Chapter 38

The afternoon weather was much more tolerable than the weather that the students had to face on the way into school that morning. The sky was a beautiful blue color, and the weather was around 50º F and was slightly warm for the time of the year. Nevertheless it was welcomed whole heartedly by all of the kids of Peach Creek, who had just been dismissed by the afternoon bell.

Ed, Edd and Eddy were currently walking out of the school building.

"I hate that Ms. Volin and her pop quizzes!" yelled Eddy, who was holding an English quiz consisting of 5 multiple choice questions. The paper was filled with red pen marks and had a large 0 written near his name in red ink.

"My word Eddy, is blaming the teacher really the answer?" said Double Dee as he placed his quiz, with a 100 near his name, into his book bag "I highly doubt that you had even taken the time to read the material. I am sure that if you gave these wonderful works of literature a chance, you would perform much better on your assessments."

Eddy looked on annoyingly as Double Dee continued his soliloquy.

"I mean think of the wonderful and joyous lessons novels such as Of Mice and Men offer. Literature is the perfect way for one to become in tune to their own imagination, as well as analyze and reflect on their own lives."

"Yeah right," said Eddy, "What kind of lesson are you going to learn from a guy that wants to do nothing but 'tend the rabbits'" Eddy made his voice into a dopey sounding voice as he said 'tend the rabbits."

"Oh Eddy, your totally missing it!" said Ed.

"Like you know Ed." said Eddy.

"George and Lenny are in more than just a partnership that will hopefully lead them to wealth and good fortune. They are true friends, and share an unconditional love for each other. That is really what is to be learned from this story, to always treat your friends in a wholehearted manner, and to never let them down." said Ed in his usually dopey sounding voice. However the words rolled off his tongue so easily that no one had thought that Ed had just spoken.

Double Dee and Eddy stood shocked at Ed's sudden spike in brain power.

"Ed, is that you in there?" asked Eddy as he waved his hands in front of Ed's eyes.

"Ed, that was amazing!" yelled Double Dee, "I had no idea that you had such an interest in critically analyzing literary prose!"

Double Dee reached for Ed's quiz, taking it out of his hand.

"You must have received an impeccable score as well!" said an excited Double Dee.

Double Dee looked at the test paper, and was appalled that Ed's test had a large 0 written at the top of it as well. All of the answers he had written were quotes from Star Wars and old monster movies. Eddy walked over to Double Dee and glanced at the test himself.

"Well that was some stroke of luck wasn't it?" said a surprised Eddy.

"But how could this possibly be?" asked Double Dee, "Ed you gave an extraordinary rebuttal to Eddy's statement, yet you didn't even try to answer any of these questions correctly on the test."

"Buttered toast!" said Ed as he adorned his dopey smile that he was well known for.

"Curse Ed's spontaneous displays of genius." said Double Dee under his breath.

Just then, May and Lee Kanker had exited the front doors of the school. May was carrying her pink single strap book bag once again, while Lee carried a double strapped leather back pack that looked as though it had seen better days. The girls took notice of the Eds.

"Hiya boys!" they yelled as the waved and continued walking past them.

Double Dee was the only one of the Ed's to respond.

"Greeting ladies!" said an enthusiastic Double Dee,

"Greetings ladies!" repeated Eddy under his breath while groaning. He could not believe that Double Dee had just given the Kankers enough respect to call them ladies.

"I hope you're ready to see Marie tonight Double Dee!" yelled May as she continued walking, "She sure is excited to see you!"

"Yeah," said Lee as she smiled, exposing her capped tooth, "She wouldn't shut up about ya for the who five minutes before she had to go this mornin'!"

"I absolutely cannot wait to see her as well!" said Double Dee.

"I won't be there tonight!" said Lee, "Or else I'd invite Eddy over so he could have a little snuggle time!"

Lee and May laughed, as Eddy groaned.

"Alright then, see ya tonight Double Dee!" yelled May as her and her sister began walking down the street towards Peach Creek estates.

"Alright boys, let's get movin!" yelled Eddy, "Double Dee's gotta help us with our essays before he goes to Maries so that we don't fail the semester."

Eddy began leading the boys out of the school grounds, when they heard the familiar sound of a loud diesel engine pull up alongside them. The boys turned to see a large red tractor, it's large drive wheels were at least 6 feet in diameter. The tractor was pulling a trailer that was guarded by railings and contained seats made of bales of hay, not unlike those on Halloween hayrides. The boys looked up to see Rolf sitting behind the steering wheel.

"Hello Ed boys!" yelled Rolf, "Rolf is very grateful, for the Double Dee Ed boy has allowed him to grasp the nuances of the simple English!"

Rolf held his graded essay down to Double Dee so that he could see the improvement. Apparently, Rolf had still been confused as to what to do with the paper, even though Double Dee had practically rewritten it for him. Nevertheless, his grade had gone from an F to D which made Rolf extremely proud.

"Ed boys, please come with Rolf." said Rolf as he waved his hand towards them, "With great thanks, Rolf would like you to join him on his trek back to the cul-de-sac."

The boys stood confused.

"Please, come, hop in Ed boys! We must be onward. Nana will be so proud of this son of a shepherd!" yelled Rolf over the diesel engine.

"You heard the man!" said Eddy smiling, "Let's go!"

"Let's go on a hayride Double Dee!" yelled Ed as he jumped into the trailer, promptly burying himself under the hay while laughing .

Double Dee sighed as he reluctantly jumped into the trailer with Ed and Eddy .

Rolf pulled the tractor out of the school grounds, and to the boy's surprise, began driving the farming vehicle down the middle of Market Street, the main business avenue of Peach Creek. Rolf was only traveling at a rate of around 10 mph, and motorists were showing their aggravation with Rolf. While several cars behind him beeped at his slow driving, Rolf was humming folk songs from his native country while steadying the tractors steering.

The thick exhaust from the tractor was traveling back into the trailer and practically choking the boys.

"Rolf's tractor obviously does not conform to modern motor vehicle emission standards." said Double Dee while trying to hold back a cough. "And I can only hope that the authorities don't take notice of us as I don't believe tractors such as this are street legal."

Just then, the traffic signal in front of them deactivated its bottom green light, and activated it's centrally mounted yellow light. Rolf was around 20 feet away from the intersection and there was no possible way that he was going to make it through the light before it turned red. Double Dee took notice that the tractor wasn't slowing down.

"Rolf, Rolf….ROLF!" yelled Double Dee. Rolf didn't hear his friend's cries and careened the tractor through the red light. Thankfully, the drivers on the cross street had been able to stop to avoid a collision; they were however extremely aggravated, and all beeped their horns at Rolf's blunder, although he paid absolutely no mind and continued humming his folk song.

"Apparently, the rules of the road don't cross cultural boundaries either!" yelled an extremely distressed Double Dee

"Forget about that." said an annoyed Eddy, "Rolf's driving slower than my grandma! We would have done better walking!"

Eddy got up and walked to the front of the trailer and leaned forward attempting to get as close to Rolf as possible.

"Hey Rolf!" yelled Eddy, his voice overpowering the sound of the engine. "Can't you make this thing go any faster!"

"Sorry loudmouth Ed boy." said Rolf, "Rolf can only exceed the speed of the goats gait on only two simple conditions.

" Eddy groaned. Suddenly, Kevin pulled up alongside the tractor in the bike lane, with Nazz sitting behind him on the banana seat. Nazz had forgiven Kevin for his little mishap, and was gladly conversing with him on their ride home.

"Yo boys!" yelled Kevin, "Goin on a hayride?"

Kevin laughed as the boys exchanged hellos.

"Hey Rolf man, you wanna race that thing against my ride?" said Kevin grinning.

At this point, the boys were at the final intersection before they reached the cul-de-sac. Rolf had been longing for a race for a few days now, and couldn't pass up the opportunity.

"Very well Kevin we shall race." said Rolf.

Before the boys knew it, the tractor's engine suddenly revved to high speed and they found themselves traveling at an excess of 25 mph. The trailer bounced around on the asphalt. The tractor easily outran Kevin on his bike, and reached the inlet of the cul-de-sac. Rolf bypassed the inlet and opted to drive the tractor into the lane so that he could park it in his yard, but not before letting the Ed's off at the end of the cul-de-sac.

"Geez, why couldn't Kevin show up earlier!" said Eddy as the boys walked to his house, "Now that's how you're supposed to drive!" yelled an excited Eddy.

"Are you insane Eddy!" yelled a shaken up Double Dee, "We could have been killed!"

"Ah whatever Sock Head. Come on let's go to my place so we can work on our papers before you have to go to your girls house." said Eddy.

Double Dee sighed as he ran after his two friends, following them to Eddy's house so that they could work on their papers.

The trek home was much different for the red and blonde haired Kanker girls, who had to walk the whole way home. After spending their walk conversing and making jokes with each other, the girls had finally reached their trailer. They expected Marie to be home, as well as their mother who would be showering to prepare for her evening shift with Lee.

The two girls walked up to the trailer door and opened it to find Marie lying on the couch with her arms behind her head watching television. The sound of water running through the pipes concealed by the suspended ceiling indicated that their mother was already in the shower.

Both Kanker girls dropped their backpacks. May kicked her shoes off and walked out into the kitchen to grab a can of soda.

"Yo lazy bitch, how was your day?" asked Lee playfully as she walked over to the couch. Marie pulled her feet up to give her sister a place to sit.

"Same old, same old bubble ass" replied Marie, "How was school?" "

Boring, as usual." said Lee as she sat down, "YO MAY! Get me a soda too!"

May returned into the living room with two cans of soda, giving one of them to her older sister.

"I guess ya really missed your man today Marie?" asked Lee as she opened her soda, causing the characteristic hiss and snap of a soda can.

"You don't even know Lee." said Marie in a dreamy voice.

"Speaking of Double Dee, I talked to him in history class!" yelled May.

"Really." said Marie as her eyes lit up, "What did he say?"

May paused for a few seconds before continuing.

"Well, he said that he's gonna dump you and start dating me because he found me so irresistible!" said May with a grin on her face.

Lee and May laughed hysterically as Marie punched her sister in the arm playfully. May continued.

"Relax Marie, I would never try to steal your man!" said May, "But we really did talk, I asked him about the family night at the ice rink and he said that you already told him about it."

"Yeah, I told him last night," said Marie, "He was so cute, I love it when he gets that sexy nervous smile when I ask him certain things."

All three girls giggled.

"Alright enough small talk," said Lee grinning, "Let's get to the juicy details, what did ya do last night with him?"

Marie explained her night with Double Dee to May, including their kiss in the rain, as well as their beautiful slow dance at the end of the night. A few seconds later, Tabitha began descending the stairs. She was wearing a pair of jeans that especially showed off her rather large waist to hip ratio as well as her unusually large buttocks. She was wearing a strapless blouse that showed off her tattoos and her red curly hair was hanging down to her shoulders. Her hair appeared silky smooth due to her adding moisturizer to it. Lastly, she was wearing the high heeled boots that Marie had used to attract Double Dees attention to her hip sway a few nights ago. She looked like a slightly larger and older version of Lee, as her eyes were shaped just like Marie and Lees. In fact, if Lee grew her hair out to her shoulders, and pushed it out of her eyes, she would be the spitting image of Tabby.

Tabby bid her middle and youngest daughter farewell and left the trailer with Lee to begin their trek to the restaurant. May walked over to the television and switched the channel, eventually putting on Action News as there was nothing else on. May returned to the couch and turned to her older sister.

"So wait, he actually slow danced with you around his living room?" asked an excited May.

"May, you don't even know," said Marie smiling, "It was the most romantic thing,

"That's so cute!" said May. "I know," said Marie, "I felt like I was going to melt right there in his arms!"

The two girls giggled before May sighed and continued.

"I wish my Big Ed would do something romantic like that for me." said May as she looked down towards the floor. Marie thought about Mays statement for a few seconds. She had decided to ask a question she had been curious about for awhile.

"Hey May," said Marie, "What exactly made you girls go after the Ed's anyway?"

Marie and May paused, Marie decided to add a little more detail to her question.

"I mean, I already told you that I started falling for Double Dee after seeing that he was such a nice guy, and even though I thought he was insanely cute the first time I laid eyes on him, that wasn't the only reason I liked him." said Marie.

"Well, they were the only boys in the neighborhood," said May still looking away from her sister, "And you know how Lee gets whenever there a boy around."

"Ah cut the crap May," said Marie, "What about Kevin, Rolf, or that weird kid that carries that piece of wood around."

May sat silent.

"What really attracted you to Ed?" asked Marie. May blushed. "Well…because he's Ed!" said May "What do you mean, you just thought he was cute or something?" said Marie.

May looked into her sisters eyes. "Well duh, I think he's the hottest man on two feet!" yelled May in her nasally obnoxious voice.

May paused and blushed once again before continuing.

"But I sort of started to like him best out of all of the boys for a different reason." said May. Marie was intrigued by May's statements

"What do you mean May?" asked Marie.

"Well, see it's weird," said May, "But I always felt like he was just like me."

Marie's eyes widened as she made a sudden realization. Up until this point she thought that she was the only one who was deviant from the train of thought that was supposedly shared by all three Kanker sisters.

"Wait, what?" asked Marie curious about the matter.

"Well" said May, embarrassed, "See, I'll admit that I'm not really a person who likes all that brainy stuff Marie. And I'll also admit that Ed isn't so that kind of person either so it makes us the same. But he is such a nice guy, and he's a friend to anyone, that's what I like about him."

Marie could not believe her ears. Her suspicions were confirmed, she was not the only one of her sisters who truly liked the guy she chased after for who he was and not just for attention or to get a kiss.

"He never judges anyone, and he accepts anyone with open arms as his friend, even if they're complete strangers." said May.

May then paused as tears began streaming down her face.

"Everyone except me, he hates me!" yelled May as she buried her eyes into her hands.

Marie moved closer to May and placed her arms around hr in an embrace. May leaned in and began crying on her sister's shoulder.

"May, I really don't think that Ed hates you." said Marie, "I think he's just afraid of you, just like Double Dee was with me at first!"

Mays puffy blue eyes looked up into her sisters green eyes. "But after all the things I did to him, he'll never forgive me!" yelled May as she began crying again.

"Hey!" said Marie as she repositioned her sisters face so that she was looking into her eyes. "Come on tell the truth, did you ever imagine Double Dee actually coming over here willingly to see me?"

May shook her head from side to side as if saying no.

"So what makes you think that Ed is any different?" asked Marie, "Your right, he does take everyone as his friend, and is a nice guy. So if that's the case, I think if you showed him the real May Kanker-Lonergan, he would be able to see past everything and welcome you with open arms."

May sobbed for a second before smiling.

"You really think so Marie?" asked May.

"I know so," said Marie smiling, "Trust me, these Ed's are suckers for bad girls with big hearts!" said Marie cracking a joke attempting to lighten May's spirits.

May couldn't help but chuckle at her sisters joke. Her face soon became melancholy once again.

"What's the matter May?" asked Marie as she put her hand on her sisters shoulder.

"He won't even give me a chance." said May before she started crying, "Look at these teeth, I'm ugly as sin!"

"May, I would trade this screwed up eye any day for your teeth!" said Marie, "And whoever said you were ugly?"

"All of the girls back in the city, remember that day they held me down and shoved the log into my mouth and forced me to chew on it while they called me Bucky Beaver." said May crying heavily.

"Screw them all May," said Marie, "they weren't worth our time and they certainly aren't worth thinking about now!"

Marie could not help feeling Double Dees wonderful personality rubbing off on her. In addition to picking up his complicated speech patterns, she was picking up his uncanny ability to make others feel better. She could clearly see that her sister was in distress, and that she needed someone to confide in. After all, May had helped Marie throughout her relationship with Double Dee many times, so it was only right for her to be there to help her sister at this moment.

"I know it's hard to break the habit and show your true self May." said Marie, "Between mom and Lee feeding us that garbage about men being no good and to just hop from one guy to the next, we really had no other view of life."

Marie paused.

"Although Lee did fill our heads with the wrong ideas about men, I can't really blame her. She should have really gotten psychiatric help for the torment that she suffered as a child. She was taught from a young age that doing things like that was right, and it makes me sick to think that that happened to her." said Marie.

Marie put her arms around her sister and gave her a hug once more. May's mood seemed to be lifted slightly as her tears were no longer running from her eyes. She smiled.

"As for Lee," said May, "I think she just chose Eddy because he was the only one left, hell I think she'd chase after the biker and the foreign guy too if she had the chance."

Marie laughed.

"She did," said Marie, "Remember when she caught Kevin and had him strapped to the wheel in the junkyard? We had to stand there and watch her spin him around acting he was on a game show, playing along as if we wanted to eventually kiss him."

"Oh yeah, now I do!" said May.

"The best part was when our men came and scared us away!" yelled Marie laughing.

"I didn't even know that was Ed until I was halfway out of the junkyard!" said May laughing, "We could have caught them and got ourselves free kisses!"

Both girls giggled.

"You know what scares me May." said Marie.

"What?" asked May.

"If Lee had had enough guts to do that with Eddy's brother, how many other guys did she attempt to get herself involved with?" asked a saddened Marie.

"I wish we could help her out." said May, "And stop her from doing that."

"She really needs to talk to someone." said Marie, "Mom never even paid it no mind, and even though she was pissed at Dennis, spit in his face, and threw him out after that, she never tried to talk to Lee about it."

Marie paused.

"And she said that Daddy sat her down and tried to talk to her about it, but she couldn't bring herself to." said Marie. "Lee is a smart and clever girl, she just has so much anger inside of her and frustration from that freakin' creep doing that to her. She could really be a good person if she had the chance."

The two girls sat in silence for a few seconds watching television. Marie got an idea and broke the silence.

"Come on upstairs, we got work to do." said Marie, as she got off of the couch and grabbed her little sisters hand.

"What do you mean?" asked May

"I'm gonna give you a makeover, a real one this time, not like that one we did as a prank last summer, what do ya say?" asked Marie as she smiled at her sister. She glanced down at her hand and saw May's red fingernails grip her hand back. May stood up off of the couch.

"But Double Dee's coming over tonight isn't he?" asked May.

"Yeah, he's coming over at seven, we have enough time to do it." said Marie.

The two girls headed upstairs into the bedroom. "When we're done, you will feel awesome, and Big Ed is gonna be begging you to be his girlfriend." Marie said playfully as May smiled.

"Okay," said May, "You can make me over, but I get to do your hair and pick out your clothes for Double Dee tonight okay?"

"Deal!" said Marie, "We'll do each other." She slapped her sister five.

The two girls stared at each other contemplating their hands slapping each other, before they both figured out a more sisterly way of showing their gratitude toward each other. Marie held out her arms and embraced her little sister, who in turn embraced her back.

"I love ya May." said Marie to her little sister.

"Love ya too sis." said May as she smiled, "Come on, we can't spend too much time on me, you gotta look nice for Double Dee!" said May playfully.

The girls spent the next few hours styling each other's hair, picking out clothes, and applying makeup, as Marie talked about Double Dee and how excited she was to see him. In turn the girls discussed ways that May would be able to break the ice with her Ed and talk to him on good terms.

Marie could still not believe that May had just admitted that she harbored personal feeling for Ed just as she had Double Dee. Although May's affections were heartfelt, Marie humorously wondered to herself if May would enjoy the stench of Ed's armpits that stunk enough for Marie to almost gag the night she silenced him from calling Eddy after dinner with her boyfriend's parents. Then again, the girl did collect old smelly meat covered wishbones for some reason, and as Double Dee pointed out it was something that Ed would do. May was right, her and Ed really were similar to each other.