. And yet, any time she was near him, she doubted very much that that was true.
Antonio Salieri got out of the car next. He, Arturia Lily felt, was exactly what an Avenger should be: appropriately creepy ninety percent of the time, with occasional moments of politeness. Also, he could play almost any song on demand with his violin, despite whether he'd ever heard it or not. He gave her a brief nod and hurried inside, no doubt to lock himself in his room until his next shift.
And last, XX climbed out of the car, a big smile plastered across her face. And plastered was indeed the best word, because Arturia Lily could tell at once, by the unsteady steps and unnatural redness in the cheeks: XX was very drunk.
"Heeeeey, Lily-chan!" XX positively shouted, draping an arm around Arturia Lily. "How you been, kid?!"
"I could ask you the same, XX-san. How are you able to work if you're this drunk?"
"Actually, it makes the work a lot easier. My last guy was a total uggo."
Arturia Lily blinked. "I don't understand you."
"The fascinating world of compensated dating has both highs, and lows," Shirou said knowingly.
XX nodded in agreement and fist-bumped him. "Preach, brother."
Arturia Lily stared at them. She was not entirely sure what compensated dating was. For some reason, among all the modern knowledge that had been downloaded into her brain upon summoning, that topic had been left out. But if one felt the need to be drunk while doing it, then surely it was not an enjoyable activity by itself. On the other hand, Shirou either was not visibly drunk, or held his liquor fantastically well.
Which indicated that the problem might not be compensated dating, so much as XX's approach to it.
In any case, Arturia Lily could tell that XX's standards, whatever they were now, had clearly been lowered. This greatly concerned Arturia Lily. But she was, at the end of the day, an Arturia, and her Instinct was screaming at her to pounce on this incredibly opportune moment.
"How does this... compensated dating work, exactly?" Arturia Lily asked.
"Oh, are you looking for work, too?" Shirou asked, his eyes shining. "I think you might be very popular-"
"I need to understand what it is, first," Arturia Lily interrupted.
"Some people tire of going out and searching for a suitable person to spend their time with. So, we offer services, and ourselves, to eliminate the hassle. For an amount agreed upon in advance, we spend time with our customers."
Arturia Lily blinked. "That's it? It sounds simple enough."
"Different customers want different things. How successful you are depends on various factors: pricing, availability, maximizing your attractiveness, and how far you are willing to go to provide satisfaction for yourself and the customer."
"But you make plenty of money doing this?" Arturia Lily asked for confirmation.
Shirou nodded. "Yes, but I have been doing this for some time, so I have built up both a reputation, and a solid fanbase. Such things take time. Having said that, however, XX seems to be doing remarkably well, for having only just started out. She's in a great deal of demand already."
Arturia Lily frowned. "So... XX-san, if I wanted you to spend time with me, it would be pretty expensive, huh?" she asked sadly.
XX burped. "Depends on what you want from me. Since I like you, I'm willing to negotiate on price. Still trying to master cooking?"
Arturia Lily blushed, a sure sign of what her current success rate with cooking was. "Um... what if I could manage to get you huge quantities of food?"
XX paused. "When you say huge-"
"Bunyan-sized."
"I'm yours, kid!"
It took a little effort, but Arturia Lily mastered the complexity of compensated dating even faster than XX did.
Sort of.
Through some trial and error, she discovered that if Paul Bunyan stood very still, while holding a plate with a single stack of four pancakes drizzled in maple syrup, the plate and its contents would increase in size as Bunyan did. The only real issue was that Bunyan would complain, loudly, about the lack of butter, and even then, getting her to part with any of the food was tricky. Unfortunately, something about the inclusion of butter threw off the entire scheme, and the pancakes stayed the same size, so buttery flavor either had to be sacrificed entirely, or added after the pancakes were already huge. And really, the difficulty of trying to get any amount of butter on top of a mountain-sized stack of pancakes, even with Bunyan's assistance, was extreme for some reason. So it was better not to bother (for everyone except Bunyan, anyway).
The more important thing was that XX did not tire of pancakes for pay, considering that a Bunyan-sized bite would last even her for a week.
In the end, both Arturia Lily and XX got what they wanted.
Arturia Lily got her desired trainer, although XX insisted on still calling it compensated dating, and kept a close eye on Lily's level, which stayed stuck at 50 despite all the training. But Arturia Lily did get much better at using the skills she did have, so she had no complaints.
XX got so much food (pancakes, exclusively) that she never needed to look for another client. It was true that she wasn't earning money anymore. But, as she understood it, the apartment rent was provided indirectly by Servants, as it was automatically deducted from battle winnings. Team Rider specifically went on daily runs to keep QP steadily flowing in.
The only real hiccup occurred when Arturia Lily mysteriously developed an unheard of skill called "Giant Tamer", which apparently gave her the right to command overly large Servants. Lily felt this was inaccurate: it took a great deal of coaxing from her to get Bunyan to do anything. Worst of all, XX demanded that Lily stay away from Bunyan, or she would have no choice but to consider Lily a Threat to Humanity. This, admittedly, seemed fair, as when Bunyan was unsatisfied, she openly talked about totally leveling any land that she laid her eyes on, whether it was occupied or not. And in this usage, "leveling" surely meant the opposite of growth, if the telling malicious gleam in Bunyan's eyes was any indicator.
Next Chapter: Boss Jeanne
Beowulf is a little too happy to have found a replacement in Jeanne Alter. She doesn't figure out why until it's too late.
Endnotes:
Arturia Lily's "stuck at 50" issue is meant to reflect that being the point when I realized... she wasn't shaping up too well, not for the way I use Sabers, anyway.
I still only have the one Foreigner. By comparison, I've since added another Alter Ego and Avenger. So Foreigner is the second rarest Class for me, after MoonCancer, of which I have none. Though, I haven't really gotten to a point where I especially needed either one (outside of supports), so there's that.
Servant Spotlight!
Name: Arturia Pendragon (Lily)
Nicknames: A Lily, Lily
Class: Slashers (official mascot of Team Saber)
Equipment:
Hostess Smile: By far the friendliest Saber, and the one sent to make good impressions.
Caliburn: For the rare occasions when the Hostess Smile fails.
Class Skills:
Prince of Knights: A
Already her Charisma is such that she gains followers (fans is more accurate) without realizing.
Personal Skills:
Giant Tamer: B
The ability to command overly large Servants, in theory.
Noble Phantasm:
Growing Threat to Humanity: EX
Anyone who can control Paul Bunyan even some of the time surely deserves this. Anyone who cannot effectively control Paul Bunyan, yet relies on her, deserves this even more.
Preferences:
Favorite Servant: Mysterious Heroine XX, her idol.
Least Favorite Servant: Those who encourage drunkenness. And whatever uggos are.
Partner in Crime: Paul Bunyan.
Hobbies: Training, figuring out effective ways to transport butter, taming giants.
Personal Quote: Do I need to be good at cooking to figure out this butter issue...?
Name: Paul Bunyan
Nicknames: Bunyan
Class: Giant (official landmark of the apartment complex, member of the Berser-girls)
Equipment:
Axe: For lumberjacking. And murder.
Chainsaw: See above.
Babe the Blue Ox: For bludgeoning, riding, and you know what else.
Class Skills:
Sorry About Your House: A++
Don't put it so close to my feet next time.
Personal Skills:
Lumberjack Secret Handshake: A++
A single swat, known to OHKO most Servants.
Noble Phantasm:
Total Devastation: EX
When Bunyan wants to level, things get leveled, completely.
Preferences:
Favorite Servant: Giant Mecha Eli-chan Mk II, the only one she can wrestle properly with.
Least Favorite Servant: Rider Ishtar, nobody's ox is cuter than Babe!
Partner in Crime: Babe.
Hobbies: Sparring, leveling, eating, taking Babe for walks, napping with Babe.
Personal Quote: Why no butter?! No fair!