Ch 132: Lola the Pageant Ghost
Here is the next chapter. A parody of the episode: Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost.
Also before you read this chapter, here's a list of episodes I WON'T or may not be doing from seasons 7-13. Season 13 is the current season and it's not completed yet but I'll still list episodes that I've seen from it.
-Tentacle Vision
-Stuck in a Wringer
-Someone's in the Kitchen with Sandy
-Greasy Buffoons
-Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful
-A Pal for Gary
-Yours Mine and Mine
-Kracked Krabs
-The Curse of Bikini Bottom
-SpongeBob's Last Stand
-A Day Without Tears
-Summer Job
-One Course Meal
-The Play's the Thing
-Rodeo Daze
-Gramma's Secret Recipe
-The Cent of Money (maybe)
-All Legend of Bikini Bottom episodes
-That Sinking Feeling
-Whelk Attack
-You Don't Know Sponge
-Krusty Dogs
-New Fish in Town
-Love that Squid
-Big Sister Sam
-The Other Patty
-Sentimental Sponge
-Squidward's school for Grown ups
-Oral Report (maybe)
-Sweet and Sour Squid
-The Googly Artiste
-Patrick's Staycation
-Walking the Plankton
-Mooncation
-Krabs Takes a Vacation
-Barnacle Face
-Pet Sitter Pat
-House Sittin for Sandy
-Smooth Jazz in Bikini Bottom
-Bubble Troubles
-Bubble Buddy Returns
-Restraining Spongebob
-Fiasco!
-Free Samples
-Home Sweet Rubble
-Face Freeze
-Squiditis
-Demolition Doofus
-From Here to Go
-Super Evil Aquatic Villain Team Up is Go!
-Chum Fricassee
-The Good Krabby Name
-Move it or Lose It
-Patrick-Man!
-Gary's New Toy
-Squid Baby
-Little Yellow Book
-Bumper to Bumper
-Jailbreak
-Evil Spatula
-Safe Deposit Krabs
-Don't Look Now
-Kenny the Cat
-Spongebob You're Fired
-Tutor Sauce
-The Executive Treatment
-Company Picnic
-Spongebob Longpants
-The Fish Bowl
-Married to Money
-Sold!
-Goodbye Krabby Patty?
-Sandy's Nutmare
-Pineapple Invasion
-Mutiny on the Krusty
-The Whole Tooth
-Whirly Brains
-Mermaid Pants
-Unreal Estate
-SpongeBob's Place
-Plankton gets the Boot
-Burst Your Bubble
-Plankton Retires
-Sportz
-The Getaway (maybe)
-Out of the Picture
-The Clam Whisperer
-The Check Up
-Krabby Patty Creature Feature
-Teachers Pests
-Sanitation Insanity (maybe)
-Cuddle E Hugs
-Drive Happy
-Old Man Patrick
-Fun Sized Friends
-Grandmum's the Word
-High Sea Diving
-Bottle Burglars (maybe)
-Ink Lemonade
-Shopping List
-Whale Watching
-Patnocchio
-Library Cards
-The Grill is Gone (maybe)
-The Night Patty
-Bubbletown
-Squirrel Jelly
-Farmerbob (unsure)
-The Nitwitting
-The Krusty Slammer
-Pineapple RV (maybe)
-Gary's Got Legs
-King Plankton (maybe)
-Plankton's old chum
-The Krusty Bucket
-Sandy's Nutty Nieces
-Insecurity Guards (not sure)
-Karen's Baby
-Shell Games
-Jolly Lodgers
-Biddy Sitting
-Spongebob in Randomland
-SpongeBob's Bad Habit
-Handemonium
-Breakin'
-Boss for a Day (maybe)
-The Goofy Newbie
-My Two Krabses
-Lighthouse Louie (maybe)
-Thr Hankering
-Plankton's Intern
-Lockdown for Love
-Squidwards Sick Daze
-Pat the Dog
-Something Narwhal this Way Comes
-C.H.U.M.S
-Potato Puff
-Sea Man Sponge Haters Club (maybe)
-Plane to Sea
-Slappy Daze
-You're Going to Pay…phone
-A Skin Wrinkle in Time
-Abandon Twits
-Walhalla
-The Flower Pot
-Delivery to Monster Island
So that's what I've got. There are some I'm not sure about doing, even SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout. But I could make some changes after I rewatch some of these episodes. With that info out of the way, here's the next chapter.
The chapter begins at the Loud house. Lola is admiring a wax sculpture of herself she won at a beauty pageant where an artist came over and gave her this unique prize when she wowed him with her performance.
Lola: Have I told you how beautiful you are? Your hair, your nose, your eyes...a little lopsided. [takes out the right eye, fixes it then puts it back in place] There. Now that I've been immortalized in wax by some artist, I feel like I've won every pageantry award. Come on my precious reflection, smile! [Lola makes the wax sculpture smile. Then she hears a crash from outside and frowns; the sculpture does as well]
Outside, Leni and Lana are playing some weird game with weird rules.
Lana: Hike, Leni, hike! [both run in separate directions but Lana has a big rock. She drops the rock on the ground and it breaks in half while Leni blows a chess piece across a chessboard] You just lost three points. [climbs a tree branch] One. Two. Five! [flips upside down and blows a bubble into a shape] G-7!
Leni: G-7? King me! King me! [runs into the tree and pops the bubble] I lose!
Lana: But it's not Tuesday, Leni.
Leni: Dang it!
Lola peeks out.
Lola: Hey! What are you barbarians doing?
Lana and Leni: We don't know.
Lola: Well pipe down!
Leni: We were just playing a game.
Lola: Hey, Leni, do you know what time it is?
Leni: Uh, yeah, Lola, it's... [checks her watch but all the bubble soap she was holding leaks out when she turns her wrist around]
Lola: Time to find some other game to play! [laughs, then she checks the time] Oh. It's time for my bubble bath.
Cut to the pageant girl in her bathrobe and entering the bathroom to start her bubble bath.
Lana: Now what?
Leni: [sees Lynn's football nearby] We can toss that football back and forth.
Lana: Let's do it!
Leni: [picks up football] Go short…I mean, go long! [she throws the ball]
Lana: I got it! I got it! [the ball flies through the open window, knocks into Lola's sculpture, and it falls over] I got it! I got it! I got it!
The two sisters enter the house.
Leni: There it is! [points to the ball that is lodged in the head of the wax sculpture of Lola]
Lana and Leni: I got it! I got it! [Leni pulls the football out]
Leni: Bonus points! [Leni starts to walk off]
Lana: Uhh, Leni? I think something's wrong with Lola. She looks unconscious.
Leni: Don't worry. I know how to do this. [The ditzy blonde tries to give CPR, but her face turns blue and she floats up to the ceiling but lets out all the air and lands on top of the wax sculpture's head]
Lana: Get off her, Leni! [Leni stands up]
Leni: What are you talking about? [the sculpture's face is now squashed] She looks better already.
Lana and Leni stand her up.
Lana: But she still feels cold.
Leni: Well, let's go put her in the warm.
Lana and Leni bring the sculpture in front of the window with the sun shining through it.
Lana: Do you think she'll be okay?
Lana: Don't worry Lana. [the sculpture begins to melt] Your big sis is here and I know a lot about head injuries, believe…[Leni pauses and Lana snaps her fingers]…me. Hey, what's that on your shoe? [Lana looks down]
Lana: I don't know.
Leni: It kind of looks like... [a liquid puddle of pink goo is on the floor]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Lola!
Both are screaming as Lola is powdering her nose. The two siblings try to fix the sculpture.
Lana: No, no, that part goes here.
Leni: Yeah-yeah, that's it, uh-huh.
Lana: We're almost there. We can do this.
Leni: It's working, it's working…
Lana: This is working. [sculpture melts again] Patrick, this isn't working!
Leni: Look! [eyes turn over]
Lana: [starts to tear up] I don't know how to say it, but our sister Lola, she's...she's... she's pushing up daisies!
Leni: Oh, I thought she was dead.
Lola comes out of the bathroom covered in talcum powder and goes downstairs. When Lana and Leni see her, they cling to each other and get scared, thinking she's a ghost.
Lola: Hey, what are you guys-
Lana: No, stay back!
Leni: Don't, don't hurt us!
Lana: It was an accident!
Lola: What are you two talking about? [she notices the goo on the floor and screams] Look what you've done to me! When I get my hands on you, I'll…
Lana: [sobs] Please, Lola's ghost! [Lana and Leni are bowing before Lola] Spare us your ghostly anger! [Leni is kissing Lola's feet and sobbing]
Leni: [as Lana cries] Oh, yes, Lola's ghost! Please don't haunt us!
Lana: [as cries] We'll do anything you want! Just have mercy on us!
Lola suddenly gets an idea and grins evilly.
Lola: Enough! Listen up! Lola's ghost is feeling unusually generous today. She hath decided to spare ye a horrible fate. All ye must do is tend to my every whim, and tickle my fancy on demand.
Lana: Does that include…
Lola: Quiet! Now, do as you're told, lest ye incur the wrath of Lola!
Leni: [whispers to Lana] I think they make a cream for that now.
Soon, Lana and Leni carry Lola out on her bed, or throne, as she calls it.
Lana: Here?
Lola: Too hot.
Lana and Leni walk a little more, then they stop.
Lana: Here?
Lola: No, too shady. Keep going. Keep going.
Lana and Leni walk some more then stop at the painting La Troupe de Mademoiselle Eglantine (created by artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec) with Lily, Lisa, Lucy, and Luan as the dancers.
Lana: Here?
Lola: Too loose, Lautrec. [Luna appears and does a rim shot]
Lana: Too tired... [both sisters stop where they are and collapse on the ground]
Lola: Perfect. Hmmm, I feel needy. [claps her hands] Slaves, fetcheth me some nourishment.
Lana: Only the freshest, o spooky one.
Both sisters run off. Leni comes back with a grape.
Leni: A grape fresh from the vine, your ghostliness. [drops the grape into Lola's mouth. Lola eats it while Leni goes and gets a banana] A banana peeled to your liking, your incorporealness. [squeezes the banana into Lola's mouth, and she eats the peeled banana. Lana comes back with a watermelon]
Lana: One watermelon... [drops it onto Lola's face, who keels over due to the weight] fresh from the manure fields, your spookiness.
On the ground, Lola removes the melon from her face and her head is squashed.
Lana: Art thou not pleased?
Lola: Enough of that! I want something else to eat now. Something that's very difficult to find.
Leni: What do you hunger for, master?
Lana: Whatever you want, we'll find it. We'll find it.
Lola: Cherry pie. [Leni holds up a cherry pie] Where'd you get that?
Leni: I found it.
Lola takes it and throws it somewhere.
Lola: Well, go find it again! [Leni goes searching for it] Lana, get over here. Now spin around. [Lana turns around] That's better. Now jog in place. [Lana jogs in place] Say "Princess Ponies."
Lana: Princess ponies.
Lola: I think I'm beginning to like this. Stop. [Lana stops] Now, play me an elaborate song with this! [gives Lana a tissue]
Lana: But this is just a piece of tissue paper. And Luna's the musical one.
Lola: Oh, my. Always having to have it our way, don't we? Oh, boo-hoo.
Lana blows through the tissue to try and get it to make music.
Lana: I can't do it!
Lola: Well, I hope you don't have any plans tonight, 'cause you're not allowed to leave that spot till I hear a song. [walks away. Two hours past but Lana is too ashamed to leave her spot and she ends up lying on the ground with the tissue on her nose. Lola comes back] What's this? Napping on the job? You're supposed to be making music for me. As punishment for this insolence, Lola's ghost commandeth you to clean out her back room.
Leni: [comes back with the pie] I found it. [Lola takes it]
Lola: I'll take that! [throws pie in Leni's face]
Leni: Yes, your ghostliness! [licks filling off her face] This is fun.
Now Lana and Leni are heading to the attic.
Lana: Leni, are you ready for this?
Leni: Yes. [Lana walks a couple steps forward]
Lana: Okay, let's go. Leni, are you coming? [Leni is facing the wrong way]
Leni: Yes.
Lana: Leni, it's this way.
Leni: Where?
Lana: Here.
Leni: [turns around] Oh, coming! [both enter the attic with a bunch of junk in it] How are we going to clean up all this mess?
Lana: It's easy. Just tear this wallpaper off! [tears the wall]
Leni: [laughs] Oh look, you missed some. [Lana picks up a book]
Lana: Oh, let's see. It's a comic book, and look at this. It's the Origin of Great Grandma Harriet. [shows picture in the book] It says when she died they used her body at a Halloween store for authenticity. Now she haunts Royal Woods because she was never put to rest. Well, don't you get it, Leni?
Leni: We're going to go shopping?
Lana: No! We're gonna put poor old Lola to rest.
Now the pageant twin is laying on the couch; Lana and Leni spit spitballs at her.
Lola: Ow! What the heck was that?
Lana: Initiation! That was part one of your ceremony.
Lola: Ceremony for what?
Lana: We're going to put you to rest.
Lola: I don't want to be put to rest! All I want are those chores done. Now, have you cleaned the attic yet?
Lana: Yeah.
Lola Oh, really? I'm going to go check. [walks off. Enters the attic and screams because she sees Leni and Lana with Lucy's old coffin]
Lana: Okay, get in.
Lola: Are you crazy? I'm not getting into that thing!
Lana: But you said we could put you to rest.
Lola: I didn't say anything like that! Just leave me alone! [she leaves and marches to her room] What is wrong with those two? [hears something outside] Now what? [sees Leni and Lana outside and Lana is writing on a tombstone]
Lana: I wrote, "Here lies Lola Loud. You may not remember her, but she..." [Lola screams] Oh, hi, Lola. Does this look deep enough?
Lola: Lana! Cut that out!
Lana: Oh, look, the mourners have arrived.
The other Loud members and Lola's friends/pageant rivals have shown up to start the funeral with Lucy definitely in on it too.
Lucy: Oh, Lola, we all came as soon as we were sure you were dead.
Lola: Lana, are you trying to put me in the nuthouse?
Lana: No, just into this hole.
Lola: [groans then sighs] Guys, I have a confession to make. [takes off her head towel]
Leni: [gasps] You're blonde?
Lola: No, you bonehead! I'm alive! Now get rid of that tombstone and tell everyone to go home!
Lana: But…
Lola: Do it!
Lana: [to the mourners] Go home.
Her friends and rivals leave while the rest of the family head inside the house.
Lana: But I, Master-
Lola: I'm not your master, I'm your sister. Now do me a favor and stop doing me favors! [walks off]
Lana: As you wish, master.
Lola: D'oh!
Leni: Boy, she really had us fooled.
Lana: I'll say.
Cut to Lola sunbathing in the front yard. Then Leni and Lana show up.
Lana: Hey Lola, we just want to apologize for ruining your wax figure.
Leni: Yeah.
Lana: So we made you another sculpture. [they show the sculpture but it's made out of trash] It was my idea.
Lola: [disgusted, sarcastically] I never would've guessed. [sincere] But I do appreciate the effort you put into it. Thanks guys.
Lucy: [shows up] Sigh. I was really hoping to see a true ghost today.
Lola rolls her eyes.