A/N: (2024, I need something to do while I am super-sick, so I am updating this, and listening to Elemental Soundworks "Night Begins" on bandcamp while doing so.) We return to the bedroom as in the previous chapter, direct and to the point (minus my author's notes). As one reader told me, this novel is like a cognac, it is not a page turner. Please take it slowly. Life is to be savoured, not guzzled down. I hope most enjoying this have a sweetie! If not? I think I understand some erotic musings on Barnabas Collins these days. As for myself, I just adore requited love in couples such as this one, as my new friends who are inspired by Gomez & Morticia Addams deeply understand when I've expressed my troubles to them.
And As She Slept...
Staring down at Josette on the blue pillows; I caressed the softness of her flesh, the blessing of her presence, the beauty my bride held to me in as much as I wanted all of this, but to have it was another journey. I swept my hand from her velveteen hip to her ribs and watched her reaction of subtle excitement. Her bliss wasmybliss. Stroking her skin gave me tremors I could never take for granted. I looked, I stared at where I was touching her and the shivers that attracted me as my fingers coursed over her pleasing aspect. As much as we believe our dearest friends in the description of their lives, their loves; to see, to live it, is acompletelydifferent experience. She had made me ache for her earlier as we bedded down our newborn child, and I was building up slowly and beautifully to our wants and desires together.
The blankets draped us now and so did her delicious kiss, folding her lips to mine, her tongue above and under. How she utterly intoxicated me with what she could do at my mouth. It is without comparison.
My sweet Josette. Dearest Heaven above, Angered Hell below and the beloved lustre of who we were united between those two plains. From our window the snow-light of the moon luminous on her cheeks, bringing yearnings to me as I'd known them before so many times and I approached her in such thankfulness to the night and its mysteries; Lunar precepts enlivening her under my downcast gaze throughout our togetherness.
In unison we shuddered in her blessing to us: our beloved daughter that slept so soundly nearby. The magnificence of Josette's being continued to startle me every evening we held close. I had missed her. All I had known of who shecouldbe... I was so correct, then so foolish about, but when I allowed my bride to be herself and express all three: Josette, Kitty, and Maggie. That last one being the brightest candle of my life, through all of our struggles, everything each went through, everything each contained,madeoneof her.
And as I understood her inside and out, my love never wavered, and I was more determined to make her happy than when I was forcing that china-doll aspect of Josette on Maggie. What little I could recall of Josette I held fast to. But when I awoke from my long sleep? What one part of my past held the strongest in all I'd lost remembrance of?My darling, my darling, my life and my bride.She had been completely right. She should be herself, always. In my long sleep and agony I had forgotten; a woman with an indomitable spirit and the kindness I longed for in my puzzled, once forsaken, existence. Maggie could never be the rare elements I recalled of my Josette upon my return.
Again, of Maggie, for resisting this? Iamproudof her. For in this Josette was also resisting those merest fragments I could conjure in my memory of her. She was far more than finance and flowers. To me she was the very embodimentoflove and represented my intensity for it. The truth of what I always wanted was her very soul entwined with mine as the ghost that kept renewing and changing and searching for me, and no aspect of her could ever be ignored.
My beloved listened to the emotions within my psyche as we pursued each other in wedlock, trailing questions of possibility, and I could hear her laughter, the delightful laughter even from the intensity of her mind. Josette wanted us to enjoy each other and perhaps leave it at that, but how could I enjoy this union so simply? Nothing about this marriage was simple. All that our hearts yearned for,andwere curious about now belonged to us...us...us. Blending, kissing, and unafraid for ourselves or our beloved progeny of old and new, as all three of us were together. Balance, renewal, harmony, love... we werealive.
Under the softest coverings of her rich, brown bed, I felt her bare skin along mine, her stomach touching so tenderly my own as my arms clung to her soft beauty. I welcomed this dearly as our tongues collided; bespeaking the words of passion we had been starving for during her pregnancy. Josette, all parts of her and I, held fast again, and that beautiful enrichment to my life brought all thankfulness to my heart. I could smell in the odour of our sheets, which covered us, inhabiting a sense of security I now knew many shared in this kind of love.
Her palms met the bends on my shoulder blades, fitting so well and then tracing the tips of her fingers around my back; Thrills of delight and excitement erupting in areas that went untouched from such caresses. How was that possible? To feel tingles, little explosions in other places while loving hands were temptedand temptingelsewhere?
What would happiness be like? My bride had asked, "not simple is it, Barnabas?"Absolutely not.As our kisses parted and met, I knew I had been right to choose this woman. Perhaps all of the suffering was how it ought to have been, to create so much more appreciation as we held each other tonight, as well as so many nights previous to this.
Holding her close, our limbs enwrapt, thoughts of our histories floated through what we needed to conquer together, things made worse for us that were neither of our faults. I loved her through the centuries and now we were enjoying what we always yearned for:each other. In our marriage she'd inflicted pains on me I never knew. Josette struck me with violence, with joy, with passion, with anger, with revenge, and finally she opened our hearts to forgiveness. I had forgiven myself with her help. She sent her knowledge of me into my own consciousness. And with this forgiveness, she knew it was time to try for a child, and one that would hold the balance to all of us. As Josette had come back to us through her new life as Maggie, Sarah was now returned to us by them both.
I loved being with her, being a part of her, knowing her as she knew me, knowing all of our suffering was not in vain. And healing from that pregnancy made her even more sensitive now. I let my fingers glide, I could not help to wonder and stare upon the near-auburn beauty of her tresses in the amourous darkness and flickering firelight.
I was with her, I loved her so deeply, so strongly and her appreciation created a fascination in me that I never wanted to let go. The peach blossom delicacy of her skin as I stroked her flesh, the beauty of her shape as my arms were tugging at her shoulders her inviting lips to my adoration of them, and I cherished the splendour, not just of her, but ofus. All that I wanted, all that I saw and ached for, we were united and we were living within this elation so few knew or understood, but we both desired from each other desperately to have.
In so much love? How could others interpret a selfishness about this? The roundness of her shoulders as I fed on them with my lips, my fingertips, the firelight wavering over her kissable lashes, the tone of her colouring, the richness of her thews,.God, how she enthralls me!She spoke little wonderings. The energy of her enjoyment and glistening along her hair allowed me the invitation to drift my cheeks, inhaling the fragrance of her breath, her chestnut tendrils, all of who she is and was to me by now, my most reverent and sacred bride sharing this love together that we'd yearned for in almost two centuries time. A blessed angel among the living, just as our daughter was in this most recent birth to the estate.
Josette, always "The Dark Princess" of our home while she has pronounced me "The Dark Prince" and in that cradle Our Queen, however reversed it might sound. But much in this delectable and melancholy world resisted the rules of the contemporary. That is why the gleam of the flames and moonlight glittered the air of our lives with such beauty against so many memories of pitch-black horror. Our child as Queen and us her beholden Prince and Princess; Why not? We worshipped her more than we worshipped one another. Sarah, our child, our cherished delight in this crystalline mystery we were made to call "life". Both were my angels, and yes, Josette, my dark princess. Combined to oneself at last from so much separation in persona as her spirit stretched across time, space and individual lives...
Will I ever know who she is? Or in my wondering? Will I ever know whoIam? When I touch her, when I expose myself to my most beloved beauty? Will I ever completely comprehend her? No... and perhaps that is just as well. When we know too much about each other the love falls into boredom and we are drawn outside from any curiousity left.
My Josette has been three people and more and she has blessedly drifted through the realms of my home, beyond my comprehension. I love her for more than any knowledge I might have pre-supposed. She has brought things to me I never knew I could have, showed me a life I never knew could have existed.
Did anyone understand that I, Barnabas Collins, could be a happy man? I suppose not. Perhaps not even myself. But I am now. I truly am. And I will continue to write of it. I think many of you are pleased to discover these pages I never meant to scribe. But I am pleased to write them, and genuinely glad to have people who care... and... read them. In keeping this journal I recognize previous entries spiralling upward in the joy we have with each other on every afternoon of our awakening together – kisses goodbye that promise kisses hello to come and abide by.
As I watched her, indeed as I looked upon myself in the reflection of her dark, but vibrant eyes, could I kiss or advance myself any deeper towards my beloved more than I already had? Startling breath flashing from my mouth against her ear... Who are we, you and I? What have we become in this starlight and darkness? The greatest love of all time? No, perhaps not. The greatest love between you and I? Oh, yes. I shall continue to pen these instances of our existence and how I feel about you.
My Josette, you are reading this now aren't you? Don't you know when I write these things I wish for you to peel my clothes from me and press your lips to the bareness of my shoulders and the flesh of my back? Don't you know that when I am with you, that is all that I begged for, all that I craved? Us being together and so combined within your very soul? As I kiss the downy flesh of your skin, our cores containing the root of all meaning in my life? Please touch these pages with your fingers, Josette, and then turn and touch me.Please.I will love you forever and I will adore you ever so much more than I do now,if such a thing is possible.
That night after we'd lain down our child, the delicious being we'd conceived, but was something we both knew in that previous century together, how could I love you more? I know not. All I do know is I was stroking the heavenliness of your arms, your frame, your legs and pressing my lips to your face. I have been fascinated by your ability to please me, and so fascinated in how I could please you.
How could it be possible? I have to wonder and marvel as I touch you in so much tenderness. Pliant depressions and curves from your throat, your clavicle which meets the roundness of your shoulders as I relish the flavour of your skin. Your slim, perfectly manicured hands that to one might appear delicate but held me easier and with more vivacity than any other woman's could... orwould.You've always woven those blessed talons of yours into my hair, never being aware how it stimulated my desire.
Now I look at you in the glow between us; tiny flames from the candles and the hearth of our room. I stare into the smile at your lips, the fingers of your hands and I have to wonder at my being capable of doing so much for you. It astonishes me. I had to kiss you further still, cupping your head, fingertips pressing under your hair as my thumb caressed behind your ear, wanting to show you and communicate so much of how I felt. You said our destinies are one, but now that I live it, I shudder if the ability of what I can do for you couldeverexist, no matter that I behold it with my own body and from the sight of my own eyes. Your charcoal lashes, your sharpened claws… Who are you, my beloved? How are these things possible?
My chest is littered with all the butterflies of the ages and they dance around my heart as we continue. I stroking your cheek with mine, gathering your head, and bringing my lips to yours. Your nails sliding in passion down my back. Was this too harsh of you? As I lean back my head to take in a breath from the ecstasy... still, what does it matter? How can I tell? If there are wounds now, do you believe I care minus the thrill of some treasure in passion you've inflicted on me? They are lacerations of which to be proud.
Then, the taste of you as a flower liqueur comes over me, and our thoughts join in my proposal, that first one when you were still but a waitress and I'd come home from that other time I had to endure to win your heart and your trust again.
An opening door, a ringing bell, you turned in that almost sleeveless, almost skirt-less outfit.
"Barnabas?" you smiled, "You survived. You came back to me."
"And I almost forgot you, Maggie. Can you... forgive me?"
"Nothing to forgive,mon demón. Sit down. Have a cup of coffee."
And as I grabbed your wrist and kissed its underside, I had to speak, "No, Josette. I wish to dance with you again."
And so we did. A tune I've learned as"How Beautiful Is Night"gliding sweetly through the air as we danced slowly and softly together, and I remembered this because it was so close to the method of a dance we were sharing now. And your words in that night, as you were describing that I would never leave this time we finally found each other:
"Perhaps no one has said it before, Barnabas Collins, and so... I want to say it now. Welcome... to The Twentieth Century."
Ifeltwelcomed in threshes and droves, then and now.
You and I were together as our beautiful daughter slept soundly so near to us in tiny echoes of breath. You are the bride I'd longed for as the centuries elapsed before me, both abed in my coffin and later awake, fighting all the troubles that plagued our families. Now I was here with the two most beloved members to me in my existence. However supernatural it had to be. My new life as a father, within this House that once knew misery but now knew love and with you, my reborn Josette, we were all finally home.
As I write these words in my best script, wearing my silken robe, I see you in your own kneeling before the main hearth of our home together. Something we've managed to make blessed, watching our daughter grow, observing how the love has expanded over this estate, once so dreadful, but in the acceptance of darkness and the difference between true evil which is separate from what we have obtained, there is a life of happiness in shade and twilight. The moon isn't as cold as I came to believe in our journey. It shows a better view of change and regularity. Whatever wolves howl in the dark no longer touch us with terror, but the blessing of song.
I've raised my head briefly from this manuscript to look into another gift you put in the vase at my desk. White Periwinkle:pleasures of memory.Very encouraging considering what I do here. I must smile. How you obtain these blossoms, my Maggie, I know not. I've never looked at those expenses. I simply enjoy them knowing my dreams have been made real by your thoughtful attentions to me and...to all of us.
Again do I return to that night, your chin lifted, our breathing once heavy, slowed and I bent down to kiss your neck up and up, sliding along the underside of your jaw until I'd finally found your lips again, somewhat chilled by so much air that had passed through, but still soft and smooth, and warming to my touch. I could feel your smile, which gave me one as I kissed you, Josette. Our eyes half closed but still gazing at each other.
Another sideways repose came, moving the velvety blankets over to keep us concealed, stoking one another's faces in companionship. Invigorated by the blood I had shared and the love I had to give, feeling the tingles as that after effect changed you into something even more sensitive, our having ascended another flight of passion. I had to watch your half-closed eyes, parted lips in a smile, reaching to slide my hands wherever I could to bring you further pleasure. Almost anywhere would bring flutters to your entire being, as I observed with my eyes and the connection between our minds. I had to smile and drift about from your ankle all the way up to your shoulder as you faced me.
What did you do then, my love? Ah, that mischievous grin, bringing out the colour of your eyes to match your hair, you took my curling hand, and kissed the back of it. The pillows cradled our heads as we glowed towards each other. You surprise me no matter how often I think I know you. You've worn my onyx ring; you've taken cover in my long, black coat, and presented me with gifts in equal symbolism to what I've given you. Kissing my hand, even as I listened to your mind, I couldn't see it coming. How deliciously appropriate in both adoration and mirth.
As you have told me;"If we can't escape the madness by running from the shadows, perhaps embracing them shall bring us solace."
So in these shadows, as our baby sleeps, gently breathing, unperturbed, we too embrace. My arm behind your back, sliding between your shoulder blades, small shudders between our lips as we gingerly kiss three times. The fire crackles and I think, "Always easy to remember when it's three. Just as we are, just as you are, my Josette."
A/N, hopefully I edited enough for a making-out chapter unlike the original, please express your favourite piece of enjoyment in the lower regions. :) (No "real" name necessary. This is the internet for crying out loud.)
As for people who don't enjoy it. Why the heck are you still here? Go bowling or something...