Chapter 39: After Action

Besides Tigerclaw chewing us out for traveling through Riverclan territory, our mission was largely a success. There was one major issue though. Riverclan had witnessed Thunderclan cats and Windclan cats travelling together in their territory. It wouldn't be hard for them to make the assumption that we'd joined forces. We'd have to clear that up at the next Gathering or face higher hostility from Riverclan. Our so-called alliance would also adversely affect Windclan. Shadowclan is already pressing their borders hard, so getting in a fight with Riverclan would leave them with a war on two fronts. It'd be suicide.

I mulled over these possibilities despite my migraine as Bluestar brought us in. It was time for the report.

"So, I heard from Tigerclaw that you three went through Riverclan territory and got into a fight. Is that correct?" Bluestar stated, wanting a confession.

"It was my fault." Graystripe apologized. "I thought we could cut some time off the return trip. We'd been traveling for quite a while."

Bluestar tilted her head at me. "And you had no arguments about that?"

Bluestar knew me too well. If I hadn't been so distracted and out of it, I would have called out that plan.

"I'd recently had a small emotional breakdown. Following, I was sort of out of it. I wasn't really paying attention until Leopardfur attacked, but that is no excuse. I should have done better." I conceded.

"Please don't be mad at Smudgefoot." Fireheart begged. "He sort of snapped because I did something stupid and almost got myself killed. It worked out in the end, but Smudgefoot scolded me pretty sharply for my recklessness."

"Yeah. That'd do it." Tigerclaw muttered.

"Oh?" Bluestar mewed.

Tigerclaw seemed hesitant, whether that was because I was present or he just didn't want Bluestar knowing how to manipulate me was up in the air. Ultimately, he did give her the answer.

"Smudgefoot is a cat with possessive tendencies. I'm sure you've noticed, but Smudgefoot creates a very tight circle of friends, of which he is willing to kill and die for. As far as I can tell, only Ravenfeather and Fireheart are in Smudgefoot's circle. That correct?" Tigerclaw deflected at me.

"I'm honestly impressed Tigerclaw. I didn't think you'd pick that up, but since now you know, I can afford to tell you that they are in fact protected by me. I know you, Bluestar, would never deliberately harm those two, but I make the threat regardless. If you hurt those I care about, no shadow will hide you and no distance will be too far. I'll find you and ruin you." I hissed.

Fireheart and Graystripe actually cowered a bit at the venom in my statement. Tigerclaw did flinch, but he held himself firmer than those two. Meanwhile Bluestar just looked at me smugly before stating, "That's what I'm counting on."

I really don't like how much Bluestar has me wrapped around her paw, but as long as she keeps my friends safe and happy, I'd willingly jump into the gorge I'd almost fallen into already. Not like it'd kill me, given who I am.

Bluestar caught my attention again with a wave. "Regardless. I've got two kits ready to become apprentices, but I've also got three warriors I'm deciding between. Namely, you three."

"If you are willing," I began, "I'd like to sit this one out. Not because I don't want an apprentice. There is a certain kit that caught my interest. When he is old enough, I'd like to train Ashkit. Something about the way he acts makes me think he needs a special kind of teacher."

Bluestar seemed lost in thought before nodding. "Very well. In apology for not giving you an apprentice now, I do promise you Ashkit will be your apprentice when he comes of age."

Ashkit was barely over two moons old, but I'd already started seeing the signs. The kit was a bit more selfish than his sibling. He pushed harder, and, according to his mother, had a tendency to bite. He couldn't vocalize his words, but his eyes still told enough. Where Fernkit looked at others like they were cats, Ashkit looked at them like they were aliens or other. If I was correct and caught it early enough, I believe I could prevent a dangerous sociopath from coming into being.

Since I dodged the bullet that is becoming a mentor, I decided now was a good time to confront myself. For too long I'd been denying it. Each second on that last mission was agonizing, all because of a missing something. I'd never felt this way when away from Fireheart, but was that because I left him in safe places? I'd already had a panic attack since Fireheart almost killed himself, but somehow under all that stress, I'd felt worried for another. I couldn't lie to myself and say that Fireheart was my sole purpose for being anymore. Someone else was filling the void. I could deny it no longer. I had feelings for Ravenfeather.

With the realization, I felt a warmth spread through my chest. It felt peculiar but somehow comforting. For once, I didn't want to sit down and analyze an unfamiliar feeling. I did not believe it was a danger. The question was, do I confess to Ravenfeather my feelings? I took off for a brief hunting trip to consider my thoughts. Whether fortunate or unfortunate, Ravenfeather decided to follow. I was mostly silent, letting my muscle memory do most of the work while I pondered the possibility. I'd almost come to a conclusion when Ravenfeather spoke up.

"Smudgefoot, can I talk to you?" He asked.

"I'd never deny you the chance to speak your mind." I answered.

"This is probably stupid… Nevermind. It's nothing." Ravenfeather backpedaled.

"Ravenfeather." I said getting close and forcing him to look me in the eyes. "You can tell me anything. I'd never think less of you for it."

Ravenfeather stammered for a moment before finally managing to become coherent. "Smudgefoot. Ever since you started protecting me from Tigerclaw, I've had this feeling. For the longest time I ignored it, but seeing you hanging off that ledge, knowing if I failed to save you, I'd never see you again, I realized what it was. I know now that I can't bring myself to live without you. Smudgefoot… I think I love you. You can pretend you didn't hear that if you don't feel the same."

Ravenfeather seemed to collapse in on himself as he seemed to have come to his own conclusion. Meanwhile I couldn't stop myself from letting out a light chuckle.

"What are the odds?" I laughed. "Here I was debating on telling you, but you beat me to the punch."

II let myself calm down a moment before giving my definitive reply. "Here's my answer Ravenfeather. I feel the same way."

Apparently, my departure from camp wasn't as inconspicuous as I hoped because I heard Graystripe from the bush behind me yowl, "I knew it!"

Turning to look back at the voice, we saw Fireheart and Graystripe padding forth. Fireheart had an apologetic look. "Sorry Smudgefoot. I didn't mean to listen in. I was just worried after how you acted during the mission. I thought you might do something drastic."

"it's fine. I can't fault you for being concerned."

At least Fireheart was the one talking to me. Ravenfeather was the unfortunate soul to be bombarded with questions and excited chatter from Graystripe. I pitied Ravenfeather, but I would not save him from that.