Chapter 38: Don't Fall In
Dawn broke early on this mid-autumn day. The quiet snores of Windclan hummed in the air. Like always, I rose early. I'd honestly have loved to sleep longer, if only to keep away from my ongoing turmoil of emotions longer, but waking early was a well-established habit. I couldn't make myself fall back asleep. Thus, I decided to do the next best thing. I made my way out of the barn to find something to occupy myself. Maybe catching a mouse or two would break me out of my funk.
Hunting was therapeutic. I didn't have to think much, but it took focus, focus I could divert away from my emotional instability. I managed to make three clean catches, far better than my usual efforts, when I saw it. Out in the field where the cattle grazed, there was a trough, a water trough. It wasn't all that eye catching, but something about it just urged me over. I soon found myself near its black plastic bulk. The top edge rolled into somewhat of a platform, not necessarily wide, but more so than some of the fences I walked on. I leapt onto the edge to see what had drawn me to this trough.
I can tell you, the trip was worth the effort. What I saw was equal parts mysterious and fascinating. The night hadn't been that cold, and the black plastic should have kept the trough warm, but upon the surface of the water within was a sheet of ice. It was somehow both unnatural and tantalizing. The icy illusion was halfway down the trough, close to touching distance. It called to me, like a promise. I wanted, no, needed to touch it, if only to confirm it was real.
I slowly inched myself forward, keeping my back legs hooked so as not to fall in. It was so close. I could already feel the air tickling at my outstretched paw. It was only a couple inches away. I could feel it. I wanted it. I leaned further, my back paws now past the lip's edge. I could almost touch it. Then I felt that awful moment, that moment where you've realized you've gone too far. I couldn't catch myself. I'd overbalanced, and I was going to fall in. That cold temptation would be my watery grave.
It was then that I felt something, no, someone catch onto my tail. They pulled me, giving me enough grip and force to prevent my unwanted dip. I pulled myself free from this siren water trough panting with adrenaline. I looked back at my rescuer to see Windclan's medicine cat. They briefly spat a small clump of fur they pulled from my tail in their efforts to save me.
"Thanks. That was far too close." I mewed appreciatively.
"Resist the temptation, and you won't fall in." They responded.
What they said felt wrong, like it was misplaced in time. It was like they were warning me of the trough even though I'd already fallen for its temptation. Something about that interaction bugged me, and it wasn't just that warning delivered late. Something about that medicine cat's presence felt off. Their eyes seemed to be seeing something beyond me. Those words, so strange and misplaced, stuck tightly in my mind.
It was only after returning to the barn with my catches did I realize what set me so off kilter with that medicine cat. They smelled like mint. That wouldn't be so surprising, given they were a medicine cat, if it weren't for the fact that every single herb they had on paw was delivered by me. I never found any mint in the destroyed Windclan camp, and I knew Yellowfang never gave me any, so why did they smell like mint?
After being roused for the day, Windclan finally managed their safe return. I'd normally congratulate them, but I seemed to be more distracted than usual. Sure I nodded along with Fireheart and Graystripe as they accepted thanks and planned the return trip, but I just wasn't all there. I was just still processing, my and Fireheart's mortality, my deep longing for a friend I hadn't left long, and that weird medicine cat and what they said.
I didn't even realize we were in Riverclan territory until I heard Leopardfur call an attack. That was all that was needed to set my head straight. I soon found myself engaged in a brawl with a cat possibly heftier than me. Sure, he had the muscle mass and weight to trade, but I knew how to make my scratches hurt more. Other cats sharpen their claws regularly. I leave mine just a tiny bit dull. This is not a mercy. It was the classic case of which kind of cut hurts more, the one done by a sharp knife versus a butter knife. The answer is the butter knife since it leaves more of a tear than a cut. That's why my claws hurt more.
The Riverclan warrior retreated just in time for me to see Graystripe beginning to roll with another tom towards the edge of the gorge. "Graystripe! Edge!" I screeched. Graystripe managed to break away from his tussle, avoiding the potential fate of falling into the gorge.
"Thunderclan, attack!" I heard a gruff voice yowl.
I saw Tigerclaw burst onto the scene. There were more cats, but I didn't get a good look because someone rammed into my side. It was Leopardfur. A normal cat would only be rolled. A normal cat could recover from that attack. Again, I am not a normal cat. My reflexes are slow. I don't have the same ability to react. It was because of that, that I nearly found myself going over the gorge's edge like Graystripe almost did. I'd gotten lucky and hooked my front paws on the dusty soil. Unfortunately for me, the part of the gorge I almost went over was a shelf. There was nowhere for my back paws to kick off of to bring myself back up.
I wasn't the only one who was in this precarious situation. Sandpaw had somehow managed to find herself barely clinging on. I was stunned by my sudden peril and almost how comical it was that only yesterday Fireheart had nearly died. Then I felt the ground beneath my front paws slide. No. That wasn't correct. The ground hadn't moved. I had. I was slipping backward. With no other surface to grip, I couldn't even chance trying to readjust my front paws.
I looked for some cat, any cat, to save me. Ther was Tigerclaw, but something about the look in his eye told me he wouldn't come to my aid. It was the look of someone who had a problem solved by fate. My death would be nothing but a relief to him. Maybe Fireheart!
The sound of scrambling paws shattered my hope. There was Sandpaw being pulled back to safety by the one I hoped would rescue me, Fireheart. He rescued her! I raged. My claws dug deep in my anger, possibly buying me a few precious seconds. In an instant my rage cooled. No. I knew Fireheart didn't wish me harm. He was a hero, and heroes rescue the first victim they can. Sandpaw had just been closer. Fireheart hadn't prioritized them over me.
I looked back at the rapids of the river below. Each splash of white foam and each lull in speed told a story. If I did this right, if I calculated everything, I could survive this. I reached into the cold nestled deep into my soul looking for answers. It was like time stood still as I looked for all my options. The rapids were fast and filled with rocks. Falling into a deep lull would not guarantee my survival. If I fell in, I'd have to be running at one hundred percent moving with perfect efficiency to survive. I'd have to give in to the cold. I'd survive but not live. The me who'd return would be the cold-blooded killer I left behind in my last life. Despite my unwillingness to become who I was before, I really didn't want to die.
I almost gave in, until something so minuscule small distracted me. It shouldn't have even been a thing I noticed. I was running on adrenaline and doing everything I could to survive, but somehow this pierced the veil. How it did was a mystery. What could have possibly broken through my survival instincts you ask. I thought I smelled mint.
That distraction saved my life. If not for that brief moment of paralysis, I'd have kicked myself back into those rapids running on ice. Instead, I felt some cat get a grip on my scruff. With a team effort, we clawed and pulled until I was safe. My vision was blurry and my head raged with a migraine, but I made an effort to see who had saved me. A familiar black shape with a white chest was hunched over me with concern.
"Ravenfeather?" I asked.
And just like that, I was wrapped up in an embrace that seemed to erase away all the troubles that had accumulated on this quest, my and Fireheart's near death experiences, my fear of a lack of control, and most importantly, my loneliness.