Chapter 31
Yet another Saturday morning had hit the Peach Creek cul-de-sac, and it was a beautiful one. It was 9:00 a.m. and Double Dee had been up for a few hours, performing tasks that were left on sticky notes for him. It wasn't even fifteen minutes after he started working when he heard a series of loud bangs on his front door.
Double Dee ran downstairs to see what all of the commotion was, although he had a pretty good idea of who was responsible. Of course, he opened the door to find Ed and Eddy standing in front of him. They were both wearing hockey pads and both had pairs of inline skates with the laces ties together hanging over their shoulders. Eddy was holding another set of skates in his left hand, while his right hand grasped a hockey stick. Double Dee had realized that the loud noise he had heard while upstairs was Eddy pounding his door with the hockey stick.
"Mornin sock head, how are things goin for ya?" asked Eddy, smiling.
Double Dee turned his head around to look at his front door. There was already a dent in it from the previous summer when Eddy had used a metal shovel as a door knocker. He wanted to be sure that there was no further damage to the door.
"Eddy, may I ask why you once again decided to pound on my door with a large blunt object?" asked Double Dee.
"Geez Double Dee, what do you think we would do, it's not like there is a magic button that will sound a soothing chime to alert you that we are at the door." replied Ed in his dimwitted voice.
"Lumpy's got a point." said Eddy as he laughed.
"I am surrounded by idiots." mumbled Double Dee.
"Double Dee, change into something you don't care about, cause we got a hockey game goin' on at the playground." said Eddy.
"Eddy, you know I don't much care for team sports." said Double Dee as he groaned, "And besides, I don't own any of the equipment needed to participate in this endeavor!"
"No problem Double Dee," said Eddy, "I have an extra pair. They were my idiot brothers when he was a kid."
"Thank you Eddy, but I'd rather go inside and…"
Double Dee could not finish his sentence as Ed had taken the liberty to pick him up over his shoulder and begin carrying him toward the playground.
"Come on mister. Let's go get you a potato." said Ed as Eddy laughed.
Double Dee sighed as he was being carried away by Ed with Eddy walking beside him.
"That's the spirit Double Dee!" yelled Eddy as the three boys walked toward the hockey rink.
The hockey rink was quite large, about 50 feet long. There were no goal nets installed in the ring; Eddy and Kevin had taken metal trash cans from their yards and had used them as goals. Kevin and Rolf were currently in the rink with all of their equipment. Nazz, Sarah and Jimmy were also present, with Nazz painting Sarah's nails while they sat on the jungle gym.
Kevin once again demonstrated his athletic prowess, skating quickly around the rink with the ball and performing slap shots into the trash can, causing an audible metal thud every time he did so. Rolf however was a completely different story. As much as he tried, he could barely stay up on his skates without falling over. He eventually became frustrated.
"Poppycock!" he yelled, "Rolfs keester grows tender. I demand of you the secret to using these bizarre contraptions."
Jimmy, hearing of Rolf's problem, ran over to the hockey rink to assist.
"Well first of all Rolf, you're shoe laces are far too loose." said Jimmy in his usual high pitched voice. "Dangling shoelaces, in addition to being a fashion no-no, can cause you to trip and cause nasty and unsightly scratches. Allow me to fix you up."
Jimmy quickly untied Rolf's skates and adjusted them so that the laces were tighter as Kevin stood watching him do so.
"Now that your skates are prepared, let's try moving shall we?" said Jimmy, "First, you need to use this foot to push your other skate forward."
"Hey Rolf, if I were you, I would let me do all of the teaching." said Kevin. "When have you ever seen Jimmy play any kind of sport!"
Kevin began laughing.
"I mean look at his puny arms!" yelled Kevin
. Jimmy began appearing as if he was going to cry. Sarah and Nazz took notice.
"Hey Kev, lay off him man!" yelled Nazz as Sarah ran over to Jimmy.
"Relax babe, I'm just playin' with him." said Kevin as he was holding back a chuckle.
Sarah had made her way over to Jimmy and had her arm around his shoulder.
"It's okay Jimmy," said Sarah, "Who needs rough sports anyway?"
"No!" yelled Jimmy as he began walking out of the park, "I have been humiliated for the last time, I'll show all of you!"
"Jimmy wait!" yelled Sarah as she ran after Jimmy. Jimmy ran around the corner and disappeared, after which the Ed's appeared from around the fence, taking notice of Jimmy and Sarah running away.
"What's with the squirts running away?" asked Eddy.
"Nothing I just made a little joke about Jimmy and he freaked out." said Kevin, "He of all people was trying to teach Rolf how to skate."
Kevin and Eddy busted out laughing. Their laughing was interrupted by Rolf who was laughing as if having fun. He was now skating around the rink with no problem, as the rest of the boys watched in awe.
"Look at me, I have finally mastered the art of the wheeled sneaker!" yelled Rolf.
"I'll chalk that up to hard work and practice." said Kevin, "Now let's go, I've been waiting forever."
"Alright," said Eddy as he put on goalie pads, "Since there's only five of us, I'll be steady goalie. You guys won't get nothin' through me." said Eddy as he grinned
"Dream on dork!" yelled Kevin, "Alright, so it's me and Rolf against Ed and Double Dee."
"Come on Double Dee get your skates on!" yelled Ed as he threw Double Dee on the bench and tore his shoes off.
"Okay mister, now bend your foot." said Ed as he shoved the skates onto Double Dees feet.
Double Dee was now in roller skates and as ready as he ever would be to play hockey.
"Ed, I don't believe I'm sure I want to do this." said Double Dee.
"FORE!" Ed shouted, confused at which sport he was playing, as he shoved Double Dee out onto the rink with a hockey stick. Double Dee could barely hold himself up on skates, and rolled for a little ways before coasting to a stop in the middle of the rink, sweating out of pure nervousness.
Before he knew it, the ball was in play. Kevin hit the ball away with his stick, sending it directly into Double Dees possession. Double Dee watched helplessly as Kevin and Rolf charged him; with a single body check, the ball was now in Kevin's possession, and Double Dee was flat on the ground. As Double Dee recovered, he looked up to see Kevin about to make a slap shot at Eddy. Kevin hit the ball, only for it to be caught by Eddy in his glove.
"I told ya I'm an impedible fortress!" said Eddy as he laughed.
"I believe you mean impenetrable Eddy!" yelled Double Dee as he attempted to get back up.
"Let me have a go!" yelled a familiar voice.
The group of boys turned around to see Jimmy once again. He was dressed in hockey clothes and wearing a hockey mask. In his right hand, he carried a red hockey stick.
Kevin and Eddy laughed at Jimmy once again.
"Are you saying you want to challenge us to a game of hockey?" yelled Kevin.
"Just pass the ball…dork!" said Jimmy.
Kevin was stunned at hearing his own word directed at him coming out of Jimmy's mouth.
"Jimmy!" yelled Sarah, "You don't have to prove anything to these losers!"
"I can handle this girlfriend." said Jimmy, "Just trust me, I'll give these jerks the old one two buckle my shoe."
The rest of the boys began laughing even harder.
"Alright man, I warned ya." said Kevin as he passed the ball to Jimmy.
As soon as Jimmy received the ball, he began skating towards the goal Eddy was guarding, handling the ball like the pros do. Kevin was quick to get in front of him and try to steal the ball. Jimmy performed a slide maneuver with his skates and easily dodged Kevin's assault, stunning the young athlete.
Double Dee had just gotten to his feet and to his misfortune happened to be right in front of Jimmy when he did. Jimmy took this as a threat to his offense, and in a split second, Double Dee was once again body checked to the ground.
"No way." yelled Eddy as he watched Jimmy approach. Before he knew it, Jimmy was directly in front of him, about to perform a slap shot. Jimmy's stance intimidated Eddy, to the point that Eddy stepped out of the way and allowed Jimmy full access to the goal.
All of the boys were absolutely stunned at the athletic prowess that Jimmy had just displayed. They could not believe that he had just bested Kevin, the self-proclaimed best athlete in Peach Creek. Jimmy skated back over to Sarah. Kevin and Eddy were furious that they were just bested by Jimmy.
"Jimmy that was amazing!" yelled Sarah as she hugged her friend, "You really showed them."
"All in a days work!" said Jimmy while he smiled.
It was around noon when the boys had finally tired of playing hockey. The Ed's were on their way back to the cul-de-sac, conversing about their day.
"Who would have known that Jimmy's dad forced him to play hockey for the junior league, I thought the kid was a pansy." said an irritated Eddy.
"You know what they say Eddy," said Ed, "Don't judge a cover by it's book."
"I believe the proverb is 'don't judge a book by its cover', Ed." said Double Dee as he held his back and wretched in pain. "Jimmy's surprising demonstration of athletic prowess has left me with contusions that will last for days!"
"Relax sock-head, I've got a heating pad at home. Or better yet, why don't we just get Marie, to come over and kiss your boo boos." said Eddy in a baby talk voice as he folded his hands to his face as if making fun of Double Dee.
Ed and Eddy laughed as Double Dee began to drift off into a daydream about Marie at the sound of her name. His dream was interrupted when he felt Eddy's hand slap his back, causing a wave of pain from the bruises that were already present.
"Ah we're just yankin ya Sockhead," said Eddy, "You're still goin over to her house tonight right."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world." said Double Dee smiling.
As the boys reached the inlet to the cul-de-sac, they heard a pair of familiar voices yell from across the street.
"HIYA BOYS!" said the voices of Lee and May Kanker as they crossed the street carrying bags of what appeared to be groceries.
"Kankers." said Eddy under his breath.
"Uh oh May, it looks like our manly men have been playing some hockey." said Lee.
Eddy groaned in an annoyed manner while the two sisters shared a laugh.
"Hey Double Dee!" said May, "Marie is out with our mom today, but she told us to tell you she can't wait to see you tonight at the trailer."
"Hello May," said Double Dee, after which he looked into Lees eyes, "Hello Lee, I am especially looking forward to seeing her as well." he said nervously .
May walked over to Ed and leaned into his face. Ed was petrified.
"You're welcome to join us too, Big Ed!" said May as she smiled up at Ed's face. Ed winced back away from her.
"Alright May, get a hold of yourself," said Lee,
"It's bad enough I got one of ya in love I don't need you goin all soft on me too." said Lee jokingly as she pulled May away from the boys.
"See ya later boys!" said Lee as she walked away, "And Double Dee your woman will be waiting for you, so don't be late!"
Lee and May walked away, giggling with each other as Double Dee smiled. The other two Ed's stood shocked. Eddy or Ed could not believe that they had just had an encounter with two Kanker sisters without ending up covered in lipstick or being beat up in some manner.
Eddy began to wonder if it was all that bad that Double Dee had intimate connections with the Kanker sisters. It could save him and Ed a deal of grief from the other two sisters. He began to wrestle with the advantages of having the sisters on their side; Double Dee could call on them to remove pests such as Sarah or Johnny 2x4 quite easily, as the intimidating prescience of the sisters was enough to cause most of the neighborhood to scatter.
Although there were many advantages, Eddy knew that he and Ed were still targets of the other Kanker sisters, as Lee had demonstrated the previous night when she infiltrated his room. With these realizations, the fact that Double Dee hasn't had time to spend with him, and other personal reasons, Eddy decided that he would have to take matters into his own hands, and form a plan of his own to break Marie and Double Dee apart.
"Eddy," called Double Dee, breaking him away from his thoughts, "I'm going to go lie down, the pain is excruciating."
"Alright Sock Head." said Eddy, "I guess we won't see you for the rest of the night then. Me and Ed are going to his place to play video games. I'll catch ya later." said Eddy
"Farewell gentleman, have fun." said Double Dee as he walked up the path to his house.
As Double Dee showered and relaxed his back, Eddy and Ed were once again in his basement playing video games. Ed's room was unusually tidy, due to his mother forcing him to clean it the day before; it was only a matter of hours before it would be reduced to its usual messy state once again.
Ed was lying on the floor, holding his game controller focused on the TV, as Eddy paced back and forth across the floor.
"Its insanity." said Eddy, as he paced across the floor, "The Kanker sisters are no good!"
Ed was so in tune to the video game he was playing that he was not listening to anything Eddy was saying.
"We gotta do somethin' about this, for our friend!" yelled Eddy, "But what?"
Eddy stood still and thought for a few minutes.
"We're just gonna have to pay him a little visit tonight when he gets home to dig up some dirt." said Eddy as he grinned.
"Sound like a plan Ed?" asked Eddy.
The game had ended and Ed had broken out of his trance only to hear 'Sound like a plan Ed.' Ed, being the absentminded adolescent he was and having no idea what was going on, unwittingly agreed to take part in Eddy's charade.
"Your wish is my wisdom tooth Eddy!" yelled Ed as he started a new game, once again entering his video game trance.
"Perfect." said Eddy as he grinned.