Chapter 2
Double Dee pondered the ambiguous words that graced the small slip of paper he was holding in his hands. For reasons he could not quite explain, he felt an overwhelming feeling of bliss as he read the poem. Although Double Dee typically viewed fortune telling as nothing more than an amusing charade, he couldn't help but wonder if there could perhaps be any truth behind the poem. Double Dee was a shy, and somewhat socially awkward teenager; and because of these personality traits that he saw as flaws, he began to question if he could ever find a girl that would appreciate and love him for who he was.
Double Dee's thoughts were interrupted by Eddy, who decided to snatch the poem directly out of his hands.
"Eddy, what are you doing!" yelled Double Dee, "The thin cross section of that card as well as the sudden force you applied to it could have caused me to sustain injury in the form of extremely painful paper cuts!"
Eddy ignored Double Dee's ranting as he read the poem to himself while sitting behind his desk. He looked upon the words with a confused stare, failing to understand the artistic connotations of poetic verse.
"I don't get it," said Eddy as held the card up in front of him, examining the words.
"It's a poem Eddy," said Double Dee with a lively smile as he retook possession of his poem, "Poetry is the language of the heart, and is the perfect medium for one to express their undying emotions."
"Poems melt my brain Double Dee!" yelled Ed
Just then, the sound of the bell signaling the start of first period echoed throughout the halls of the school. All three boys, as well as the rest of the students in the class began making their way towards the door to begin their journey to class.
"It's already melted Monobrow," said Eddy as he passed through the door and into the marble hallway, "Besides, poems are for sissies."
"Poems are not just for 'sissies' Eddy," said Double Dee as he gently placed the card back into its envelope. He then proceeded to place the envelope in his back pack for safe keeping "I for one appreciate the beauty that a well written poem has to offer,"
The boys continued their conversation as they walked down the hallway. After a few steps, Eddy decided to quench his thirst with a quick drink from the water fountain. As Eddy looked up after finishing his drink, his eyes made contact with a brightly colored poster hanging on the bulletin board above the water fountain. The poster was decorated with red and pink hearts, as was the case with the rest of the school, and boasted a few lines of writing in a large cursive style font:
Need an idea for a romantic date with that special someone?
Come on down to, The First Annual, Peach Creek Jr. High Valentine's Day Carnival!
Ride rides, play games, eat sweets, and be merry!
Don't have a sweetheart yet? No sweat!
Find your match made in heaven on our exclusive mystery match tunnel of love!
Admission is free, provided a valid student ID is presented
Doors open Friday night at 7:00 p.m.
"Well boys," said Eddy as he turned around to his friends with a grin on his face, "Look alive, cause I got the perfect way to spend our Friday night!"
Eddy performed a hitch-hikers thumb maneuver behind him as if to draw his friends attention to the poster.
"A carnival?" asked Double Dee, "Seems that the student government has finally managed to have it approved this year."
Double Dee pondered the poster over for a few seconds.
"As much as I would love to join you, I am afraid that it is for my best interest that I sit this one out," said Double Dee, "Besides, you know all too well that I do not enjoy those instruments of torture you call amusement rides. May I remind you the little mishap that occurred during the class trip to Great Adventure last April?"
Eddy began laughing hysterically as he recalled the incident that Double Dee was speaking of.
"Aww man, that was priceless!" yelled Eddy as he continued laughing.
"Double Dee spewed out his innards just like the suma people in 'Attack of the Recyclops!' yelled Ed as he held his hands up as to imitate the actions of a monster.
"I fail to see the humor in the involuntary expulsion of gastric contents," said Double Dee .
"Relax Double Dee, we're just jackin' ya!" yelled Eddy "Besides, who cares about the rides."
Eddy placed his arms around his best friend's shoulders.
"Boys," said Eddy, "Watch and learn, cause Friday night, I'm gonna score myself a kiss on the tunnel of love!"
As soon as Eddy had finished speaking, a familiar voice chimed in from behind the boys
"Why wait for Friday, boys?"
The air was filled with the sound of three malicious feminine giggles. The Ed's slowly turned around, frightened as if they were a trio of deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. They were greeted by the sight of three teenage girls; however, the sight was anything but welcome.
Lee Kanker stood in the middle of the hallway, dressed in her typical polka dotted white shirt and blue jeans combination. Her red curls were as unruly as ever and draped over the top of her face, effectively concealing both of her eyes. A sly grin adorned her face, causing the silver crown that acted as her incisor to be exposed.
To her right stood May, wearing a grey t-shirt complimented by a pair of baggy red shorts, in addition to yellow knee high socks worn under her black cleats. May was grinning in the same manner as her older sister, accentuating her severe maxillary malocclusion, as she stood with her hands on her hips with her pelvis relaxed to the right.
Lastly, to Lee's left, stood Marie, dressed her usual attire consisting of a flat black t-shirt and green cargo pants. Her midnight blue hair hung to her jaw-line, styled in such a way that her bangs swept across her face, concealing her right eye. She ran the rusty red colored fingernails of her right hand through her hair as she giggled at the Ed's fear, after which she folded her arms. On her wrist was a jet black wristband, further emphasizing the punk appearance that she was attempting to portray.
"Kankers," whispered Eddy to himself after which he clenched his fists as well as his jaw. Ed and Double Dee were as still as statues, paralyzed with fear.
"What's this?" asked Lee aggressively as she walked over to the poster hanging on the bulletin board. She tore off of the wall and read through it.
"Well girls," said Lee, "Looks like there's gonna be a nice little carnival on Friday night and our men haven't asked us to it yet!"
"How rude!" yelled May, playing into her sister's joke.
"Mom was right!" said Marie, "Give men some leeway and they'll tear your heart in two!"
Eddy could no longer control the anger that was building up inside of him, and reacted accordingly.
"Whoever said that we're takin ya anywhere?" yelled Eddy.
Lee snickered as she walked towards Eddy. She leaned down into his face and tickled the bottom of his jaw with her forefinger.
"I don't think you really have a choice little man!" said Lee in a quiet, yet menacing voice.
May walked over toward Ed, at which point she leaned into his face while staring up into his eyes with a fake smile. Ed simply looked down into his tormentors eyes, albeit with an expression of fear.
"I can't wait for the carnival, Big Ed!" yelled May, "We're going to have so much fun spending the night together."
"Yeah," said Marie as she walked over towards Double Dee. She slammed her hands against the lockers he was leaning on, trapping him in between her arms, as she bent her right knee, lifting her foot towards her back.
"I just know my little pumpkin has something special planned for us this Valentine's Day!" said Marie as she leaned extremely close to the distressed Double Dee's face.
"LET"S KISS EM!" said May in a long drawn out voice.
The blonde and blue haired Kanker sisters began leaning in to touch their lips to their cowering "boyfriends" at which point Lee grabbed her sisters and pulled them away.
"Easy girls!" yelled Lee playfully as she grabbed onto her sisters shoulders, "Save the good stuff for Friday night!"
Lee glanced towards the three Ed's.
"But for now, I think it's time we remind everyone that these men are ours!" said Lee after which she glanced towards Marie and snapped her fingers, "Marie! Get the stuff!"
"Way ahead of ya Lee!" said Marie with a smirk on her face as she pulled a roll of duct tape out of her back pack. She pulled a length of it from the roll, causing a characteristic rip sound, as she brandished the tape for the Ed's to see.
At this point, several students who were making their way to class stopped to see what all of the commotion was about; of course the main reason being to laugh and poke fun at the Ed's misfortune.
Eddy's expression of annoyance suddenly disappeared and was replaced by an expression of fear that his two friends have been displaying for the last few minutes.
"Run boys," said Eddy quietly.
At the conclusion of Eddy's statement, all three Ed boys attempted to run in separate directions, the idea being to escape the girl's vicious onslaught. Needless to say, their attempt had ended in failure, as the girls captured the Ed's and dragged them over to one of the schools support beams. It didn't take long for the girls to finish wrapping tens of feet of duct tape around the pole, firmly securing each of the boys to it by their chests and ankles.
"Now it's time for some artwork!" yelled May as she removed three tubes of lipstick from her pocket, passing two of the tubes to her sisters.
The girls spent the next few minutes giggling as they lifted each of their Ed's shirts. Each girl proceeded to use their lip stick to draw a large heart on the abdomen of their respective man. The writing contained within the heart was different for each boy: for Eddy, the words "Eddy + Lee" were inscribed in the heart: for Double Dee the words "Edd + Marie Forever!" occupied the space inside his heart: for Ed, "Ed loves May!" were the words of choice.
The three girls stepped back from the boys to admire their artwork as they giggled maliciously.
"Lookin good boys!" yelled Marie.
"How cute, they're showing their love for us!" said May.
"Time for the finishing touch!" yelled Lee.
Lee motioned for her sisters to walk over towards the trapped Ed's. Each girl took their place next to their respective boy and grabbed a hold of the belt loops of their blue jeans.
"Ready girls?" said Lee with an evil grin on her face, "One….Two….Three!"
At the count off three, all three girls yanked the boy's pants down to their ankles, leaving them standing out in the open in only their boxer shorts. The girls mocked the Ed's by laughing maniacally, as did many of the students who had stopped to watch the events unfold. Eddy was furious and ground his teeth, while Ed seemed completely indifferent to what was happening, displaying his usual dopey smile. Double Dee on the other hand was extremely embarrassed at the predicament he was faced with and was blushing accordingly.
After a few minutes of laughing, the sisters had finally decided that it was time to leave.
"Sorry we can't stick around boys, but we'll see ya Friday night!" said Lee as she blew a kiss to Eddy.
"Call me sometime Ed!" yelled May
"See ya later cutie!" said Marie as she smiled at Double Dee and picked up her backpack.
The three girls began making their way down the hallway, cachinnating like a trio of malevolent demons while leaving the Ed's to deal with their sticky situation.
"Stupid Kankers!" yelled Eddy as he vigorously tried to free himself from the confines of his duct tape prison, "Why do they always have to show up and ruin everything!"
"Please tell me that I am not standing here with my undergarments voluntarily exposed to the public!" yelled Double Dee as he tried with all of his might to rip his way out of the duct tape.
"My legs feel all breezy guys!" yelled Ed in a dopey voice.
"Ed you idiot!" yelled Eddy, "Why don't ya stop enjoyin yourself and use that strength ya have to rip us outta this, we ain't got all day!"
"You got it Eddy!" yelled Ed as he attempted to wriggle his way out the duct tape. After a few seconds of attempting to free himself, it was apparent that even the mighty Ed could not assist his friends.
"Awww Eddy, it's too tight!" yelled Ed.
"Damn it!" yelled Eddy.
"I can only hope that a good Samaritan will happen to pass us by and take time out of their schedule to assist us. Just think of the…
Double Dee was cut off by Eddy.
"Shhsh, someone's comin" said Eddy.
Sure enough the sound of footsteps could be heard around the corner of the hallway junction, drawing nearer with every step. As the footsteps grew louder, so did the sound of high-pitched male voice, singing softly in a foreign language.
Rolf soon emerged from the cross hallway, carrying an old style typewriter in his hands as he sang a Norwegian ballad using the joik vocal style.
"Hey look it's Rolf!" yelled Ed.
"Hey Rolfy boy!" yelled Eddy.
"Assistance please!" yelled Double Dee.
Rolf's concentration was broken away from his singing as he turned his attention towards the support beam that the Ed's were taped to. He began walking towards his friends.
"Ed boys!" yelled Rolf, "What is the meaning of this tom foolery?"
"We apologize for disrupting your walk to class Rolf," said Double Dee, "But it seems that a violent encounter with the Kanker sisters has left us in this awkward predicament."
Rolf stared at the Ed's confused for a few moments. He glanced at the hearts drawn on the Eds exposed abdomens, as well as the fact that their jeans had been dropped to their ankles.
"Ho ho!" said Rolf with a smile on his face, "The Kanker girls wish to take you as their…. How do you say?...lovers yes!"
Rolf giggled at his own joke, annoying Eddy who was currently on his last nerve.
"Whatever!" yelled Eddy, "Can ya get us outta here!"
Rolf placed his typewriter on the ground and began walking towards the Ed's. He reached into his pocket for his "Urban Rangers" pocket knife.
"Have no fear small fry Ed boy," said Rolf as he unfolded the blade from his knife, "For Rolf has experience removing the ropes from hogtied swine."
Rolf quickly and effortlessly sawed through the duct tape using his pocket knife, at which point all three Ed's were free.
"Rolf does not lie yes!" said Rolf as he put the knife away.
The boys quickly pulled their shirts down and their trousers up.
"Thanks Rolfy boy," said Eddy, "I owe ya one pal!"
"Yes Rolf," said Double Dee, "Your assistance was most appreciated."
"I will be thanking you head-full-of-brains Ed boy," said Rolf, "For your bizarre shenanigans had allowed Rolf to earn the Duct Tape Removal badge!"
The Ed's stared at Rolf relatively confused as he picked up his type writer and began walking down the hallway.
"Rolf would love to stay and spin the yarns, but I must be onward!" yelled Rolf, "Good day to you Ed boys!"
As quickly as he came, Rolf was on his way down the hallway to his destination. He disappeared around the corner, at which point all three Ed's began picking up their book bags to begin their trip to class.
"Well, it seems that fortune really was shining its light on us!" said Double Dee as he adjusted his shirt, "If it weren't for Rolf's sudden appearance, we could have been trapped for who knows how long. And to make matters worse, we could have been late to first period class."
"Way to point out the obvious Sock Head!" yelled Eddy as he dusted his shirt off, "What's with those Kankers anyway!"
"As much as I hate to admit it," said Double Dee, "I have a feeling that we will never be able to rid ourselves of those girls."
"Whatever," said Eddy, "I ain't letting them get to me. C'mon boys let's get to class. I'm really not in the mood for a detention."
Ed and Eddy began walking down the hallway, turning the corner at the junction. Double Dee was sure to brush any remaining residue of the duct tape off of his shirt before placing his blue single-strapped carrying bag on his shoulder. With a quick adjustment of his tie, he began running to catch up to his two best friends.
Double Dees burst of speed was quickly brought to a halt, as he had managed to trip over an object and fall to the floor. Double Dee quickly stood up and glanced downward, attempting to determine what had caused him to trip. Upon looking down towards the floor, he discovered what appeared to be some sort of a notebook. The book was black, and had various stickers of skulls and tear drops on its cover. Double Dee reached down to pick up the notebook for being the kind hearted person he was, he couldn't bear to think that someone could be roaming the halls of the school searching desperately for their lost notebook.
His eyes searched the front cover for a clue of who the book could possibly belong to. Needless to say, he immediately found his answer, although it was quite the unwelcome one. At the bottom of the front cover were two words, a first and last name, written in red ink:
Marie Kanker
Double Dee was speechless, as he had never expected to accidentally discover a lost belonging of one of the Kanker sisters, especially the sister that had spent the most time targeting him. He could not just purposely leave the book on the ground out of ignorance, as it was not within his heart to intentionally sabotage anyone, even Marie. Double Dee's heart wrestled with his mind; ultimately his heart won.
"Curse my good natured ways," said Double Dee to himself as he slid the notebook into his backpack, with the intent of delivering it to Marie at a later time. He closed the flap to his bag, and ran down the hallway in an attempt to catch his friends.