Hey, new chapter! This one was inspired by two songs, one of them was on the show, it's No Expectations, originally by The Rolling Stones but I listened to the AG and Brian Fennell cover, which was the one that played on the show. The second song I was inspired by is I Can't Make You Love Me, covered by Bon Iver.

I hope you guys like this new chapter! Let me know what you think here or on Twitter and, as always, THANK YOU FOR READING.

MOVING ON

"What are you doing for Christmas this year?" Jake asked as they took a walk at the park, holding hands.

"I'm not sure, my family and I aren't in really good terms so…" Lea said but Jake interrupted her.

"You could come with me and my family…" He suggested, smiling.

Lea glanced to the side thinking it was too soon and chuckled. "I don't know…"

"Don't take it wrong, I know it's too soon for you to meet my family or for me to meet yours, I just think no one should be alone on Christmas, you know?" He shrugged and she nodded slightly with a smile.

"That's sweet, Jake…"

"We could say we're just friends if you want; my family is pretty chill, I think you'd like them."

"I'm sure I would, if they're as sweet as you" She grinned stopping their walk and pushing herself up on her tip toes to peck his lips, and he happily returned the kiss.

Lea and Jake had been seeing each other for about a month. After the party she went to with Sarah, they texted each other for days, then they found time to go on their first date, but Lea didn't want to call it that, because she wanted to just get to know him first and not jump into anything right away. After that non-date, they hung out for a couple weeks, whenever they had time, and they would just take walks, go for a coffee, and chat about everything and nothing; work, life in general, and random things. They were getting to know each other and Lea realized Jake, so far, was actually just nice guy who dreamed of becoming a chef, getting to work at one of his favorite restaurants and then, with some luck and money, open his own place, and be his own boss.

He was a pretty good cook, not only would he cook nicely at Lea's workplace, he invited her over to his place one time and cooked for her; that was also the night they kissed for the first time, but it was just that, a bit of making out and nothing more.

Jake was nice and all, but she didn't want to rush things; they were already something but she still felt a bit weird calling him her boyfriend, and he either knew that or felt the same way, which is why he suggested that if she accepted to spend Christmas with him and his family, he'd present her as his friend, if she wanted, which she appreciated; it was nice for her that he wasn't rushing things either.

But did she really want to spend Christmas with him? The only other options she had were to go back to Hershey and face her family, or maybe visit Sarah and spend Christmas with her and her family, or stay in San Jose and be alone in the apartment, because Shaun told her that he would probably work that day.

She actually wasn't sure about whether she wanted to be with someone and do something that day or wanted to be left alone.

Lea loved Christmas and always had since she was little; she loved the lights, the tree, the ornaments, the food, the smells the season brought every year, and the weather; it was her favorite season, and she loved going back to Hershey every year to spend time with her family, even if they were pretty judgmental of her most of the time, except for her grandma; this year though, after what happened, she wasn't in the mood to go back there. It hurt that she wasn't going to be with her nonna, but she thought it was for the best.

As for being with Shaun, it was still uncertain whether he was working or not during Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but he wasn't really the biggest Christmas fan, because his memories of such season weren't the greatest.

Apparently one day his dad took them to the Casper Christmas Parade and he refused to ice skate because the rental skates smelled bad, and then he got overloaded with the lights, the noises, and all the people cheering while the police cars, along with the firetrucks made their way down the street, and his dad hit him for that when they got back home, then hit his mom too for trying to defend him, and his brother couldn't do anything.

It was virtually impossible to make him forget such awful things, but she talked him into making new memories, better ones, because his brother would have wanted him to be happy and somehow enjoy things; and just like she had to leave awful things from her past behind and move on, he had to start doing the same in order to be happy or at least to stop letting those things control his present.

He then argued about how neither of them were religious and asked what was the point of putting up a Christmas tree; she told him it just looks pretty and she likes the vibe it brings, and even though she's not religious, Christmas for her wasn't about religion but about being with those you love.

In the end, days before her trip to the park with Jake, they agreed on getting a tree, found a place where they could rent a live Christmas tree, got it delivered, decorated it, and just like when they got Hubert (RIP), Shaun made sure to follow strictly the care instructions the people from the nursery gave them, and they actually had a nice time.

—

Sitting on the floor, in front of the tree, they were admiring it as the lights danced along it; Shaun closed his eyes for a minute and took a deep breath.

Lea looked at him and smiled, knowing he was saving the memory in his mind, then she closed her eyes too and, copying him, she took in the scent of the tree, the smell of hot chocolate and marshmallows from the mugs they were holding on their laps, and the burning and crackling wood from the fireplace behind them.

—

Even though she had convinced Shaun of getting a tree and he seemed somewhat happy about it and about making new memories, she didn't know if being just with him for Christmas would be good, given that she wasn't sure about the status of his feelings for her, and she was still watching her words and actions around him not to confuse him, like Sarah had suggested, and Jake was actually starting to grow on her, he wasn't just an acquaintance or a friend anymore but she couldn't say she was in love with him yet.

So later that month, she decided not to go back to Hershey but spend time with Jake instead, even if she had to meet his family and still thought it was too soon for that. Everything was arranged, he would pick her up at night to have dinner on Christmas Eve with his family and they'd spend all night there to then have breakfast and open presents the next morning.

She had to work half-time that day but that was fine, there were no other plans on her list for that day, and Shaun had gone to work too, so there was no way she was just going to be at home with nothing to do but wait for the night, but then, Shaun called…

She was in a meeting and had to ignore his first two calls but he kept calling, so she excused herself out of the room and answered.

"Shaun, I'm in middle of a meeting…"

"I need your help, it's an emergency. The ER is now under quarantine; no one can come in or go out. Two patients came in from the airport this morning, they died within hours, and now one of the paramedics who brought them is presenting symptoms, we have him in isolation now but his symptoms are progressing. The virus is possibly airborne which means pretty much everyone in the emergency room has been exposed. I missed my lunchtime, there is a buzzing light that's not letting me focus and I'm supposed to pick Dr. Glassman to take him to his imaging appointment but I can't get out of here!" He said anxiously and Lea frowned with concern.

"Woah, woah, Shaun… Hold on, there's a deadly virus and you've been exposed? Are you okay? Are you going to be okay? What can I do?" She asked.

"I need you to take Dr. Glassman to his imaging appointment. I am fine, I don't have any symptoms as of now, and we're all on antivirals"

"Okay, I - I'll go get Glassy and take him to his appointment, but you stay safe, okay?"

"Okay. I don't know for how long I'll be able to stay in contact, my phone will die at some point and my charger is in my locker so I can't get it"

"Okay, I'll let Glassy know"

"Thank you, Lea. I have to go now" He hung up and Lea sighed. She got back in the room to tell her boss she had to leave because of an emergency and he allowed her to go.

Worried about Shaun, she drove all the way across town to Dr. Glassman's house and took him to his appointment. She had been helping Shaun with his driving and he was pretty good at it already, just needed to polish some moves and he'd get his operators license, but not, she had to pick Glassman on her own.

She had no idea such imaging tests take so long to get done; Glassman wanted to wait for the results and on top of that, he was being extra grouchy because she refused to take him to the hospital to help with the situation in the emergency room, but there was nothing any of them could do to help, and even though he reluctantly accepted that, he was still mad.

After hours of waiting, the sun went down and a nurse called Glassman's name to tell him the results were ready and they would deliver them to his oncologist, but he told them he would deliver them himself to "move things along" and he got away with it. Once outside of the clinic, he opened the big yellow envelope, took a look at the results and, with disappointment in his voice, he told Lea his tumor was back.

—This has to be the worst Christmas Eve ever…— She thought, watching Glassman as he sat down on one of the steps outside the clinic. Silently she sat next to him, just for support; he may not be her favorite person in the world and she probably wasn't his either but the least she could do was to just be there for him.

"Are - Are you sure it's back?" She asked, breaking the silence after a while.

"I've been a neurosurgeon for ages, do you really think I don't know how read test results?" He replied exasperated at what he thought was a dumb question.

"I don't know, nobody's perfect, you're just reading the written results, you haven't seen the images yourself. What if they're not as good as you and they made a mistake? What if it's something else?" She started rambling and he had a "seriously?" look on his face.

"I am probably better than them, but I know what I'm reading…"

She sighed and the sat in silence for a moment until she spoke again "So… if it really is back… what does that mean?"

"It means I had surgery and they pumped radiation into my brain for nothing. It means I'm losing my memory because my brain is dying and I probably have a year, maybe 14 months, to live… is that enough meaning for you?" He ranted looking at her.

She looked down in silence and began thinking about Shaun and how devastating the news would be to him if Glassman was really right about his tumor; she wasn't doubting Glassman's test reading skills, she just didn't want him to be right, not only because it was awful but because she was worried about Shaun and the impact losing the only good father figure he's had would have on him.

"St. Bonaventure opened up a room for family and friends, you wanna come?" He asked, getting up from the step he was sitting on, after reading a message on his phone.

Lea looked up at him and nodded, then they both headed back to her car, but her phone began ringing in her pocket, she pulled it out and looked at the screen; it was Jake. —Crap…— She thought, and suddenly a tremendous guilt invaded her body as she answered the call.

"Hey, where are you? I've been ringing the doorbell for a good 15 minutes now, are you not ready yet?" Jake asked with a chuckle.

"Hey, no, I'm sorry, I forgot to text or call you. I'm not home and I'm not gonna be able to go with you tonight. Something came up" She said while opening the car's door for Glassman so he could get in.

"What happened, are you okay?"

"I am. Shaun's under lockdown at the hospital and he needed my help with something; I'm really sorry" She closed the car's door after Glassman got in, and she remained outside, talking to Jake on the phone.

"Shaun… That's your roomie, right?"

"Yeah, he is, I've told you some about him"

"So, is this thing gonna take you all night? I could pick you later or meet you wherever you are right now"

"I don't know how long this is going to take, he's in there exposed to some virus and I'm out here helping however I can"

"But he's a doctor, he's at a hospital, that's a good thing, right? What kind of virus is it? Should I be worried? Should I warn my family or something? Why do you have to be there all night? It's Christmas Eve…"

"I don't have all the info about it, Jake, and I don't expect you to understand but to respect what I'm doing, he's my best friend and he needs me right now, I'd like to think you'd do the same for your best friend too… Like I said, I'm really sorry about not calling you earlier to let you know and about not being able to be there with you, but I have to go now…"

He sighed "All right, just take care and, Merry Christmas"

She closed her eyes briefly, just feeling guilty and ashamed, then replied "Thank you, Merry Christmas to you and your family, too. I hope you all have a nice time"

They hung up and she got in the car, meanwhile, Glassman remained silent the whole way to the hospital.

"Have you heard from Shaun?" He asked once they were in the waiting room, after he had gone to deliver the test results to his oncologist.

"No, I don't know if he's just busy or his phone died. He said he wouldn't be able to charge it because he left the charger in his locker"

Dr. Glassman nodded and grabbed a medical magazine from the table that separated their seats and began reading it.

"What are we gonna tell Shaun?" She asked turning a bit on her seat to look at the doctor.

"Nothing" He replied without lifting his eyes from the magazine and she frowned.

"What? I mean, I get not telling him right now because he's got enough on his plate but, I can't not tell him, YOU can't hide this from him. You told him the first time, what's different now?"

"I made a mistake telling him last time, he got obsessed and distracted, and he nearly killed a patient because of that" He argued back.

"His obsession saved your life."

"At a high cost"

"You can't NOT tell him… he's your friend, he's basically your son, even if he doesn't like seeing it like that because he hates fathers. If you don't tell him, he's gonna find out and what are you going to tell him then, huh? It will be harsher from him"

"He's got more important things to focus on…"

Lea huffed and shook her head, rolling her eyes at the same time and turning away from him some. Glassman was one very, VERY stubborn grouch.

A few hours later, hospital staff brought in food for the friends and family who were waiting. Glassman and Lea got up from their seats to grab something to eat.

"He deserves to know" She said while they were checking every tray of food on the table.

He rolled his eyes at her insistence and replied "Deserves… funny term. You think that's how things work? People get what they deserve? So Shaun deserves to be toyed with?"

"Who's toying with him?" She asked, arching a brow up at the last question.

"You" He said defensively.

"I don't know what you're talking about; Shaun and I are friends"

"You whisk him away on a road trip, kiss him, then you leave town and pop back into his life unannounced, then you move in with him and act like nothing ever happed… He's not some toy you can just grab to play with whenever you're bored and have no one or nothing else and then leave it aside when you've had enough of it or because you've found something else more entertaining… You're gonna hurt him again, you know it, I know it."

She was about to reply to him but his phone started ringing, he took it out of his pocket checking the caller ID, then excused himself and walked out of the waiting room to answer the call.

Lea was left standing next to the table with some rage running through her body. She hated when people talked about her life and judged it without having all the context about it. But this was the second time someone called her out for the way she was acting around Shaun, first Sarah and now Glassman.

Hurting Shaun again was like one of her biggest fears but, was she still doing something she wasn't aware of but other were? Up until then and since Sarah pointed out her body language around him, she somewhat distanced herself from him, in the physical aspect of things, other than that, she was treating him like a friend, not at all like a toy, like Glassman thought.

Her appetite went away and she returned to her seat, the she just sat there, subtly watching the other people in the room, inventing stories in her head about them to keep her mind occupied and away from overthinking her every move around and towards Shaun, the virus he was exposed to that could potentially kill him or her mishap with Jake

Minutes later Glassman walked back in the room, sat down and looked at her.

"I'm sorry about before…" He said, almost as if those words were tough to let out because they hurt his ego.

She looked at him and arched a brow "Are you gonna tell Shaun you got good news?"

"What makes you think that?"

"You apologized…"

"Okay… The cancer's not back, but it's not great news, I still have to have surgery, as soon as possible, to fix the CSF leak in my brain that's causing meningitis. And no, I'm not telling Shaun" Lea rolled her eyes exasperatedly and sighed, then he added "I'm just looking out for him… He's not like you, he's not like everybody else…"

"I know he's not" She cut him off "But he's also not some helpless child who constantly needs protection and you constantly treat him as if he were. He's actually a very smart, caring adult, and you have to already wrap your head around that, because you could really use someone like that right now…" She looked away from him again, just done arguing with his stubborn ass.

Glassman read another magazine, and another, while Lea listened to music on her headphones as time passed and until the sun rose again, ushering in a new day for the people of San Jose. But it was as if time had frozen inside the hospital; some people had fallen asleep on chairs and sofas, while others, like Lea and Glassman, were unable to sleep through the night due to their shared concern about a certain virus in the ER.

She was exhausted, not exactly physically but mentally. Shaun was in there, saving or trying to save people's lives while getting himself exposed to whatever virus was around. Even though he sounded fine and Dr. Andrews had been in touch with Dr. Glassman, keeping him informed of everything, and he also said Shaun was doing fine, apart from a meltdown he had during the night; Lea couldn't help to think about the possibility of losing him to this deadly virus they were dealing with.

She knew he was a brilliant doctor so he knew what he was doing and he'd take his precautions, and if anything were to happen to him, people in there would do everything they could to save him, but the possibility of him contracting the virus or something else happening was still there, and were was no way for her to help, not even by just being there for him in case he had another meltdown, and it was frustrating. She hated feeling useless.

Then there was her thing with Jake. Basically, he had no reason to be mad at her for not spending Christmas with him and his family. Their relationship had just begun and neither of them were obligated to commit yet and, apart from knowing what he did for a living or what his goals were in her life, she was still getting to know him. So, in her opinion, him getting mad at her for helping a friend on Christmas Eve instead of going with him, was absurd, and something she hoped didn't happen.

Unfortunately for Lea, what she had hoped not to happen, happened. Jake ignored her messages during the night and morning, then, by the time her and Shaun got back home, after going to get breakfast with Glassman, they fell asleep in their respective bedrooms and didn't wake up until later in the evening. She texted Jake again but he kept ignoring her which she thought was childish coming from grown man like him.

—If he's acting like this so early in our relationship, what is he going to be like later? If there even is a later…— she thought, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, at least until getting to talk to him.

The next day, she got to talk to him and, after telling him off for his immature attitude towards what happened, he apologized.

—

"I'm sorry, I just… I guess I got kinda jealous of you deciding to be with your friend instead of me, because we had plans already and you just canceled them last minute. You even forgot to call me…"

"Jake, we've been 'dating' for like a month only… and it's not like I was out there having fun with Shaun. It was an emergency; I could have lost my friend that night…"

"I know, I just really like you, and thinking about it, I realize how stupid my attitude was"

She accepted his apology and he gave her a small Christmas present he had saved for her; tickets to the concert of one of her favorite bands that would take place days later.

—

The night of the concert was also the night Jake met Shaun, something she didn't expect to happen, at least not yet anyway. It wasn't like she had an idea of how they would meet but it went as polite and maybe awkward as anyone could have expected it to go.

.

Once I was a rich man

And no I am so poor

But never in my sweet short live

Have I felt like this before

—

Lea and her boyfriend headed out of the apartment after him and Shaun had shared their nice-to-meet-you's and Jake chuckled with a slight shake of his head as they walked to his car; him proudly puffing out his chest.

"What?" She asked looking up at him with a smile.

"Nothing" He said opening the car's door for her in a very chivalry manner. "My lady" He joked and she giggled, climbing into the car.

"What were you laughing about?" She asked amused and curiously once Jake was in the car too.

"Nothing important… I just thought - Shaun looked different in my mind, that's all" He smiled and leaned in to peck her lips which she returned with a smile.

"What did you picture him like?" She asked again as he started the car's engine.

"I… I don't really know actually, I think that's what makes it funny… You told me he's a surgeon and I thought… I don't know, what is a surgeon even supposed to look like?" He joked, but deep inside he was lying.

What was so funny to Jake was that, since Christmas Eve, he had felt somewhat jealous of Shaun and even thought of him as threat, because, who was the man stealing his girlfriend's attention? No one less than a brilliant surgeon in the making; how was he going to compete with that if Lea ever thought of him as something more than a roomie?

He had picture Shaun as a smart, probably good looking but possibly gay guy; because that would eliminate him as a threat, and because he thought —(As a straight man) Who lives with a female roomie without nothing else happening?— But, there still was the possibility that he wasn't gay and in that case he would still be a threat.

But then he finally met the surgeon and, even though he really didn't know what a surgeon was supposed to look like; when he saw Shaun, he automatically discarded him as a threat, because he thought Shaun didn't look like the type of guy Lea would date; if that even made sense, or as if he knew the "type of guy" Lea liked. He had no idea, though.

—

Although Jake had discarded Shaun as a potential threat; just in case, he made sure to mark his territory the day Lea invited him sleep over, and he'd do it every time he got to spend the night at Lea and Shaun's; just a man proving his manliness to his woman and the world.

.

Take me to the station

And put me on a train

I've got no expectations

To pass through here again

Lea remembered when she warned Shaun about the weird sex sounds she makes when she's with some out-of-work drummer, and how he said he would be fine with that; Jake wasn't a drummer and actually had a job but, even though she had given Shaun the benefit of the doubt back then, she was surprised at how well he seemed to be taking her relationship with Jake, which was going pretty good too.

But it was just that, Shaun only seemed to be fine with everything, when in reality he was internally struggling with his feelings for her and learning about what being in love was supposed to be or feel like.

One night he woke her up because he was upset about Dr. Glassman not letting him help with his treatment because the way he was trying to help apparently was not what Glassman wanted, and Shaun didn't understand. It was the same night Shaun learned at the hospital what love was, according to his colleague Dr. Morgan Reznick's words.

—

"Thank you, Lea. My life is better with you" He said to her after she offered him some words of wisdom to help him deal with his issues with Glassman.

All she had managed to answer was "Mine too" with a soft smile.

—

For her, they were very nice words that got to her because no one else had ever told them to her before, but for him, it had been a way to let her know he loved her without telling her he loved her. Shaun knew her words didn't carry the same meaning as his in that moment though, but he slowly grew accustomed to the idea that Lea loved someone else and he had to move on, because after all, he deserved to be happy, too, like Glassman had told him.

Lea felt when the disconnection happened, and felt it hard, as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice water on her, especially the night he walked past her to go ask someone else out.

Cause I can't make you love me

If you don't…

I can't make your heart feel

Something it won't

.

And as I watch you leaving me

You pack my peace of mind…

Our love was like the water

That splashes on a stone

Our love is like our music

It's here, and then it's gone

.

I found love, darling

Love in the nick of time.