Notes: Had some free time, since I've done this summer event before and mostly got what I need from it.

FGO: Tales from the Second Archive
An FGO Fanfic by
Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)
Chapter 12: Death By Any Other Name

"So how is the new roommate treating you?" Shirou asked the following day as he and Mash prepared the Conference Room for the next general meeting.

"Not bad," Mash admitted. "We only needed to set some boundaries. We're even talking about her hosting some art classes for the younger Servants on the weekends. Any trouble from the Argoknots?"

"No. Pollux was very agreeable, and Babe will purely be an outside Servant, so not too big a change for him or Bunyan. In fact, Bunyan has already developed some resistance to Divinity from all the sneezes, which... while sort of terrifying, means she and Babe don't need to be separated. There is one issue I'm worried about, though. Pollux admitted to giving Divinity to Babe."

Mash paused. "That's strange, because BB called me last night and admitted she gave Divinity to Babe."

Shirou sighed. "Funny, because Mark II later showed me some footage of Flo giving Babe a rather questionable shot of a severely glowing liquid."

"You... don't think they all gave him Divinity, without realizing someone else had the same idea?"

"In all cases but one. I'm certain BB knew exactly what she and everyone else was doing."

Mash shook her head. "We're lucky this didn't get more out of hand."

"I agree. So, was Bradamante helpful to you at all?" Shirou tried very hard not to seem too anxious.

"Oh, yes. There weren't any incidents that required her power, but she had a suggestion about keeping tabs on Heavenly Hosting, since Mark II is proving... selective about when she decides to tell us things."

"Really? What suggestion?"

Mash smiled. "Nothing too disruptive... but disruptive enough to keep them decent."

"Ishtar-sama! Play with meeee!"

Rider Ishtar winced as Astolfo plopped down on her beach chair and flung his arms around her neck. "H-Hey you, I let you in because you're a Rider, but all this touchy-feely stuff is really pushing it! You're still a guy and we all know it, no matter how adorable you are in your swimsuit!"

Astolfo pouted cutely. "But I only want to play with you. What's so wrong with that?"

"Nothing, but I'm busy right now, and-"

"Come now, Ishtar-sama," Marie interrupted with a smile as she produced a beach ball. "Astolfo has the right idea. You should take time to thoroughly relax."

Ishtar scowled. "Marie, we relax more than we work as it is. In fact, that's probably why we got our butts handed to us!"

Astolfo shook his head. "That's because those meanie Sakurafaces are monsters. It wasn't your fault, Ishtar-sama! You're a great Boss, and you deserve to relax!"

"Anyway, poor Gu-chan still hasn't fully recovered yet," Marie added. "We have to take his needs into consideration."

At the moment, Gu-chan was sleeping next to Ishtar's chair. He did not seem injured, but it was unusual enough to see him asleep at all.

"I guess one more day of rest wouldn't hurt," Ishtar sighed. "But! Tomorrow, we're grinding and I won't hear a word against it!" She stuck her finger in Astolfo's face. "And you are definitely going to pull your weight, so don't even try to wiggle out of it!"

Astolfo beamed. "Of course, Boss! Leave everything to me! But for now, we play!" He gave Ishtar a big hug, and before she could decide whether to be deeply touched or offended, he lurched backwards and dumped them both headfirst into the pool with a huge splash.

"You realize, of course, that Bradamante sent him here to spy on us?" Medusa asked as she walked up to Marie.

Marie nodded. "Yes, but he's been great for morale, and we have been excluding the male Riders. Increasing our numbers couldn't hurt, and I doubt he'll learn anything that Mark II doesn't already know. Turning him away would only increase the suspicion about us, when the Sakuraface Society are the ones that should truly be under investigation."

"Then can we consider this day to be a win for us?" Shirou asked.

Mash frowned. "It's certainly not a loss, but I'm more concerned about tomorrow. We're going to review all these clubs with Clytie. I'm not sure what to make of her judgment yet, so we really have no idea what we're walking into, save for the few we learned of today."

"The apartment complex is still standing, there's been no real damage outside of the norm save for the Babe incidents, and there are actually fewer injuries than is standard for us, according to Flo. Maybe these clubs are having a positive influence."

"Or we've added so many dangerous Servants that the rest are too scared to start fights."

Shirou laughed. "Come on, Mash. I know you're concerned about the Sakurafaces, but I think they truly do want to be left alone. And I have no plans to barge in on them unless I have to."

"It's not that. You mentioned Hassans Unlimited. I know Jack keeps them all in line, but that's what's bothering me. They do whatever Jack says as it is. If Jack said to be social, they would be, however awkwardly. They don't need a club. So why do they have one? What benefit is there for them?"

At that moment, the elevator dinged. Mash and Shirou turned to greet the first arrivals, and froze in horror.

Jack was the first off the elevator, followed by a new female companion. "Mash, Shirou! Great news! I found a new second for the Assassins!"

"You found... but she's not an Assassin!" Shirou shouted.

"No, she definitely is," Jack disagreed. "I asked all the Hassans, and they said she definitely knows enough about death to be one of us."

"And what did Osakabehime say?"

"Nothing. She sort of shrieked and hid in her room. But she didn't say no!"

Shirou looked to Mash for help. "She's not an official Assassin. She can't be their second. Right?" He was clearly hinting with his eyes that she should agree with him, but Mash ignored this.

"Jack is the Assassin Boss. With that sort of approval, I don't see how we can refuse." Mash paused, then added, "And if it's a matter of qualifications... well, it isn't. I'm not sure what we could even do if we disagreed."

"Why would you disagree at all?" Clytie asked as she stepped out of the elevator. "I think she's a great addition to Team Assassin! She's already proven to be an excellent treasurer! They're bringing in more QP than Team Rider!"

"You knew about this?!" Shirou demanded.

"Sure, I knew! I approved them for cult status days ago."

"CULT STATUS?!"

Clytie nodded, unconcerned. "The more they described what they wanted to do, I realized they didn't fit the specific definition of a social club. But, they're a perfect fit for a cult instead! So, I gave them approval to officially form on that basis!"

"You are the Club Boss!" Shirou hissed. "Club! As in not a cult!"

"Shirou, the Hassans by themselves are a cult, and you've never had an issue with them. Maybe you forgot because their nature is so closely associated with being Assassins. And really, that all these Servants were able to come together, despite their individual views on death, is the very type of unity that the social clubs were intended to promote."

"She's not wrong," Mash admitted.

Shirou glared at her. "Nor is she completely right."

"Pretty sure I am," Clytie disagreed. "The only two relevant Bosses that need to be convinced on this matter, already are: myself and Jack. There is no issue. But if you feel so strongly, why not put it to a majority vote? Let the other Bosses weigh in."

"So that's the issue we're voting on," Mash concluded. "Now, we'll go around the room and have each Class cast their vote. First, the Sabers."

"Sabers vote no," Arturia Alter replied immediately.

"Archers vote no," Ishtar added.

"Lancers vote yes," Enkidu said, earning a glare from Ishtar.

Mash blinked. "Two for no, one for yes. I already know the answer, but Assassins?"

Jack was currently seated in the lap of his female companion and playing with a crochet doll. "We say yes!"

"Riders say no," Rider Ishtar grumbled.

"Three for no, two for yes," Mash said. "Casters?"

After a long pause, Gilgamesh spoke. "Casters vote no."

"Berserkers vote yes," Jeanne stated.

Mash frowned. "Four no votes, three yes votes. Next up are the Extras."

Clytie smiled. "Extras vote yes."

"So a tie?" Rider Ishtar demanded.

"Not necessarily," Clytie disagreed. "Mash and Shirou each get a vote as our caretakers."

"I vote no," Shirou said at once.

"I vote yes," Mash murmured.

"Then it's a tie-"

"No, it isn't," BB interrupted from her spot behind Clytie. "Master hasn't voted yet."

Rider Ishtar stared at her in suspicion. "Master doesn't vote. Mash and Shirou give us his orders."

"He never actually said he wouldn't vote," Shirou admitted. "And he even insisted that all the actual Bosses show up this time, so it's hard to imagine that he wouldn't vote."

At that moment, there was a soft beep. Mash glanced down at her phone, smirked, and showed it to Shirou. "Master votes yes. That's-"

"I know what it is. Yes votes win. As such..." Shirou grimaced. "Kiara Sessyoin is the new second of Team Assassin. Despite being a MoonCancer."

"Okaa-san, we won!" Jack cheered, clinging to Kiara's arm.

"Yes, we did," Kiara agreed with a small smile, petting Jack's head.

After the meeting ended, most of the Servants stayed behind to welcome Kiara. They had to do this from a safe distance, as Jack seemed to not want anyone to touch Kiara. She explained this away as Jack being jealous. But it was notable that Jack had never been so overprotective of anyone before.

Shirou made a point to go straight to the Assassin floor, to check on Osakabehime. It wasn't too likely that she had been harmed, and she was probably only sulking in her room, but he needed to be sure.

Mash stayed behind after the meeting, because she was doubly amazed that BB had both shown up and agreed to be Clytie's second. If anything, Mash had expected BB to either never leave her room, or to force her way into the Extra Boss role. As it turned out, Clytie had personally asked BB to attend as a show of force. Apparently BB truly had no interest in either role, and Clytie would have to find a more permanent solution. Being Club Boss kept her far too busy, and she also had no desire to be Extra Boss. This worried Mash, because technically Kiara could still make a power grab for the spot. And with the Assassins already under her thumb, that could mean nothing good. But Clytie was willing to stay on as Extra Boss until a suitable replacement was found.

"You realize that the issue isn't that we don't have suitable Servants for the jobs," BB pointed out. "It's that all of them are already working for the Royal Uruk Conglomerate."

Mash shrugged. "That can't really be avoided. Either they get first dibs, or Master is sending them the stronger Servants for the sake of security."

BB scoffed. "We don't need more security at this point. Each Class is capable of policing itself, and if things ever do get out of hand, the girls and I wouldn't mind crushing any conflicts for you. It's the least we can do for all the privacy Master is giving us."

Mash could not deny that it sounded like a great deal... if not for the fact that BB was not really trustworthy. BB probably wouldn't lie, but she probably wouldn't stop at simply crushing conflicts, either. And might even cause a few simply so she would be called in to crush them. But because of that, the very sight of her would likely serve as an effective deterrent.

"I'll seriously consider your offer," was the only thing Mash felt comfortable saying.

"You don't exactly have a choice, Mash," BB added, allowing the slightest bit of aggression to leak into her voice. "I can either be your solution, or..."

"The problem that then requires you, the solution, to be in demand?" Mash guessed warily.

"See, I knew we could understand each other!" BB said happily. "I'll go ahead and let the girls know about our arrangement."

"And you really don't have a problem with anyone else being the Extra Boss?" Mash asked.

BB shrugged. "So long as it's not that oh so proper goddess wearing our face, no. But that wouldn't happen, anyway."

"I would support Parvati in that role before I would Kiara."

BB chuckled softly. "That you actually think she would be able to get past both myself and Kiara to claim that role is... cute. Don't ever change, Mash."

It took some time to gain access to Osakabehime. She wouldn't open her door (also she had barricaded it, so Shirou's key, while it did work, wasn't too useful). Not until Shirou bribed her with a family-sized bag of tortilla chips, and a can of cheese dip as big as her head. And even then, she refused to come out, and would only open the door enough for him to barely squeeze through.

Once inside, he got the full story, which was more or less what he'd expected: Kiara now had total control over Team Assassin via Jack, who was completely devoted to her. So far, this had only resulted in the formation of Hassans Unlimited, and Kiara's promotion to second. Technically, Osakabehime had not so much been demoted as she'd stepped down (or refused to come out of her room, anyway). No one had applied any pressure at all, though she argued that just looking at Kiara in that swimsuit was pressure enough.

Shirou offered to help her escape to safety, but Osakabehime did not believe that Kiara was a threat to Assassins. Or more precisely, she did not think Kiara's goal was to kill anyone in the traditional sense.

"It's far more likely she'd kill us, revive us, rinse, and repeat."

Shirou stared at her. "And you're okay with that, because?"

Osakabehime shrugged. "If I have to die, at least it won't be for long. I suspect she'll like us more, once we've died by her hands a few times."

Shirou narrowed his eyes. "She hasn't killed you already, has she?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you're avoiding answering the question?"

Osakabehime looked away. "You're imagining things."

"I don't think so." Shirou whipped out a cross and held it in front of her face.

She stared at it blankly. "I'm not a vampire. What do you think that's going to do?"

"I had to check." He put the cross away. "So you won't let me help you?"

"There's nothing to help, Shirou. I appreciate the offer, but this is how things are now. They could be worse."

"How, exactly?"

"You could be stuck with a third Ishtar."

Shirou froze. "That's a very specific threat."

"Is it?"

"What do you know?!" Shirou demanded.

"Exactly what I said. If I have to choose between Kiara killing me occasionally, or an Ishtar lording over me all the time... I am an Assassin, at the end of the day. And Kiara has no interest in stealing my snacks. I can't say the same for those rotten Ishtars."

"The Ishtars are making their move," Mark II reported to Mash two minutes later.

"You mean you're finally ready to reveal what they-?"

"No, I mean they moved the entire Rider floor outside of the building. A crafty bit of magic, considering they used no Casters to do it."

"So where is it now?"

"According to my readings... about fifty stories up. If the apartment complex extended that far. Which it doesn't. I assume they really wanted privacy."

"So you're not even going to observe them?" Mash asked.

Mark II almost looked insulted. "I didn't say that. Voyager's got eyes on them as we speak."

Team Rider thought they had understood, at least vaguely, what Rider Ishtar had been planning for. But either they had been wrong all along, or the current event was firmly outside of her plan.

She did not seem surprised by the spaceship, at least, so that was a small comfort.

The new Ishtar did not look happy. Or angry. Or anything, really. She was very hard to read. And Ishtars were usually overly expressive.

She said only four words. "We need to talk."

But it was the way she said it that stood out. It wasn't a request.

And from the way that Rider Ishtar sank slowly into the provided chair, there was no question which Ishtar was in charge now.

Mash was not going to bed, since she didn't sleep. But she was seated in her comfy armchair when Clytie burst into the room unexpectedly.

"Great news, Mash! I've found a solution to our club issue!"

Mash frowned at Clytie, who was beaming at her. "The way I remember it, the only issues involving clubs were that Shirou and I had no idea how many existed, what they were about, that you were the only one who could change that, and yet hadn't. And you promised that would change tomorrow."

"Even better, now! I've already fixed it!"

"Unless you're about to hand me a list of all clubs-"

"No, this is much better!" Clytie interrupted. "I'm not the Club Boss anymore!"

"How does that help at all?!" Mash demanded. "You were the only one giving the whole thing even a semblance of order!"

"Right! And since I was acting as both Club Boss and Extra Boss, that was a clear conflict! So I decided to form a Club Council! Now there are three of us to organize the clubs, so that's better now!"

Mash stared. "The more pressing issue, to me, was that we need an Extra Boss. Which you said you didn't want to be for long. So why weren't you looking for someone to fill that role?"

"I was, but they weren't interested. They were very interested in the clubs, though. There was a lot of paperwork to go through, so I offered to let them stay overnight-"

"Temporarily, I hope."

Clytie laughed, which Mash found suspicious. "They said the atmosphere was really good for inspiration-"

Mash immediately stood up, moved past Clytie, and stuck her head into the hallway.

The area was even more smeared with paint than it had been before. Worse, there were now two additional artists, in the forms of Leonardo Da Vinci, and (Mash did a double take to be certain) a second Katsushika. Both were busy smearing paint across the nearest wall in a haphazard pattern.

Mash slowly turned to Clytie. "If I am going to live in this mess, I have a new condition. Which is really the same as the old condition: keep the mess out of my room. And tomorrow, someone is going to provide me with a list of all clubs."

"Sounds great!" Clytie agreed. "Can I introduce you?"

"Maybe later. For now, I'm going to wish I slept, and try not to pass out from the paint fumes."

Continued in Chapter 13: Cat Friends, with Clubs

While dealing with the club roster, Mash learns that she is the target of a revenge plot by Da Vinci. The plot is to turn her into a crazy cat lady. But the cats aren't exactly cats, and end up being extremely useful instead.

Servant Spotlight!

Name: BB
Nicknames: Big Bully (not to be confused with Babe or Gu-chan)
Class: Extra Bossy (acting Extra mid-Boss, leader of the Sakurafaces)

Personal Skills:
Servant Servitude: A
She does not have the right to command other Servants... but whether she smooth talks, threatens, or forces them into submission, it generally works out that way.

Authorized Personnel Only: A+
Special permission from Master to limit access to the Sakurafaces, the only exceptions being Shirou and Mash.

Noble Phantasm:
IM-DA-BOSS-dot-exe: EX

She is not The Boss. Is what should be true. But perception is rarely reality when dealing with her. Computers have a tendency to favor her, but there is never any proof of her manipulation of them. And even when she admits it, she still tends to not get punished.

Preferences:
Favorite Servant: Herself.
Least Favorite Servant: Parvati.
Partner in Crime: The Sakurafaces (most of them).
Hobbies: Tea, plotting, cackling, basking in the delicious misery of others.
Personal Quote: I want to be left alone. Until I say different. At which point you do what I say.

Servant Club Spotlight!

Hassans Unlimited - Fresh Perspectives On An Ancient Concept
Officers: Jack the Ripper (Leader), Kiara Sessyouin (Treasurer), Hassan of the Serenity (Ad Girl)
Goals: World peace, fun snack times, and a knife in any back that requires it.
Notes: Extremely devoted, very organized, always clean up after themselves. Donated a gallon of red paint to the club storage room. Mash claims it is NOT paint...

Argoknots - Stylish Servants and Decorations for All Occasions
Officers: Medea (Leader), Pollux (Outreach Officer), Atalanta (Snacks Supervisor)
Goals: Arts and crafts, female empowerment, encouraging general club growth.
Notes: Men are allowed, within reason. Meaning they must be reasonable (no Berserkers). And no Jasons, ever.