Chapter 17: Warm nest part 2
Uryu awoke with a yawn to the familiar scent of Ichigo. Ah yes, he was still at the Kurosaki residence, in said boy's bed even. He felt warm and safe, and a little happiness blossomed inside his chest as he realized this was the first time in a long while he hadn't been plagued by awful nightmares.
He blinked a few times to the daylight that pierced the darkness, before stretching out. His body felt so much more relaxed, that bath had really done him wonders. Even if he didn't remember getting dressed or getting in Ichigo's bed, but that didn't really matter.
"Rise and shine, princess," Kon chuckled as he came in to check on him.
"Good morning, Kon." Uryu smiled a little, to try and mimic the other's enthusiasm.
"Hungry?" the mod-soul wearing Ichigo's body asked, putting both hands on his hips.
With a yawn, Uryu pushed himself upright, but before he could answer that, his tummy roared and he promptly shut up, color rising to his cheeks.
Kon couldn't help but laugh. "That's definitely a 'yes'. Well then, why don't you come down? It's Sunday and we let you sleep in. Isshin said you needed that, so…"
"Thanks." Uryu got out from under the covers, testing his foot on a hiss. It was better than yesterday, but it was still painful.
"Should I help you down the stairs again," Kon offered.
Uryu's heart warmed a bit at that. The mod-soul truly was a friend. "Thanks, Kon, but I think I can manage this time."
"Alright then," the other smiled. "Oh yeah, Isshin has brought some clothes you can use. They're on the desk. Hurry down, on Sunday, the girls tend to make a feast for lunch, so…"
The notion to be getting more food was thrilling to say the least, and Uryu wanted to go down and enjoy it with all these wonderful people, but… suddenly, the memory of Ichigo screaming 'I fucking hate you!' rang through his head. Closing his eyes and clenching his fists to try and will that verbal blow to go away, he felt his confidence crumble nonetheless.
"Hey, what's wrong, Ishida?"
Kon must've seen the worry written all over his face. "Nothing, but…" he tried. "A-are you sure Ichigo won't be back for a few days, a-and…"
The mod-soul sighed, and gave him a smile. "Don't worry, Ishida. He won't. And I'll definitely kick his ass if he does. Now, get dressed and come down."
"O-okay…" the Quincy stammered, still a little unsure. Ichigo wouldn't want him here, he knew that, but… he needed a place to stay so desperately. Isshin and Kon had told him they'd handle Ichigo, but he still didn't feel up to another confrontation right now.
As the mod-soul walked outside, the Quincy took a look at the clothing on the desk. Isshin had provided him with a pair of jeans, underwear, a t-shirt and a soft hoodie. There even was a pair of sneakers! They were definitely Ichigo's, though. And although the clothes had all been washed, the Substitute's smell still lingered on them. Uryu's broken heart clenched at that, remembering different times where the other boy had been nice towards him, clutching the hoodie against his chest as the emotions that welled up inside him hurt so much.
He was so weak… He couldn't even let go of a boy who clearly hated him. It was pathetic…
Sighing in regret, Uryu tried to let it go, to distance himself from his longing. It was utterly pointless and it would only hurt him more…
The Quincy quickly went to splash water into his face to try and clear his mind. After he had hastily freshened himself, he put the garments on before slowly making it downstairs.
There was a lot of commotion going on. Ichigo's sisters were almost finished preparing their elaborate meal, making Uryu gulp hard when the waft hit him. Isshin and Kon were bickering over the tv remote, something the real Ichigo would probably do, too, so the mod-soul was trying his hardest to stay in character.
As Uryu was standing a little uncertain in the doorframe, Isshin's attention shifted towards him, asking about his foot and offering pain relief. Kon helped the girls with bringing everything out to the table and then they all sat down to share everything. Uryu almost toppled over by just gawking at all the food, gulping hard. Yesterday, it had been a traditional Japanese dinner, while this lunch was made up from several small dishes like sandwiches, omelets, harumaki, beef skewers and a couple of vegetables. His stomach roared and he quickly let his fringe hang in front of his beet-red face, while the others chuckled.
Uryu couldn't believe this was even real. Here he was, being encouraged to eat to his heart content, sharing idle banter with Ichigo's family, feeling warm and safe. The emotions overwhelmed and silenced him again, but the others were so occupied with their chit-chat that they didn't ask him about it and just let him eat in peace.
After they'd taken ample time to enjoy that delicious food that Yuzu described as 'some leftovers', Karin announced that she was going to play soccer with her friends. Yuzu went with her after announcing that dessert was waiting for them in the kitchen.
"I'll make us some tea. You handle the desert, Ichigo."
The mod-soul smirked. "The girls are gone, Isshin, so it's just 'Kon' for now. But, okay, I'll go get the desert."
"You're right, Kon," Isshin laughed, "but I trust you to handle that dessert with care, as it is the highlight of my day."
Uryu chuckled. How he wished he had a warm family like the Kurosaki's. Everything would be so different…
Isshin swiftly returned with a cast-iron teapot and 3 delicate cups, while Kon carried plates and a delicious looking cake, complete with yellow frosting.
"Remember that day where you promised me a talk, a cup of tea and a slice of Yuzu's fabled lemon pie, Uryu-kun?"
The Quincy gasped. Yes, that was the day he had escaped Kazuma's clutches and came to Ichigo for help, but the Substitute had bawled him out from up in his room. The simple thought of that moment made his heart grow heavy, but he politely responded with, "Y-yes, Isshin-san."
"Well, this is your time to shine, Uryu-kun!" The man smiled broadly and handed him a cup of green tea infused with Sakura blossoms. Kon cut off a slice of pie for the three of them and passed the plates.
It had been a while since Uryu had eaten anything sweet. His birthday, to be exact. He remembered it well, that moment he put his pride aside to quench his famine by licking his destroyed strawberry cake from the flattened container. The memory made his broken heart clench. "Thank you," he murmured, looking down at the delicious-looking treat in an attempt to change his thoughts.
Before he could take a bite, however, Isshin said, "Now that you're obviously feeling better, there's something I need to ask you, Uryu-kun."
Uryu locked eyes with the man and swallowed as the highly enthusiastic Isshin suddenly adopted a dead serious look. Kon's face took on a similar expression. Ichigo's father and the mod-soul exchanged nods, indicating to Uryu that they had already discussed what they were going to ask him. He had expected questions, but the seriousness in their demeanor made him feel anxiety rising in his chest.
"A-alright," the Quincy stammered.
Isshin sighed, retrieving his cell phone from a pocket. "I'd rather not have to do this, son," he said, swiping on his phone, "but as a doctor and a friend, I'm afraid I can't look the other way."
The Shinigami placed his phone on the table in front of Uryu. Uncertain, the archer took a look at the photo on the screen, having no clue whatsoever about where this was going. Then, his pupils dilated in shock at what he saw.
It was a picture of him, laying on his belly on an examination table. His clothes had been pulled up or down, leaving his back and backside bare, and… His skin was embellished with insults and degrading drawings, all over. Large letters spelling 'Boner garage' were marked on his butt. Different handwriting marred his flesh, leaving scribbles like 'gay freak', 'faggot', and an array of homophobic insults. There even were a few drawings of dicks for good measure.
Now he understood what Keigo and his gang had done to him in that restroom... Besides the beating, they needed to make sure that he'd keep his mouth shut about this. They must have taken pictures of him as well…
The indignity of that situation hit him hard, fracturing his already broken heart even more...
What was he going to do? How much more of this crap could he endure? It was so hard on him. His life was completely messed up…
He didn't even know what to tell Kon and Isshin…
Uryu's vision blurred as tears welled up in his eyes and he couldn't keep himself together anymore. The brutality of everything that had happened to him these last few months was crushing him, shattering his defenses and making him cry in front of a Shinigami and a mod-soul.
Looking down while his tears hit the table, Uryu couldn't hold back his sobs, making both Isshin and Kon gasp.
"I'm sorry, son," the Shinigami whispered. "I had to take these photo's while you were unconscious, in case you wanted to press charges against whomever did this."
Uryu nodded, but couldn't say anything to that. He had tried to keep going for so long, to keep his head up high, struggling to survive, but he was just a boy… A deeply hurt homeless boy in desperate need of help.
"We've gotten all the permanent marker off of your body, Uryu-kun, no worries there. A little undiluted alcohol did the trick, but… I suspect you're in more trouble than you are letting on."
Kon reached out to the Quincy, placing a hand on his shoulder, speaking softly, "Ishida… is there anything we can do to help? Can't you tell us what happened?"
"I-I can't…" Uryu sobbed, unable to fight his misery.
"Why not?" Isshin asked, his voice filled with concern. "Did this happen at school? How long has this bullying been going on, Uryu-kun?"
The Quincy remained silent, except for the sounds of sorrow escaping his lips. Yes, he was crying in front of a Shinigami again, and it was shameful, but he was falling apart and couldn't help himself.
What could he possibly tell them? That Ichigo outed him in front of the entire class and he was now being beaten up because of it? That Ichigo hated him? That Ichigo was a cold-hearted jerk that had hurt him profoundly, physically and mentally, because of what happened in Szayelaporro's lab? That his bastard of an ex-father had kicked him out because of his feelings for Ichigo?
As if they were going to believe any of that…
Nor could he tell them what happened during their imprisonment for both his own and Ichigo's sake. Moreover, it was essential for his father to stay out of this situation at all costs. He would not be able to handle that man's judgment and relentless mockery on top of everything else. He'd rather die than to crawl back to that asshole, begging for help, for he already knew he was a disgrace, a burden, and an inconvenience.
And so he couldn't tell Isshin and Kon anything about being homeless.
There was no way out for trash like him…
"Ishida, please, talk to us…" Kon's voice held nothing but empathy, as did his eyes. "Don't you trust us?"
That made Uryu gasp, and he felt the mod-soul give a reassuring squeeze in his shoulder. "I-I do trust you, b-but…" He felt trapped and buried his face into his hands, unknowing what to do.
There was no way he could turn his dire situation around all by himself. But he couldn't ask for their help either. He so desperately wanted to reach out to them, but he couldn't possibly stay here when Ichigo got back. The Substitute was going to kill him for sleeping in his bed and for being in his house. He needed to get away before Ichigo got here or he would suffer the consequences. He knew that all too well. There was no way out…
Isshin sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. "Do you know why they did this to you?"
That one was easy. He could tell them that much. "Y-yes."
"Then, why can't you tell us?" Kon asked, moving to sit a little closer towards him so he could place an arm around the archer's shoulders.
"I-it's so complicated, a-and…" Uryu bit his lip. There was no point in all of this. They were not going to be able to help him. Not at school. Not with letting him stay there.
Kon sighed. "Are those assholes responsible for your ruined shoes and glasses as well?"
"Y-yes," Uryu managed.
"Judging from the things they wrote on your back," Isshin continued, unyielding, "they seem to think you are… gay. Is that their reason for bullying you?"
Uryu looked up at Isshin, but saw nothing but compassion in the man's eyes while Kon seemed to hold his breath. After a moment of heavy silence, Uryu admitted: "Y-yes," far too distraught right now to care. That part about him, they were allowed to know.
"Wow! Really?" Kon blurted, visibly astonished.
"Kon!" Isshin retorted sternly.
Then his eyes met the mod-soul's, and Ichigo's body adopted an empathic look again. "Sorry, I didn't mean that the wrong way, Ishida. I was just a little surprised."
Uryu nodded, trying to wipe his tears away. "I-it's alright, Kon. It doesn't m-matter."
The look on the mod-soul's face changed, and his eyes caught fire. "But it does, Ishida. They don't have the right to hurt you simply because of that."
Uryu wiped his eyes again, a little surprised by Kon's visible indignancy. "Y-you're right, but… they have a group a-and… I am alone." Not to mention how weak he had become, physically, because of the hard life he was leading.
"Alone?" Isshin interjected in surprise. "What about your friends? What about Ichigo?"
That promptly shut the Quincy up again, unable to confess they were no longer friends. Unable to tell them nobody even wanted to be seen with him at school. Ichigo hated him, Sado despised him, and Orihime avoided him for her boyfriend's sake. Nobody knew of his pitiful makeshift life under the bridge.
After all those year's he'd protected Karakura town, being a dirty nuisance to everybody was his sole merit.
"Yeah, what about Ichigo?" Kon asked. "Doesn't he help you?"
Uryu looked down, his hands clenched into fists, and his lower lip quivering. Inside, a storm of emotions raged, one he couldn't conceal. He knew that the unfiltered anguish on his face had already given him away without even telling them anything.
Kon growled. "That's the reason why you keep asking when that dork's gonna be back, isn't it. Oooh! Wait till I get my hands on him-"
"Don't!" Uryu intervened. "Ichigo has nothing to do with the bullies! He doesn't know it's this serious!"
"But he does know you're being bullied then?" Isshin asked, his tone holding both disapproval and surprise.
"W-well, yes, but…"
"Why doesn't he stand up for you?" Kon asked incredulously. "He's always claiming he wants to protect everyone!"
Uryu had managed to dry his tears, and just looked away with a deep sigh. "I-I can't tell you…" He didn't know how much they knew of the way Ichigo was suffering, and he didn't want to be the one to tell them about that. That was up to the Substitute himself.
The mod-soul didn't let up, his voice piercing the heavy tension. "Then tell me the reason why you're so nervous about staying here?"
"Kon!" Isshin yelled.
"I'm just trying to help, Isshin!"
Uryu sighed, and gathered his courage while the others kept arguing. They were going to keep prying about that anyway, so with a very small voice, he admitted, "W-we're no longer… friends."
"What?" Both men replied in unison, turning towards him again.
Uryu felt his confidence crumble again, but needed to get the words out. Shielding his face with his hair by looking down, he muttered: "We're… no longer… friends."
"Uryu-kun…" Isshin's voice was filled with obvious worry, and the Quincy felt the man reach for one of his hands, offering his support. "After everything you've faced together? What has happened between you?"
Uryu sighed deeply, and felt tears well up in his eyes once more. "Ichigo… wants me to keep away from him. T-that's all I can tell you…" He had already let them in on more than he'd wanted, he really couldn't broach a subject as heavy as this.
"Ishida," the mod-soul tried, "we just want to help you. Please tell us what on earth is going on?"
"I-I know, but…. I just can't…" the Quincy stammered.
Suddenly, Isshin wrapped his arms around him and pulled him against his chest, taking Uryu completely off-guard.
"It's alright, son," the Shinigami whispered. "We can't force you to tell us, we understand you have your reasons, but we know it has to be serious for you to respond like this."
A broken sob escaped Uryu's lips. "I-I'm sorry…" He clutched the Shinigami's shirt beneath his fingers, trying to refrain from weeping, but failing miserably. "I'm sorry…"
Isshin hugged him tight. "You're not alone in this, son. We want to help you."
"Yeah," Kon interjected, trying to sooth Uryu by rubbing his back, "we're your friends, Ishida."
After hearing those words, Uryu lost it again. Grabbing fistfuls of Isshin's shirt, losing all his composure, wailing and trembling, while the man just held him tight. Something Ryuuken had never done, nor never would.
Both the Shinigami and the mod-soul fell silent for a moment, and just let Uryu cry. They were so kind to him, and all he could do was lie or hold his tongue. He truly wished he could tell them about his pathetic life, but he couldn't risk his father to find out that his prejudices about him had been right all along, and that he was indeed… trash. Nor would he be able to stay here. After everything Ichigo had already told him, he was certain the other boy would kick him out in a fit of anger.
"We've got you, son," Isshin whispered as he broke the embrace. "Remember that you can always talk to us."
"T-thank you." Uryu tried to regain a little of his self-control, frantically wiping his tears away. Crying had made him feel exhausted again, but at least, his chest felt a little less tight than it had before.
"I get that you don't want to involve us, Ishida," Kon suddenly said, "but can't you at least stay over for a few days? Sitting in that apartment of yours, all by yourself, doesn't seem like such a good idea right now."
Yeah, they had no idea…
"That would be my recommendation as well, Uryu-kun," Isshin added. "I know you are in trouble and it's obvious how distressed you are, so won't you consider staying here for at least a little while?"
Uryu's eyes widened in surprise. Isshin had offered him a place to stay without him even having to ask. The thought of not having to sleep under that bridge again ignited a glimmer of hope in his broken heart. However, the realization that Ichigo would never allow it soon washed over him, causing his expression to fall once more. "I... would love that, but..."
"Still concerned about Ichigo, huh?" Kon asked. Uryu didn't need to say a word; his expression said it all.
"Is this fight between you two really that bad?" Isshin asked, sounding concerned. "I'm sorry, Uryu-kun, but I have difficulties accepting that. Ichigo can be a handful, I'll give you that, but he's also forgiving. I'll talk to him about this, and hopefully, we can work it out."
Uryu sighed regretfully. No, it was even worse than what they could imagine… "Ichigo… won't want me here… I am sure of that. I would love to stay a few nights, but I really need to leave before he gets here."
"Oww, come on," Kon said, exasperatedly. "Let us talk to him. We can handle him."
"Y-yes, but-"
"Just think about it, Uryu-kun. It's Sunday afternoon now, and we don't expect Ichigo back before Tuesday evening. If you want to leave before he gets here, I won't stand in your way. But you can also stay here and let us talk to him. What harm could come from that, right?" Isshin smiled, and Uryu knew he meant well, but... remembering his last interactions with Ichigo, he had little hope that anything was going to change between them.
On a deep sigh, the Quincy announced: "I'll think about it, Isshin-san, but-"
Kon cut him off and tousled his hair. "That's more like it, Ishida."
"There's no problem at all, son. You can stay here for as long as you want. Let us handle Ichigo." Isshin winked. "Tell you what, I'll call you two in sick tomorrow, and that way you can sleep in, and recover some more, as I reckon that would really be good for you."
That sounded too good to be true, and Uryu could really use another day of respite. If only to feel up to it to go back to school again and think of ways to stand up to Keigo and his followers. Besides that, he would be granted a soft bed, delicious food and a bath for at least another day, and that was too good to pass up.
"Thank you, Isshin-san. That would indeed help me recover some more. But, are you sure Ichigo-"
"Won't be back until Tuesday," Kon added, smiling. "At least, stay here until that's dork's back. Alright?"
"I'll think about it, Kon." Uryu said, still a little hesitantly. "But I can stay over until tomorrow, at least."
"Great." Kon beamed before giving Uryu a wink. "And tomorrow, I'll convince you to stay another day."
Isshin burst out into laughter, and changed the tense atmosphere in the room just like that. "I gotta warn you, son. Kon can be really persuasive if he wants."
"You bet!" The mod-soul grinned.
Uryu's lips curved into a soft smile, before another annoying thought suddenly crossed his mind again. "Isshin-san, I am really grateful, but-"
"Ooww, don't mention it, Uryu-kun," the Shinigami cut him off, eyes twinkling. "I've been friends with your father for sooo long and-"
"But please, don't inform Ryuuken about any of this," Uryu continued, trying not to get agitated simply by thinking of that man.
Isshin looked at him intently. Then, as he scratched the back of his head, he answered: "If that's what you want, Uryu-kun. But why?"
"Please," the Quincy lowered his head, immediately silencing the others with his humbleness – something they probably hadn't expected from him. This was the second time he had bowed to them with the same request, and he hoped they would respect his wish.
"Alright, son. You have my word. If that's really what you want."
"Thank you, Isshin-san."
They gazed at each-other in mutual respect, smiling softly for a few seconds before Kon suddenly changed the mood again.
"Now, for my favorite desert! It's been watching me for long enough."
"Oooh! Yes!" the Shinigami exclaimed and grabbed the plate with both his hands to bring it close to his face. "How could I forget about you, my wonderful lemon pie. Come to daddy!"
With that, both men attacked their plates and encouraged Uryu to do the same. He couldn't help but chuckle at their behavior, before he graciously accepted said treat to help settle his nerves. The tea had now become tepid, but he didn't mind. He couldn't even remember when he had last enjoyed a cup of tea?
For the rest of that day, Uryu resided in the company of Kon and Ichigo's family, trying to figure out what to do after he'd have to leave this place again. Being so emotionally drained as he was, he just tried to go along with whatever the others were doing, and just indulged in feeling normal for once.
After Yuzu had prepared a feast fit for a king for dinner, and Uryu had been given the privilege of using their bath again, he felt very sleepy. He decided to get all the rest he could this evening because he knew he'd have to go back to sleeping on his cardboard cot soon enough.
Freshly washed and wearing one of the Substitute's pajamas again, Uryu got under the covers and stretched out in bed, sighing as he was welcomed by Ichigo's soothing scent. Then, Kon entered the room.
Sleepy?" the mod-soul asked.
Uryu nodded. "Yes, I feel completely drained."
"It's my bedtime, too," Kon joked as he came to sit on the edge of the bed. "Don't worry, I'll sleep on the floor. Karin already thinks we're…. well…. You know."
"R-right," Uryu blushed, making the other chuckle. "But Kon… then where have you been sleeping these last 2 nights?"
"Oh. Well, on the floor." Kon scratched the back of his head.
"But-" Uryu sat up and wanted to protest, but the mod-soul cut him off.
"That's alright, Ishida. I know you really needed to rest. I don't mind. At least when I'm in this body, it's no big deal to sleep, you know." Kon's eyes took on a more melancholic look before he continued, "Unlike when I'm trapped in that stupid plushie that Ichigo loves to kick around."
Uryu could see right through the hurt Kon tried to conceal. He knew the mod-soul could be a bit wild and eccentric at times, but Kon hadn't asked for his life to be this way; he just tried to help Ichigo out. Even when he got a little over-excited at times upon seeing pretty girls, Ichigo and Rukia didn't need to be so harsh on him. Kon, of course, tried to hide from the Substitute that it got to him, but he'd opened up to Uryu when he was mending him before, so the Quincy knew.
"W-would you mind… sharing Ichigo's bed?" Uryu asked hesitantly. At the surprised look the mod-soul threw him, he hastily started to clarify. "I-I am very grateful that you're willing to give up the bed for my sake, b-but it saddens me to have you sleep on the floor. T-there is enough space for both of us, a-and… I swear to god I'll k-keep to myself, a-and-"
"Ishida," Kon cut him off again, smiling. "It's alright. You don't have to justify yourself. We're friends, you know."
"Well, y-yes, but…" Uryu sighed and averted his gaze. "None of my other friends have been acceptive of the idea that… that I'm…" He trailed off, unable to voice the word 'gay'. Seeing the reactions that term had stirred up with his 'friends'. His broken heart clenched at that thought while making the word uncomfortable swirl inside his mind.
Suddenly, Kon placed a hand on his shoulder. "Well if there's one thing I can tell you, it's that I'm definitely not like the others. So if you're okay with me sleeping next to you, why should I pass up a perfectly fine bed."
That made Uryu look up in relief and a small smile curved his lips. It might not be a big deal for Kon, but it was for him.
The mod-soul proceeded to brush his teeth and got ready for bed. In the meantime, Uryu had folded his glasses and put them on the night-stand. He scooted over to make room and stared at the ceiling.
"So you're really, really okay with sleeping next to... someone like me?" Uryu asked, still a little hesitant when he felt the mattress shift as Kon got into the bed.
"Yes, Ishida, as long as I don't have to touch you, I'm totally fine with this," Kon laughed.
Uryu, however, couldn't help it and knew his face shifted into a pained expression, still looking up. He knew the mod-soul was oblivious to all the humiliation he had already suffered, or what had transpired between Ichigo and him, but it stung nonetheless. "I… I'll make note of that."
"Ah, shit…" Kon muttered. "Sorry, that was supposed to be a joke, but… I'm so stupid sometimes. I didn't mean a simple touch, I meant… Crap, I'll just shut up."
"It's alright," Uryu answered, closing his eyes. "Goodnight."
"Sleep tight." With that, the mod-soul in Ichigo's body turned out the light and went to lay on his side, facing him.
After they'd laid there in silence for a little while, Kon's breathing started evening out as his body relaxed.
However tired the Quincy was, he found it hard to fall asleep. His broken heart started racing from the familiar warmth and scent radiating from Ichigo's body. He'd invited Kon to share the bed with him, it was his own dumb fault. He should've known it would be like this.
Unable to help himself, the Quincy turned on his side to face Ichigo's sleeping face, illuminated by a few moonbeams that slipped beneath the curtains. He looked so very peaceful this way, and it brought back a few memories of the time they had been close. Uryu knew he had to let all of that go, but it was so hard.
He felt tears prick the back of his eyes when he reached out with trembling hands to wipe Ichigo's fringe out of his face. He knew he was being completely ridiculous, but his broken heart kept longing for Ichigo. And turns out, this was Kon in the other's body.
He had to put everything that had happened between them, both good and bad, behind him and try to pick up his life, but… With gentle fingers, he softly caressed the other boy's cheek. How naive he was, for he knew very well the Substitute hated him, and still he was incapable of killing off this absurd and painful longing for him. He was so stupid…
Uryu could no longer contain his grief and cried silent tears, his broken heart heavy with sorrow and regret. He tried to smother his sobs but couldn't prevent his body from rocking ever so lightly. As he retrieved his hand, the mod-soul suddenly opened his eyes, and just looked at him in wonder for a moment while Uryu quickly wiped his eyes on a stuttering breath.
"You're in love with him, aren't you?"
"W-what?" Uryu croaked, lower lip trembling.
"I know I'm just a stupid mod-soul, but I'm also a master of love, Ishida." An empathic smile curved Kon's lips. "I noticed you giving me this look every once in a while, when I took over Ichigo's body. I thought I was imagining things, but… Now that I know for certain you prefer boys, it all made sense. You are in love with Ichigo."
Uryu felt his face flush and looked away. He hadn't realized he had been so obvious about it, especially when Kon was in the Substitute's body. Ichigo had never noticed anything. "S-sorry… I didn't want... I mean, it's not... you're not Ichigo, a-and..."
All at once, Kon clasped one of his hands, making Uryu gasp in surprise. "It's alright, Ishida. I can tell this love makes you suffer. This is the reason that stupid Ichigo has pushed you away, isn't it?"
Well, Kon's deduction was at least partly right, as besides that, Ichigo still couldn't process whatever had happened during their imprisonment. Feeling vulnerable, Uryu felt tears spill from his eyes once more as his face fell in sorrow and he could only stutter: "S-sorry, Kon… I-I know this… is not r-right, b-but…"
The mod-soul entwined their fingers of the hand he was still holding. "Love is never wrong, Ishida. Ichigo is just a nitwit for turning a gorgeous, passionate boy like you down." Uryu's pupils grew wide when Kon's free hand glided through his hair as he soothed, "Unfortunately, being quite the boob-magnet myself, this is the only comfort I can give you."
Feeling his defences unravel as the mod-soul had effectively laid his heart and soul bare, Uryu failed to maintain his composure and just cried. All the while Kon kept their fingers entwined, unknowing that Ichigo had also used that gesture to sooth Uryu before he had shut his heart off from him and cut their ties. "T-thank you… K-Kon…"
The other caressed his hair again and whispered, "Just cry till you feel better, Uryu. I'll be here watching you fall asleep. Everything is gonna be alright."
And with that, feeling a little warmth spread in his broken heart at the unselfish care the mod-soul bestowed upon him, Uryu cried until he felt sleep pull him under, grateful that Kon was his friend.
Slowly, Uryu's sleep-induced mind started waking up at the sound of several voices. They were arguing about something he couldn't yet comprehend. He squinted his eyes at the soft December 1st morning sunlight, which gently filtered through the curtains, casting a warm and golden glow into the room, in contrast with the chilly temperature outside.
As the voices fell silent, the Quincy's hazy brain slowly unclouded at the sight of someone hovering over him. The orange hair gave the other away and a smile appeared on Uryu's face.
"Good morning, Kon."
However, the mod-soul didn't greet him back, but gritted his teeth. Surprised, the Quincy blinked his eyes a few times to focus properly, before the other suddenly pushed his glasses onto the bridge of his nose.
At the sight of those furious brown eyes boring a hole through him, Uryu felt his heart stop.
His lower lip started to quiver as he tentatively asked: "K-Kurosaki?"
As if the black Shihakusho or his ruthless eyes didn't already gave him away, Uryu quickly glanced sideways to find Kon still inside Ichigo's body sleeping next to him.
"Get. Out. Of. My. Bed." Ichigo sneered. "NOW!"
Unable to get his body into action at the familiar numbing caused by the Substitute angrily looming over him, Uryu gasped in shock, his eyes frantically darting around the room. Standing behind Ichigo were Renji and Rukia, looking aghast.
Then, the red-head gave him an angry glare. "You sure have a knack of showing up at the worst of moments, Ishida."
"Hmmm? What?" Kon stirred, bringing their still clasped hands on top of the covers.
Uryu had felt so supported by their joined hands, that he hadn't even realized he was still holding Kon's. The sight of their locked hands seemed to double Ichigo's murderous intent and he breathed angrily. Uryu gulped from the anxiety that was rising in his chest, quickly letting go of Kon's hand. "K-Kurosaki, I… I can explain."
No he couldn't. He had known precisely Ichigo would react like this, hence he had wanted to leave before he got back. Only… nobody had foreseen the Substitute would return from Soul Society on Monday morning, and he had obviously outstayed his welcome.
Ichigo grabbed a fistful of Uryu's pyjamas, making him yelp as panic started spreading. "I don't care. I'll make this easy for you. Get out of my house!"
"Ichigo!" Rukia came close. "Ishida probably has a good reason for-"
"I don't care, Rukia! I told you that he never listens to me!"
"What's all this ruckus!" Kon jolted up. "The hell is going on? I'm trying to sleep here!" Then his eyes got caught between Ichigo and Uryu, and he swallowed at the sight. "I-Ichigo, you're back early. Why?"
The Substitute shifted his attention to Kon. "Why? Is me returning early inconvenient for you two? Did I disturb your alone time together? Has Ishida wrapped you around his finger now?"
"Hey! Don't take this out on him!" The mod-soul jumped out of the bed, while Uryu was still unable to move because of the intimidating figure still hovering over him. "You have no idea what has happened here, you asshole!"
Ichigo grabbed Kon by the collar. "Then, what the hell were you two doing in my bed, Kon?"
The mod-soul pushed him back, giving Uryu room to breathe again so he could finally sit up. "What do you think, you moron? I just gave that poor boy the comfort he so desperately needed."
Although Kon had told the truth, an eerie silence fell over the room at the unsettling ambiguity of that revelation. Uryu's heart throbbed in his chest as Ichigo's eyes locked onto his, his utter shock clearly visible.
Oh god…
Tension hung heavy in the air, and for a few excruciating seconds, Ichigo's eyes darted back and forth between Uryu and Kon. Then, a transformation overtook Ichigo's features, and fury radiated from his flushed face. Of course, he had to misinterpret Kon's remark as if they'd slept together. Of course...
"N-no, that's not what he-" Uryu attempted to clarify Kon's words but was swiftly silenced.
Ichigo closed the distance between them, eyes absolutely ablaze with indignation and disbelief, as he lashed out: "Ishida, how dare you? In my own bed? With that mod-soul? Have you no shame? You dirty, little…"
Uryu's face fell, and he could easily guess whatever profanity Ichigo would label him with. Again. His heart ached at being cruelly judged again without even having the chance to explain anything, and he struggled to maintain his composure, looking away. His eyes found Rukia and Renji gaping at him. Rukia looked absolutely flabbergasted and Uryu didn't know if she had also taken the ambiguity of the situation the wrong way or not. By the way Renji was blushing and glaring at the same time, he obviously had. Uryu's voice deserted him, and he felt his energy drain away.
"Back off, you idiot!" Kon pushed Ichigo aside again, clearly revelling in the strength he currently possessed while in this body. "Ishida hasn't done anything wrong! What is your problem? Shouting at him like that?"
"I'll tell you what my problem is, you hentai mod-soul!" The Substitute yelled, grabbing Kon's wrists to push him down onto the bed. "I thought you were into girls, Kon. So whatever Ishida has put in that dumb head of yours-"
"What's that supposed to mean, you jerk?" Kon kicked him back, clearly oblivious to the misunderstanding. "That boy's been on edge the whole weekend, dreading your return, and now I see why. You should take better care of your friends, you dick! I, at least, provided him with-"
"SHUT UP!" Ichigo yelled, smacking Kon in the face. "I don't wanna know! How dare you use my body like that!"
"Ichigo!" Both Rukia and Renji shouted and dashed towards him to prevent the situation from spiralling out of control any further. Renji grabbed hold of the Substitute, while Rukia stepped in between him and Kon.
"The fuck is your problem, you violent asshole!" the mod-soul spat. "You've gone completely mental, Ichigo!"
"Get out of my body, you pervert!" Ichigo screamed before turning his heated gaze towards Uryu again. "And you, you little tramp, wait until-"
There. Ichigo had said it. As expected.
Uryu winced, averting his eyes in shame while his broken heart fractured a little more. Ichigo always thought the worst of him. Even after everything that had happened to them. Of course he wouldn't sleep with Kon, just because he happened to be in Ichigo's body. It stung and made his confidence crumble. Although it wasn't the first time he'd been accused of going after anyone with a dick. Keigo and his gang loved to spout that nonsense as well.
He had known it would be like this. He had. But the warmth Ichigo's family had shown him over the weekend had almost made him believe that things could be different, that they could get through to Ichigo, that something might change for the better. Almost... But now, that little ray of hope had to make way for bitter reality again.
There was no way out for trash like him...
All at once, Isshin barged into the room. "What in hell's blazes is going on in here?" It only took the man a handful seconds to assess the situation, his uncharacteristic stern gaze shifting between Kon, Renji, and Rukia, his fuming son, and the distressed Quincy still sitting in bed. "I see," Isshin sighed. "Thank goodness Karin and Yuzu are at school. With all the commotion you've caused in here."
"But, dad, those two were-"
"Ichigo!" Isshin interrupted him, instantly silencing the room. "We'll discuss this downstairs."
"Fuck!" Ichigo cursed, shoving Renji away. "What's there to discuss, old man? I want Ishida out of my house!"
"Ichigo! That's enough!" Isshin stood his ground.. "Uryu-kun is my guest."
"Uryu-kun?" Ichigo shot the Quincy an angry look again. "I see he has you wrapped around his finger as well, dad."
At that, the Shinigami glared in return. "Downstairs, now, Ichigo!"
With a growl, the Substitute pushed Kon, causing him to trip backward onto the bed with a startled yelp, before heading downstairs as his father had commanded, cursing loudly.
It only took a few seconds before Renji broke the heavy silence in the room. "Ishida, what the fuck are you doing here? Do you have any idea what Ichigo's been going through?"
"Renji!" Rukia silenced him. "I'm sure Ishida has a perfectly good reason for being here."
Uryu was having a hard time to get himself together again and didn't have an answer to that right now. All this judgment he received wherever he went was suffocating him. While the only thing he sought… was a friend. And a place where he could belong.
His eyes found Kon's worried gaze while he got out from under the covers and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, where he let his face sink into his hands to think for a second.
"Are you deaf, Quincy?" Renji snarled. "I asked you a question."
Uryu still didn't react, but felt Kon get off the bed, voice filled with determination as he said: "Back off, Shinigami! Ishida really doesn't need any of this shit right now, you moron. Cut the kid some slack."
Taking a deep breath, Uryu looked up to find three pairs of eyes on him. "Thanks, Kon, but… I knew it would go like this. That's why I wanted to leave before Ichigo got here."
"Yeah, I get it now. He's totally lost it, but I told you we could handle him, Ishida. Isshin's talking to him right now, and I'm sure he'll-"
"No," the Quincy cut Kon off, standing up in the process. "I appreciate everything you two have done for me these last few days, but it's time for me to go."
"But… at least give Isshin a chance." Kon tried, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You've been feeling so unwell, and…"
Uryu sighed in regret. "I can't, Kon. Ichigo is never going to allow me to stay here."
"You got that right!" Renji suddenly blurted out. Stepping towards him angrily. "After all those times Ichigo has told you to stay away from him, you just won't listen. You think he enjoys doing this, you pathetic ex-Quincy-"
"Renji!"
"No, I won't shut up, Rukia! Ichigo is completely going to lose it if you don't do as he says. He's only got your safety at heart, you idiot!"
"Of course he does," Uryu retorted with a glare that matched Renji's. "Doesn't he always."
At that, he quickly shrugged out of Ichigo's pajama shirt and was about to remove the bottoms when his eyes found Rukia, gaping at him and flushed crimson. A little colour rose to his own cheeks at that. He wouldn't normally undress in front of others like this, but he just needed to get away and thus needed to put on some clothes.
"Uum… I'll go take a look downstairs. You, umm, continue." Embarrassed, Rukia rushed toward the door before disappearing downstairs.
"Look what you've done now, Ishida. That's the second time within 10 minutes you've embarrassed yourself in front of us Shinigami."
Uryu angrily pushed his pajama pants down and stepped out of them. "Whatever, Abarai," he countered. "I can't do anything right anyway. If you don't want to watch me get dressed out of fear I might jump you, I suggest you follow your girlfriend downstairs."
Renji croaked, his face turning a dark shade of red. "W-what? Rukia and I… we're not…"
"Oh, now who's embarrassed?" Kon smirked. "As if anybody here believes you two aren't banging each other."
"Why, you-"
While Renji and Kon started arguing after that, Uryu took the reprieve to get into his borrowed clothes again. He sighed, grabbed his school bag, and made sure his washed and ironed uniform was in there before he headed for the stairs.
Uryu stopped to take a deep breath. Even though Isshin and Ichigo were having a heated conversation in the living room, with the door closed, their argument was so loud that the Quincy could understand every word.
"No, dad, I already told you! He needs to leave!"
"Ichigo, I can't believe you're acting like this. I promised Uryu-kun I would talk some sense into you. I have difficulties to comprehend that you turned your back on him. Why?"
"That's none of your business, old man!" Ichigo was audibly only growing angrier by the second. "Besides, didn't he give you his version of the story?"
Isshin sighed. "He didn't, Ichigo, but it was obvious to me he was struggling with a lot of things."
"Good! Then back off and let me show him the door."
With leaden feet, Uryu started descending the stairs, feeling his broken heart grow heavier with each step.
"Did you even notice how thin Uryu-kun has become? Looks to me like he's barely eating anything. And all those bruises. How can you not see that, Ichigo?"
"Like I have nothing better to do than watch him all day long, you old goat!"
"Listen to me, son! That boy is in some serious trouble. He won't open up to me, but surely, you can-"
"No! He has to go! I have told him to stay away from me so many times, but he just won't listen!"
"He didn't even come here by choice, Ichigo. Don't pretend you don't know anything about what's going on at school."
"School? What's that got to do with him sleeping in my bed?"
"Kon found him collapsed on the streets Friday evening and brought him here. He had been beaten up and needed medical attention. I tell you, he's in trouble and we should help him."
Ichigo remained silent for a second before exploding, "Oh man, if I find out he's been fighting Hollows again, I'm gonna lose it! After everything I'm trying to keep that moron safe. I fucking want him out of my house!"
"Are you even listening to me?" Isshin raised his voice to make himself heard. "Why should Uryu-kun go after Hollows? You know he's lost his powers. Besides, I know for a fact that he's being bullied."
Ichigo scoffed. "He must be over-exaggerating again. I'm sure it are just some pranks at school. Fucking drama-queen..."
Isshin took in an exasperated breath, understanding that his son was not listening.
Meanwhile, the Quincy had made it down, his injured foot still hurting. As he slowly rounded the corner towards the door of the living room and the hallway, he found Rukia pacing in front of the closed door. When their eyes locked, she gave him an empathic look, but remained silent so the Shinigami's inside wouldn't hear her.
"Over-exaggerating? Are you serious, Ichigo?"
"Yes, he's been playing that card ever since we got back from Szayelaporro's dump!"
All at once, the door flew open and Isshin marched towards the front door where he picked something up and returned. Before he stepped inside, his eyes found Uryu and he sighed. "I'm not done with him, Uryu-kun. Don't give up hope yet." he whispered, but before the Quincy could answer anything to that, he stomped back inside.
"Look! These are his shoes! They're all cut up, and he had pieces of glass in his foot, Ichigo!"
The Substitute was quiet for a second, before taking in a deep breath. "Why did you leave the door open, old man?"
"Oh, does that matter to you, son? I'm sure everybody is already listening to us anyway."
"What?" Suddenly, Ichigo's fuming face appeared in front of Uryu who was gathering his courage in the hallway, knowing he needed to go, but he wanted to thank Isshin before he left. "Listening in, Ishida? Well, I hope it was entertaining."
Rukia stepped up before Ichigo could take it any further. "It's not like he wanted to, Ichigo. Everyone in the house could hear your conversation."
"You got that right," Kon blurted out, standing at the bottom of the stairs, along with Renji. "I see you're not open to reason, Ichigo. I brought Ishida here while he was unconscious. He hasn't done anything wrong, yet you-"
"Oh yeah?" the Substitute pushed Rukia and Uryu aside and marched up to his body. "You should keep your perverted trap shut, lecturing me after what you two did!"
"You shut up!" Kon retorted, clearly done with backing down. "Besides, what is it that you think we did that pisses you off so much?"
Uryu cringed. Oh, this was going to get even worse. He shouldn't have stayed over last night, he had wanted to avoid all of this. Ichigo hated him and there was nothing that got through to him when he was acting like this. That much, he knew.
Renji scoffed, and Uryu immediately knew the oaf was going to play his usual part.
"What do you think, you stupid mod-soul. Of course he's pissed you pounded Ishida into his mattress using his body."
Kon's mouth dropped open and for a long heavy second he just gaped at Uryu, then at Ichigo to end with Isshin who came to stand next to his son with a raised eyebrow.
"W-what? You think I… that Ishida and I have… Have all of you gone completely crazy?"
"Well, I'm sure Kon can explain-" Isshin wanted to say, but Ichigo cut him off.
"Shut up! He already admitted to his perversion!"
"I did no such thing, you asshole! Soul society has gotten you brain-dead or something!"
While Kon and Ichigo glared daggers at each other, Uryu felt his blood pressure act up and leaned against the wall. He was not up to a confrontation of this magnitude and just needed to get away. He cursed himself for not sneaking out of the house while Ichigo and Isshin were yelling at each other, but the latter had been really kind to him and he had just wanted to thank him, at least.
"Ishida, are you alright?" Rukia suddenly addressed him. "You look paler than before."
"I'll be fine, Kuchiki-san," he replied, trying to sound confident.
Isshin was beside him in an instant. "You're not looking too well, indeed, Uryu-kun. Please, come into the living room and sit down while I get you a bite to eat."
"Daaad!"
Ichigo promptly shot him down and Uryu averted his gaze towards the man in front of him. "Thank you, Isshin-san, but I've told you Ichigo would never allow me to stay here. I'm really grateful for all you have done for me, but I really need to get going."
"Finally!" Ichigo rejoiced.
"Ichigo, your manners!" Isshin was clearly not going to have any of this and just pushed the Quincy towards his couch. "Let's continue our conversation in here. I'm not done yet."
"No, Isshin-san, I really have to go," he replied, but then a wave of blood pressure induced dizziness overwhelmed him from all the excitement, and he clutched his head on a muffled groan.
The Shinigami guided him onto the couch. "Nonsense, son. Just sit down and I'll get you something."
While it took Uryu a small moment to grasp what was happening, Ichigo and the others had all stepped into the living room and were all watching him, making the Quincy feel really uncomfortable.
"God fucking dammit, Ishida! I want you to leave! Now!"
"Yes, that was obvious, Kurosaki," Uryu looked up at him, his confidence crumbling a little more at the cut-throat look the other boy threw him. He sighed and took a deep breath to try and calm down.
"Shut up, you jerk! Can't you see he's not feeling well?"
While Kon and the Substitute went at it again, Isshin returned with a glass of water and an onigiri.
"Here, son, freshly made by Yuzu this morning." At Uryu's visible hesitance because of the hostility Ichigo was radiating from only a few steps away, the man encouraged, "Please, eat up, Uryu-kun. You'll feel better."
The doctor was right, of course, but Uryu still felt his anxiety rise because of the tension in the room. "A-alright, but after, I really need to-"
"Eat already, so I can kick you out!" Ichigo yelled at him.
"Ichigo!" His father retorted. "I have never seen you like this. Uryu-kun hasn't done anything wrong, so why are you so agitated!"
"That's none of your business, old man!"
Uryu sighed and decided to try and save a little of his dignity by telling the truth. "Kurosaki, if it makes you feel better, K-Kon and I h-haven't…" He felt all eyes on him in a flash and looked down, heat rising to his too-pale cheeks. "W-we just held hands."
"Yeah, you dick," Kon waved his fist at Ichigo. "Told ya I comforted him, didn't I. Stupid moron!"
Renji burst into laughter. "Oh my god!" He elbowed Rukia. "Did you hear that? They held hands. Oh, my poor heart. Oh, such love."
"Renji!" The girl kneed him.
"T-that was count n-number three, Ishida," the red-head groaned while straightening up again.
The Quincy glared at him. "That was your second count as well, Abarai."
While Uryu was eating the offered food, Ichigo was pacing around him, clearly eager to throw him out.
"Ichigo, try to calm down," Rukia suggested. "You've had a few rough days and this will only make you feel worse."
"How can I calm down, Rukia, " he retorted. "All this time, I've been trying so hard and yet, here he is. That stupid Quincy."
"Ichigo!" his father shouted. "What on earth has gotten in to you? You've always been a good-hearted kid, a little protective towards everyone, but this? What has that boy done to receive such hatred?"
Uryu sighed, standing up after drinking some water. "It's alright, Isshin-san. I had expected this, that's why I wanted to leave before he got back."
"Oh, you expected this? How sweet." Ichigo marched up towards the Quincy, shooting him down with his eyes. "After all the trouble I went through, you keep ignoring everything I say. You always need to be the centre of attention. I wanted you to be safe, but your behaviour keeps on getting more and more out of control, and-" the Substitute gave Uryu a hard push, making him stumble on of his painful foot.
"Ichigo!" at least 2 voices yelled.
The boy didn't stop and proceeded to yell in Uryu's face: "You have to keep away from me, Ishida! You fucking burden!"
Uryu swallowed because Ichigo seemed to lose it right in front of him. He knew all of that already, but… Maybe if he could tell him the secret he'd been keeping for months, maybe if the Substitute knew, it would take the edge off of his anger and he could finally try to find a way out.
And so, Uryu tried to appeal to the person he cherished more than anything. His eyes sought Ichigo's and his voice quivered slightly. "Kurosaki… I know that you are aware of everything that has happened in that prison. I know that Espada showed you the truth. My father told me."
Ichigo's mouth fell open and his pupils widened in shock. "H-he has? You k-knew?"
"God fucking dammit, Ishida!" Renji suddenly yelled from the side. "I told you to shove it!"
Ichigo fell completely still and gaped at Renji before turning his attention back towards the Quincy, his brain trying to catch on. Uryu tried to reach out to him by placing a hand on his shoulder. "Please, Kurosaki, I know that you didn't want for any of that to happen, but taking it out on me is-"
The Substitute slapped his hand aside, and his furious eyes bore a hole right through him. "How long have you known?" He grabbed Uryu by the collar of his borrowed hoodie. "How long?"
"Ichigo!" Isshin tried to get his attention, but it was futile.
"Since school started," Uryu admitted, still trying to keep calm even though his anxiety started rising again. If only the other boy would open up to him again. "Nothing has changed for me. I still offer my forgiveness, so please-"
"S-shut up," Ichigo muttered, his heated eyes ablaze with hatred. "I don't wanna hear it!"
Mad at the constant rejection even though he wanted nothing more than to give the other boy the salvation he so desperately needed, Uryu could no longer hold his tongue.
"Kurosaki… don't you understand that the way you're treating me now is even worse than anything that happened in that prison? Because this time you're doing those things consciously and willingly."
Ichigo's eyes widened as the weight of those words sank in. He probably hadn't wanted to hear such words, but they were true. This time, Ichigo was hurting him without the aggression meds, without the mind control. He did it all of his own accord, and he didn't care about the way he made him feel.
The entire room had fallen completely silent, and all eyes were directed at the Quincy and the Substitute. For a second, Uryu thought he had finally managed to reach the devastated boy inside Ichigo when he noticed tears welling up in his eyes. With trembling hands, Uryu softly brushed his cheek, hoping beyond hope that things could still be mended between them.
Then, all at once, Ichigo's face transitioned from hurt to fury, and he slapped Uryu so hard across his face that he flew onto the floor on his back.
"Icihgo!" Isshin shouted, but the Substitute ignored everybody in the room and jumped the dazed Quincy sprawled out on the floor.
"You're the reason my life is completely fucked up, Ishida! I wish you'd just go kill yourself somewhere! I wish you would just die!"
On a shuddering breath, Uryu's eyes widened in shock, and he fell completely silent. Those words cut him deep, right to his core, and he knew there wasn't a chance he could hide how deeply they had hurt him. His lower lip trembled, tears stinging his eyes from the unbearable heartache that shattered his broken heart.
Ichigo was now beyond his reach, and the words he had just hurled at him left him feeling utterly devastated.
Suddenly, Isshin appeared next to his son and struck him hard, piercing the heavy silence in the room. "Have you completely lost your mind, Ichigo? How can you even say something like that?"
While Uryu did his best to keep at least some of his composure, he watched in disbelief how the furious look on Ichigo's face melted away and tears came pouring down his face, his steadfast composure crumbling completely.
"Dad, I… I c-can't do this a-anymore…" Sobbing, Ichigo staggered towards his father and collapsed at his feet. "I can't t-take it a-anymore… i-it's so h-hard…."
Isshin crouched down to gather his son in his arms, clearly worried sick. "Ichigo, what's wrong? Talk to me, son. Ichigo?"
The Substitute didn't answer but instead grabbed fistfuls of his father's clothes, completely losing control in front of everybody. Rukia and Renji rushed to Isshin's side, trying to comfort their wailing hero with gentle touches and encouraging words.
That was more than Uryu could handle right now. Amidst all the heavy commotion he got back onto his feet and pushed his body over its limits by jolting towards the hallway. There, he grabbed the bag he had left, his coat, and the borrowed shoes by the entrance before making a run for it.
"Ishida, wait!" Kon yelled after him, but he couldn't stay any longer. He had to get away as fast as he could, and the gnawing burn in his heart fuelled his unsteady legs and injured foot with the adrenaline needed for escape.
Ichigo had just wished him dead. Ichigo, the one he loved. And nobody had said anything in his defence. While Rukia and Renji had immediately showered the Substitute with their usual support, they had simply ignored him. He was nothing more than an unwanted stray, a powerless, pathetic ex-Quincy, no longer of any use to a Shinigami and his friends.
Tears streamed down his face as he dashed away, heart racing and breath quivering. It was clear nobody wanted him. The little hope he'd nurtured during his stay at the Kurosaki's, the hope that maybe he could still belong somewhere, shattered as the cold grip of reality tightened around his throat, choking him in misery.
He hadn't had any say or control over anything that had happened in Szayelaporro's lab, but how dearly he had to pay for the consequences. People he once thought of as friends lashed out at him, judging him for things beyond his control. It crushed him.
Suddenly, Renji shunpo-ed in front of him and he crashed into the man's chest, caught completely off guard. Struggling to regain his balance and breathing heavily, he felt strong hands grip him under his arms. The Shinigami, not too gently, pressed him against the nearest house's wall to prevent him from tumbling over.
"Found ya."
Uryu looked up at him and when he saw the stern look on Renji's face, he felt his self-esteem crumble again.
"W-what do you want, A-Abarai?" Uryu stuttered, tears still spilling from his eyes.
"How could you be so stupid, Ishida? I told you not to tell Ichigo that you knew about him knowing the truth. I fucking told ya!"
Feeling vulnerable after such a devastating blow from Ichigo, the Quincy tried to reclaim some of his composure, but he couldn't possibly hide his hurt as inside… he was dying.
"I only wanted… to reach out to him…"
"Well, that was really dumb of you," Renji retorted. "You should've kept that to yourself. Ichigo has been having a really hard time and you just fucked everything up even more!"
Uryu had had it with their attitude, and a little Quincy pride made his sapphire eyes flare up as he snarked: "Yes, I'm stupid and a drama-queen and everything I do is dumb! Thank you for reminding me, Shinigami! I'll keep to myself! It's not like any of you care anyway!" His voice broke on that last sentence and he looked away, ashamed that he couldn't keep his emotions under control in front of this Shinigami.
Renji sighed. "Look, man, I know Ichigo shouldn't have yelled something like that at you, that's why I'm here. Even though you're a pain in the ass sometimes, we don't want you to do anything rash."
"Yeah, I bet. As if any of you would notice if I were gone…"
Suddenly, he felt a sharp sting across his cheek and realized Renji had slapped him. "Damned, Ishida, pull yourself together, man! Yes, Ichigo was cruel to you, but have you become this weak that you'd do something stupid over a few words?"
"A-a few w-words? Y-you know how I f-feel about him, and... he t-told me to... to..."
Uryu felt himself crumble, his self-esteem, confidence, and the last remnants of his shattered heart all crushed at once. He sank to the pavement, unable to restrain his tears as the overwhelming despair swallowed him whole.
Renji sighed again, while the Quincy buried his face into his hands, unable to let the Shinigami see his vulnerability any longer.
"Man, what has become of you. If Ichigo saw you like this…"
"S-shut up," Uryu retorted with as much venom as he could muster. "L-leave me a-alone. You don't k-know anything."
He couldn't take it anymore. All of his former friends were continuously judging him, accusing him, insulting him. They didn't care what became of him. They weren't his friends anymore. They were perfectly clear that he was now nothing but a millstone around their neck. All because a cruel twist of fate that had him suffer atrocities at Szayelaporro's hands, at Ichigo's hands. All because of his imprisonment that had him agonizing ever since.
"Look, Ishida;" Renji suddenly spoke, "I've seen some of the horrors they've put you through, I understand you must be suffering, but… what Ichigo has experienced there was hell and he's struggling really hard to pick up his life."
"Go away…" Uryu sobbed. He wasn't up to any lectures of a Shinigami right now. He was completely distressed and needed to lay down. Renji was not going to listen to him anyway. It was clear that the only one that mattered, was Ichigo.
"Hey, I'm trying here, ya know, you pathetic ex-Quincy!"
Another dash of Quincy pride blossomed inside Uryu's chest as he spat: "I wish I had never come to save your sorry ass from Szayelaporro! Maybe none of this crap would have happened to me!"
Renji growled. "Yeah, fine, whatever, man. Be like that then! Just don't do anything rash. Ichigo didn't meant what he said." With that, the Shinigami took off and left the grieving Quincy to his anguish.
"Y-yes, h-he did…"
Of course he did.
Ichigo still blamed him for everything that had happened, that much was clear, and there was nothing he could do about that. He had never wished to be cruelly tortured by the boy he loved, but… nobody knew of that. And the three people that did know – Ichigo, Renji and his ex-father – were all judging him for what had happened.
After Uryu had sat there, weeping, for god knew how long, he managed to stabilize his blood pressure by drinking some water and pushed himself back onto his feet.
As he sauntered back towards his hideout under the bridge, teeth chattering from the cold December air, Uryu appealed to any god or anyone who was listening for the strength to let go of Ichigo. His broken heart, now completely shattered, pushed him to stop thinking about a person who would only bring him grief. Ichigo couldn't even be his friend, least of all his boyfriend.
Sighing with deep regret, he hadn't even had the chance to thank Isshin or Kon for their kindness. For these last few days, he had finally experienced what it was like to have a loving family, to have a place to belong to. But there was no such luck for a discarded, pathetic ex-Quincy like himself.
A ray of sunlight pierced the dark clouds and Uryu raised his gaze to the sky, relishing the faint warmth it offered.
The bridge was in sight, and the look of it made the Quincy sigh in misery. There was no way out for trash like him. He would not be able to take a lot more of this. For what reason was he struggling so hard to survive? Nobody wanted him…
While dark and depressing thoughts welled up, his eyes filled with tears once more. The shadow of a once-proud Quincy stumbled toward his makeshift cot, his steps heavy as if weighed down by lead. He laid down on the cardboard and pulled his blanket over himself, hoping for any shelter from the cold. It would only get colder. If he wasn't going to freeze to death, he was going to starve. Either way, he knew his situation looked very grim. But... there was nothing he could do. He had tried so hard to find a job, to find support, to find a friend, but it had only brought him shame and grief.
Hot tears streamed down Uryu's face again and he surrendered to all he felt, utterly demotivated, and lay on his cot for hours, nearing the end of his rope.
Isshin had already called him in sick for the day, but the next day he didn't feel up to going to school either. It was only after yet another day, when his body was sore and stiff from lying in the cold, and all his water bottles were completely empty, that he dragged himself to school, hoping that everything wouldn't get even worse.
There, it turned out, Ichigo hadn't been coming to school either…