In Limbo

Chapter 55

It was near the end of dinner when Jamie left the dining room, upset about the extra credit assignment he wanted to do about Joe, and Amanda headed upstairs, knowing that Jamie, being the more sensitive of her two sons, felt a bit conflicted suddenly on how to proceed, if he indeed did want to work on it.

Amanda, noticing the bedroom door was slightly ajar, remembered when the boys used to do that to hear her come upstairs if she was home late from work in years past.

Tapping on the door, she asked, "Jamie? Are you alright, Sweetheart?"

Jamie answered sadly, "I'm okay, Mom...It's just..."

Amanda sighed, and entering the room, found the boys' wastebasket near Jamie's bed, and peering over, saw the wastebasket almost full of crumpled up paper, and seeing Jamie's notebook binder next to him, queried softly, "I'm sure whatever you want to write is gonna be great, Honey-"

Jamie shrugged, commenting, "Well, you have to say that, because you're my mom-"

But Amanda shook her head, replying, "No, I've always told you and your brother the truth about your schoolwork. You know that. Besides, I think it's about something related to it indirectly... Am I right?"

When Jamie stayed silent, Amanda came over, and moving his notebook aside, sat down next to Jamie, saying, "Okay, Sweetheart...You know you can say anything to me at all, good or bad, and I won't get upset, I promise. Now, what's wrong?"

Jamie shrugged again, stating, "Well, Lee's here, and you probably wanna spend time with him, so I can tell you later-"

Amanda tiredly put her hand under Jamie's chin, and turning it to face her, queried, "James West! What is going on?"

-SMK-

Jamie asked, "Okay...Well, can you love and hate someone at the same time?"

Amanda, surprised at the question, answered, "W-Well, you can love someone, and not like what they've said or done at certain times. For instance, you and Phillip go at it regularly-"

Jamie shook his head, responding, "It's not Phillip...I mean, he's okay for the most part, but picks on me a lot-"

Amanda sighed, commenting, "Jamie..."

Then Jamie stated, "It's Dad...Mom, he was a great dad, and we loved him, but he made you sad, and you guys split up, and he said he loved us, and-and now he's gone! My paper was gonna be about Dad's work in Africa, but then I thought, I never got to ask him why we weren't important enough for him to stay here. Don't you hate him for that?!"

Amanda swallowing hard at her son's words, kissed his temple, remarking quietly as she held him, "Oh, Sweetie...I-I was mad at him for a long time after he took the job with the EAO...I thought we had a pretty good life, and he was a lawyer who could've made a decent living without the travel, you know? I mean, look at what he was missing out on! Our two handsome fellas, growing like gangbusters, and he was missing your childhoods! Sure, he would call and write, and send you presents, but he wasn't living in the moment, and somehow, he thought that was okay. That he'd catch up soon, but I reminded him all the time, that you guys were growing up fast, and that he was missing it...So, did I hate him? No, Honey, I was sad for him, because he was there for other families across the globe, but somehow he must have felt he wasn't needed as much here...It-It hurt, you know? So I don't think you and Phillip really hate your dad, but you were cheated out of a lot of special times you could've had together."

With a final hug, Amanda answered, "Now, if you still wanna do the paper on your dad's work, that's fine...I happen to think that he'd be proud of you boys no matter what you do , alright? "

Jamie nodded and gulped, stating, "Okay, Mom, thanks..."

Dotty then appeared at the door with Phillip, responding, "Amanda, Lee's going to go soon if you want to say goodnight...He's heading to the driveway."

Amanda nodded and getting up from Jamie's bed, commented to the boys, "Okay, why don't you guys get ready for bed, okay? I'll be back in a bit..."

-SMK-

Amanda went out the front door a few moments later, and seeing Lee leaning back against his car, winced slightly, and approaching him answered, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know I'd be up there that long..."

But Lee waved it away, and pulling her gently to him, gave her a tender kiss, responding softly, "It's okay...Jamie obviously had to work out some stuff... Is he okay now?"

Amanda, putting her hands on Lee's chest lightly, replied, "I think so...He asked me if it was possible to love and hate someone at the same time..."

Lee answered, "Yikes...Joe, right?"

Amanda nodded and sighed, commenting, "Yeah. It'll take a while for the boys to come to terms with their feelings about him..."

Lee, looking down at Amanda, asked carefully, "And how do you feel?"

Amanda shrugged, replying, "I told Jamie that I didn't hate Joe, but I felt sorry for what he's missed all this time...How about you?"

Lee puzzled, remarked, "Me? I barely knew him-"

Amanda shook her head saying, "C'mon! You must have some opinion...Go ahead."

Lee, clearing his throat, answered, "Okay...In another time or place, we might have actually gotten along. But at this moment, all I see is a selfish guy who went to chase a dream, when he didn't have to travel any further than his own back yard, because he could've had you and the kids all along."

But seeing Amanda's sudden downcast expression, he remarked, "Honey, I'm sorry, but you asked-"

Amanda gulped, saying with a shrug, as she looked at her watch,"N-No, you're right...I guess I'm having a bit of trouble with my own feelings about him...Well, It's getting late. I'd better go in..."

Lee kissed her, and commented, "Call me after you get home from the funeral...Love you."

Amanda answered, "I love you, too..."

And as Lee left, Amanda thought going back into the house,, Why does it bother me now? Thought I was done years ago...

TBC