Shades Of Self Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Ben 10. I have now admitted my sorrow…

Welcome to chapter 21! Wow, this story is so nice and long now, at least for me! It's an unexpected present-day chapter too! I felt like past Ben needed a little break, but he'll be back next chapter, so don't worry.

Enjoy and I will see you all at the bottom!

"Truly the greatest bliss results from allowing our leaders to make difficult decisions in our stead, and following where we are directed."

Doctrine of The Great Ones

Warnings:

Aftermath of emotional/mental manipulation

Ben being treated like a pet

Present Day

Ben woke slowly. He felt wonderfully warm and comfortable, and snuggled deeper into the soft, leathery substance beneath him. As he became more aware of himself his location resolved itself into Master's private chambers. Of course, he had accompanied Master back to his rooms, but he had not meant to fall asleep.

Stretching slightly, he glanced around the oval chamber and sighted Master at his desk, examining a tablet intently. Ben sat up, but did not rise fully. He ran a hand through disheveled hair and yawned. He was hesitant to leave the relaxing certainty he felt in Master's presence, the assurance that everything would be fine. A small part of him just wanted to lie back down and go back to sleep. However, at his movement, the warlord turned to him, tentacles rippling in amusement.

"You must have been tired, little one."

Ben nodded, slightly abashed. He had only expected to relax for a few minutes. He didn't remember dropping off. He didn't even know how long he had been out.

Master put out a hand and Ben hopped off of the couch, trotting up beside the large chair and enjoying the contact as his head was rubbed.

"Are you feeling better, Ben?" Master stroked his cheek with one finger and Ben leaned into the touch.

"Yes, Master," he said with a small smile. He did feel better, but the thought of the prisoners was still at the back of his mind. He would like to know what was to happen to them, but he wouldn't ask; he shouldn't even care.

"Well then," Master continued, his voice a gentle rumble. His hand continued to move, the petting gentle and methodical. "Is there something you need to talk about?"

Ben considered. "No, Master," he answered honestly. There were a few concerns floating around in his head, but they weren't anything that he should bother Master with. The probable spy was still at large, or had been when he had fallen asleep, but he didn't have any new information, and the crew was already doing everything possible in that area. As for his preoccupation with the Tennysons, Master would decide what to do, and once a decision was made, Ben would feel better, he was sure.

"Are you certain?" Master pressed. "You may tell me if something distresses you."

Ben smiled again. "Yes, I'm certain, Master."

"Very well." The warlord gave Ben one final pat, then rose, placing the tablet on the desktop. "Then I must go, and you should return to your duties, Pet."

Ben nodded, grinning a little sheepishly. He shifted into his kineceleran (1) form and flashed out of the door and down the ship's corridors. He stopped briefly at his room to have a quick snack and to splash some water on his face. He still felt a little spaced out from his nap, and the water helped him to feel more alert. Then he was back out in the winding corridors. He considered where best to patrol first, then headed for the crew quarters of the ship and flashed off in that direction, arriving after a short interval. He slowed and morphed into a loboan (2), then began a quick patrol, sensitive nose twitching slightly as he searched for unfamiliar scents, ears cocked for strange noises. Any crewmembers he encountered stayed respectfully clear of him, and he was left to inspect their rooms in peace.

An hour passed this way fairly pleasantly, but when Ben had finished investigating the crew quarters, he found himself still feeling uncharacteristically preoccupied. He growled to himself resentfully, wolf-like snout pulled back in a snarl that caused a nearby maintenance worker to hurriedly change direction.

What was wrong with him? Was it so unsettling for him to meet people from his past? They didn't matter any more, or at least they shouldn't. And it wasn't as if it was the first time, either. Hadn't he learned from what happened with Kevin? Ben's ears twitched distractedly at the memory and he stilled them, annoyed. No one mattered; that's what he had learned. No one except for Master. It had not been an easy lesson, but it had been a necessary one, and one which had stuck with him through all of the subsequent tests placed in his path. It had brought him a measure of peace and contentment over the past few years.

When Master wanted him to do something he did it, regardless of what it was. He had learned not to think about the beings he killed or to care about what he did, so long as it was at Master's orders. If he let himself care he would only hurt himself.

It was a lesson he had thought he had learned by heart. So why couldn't he brush these thoughts away?

Abruptly, Ben morphed into the tiny fob again and flitted through the maze of corridors. He stayed near the ceiling, sharp eyes and sensitive ears helping him to scan the various inhabitants of the flagship as they passed beneath him. At first, he had no clear destination in mind as he fluttered through the depths of the ship, but eventually he found himself winding his way towards a particular section of the ship. He paused for a moment, debating choosing another direction but then continued on with a frustrated shake of his furry head.

He supposed another inspection wouldn't hurt.

Time passed slowly for Gwen.

There was no way to tell time in her barren cell, and although she thought it had probably only been a few hours since Ben had locked her up here and left, it felt like much longer.

She spent a good deal of her time alone alternately testing her restraints and thinking. She tried to cast spells several more times in the hope of overloading or bypassing the magical safeguards. Her attempts were unsuccessful, but she did discover that she received the same intensity of shock, regardless of the power of the spell she was casting. That was something. At least it meant that she didn't have to worry about doing permanent damage to herself in her escape attempts. She had yet to find a spell powerful enough to break through the restraints, but that didn't mean it didn't exist. Some of her spells required more elaborate movements to cast, and her position was making that difficult. She rested after each attempt, regaining her breath and gearing herself up for the next try.

While she was resting, Gwen's thoughts always seemed to wander back to her cousin. The four years he had been gone had obviously been hard on him, much harder than they had been on her. Four years was such a long time! Ben had been here with that monster the whole time, losing hope, waiting for a rescue that never came. Had he tried to escape? Had he fought back? Gwen was sure he had. She bit her lip. If only they had known he was alive!

When she had first arrived at the shattered remains of his house Gwen had hardly been able to believe it. She had not been in time to see him, or the ship which must have carried him away, but there had been no shortage of witnesses who had seen him become human, and seen Vilgax and his robots capture him and drag him onto the small red craft.

There was no time to hesitate. Grandpa had contacted some people that he knew from his plumber days. They had access to a spaceship of their own and had set off to intercept Vilgax, but he had clearly been expecting pursuit. The plumbers had barely made it out of the ambush with their ships intact, and they never even got within sensing distance of the flagship. And by then Vilgax was gone, untraceable in the vast reaches of space.

And Ben was dead.

Or so they had thought.

Gwen's heart clenched. For four whole years he had been here, all alone, at the mercy of a monster on a quest for galactic domination.

She had no idea what torture Ben had endured, what had happened to him to change him so much, and now wasn't the time to dwell on that question. Now was not the time to beat herself up for not saving him before. What she needed to know was whether she would be able to escape, and whether she could find Ben if she did. Could she possibly get through to him?

Gwen let out a frustrated huff of breath. She knew it would be next to impossible to get Ben to listen to her, not after everything that must have happened to him. She might not even get another chance to speak to him alone. Even if she did, the chance that she could convince him of anything was miniscule at best, and trying to get his attention if she managed to escape would be incredibly risky. If she managed to find a way out of her restraints, her best bet would be to find Grandpa and escape. Yet she couldn't quite bring herself to write Ben off the way she was sure Grandpa had. Every time she tried to look at her situation objectively, Ben crept back into her thoughts. The truth was she had thought of little else since she had first seen him. She wanted to see him again, to talk to him. She thought of the brief moment when he was escorting her to her cell and the spark had returned to his voice. He had seemed like himself for that one moment, even though it hadn't lasted.

Then she thought again about how he had looked, standing confidently at Vilgax's side. He had not hesitated to electrocute Grandpa, and had not seemed the least bit bothered to have captured the two of them. He acted very different from the Ben she knew, but she couldn't shake the feeling that he was still, well, Ben. He was loyal to Vilgax now, and she couldn't find it in herself to blame him, not with what he must have gone through, but he was still the same person, no matter how he had changed, he had to be. If she could just get him away from here, Gwen felt sure that the plumbers would be able to help him.

However, that first part; getting him away, seemed next to impossible at the moment.

Gwen rested her head against the cold metal wall. She braced herself, moving her fingers awkwardly and murmuring the words to a communication spell. The power started to build inside her and Gwen had only a second to grit her teeth before the pain hit.

When Ben reached the detention area he paused again.

This part of the ship was fairly quiet, the dark gray corridors nearly empty. There was a guard monitoring the surveillance screens of the prisoner's cells, and there were bipedal drones guarding the hallways, but most crewmembers were focused on detecting any further attempts at infiltration and searching for potential spies. If the prisoners escaped, it would be with outside help.

Ben remained hovering near the high ceiling. He didn't quite know what to do now that he was here.

Master had not forbidden him from coming here, and he was used to going wherever he wanted to in the ship, especially when he was patrolling. There was nothing unusual in coming here to inspect the detention block. Still, what he was doing still smacked of deceit. He didn't like this desire he had to see the prisoners once more. It left him feeling guilty, as though he were going behind Master's back.

At that thought he landed, shifting into his Mira form with a growl.

He didn't know what he was feeling for the people who had once been his family, but whatever it was, it didn't matter. Master would decide what to do with them, and he would obey, as always.

Turning, Ben headed back the way he had come, tails swishing in agitation.

For the rest of the day, he kept himself busy and kept a tight reign on his thoughts. He was angry at himself for the feelings he couldn't control, and nothing he did seemed to dampen them. He hadn't felt this restless in what seemed like years.

As evening deepened, Ben made his way back towards Master's rooms. He knew Master was going to contact the resistance in the morning, and he could no longer fight off his curiosity. He needed to know what Master had decided to do. And he needed the comfort of the warlord's presence. He didn't want to be alone anymore.

Master was eating, which reminded Ben suddenly that the only food he had had today was what he had grabbed after his nap. He really must have been preoccupied. Master did not see him at first, but then turned to him with a question on his face, tentacle tips twitching slightly.

Ben's alien form dissolved and he ducked his head, moving across the room to push his face into the large hand that was held out to him.

"What is it, Ben?" the warlord asked gently. He bent slightly, lifting Ben to sit in his lap. One hand rested on his back, stroking soothingly.

Ben raised his gaze to meet Master's, feeling slightly embarrassed all of a sudden. He didn't know how to begin.

"I'm sorry Master," he said softly. "I'm just feeling disconcerted." He paused for a moment to gather his feelings, then "I don't like having the Tennysons here," he finished. He grimaced a little at the admission. His feelings weren't important, and he shouldn't be troubling Master with them.

"Ah." Master's tentacles rippled all along their length, and Ben could tell the warlord was amused, although there was affection in the expression as well. The gentle petting continued for a moment, and then Vilgax said "It is alright. I understand what you are feeling. Things will go back to normal soon, and you will feel better."

Ben nodded, relaxing at the assurance. "Okay, thank you Master," he whispered. He snuggled a little deeper into Master's arms. He felt relieved. Even if he couldn't chase away the feelings right now, they would go away soon. Master's hand kept stroking, and both were of them were silent for a few minutes. Then the rough voice continued.

"The Tennysons won't be here for much longer," Master mused, as though to himself, and Ben tilted his head to look up at the warlord. Did that mean…? "Yes," Master confirmed, speaking to Ben this time. "Tomorrow the resistance shall witness the execution of their comrades. It will be a just punishment for what they attempted."

Ben didn't say anything. He leant back against armored chest. He had wanted to know what would happen to the prisoners but, like their presence on the ship, he didn't know how he felt about this news. In the end, he supposed it wasn't important. His feelings didn't matter; they never did.

(1) XLR8

(2) Blitzwolfer

Thanks for reading! Wow, it is so lovely to hear from all of you, especially after the milestone of last chapter. I know it was a very creepy chapter, so hopefully this one was a little easier to read. Present day Ben is getting easier to write for, and I hope his character still works. He's gone through a lot, and we should see a little more of that next chapter.

And we got to visit Gwen again! It's been a while.

Things will start to move in the present-day plot soon. We will certainly see some more flashbacks though. There are still many things in the past I want to explore.

See you all next time!