Chapter 5 - Girl Crush

N/A: I think the whole fic was inspired on this song. It's such an unique perspective and it always remind me of Sam. Hope you enjoy this long chapter ;)

"I want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfume

I want her long blond hair
I want her magic touch
Yeah, 'cause maybe then
You'd want me just as much

I've got a girl crush"

- Hello. Welcome! Come on in. - the bright smiled girl, motioned for Sam to enter the house. - You must be Samantha! Abe told me everything about you.

Damn! She thought she was ready for it, but not even in her wildest dreams she imagined she would be alone in the kitchen with the princess.

- A-and you m-must be Nuala. I...I...I mean princess. I'm so... sorry. I heard a lot about you too. - wtf, Samantha? Do you stutter now?

- Ow, don't bother. You can call me Nuala. No formalities needed.

Nuala reached her hand as a friendly gesture. But Sam flinched.

- Sorry, I don't like to be read.

- Ow, pardon me. That wasn't my intention at all. It's just a greeting, I suppose. But come, come. Make yourself at home.

That would be hard, she thought. Even so, Sam walked into a beautifully decorated kitchen. She noticed little feminine details on it. Next to it, was an ample living room, also decorated in a very country-romantic style.

- The house is very beautiful. - Sam said politely as Nuala noticed she was looking around.

- Ow, thank you. You are so kind. Of course, I helped Abraham with some feminine touches, to make more cozy.

- That's nice.

An uncomfortable silence started then. Sam started fiddling with her dress, noticing that Nuala was staring at it, she pushed it down as far as it would go in her thighs. She noticed the princess was wearing a very elegant summer dress. In light blue, with a long flowy skirt, and shimmering slippers. Her long blonde hair went perfectly down her elegant back, adorned with braids and golden jewelry. Her features were very delicate. Sam was suddenly extremely self conscious of her tight dress and worn out combat boots.

- Ah, you know. I was just passing through. I must go. - Sam said, turning back, and the princess smile melt down.

- Oh no.

- You just tell Abraham I said hi. - Sam said already reaching for the doorknob.

- Oh, just wait a second. I'll go get him.

- No, that would be totally unnecessary...

But Sam trailed off as Abe walked into the kitchen with an empty jar and glasses. The princess broke the awkward silence.

- Oh, Abraham. Good. Look, Samantha is here. I've been showing her the house.

The moment he walked in, their eyes crossed and Samantha was paralyzed, under his sight it was like she couldn't even breathe.

- ... Oh goodness! The refreshers are gone. I should get more.

The princess then took the things out of Abe's hands as he barely noticed while staring at Sam. She took another jar from the fridge and ran out of the door, muttering something about them catching up.

And then, after more than 4 years Abe and Sam were left completely alone. Sam felt like passing out again. Her heart was pounding so much she was scared she would have a heart attack or the organ would come out of her mouth at any second. She felt her body producing sweat and hoped it wouldn't wet her clothes.

While she stood there in an intern turmoil. Abraham stood stoically calm, looking at her. For a moment, she didn't recognize him. His sweet, kind aura gone. The presence that always made her feel good and calm, now sent bad shivers down her spine. Incapable of maintaining the cold silence, she said:

- H...hi! - embarrassed.

She expected him to say something or smile or hug her as an old friend. Was that what she expected? She felt stupid thinking that. And he just kept standing there as cold as ice. If he didn't want to talk to her, why ask she here? She was about to voice the question to him when two children came running into the kitchen.

- Auntie Sam! Auntie Sam!

- Oh, my god! You're guys are so big! Who are you and what is your father feeding you with?

The twins laughed.

- We're bigger than children our age.

- Bigger? Your almost bigger than me! - she said struggling with air as their hugged her waist tightly.

- Why you never came to see us? - Anna voiced.

- I'm so sorry. I've been very busy. But you were always on my thoughts.

- Come auntie. Come see our party. - Trevor took her by the hand.

- Yes, we have friends now. - Anna said, grabbing her other hand.

The children pulled her out to a colorful decorated backyard. Leaving Abe as a statue on the kitchen.

Four hours later, Sam talked to a lot of people she was surprised she found on that backyard. Hellboy and Liz hugged her tight and lecture her about not reaching out for so long.

John had a new girlfriend which, Sam could tell, was obviously jealous of her at first, when they started talking nonstop and full of excitement. But soon, she realized they had always been just good friends. John had felt very sad about her missing without a trace and never letting they know she was alive. But, he understood her reasons and didn't insist too much on the matter. Which Sam was grateful for.

When a cheerful song started playing, he dragged her to the small improvised dance floor.

- It's our tradition. - he explained. Sam just laughed while trying to follow his weird footsteps.

She was also surprised to see Ethan and Andrea together. They told her they got married a year ago. Andrea chatted happily with her, catching her up in everything that happened after she went missing. However, Ethan just stood there, staring at her with intent and making Sam sort of uncomfortable, although sometimes laughing or agreeing with something his wife said.

Sam met the children's new friends they mentioned and was very happy to see the twins able to have a somewhat normal childhood. Liz mentioned that she had found a really small school community in the closest city which only took in special needs' students. Feeling brave about it, she started talking with the teachers and principal, and realized that her children would benefit in attending the school. It took some time for her and Hellboy to feel comfortable in leaving the children there, but soon they realized that most students had a kind of physical or mental difference and prejudice or scrutiny wasn't a part of that community.

Sam was introduced to different people and engaged in conversation with lots of them. They talked about Harvard and how did she meet Liz, HB and Abe. She didn't see much of him except flashes of blue in the corner of her eye, which made her instantly turn her face in another direction.

Soon, the day was getting over and many of the guests bid their goodbye. Liz and HB took the exhausted children and told Sam they would usually walk home through the beach since their house was not far from Abe's. They would also accompany some parents that lived in the same direction.

Liz had mentioned to her that after the golden army battle they had moved to that house together. At first, they didn't want Abraham to feel like they didn't want to live with him, so even though she was already pregnant, they've decided to live all together. And it worked for some time. But with the twins getting older, the space was getting crowded. They decided to leave the house for Abe and move, since it already had a tank installed and all the equipment Abe needed. It would be easier for them to move, besides they wanted a bigger house. So after leaving the bureau when she went missing, they did it and Abe didn't seem to mind, in fact, he seemed to prefer.

- Also, - Liz continued. - there's the lake here. The beach is private, but Abe prefers using the lake when, you know, he is tired of the tank. We don't have much use for a lake, beside not being safe for the children. Even with protection, I would be paranoid about they falling in by accident.

- Yes, with children you never know. - Sam responded taking a sip of her wine - so you moved where?

- Oh, its nearby. Abe said he prefered to be by himself, but we are still a family and didn't want to go too far. It's about 2 miles in that direction. It's much fast coming and going throughout the beach than the road, so we rarely drive here. You should visit us some time.

- Yeah, I'd love that.

Sam was pleased that even though she was the white elephant in the room, they all treated her as if nothing had changed and she had spent one year abroad or something.

When Liz and Hellboy took the twins and left, Sam also grabbed her jacked and purse and walked to the gate. But before she could sneak out, the princess, who was helping to clean out the refreshments table, asked her if she could take some plates to the kitchen in her way out, and Sam couldn't possibly refuse.

She left the plates on the kitchen table and turned to the door, noticing then that Abe was there. Sam felt as she took a punch to the stomach since all the air left her body. They stood in silence for a while, before Sam said.

- Your...house is very beautiful. - she muttered, so is your girl, she was going to say but the words died in her mouth.

She thought about all the things she would like to say to him: I've missed you, I've never forgotten you, you seem good, she seems lovely. Damn! In the end, she lost her nerves and went with:

- I have to go, thank you for inviting me.

She went for the door, but he stepped in front of it before she could reach it. She was surprised since he has been a statue until then.

- Why did you leave? - he asked in a low tone.

- I...I... What?

- Why... did... you... leave? - he asked punctuating every word.

Sam couldn't look him in the eyes, so she lowered her head.

- I...I...I don't know. - she answered sincerely.

- WHAT? - he asked angrily.

- I don't know. - she whispered repeating.

- You DON'T KNOW?

At this moment, Sam heard more than saw the glass jar next to him hitting the wall and exploding in small pieces of glass. Sam stared up at him with wide eyes. She had never seen he acting like that. And she didn't know how to respond to that.

- SO, YOU DON'T KNOW? That's all? - he screamed at her again.

He didn't wait for her to respond. He opened a small closet near by and started taking out boxes after boxes of files. Throwing them either on the table or on the floor, completely messing out what was before a well organized archive.

- So you disappear out of thin air. We don't know if your alive or dead. The bureau searched for you for a month and there wasn't a single clue of what happened to you. Manning gave up. Declared you deceased in combat. Me, John and Ethan kept looking for some more months. We took every single file that mentioned you, we turned your room upside down and the only thing we had was something that wasn't there. The book. The book I gave you wasn't there and that filled me with hope. I twisted John's mind upside down, almost left him in coma twice, cause I knew he knew something, I felt you in him but he gave me nothing.

The papers were spreading all over the kitchen.

- And then, I was alone. I went to your funeral. And every single person there tried to convince me the I was in denial, that you were really gone. But I knew. I knew it. I didn't... feel you gone. So I twisted my mind upside down. I tried to remember every conversation, everything I ever heard you say. I went to every place in the world you've ever mentioned to me. I've been to Greece, to the Maldives, even to your parent's house. I went through every song, every book, every poem, every word and even so I couldn't find you.

While he was speaking, he kept throwing papers out, all catalogues of his search for her, and then finally, when he was done, he took a deep breath and touched his forehead. Sam was stupefied, paralyzed.

- But that was not even the worst part, - he continued. - all of this, wasn't... the worst was not to know. Not to know if you were alive and if you were, not to know the reason why. Why did you leave? Why didn't you talk to me or anyone first? Why didn't you let me know? And then you come her after four years and tell me YOU DON'T KNOW?

Sam didn't know what to say, she looked down at all the notebooks and plane tickets on the floor and asked:

- Why?

- Why what?

- Why all this? Why did you look for me?

Abe seemed to get even angrier, if that was possible and he went close to her until her back was to the wall and their breaths mixed. She didn't remember just how taller than her he was.

- Why? How could you ask me that?

- I...I... don't. I...

At this moment, she stopped because he touched her face. His fingers were gentle, contrasting with his voice and expression. She closed her eyes to keep her tears from falling. He touched his forehead with hers and whispered:

- Why did you leave... me?

Sam took in his ocean scent and the tears escaped, wetting his fingers.

- I don't... I didn't want to... - but how could she tell him that? Did she own him an explanation after all that?

I didn't want to make you choose. I couldn't see you choose her over me. How could you choose me? You loved her.

She thought it, but kept it to herself. She just couldn't tell him she left because she didn't want to feel abandoned, she didn't want to be a a second choice. She had fallen for him and she broke her own heart before he could break it.

Abe tilt her head so she would look at him and stared deep inside her eyes.

- You know why. - he answered her question and kissed her gently on the lips.

Sam wanted to turn her face, to push him away. How could he kiss her when Nuala was just outside? But he did kiss her and deepen the kiss, like he was thirsty and she was a jar of fresh water. Sam didn't respond, she tried to resist him, her hands in fists on his chest. But he was the opposite, he was devouring her mouth, while holding her waist and pushing her against the wall making every possible part of their bodies touch.

But when she heard the door opening, Sam finally gather the strength she needed to push him away. Muttering that she had to go, she barely saw Nuala entering the kitchen before running out of the house. She charged uphill as fast as she could panting and crying. The cold wind giving her goosebumps. She heard him calling after her, but he didn't follow her.