Just some notes I took to a pal when I was up for ages skipping through all the other nonsense distracting me from this major story component I realised I needed to get accurately down for "The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows". Many aren't sure of the Kitty Soames mess, so here's a goofy explanation in all my usual variety of slang.

I was going to get rid of the swearing, but after seeing what passes for a T-rating around here, it doesn't seem to matter unless you've got the f-word or worse... Besides, it's kind of funny to describe in a conversational way. We all pretty much know how semi-bland the original dialogue might sound at times.

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884-886 (disk 91) Figuring out the Lady Hampshire broo-ha

This all post Kitty and Barnabas morphing into Josette's painting. Hmm! Unique time-travel method! Is this like when people walk through mirrors?

But WOW! What a pile of unique team work. Barnabas awakens via this weird portrait time travel thing somewhere in the brush, with his even OLDER clothes on. "Oh good! I still have my cane!" he seems to think as he reaches for it, stands up and BOOMPH! There's BEN! YAY! In all his murky, poor-man-with-bad-haircut glory.

Hence the land of confusion (as Genesis sings) begins in the turmoil of "Where's Kitty?" and Ben's TOTALLY confused like, "What the HELL are you talking about Mr. Barnabas?" Then the dialogue goes something like this.

Wait? What year is it? What day? What hour? What was happening? Did we meet at the shed yet? No? You were coming to look for me there and couldn't find me? Okay... now, did Josette jump? No? Okay? (Various confused references back to Kitty, to which Ben is just getting worried by, much less baffled.) Well, what had I been up to that night? Shoot! This is a pain! Is she? Oh, not at the Old House? Well you have to get her thereto her old room... or as he would normally say, and says A LOT to Ben at this point "You MUST do this and you MUST do that." Whatta guy. :)

So Josette, waking up in her room in the NEW house, assumes the whole life as Kitty Soames was a dream as Aunt Natalie is pacing around the room to make sure the prophecy of her jumping off the cliff won't happen. Well, Josette won't have that.

Meanwhile, Barnabas figures out Angelique is still hanging around (Wait! didn't he already marry and shoot her? Bah! Maybe it's some ghost version or something, WHO knows?) So he talks to her to say, "YO! Don't be tricking Josette to jump off the cliff, you ho."

To which Angelique goes "Oh, why should I? Aren't you just going to turn her into a vampire?"

"No! Not this time! It ain't happening! I got me a solution."

And of course she's almost Cassandra doe-eyed here and asks, "You really love her don't you?"

(Told my spouse this as he got ready for work, he nearly swallowed his toothpaste!)

Anyway, as you may likely expect Barnabas to respond to THIS question: "NO SHIT, BITCH!"

"Well, why should I? What do I get out of it?"

And he says, as stolidly as possible, "I'd be REALLLLLLLLLLY GRATEFUL!"

And her quaint response is, "I do wish you would use the word LOVE when it came to ME!"

At this point in my telling it all to my own love, he spit out his toothpaste and said, "OKAY! I would LOVE it if you would NOT do that!"

(Somewhere in all of this there are quite a few coughs off screen. Ah well.)

And so Angelique doesn't agree and fades off in some blue-screen special effect.

And THEN, the scene comes about where again Josette trips out on her fricken music box opening on its own, but HEY! we didn't see the WIRE that opened it this time! Good job guys! And she hears Barnabas calling her out to the cliff, which is obviously some fool witchery trick. So out Josette goes again to the cliff to see the vision of her turning into a vampire!

"Oh big whoop, girl," I say, "Live forever at night and feast on bastards the world doesn't need anyway," but it's long ago and no one's figured that out yet.

BUT! Will Barnabas come to scare her, and she'll jump as He, yet again NOT jump after her?

"Here he comes!" the voice of Angelique taunts as you hear steps along the cliff. But WAIT!

It's a "Star Trek: The Next Generation" style SWITCH-A-ROO! ^_^

It's Countess Aunt Natalie! Yay! I guess Barnabas got her to go in his stead! Nice work!

So Josette's all safe and whatnot (as if THAT'S gonna last, darn soap-opera!) and hanging out with, YAY, Millicent, who is as silly as ever and baffled at this vial of poison Josette randomly had. Why IS it they either drag it on in this show, or stuff the entire universe into one episode?

Rarely does there seem to be any middle of the road!

Or as my paramour bespoke: "All right! We've dragged this out with enough shit, time to wrap things up and move on to something new!" LOL! Cracks me up. He really rushed through that explanation like a bored film director.

Meanwhile Barnabas and Natalie are hashing out the details, though he did help her to save her niece, she still doesn't buy that Barnabas won't mess with Josette badly. Of course we have an admirable Barnabas in this new 1790's, but still Natalie won't cooperate, so he tries to hypnotise her but she looks away, then she finally turns around slowly to take a peep and WHOOSH!

Out come the fangs! YAY! Good job.

So, Natalie is now cooperating, though shaky, meets up with Millicent, tells Josette to go to her new house bedroom...

So there's Barnabas to try and explain to his scared Josette (who was once Kitty somehow...) many flubs along the way to this new 1796, (well, if continuity was done better it would be 1795,) then of course this confuses our lady as Barnabas tries to tell Josette/Kitty/Whoever to go back with him to 1896 (again the continuity would be 1897).

And FINALLY, after much nervous arguing, we get some SMOOCHING!

Thank you!

Although, with all the coughing continuing through these various episodes off camera, it wasn't very passionate, so I must presume there was some cold going around they may not have been trying to catch.

Considering THOSE two, though, I would expect them to have sucked each other's heads off and swallowed.

"SHEEZ!" my chap said to that, "That was extreme!"

"Well, so are they," I laughed.

I may not have gotten Kitty all that accurate in my own episode 12, but it ought to be an easy fix. Still! I was very close! Surprisingly close for not knowing much about her at all. Got a few other lines I need to change, too. That was mainly what I was looking for and I knew it would rend my heart, but at least there was some hope and teamwork in there. (And so Next-Gen style too! That impresses me for 1969 TV much less THIS show! I can't remember if they managed that on OS Trek... Anyone know?)

I watched a little more and then saw the Leviathans, grabbed my sweet-hearts various Sonic Screw- driver toys and aimed them at the screen.

That was fun. A purple glow grew upon their faces. Now do you know why I want reviews and feedback and laughs and encouragement? This could go on from 50-100 episodes and won't it be fun to get all the way there? I'm only human; humans need that kind of thing to kick-start their endeavours.

As Dr. Emmett Brown from "Back To The Future" says in this lovely quotation "If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit."

Take care, gentle readers...