A/N: For those that don't know, okaa-san is basically saying mom in Japanese. I've seen it used a bunch but I did some light googling on it anyways. It's usually shortened to kaa-san, and there are other variations.

Chapter Sixteen: A Special Delivery

2015 – Summer

They were going to miss her birthday.

Which was fine, it wasn't a big deal, twenty-five wasn't a big deal. It was just a birthday. Celebrating birthdays had always been more Ichiro's thing, not hers.

She couldn't remember spending a birthday alone.

Even when she had run away, she'd spent her birthday with Kazumi. He might be one of the worst things that happened to her (because really, he had been a doorway for even worse things) but the thing about men like Kazumi, is they know exactly when to be kind. Maybe the next day they were screaming and fighting, maybe a week later he was fucking some other girl on the couch, and maybe she was too high to even care about it when he did. But on her birthday, he'd bought a cake and dinner from her favorite place. He'd even given her a gift.

Natsumi would rather spend every birthday alone for the rest of her life than ever go back to that.

It was fine that they weren't there for her birthday, and it wasn't like she would be completely alone. Sumiko wouldn't be there, but Tsumiki had called her and asked to see her. All she could feel in the pit of her stomach was guilt for the entire phone call, she hadn't seen or spoken to Megumi or Tsumiki in weeks. Usually, she was more on top of things and checked in on them more while Gojou was gone for long stretches. That was a bit difficult to do when she was avoiding them.

Natsumi had never really had anything to hide from them before (nothing recent at least) and occasionally running into Getou and asking him to save Sumiko's life was very different from sleeping with him. She hadn't laid eyes on them since before the night with Kazumi and had barely spoken to them since Getou. It was lucky that Sumiko and Gojou were busy, or they would probably have noticed too. They might have noticed already, seeing as Natsumi wasn't sending endless texts and leaving them voicemails about where they were. Part of her wanted to, she was worried, but she was afraid they would somehow know. That somehow they would hear in her voice that she had done something she shouldn't have.

Not that she'd seen or heard from Getou since.

However, she did hear from Mimiko a few days later, and she was surprised by how much she missed her. Natsumi had tried to apologize for putting her in the position she had but Mimiko had skipped right over it, eager to catch up. After months of not talking, she felt so out of the loop, but they talked like they never stopped. Mimiko was more than content to talk about music and books, and apparently, she'd become a big fan of Sailor Moon. Mimiko didn't talk about Getou and Natsumi didn't ask, the same as before.

Sometimes she thought she heard his voice in the background, but she hadn't actually heard from him. He had, in no way, reached out to her. Not that it bothered her (it did), it wasn't as if they had exchanged numbers (he hadn't asked). They hadn't made any plans before he'd left, and he did eventually have to leave. Which, she may have starved to death if he hadn't, so it was probably a good thing he left when he did.

For days after he left, she had been covered in marks, though she was pretty sure she'd left her own marks on him the way she'd clung to him. It had been the worst between her legs, where he had bitten and kissed the soft skin of her thighs while he teased her. They had spent most of the morning like that, his lips drifting close enough she could feel his breath and his fingers ghosting over her skin. He would never quite touch her where she needed him, not until she begged. She thought maybe he liked that, teasing her until she begged and then giving her what she wanted until she was crying his name.

Not that she was thinking about it, about him.

She definitely wasn't fanning her face because she was having a hot flash that had nothing to do with the summer air. The evidence of him touching her was long gone, and luckily, they weren't the only marks that had faded. The harsh bruises on her hip from Kazumi had healed as well, and it was like none of it ever happened.

Except she wasn't drinking and every time she remembered why she wasn't drinking she was reminded of Kazumi. When she thought about Kazumi, she thought about drugs and then she thought about Sumiko and then she thought about Gojou and then Getou and what she had done, and – It was a vicious fucking cycle.

Smoking a pack a day and spending her free time with Hana was the only way she was managing it. If ruining her lungs and becoming dependent on Hana could be called 'managing'. It was a damn good thing Hana liked sleepovers, even if she forced her to watch stupid medical dramas.

At least she was sober.

Barely.

She leaned her head back against the wall, standing in the alley beside her job next to the side door that was the employee entrance. It was usually where she stepped out to take smoke breaks, or at least it was when she had cigarettes. Smoking a pack a day meant she ran out more often, she should probably start buying them in bulk.

The door creaked as it opened, Ryou popping his head out between the crack in the door. "You're still here?"

"Waiting on Hana."

"Oh, right. Mitsuki said you two were hanging out more."

"Mitsuki should keep my name out of her mouth."

He rolled his eyes, a russet color only a little darker than his hair "Yeah, yeah. She says the same thing about you by the way."

Natsumi snorted. "I don't talk about her."

"Except for right now, when you're talking shit."

"You're the one who brought her up," she said. "What did you come out here for?"

"I came to bum a cigarette."

"Can't, out."

"Bullshit, you're never out."

"Except for when I am," she told him. "I thought you quit, anyways."

"I did but Mitsuki is flirting with her last table," he told her, stepping the rest of the way outside and joining her against the wall. Ryou shoved his hand through his hair, longer than he usually wore it, the longest pieces hovering around his chin.

Natsumi shook her head at him. "Just tell her you like her and get over it."

"I don't wanna make things weird."

In the same way that everyone knew Mitsuki liked Ryou, everyone knew that Ryou liked Mitsuki. The only two out of the loop were them. It would be comical if they weren't so annoying about it.

"You sure you don't have a cigarette?" he questioned.

"Do you see a cigarette in my hand?"

Ryou eyed her skeptically. "You could be hiding it."

"Motherfucker where would I hide it?" It wasn't like the skirts they issued out came with pockets.

"I don't know," he gestured to her chest. "Don't girls hide stuff in their bras?"

She slapped his hand, hoping it left a mark when he winced. "That'll teach you to say dumb shit."

"You're such a bitch," he said, rubbing the spot on her hand that she'd slapped. "It's not like I was gonna check. I was just asking."

The two of them had started working there together, so she knew that Ryou had a penchant for saying the wrong thing. It didn't help his case that he was a flirt, but she knew by this point he was (mostly) a harmless flirt. It was probably part of why Mitsuki flirted in front of him. "Yeah, whatever. Do you know if Hana is almost done?"

"Almost, but this last table is taking their time," he said, and then clapped his hands together. "That reminds me, she told me to tell you that as soon as that table is done you two can go. Oh, and she got you a present."

"I told her not to."

Ryou nodded. "Yep, she said that, and then she said to tell you, not to worry, she thinks you'll like it and it should be here soon."

"What like… she had it delivered to my house?"

"No, like, here."

"Did she say what it is?"

He shrugged, pulling his phone out of his pocket and scrolling through it. "No, and I didn't ask. Probably ordered you dinner or something."

Natsumi frowned, she'd already grabbed something from the kitchen because she didn't feel like stopping on the way home. Which Hana knew because she'd told her before she came out there. "I guess." Maybe she'd ordered it before she told her, or maybe she really had gotten her a gift even after she'd asked her specifically not to.

"How's your niece?" he asked, eyes still on his phone. "It's been a while since she's come by."

"Good, I think. She's busy with school so I haven't seen her in a while." Her stomach twisted, she hadn't gotten a text from them in three days. The news had been clear, and she knew they were busy but still, her stomach was in knots. "How's Kairi?"

Ryou turned his phone toward her, a picture of his younger brother in his middle school uniform. His appearance was pretty similar to Ryou with the same dark brown eyes, but his hair was a bit darker. "The same, he just finished up his last exams for the semester. Said he wants to go somewhere during the break."

"Anywhere specific?"

"Somewhere 'cool'," he said, making quotations with his fingers. "I tried to ask him to be more specific and he said, ask Natsumi, she's cool." He rolled his eyes. "He's met you like a handful of times, how do you do that?"

Natsumi shrugged, it wasn't like she had done anything special. Ryou had only brought his brother by the few times when he couldn't find someone to watch him. All she had done was check on him while Ryou was busy, brought him a few sodas and something to eat. "I didn't do anything, I barely said hi to him."

"Liar." He turned his phone back toward himself. "You know he used to think I was cool, used to worship me."

"Now who's the liar?"

"Oh, whatever," he said, shoving his phone back in his pocket. "Should I ask Mitsuki to go out tonight?"

"Go for it, I'm sure she'll trip all over herself to say yes."

Ryou shoved his hair out of his face again and whined, "Last time she invited Hana."

He sounded like a fucking teenager crying about his crush, which, she might sympathize with if his crush wasn't Mitsuki and she wasn't just as obsessed with him. "What did you expect when you invited her to go to a club?"

"I thought maybe it would be easier to talk if I was drunk, and then I could ask her to dance, and it would all sort of work itself out."

"You're an idiot. Just ask her on a date, and she'll say yes."

"You say that, but she spent half the night dancing with other guys."

That sounded like Mitsuki, but according to Hana, she had done it to see if he would be jealous. Apparently, he had danced with other girls instead and now Mitsuki was more convinced than ever that Ryou didn't like her, and now somehow Natsumi was being asked to help. Being friends with Hana had its drawbacks, like watching medical dramas and being in real-life coworker drama.

"So, you didn't dance with other girls?"

Ryou looked away from her and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, but that was different, I was trying to make her jealous. Not that it worked."

"Maybe she did the same thing. Maybe that's what she's doing right now."

"Mitsuki's not like that."

Mitsuki was exactly like that. "She is, you're just biased."

"And you're biased against her."

"I mean, I don't get why you and Hana like her, but whatever, that's your problem," though somehow it had become her problem, "but I'm telling you, she did it to make you jealous. Just, go act jealous in front of her. Get all 'be my woman' or something, she's into it apparently."

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, waving a hand while he talked and scrolled through. "Well, I don't want to be all… like, I don't know. What if you're wrong?"

"Oh, fuck's sake," she groaned and pushed off from the wall to look at him. "Do you hear how pathetic you sound?"

"Whatever. Hana texted… she said that your present just got here." He frowned, eyes still glued to his phone. "She also told me to go inside and leave you alone," he glanced down at her hands. "Did you tell her I was talking to you about Mitsuki?"

"I don't even have my phone on me, I left it –" There was a little bit of movement at the end of the alley, and her eyes drifted to it. It was late, but the alley was well-lit enough that she could make out Getou clearly enough. It helped that she had his face imprinted on the inside of her eyelids from picturing him between her legs so often. "Bye Ryou."

"Rude," he muttered, following her line of sight. When he caught sight of Getou, he turned back to her, a shit-eating grin on his face. "So… you know I wasn't going to bring it up, but Mitsuki did say something about a guy that night. Are we seeing the return of slutty Natsumi?"

She shoved him. "Shut up, go inside."

"Oh, come on," he whined, "everyone else got to meet him. I wanna meet your boytoy too."

"Don't call him that," she whispered, her eyes darting between them both. "We're just friends."

"Again, I say, liar," Ryou whispered back, just as Getou walked up to them.

His hair was pulled back in its usual style and in another pair of loose-fitting pants, a little nicer than usual, not sweatpants. This time he wore a black short-sleeved button-up that he'd left unbuttoned, exposing the white shirt underneath.

Natsumi shifted her weight, and leaned back against the wall, not sure what to do with herself. She was very aware of how the night had gone the last time he'd shown up at her job. But then, they hadn't seen each other in weeks, hadn't spoken to each other, and in all that time he hadn't shown up. He could have easily gotten her number from Mimiko if he wanted, but he hadn't. Yet somehow Hana had known he was coming? Had sent him back there as a 'present'?

"You know, all I heard standing in line at the club was how hot you are," he told Getou unabashedly. "Gotta say, I'm underwhelmed. You're not that hot. A six, maybe."

Natsumi soundly smacked him in the back of the head, his hand immediately cradling the spot as he winced. "Your mother should have swallowed you."

"My mother doesn't swallow," he said, unperturbed by the show of violence. "She is strictly a spit kinda gal, thank you very much."

"It's disturbing that you know that," she told him. Getou's eyes flitted between them, jaw tight and the false smile firmly in place. "Uh, this is my coworker, he was just leaving." She wasn't sure if she was trying to save Ryou from the glare in Getou's eyes or save herself from Ryou running his mouth.

"No, I wasn't," he said. "Okayasu Ryou." He dipped his head forward a little but stayed leaning against the wall next to Natsumi.

Getou's eyes darted toward her for a moment, she shrugged and he nodded toward Ryou. "Getou Suguru."

"Great, you've met, now go back inside." She shoved at Ryou's arm, trying to usher him toward the door.

"Nuh-uh, this is way too good," he said, waving her hands away. "So, are you the present?"

Getou raised an eyebrow at her. "What does he mean?"

"Nothing, I'm pretty sure his mother dropped him on his head," she waved it off. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you a few days ago, but your friend… Hana," he said after a moment's hesitation, "she told me you weren't working and to come tonight."

"You're… here to see me?"

His lip twitched. "Why else would I be here?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ryou watching the interaction, the expression on his face a little too gleeful. "You could be hungry."

"Natsumi."

"Well, it is a restaurant."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"This is better than cable," Ryou whispered under his breath.

Getou's jaw clenched tighter, she thought she could hear his teeth turning to dust.

"Oh, his dentist hates him."

"Ryou shut up," Natsumi pushed him this time.

He only smiled wider, not budging. "Oh, don't stop on my account," he said, either uncaring or ignorant of the glare Getou was giving him. "Go on, you came here to see Natsumi."

"Could you chill the fuck out?"

"I might have if you had been nicer when I tried to talk to you about Mitsuki," he admitted, "but you were a bitch so now it's my turn."

Getou's hands were hidden in his pockets, but even still, she could tell by the way his forearms flexed that he'd balled his hands into fists.

"Why did you come to see me?" she asked.

"Because I wanted to talk to you."

"You could have called."

"I don't have your number."

"You could have asked Mimiko."

Ryou raised his hand like a child in school. "Who's Mimiko?" he asked, not waiting for anyone to call on him. Probably realized that Natsumi would let him sit like that for hours if he didn't come out with it.

"His daughter," she answered, shrugging when Getou turned his eyes on her, his brow raised in a question. "He wasn't going to stop unless he got an answer." She was getting more used to his facial expressions, it helped that he didn't look at her with the same harsh intensity he looked at Ryou with. That fake smile might be on his face but she could see the cracks in it, the heat in his gaze and the tension in his shoulders. Not that dissimilar from how he looked at her when they met.

"Man, how old are you?"

"How old was your mom when she got knocked up?" Natsumi snapped at him, sighing when he only grinned back at her. Why was she surrounded by people who liked to start problems? "He's twenty-five."

"How do you know how old I am?"

Natsumi felt herself blush, saying that she had memorized the contents of his file, his birthday included, was not something she was going to admit.

"Oh shit, you made her blush!" Ryou pointed at her face. "Go, say something else."

Getou blinked at him. "I think you're right, he was dropped."

She snorted. "Told you."

"See if I ever cover a shift for you again," Ryou muttered under his breath.

"I didn't disbelieve you," Getou said, his eyes briefly flicking to Ryou. "I couldn't ask Mimiko, because I have self-respect." There was definitely an implication that Ryou didn't.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You didn't give me your number, I assumed you didn't want me to have it. I wasn't going to ask a thirteen-year-old."

Ryou sucked a breath in through his teeth. "Thirteen?"

"Adopted," she said quickly, waving a hand at Ryou. "That sounds like an excuse," she said pointedly.

He looked at her, amusement clear in his eyes and the lilt of his lips. "Oh, it does? Then, why didn't you call me? The phone works both ways."

"Well… you didn't give me your number."

"You didn't ask," he said, a little too amused. "You could have asked Mimiko."

"I wasn't going to ask your daughter for your number, that's weird."

"So, we both agree, that it would be inappropriate. Neither of us asked the other or offered. Should I have communicated with you telepathically?"

Ryou nodded from next to her. "He's kind of right. You should have given him your number."

"Don't be such an asshole," she muttered, throwing a kick at Ryou's shin.

Ryou swore under his breath, taking a few steps away so she couldn't kick him again. "That fucking hurt, what did I do? He's the one who didn't call you! I call the girls I sleep with."

Natsumi opened the employee door, the noise from the restaurant drifting out. "Bye, Ryou."

"No come on, I'll be quiet."

"Leave or I'm telling Mitsuki you're in love with her."

"You promised you wouldn't!" He threw up his hands, exasperated. "Where's the solidarity? The loyalty?"

"Fine, then I'm telling Mitsuki you put your hand down my shirt."

Ryou made a horrible sound, caught somewhere between a dying cat and a car crash. "That didn't happen! She's lying!" he shouted over his shoulder as he bolted inside, pulling the door behind him. The way he had made a beeline for the door, he must have at least noticed the glare Getou had been giving him.

She let out a sigh of relief when the door was securely closed, leaning back against the wall. "I'm going to stab him one day. Way too many knives are lying around in there for him to act like that."

"Is he… a problem for you?"

"No," she said, "Ryou's a harmless idiot." She watched him for a moment, his eyes still fixed on the door, but his posture was more relaxed once Ryou was gone. "So… you came to talk to me?"

He took a few steps closer to her, standing close enough that she had to tilt her head up to look him in the eyes. "I told you we would."

"Yeah, a month ago."

"I wanted to come sooner," he leaned in until she could feel his breath against her ear. "I was busy."

"With?"

"With… things I can't tell you about," he whispered, lips touching her ear as he spoke.

Her breath caught, her stomach twisting just as much as it was fluttering. "That's part of what we have to talk about, isn't it?"

He pulled back enough to look her in the eyes. "Yes."

"This is all… messy, isn't it?"

"Very messy," he told her, putting a hand on the side of her neck, his thumb running across her jaw. Could he feel her pulse racing? "If it's too much, I can leave you alone."

She splayed her fingers against his chest, feeling the taut muscles through his shirt. "Just like that?"

Getou kissed the corner of her mouth, a teasing kiss that had her fingers digging into his shirt. The way his lips tugged she thought he enjoyed teasing her, pulling reactions from her. "I don't want to," he said, "but it's complicated."

Maybe she enjoyed it too because she could have easily turned her head and kissed him, could have pulled him closer. She did neither, running her hands down to the edge of his shirt and slipping under until only her fingertips touched his skin.

"We're supposed to be talking."

"You started it."

The hand that rested on her neck slipped into her hair, his lips moving to her neck. "We can't keep putting it off."

"We won't," she assured, angling her head to expose more of her neck. "But maybe we shouldn't be talking about this outside my job."

"You have another idea?"

"My place," she said, slipping a hand out from under his shirt to pull at the tie in his hair.

"Are you inviting me over again?" He hummed into her neck, lips pressing soft kisses against her skin. "That doesn't exactly sound conducive to talking."

Once the tie was loose, she fisted a hand in his hair. "We'll talk, I promise."

"I really did come to talk."

It was a bit difficult to take him seriously when he was kissing her neck the way he was. "I have trouble believing that." The hand she still had under his shirt slid up, fingers gliding across his skin, feeling the dips and ridges.

"It's true," he said, but he pulled his hand from her hair to undo the top two buttons on her shirt.

She dragged her fingertips down, enjoying the way his skin twitched under her touch until she was at the edge of his pants. A shiver went through her as he nipped at her collarbone, lips, and teeth pulling at the sensitive skin. Natsumi grabbed the waistband of his pants, fingers just under the edge but not moving any further.

"We shouldn't be doing this here," he said, though he didn't pull away, only pressed his knee between her thighs. His cool breath tickled her skin, heat pooling in her abdomen when he wrapped a hand around her thigh and held it against his hip. "We should go."

"Can't," she said.

He sucked on her neck, pulling the sensitive skin between his teeth, the hand still in her hair pulling gently. "Are you sure?" he said against her skin.

"I can't –" her lips parted in a small gasp when his teeth grazed over a sensitive spot. "I can't leave yet," she tried again when his lips traveled up her neck to her jaw.

"We should stop then." He only pressed closer, crushing his chest against hers. "This isn't the place for this."

"No one comes down here."

"There is a door right there."

"It'll be fine," she whispered, sliding her hand out of his pants to fist both hands into his hair.

He pressed his lips to hers, a bruising kiss that had her arching into him, her thigh still hooked on his hip. For all his insisting, he still had her pressed against a wall with one hand in her hair and the other on her thigh. The hand in her hair drifted down, caressing against her waist until he was untucking her shirt from her skirt.

Cool fingers slid against her skin, slipping under her shirt as his tongue swiped along her lips. Her lips parted, fingers dragging across his scalp as pleasure pooled in her stomach. His tongue slid along hers and she couldn't think, couldn't breathe. It was so easy for him to do this, to kiss her until she turned into a breathless mess that craved his touch.

There was a distant creaking sound that she ignored, pulling him closer, and kissing him deeper. The hand under her shirt slipped up, fingers teasing the edge of her bra, threatening to slip under. She wanted more, always more. Even when he had left the last time after they'd spent half the morning touching each other, it wasn't enough. The heat never faded, the intensity only building with each touch.

"Damn, they're really going at it."

"Ryou stop spying! That's so gross!"

Natsumi slammed her head back into the wall, eyes swimming with tears as stars filled her vision. Her hands flew to the top of her shirt to hold it closed as his hand slipped out of her shirt. Getou let go of her thigh, taking a half step back but still standing far too close to be appropriate. Probably a bit late to care about that when she saw Ryou's wide grin and Hana's pink cheeks.

"Uh… surprise?" Hana said.

Natsumi glanced between Getou and the grin on Ryou's face and clutched her shirt tighter, the fluttering in her stomach turned into nausea. His hair was still mussed, and the bottom of his shirt was skewed. Between the two of them, even without being caught it was obvious what they had been doing. The endless mocking would drive her insane and she would probably end up beating Ryou half to death.

"I told you so," he muttered. Getou grabbed her shoulders and pulled her from the wall, positioning her so she was facing him, and her back was to the door.

For all his snark, she still appreciated the way he at least tried to help her not be so exposed. "Who had who pressed against the wall?"

"I said we shouldn't do this here," he argued.

"You know, I kinda missed slutty Natsumi," Ryou interjected.

"Ryou! Don't say that! Natsumi's not a slut."

There was a snort and the door creaked again behind her, louder than before. "You only say that because you didn't know her back then. You've only gone out with her once, so you don't know, but Natsumi will drop her panties faster than –"

"Fuck off Mitsuki." Even if she hadn't recognized her obnoxious voice, it was the kind of thing she would say.

"Let's not fight guys, it's a good night!" Hana said, voice overly cheerful. "So… you like your present?"

Her mouth opened and closed but no sound came out as her mind searched for something, anything to say. What did she even say to that? Was there anything to say?

She peeked up at Getou, his brows furrowed as he looked down at her. "Why do they keep calling me that?"

"No reason," she said quickly.

"Well, see, it's –"

"Ryou, if you don't shut your –"

Getou's touch stopped her tirade, fingers wrapping gently around one of her wrists. "Tell me."

"Can we not talk about this right now?"

"No, because you always seem to want to avoid talking."

"Shit he's got Natsumi pegged," Ryou said from behind her.

Getou narrowed his eyes sharply, jaw clenched and heat in his gaze, not bothering with the fake smile anymore. Somehow, in all their fooling around she had forgotten just how dangerous he was. She'd been too busy falling into his touch.

"Stop being mean to Natsumi," Hana said, ever the mediator. "You open tomorrow, go home and get some sleep. You'll be in trouble if you're late again."

"Fine fine, seeya later, kaa-chan," Ryou mocked, and Hana huffed in response.

Natsumi could practically see her shooing him off in her head, the interaction commonplace. She refused to turn around, watching Getou look at her coworkers the way he used to look at her before he had… what? Changed his mind about her? Still, it might be better than turning around to see the judgment on Mitsuki's face and embarrassment on Hana's.

"Hana, are you good riding with Natsumi or do you need me to take you home?"

"Oh, uh, yes please, if you don't mind," Hana answered

"No, I'll take her," Natsumi said.

"Are you sure? It's fine, really. I can ride with Mitsuki. Oh! Or I can take the train, no big deal."

"You're not taking the train this late, it's almost midnight," Mitsuki said. "If Natsumi won't take you then I will."

"I already said I would. I just need to grab my purse and we can go," Natsumi said.

"Uh… maybe, I should grab it, since… you know… your shirt and… busy and… I'll just go get it," Hana trailed off. Warmth spread across Natsumi's cheeks, she would never live this down, would probably hear about it for weeks. "I'll see you tomorrow, let me know you got home safe!" Hana said, the door creaking.

"Yeah, see you," Mitsuki said flippantly, her footsteps retreating down the alleyway.

At least Mitsuki was leaving, she wouldn't have to hear whatever it was she had to say. Maybe if she was lucky their shifts wouldn't line up for a while and something else would catch her interest. Something else more gossip-worthy than Natsumi getting felt up in an alley.

"Are you okay?" Getou asked once they were alone.

She sighed but nodded. "I'm embarrassed but it'll be fine."

He smiled softly at her, nothing like the way he'd smiled at the rest of them, it was smaller, sweeter somehow. "I meant your head, you hit it hard."

There was a dull ache in the back of her head, but it was already fading. She'd already forgotten about smacking into the wall behind her, less important than the humiliation. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He nodded his head. "I thought we were going to talk."

"We still are."

Getou inclined his head toward the door, tugging her hands until she slowly released her death grip on her shirt. "You said you were taking your friend home."

"Yeah, it's not going to take long, we'll have plenty of time," she hesitated, watching his fingers button the top of her shirt slowly, his fingers brushing her skin. "Unless you don't have time or… if you don't want to, that's fine."

He laughed, a soft breath fanning across her face as he straightened the collar of her shirt. "I made the time," he told her, "and I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to. I'm just… trying to understand the plan."

"Oh, well, uh, I'm going to take her home and then we can go to my house and talk."

"So, we're all going together, in your car… the three of us?"

"Yeah? How else would I get her home?"

He opened his mouth, but the door creaked behind her, and the smile she was only just starting to know disappeared. The too-wide smile he'd worn before was back in place, eyes narrowed, and lips stretched across his face. It sent a chill down her back but when she turned back to Hana, she didn't seem to notice anything strange as she passed Natsumi her purse.

They walked to her car, Getou on one side of her and Hana on the other, babbling about the last table. A nice couple out celebrating an anniversary and Hana gushed like it was her own parents. She sounded more invested in the relationship than the couple probably was. Maybe that was her thing, playing matchmaker. She'd told Getou to come for Natsumi's birthday and put herself in the middle of Ryou and Mitsuki's… whatever it was.

She peeked at him out of the corner of her eye while Hana talked, his shoulders tense and his jaw tight but the smile still firmly on his face. Natsumi had forgotten just how chilling that smile could be, he'd been too irritated by her to bother with it past that first day at the mall.

Saying he had been irritated felt overly generous, he'd looked at her like he hated her. The rage and disgust had been so clear on his face, and he had hated her. It had changed slowly, more into something that was mocking, just interested enough to let her amuse him. Then, somehow, it had changed and he looked at her like he wanted her and then treated her with such softness that it seemed like a dream. Now he was looking at Hana, with that fake smile that she knew was only a mask for the rage and disgust that simmered underneath.

Getou hated Hana.

Sweet Hana, who was adored by anyone who met her. Mitsuki was a bitch, but by comparison, was probably the nicest to Hana out of all of them. Ryou didn't even call his own mother anything half as affectionate as 'kaa-chan', and she knew it was only half a joke. Hana took care of people, even if they didn't know she was.

Hana, who had showed up at her door with groceries, because she didn't want Natsumi to be alone.

She handed her purse to Hana when they made it a few meters away from the car. "Sit in the front and go start the car for me, I have to talk to Getou-san."

"Oh… uh okay," Hana said, taking the purse. "Are you sure I should sit in the front?"

Getou shot her a confused look, she hadn't called him that since before they slept together, not since he'd made her cry out his name. "Oh, I'm very sure." Natsumi crossed her arms in front of her chest, waiting until the door was shut closed and the engine turned over to speak. "What's your problem with Hana?"

He glanced at the car and back to her. "Nothing in particular, she's… helpful, I suppose."

"You hate her." His lips pressed together in a firm line. "Why because… because she's a monkey?" He turned his head away from her, avoiding her gaze. "You're joking, I mean… she… we slept together."

"This is what we needed to talk about," he said jaw clenched as he stared at the car, and when he turned back to her his eyes were hard. "You need to understand that I feel differently about you. Nothing else has changed. My feelings about… everyone else, haven't changed."

"You can't mean that."

"I do."

She shook her head. "So what does that mean exactly?"

"You know what it means."

"I know what it means vaguely, but I don't know any specifics," she hesitated, they hadn't talked about Gojou since that night, only talking around him. For her, that had been the biggest problem, betraying Gojou. The thing that had been so at the front of her mind, she'd almost forgotten the rest of it. "Gojou said, you want to kill everyone."

"Not everyone," he whispered.

"Just monkeys like me."

His eyes widened, a look in his eye that was a little too wild as he reached for her. She should have flinched away, she should have pushed him away.

She did neither.

"Don't say that," he said, cradling her face between his hands. It was soft, the same way he had touched her the morning after he'd woken up without her in bed.

Somehow, it didn't feel quite the same. His hands felt heavier than they had before, like there was a weight behind the touch she hadn't noticed before. He wasn't touching her any differently, it was in her head, and she knew it was. Even with the wild look clouding it, there was a softness in his eyes and a sweetness in his touch.

Still, it all felt different, like she'd let herself forget about the danger under all the pleasure. She remembered now, the danger creeping in under her skin and raising the hair on the back of her neck.

"Why not? It's true. I'm a –"

"Matsuda," his tone had an edge to it, a tone she hadn't heard him use in a while. A warning to quit while she was ahead. "Stop. Please."

"Fine." As if it was better if they didn't say the word. "Gojou said every non-sorcerer, but you can't mean all of them."

"I don't expect you to understand," he spoke softly, his thumbs stroking along her cheekbones. "I'm not… asking you to understand, or for approval."

"So, what, you think I'm okay, but everyone else… Why me?"

"You're different," he said. "You're… an exception to the rule. Just you."

Hands that brought pleasure and lips that kissed bruises. Hands that killed people and lips that washed it away by calling them monkeys. She should have been more disgusted than she was, more horrified, but she had known already. Still, there was something different about hearing it from the same lips that kissed her than just something she'd been told about him.

Really, what right did she have to be shocked, at this point? It wasn't as if the word 'monkey' hadn't been on the tip of his tongue half the night when he had seen her with Kazumi. It was the reason he had left after they had kissed that first time, even if he said it wasn't. How much had he twisted himself in knots, trying to convince himself it was okay that he wanted her?

He had as much told her, that he had changed his mind, that he had decided she was brave and a good influence on the girls and whatever else he had told her that night. That there was something in her that made seeing her different from the rest worth it for him. And shouldn't he know, that that wasn't true?

"I'm an addict," she told him, staring him down as seriously as she could. Though it might have been undercut with the way she leaned into his touch because even as the danger settled under her skin, there was still that warmth, the racing of her heart that wasn't just fear.

"What?"

If he was going to decide she was some insane exception to his insane plan. If she was going to continue doing whatever insane thing she was doing with this insane man, he should know the truth, at least some of it. "I'm an addict," she repeated, "and an alcoholic."

"I was… pretty sure about that already," he said quietly, his thumbs brushing across her cheeks.

"You… what?"

"I heard you talking to Hana that night after I…" he didn't finish it, but they both knew it was after he'd punched Kazumi after he'd cursed him. Because of her. "I just wanted to make sure you were safe, that you weren't going to fall in a ditch somewhere. You were crying and talking, I was about to leave, but you said my name," he lowered his voice, "You wouldn't have gone with him."

"I almost did," she told him. "I would have left with him if you hadn't shown up."

"That's not true," he told her, "I know that's not true, even if you don't." He sounded so sure, so convinced that she wanted to believe it too.

But as sure as he was that she wouldn't have, she knew the truth. "I kept drinking after you left. I was alone and hurt and I kept drinking because that's what I do."

"I'm sorry, I didn't –"

"It's not your fault. I'm a drunk, it is what it is," she said quietly. "But Hana showed up, she was there for me, and she's been there since. I need her." Thinking about Sumiko wasn't enough anymore. Not when they were always gone. Not when she knew Gojou would be there for her if Natsumi wasn't. If he found out about Getou, he would still take care of Sumiko

Wouldn't he?

"I can tolerate her." He thought that was enough, and she wanted it to be enough.

She grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from her face. "No, you can't… You can't just tolerate her. If you can't be normal around her, then you can step out of my life the same you stepped into it," she told him taking a step back.

He frowned at her, eyes hard and jaw tight. "I don't like ultimatums."

"Nobody does," she snapped, "but you're not getting in my car and looking at Hana the way you have been. I don't care if you look at Ryou and Mitsuki like that, but not Hana."

"What way is that?"

"Like you're trying to cover up how much you want her dead," she said. "You looked at me the same way when we met until I pissed you off too much and then you just… You couldn't even hide how much you hated me."

"I wouldn't hurt you."

"I know," she said, because even as the fear curled under her skin, she still believed he wouldn't hurt her. Not as long as he wanted her. She just hoped she'd be able to tell the difference when he stopped wanting her. "But I need to know that you won't hurt Hana, that you can do better than just tolerating her."

He shook his head. "You're asking for too much. I won't hurt her, but the best I can do is tolerate her."

"That's not enough."

"It has to be enough," he told her. "I decided my feelings, a long time ago. I can tolerate her when she's around and I vow to you I won't intentionally hurt or kill her."

Natsumi stared at him, he was as stubborn as she was but he had changed his mind about her and Hana was a much better person than she could ever hope to be. She didn't have any illusions of trying to change his mind, if Gojou couldn't make him see he was crazy, couldn't make him stop then Natsumi doubted she ever would. All she really needed, was to make sure Hana would never be hurt by Natsumi's fucked up choices.

He promised not to hurt Hana, the same way he'd promised her he wouldn't hurt her. Maybe it was enough for the night. "Can't you just say promise like a normal person?"

Getou looked a little stunned before his lips pulled into that teasing smile and he laughed at her. "Why bother, when you know that I'm not?"

"Yeah, but you could still act like it," she said, turning to the car. "I'm driving by the way."

"Oh, so it's fine for you to put my life in danger? That's a bit hypocritical of you."

Natsumi snorted. "A little fear might do you some good. I have the feeling you're too used to everyone else being afraid of you."

"Me? Of course not."

"Uh-huh."