Hey there! I tried to lighten up the mood a little with this chapter, I hope you like it!
Let me know what you think and, thanks for reading!
VENTURING
—What…?— She thought, still parked outside the hospital, processing what Shaun had just told her.
"What did he…? What does he mean he rented the apartment? Why?!" She asked into the air then sighed, massaged her temples with her fingers, and muttered "Shaun…"
She eventually drove away from the hospital in the direction of the hotel where she spent the night, to get her bags, thinking about why and when Shaun had done what he said he did, because it was only the day before when she visited that apartment for the first time, so she wondered when he even found the time to sign a contract or whatever, surely the whole thing had to be in the very, very early stages, so it could be undone, and the quickest the better; because she didn't want to live with him, or anyone else, she liked her freedom, and she also thought moving in with him, at any given point, would not be a good idea —Who even knows what is like to live with him? Let alone BOTH of us living in the same household, that's a recipe for disaster—
When she got to the hotel, she headed into her room right away and called Sarah via FaceTime as she anxiously paced the room, then Sarah answered.
"Hey!" Said Sarah, happily.
"He's crazy" Lea said.
"What do you mean? Did he do something to you?" Sarah frowned in concern, and moved the phone a little closer to her face to get a better look of Lea.
"No, no, I'm fine, he's just… I thought I was impulsive but he, he just blew my mind" Lea said and Sarah arched a brow.
"But, what happened? I'm not understanding anything, Lea, you have to explain… and stop pacing because I'm getting dizzy!"
"Sorry" Lea said and sat on the bed then took a deep breath thinking about where to start, then added "Yesterday, before you called, I went to look at an apartment because I was interested in renting it, he basically followed me there saying he wanted to help, I told him off and stormed out of there, then, after we FaceTimed, I went back to his apartment to get my stuff to go stay at a hotel because there were no Airbnbs available, and he just, ugh…" She rolled her eyes, and continued "He did this whole karaoke thing, anyway, that's not really the point right now, I snapped at him again and this morning he came over to the hotel where I spent the night at, to talk, so we're fine now, but I gave him a ride to work and then he just, as if it was nothing, he said 'I rented that apartment you liked for us to share', and then he left! I don't know what he was thinking, why or when he even did it, I don't know what I'm supposed to do!"
Sarah couldn't help to laugh a little, finding the situation a little amusing "What?!"
"Exactly!" Lea exclaimed and Sarah laughed some more.
"You're gonna have to ask him why he did it because I honestly don't get it either, BUT, what exactly is the problem though?"
"What do you mean what is the problem? The problem is, I don't want to live with him and he for sure shouldn't live with someone like me!" Lea expressed anxiously.
"But you've been living with him for the past week or so and no one has died!"
"No, I haven't! He was avoiding me, remember? He barely was in the apartment during that time. Sarah, I'm a mess! And last time I lived with someone…" She shook her head.
"Lea, he's not Ben… well, I hope he's not like him but, I mean, we won't know for sure why he did what he did until you ask him, so, talk to him later and get to the chase of it, then make a decision, until then, you shouldn't be freaking out as much as you are, I think…"
Lea sighed "I guess you're right… I'll talk to him later"
Sarah nodded "Let me know what happens, I have to go right now, we're going snorkeling, but I will text you when I'm able to talk again later"
"All right, have fun!" Lea smiled and they ended the call after a minute, then she leaned back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
She got back to Shaun's apartment and texted him in the evening.
"Are you coming home tonight?" She asked, hoping there would be no more avoiding each other.
"Yes" He responded, with the simplicity that characterized him, and she smiled.
"I'm ordering dinner, you want something?"
"Pizza" He responded.
"All right, see you soon" She replied, still grinning, then realized she was already calling his place home and regretted it a bit, because she didn't think it was a good thing and didn't want to give him a wrong idea.
"We should start packing soon" He texted after a few minutes,
Lea read his message and her eyes widened slightly, then she sighed, and replied. "We need to talk about that tonight…"
"Okay"
He probably thought they were going to talk about how they were going to pack everything, and Shaun probably already had an answer for that, they would of course use his packing skills, because he's an expert when it comes to packing, but that was not the talk Lea had in mind, she was still wondering the why of his actions, and also figuring out how to tell him she didn't want to live with him, without hurting him again.
She got a notification on her phone telling her the pizza had arrived, so she headed out to get it but when she opened the apartment's door, Shaun was walking out of the elevator holding the pizza.
"I got the pizza" He said holding the box up slightly, showing her.
"You did!" She grinned at him as he walked to her "Did you pay the guy?"
"Yes" He smiled and nodded, then they both walked into Shaun's apartment and Lea closed the door behind them, then he added "I was thinking, your stuff is already packed…" He said while putting the pizza on the table, then got rid of his backpack and jacket "…so you shouldn't pull out everything, that will save us time, and I don't have a lot of things, so it will be quiet easy for us to move to the new apartment but we'll have to buy…"
"Shaun…" She interrupted him, staring at him.
"Yes?" He said and looked at her briefly, then walked to the bedroom, sat on his bed and pulled his shoes off.
Lea followed him "I…" She took a deep breath, before adding "Why did you do that?"
He glanced around, like wondering what she meant, then looked at the shoe he was holding before looking at her again "Take my shoes off?"
She let out a little sigh and rolled her eyes slightly, trying to keep her cool "No, why did you rent the apartment? When did you even do it?"
"Oh…" He put his shoe down on the floor and thought about his answer for a second "I didn't know if talking to you this morning was going to work, so I came up with Plan E. Going big hadn't worked so, if talking to you, which was Plan D, didn't work either, my only other option was to go bigger and hope it would work. Plan D ended up being a success but I was already ahead with Plan E, and I thought, I should just keep it and surprise her" He looked up at her, still sitting on his bed as she stood by the doorless entrance of the bedroom. "Oh, and I started working on Plans D and E after you left yesterday" He nodded with the smallest smirk of pride.
She stared at him perplexed for a moment, then blinked a couple times and swallowed, speechless. She wasn't sure if she had to worry about his somewhat creepy tactics to apologize or be amazed by them.
She glanced around the room for a minute, precessing everything and trying to find the words to what she wanted to say. Shaun watched her then started to follow her gaze, wondering what she was looking for, until she finally spoke.
"Why did you assume I would want to move in with you? To another apartment, I mean" She looked at him again and arched her brow.
Now it was Shaun who was glancing around, processing her words, because he actually hadn't considered that.
"Y-you don't want to live with me?" He asked in a kinda disappointed tone, which Lea noticed and made her sigh.
"No Shaun, I don't… I don't want to live with anyone, actually" She said shaking her head a couple times and Shaun looked down at his hands, letting that sink in.
"Why?" He asked after a minute and looked up at her again.
She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out at first, then she shrugged and her response finally came out "Because…"
He glanced to the side thinking that wasn't an appropriate answer and wanted her to expand on it, so he asked again "Why?"
"Because" She said again and shook her head slightly, refusing to explain more.
"Why?" He asked once again, still wanting her to give him a proper answer.
Her mouth dropped open slightly, shocked and frustrated by his insistence, and rolled her eyes before answering "Because! …It's personal… I lived with someone once and it didn't end well…" She said shrugging one of her shoulders "I don't want to expand on it, so don't ask why again" She added and warned him.
Shaun glanced to the sides and began rocking back and forth while fiddling anxiously with his thumbs, hating no having the answer to certain things, and she noticed him getting anxious.
"Shaun..." She mumbled, then sighed and moved to sit next to him, but not too close, so as not to invade his personal space. She wanted him to calm down, because she was afraid he would end up having a meltdown or something, but at the same time, she wanted him to stop insisting on them living together or trying to get her to talk about things she didn't want to talk about.
"Who did you live with? What happened?" He asked and she rolled her eyes, exasperated.
"I don't want to talk about it, Shaun" She said with a very serious tone in hopes he would stop asking.
"But, you haven't lived with me, how do you know it will end badly as well?… And I thought you wanted us to tell each other things…" He reminded her.
"Of course, we can talk about anything!… Just not this…" She said watching him as he kept rocking back and forth, not understanding WHY she was refusing to talk about it, whatever it was, and he really wanted to ask again but he didn't, because she had warned him not to.
She watched him then closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath to calm herself down, because he was just being curious and whatever had happened in the past, even though it had been hurtful for her and she had her fears and insecurities, Shaun had nothing to do with it, and just because all that brought up bad memories to her, getting mad at him for wanting to know more, wasn't fair.
"I'm sorry, I just…" She added and sighed "You and I shouldn't live together, trust me"
He sighed frustratedly "Y-you said you fell in love with that apartment because it has a fireplace, but you can't afford it on your own, so I rented it for both of us, so we split the bills; that's not only going bigger, it's being nicer, as well. You will live in a place you really like and I…" He interrupted himself, trying to find the words for what he wanted to say next "I will live in a place I really like too, because you will be there, so we'll both be happy"
She listened to him, looking at him the whole time, then sighed and swallowed hard. His insistence was frustrating, but his words were sweet, he wasn't doing or saying things with bad intentions, and she didn't want to hurt him again but, in her opinion, living together was really not a good idea.
"Can't you think about it?" He suggested and looked into her eyes, in a pleading manner.
She tightened her lips a little and frowned some before answering "Now, that's just not fair, you're playing the puppy dog eyes card, and that's not fair!" She couldn't help to chuckle amusedly and shook her head. Shaun glanced away and blushed a little since he hadn't realized he did that.
She chuckled again then sighed exasperated, yet amused at his ability to frustrate her and make her smile within minutes; she looked up at the ceiling like asking heavens for patience, then looked back at him and added "Fine! I will think about it… but I'm pretty sure my answer will still be 'no', so wrap your head around that, all right?"
He smirked slightly and proudly again and she gasped in amusement and disbelief as she looked at him.
"You're a mess, Shaun Murphy!" She said and pushed him to the side some with her body as she giggled and shook her head.
He happily got up from his bed and walked to the table where the pizza was waiting, Lea watched him, grinned, and proceeded to do the same.
It was her first day at her new job and she was supposed to sleep early in order to wake up with energy and be properly awake and alert during the day, but instead she spent part the night thinking about the possible pros and cons of living with Shaun. She tossed and turned in her sleeping bag while he slept peacefully on his side of the room. She got up eventually, at around 5:30 a.m., sighed frustratedly, grabbed her robe and slipped into it, then grabbed her phone, and quietly headed to the bathroom, trying not to wake Shaun.
She sleepily did her thing in the toilet, then moved to the sink to wash her hands and looked at herself in the mirror, groaning at the reflection —You look shocking… such a great look for your first day at a new job— she thought, then washed her face with some cold water.
Once she was done in the bathroom, she moved to the kitchen and, as quietly as possible, she turned on the stove to heat up some water to make herself a coffee.
The smell of coffee slipped through Shaun's nostrils and woke him up exactly 5 minutes before his alarm went off. He puckered his nose at the smell and sat up pulling the covers off himself, he sleepily saw Lea's bed empty but, by the smell of coffee, he realized she was in the kitchen. He reached for his phone to cancel the upcoming alarm, got up from his bed, and headed to the living area.
"Good morning" He said as he stood near the table.
Lea was facing away from him as she added sugar to her coffee and stirred it with a spoon, then she smiled softly as she heard his voice.
"Good morning to you too" She happily replied and carefully sipped some of her hot coffee as she turned around to face Shaun but then, she spitted out some of the coffee she had in her mouth, as soon as she saw him and the tent that formed in his pyjamas, which apparently he was unaware of.
She immediately moved her free hand to her mouth and exclaimed his name, then quickly turned around again.
He got startled by her reaction and the loudness with which she said his name, but didn't understand why she had reacted like that.
"What?" He asked with concern, thinking maybe he had done something wrong, meanwhile, Lea grabbed a napkin and wiped her mouth and chin with it.
"What do you mean what? Look down at your pants and go into the bathroom or something…" She urged him and quickly glanced at him over the corner of her eye before looking away again.
He did as told and mumbled a simple "Oh…" as he finally realized what she was talking about, his cheeks flushed bright pink, and he headed into the bathroom.
Lea blushed some as well, then couldn't help to laugh a little while Shaun was in the bathroom and she wiped the floor clean from the coffee she had spat.
It wasn't her first time seeing a guy with a morning wood, although the ones she had seen before were of guys she had dated and most of the time she ended up helping them to get rid of it, but that was not going to happen with Shaun. First of all, they weren't dating, and secondly, she didn't want some kind of naughty relationship with him that could potentially confuse one or the other in the end.
She began thinking again about the possible pros and cons that living together could bring and, so far, there were more cons than pros for both of them, on her mental list. The night before, she basically had promised him she would think about it, which she did, and a lot, so much that she only got like 4 to 5 hours of sleep, but, what had just happened, was like a telling sign that they really should not live together.
She sat on a chair by the table drinking her coffee, checked the news on her phone, and waited for Shaun to come out of the bathroom to talk to him.
He eventually walked out of the bathroom and Lea automatically looked at him; still a little amused about what happened, she tried to hide a grin then reached to pat the seat of the other chair so he would sit too. He moved closer and sat on the chair, hands on his lap, fingers intertwined.
"We should't live together" She started the conversation.
Shaun's neutral expression changed to a kinda angry one, frowning slightly, almost sulking "You said you would think about it"
"I did! While you were peacefully sleeping, I was thinking. I didn't sleep much, why do you think I'm up so early?" She said looking at him as he glanced around, then she added "I said I would think about it, and I also said that my answer was probably going to still be 'no'…"
"But I rented that apartment because you liked it and neither of us can afford it on our own… It has a fireplace, remember?"
She closed her eyes for a second feeling a second wave of insistence from him coming, then thought —Get to the point already, Lea…—
"I know it has a fireplace, that's great, but there's…" She stopped for a minute to gather her words and sighed softly "…It's not about the place, it's about us, Shaun…" He looked at her as that caught his attention, and she looked into his eyes, then she continued "You see, what just happened this morning is one of those things that…"
"Random erections in the morning are very common and usually a sign that the vascular and nervous system in and around the penis is functioning properly" He said interrupting her and nodded a little.
She arched her brows up listening and opened her mouth to respond but she was processing the information he had just given her. She blinked a couple times, then chuckled, and words finally came out again.
"I… am glad your sexual health is in great shape, but I don't really want this to happen again… What I'm trying to say is, if we live together, it's gonna be awkward, you're bound to walk in on me when I'm naked, you'll have your morning woods, you'll hear the weird sex noises I make with some out-of-work drummer, or find me crying over when that drummer dumps me, even though I was totally gonna dump him, and, I don't know what habits you have but I am a mess, I can assure you that" This time she was the one nodding a little.
He looked away from her in what looked like a very subtle eye roll, which made Lea's jaw drop slightly as she looked at him.
She mentally gasped and thought—Did he just roll his eyes at me? I wonder where he gets it from…— She narrowed her eyes slightly at him and took a deep but kinda frustrated breath.
"Okay…" She said and drank some coffee, then added "Uhm… do you ever think about us being together… as a couple?" She struggled to say the last words and looked at him.
"Sometimes" He admitted.
"Right… well, I don't want that" She said and studied his expression, hoping he wouldn't get upset, because the last thing she wanted was to hurt him again, but she had to be as honest with him as he always was with her.
"You don't want us to be a couple or you don't want me thinking about us as a couple?" He asked her to clarify.
—Good point— She thought then answered.
"Neither… The thing is, I think if we move in together, it will be like a signal for you and/or others that you and I will end up as boyfriend and girlfriend at some point, and that's not the case, that's never going to happen" She studied his expression again while he looked somewhere else.
He got up from the chair he was sitting on and walked to his closet.
"You can't predict the future. Feelings can change…" He said as he pulled out clothes from his closet to start getting ready for the day. "I used to hate hugs, but now, sometimes I don't…" He added.
"I know, but I don't want my feelings to change, I want us to be just friends" She said getting up from her chair and walking towards him as he headed to the bathroom with his things, but she stopped him by gently placing her hand on his forearm. He looked down at her hand then up to her eyes and she looked into his eyes as well.
"Look…" She added "I was very unhappy when you were avoiding me and we weren't getting along… You were, too, right?"
He glanced to the side thinking for a second, and replied "Yes"
She nodded some "Romantic relationships are unpredictable, so much can go wrong, and anything that puts our friendship at risk isn't worth it to me… okay?"
He pondered her words then replied with another "Yes" and she nodded again, then he added "Can I go shower now, I'm going to be late"
"Oh, sure…" She said realizing her hand was still holding onto his forearm, she moved it away, and he went into the bathroom, leaving Lea standing between the living and the bedroom, hoping he understood everything she had told him, and also hoping he would put away the subject of living together for good.
Later that day, during her break at work, Lea called the property manager and told her that the renting process that Shaun had started had been a misunderstanding and they didn't really want the apartment. The agent was disappointed and tried to persuade Lea to continue with the process but Lea insisted otherwise.
In the evening, she arrived back to Shaun's apartment first, ordered food for both of them, and waited for him to get back from work.
When Shaun arrived, she was standing near the table and smiled at him as he put his backpack and coat away.
"Hey" She greeted him.
"Hello" He greeted her back with a small smile.
"I canceled the rental process today" She said, still smiling.
He stared at her for a moment, then asked "Why?"
"Because… we agreed on not living together this morning, so I saved you some time, I called the agent and everything, this afternoon…" She explained. "She told me she called you this morning to tell you she was going to start the lease agreement process but now it's off, so don't worry"
"No" He said shaking his head and she watched him as he moved to the bedroom to put his shoes away, then followed him.
"You told me you don't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend because romantic relationships are unpredictable and you don't want to put our friendship at risk, so you want us to be just friends, but we can be friends with benefits" He added.
Both of Lea's eyebrows went up and blinked a few times in response to his last sentence, unsure if his and her definition of friends with benefits were the same.
"Excuse me?" She asked a little amused, and he looked at her.
"The benefit would be living together in the apartment you liked. We can afford it together." He replied and Lea sighed as she began to get frustrated again.
"I was clear this morning, you're just not listening to me"
"I am listening" He cut her off walking to the table. "You were clear, we can't date or kiss or have sex, I got it"
"It's more than that, Shaun, it's too complicated!" She said shaking her head a couple times, watching him as he checked the content of one of the food boxes that were resting on the table.
"It's not, it's actually really simple!" He said as he checked the other box, then looked at her "Don't you want to spend time together?"
"Of course I do!" She moved to the table as well and sat on one of the chairs "We can share the content of both, if you want" She said referring to the food.
"See? It's simple" He said as he sat on the other chair and grabbed one of the forks that came with the food order.
Lea stared at him thinking about how to make him understand as she reached for the other fork and Shaun started to eat as he hadn't had time to eat lunch that day, Lea on the other hand, had kinda lost her appetite, so she just toyed with the food inside the box.
"We shouldn't live together…" She blurted out shaking her head and putting her fork down, which made Shaun stop halfway through putting some food into his mouth, then he sighed and she looked at him.
He glanced around for a moment, then said "I'll be okay running into you naked or hearing sex noises or seeing you cry over breakups with drummers"
"How can you be sure? I mean, you yourself told me this morning that feelings can change…"
He glanced down at his food, thinking for a minute, then looked at her briefly, and replied "Because there will be benefits for both of us, I told you… Living with you will be good for me… it makes me happy"
She sighed and now it was her who was looking down at her food, but before she could think of anything, Shaun continued.
"If we don't live together, you will have to buy your own batteries… and it will be hard to spend time together because I work a lot…"
She listened and realized that what worried him was not being around her and possibly losing her again. She had never met anyone who wanted to be part of her life so much, but she didn't want to confuse him and maybe get his hopes up about something else happening between them down the road.
"A lot is at stake, Shaun… What if your feelings end up changing and I hurt you again?… I don't want to lose the friendship we have… And we'll still see each other, I promise" She said and looked at him again.
"How can you be sure?" He asked as he fiddled with his fingers under the table.
"Because when someone is really important to you, no matter how busy you are, you always make time for them… and I'm not going anywhere, leaving San Jose again is not in my plans for the foreseeable future, trust me"
They looked at each other for a minute then Shaun looked down at his food and started eating again.
They didn't talk much the rest of the night, but none of them took any offense in that since it seemed like both had a bunch to think about. They just sat there and ate, passing each other the food boxes, like taking turns to eat from each one, then, without any more to say for the day, they just went to bed.
Next day, at lunch time, Lea texted Sarah, asking if she was available to chat and she said yes, then Lea called her via FaceTime.
"What's up?" Said Sarah smiling when she answered the call.
Lea greeted her and first asked about how their trip was going and they also talked a little about Lea's new job and how it was the same old feeling of people underestimating her because she's new there or because she's a woman, and Sarah somehow knew what it was like, because, as a nurse, usually doctors, and specially male doctors, even students, often belittle them and treat them badly, not just because most nurses are women, but because they are below them in the hospital's hierarchy.
"It sucks, I know" Sarah said and sighed, then added "What happened with your issues with Shaun? Did you find out why he rented the apartment?"
"That's actually why I called you…" Lea sighed "I don't know what to do…" She went on to tell her about everything she had talked with Shaun and Sarah nodded a little, listening to her friend.
"I mean, am I being selfish? I feel selfish, but, if I were to live with him, I don't want to do it just because I don't want to hurt him, you know what I mean?" Lea added and Sarah nodded again.
"I think you're being selfish with yourself for not giving yourself the chance to be loved but that's not the point right now… This isn't going to be like when you lived with Ben, because, first of all, Shaun is not your boyfriend, and you've made it clear to him that you want to keep things platonic. Now, if one of you ends up changing your mind about your feelings for the other, you will have to talk about it and deal with it, there's no other way around it. You want him in your life and he wants you in his, even if your feelings change and the other is not on the same page, if you still want each other in your lives then you'll make that friendship work… I think you wanna live with him… because you canceled the rental process and talked to him and told him many times about your point of view, but you're still thinking about it, you called me to talk about it, I think you have the answer to what you really want to do but are afraid of admitting it… He's just going to be your roommate, basically like in college but with more space, like, are you going to tell me your college roommate never saw you naked or something? If you don't want Shaun to see you naked then just be careful… you're not planning on being naked all day on the weekends, are you?"
Lea chuckled then she sighed "You're always like my voice or reason, that's why I love you… and you're awesome"
"I know " Sarah said jokingly proud and grinned, which made Lea giggle.
They hung up after a few minutes and Lea sat alone eating her food and thinking about what Sarah had told her, then she picked her phone again and called the apartment manager.
That night, when Shaun arrived from work, she was sitting by the table, scrolling on her iPad, then she turned to look at him as he hung his jacked on the back of the chair where she was sitting.
"Guess what?" She said.
"What?" He said kicking off his shoes.
"I found my next apartment"
"Oh…"
"It has a fireplace too… and comes with a roommate" She teased.
"N-no, you told me you don't want to live with anyone"
"Well yeah, but if I don't live with this person, who's a friend, It will be hard to see him otherwise, because he works a lot…" She said looking up at Shaun, still sitting on the chair, while he was standing between the bedroom and the living, fiddling with his thumbs, and she couldn't hide her grin anymore.
"We're gonna have to meet up at lunchtime tomorrow to sign the lease and get the keys…" She got up from the chair and moved to stand in front of him, looking to meet his eyes with hers "I'm talking about you, Shaun… You better make time for me at lunchtime tomorrow" She said with a beaming grin.
He looked into her eyes, processing everything, then, as if he had been holding his breath, he exhaled and grinned excitedly.
"We're going to be roommates?" He asked and, still grinning, she nodded in response, then he started stimming happily, jumping around and flapping his arms. Lea joined him, jumping around as well, and letting out a laugh and a squeal.
"We're going to be roommates!" Shaun said as they both jumped around the living, excitedly.
After all, Sarah was right, she made sure to leave things clear for Shaun and they were just going to be roommates, they would each have a bedroom so if she wanted to be naked, she could be naked in there, not around the whole place but just her bedroom was good enough for her, and Shaun indeed works a lot so, if she wanted to bring someone over, she'd just try to do it when Shaun wasn't there; as for the rest, she would give it the benefit of the doubt.