Mondays Should be Abolished
Lucina…
Be brave, be smart, and be quick.
The past is the only chance we have
To save the world.
Also, please don't think that Chrom would push you aside.
He's way too trusting for that to happen, the muppet.
I hate Mondays.
Sometimes, you have to take a test right after you finish having one of the best Dungeons and Dragons sessions of your life. Sometimes you are really hung over and want another day to rest that splitting headache. Other times you just want to sleep in for another day but reality hits you like a sledgehammer and refuses to let you rest.
On occasions, you might even think that it's still Sunday, not leave the dorm to go to class, miss a really important explanation, and only hang on to a decent grade due to swiping Jonathan's notes during Chemistry class.
And sometimes, you get sent to another world.
I must reiterate: I hate Mondays. I believe they should be abolished and replaced with a different day. Something that's…not Monday.
I know that Monday will still technically exist and that I'll just be dumping all of the things that I feel about Monday onto this new day.
But damn it, I want something to soothe my heart! Mondays suck! I hate them!
That's what's going through my head as sunlight streams into my still-closed eyes. My back hurts, my waist is complaining about a thousand and one things, and my neck is currently on strike. Typical. I'm just over two decades old and I already have back pain. Great.
Still, why the fuck is it so sunny? Did I not draw my curtains yesterday? Or did Jonathan open them back up without my permission again? Damn him…He knows how much I hate it when I wake up with the sun in my eyes. Dude, I'm a night person! I don't like waking up! I need at least eight hours of sleep to even come close to normal functioning!
Why do you think I drink so much tea?
Despite my mind's protests, the sun does not in fact shut off for a moment to let me rest. And so, I have to get up. I reach for my phone to preemptively shut off my alarms and grab a handful of grass instead.
What?
Excuse me?
Grass?
Like, the stuff in the fields? The itchy, insect-containing, ant-hiding, beetle-harbouring grass? That grass?
For the record, I am not afraid of bugs. I quite like them, in fact. But what I can't stand is getting bitten, and for some reason, ants just love to bite me. I don't even know why they do! They just have a sense that I'm nearby and then they just run at me to bite me for no reason!
Oh well. I'm already in the grass. I can't do much about it. I just hope that they haven't dragged me outside too far from campus. Or if they did, they left me my wallet. Public transport doesn't work on hopes, prayers, and pleases, unfortunately.
I hear the crunching of feet on summer grass. Hmmm, that's…four people? No, five? That's…not a person, is it? No, human feet definitely don't make a clop-clop noise when they hit the ground. That's a horse, and not a small one either. I would know, I spent a good amount of time cleaning up after Favia's three horses and one pony. Why the fuck are there horses here?
How far did they drag me?
"Oh good," A deeper masculine voice with a stern yet slightly humorous tone snorts. "Another person lying in the grass. They seem to be falling out of the sky today, Milord."
…is he talking about me? Because falling out of the sky would definitely explain why my back hurts so much. Like seriously, did someone take a sledgehammer and break it? It hurts so much!
"Well, I don't think we can just leave him here either…" A different male voice responds.
"At least he looks better prepared than Robin was earlier," A cheerful female voice responds instead of the original male one.
Wait a moment…
"Not only does he have that massive backpack, but he also has that metal…thingy…what is that, brother?" The girl continues without considering that I might still be gathering my thoughts. Rude.
"I have no idea. I'll have to ask Miriel when we get back. Still, we cannot just leave him here," The second male voice sighs. "There are bandits in this area, and I'd be loathed to have him fall prey to them."
"That…is true," The original male voice concedes. "Shall I wake him up?"
"I think…I should do it. Maybe he'll recognize me?" A different, calmer, female voice responds. "He is quite close to where I was…er…laying."
"Sure. In that case, if he does turn out to be an enemy, maybe he'll attack you first," The first male voice muses with a hint of humour.
"Frederick! You can't say that!" The more hyper female reprimands him. Alright, now I'm getting curious. Aren't they all—
"H—hello? Are you awake?" The second female voice is right above my face. "Are you alright? You seem to be—"
Groaning, I decide to open my eyes.
AH! FUCK! BAD IDEA!
The sun decides to be a deadly laser and burns my eyes. A lot. Ow, fuck! That hurts! Before the rays of this star decided to turn my eyeballs into pan-seared steaks, I managed to see…not much actually. A face, sure, a head of silver hair and amber eyes…Blue skies and green grass, are certainly greener than I remember.
But other than that I don't see too much. The sun took up most of the real estate that my eyes took in. Damn the sun!
"Oh! I think he's awake," The younger female voice pipes up as I try my best not to scream. It comes out as more of a muffled groan as I allow my eyelids to form small slits to let in some light in order for my optical implements to send something for my brain to turn into a viewable image. "That's nice! We don't have to wake him up!"
"What…?" I try to say something that isn't just random sounds coming out of my mouth. It's at that point that I realise that my mouth has the water content of a piece of dried kelp. This causes the singular word that I manage to get out to be mangled and sounds more like a groan than an actual word. What the fuck happened yesterday night?
"Hey, you. You're finally awake," The first male voice approaches my side. God damn it, if I got sent to Skyrim I'm going to be pissed.
"If…the next words are…'You were trying to cross the border, right?'...I'm going to cry," I mutter to myself. I don't know if the people next to me even heard that, what with how dry my mouth is.
"Um…are you trying to say something?" The girl right above my face says. I groan in response. I don't think they heard what I said. That's…good, I think? "I wasn't able to hear what you said…"
You know, it's probably time to open my eyes for real. Sure, it was painful the last time I did it, but it should be better now. I think. The light that I see when I have my eyes closed has turned from a burning flesh scarlet to a more manageable red-grey. I think someone is blocking my eyes from direct contact with the sun. I certainly hope that's the case.
I decided to fully open my eyes, despite my eyelids and brain's protests. What I see is…both relieving and concerning.
For one, I'm not in Skyrim, so I don't have to worry about getting attacked by a dragon in the next couple of minutes.
However, considering that the sky in a bright blue, the grass is a crisp green, and there are four people standing next to me alongside a horse, and two of those five are wearing plate armour…
Well, I don't think I'm on campus anymore. I don't think the campus exists in this place I find myself in.
"Wow…You're finally awake," The girl in front of my face who's blocking out most of the sun from entering my eyes and burning them again notes with a bit of humour. "Hello! I'm sure this is very confusing for you, but we found you sleeping by the side of the road and wanted to check in on you."
The girl is in her late teens or early twenties, with two pairs of silver ponytails descending all the way down to her chest, a black-purple coat that looks extremely comfortable and warm, and warm amber eyes. She has a slight smile on her lips, but she looks…confused. As if she's trying to remember something that she can't.
Behind her is a short, blonde girl with Viridian eyes and a white dress with leather straps and a hefty…staff? It's not a pike or another type of polearm and I doubt that it's used for killing someone. She's smiling brightly at me for some reason.
Next to her is a tall, stern-faced knight with black hair and a severe expression. He's wearing full plate, the heavy armour painted blue and white. It's well crafted; I can't find a weak point. I don't know how much the armour restricts his mobility, but considering how many parts there are, I don't think it constricts it that much. His horse is similarly armoured, though with less around the legs. Good to know that a good ol' halbert will still mess up calvary.
There's another man, shorter than the armoured one, sporting a head of fucking blue hair, shining metallically in the sunlight like cobalt under a bright light. He has a really weird outfit, with his left shoulder not having anything while the rest of his body is covered by a snazzy-looking blue outfit and a white cape. What is it with this dude and the colour blue? At least he has some armour in the form of a silver pauldron over his left shoulder. He must be right-handed then. That doesn't excuse him from not having a shield, though. Or a pike. That too. Long stabby sticks for the win.
Though…what kind of tattoo does he have on his right shoulder? I can't see well from this angle, but that looks…oddly familiar?
Suspicions have been raised.
I blink the sun (Damn you! Why are you so infernally bright!) out of my eyes again. I try to part my lips to speak, but the fact that this sounds like sandpaper rubbing together makes me reconsider. I really, really need to drink some water.
I hold up a finger to display that I needed a moment before I sit up. That gets me a better look at—is that the fucking Brand of Naga? Holy shit, it is. Uh…
I gulp silently. That…complicates a lot of things. Wait! Water first!
"Uh…?" Chrom (Considering he's the only person who has the Brand of the Exalt on his shoulder, I'm going to call him Chrom until I am proven otherwise.) "Are you alright? We found you—"
I give him the 'one-moment' sign again as I begin my search for fluid to make sure my mouth isn't drier than the average car after an hour in Arizona heat.
I begin my search around where I'm sitting first. I seem to be wearing a crimson loose-fitting long-sleeved shirt and a pair of black pants with some very good-looking leather boots capping my feet. Over that, a set of well-made studded leather armour protects all of my chest and torso but leaves the joints of my arms and legs completely open. I guess that's fine. I don't have a shield, but you can't have everything.
What's more confusing though, is the fact that I have a very large, and do mean massive, backpack on the ground next to me. Well, considering that putting anything in your pockets is kinda dumb when you're sleeping, I searched the backpack first.
Thankfully, there's a waterskin attached to the side. Popping open the rubber-rimmed (Why I don't have a bottle instead of a waterskin if there's a rubber seal is beyond me) metal cap, I gulp down the water inside. I drain about half of the water contained inside, the slightly salty taste making me question what exactly is in the water after I'm done drinking it, but not enough for me to stop drinking it. I need to get an actual canteen as fast as possible. I doubt I'll be able to keep using this for much longer. I'll appropriate the cap on this thing for that though; I doubt that people here are able to create, nevermind utilise, rubber.
The refreshing and honestly surprisingly cool water wets my mouth and throat from their previously desert-dry condition to a much better one. While I'm not satisfied yet, I think I'm able to speak.
Thankfully, the people who found me seem to understand that I needed to drink water before I was able to talk, and they let me do so. Thank goodness, too, because if I'm guessing correctly and that is Frederick the Wary, he would have gutted me like a fish if Chrom wasn't here.
Wait a moment…
"Are you alright?" Chrom frowns at me. "You seem…a bit out of it, sir…?"
"Salve…" I chuckle in response, then suddenly stop. What? Isn't that Latin? Why am I saying things in Latin?
I try speaking, this time normally, and it works.
"Hello," I blink at the blue-haired man. "I appear to be…er…I seem to have slept in the open…"
Frederick snorts.
"Oh good. He can speak, Milord," He notes sarcastically. I do my best to not frown.
Oh well. I might as well try and ask some questions.
"Pray tell, where am I? I don't recognise this place…" I sigh. "I must have had one hell of a night last night…"
Chrom chuckles while Lissa and Robin look confused and Frederick scowls. Typical reactions, if I'm being honest. At least, I think these are those people. If it turns out I'm not in Ylisse and this isn't the cast of Awakening, I can save some face.
"A drunken escapade, huh?" Chrom chuckles. "Don't worry, we've all been there."
"Er—I'm not even sure if it was a drunken escapade," I correct him. "I don't remember much of what happened last night. Just that I was with some friends and then blank."
"Well, right now you're just north of Southtown," Chrom shrugs. And that's all the confirmation I need.
I have to fight down a feeling of panic and trepidation that threaten to pop off the lid of my emotional control and drown my logic out. This is…an interesting situation to be in. I have to take multiple deep breaths to calm myself down, and each breath that I take causes Frederick to scowl deeper. Come on, man! I know I look suspicious, but at least give the benefit of the doubt!
"Er…in Ylisse, right? The Haildom of Ylisse? And what year is it?" I blink at him, wanting full confirmation.
"Yeah…?" Chrom blinks back. "Where else would we be? It's the 12th year of the Exalt Emmeryn. Don't tell me you've lost your memory as well…"
This causes Robin—actually, I can't be sure that this is Robin. This causes the future tactician to shudder a bit and glance at Frederick. Oh boy, I'm guessing a few veiled threats were thrown there…
Well, at least we've sorted out that question. I am most definitely in Ylisse around the time that Awakening takes place. This is…going to be interesting…
Hopefully not interesting enough to die. That would be a major health issue, dying.
"Nope!" I chuckle. I…don't think I've lost any major chunks of my memory. "I still remember most things, like my name! The only thing I don't remember is last night and how I ended up in a field."
I stress the last part of my sentence in an attempt to appease Frederick. The Great Knight in question sniffs.
"Well!" Chrom chuckles as he gives me a hand. "What is that name that you seem to be able to remember?"
I gladly accept the hand that Chrom gives me and I feel his firm arm help to pull me up from the ground.
"The name's Teren—" I begin with a smile. However, as I get to the third syllable of my name, I feel something take over my vocal cords and say something that I never asked my throat to say.
Actually, that's not quite right. It's as if my body has been saying my own name differently from what I remember saying my name and the muscles in my throat are acting off of muscle memory and saying my name differently from what I remember it to be. It's…really hard to explain if you haven't felt it for yourself, unfortunately…
"—tius Aquilius Aurelius," I finish with a smile that quickly morphs into a face of utter confusion and surprise.
"Nice to meet you Terentius—are you ok?" Chrom smiles again but his face also changes when I realise that I've said my name differently.
"W—Wait a moment…my name is Terentius Aquilius Aurelius, not…hold on, what?" I try to say my name again, but my throat refuses to respond to my commands and says…that name instead. What?
How the hell did I become one of my D&D characters?
"Uh…Terentius, are you ok?" Chrom looks more worried now.
"I…I think I am?" I rub my throat in confusion. "But I'm more used to people calling me Terence than Terentius if that's alright with you."
Oh, thank whichever deity I can, I was able to say that without my throat disobeying me. That's good. If I had people call me Terentius for the rest of my life I would die.
Chrom blinks and then smiles.
"Don't worry about that!" He laughs and claps me on the back. "So, Terence, how'd you end up here?"
"Would you believe that I don't remember that? I wasn't in Ylisse last night and now I am," I shrug, my voice a little desperate.
"A likely story," Frederick snorts. "Considering that the nearest border is nearly two weeks away, I have to decide to reject that story."
"Well—" I try to explain myself before I notice that Robin and Lissa aren't with us anymore, and that…
What is that? No seriously, what is that?
What I'm looking at, and what Lissa is currently poking at her staff with a slightly worried Robin standing behind her trying to get Lissa to stop poking it, is a large metal disc around 80 cm in diameter with two pairs of short, stubby brass legs sticking out of it. It's about the height of my waist and has what appears to be a large hose on the top with a metallic yet flexible pipe connecting to the chassis area.
The poor thing looks like it's being molested by Lissa, which is a sentence I never thought I'd say until today. I'm not sure why the thing felt like it was looking at me with puppy eyes.
Wait a moment. If I'm Terentius the D&D character, and he's an Artillerist…
Then isn't that my Eldritch Cannon?
Oh. This could end badly. Like, really badly. Because I'm ninety per cent sure now that it is my Eldritch Cannon, and I don't want to explain to Owain that he won't be made in this timeline because his mother accidentally pressed a button on a mobile flamethrower and burned to death.
Or not have an Owain in the first place, if this timeline's fucked. I really, really hope that it's the first and not the second possibility.
"H—Hey, Lissa!" I call out as she starts messing with the nozzle that I'm pretty sure is where the fire spews out from. "I would suggest not touching that?"
The blonde girl wheels around, surprised, then stares at me, frowning. Robin breathes a sigh of relief as she is able to grab the young Princess by the shoulders and move her some distance away from the machine. As she does so, she gives me a slight smile before then looking at me with a strange expression. Huh, what did I do?
"Wait, why?" Lissa frowns at me.
"Well because I'm pretty sure that—well, we can test it out right here if you want to," I scratch my chin. I'm…actually not sure how to get the damn thing to fire.
"Sure!" Lissa smiles. "What does it do?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure I made it be able to do this. Fire!" I point down the small hill that we currently reside on and at a small rock that is sticking out of the verdant grass like a sore, grey thumb.
I had expected maybe a small cone of fire, no more than two metres in length to come out of the little cannon. I don't think Lissa and Chrom expected anything, and Frederick probably thought I would do something instead of the machine. Robin is probably confused. Poor girl.
What did happen is an absolutely massive spike of flame some forty metres in length surged out of the (comparatively) small machine with the sound of a high-pressure tap being opened. It quickly burned out in the air, but in doing so it created this choking black cloud of smoke that floated gently with the wind down the hill, casting a large portion of the hill in a shadow. The rock that was being targeted got slathered with whatever burning agent was being used by the, no, my little beast, causing it to burn for some time until all of the fuel on the rock got used up by the flame.
Not only was my mouth open wide enough for someone to fit an entire can of cola through it, but Lissa and Chrom's jaws were on the floor and Robin stared dumbfoundedly at the little machine, who looked extremely smug. More smug than a machine has any right to be. Only Frederick seems to be actively frightened by the thing and is probably thinking of all the ways I could use it to cook the Exalted Family. Well, tough luck there, Frederick. I am decently sure that Chrom is too dense to be affected by the fire that the little robot is putting out. Gods know that Chrom is a dense motherfucker to not be able to notice Cordelia's affections.
I really need to come up with a name for the little dude. I can't keep calling him 'little machine' forever.
"Oh! My! Gosh!" Lissa leaps up into the air and practically squeals. "That was so cool! It just went boooosh and then fire came out! And the fire was so big! It was bigger than the fire spells that Miriel throws around!"
"That was amazing…" Chrom nods. "How did you do that?"
"Well…" I scratch the back of my neck. There's a small problem there…and that is I have no idea how the robot works. "There's a lot going on under the hood there, it'll probably take a long time for me to explain. The general gist is that the tube throws a lot of high-pressure flammable liquid and that's ignited in—nobody is listening at this point, right?"
I realise that Lissa and Chrom's eyes clouded over at the word 'pressure' and haven't returned from their impromptu vacation yet. Frederick is still staring at me with suspicion but it's actually Robin's inquisitive gaze that scares me the most. While Male Robin might stew things over before saying anything, Female Robin has a more active approach to things that might screw me over here.
"Um, Terentius?" Robin tilts her head as she asks.
"Terence, please," I frown at that name. "Terentius makes me feel old."
And hella cringy. I'm all for Roman names: Cassius, Antonius, Markus, et cetera, but being called Terentius feels…weird. I've been called Terence my entire life and switching to a more…roman name feels wrong in some way.
"Oh, alright," Robin blinks in response. "Terence, how exactly did you know Lissa's name?"
Oh. Oh crap. Oh…oh…oh…
"Actually…now that I think about it, how did you know Lissa's name?" Chrom frowns slightly. "I don't remember telling you that…"
Robin nods.
"This might be the kettle calling the pot black but isn't it strange that you just know Lissa's name?" She continues Chrom's line of thought.
Damn it! How the hell did my cover get blown by this? I thought I was smarter than this.
"Well, Robin, I guess that is a good question…" I sigh. "It's…a delicate—"
"How do you know my name as well?" She raises an eyebrow quizzically. Ah. Fuck. Well, at least I know what her name is…ehe?
"I've dug myself in a hole, haven't I?" I say after a long pause where everyone is just staring at me with a questioning and expectant look. Frederick seems more concerned than usual. God—er, gods damn it! Why did I mess up in such a way?
Urgh. I hate Mondays.
AN: Hello there! Acardia here!
Apologies for the late release, I was on a trip this past weekend and didn't have access to my computer. Anyhow, how the hell has this fic already reached A Thousand Bungundy Flowers levels of reviews and favourites? I'm so confused...what do you guys want to read?
Anyhow, still a bit sick, so still a rather long delay of WCLS, unfortunately. Why is this fic still releasing? Because I've been sitting on it for the better part of a year?
Right, the review responses:
Louie Yang: No comment...
Scoolio: Happy I could oblige, then.
That's all for this week. Acardia out!