Well," Eragon said when they were finally somewhat alone, apart from their partners of heart and mind and the eldunari. "As Angela so aptly put it, are we mates? Or will we marry? Will we maintain our current duties? How then will we see each other? For I have not been granted an eternal leave of Arngor, merely a respite… I must return," Eragon said. "And I highly doubt there will ever be a day when there is another you deem fit to rule the elves more than you. So, I suppose we are right back where we started fifteen years ago, and perhaps we should have discussed this further before doing what we did last night." Eragon faltered with his speech then and a crimson blush spread across his face as he remembered their kiss last night once again. "So yes, what is to become of us? Please, Arya tell me your thoughts." He waited patiently while she composed herself.
"Firstly, as to your question of what we are. In the view of elven society, we have technically been mated since the sharing of our true names," she said softly.
Eragon looked confused
"You mean to say that we have been mated all along?" He replied dumbfounded. "That would have been nice to know."
He was a little angry now.
"It is but a technicality," Arya said in explanation. "It is one of the most rare gifts given, as few trust any other with their entire being, so it is usually reserved for the closest of mates. I knew that I trusted you to this extent that day, but I was not ready for more," she said. "I told you once that you might forget about me and find another, but I knew then it was not why I refused you. I needed time after Faolin I did not think it fair to ask for. How could I ask you to wait for me when I knew we may never see each other again?"
"And what of Alagaesia?" she continued. "How could I tempt you then? You would have stayed for me. You would have changed the entire fate of Alagaesia, the fate of the dragons, for me."
He sighed then, knowing the position he had put her in time and again with his advances.
"I was a fool. I was young and I could not see what I was doing to you, to us," Eragon said. She smiled at that.
"You were young, yes Eragon, but not a fool, never a fool. It just takes my people a little longer to come to a conclusion sometimes," she joked. "When you left, I realized how much I relied on your presence, and It hurt. Your absence was like a missing piece of me. It was a stabbing, aching, pain, ever-present in my chest. It was made worse every time we spoke in the mirror." She paused. "Our letters were a small comfort over the years until the last was found and revealed to my court. Your words were not difficult for them to interpret, and there were calls for me to step down."
"Arya I want to explain," Eragon began.
"Wait," she said, cutting him off. "I must tell you the rest before my courage fails me."
She paused, and he waited patiently.
"I wanted to go to you, and Firnen would have flown to Saphira that day if I would have gone with him," she said. "But I could not. There has long been a belief among some of the elves that we are racially superior. Our magic is stronger than most and there are those on the council who wish to reassert elven dominance throughout Alagaesia."
"Who wishes this?" Eragon asked.
"That is beside the point," Arya said. "The point is that leaving meant I could not control my court. Politics are exhausting and even a few weeks would have put me at their mercy for the next few years. This is the chess game that my mother groomed me to play from birth, but I have always hated the twisting of words and intention political scheming brings. So I ignored your letter. I could not allow my opponents to bait me. The pain was worse after I stopped replying to you. Your letters had become a comfort to me, a balm. But then their lack caused me pain as well. My guilt was all the worse when I saw the anger and hurt in your eyes." She paused. "That pain left for the first time in over fifteen years when I saw you yesterday."
Understanding and acceptance flowed from him to her as he reached his mind out to hers, enveloping it in the mental equivalent of a hug.
"I've long wondered," Eragon began. "If you had known of my plan to leave Alagaesia when you left to bury Islanzadi, would you have taken the throne even then?"
"No, Eragon…" Arya said. "Firnen has asked me the same many times. Had I known then, I would have gone with you."
Hope sprung in Eragon's chest at her words. Maybe she was ready to hear him this time.
"You have shared with me your regrets, your pain, and your longing." He said carefully. "I would have you know mine as well."
She nodded, and he began with his first memory of her in a cell in Gilead. She winced at the image reflexively, but he continued to pour comforting thoughts and love into her mind as she viewed the events from his perspective.
She could see that though he knew nothing about her, she mesmerized him. Next, he showed her Angela's prophecy, her defense of him with the twins and their testing, his awe of her beauty and skill during their first sparring match, and every moment he had ever thought of her. By the end of the onslaught of memories he had imparted, Arya was sobbing. She hadn't understood the depth of his love and subsequent sacrifice until now. His feelings were pure, and they had never faltered. He was so sure she was the one even back then. Now he only wished to be free of the pain that loving her had caused within his soul. He wanted her to either destroy him completely or accept his love because the pain of missing her was too much. Arya knew then that she didn't deserve him. She had caused this.
"I'm so sorry, Eragon," Arya said. "You…"
"Shhh," he whispered to her, holding her close now. "It is all in the past. We can change nothing now. Now, tell me, what of my other questions?"
"I.." Arya faltered. She knew not what to say. "Forgive me, but I think you summed up our positions well earlier, and I do not have much to add on the matter," she began. "What else can I say?"
"Tell me what you want Arya, not what is good for the elves or Alagaesia," he prodded.
"I.." Arya said. Then she gathered her courage once more. "I want you Eragon. I want Firnen and Saphira to be happy, and I want you to be happy, but…how can I leave my people? What about my mother and father's legacy? What will happen if a monarch is chosen who will not support the other races? It would leave Alagaesia in turmoil. My actions do not affect me alone. How can I be that selfish?"