Again, I found upon re-reading this one there are only veiled hints, so it seems to pass for the T rating.

*.*.*.*.*.*

I would like to express that I knew about how heavily Julia/Barnabas stories are desired, though perhaps even more strongly than I predicted. For any past readers or listeners to "The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows" I was as careful as I could be with Julia, as well as in this story.

On Dark Shadows I have never seen Barnabas make a pass at Julia except to toy with her affections, which of course I didn't like. Later on there were musings they married but this was never aired on television, which I try to stick with.

I also did not like that Dr. Julia Hoffman would be playing 2nd fiddle as a romantic option to Barnabas. I felt she deserved someone who would make her the leading role in his life, so I chose someone of an academic variety that I felt would suit her better. I hope that assuages any quick assumptions. (And I'm not all that fond of her personal experiments going foul on DS either. I felt her character deserved better than that.)

The Whom of Many

As I've allowed to express the experience of this strange and unique plight in my love-life, I must again analyze its insistent confusion of fate. What She was, what We are, has left a craving in me to explain the tale. Perhaps more for myself than for anyone else.

You might understand, or perhaps defer to reference, that this woman of whom I love so intensely, is not simply a single woman unto herself. She is at least three, and I have "known" them. So I must explain that one in between. THAT was the one who made it all clear. Kitty Soames, or Lady Hampshire.

She was, sadly, the obvious crux in this entire escapade of my love for the original that flew off the cliff so many years ago. Why my Kitty felt compelled to drink of poison, as my mother had done, still escapes me with a wet-eyed glow of compassion. And confusion. However, it is likely her own confusion of knowing so well who she had been and what had become of us that makes this tale a needed one. As my father-in-law has said, there must have been some reason she continued to try and return to me through the centuries. And I in my singular life, as long as it is, can only wonder at the misery I've put my darling through. As grateful as I am at the result.

Kitty, was, indeed, so tightly bound in her corsets as to be almost waif-like. And it pained me to see my Josette in such a state. But likely worse, to see her still crying out to me, still searching to find me, and I am ashamed as such in my attempts to let her go, but not being able to. And in that magnificent dress, she was truly the purple rose of my longing.

Had I known of her existence when I awoke in this time, perhaps I may have been less diabolical in my plans. Though, how one can be so calculating after so much time had passed, with I in this new time period, does assuage some guilt in my terrible actions.

Kitty, my beauty, for who I both mourn and am grateful to have again in this Margaret, dazzles my interest. And if it were not for her, it may not have been so obvious what was happening to us. Something was trying, and when one looks at the chronology of our history, to keep us alive, and to gather us together at that alter of union. And she was brave to come out and say so. Of course it tickles me that she recognized our tormentor, Angelique, and immediately went to throttle the life out of her. For this… Kitty is the name I often use when I see that sweet justice again, in my Maggie.

Of Angelique, I say, that though Josette may have been born to high regard, if anyone has taken the chance to notice, of all the other people with expectations of servants, Josette was the one who treated her like a friend. This makes all that tormenting, both between us, and our families, the worse for it. The one person who wanted to give Angelique the attention she craved, Angelique smote worse than any of the others. And Josette understood, as we all do now, what Angelique's true problem always was: Neglect. Though we hope this can be rectified. There *is* a man who can love her, and it certainly isn't me. Though even with him, she'll have to earn it, and earn it righteously.

Then Kitty took her own life, and as my Maggie has said, it could not be helped, though we still have that longing for Kitty, even now. Though, sometimes when She looks at me, when She speaks with a certain inflection, I know Kitty is there, within her… and when I've engulfed my passion toward her, she tells me she knows, and she feels it. Whether it's a kiss, or whether it is when we imbibe upon each other in that room which belongs to ALL of them, I know she exists. I know she is there, and I know, that all of those three… are one.

As for Maggie… who I aim to make right among all of the others, she has told me, in retrospect, just what those night terrors were about.

Oh? You don't remember? The night terrors that sent her screaming out from her own handsome profiled sleep? Those were her evidence of what was to come. The knowledge of all her previous conditions to me, and the future knowledge of the terrible acts I would inflict and forever wish a rotten heart upon myself for. That is the vile aspect of reincarnation… sometimes we not only knowwhat has gone before… but what is… to occur.

The lovely thing of all this is, she knows what ought to be and does it with exquisite divinity. As always, in all her lives, she is not one who likes to idle, and that is the sadness for those who cannot know her. Others see her as sweetness only, a trifling happiness and without any complexity. But *I* know better, as do her entourage for which I take up my pen to explain these things.

But what of our Julia? Poor Julia, as some may say. That is something for which I must address because I think so many believe her to be otherwise than I know her.

Dr. Julia Hoffman, must be described above both woman and doctor. And that is the troubling approach in all of this. That people see her only as a woman and not as a doctor, to which she likely has struggled to fight the conventions of her time to prove herself. As I pen these diaries, I have to admit, that her happiness is my happiness, and to see her with that other gentleman is not only a blessing but a fitting condition. You see, as her own previous incarnation with another man… theyhave also returned, to help with the curse they inflicted on my own cousin. And so these things are all working out, as Maggie and Mr. Evans has told us they may.

Julia, has been such a close friend, many would believe her to be my lover. Of course, that is the expectation of the gullible romantic. But Dr. Hoffman is far above this, you must know. And considering how many of the male persuasion in her line of work have shown vaguely superior, it IS an unfairness grotesque to her own ability to decipher problems. They've told me something of this period of time of women's liberation… Well, is it really so liberating when one contemplates only the carnality of a woman? Unfair, truly unfair to herself and her profession. And I believe her current paramour knows that… and… so do I.

Thankfully, my own sweet love and my own sweet friend have engaged in a durable bond between each other. Again, I must thank Heaven and Earth when I see these things. Shan't we all be friends, assisting each other, when all is said and done? I do hope so. And you do realize, that if it wasn't for my heroic Julia, I would not finally have the love I so desire now, nor the love that has so desired me through many generations of wearisome attempts.

Unfortunately I cannot continue with this story just yet. My bride is inviting me, with a winsome eye, to her bedroom. And I'm sure she would be fine with enlightening you on the details of that if anyone requests it. And, as I have noted, from my discussions with our friend Julia, she also is dabbling some disclosures behind certain doors. She has done a great deal of studies in the matters of personal pleasure, and what might light a person's fire. Ah… thatis gratifying.

Well, I must pursue my bride, this beauty… further… and deeper than before perhaps. And for those out there, in their own wedded bliss, you likely understand what we all are going through. Isn't it lovely?

And couldn't it be, though? I'm adding this after thought upon further reflection to this explanation and reactions to who I place Julia with in "The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows".

Considering this type of writing varies toward preference, which includes major changes in the circumstances of each version depending on the writer, I am continually puzzled at the knee jerk reaction that Julia Hoffman's love for Barnabas Collins can never vary or even be excluded entirely.

What I've discovered about this style of writing is it tends to be about choice of what some people in common want to see. Obviously, the Julia/Barnabas crowd have been so vocal and so militant that there are likely Barnabas/Josette or Barnabas/Maggie stories we're not seeing at all. It makes me wonder if these writers and dreamers that came before me may have been given harsh treatment and are keeping their stories to themselves, which is why I couldn't find them.

"Forever Mine" with Josette, on this site is in 1795 and a nip in the bud story. (No Julia)

"A Third Option" with Maggie is also a nip in the bud story. (Again, No Julia.)

My story, combined with this one, is not only Maggie=Josette, but also incorporates Kitty Soames. And all with Julia.

I care about Julia Hoffman and saw through this absolutism of her being with Barnabas and didn't want her to play a second fiddle role as his choice, but have someone else step in to fall in love with her and not a made up character. I carefully made sure she would have what she needed so that all in my story would be pleased. And considering what a strong woman she is I could see her getting over Barnabas far easier than Barnabas getting over Josette. However there is still that almost involuntary reflex that no universe, however alternate, could exist in which Dr. Hoffman isn't swooning over him.

I can already think of 3 different techniques here that would make her not in love with Barnabas and easily placed.

1) Alternate Universe: Julia simply isn't in love with him.

2) She cures him, and as her mission is accomplished, she collects her data and goes in search of other vampires to cure.

3) She simply gets fed up that he's not in love with her and goes off to enjoy the affections of a man who does.

Why none of these are employed remains a mystery.

I can also see how Julia fans would be thinking, "Well, gosh she did so much for this guy and why didn't she get him?" But for the most part what I see between the two is Her gripes versus His Gripes. She had to do all of this covering up for him and keep him away from the mini-skirted lasses... (WHY is IT almost no gal on this show wears a pair of PANTS?)

So I looked at Julia's worries with her one lifetime then I looked at Barnabas with all his other worldly concerns and likely feeling like a BIG prig after turning into such a monster and having so much that he wanted not only ripped away from him like the worst removed hangnail, but then having to deal with all of these 1960's versions of his previous existence and wondering, "Gosh darn it! I miss that Josette, what if this girl actually WAS her?"

So between Julia's one lifetime problems and Barnabas' multiple centuries concerns... I felt... well... he has the *bigger* gripe.

Take care. :)