I just love this one, and not for anything I'm not giving away in this edited version, I've found I only re-read it for the hilarity and the idea that Willie Loomis can be just as mischievous as ever without being outright cruel. I know I've given a way a lot of plans with my other story, but I'm hanging on to who his girlfriend is, and who Mrs. Stoddard;s upcoming paramour is as well. I gotta say, with the lyrics, I kinda dig this idea of the Collins Family melding with The Partridge Family. ;)

Chapter _: Willie Toilet Papers Collinwood

Hello world, here's a song that we're singin'
Come on, get happy
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy

We had a dream we'd go travelin' together
And spread a little lovin' if we'll keep movin' on
Somethin' always happens whenever we're together
We get a happy feelin' when we're singin' a song

Travelin' along, there's a song that we're singin'
Come on, get happy
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy
We'll make you happy
We'll make you happy

Of course, this tale is too much of a delight to let pass without revealing certain shreds of it. When Willie Loomis told me about it, he did say it with his usual aplomb I still have a hard time translating, of course, but for some reason, every detail was explained as we shared some laughs over a glass of port and some candy bars. You see, there is just something about love tales that we feel the need to express with a friend. And frankly, in this town and on this estate, we all need to make certain vents to our frustration and that includes the good things.

Of course, the girl we can't give a name to right now, had come to express her loneliness and the bad things that had happened to her recently at her old place of employment. And was Mr. Loomis ever concerned. I'm sure he was more than willing to give a fist in the face to the man who'd made her job so troubling. However, I did tell him, that our home was so huge, we would gladly allow her admittance. It would beat all to see her out of that boarding house and not only that, but I could *finally* get Willie to change his shabby rooms to something at least a little more grand. And what might be grander than Barnabas's old bedroom? My husband and I have found it almost implausible to cleanse that room with our love. There was simply too much hurt there; especially with my other husband haunting it so much. I leave it to Willie Loomis and his own sweet lady to do that job for us. But that's not what THIS story is about.

It was when they went for that first walk together, and had passed all the various places where he'd dug unnecessary graves, and people tied to trees, etcetera, etcetera, you get the idea. But as the afternoon settled, they came back and saw the brown paper bags she'd left beside the door of the Old House. Mr. Loomis had asked what they were. And she pleasantly showed him.

Of course, he'd professed that perhaps we might need all that toilet paper in her bag for the old outhouse some of us still bother to use. But she shook her head, "No, no, Willem," for some reason, that's what she prefers to call him, "this was for another plan I had in mind."

"What did ya have in mind?" he asked, almost coyly.

"Well…" she smiled slowly, "you and I are mischievous people, of course,"

"I know," he answered, "ya told me."

"So I thought we might… toilet paper Collinwood."

"What?" he laughed, "This place?"

"No, no," she responded, "I wouldn't even know how to climb these columns. I meant the main house."

"Oh?" He smiled with a hand-rubbing surprise, "ya really mean that?"

"I thought it might help," she answered, "we need a little mischief that isn't so terrible, don't we?"

Willie laughed in disbelief, "How did ya ever come to know me so well?"

"Oh," she said, "you and I have known each other before."

…

"Oh, no!" I chuckled, "and that was just the start?"

"Yep, Maggie, it was… are ya sure ya want to know the rest?"

"You can't leave it down to that, Willie Loomis," I told him, "I didn't encourage this for nothing. If you want to tell me, I'm more than willing to hear it."

And so he continued…

…

They raced through to a room where they could reach the roof of that house. I think Mrs. Johnson came out with some curious wonderings that they ignored and of course she just shrugged. We all know that Mrs. Johnson is ready to expect any oddities passing through the doors. I'm not surprised she didn't pursue those two.

And so they found a window, climbed out of it and up to the roof, bags in hand, ripped off the cellophane wrapping and proceeded to fling rolls of toilet paper all about the outside walls of what paupers what might call a palace but we all call Home. With all the stomping and laughing on the roof a window opened and Roger called out, "What on earth are all these shenanigans?"

At this point he saw the tissue flowing effusively and laughed himself into approval, "Oh, go ahead, Mr. Loomis! Have your fun! We'll have it cleaned by someone. Why else have all this money?"

"Thank you, Mr. Collins!" called out our Lady of Love.

And then David climbed out the window and was brought up over a gable to join in the festivities. The three of them had the time of their lives with 42 rolls of cheap toilet paper cascading all over the estate, wondering what might happen if Elizabeth Stoddard might roll back in from her trip to England at that moment. And we all know whether that happened or not. Ahem!

At some point, our Willie was getting a bit hot for this damsel who had managed to touch his playful heart so dearly. David was seen carefully back through the same window as Roger caught him. Roger asked them if they'd like a drink with him. They declined, and Roger, knowing what they might be up to next, accepted their answer and made good to get his son downstairs for some distraction, the better to dissuade a listening ear.

Of course, who needs blankets with this kind of excitement? They managed to kiss passionately, to which she made no resistance but breathed excitedly. She told him, "It's been such a hard life for us, Willem… let's change that."

"Really?" he exhaled, excitedly kissing her.

"Absolutely," she said, "unless there was something you wanted to do first?"

"Yes, there is," he answered, "I want you to rest on your stomach."

"Why?" she breathed, continuing to kiss him.

"Because… I knew… it was you…"

"Me? Who did what?" she asked, as if she didn't know.

"I'll show yer," he answered, helping to turn her about on her stomach to the roof and proceeding to kiss her back, in remembrance of what she'd done for him, in the same areas on her that he remembered on himself. He described her scraping the roof tiles in agony until a nail broke… to which he kissed it as lovingly as he could and she turned over.

...

"… is this too much, Maggie?"

"No! Go on… what happened?"

"Never thought I had it in me, huh?"

"Yes, I did, Willie," I answered, "what happened? How did you not roll off that roof together and break your necks?"

"Oh," he awoke, "that was easy, ya see our feet were against one of the chimneys."

"What?" I asked, incredulous.

"Oh, well her feet were against that chimney and I was happy they were. Didn't think you'd hear all this from me, eh?" he asked.

"Well," I answered, "I'd hoped to."

"Really?" he asked, in disbelief, resting his head on his elbow facing me from his bed.

"Oh, of course, Willie… come on now…" I said, reaching my arm out, "don't you understand?" he took my hand, "That we want you to be happy, too?"

"Oh…" he answered in perplexed bemusement, "I wanted ta think so, but… yeh, know…"

"Willie Loomis," I said, "Please… you know this… you know we want this kind of thing… AND to hear about it."

He let go of my hand, "Well, then I can tell ya… it ended more… beautifully than I could have ever told ya."

"Oh?" I dared to ask.

"Yes… I… well…"a

"Don't be shy NOW, Willie! You have me rolling on your bedroom floor already!"

He brought himself to a sitting position on his bed, clasped his own hands and bent his head down in that usual laughter that was so appropriate for him, "Oh… I know, Maggie, I know… I… I just couldn't get enough a'her then."

"Oh?" I asked, "what did you do?"

"I kept going… a'course," he answered, " and I… I … I kissed her everywhere that I could. I… wanted her all over… her stomach, her legs, he arms, her lips, her face… I just… suddenly… wanted it all…"

There was a long silence…

"Oh," I finally said, "Willie, that's beautiful… why are you stopping now?"

"Well," he finally said, falling back on his bed with a spring-back thud, "I don't know how to tell ya the rest."

"I'm still curious," I smiled.

"Do you know what she did when kissed me once?"

"I won't even guess," I answered, "you tell me."

"She took her tongue and licked the roof of my mouth…" he said, dreamily.

"Oh," I said, "well… I… well… how did that feel?"

"Oh… Josette Dupres… you know how that feels, don't cha?"

And that's when I knew… Willie Loomis finally understood, through the gift of love, who I really was.

"Thank you, Willie Loomis." I said.

"For what," he asked.

"For calling me that, finally."

"Oh… Josette…" he said, "how couldn't I?"

"Willie," I said, reaching for his hand again, and him, lying on his bed, accepting mine, "do you love her?"

He chuckled in that usual way he had, "Oh, Josette Dupres, how could I not love her? I want her now, even as I hold your hand. I want her… I want her to lay with me here. But you…. You… Josette Dupres… ya've helped to make this all possible… tell me… Maggie… will you help us? Will you always be our friend?"

I had to give a whisper echo of tears, I was too happy to shed more than that. "Willie Loomis," I said, "that girl is moving into this house!"

Willie Loomis laughed happily, taking his hand away, and crossing both hands over his chest, "I knew it… I knew it… ya've always known us… ya've always known us all… and I will happily take that other bedroom… if that's what ya want." He looked at the ceiling in retrospect of that incident he had with his lady love on the rooftop of Collinwood.

"Of course," I said, "I want you to change rooms, Willie… but… did you… did you two… complete each other than night?"

Willie Loomis turned his head to his right to face me, "Margaret Dupres, ye' know… we did… in more ecstasy than I've ever know in all my life." Then he shifted himself to rest on his side to face me, "Josette Dupres, don't you know you've changed us all, and me, with all the happiness now?"

"No," I told him, "it's not just me that's changed this place… it's you, and your strong heart… Willie Loomis… that have changed us all." Then I stroked his hair and kissed him on the cheek.

*.*.*.*.*.*.

If nothing else a smilie [:)] will do for a review. It's just so sweet. I know *I'm* grinning from ear to ear.