Summoning her Persona in Soul Society should have been a joyous occasion, a mark of her growth.
Aigis only felt dread.
Metis all but bodily dragged her to a corner of the training room, away from Niijima and Johanna, and pinned Aigis down with her blood red eyes.
"Still denying yourself?" Metis asked harshly.
"What do you mean?" Aigis asked back.
"It's not like you to play dumb." Metis frowned deeper. She casually extended a hand out to her side, where a golden glow gathered, then burst into a familiar weapon.
Aigis's first thought was how did she have Pallas Athena's spear?
Followed by where did her hammer go?
Metis gave her new weapon a twirl, then pointed it at Aigis's chest. "Maybe you'd like me to beat it in?"
Her survival instincts finally kicked in, and Aigis rolled out of the way of the spear as it buried itself into the floorboards where she once stood. Metis quickly dove after the spear, causing an even bigger hole to appear where the floorboards were, and splinters to fly everywhere. Some nicked Aigis's skin, though the majority were thankfully blocked by her uniform.
"Shoot, Palladion!"
It was a minor blessing that her shikai still worked as intended.
"Hmph, so quick to rely on your shikai, sister." Metis scoffed.
Aigis declined to entertain that comment with a response, and instead raised her armoured arm up to block the next strike, a spinning overhead smash that had no business being executed by a spear. Still, Metis was physically strong, and she forced Aigis on the back foot as she pushed down on the spear. A moment later, Aigis shoved the trajectory of the attack to the side, and disengaged.
There was a single advantage that Aigis had over her sister, and that was range. She raised her hand, pointing the barrels at her own Shadow, and fired.
The reishi bullets pinged harmlessly off the spear as Metis twirled it around, deflecting them all with a shower of sparks. She dashed towards Aigis, the spear thrust forward to stab her somewhere around the abdomen, though Aigis shot another round of bullets that forced Metis to slow down and deflect them all, buying Aigis some time to leap back. When Metis straightened out in annoyance, Aigis had a cannon aimed at her.
"Firing!"
The cannon almost deliberately missed its mark, exploding in a fiery ball of energy behind Metis. Aigis was immensely grateful that the training room was sufficiently reinforced to withstand assaults of that calibre, though she could see burn marks and splinters of wood from where the reishi cannonball detonated. In the back of her mind, she decided that she would need to control her firepower if she wanted the training room to remain standing at the end of the night. She did not want to find out the punishment for destroying a training room, intentional or not.
Metis narrowed her eyes, which was the only warning for Aigis as her doppelgänger blurred towards her with a wild slash of the spear that she twisted out of range for, then reflexively retaliated with a kick to the head. Metis raised an arm to block, though that gave Aigis leverage to push down the trajectory of the spear, burying it in a new hole in the floorboards.
"Why are you doing this, Sister?" Aigis pleaded, still locked in position to keep them from harming themselves further. "Can't we talk this out?"
"Are you even willing to listen?" Metis snapped back. "We've been talking for a year and you never realised that you had a Shadow in your mental landscape?"
"Are you not just another form of Palladion?" Aigis asked desperately, her arm and leg aching from the effort of holding Metis back. "Whenever I'm in my inner world, there you are. And whenever I'm out of it, it's always been Palladion."
"And you didn't find that weird that your own zanpakutou — your Persona, can switch forms like this?" Metis almost snarled, finally pushing Aigis's leg away and yanking the spear out with both hands.
With her balance lost, Aigis flipped back a few times on a wobbly trajectory, skidding to a crouched halt on the floorboards. It afforded her some precious time to think through the initial shock.
She barely noticed her head band slipping from her hair, nor the soft clang on the floorboards when it completely fell out of her hair.
Palladion's silence whenever Aigis was not in her inner world, but also the comforting presence whenever she felt like she needed a breather. Her steadfast initial Persona, born of a Kirijo experiment that she only later found out was inhumane.
Metis and her sharp tongue, always challenging Aigis in her views, yet also supportive of the path that she took to reach this point in her own way with backhanded compliments and advice. Her regrets and desire to go back to an emotionless machine, born in the wake of Makoto's sacrifice.
It almost seemed as if her inner consciousness was warring between two states.
"Who are you really?" Metis asked, her voice dangerously low.
Aigis snapped out of her thoughts, only to stare blankly at Metis for the question. "I thought it should be obvious," she replied cautiously.
"Who. Are. You." Metis continued, enunciating every word, making it clear that she was not leaving without an answer. Her spear was pointed at Aigis's chest.
"I am Aigis," she began. "The fifth-generation Anti-Shadow Suppression Weapon. Former director of the Shadow Operatives. Now a shinigami in training."
"That's what you are." Metis corrected. "But who are you?"
Aigis almost repeated what she said before, but then stopped as she opened her mouth.
It should be an easy question. She had always been sure of her role. So…
Why is it so hard to answer?
It was blatantly obvious that Aigis's situation was not going well.
Makoto and Johanna cleared the area where Aigis and Metis clashed once they started fighting, opting to go to the opposite corner of the room instead. There was not enough space between the two groups in her opinion, but they had to make do for now.
There was a quiet, dreadful fascination in the clash, as the mask of a stable, if overworked Aigis slowly fell apart, revealing the lost, vulnerable girl buried deep underneath. Even now, with her Shadow out in the open, Aigis was still valiantly holding onto a shred of her public dignity, fighting back with words and bullets. Back when they were alive, the only time Makoto ever saw Aigis as anything other than "steadily soldiering on" was during Yukari's funeral, when she saw the still new-to-her-duties Aigis shake in her sharp, buttoned coat, in a manner incredibly reminiscent of hitched sobbing.
It was almost sobering to watch.
"Her problem is not for you to solve." Johanna reminded Makoto. Her engine rumble was low, almost soothing, but with an undercurrent of danger.
"Maybe not," Makoto said, her hands balled tight. "But I refuse to stand by and just watch."
A louder rumble was the only warning she got before Johanna zoomed in front of her, cutting her off. Despite her being unable to move her head in any meaningful way, Makoto got the distinct impression that her spirit was shaking her head.
"This is something she will have to work through herself." Johanna warned. "Your meddling will make it worse."
Makoto wanted to run up to Aigis, hug her, tell her that everything will be fine, that she was fine the way she was — her levelheaded performance during their training exercise in the Living World proved that in spades.
But she would be doing Aigis a disservice. The quietly confident leader and kind friend with a slightly quirky sense of humour that Makoto knew was Aigis's public mask, one she put on in her daily life to support those around her, never dropping even within the close knit circle of friends they shared. In a way, Makoto never quite got to know Aigis's true self. Now, she needed to confront her true self, if Metis was an accurate representation of that.
There was no denying the fact that Metis represented some part of Aigis that she would normally suppress in public, but Makoto highly doubted that that was everything Metis was.
Shadows have a tendency to exaggerate, after all.
Makoto took a deep, shaky breath, then turned away. "You're right," she admitted. "As much as I want to help, this isn't something for me to do."
The shadows of one's heart could never be forcibly suppressed for long, nor could it be solved by an outside party. At the end of the day, the only real method was for Aigis to accept herself, though she seemed to be teetering on the edge, unsure if she should, or could, accept herself yet.
"Always keep that compassion in your heart." Johanna urged, pleased that her other self saw reason. "It will guide you true."
"So," Makoto looked at Johanna, "is there anything I need to do to get bankai?"
There was a beat of silence, broken only by the clash happening behind them.
"Recall the moment you obtained your power." Johanna rumbled.
The moment…
Makoto had done something incredibly reckless and dangerous in order to become Kaneshiro's "customer" and gain access to his Palace. Then when his disgusting Shadow started threatening her sister, she lost her shit.
The explosion of revulsion, disgust, and hatred at the power that they held over innocent people's heads, along with a sprinkling of the stress involved in being Principal Kobayakawa's extension outside of school grounds became the catalyst for her own awakening.
It had been so long, Makoto had almost forgotten that she was not born with her powers. She'd gained them when her frustration at the state of the world reached its peak, and decided to rebel against the injustice.
"That time in the Bank," she said, her sentence coming out in short gasps as she rubbed her arms. "When Shadow Kaneshiro decided to threaten Onee-chan's career."
Even after all those centuries, she easily recalled the catalyst that awakened her spirit of rebellion – that worthless piece of human garbage who tried to ruin the lives of those she cared about.
"And what is your state of mind now?" Johanna continued.
Her state of mind…now?
Makoto wanted rest after her career in law enforcement. She'd done all she could to improve the lot for common citizens, was recognised for it, and died without regrets. That rest continued for a hundred years, until she got restless and decided to do some good with her powers.
That was four years ago.
She'd kept her head down, learned all she could about the state of Seireitei, tried her best to blend in despite her own quirks. Made a few friends, though none of them were all that close until she met Aigis again. Makoto knew that Seireitei had its own problems — it was abundantly clear even in the relative comfort of the sixth district. But the red tape and bureaucracy involved to even start solving them put her off, along with her own awareness that she was very much not seeing the whole picture as a mere citizen.
More support, she told herself. She would start making a dent when she has more support.
Except the more she repeated that, the more it started sounding like an excuse. When was enough support? When would she feel comfortable to start rebelling – start pushing for real change against the archaic systems of Soul Society?
When would she be sure that her actions would not cause undue harm to the innocent as she continued her rebellion?
"What…happened?" Makoto asked herself, her hands still on her arms.
"Your rest had made you slothful." Johanna chided. She circled Makoto slowly, the wheels silent on the floorboards. "You lost your simmering sense of righteousness. I cannot allow you in good conscience to wield the power of bankai as you are right now.
"If you find it again, I will consider it." Johanna's words were final, but there was a kindling of hope.
So her spirit had not completely given up yet.
"Find my spirit of rebellion…" Makoto put a hand on her chin, considering her zanpakutou's words. She has a point, but how should Makoto go about looking for it again, when she hadn't needed to do so for centuries?
"You're lost." Metis spat as she looked down at a prone Aigis, who barely supported herself with one hand on the ground behind her back. There was heat in Metis's words, but not much anger. "You've defined yourself by your surroundings for so long, adapted yourself to your environment so well that you forgot your core. You don't know who you are beyond your role. You're simply a satellite character, forever a support to someone else's story." The spear in her hands poked at Aigis's uniform, right at her heart.
She wanted to deny the accusations, say that they were a lie and that she knew perfectly well where she stood, but Aigis could not muster the energy. Metis's words cut deep, for being accurate, instead of the baseless accusations that were so frequently thrown Aigis's way both when she was alive and dead, and were easy to ignore when her heart knew the truth.
There was real danger in denying herself, or rather, her weakness — almost every member of the Investigation Team (plus Labrys) had first-hand experience with that, so Aigis clamped down the urge to refute everything that Metis had said.
"I had to." Aigis hung her head, her eyes vaguely trained at the spear aimed at her heart. "After Mitsuru passed away, I had to keep the Operatives going, so her good work did not become meaningless in the future. So that Persona users have a safe haven to come back to."
"Your environment does not excuse your actions." Metis snarled, before jerking her spear back and instead hauling Aigis up to her knees by her uniform collar, forcing her to look directly at her Shadow's blood red eyes through the tousled strands of blonde hair. "You could've made time for yourself. Gone for therapy. I'm not going to say that you didn't, because you tried at first after Fuuka died, but you never kept up with it. You fell back into bad habits. That was all on you."
How ironic, that her reflection would turn the very words she said to Ebina right back at her.
"…you're right." Aigis admitted. "My grief affected me more than I expected. And I ignored it in favour of work, because that was what was expected of me, and it helped to dull the pain if I did not have to think about those we lost."
"It's been over two hundred years now." Metis's voice softened, her grip slackened. "You're still grieving."
Aigis's mind went to Niijima, her steadfast friend in the Academy.
Niijima, who introduced so much of shinigami society to her. Who had given advice whenever Aigis needed it, urged her to develop better habits, who was the only person she was comfortable enough with to drop a sliver of her public mask.
By all accounts of Japanese societal standards, they were close friends. Yet she never called Niijima by her first name, as one might expect.
Aigis knew exactly why — but trying to overcome that shadow in her heart was difficult, even after centuries. Her relatively long life in comparison to the average human, not to mention the dangerous work of the Operatives, was a constant reminder of their fragility, but also a wound that would not heal.
"Maybe I still am." Aigis agreed half heartedly. "I miss them so much, Metis."
"You must move on," her other half said, her eyes uncharacteristically sad as she held Aigis's collar, as if Metis was trying to prevent Aigis from falling to the ground. "You're trying, but if you want your bankai, you need to move on from your past. There's nothing wrong with missing them, but that can't be all you are. You're so much more than that. You need to find yourself again. Who are you, without everything in your past holding you down?"
"How do I do that?" Aigis asked, her voice soft and lost.
"That's up to you." Metis pushed her back to the ground, and Aigis landed with a heavy thump. "I can't possibly guide you for this, because you won't learn anything this way."
That was how Aigis led the Shadow Operatives. She provided training and resources, but never gave them a strict guide. The screening process to join in the first place was a good enough filter to reject those without the necessary aptitude. Once again, she was reminded that however different Metis was compared to herself, the spirit was still a part of Aigis.
By the time she looked up again, Metis was gone.
With the summer months came the time for requests from the Gotei Thirteen.
"Niijima and Aigis, a word please." Hinamori called, after a rare lesson where they were in the same class.
They watched the other students leave the terrace where they usually conducted their kido lessons, then approached Hinamori with some trepidation.
Aigis and Niijima did not talk much about their shared failure to achieve bankai after that day. It was a painful emotional lesson that no matter how experienced, how mature they thought they were, there was still much to learn about themselves. Neither had made much progress in that area, despite the long month since.
It was fortunate that Aigis was able to explain away the pockmarks in the training room to the caretaker as a "somewhat overly intense spar" (and pick up her dropped head band in the meantime). The caretaker had only raised a single eyebrow, before turning away to clean the room.
"Is something the matter?" Niijima asked Hinamori, brushing away stray strands of her hair.
Hinamori blinked, then shook her head with a gentle laugh. "You're not in trouble, if that's what you think," she explained kindly. "Rather, there's a request for both of you from the Gotei."
"A…request?" Aigis questioned. Why would the Gotei ask for two shinigami in training, rather than spare any of their existing force?
"Think of it as an internship trip." Hinamori explained. "We share information with the Gotei on exemplary students, and they will send requests for specific students to accompany them on shinigami missions."
At the uneasy glance shared between the students, she hurriedly continued. "They're not really dangerous, so you don't have to worry about that." Hinamori reassured them. "It's a chance for the shinigami to assess your skills, and it's your chance to appeal to them too, if you like the division. If you leave a good impression, they might give you an invitation to join their division when you graduate, so you're guaranteed a spot."
Aigis was not even aware that the shinigami knew about the idea of "internships".
"How long will this trip take?" Niijima asked.
"Generally, a few days." Hinamori answered. "It won't last longer than a week unless something goes catastrophically wrong, and we haven't had that happen in two hundred years. You're exempt from any classes during this period. Of course, you're also free to decline the request for any reason, but that usually does not reflect well on yourself, so my suggestion is to accept any that comes your way. Plus, you can earn some extra coin — those internships are paid."
"Can we have more information on the nature of the request?" Aigis asked.
"Of course!" Hinamori said. She pulled out a slip of paper from her sleeve, which looked too small for a formal request, so Aigis decided that it was probably a simple list of the mission details. "The request came from the Second division, though this particular mission doesn't really deal with their specialty of assassination and spying."
Aigis frowned at that statement, though she did not voice her thoughts. Niijima, meanwhile, looked politely confused.
"Rather, the request asked for you to accompany a shinigami on a patrol around East Rukongai, in the sixty-third district." Hinamori continued. "There's also a note that you need to be prepared for any kind of combat."
"That seems like…an odd note to include." Niijima frowned. "Is combat not expected on patrols?"
Hinamori had also trailed off as she scrutinised the slip of paper. "Perhaps for emphasis," she decided, though it was clear to all that she did not believe it. "But anyway, that's the gist of the request. What do you say?"
Aigis and Niijima glanced at each other, the only communication they needed.
"We accept." Aigis replied confidently.
Hinamori clapped her hands together cheerfully. "That's great! The officer who requested you two will be here tomorrow morning, so both of you are exempt from classes for the next few days. Make sure to pack your essentials, you most likely won't get much during patrol!"
Aigis blinked. Giving just one day's notice for a mission to students seemed rather rushed, but she did as she was told, eating a rushed dinner before she went back to her room for packing, which consisted of throwing a change of clothes, some bandages, a water bottle, and snacks into a rucksack for the trip. It was strikingly similar to what the fanny packs that the teachers gave for their excursion in the Living World contained. Then she turned in early for the night.
It was her routine to double, triple check her supplies and mission details every time before she set out on a mission. She and Niijima had not received any written instructions for the mission though, so Aigis had to settle for merely reviewing the details in her mind.
Even Hinamori had implied that the nature of the mission was somewhat unusual for Second division, one that specialised in spying, information gathering, high level crime and assassination. On the surface, it did not seem significant – patrols seemed like the most basic job of any military organisation, efficient at deterring would-be criminals and spotting potential issues early. However, with the seeming hyperfocus on its specialisation, it made asking anyone from Second division to go on patrol much like asking a Shadow Operative to be a neighbourhood volunteer. There were areas where the work overlapped, but barely so.
Come to think of it, she belatedly remembered that Akechi was part of the Second division. She hoped that he was not the officer that sent the request, even if it would make a worrying amount of sense – he seemed to be at a rank that he would have been privy to the information that Shin'ou Academy shared with the Gotei, and the one who most likely knew close to the full capabilities of both Niijima and Aigis.
She was not yet ready for Niijima to meet Akechi, considering their past history.
With those unsettling thoughts in her mind, Aigis drifted off to restless sleep.
Aigis got out of bed two hours earlier than usual.
Hinamori had told them, as a sort of addendum, that they had to start the day early in order to finish the mission in a reasonable amount of time. One last check of her supplies and a quick breakfast in the cafeteria later, Hinamori led Aigis and Niijima to the main gate of Shin'ou Academy to wait for their chaperone. When Aigis saw the person casually leaning against the gate, their arms folded over their chest, there was a silent sigh of relief at the fact that it was not Akechi, then frowned.
Because the person also wore a wooden plate on their left arm, signifying their rank.
From the distance, it was impossible to tell their gender, with the last dredges of the early morning fog still hanging in the air. As they walked closer, Aigis noticed that the person had very dark skin, reminiscent of those from African countries – an oddity in Soul Society in general, where most sported relatively pale complexions. Their hair was choppy and tied up in a rough ponytail, fixed in place with a piece of pink ribbon, which complemented their deep purple hair well. Unlike most shinigami, they wore a heavily modified shihakusho, with their arms and back exposed that showed off their lithe muscles, which reminded Aigis of a panther in waiting. They wore a pair of black hakama tied near the ankle with bandages. Instead of the standard straw sandals, they wore a pair of black cloth flats. A wakizashi was tied to their waist at the back, exactly where Aigis also kept her zanpakuto.
It was quite obvious that this was a uniform meant to cater to the needs of hakuda. She was not even aware that it was possible to modify the standard shinigami uniform to this extent.
"Seems like the one who sent the request is already here." Hinamori said as she waved towards the figure. "Be on your best behaviour, okay?" She gently pushed the pair towards their chaperone.
The person finally spotted them, and in an instant, the mysterious aura around the newcomer was blown away.
"Hiiii! It's so nice to meet you two, Aigis and Niijima! I'm Shihouin Yushiro, lieutenant of the Second division, and I will be your chaperone for the next few days!"
A/N: You thought it would be this easy to get bankai? Think again!
I admittedly originally planned for them to get bankai with no issues, but as I continued writing this story, it started to make more sense for them to work out other issues first before actually getting it. So instead, this part is getting dragged out. Props to the people who managed to guess the name of the 2 chapters related to bankai training, you get a cookie from me!
My pace of writing has slowed considerably as I shifted my focus to art and finding a new job, plus we switched to WFH at my current job so I don't have the long commute as an excuse to write anymore. I'm also stuck on my current chapter, so the next one will probably come out a little later than usual. Still, I have some exciting plans for future arcs, and I can't wait to get there!
In other news, Persona 3 Reload is being released in 1 week! I already have art prepared to celebrate the release of the game (I'm waiting for a sale before I buy the game myself), and if there is any new information in there I will most likely incorporate it into this story.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you next time.