A parody of the episode with the same name.
The story starts at Ketcham Park. Rusty is riding his bike through a bike track, performing a no hands trick, then he bumps into a rock, causing him to fly off and hit a tree. The red word "GAME OVER" flashes, also making a ¨death¨ sound effect. The screen zooms out, revealing that Rusty is only playing a video game with his character while riding his bike down a hill.
Rusty: Aww, I lost again! This game stinks! [bumps into a rock and screams again while flying, then hits a tree just like on his video game and gets buried in acorns]
The other friends are on top of the hill with their own bikes.
Stella: That's why you gotta pay attention when you're riding your bike.
Lincoln: My turn! [starts riding his bike down the hill and passes by Rusty who is buried in acorns] Watch out for the squirrels, Rusty!
Rusty: [dazed] Wha? [then he gets attacked by squirrels]
Lincoln: Hey guys, watch me do the "Grouchy Grouse!"
Mr. Grouse: [sits at a table drinking tea nearby] Stop naming moves after me!
Lincoln: [imitating Mr. Grouse] Everybody's a nuisance except me!
Mr. Grouse: Well it's true! [sips his tea]
Lincoln laughs like Mr. Grouse. His friends laugh with him.
Clyde: [stops laughing and gasps] Lincoln! Look out for that sign!
Lincoln: [stops laughing like Mr. Grouse] Huh? [avoids a "track closed" sign by turning left] Don't worry, guys, everything is under control, 'cause I'm an... [hits a log and flies off his bike] Expert...!
He flies past an obstacle of hazardous stuff like cactuses, snakes in a pit, and even a utensil graveyard where a sign reads "Utensil Graveyard please bury your utensil pointy and up!", then lands on a sofa.
Lincoln: Phew. What an unbelievable stroke of luck. [then he gets launched in the air by the sofa spring and lands on a cactus, right on his butt. Then screams in pain]
Liam: Ooh, that's gotta hurt!
Rusty: Do it again! I wasn't looking!
Cut to the doctor's office.
Doctor: Well, it looks like your gluteus maximus has made a full recovery.
Lincoln: My what has a what now?
Doctor: Your butt's all better. I just had to bandage it up after the cactus thorns were removed. Luckily, that's not the worst injury. But from now on, I'd like you to be more careful. One more injury like that and you could wind up like that poor guy there [points to where the guy is] [we see a guy and his butt is in a giant machine] in the Iron Butt.
Guy: [in the Iron Butt] Aww, man, it itches.
Lincoln: [outside hospital] You heard the doctor, Lincoln. One more injury like that, then it's the Iron Butt. I've been too careless back there. From now on, I am on round-the-clock butt patrol. [sees Benny behind him] Hep, hep, hep! Stay away from the backside! I'm warning you!
Benny: What's your problem? [leaves Lincoln]
Lincoln: Whew. That was close.
Football Player: Hey, Lincoln, why don't you join us? We need an extra player. [another football player catches a football] Nice catch, Percy! [slaps Percy's bottom, Lincoln cringes as he holds his butt]
Rocky: Hey, Lincoln! [Lincoln screams as he turns around, while holding his butt] You've gotta try this, dude! We finally got enough people for a seven-mile spanking machine! [crawls between people's legs, who each take turns spanking his butt] Ha, ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
Skippy: Next.
Lincoln: No! [screams as he runs off. Everybody looks at him]
Mr. Grouse: Is this where the line starts?
Lincoln: My butt is not safe out here! [runs inside his house and closes the door] No part of me is safe! [closes the window curtain]
Later that day, Lincoln's friends arrive at his house on their bikes after their trip from the park.
Liam: Yeah! Ride 'em, cowboy!
Rusty had to get his bike repaired (due to an unknown accident) and is riding on Liam's back and starts laughing as they enter Lincoln's house.
Clyde: Hey, Lincoln!
Rusty: [is still laughing while riding on Liam's back; Liam glares at him and he gets off his back as well as clearing his throat afterwards] That was fun. [he stops smiling]
Clyde: [Rusty smiles again] Hey, Lincoln, you ready to go biking again? Lincoln?
The white haired boy is sitting in a fetal position in the middle of the floor, with a penny, his stuffed rabbit Bun Bun, and a wadded-up napkin lying on the floor in front of him.
Lincoln: [with a little smile on his face] Hello, friends. Enjoying the outside world?
Zach: Whatcha doing sitting in the middle of the floor like that?
Lincoln: Oh, living out the remainder of my life, in safety. If you guys were smart, you would join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor. And so I simply decided that I'm never leaving my house again.
Stella: That's crazy talk!
Rusty: That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk. [does various forms of gibberish blabbing, but his third blabbing makes his saliva hit Stella, making her pound him to shush him, bashing his face in] Sorry.
Lincoln: No, Rusty's right, Stella. You saw what happened and next time it won't just be my butt. It'll be my armpit or my forehead.
Rusty: Or your other armpit!
Lincoln: I was wrong to go against nature. I'm a fragile kid. What was I thinking? Walking… My people are sedentary.
Liam: Just sitting in your house? Ain't you gonna get lonesome?
Lincoln: I won't be lonesome. I've got all the friends I need right here. This is Penny... [holds up a penny] you know Bun Bun... [holds up his stuffed rabbit] and say, "hello" to Used Napkin. [holds up a used napkin]
Zach: Well, what about school?
Lincoln: No problem. I've hired a stunt double. [points to the stunt double doing his homework, similar to the time where the Louds hired stunt doubles to avoid Luan's April fools day pranks from the episode "Fool Me Twice". However this one was closer to Lincoln's age]
Stunt double: I'm getting paid for this, right?
Lincoln hands him some cash.
Stella: What about eatin'?
Lincoln: My dad owns a restaurant. I'll just eat whatever he brings home.
Clyde: Lincoln, sooner or later, you're gonna have to go outside!
Lincoln: Listen, I've told you, but I'm never leaving my house again.
Rusty: Never ever?
Lincoln: Never ever ever!
Rusty: Never ever ever ever ever for never ever?!
Lincoln: Never ever never never ever ever never!
Rusty: Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?!
Lincoln: [sighs exasperatedly] Never ever…
Lincoln and Rusty: Never never never never ever never ever never…
Lincoln: Alright, Rusty, that is enough! Bun Bun, would you mind showing these guys to the door? [throws Bun Bun to the door, opening it, and they leave]
Rusty: Thank you, Bun Bun. [closes the door. Outside, Clyde is still glaring at Lincoln]
Clyde: I guess I'll have to find a new best friend. Hey, Mr. Grouse!
Mr. Grouse: [pops out of his window] No! [slams his window shut]
Clyde: Aww!
Stella: Don't worry, guys. We'll get Lincoln to come outside, and then he'll see there's nothing to be afraid of.
Rusty: And that's when I [holds a boxing glove] punch him, right?! [Stella gives a bummed look.]
Cut to Lincoln's friends having a squirt gun battle outside his house.
Clyde: Nothing like a squirt gun battle with REAL friends.
Stella: Too bad Lincoln is missing out on all the fun.
Zach: Oh Rusty…
Rusty: Huh? [he notices Zach with a super soaker and he gets hit with Zach's intense water blast, then crashes into a tree]
Lincoln: Look at those fools. Risking their lives, using water guns. My new hobby is much safer, isn't it, Bun Bun? Window spraying. [uses a cleaning spray bottle to spray the window, then wipes it] Finally got rid of that dusk.
Stella: We've got to try something else!
Next the gang are holding a cake in front of Lincoln's house.
The gang: Three cheers on your birthday, Lincoln! Three cheers for you!
Clyde: Now you got to blow out the candles and make a wish.
Lincoln: I don't need the wish, Penny. Everything I could ever want is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the joy of staying indoors. I know of a place where you never get harmed. A magical place with magical charms. Indoors! Indoors! Indoors! Take it away, Penny! [cut to the penny lying silently on the floor]
Rusty: [sniffles] That penny has the most beautiful voice.
Stella: [goes inside the window to angrily point at a smiling Lincoln] That is it, Loud! We're gonna find you something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside!
Cut to a montage of Lincoln's friends doing fun stuff.
Stella: [jumps on a trampoline] Trampoline!
Rusty: [holds an ice cream cone] Ice cream!
Zach: [surfs on a wave] Surfing!
Rusty: [holds two ice cream cones] Two ice creams!
Stella and Clyde: [rides on a Ferris wheel] Ferris wheel!
Rusty: [the two ice creams are now melting] Still two ice creams!
Liam: [struggling with a pig] Pig wrestling!
Rusty: [washes an old man in a tub] Washing an old person!
Clyde: Rusty, that's not fun.
Old man: It is for me!
Lincoln is still inside and eating a salad, and his friends watch him through his window.
Liam: Nothing's working, fellers!
Zach: This is worse than we thought. He's become a health nut.
Rusty: What do we do?
Old man: [appearing from below] I say we take a bath!
Stella: Wha... will you get out of here?
Soon, the five kids are hiding behind a bush and Rusty is in a gorilla suit.
Clyde: Now remember. Don't jump out until I give the signal.
Rusty: Right. [he zips up his mask]
Clyde: [opens the door] All right, Lincoln. You win. Stay inside forever. Yours is truly the iron will. Now, Rusty!
Rusty comes out in the gorilla suit and acts all wild like a gorilla.
Clyde: Eek! A gorilla!
Stella: Save us, Lincoln!
Lincoln: Okay, guys, really, this is your saddest attempt yet. Even Bun Bun knows that's Rusty in the same costume that he wore for Halloween last year.
Liam: [Rusty continues dancing] No, really! You've got to come and save us!
Suddenly, a second Rusty shows up out of nowhere with an ice cream.
Rusty: Hey, guys. [Lincoln gives a startled look] Who's your friend?
Clyde: [Confused] But-but you're supposed to be in the gorilla suit.
Rusty #1: I am in the gorilla suit. [unzips the gorilla suit] I thought I was doing a pretty good job.
Zach: If you're Rusty, then who's that? [The friends look at second Rusty who unzips his head, which reveals a live-action gorilla underneath which scares them]
Clyde: [gasps] A real gorilla!
Lincoln: [Shocked] Huh? [The gorilla rips out of the Rusty suit it is wearing. The five kids are screaming. The gorilla grabs the scared kids, puts them in a bag, and repeatedly beats them] Oh, my gosh! [The friends are still screaming while the gorilla beats them] This can't be happening! [The gorilla hits them using a chair, then beats them some more] This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about! [the gorilla can be seen still beating up the sack outside the window; it also does things like dribbling the sack and bouncing on it like it's a ball] Well, they were asking for it. It's not like I didn't warn them about the dangers of outside. Yes, Bun Bun, I know they're my dearest friends in the world, but I told them, I wasn't going outside no matter what. We can do without the name calling, thank you very much, Used Napkin! I know, Bun Bun. If I was out there, bagged by an ape, my friends would risk anything to save me. And I've got to do the same for them. If I don't come back alive, Bun Bun, you'll still be safe in this house.
Charles comes by and uses the stuffed rabbit as a chew toy.
Lincoln: [looks behind] Well, here I go. From the safety of my home, to the outside world. [gulps and shakes as he reaches for the door. The door shakes as well until Lincoln opens it] I'm taking my [walks slowly] first step. [continues walking] So far, so good. I think I can do this! [the wind blows a piece of paper onto his face; Lincoln screams] Oh, sweet mercy, get off of me, get off of me! Bun Bun! Help me, help me! [Mr. Grouse, who is watering his plants, rolls his eyes. Lincoln then removes the paper off his face] I'm still alive! I did it! I made it outside! Nothing can stop me now! [the gorilla grabs the white haired boy] Is it too late to go back inside again? [the gorilla squeezes him] It's too late. [the gorilla screeches] Hey, guys?
Clyde, Stella, Liam, Rusty and Zach: Yeah, Lincoln?
Lincoln: I'm sorry I caused all this. I'm not scared of going outside anymore. [eye shrinks] But I'm terrified of gorillas now.
Clyde: [shaken] Ah, that's okay, Lincoln. Us too.
Lincoln: You know what I don't understand though?
Rusty: What?
Lincoln: What's a gorilla doing here in the first place? [the gorilla's eyes widen once he realizes this]
Gorilla: [man's voice] Oh! Well, it's funny you should, I mean, you see, George, they're onto us! [A live action zebra rushes over]
George: Let's get outta here! [the gorilla gets on George and rides away with him]
The six friends are watching the gorilla ride on George into the sunset. Text reads: The End. The screen zooms out to reveal a live-action Sponge House fan reading the chapter online and has a confused look. He shakes his head, and eventually turns off the computer.